What Do Men Get Out of Looking At Other Women? (And Why Do Men Cheat?)

What Do Men Get Out of Looking at Other Women? (And Why Do Men Cheat?)
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Dear Evan,

What is it that men get out of looking/gazing at beautiful women, nude or otherwise?

I have read on other websites that men actually get a chemical “high” in their brain when they see an attractive woman and that is why they are so drawn to look at other women even when they are in love with another. I’m wondering, from your perspective, what you think it is. Are men sexually “turned on” when they see a beautiful woman naked and automatically fantasize about having sex with her or is it more of just plain old admiration for the beautiful female form with no arousal? And, if it is sexual arousal, does that happen only in seeing a naked woman (magazine, strip joint, porn) or does that happen when you see a beautiful clothed woman as well? I have always been very curious about this as I think it is very different for women. —Cat

Dear Cat,

Thoughtful and provocative question, and I’m going to attempt to tackle it even though I’m no therapist, historian or biologist.

First off, I want to acknowledge that everything you wrote, in my estimation, is true.

Men, regardless of relationship status, get a chemical high in seeing attractive women.

Men can appreciate the female form, either clothed or naked.

Men, regardless of relationship status, get a chemical high in seeing attractive women.

Men are aroused by images of clothed or naked women (but not as much as you’d think.)

What I’d like to add to all of those ideas is that none of that should affect your relationship…unless you make it affect your relationship.

In other words:

GOOD men, regardless of relationship status, get a chemical high in seeing attractive women.

GOOD men can appreciate the female form, either clothed or naked.

GOOD men are aroused by images of clothed or naked women (but not as much as you’d think.)

Without covering the entire landscape of debates about DNA or evolution or propagation of the species, here’s my take on the whole thing:

Men, since the beginning of time, were designed to spread their seed.

Because monogamy lowers the chances that our genes will survive, men are not, by nature, monogamous creatures. We choose monogamy because we deem that it’s more beneficial to have love, stability, and a nuclear family than to have lots of children running around with our eyes. But make no mistake, monogamy is a choice, not a natural state.

Men can watch porn, fantasize about other women, and still be great husbands and fathers.

Anyway, in my estimation, the male sex drive has nothing to do with kindness or personality or compatibility. It is entirely based on physical attraction, which we feel instantly with the release of dopamine, serotonin, and testosterone. This is why men can know if they would sleep with you in less than five seconds.

As far as what’s physically attractive? I think it’s largely based on societal reinforcement. Most men, for example, agree that symmetrical faces with small noses and certain hip to waist ratios (thin waist, wider hips) are considered attractive. Naturally, there are some men who like older women or heavier women or women with one leg. There’s a lid for every pot. Still, a lot of men still want to try on the same lid, who just happens to be 20-30 years old, have stunning features and is built like a Barbie doll. Moving along…

Next, I’d like to assert that a man’s sexual tastes and feelings of attraction don’t disappear because he is in love with another woman.

His intense feelings for his girlfriend may lessen his desires to look elsewhere for sex. But once those intense feelings of chemistry go away (as they usually do after 18 to 36 months — just long enough to conceive and raise a young child), his attraction will still spike every time he sees an attractive woman, in some form or another.

The more self-aware men understand this intellectually, and relegate those spikes of attraction to what they are — biologically programmed bursts of pleasure. We give ourselves doses of this pleasure when we’re walking on a beach, when we’re at an outdoor concert, when we’re at parties, and especially when we’re on the Internet. I’ve heard that 30% of the internet is porn, and if this is the case, it should be no surprise.

Men crave variety. This is normal. It’s all about whether he acts on this desire.

Men can admit attraction to favorite celebrities, and still be great husbands and fathers.

Men can watch porn, fantasize about other women, and still be great husbands and fathers.

Men can go to bachelor parties, go to a strip club, and still be great husbands and fathers.

I know this because I’ve done all of the above and I know I am not alone.

And since the value of my marriage is far greater than the value of sleeping with a stranger in Paris, I remain faithful, even though I’m attracted to other women everywhere I go. It would never even occur to me after 300 dates and nearly 10 years as a dating coach that there’s anyone out there who’d make me happier for the next forty years than my own wife.

That doesn’t mean in some alternate universe that I wouldn’t like to be able to have my cake and eat it, too. That’s essentially what alpha males do — get married and keep sleeping with other women. John Edwards, Bill Clinton, Tiger Woods, Kobe Bryant – we can probably make a list of most politicians, athletes and rock stars.

Men would be perfectly content having missionary sex with a new woman every night.

So why do men cheat?

Because they’re perpetually attracted to new women.

Because they’re high profile, rich, ambitious men who are desirable to these women.

Because they’re so important that they don’t think the rules apply to them.

Because they travel a lot and are frequently exposed to temptation.

Because they don’t value their wives as much as the thrill.

Because they don’t rationally calculate the value of their losses. So Tiger sleeps with a waitress in a Denny’s parking lot and he loses a half billion dollars, his wife, his kids, and his golf mojo. Somehow, I don’t think he considered that with his pants around his ankles.

This is just a long, roundabout way of saying that, in general, men want variety.

I recall a study that said the exact same thing.

Men would be perfectly content having missionary sex with a new woman every night.

Women would be perfectly content with the same man forever, as long as he mixed it up in the bedroom a bit.

The results didn’t surprise me in the least.

Once again, I am not defending men. I am explaining men. Not every single man on the planet. Some men only have eyes for their wife. Some men are attracted to other men. Some men couldn’t conceive of having sex with a woman he didn’t love.

These are perfectly normal men, but they are also exceptions.

So even if we establish that men are driven by sex, it’s far from the whole story, as evidenced by the 50 million married men in the United States.

Simply put, men want love, too. Even if we still like to look elsewhere.

It’s far better to understand and accept these qualities in men than to shame them, insult them, or tell them that they’re wrong for being this way.

As long as he treats you well and doesn’t take action on his desires, you’ve got a good man whose desire for you is stronger than his real sexual impulse to be with someone else.

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Comments:

  1. 81
    Karl R

    nathan said: (#85)
    “It’s the ways in which people tend to feel forced into, or simply unconsciously enact stuff from mainstream porn that is problematic. Because at least one partner in the situation tends to feel used or that their needs are being neglected.”

    I’d say that’s more a function of ignorance (due to a sexually repressed culture) rather than porn. Unless you’re watching Monty Python’s Meaning of Life, sex education in school  doesn’t discuss foreplay. Parents aren’t interested in teaching teenagers how to make their boyfriends/girlfriends orgasm. Schools aren’t interested in teaching them either.

    If you don’t know how to please your partner, someone’s likely to end up being a bit disappointed.

    nathan said: (#85)
    “I would say that it’s more about unconscious or semi-conscious ideas and stereotypes coming from a lot of mainstream porn that I’m concerned with — and others also seemed to be concerned with.”

    Could you give some examples of what you mean?

  2. 82
    Erica

    Women would be perfectly content with the same man forever, as long as he mixed it up in the bedroom a bit.
      
    This is so grossly untrue that it’s simply embarrassing to read it in a dating blog.

    1. 82.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      Actually, Erica, it is true.

      http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sex-dawn/200908/who-destroys-the-marriage-cheating-husband-betrayed-wife-or-other-woman

      “When researchers decided to look at this issue to develop a Sexual Boredom Scale, they found that for men, sexual boredom was correlated with variety in partners (or lack thereof), while for women, it was more related to variety in activity. In other words, women were more likely to be satisfied by changes in the sexual what, while men (gay or straight) were more likely to respond to a changes in the sexual whom. It’s a simple, unavoidable truth almost everyone knows to be true, but few dare to discuss: variety and change are the necessary spice of the sex life of the male of our species. But even having an intellectual understanding of this aspect of many men’s inner reality doesn’t make acceptance any easier for many women.”

      Apparently, it doesn’t.

      Next time you choose to disagree with me, try coming to me with facts instead of feelings.

      1. 82.1.1
        Pilar

        Evan RE: 82.1

        I and other women are TELLING you that the research does NOT apply to all women. I would NOT be perfectly happy being monogamous with one man my whole life, because the mere idea repulses me. I agree there are SOME women who fall into the category of could be with only one their whole life and be perfectly happy. That is NOT an across the board assessment for ALL women though. Some of us are sick of the fact that men are encouraged to be promiscuous while we girls aren’t allowed to enjoy ourselves too.

        The old saying comes to mind-what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. I am also a woman who can get visually stimulated. It happens FAR more in person than with pictures. I have some legitimate concerns and complaints for how these studies are run…or there are far more men in women’s bodies than the general public wants to admit.

        1. Evan Marc Katz

          No one is SAYING that research applies to ALL women. Jesus. You make it sound like one can’t make any statement about men or women because there are exceptions. That would pretty much render any advice useless. Men – in general – can separate sex and love more than women can. So, as always, if what I say doesn’t apply to you, ignore it. Don’t tell me it’s “wrong,” because it’s not. I stand by my original post.

      2. 82.1.2
        Pilar

        When you write controversial blanket statements, you shouldn’t be surprised some will find you and the studies, completely wrong.   If you’re going to get so sensitive one can’t even reply to your “I’m sticking by what I wrote statement,” perhaps you shouldn’t respond at all.   Has it occurred to you that sticking with what you wrote is WRONG!?

  3. 83
    S

    I definitely buy the above, not because I think it’s the way men are – but because it’s the way I am too! lol

    I have a massive wandering eye and struggle to stay monogamous.   I too would love to sample a new guy every night.   The only thing that keeps me from sleeping around is that as a chick, I get instantly attached to people I’m intimate with (I just can’t do casual sex), and the only thing that keeps me from straying is the  Golden  Rule – I wouldn’t want someone to cheat on me.

    As for the flip side, I tend to pick guys who are pretty good at hiding their staring, or they learn to be lol.   I do appreciate that my man is extraordinarily good at putting blinders on when we’re together.   Other people have higher tolerance for guys looking, so it’s definitely a spectrum to negotiate, I suppose.

  4. 84
    Sarah

    It’s also been shown in primate studies that in numerous animal species the female “shacks up” with a stable partner, yet seeks to mate with an alpha male at the height of her ovulation cycle who will actually be the genetically superior bio-dad of her offspring. There are lots of studies out there to pick and choose from to prove one’s different points of view. Evan’s comments make perfect sense, and I believe the biological impulse for partner variety applies as well to myself and most of the women I’ve known whether they are in a commited relationship or not, not just variety of the act. It’s human nature I believe.   Women are socialized against acknowledging their own non-monogamous feelings when they are partnered up and thus project that harsh self-denial onto their men and hold them to a standard of denying a natural biological impulse that they themselves feel as strongly and just won’t admit. I think in most people’s, women’s as well as men’s, alternate universe of having their cake and eating it too, they’d be able to act on any impulse with anyone at any time that felt good in the moment and still have love security at home. Like Evan said, it takes about 18-36 months for an offspring to be able to be cared for by the village, so to speak, and that’s when overarching feelings of desire cool off for both sexes. From the time we are born, we crave variety and stimulation. New people are exciting. They don’t carry the weight of all the hashing out of compromise necessary in any commited relationship and they don’t become part of the daily scenery of our lives and we can fantasize about everything they may or may not be or do. This doesn’t make them better than the spouse at home, just energetically more light and free and stimulating to the admirer due to the more superficial connection of just seeing them and not knowing them well, “warts and all,” like we do our partners. Just like anything in life – a partner, a career, a friendship, a hobby, etc. – you have to make an effort to keep your perspective fresh or you will be more likely to grow bored and dissatisfied with what you have and look for novelty as the only solution. That being said, temperamentally, some people of both genders are more on the extreme of novelty-driven, or conversely anxious about change in the familiar, and it’s the innate difference in levels of neurotransmitters in everyone. It’s not a crime, just an innate tendency in varying degrees, and both genders can suffer from boredom in relationships and stray mentally if not physically. I’ve also read studies that state women cheat almost as much as men, but don’t report it. Lke I said, there is a study for every point to be made. Actions in response to impulses define the person’s value of the sanctity of their relationship over temporary satiating of impulsive desires. Women who are on a very high horse need to climb on down and admit they sometimes feel desire to look at a hot dude as well and have some biological response to him and not be so insecure when their partner does the same and not project their own insecurities about themselves onto whom their partner may glance at. As long as they feel the guy is respectful towards them and not overtly ogling or behaving in a way that is clearly disrespectful to the relationship, then I don’t see what the big deal is. I’ve been married for years to a great, kind, attractive man, however when I’ve been away from him and encountered a hottie at work or in some other situation where interaction was either necessary or happening for whatever reason, and I can feel my pulse start to quicken, I always ask myself “Would I behave this way if my hubby were sitting right here next to me?” It’s a perfect way for both men and women to guage if their behavior is appropriate given the expectations of their particular commited relationship. It’s certainly variable. I know couples who both engage in flirtiness that I find overy and they know it’s harmless and enjoy that part of eachother’s personalities and are both incorrigible flirts, but ultimately harmless and faithful to each other.   For men and women, as long as your partner isn’t a jealous lunatic around whom you can’t even make eye contact with a member of the opposite sex or have even be casually friendly to someone in a totally harmless way without receiving a prompt tongue lashing, I believe most people have a gut feeling whether they are simply being friendly to a hottie, albeit maybe uncontrollably feeling a little more peppy, excited or nervous, or whether they are starting to cross the line and behaving in a way that they known damn well would hurt their partner’s feelings if he or she were sitting right there and/or disrespect the commitment they made to their relationship. Another question to ask onself is “How would I feel if my partner were behaving this way?” This is clearly a guideline to try for actual interactions with other people, not for someone’s guy watching porn which clearly he probably wouldn’t do in front of his lady for the most part unless it’s a mutual thing that they do, but since there is zero chance of him ever meeting the girl in the magazine – big deal if he gets a little thrill that way. Suggest to your man that he apply the rule of pretending you are sitting right next to him when a hottie enters his orbit in the future. A decent man worth having will know in his gut when he’s crossing the line in his particular relationship and would honor your request for him to just consider it. If both people do that, more trust builds over time that allows harmless looking and less of a need to analyze or control the other one in those scenarios.

  5. 85
    Erica

    Sarah, I don’t understand, in light of everything you said, how do Evan’s comments make perfect sense? (And btw, it’s only this one comment I am disputing the validity of, not the entire article.)
      
    Evan, I have also seen studies saying that were it socially acceptable and economically viable, the vast majority of women would have gotten impregnated by the same handful of alpha males.
      
    I’ve also seen very different statistics on marital fidelity, with numbers hovering around 50%, and more married women cheating than married men.

    1. 85.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      Thanks, Erica. I’d love to see that study about the 2 billion women getting impregnanated by the 50 men. I don’t disagree that alpha males skew the end of the curve and are much more desirable than “average” men.

      But when all is said and done and couples get married, men tend to want variety in partners and women want variety in sex itself. This does NOT mean that women DON’T want more partners, but rather that they’re more content in a healthy monogamous relationship than men, overall. And marital infidelity numbers aren’t at 50%. It’s closer to 25%, and men are still more unfaithful than women.

  6. 86
    Nicole

    @Nathan, you do realize that people engaging in both sadism and masochism PREDATES the use of porn don’t you (and it predates those names, which were just given to people who wrote about them extensively.)

    We blame a lot of things on the media when in reality, a lot of things have existed for centuries.   Technology might allow for the more widespread dissemination of certain kinds of information (some good, some bad, and nothing that every person in the world will agree with).

    However, none of us can SAY if the people who engage in “atypical” behavior got the idea from someone else or just discovered it organically.

    And the consensual practice of what Karl described is NOT considered to be evidence of a psychiatric disorder nor is it proof that society is falling apart.   People like what they like, and while the biology excuse if overused, it’s not as if it’s a complete fallacy that people are programmed a certain way, to achieve certain goals, although we aren’t ALL the same.

    It’s funny what people assume are symptoms of an evil modern world that aren’t, and the proof that there have always been some people who like them easily goes back about a millenium.   

  7. 87
    nathan

    Nicole “@Nathan, you do realize that people engaging in both sadism and masochism PREDATES the use of porn don’t you (and it predates those names, which were just given to people who wrote about them extensively.)” Yes, I’m well aware of that. And I wasn’t blaming S @ M or other alternative sexual practices on porn. Nor was I saying they are symptoms of an “evil modern world.” I support whatever adult folks want to do that doesn’t harm others, and isn’t destructive to the partners involved.  
      
    Karl, ““I would say that it’s more about unconscious or semi-conscious ideas and stereotypes coming from a lot of mainstream porn that I’m concerned with — and others also seemed to be concerned with.”
    Could you give some examples of what you mean?”
      
    The idea that sex is a big performance is certainly reinforced by mainstream porn. I actually think that a fair number of guys get caught up in comparing themselves to porn actors, trying to measure up, and then feeling terrible when they don’t. And some women expect their guys to have the stamina and continuous orgasm giving power of these actors. In both cases, there’s a failure to remember, or even recognize, that the films are cut and pasted clips, that the “amazing skills” of the porn stars – male and female – are often an illusion.
      
    Also, the idea that women absolutely love blow jobs and are just waiting to drop on their knees and give their guy a long, dramatic one. (Obviously, many women enjoy blow jobs, but it’s the way in which they are depicted that gets in guys’ heads. And, of course, some women really aren’t interested in any of that.)
      
    You’re totally right that there is a major lack of quality sex ed for teens and young adults. And I’d also agree that people can learn from porn. I just think there is such a diversity of options available these days – some of which fall under the porn category, but aren’t as repetitive and stereotypical – that I’d rather advocate for people using other sources – especially for learning, if possible.

  8. 88
    Paragon

    @ Sarah
      
    “It’s also been shown in primate studies that in numerous animal species the female “shacks up” with a stable partner, yet  seeks to mate with an alpha male at the height of her ovulation cycle who will actually be the genetically superior bio-dad  of her offspring.”
      
    If that’s the study I think it is, then the primates were HUMANS, and it only observed a heightened sensitivity to more  masculine photos, during ovulation.
      
    A VERY different thing from what you are implying, and hardly conclusive of any behavioral tendencies.
      
    @ Erica
      
    ” Evan, I have also seen studies saying that were it socially acceptable and economically viable, the vast majority of women  would have gotten impregnated by the same handful of alpha males.”
      
    Which attests to women craving *less* variety in partners, because their preferences tend to a (relatively)small population(ie. the ‘Alphas’) of the opposite sex(unlike with males – who enjoy a greater variability in partners).
      
    But, the more important thing, is that men tend to marry as a longterm mating strategy – they marry to secure a long term  mate.
      
    Women, on the other hand, tend to marry for the long term benefits observed in security and committment.
      
    So, men are more sexually motivated in marriage(and thus, a greater male desire for partner variability – as a function of their greater  sexual motivation – is hardly surprising).

  9. 89
    Marisa

    Don’t want to get too overtly technical, but according to “The Red Queen” and Robin Baker’s “Sperm Wars”, both men and women are biologically programmed to cheat/seek multiple partners. Women desire to find the fittest genes for their offspring, whereas men desire to spread their genes to as many females as possible. Sperm are actually designed to compete with foreign male sperm in a woman’s uterus (contrary to popular imagery, they are subdivided into types: blocker sperm, fighter sperm, fertilizer sperm…the fighter sperm literally do nothing but swim around looking for sperm from competing males and destroy them with little packets of acid in their heads…they’re like little kamikaze pilots). One of the hypotheses for the female orgasm is so that a woman can become impregnated by the more attractive DNA of her lover than that of her stable LTR.

    That said, while we may have evolved this way, we’ve also evolved highly developed frontal lobes that allow us to think in the future, analyze consequences, and project positive/negative scenarios. We are highly sentient thinking, feeling creatures who want companionship, emotional intimacy, understanding, acceptance and love. (That goes for men just as much as women.) We are in control of our urges and actions. I, for one, have no problem with my partner noticing other women or looking at porn. I just don’t want it thrown in my face or to have it become an unhealthy obsession (i.e., if you’re routinely looking at porn to the point where you’re uninterested in sleeping with me, it’s a problem). I like to look too and am attracted to other guys, may even imagine what it would be like to sleep with one of them, but I would never cheat or hurt my partner with it in any way.

  10. 90
    Paragon

    @ Marisa
      
    “Don’t want to get too overtly technical, but according to “The Red Queen” and Robin Baker’s “Sperm Wars”, both men and women  are biologically programmed to cheat/seek multiple partners.”  
      
    Not quite, as observed in your quote below.
      
    “Women desire to find the fittest genes for their offspring, whereas men desire to spread their genes to as many females as  possible. ”
      
    Yes – since females are rate limiting, with lower reproductive potential, they are biased towards quality(in compensation),  as opposed to quantity(which serves the high-rate fitness optima of males).  
      
    “Sperm are actually designed to compete with foreign male sperm in a woman’s uterus (contrary to popular imagery, they are  subdivided into types: blocker sperm, fighter sperm, fertilizer sperm…the fighter sperm literally do nothing but swim around  looking for sperm from competing males and destroy them with little packets of acid in their heads…they’re like little  kamikaze pilots).”
      
    There are also studies indicating that *less* attractive males have *higher* sperm-counts(which is what we should expect, as  an adaptation to decreased mating opportunities – they need every mating to count).
      
    But, the whole Sperm-wars hypothesis is largely unproven in humans:
      
    “A notion emerged in 1996 that in some species, including humans, a significant fraction of sperm specialize in a manner such  that they cannot fertilize the egg but instead have the primary effect of stopping the sperm from other males from reaching  the egg, e.g. by killing them with enzymes or by blocking their access. This type of sperm specialization became known  popularly as “kamikaze sperm” or “killer sperm”, but most follow-up studies to this popularized notion have failed to confirm  the initial papers on the matter.”
      
    “One of the hypotheses for the female orgasm is so that a woman can become impregnated by the more attractive DNA of her  lover than that of her stable LTR.”
      
    There are also studies indicating that the physiology of selective sperm-transport is not dependent on sexual choice(ie. it  can be independently stimulated).

  11. 91
    Robyn

    Cat (#79),
    Men are most definitely hard-wired to look at & appreciate women’s bodies. There’s no changing that hard-wired desire. As my granny used to say, “If a man stops looking, start planning his funeral” 😉
    But what a man can control and moderate is how he behaves while looking and what he does or says thereafter.
    I find it a little troubling that your husband can’t bring himself to tone it down a bit – or at least make an effort in that direction. The fact that he deliberately continues a pattern of behavior that he knows upsets you is not a good sign IMHO. Smacks of inconsideration & selfishness on his part.
    So…. why not turn the tables on him?
    Go see the latest ultimate beef-cake movie (“Magic Mike”) and wax lyrical in conversation with him re: Channing Tatum’s “cheeks”.
    Whenever you’re out & see a hot guy, make sure he sees you checking out the goods.
    Next time you do a girls weekend away, go to Vegas & see the Chippendales (or NYC & take in a HunkMania show)…. and make sure you bring some good pics home with you. Maybe pin one up on the fridge so that he has to look at it every time he gets a beer 😉
    Or if you prefer something more classical, go for a postcard of Michaelangelo’s David.
    Yeah, it sounds a bit corny & adolescent, but it could get the point across in a more light-hearted way.
    And you just might have a bit of fun doing it.
      

  12. 92
    AnnieC

    @89

    It isn’t true that a woman will be “perfectly content if a man varies it up in the bedroom”. She may be happier, but perfectly content is a huge stretch.

    The main purpose of male sperm(the large amount of it that is produced) is not infact to impregnate a woman soley, but to seek out other male sperm and destroy it , to block the path to the uterous(from other male sperm) and to seek and attach to the ovum. If women were perfectly content with one man exhibiting varied behaviour, evolution would not have gone down this path.

    The point of multiple orgasms in a woman, isn’t so one man can satisfy her in a variety of ways, but so that when she is ovulating she will enjoy a LOT of sex, with a LOT of different males, providing an increase in the strength of her offspring.

    One of the most significant fantasies of women(especially those who know their own sexuality) is to be with several men at once. And I’m talking more than 1 or 2 additional players.

    Neither men nor women are monogamous and we didn’t evolve to be, making any statement that claims men OR women will be “perfectly content” amount to ignorance. And many, many women lie about cheating. I am very skeptical about most of the research done today based on simple questionares simply due to the nature of human lies in this area.

    A woman may accept her situation, she may be “more” content. But give her other options “without consequences” and without shaming and you will find a whole different beast on your hands, not that unsimilar to men.

    It is said far, far to often by men to their own detriment, that women are perfectly content by what the man wants to believe(IE some men still ‘believe’ women are monogamous) than what is true.

    Doesn’t really help anyone.

  13. 93
    Paragon

    @ AnnieC

    ” The main purpose of male sperm(the large amount of it that is produced) is not infact to impregnate a woman soley, but to seek out other male sperm and destroy it , to block the path to the uterous(from other male sperm) and to seek and attach to the ovum. ”

    Why are people still circulating this nonsense?

    “The point of multiple orgasms in a woman, isn’t so one man can satisfy her in a variety of ways, but so that when she is ovulating she will enjoy a LOT of sex, with a LOT of different males, providing an increase in the strength of her offspring.”

    Hmm…


    “Four years ago, Wallen set out to do a well-controlled modern study with the collaboration of Elisabeth Lloyd, a professor of history, philosophical science and biology at the Indiana University.

    Lloyd’s study of 80 years of previous sex research in her 2005 book, “The Case of the Female Orgasm,” debunked theories that there is an evolutionary reason for the female orgasm.

    She determined the female orgasm is merely a byproduct of the male orgasm, as both sexes share the same genital nerve tissue in the fetal stage.

    “It is perfectly normal not to have orgasms and there were lots of women in evolutionary time who had no orgasms and it had no impact on their fertility,” said Lloyd.

    Current studies bear this out, according to the researchers: 98 percent of men say they “always” reach orgasm during sex, while women are “evenly distributed” between “always and never.”

    Sexual Pleasure in Women Not Evolutionary

    “It’s clear the male orgasm is strongly selected and it makes sense,” said Wallen. “If they don’t reach orgasm, they don’t leave offspring.”


    To look at the question in reverse, women have a strong evolutionary selection for nipples — without them their babies would die, according to Wallen. However, nipples serve no biological purpose in men.”

    http://abcnews.go.com/Health/ReproductiveHealth/sex-study-female-orgasm-eludes-majority-women/story?id=8485289&page=2#.T_rs9bOKkbA

    More?


    “Kinsey’s Sexual Behavior in the Human Female showed that, over the previous five years of sexual activity, 78% of women had orgasms in 60% to 100% of sexual encounters with other women, compared with 55% for heterosexual sex”

    You were saying?


    And, since I know your such a big fan of heterospecific, studies:

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/10209169

  14. 94
    Erica

    AnnieC (#99),
    women’s monogamous nature is a myth akin to the one claiming that women do not care about a man’s physical attractiveness. I think these myths keep getting propagated because the alternative is too unpleasant for men to contemplate. It would mean (gasp) that he may not necessarily be desirable just the way he is, and may need to work on it.

  15. 95
    Paragon

    @ Erica

    ”  AnnieC  (#99),
    women’s monogamous nature is a myth  “

    No on here is claiming women are inherently monogamous, but rather that they are less motivated by a sexual variety in partners –   which is true.

    If it wasn’t, we couldn’t observe that they are *more* discriminating.  

    ” akin to the one claiming that women do not care about a man’s physical attractiveness.  “

    And who says that?

      

  16. 96
    Rachael

    When a female orgasms her uterus and kegel muscles contract in a rhythmic and repetitive manner for up to several minutes. These contractions repeatedly “dip” the cervix into an area where semen pools at the top of the vaginal canal and create a bit of a sucking action drawing semen into the uterus.  

    I won’t argue studies or the evolution of the reproductive system, but the above is true and must mean something.  

    This discussion went down the rabbit hole eh?  

  17. 97
    Erica

    ” akin to the one claiming that women do not care about a man’s physical attractiveness.  ”
    (Paragon) And who says that?
      
    I hear one form or another of this belief practically all the time. See post 111 under the “a man is serious about you” blog entry, for instance.

  18. 98
    Paragon

    @ Rachael

    “When a female orgasms her uterus and kegel muscles contract in a rhythmic and repetitive manner for up to several minutes. These contractions repeatedly “dip” the cervix into an area where semen pools at the top of the vaginal canal and create a bit of a sucking action drawing semen into the uterus. “

    The thing to remember, is that  uterine contractibility is necessary for cervical dilation prior to birth(where studies have found that gential tract stimulation, can help induce this response).

    And, considering the surrounding ennervated tissue, I would regard orgasm as incidental *until* it can be shown, conclusively, as a significant contributing factor to fertility.  

    @ Erica

      I hear one form or another of this belief practically all the time. See post 111″  

    We men indeed do go a lot more by physical attractiveness than you women go by.”
      As you can see, this is far from claiming that ‘women do not care about a man’s physical attractiveness’.

    1. 98.1
      kim

      I love this “visual type”   argument.

      It relates to the age old bs (don’t bother quoting studies, men, I can find opposite studies) that men are more “visual” .    How’s this for some hard hitting reality?   We are multi-orgasmic.   For a reason, and it’s FABULOUS!   But that is only because your wallet does it for us….we like you for your money.   *snicker*   Our love for you can do this for us, your lovemaking does it for us. Our appreciation for the male form, broad shoulders, a large penis, nice face…has nothing to do with YOU.   We love you.   We do not compare you to those 25 year old men.   Did we say we love you?   Maybe you should deal with it as reality and move on.

      MEN are currently in control of this culture.   Movies, media, advertisement.   Of course women are objectified…it would be the opposite if we ran the show.    I watch porn.   I do it.   So does he.   Both infrequently.   Don’t care, but yes it did bother me.   Why-because of the focus is almost exclusively on the woman, cams (to me is cheating), and in the last 15 years has gone off the rails.   A lifetime of body shame   and   forced guilt will do that to us until we overcome it.

      To the guy who keeps quoting testosterone as an excuse, yet it is true to an extent, but we also have sex hormones that effect libido..   Just ask your gyno. 😉

      We women appreciate the visual beauty of the ocean, a gorgeous sunset, a pretty flower, the grand canyon.   When it comes to visually enjoying men, somehow we hit a brick wall. It all ceases.   We suddenly are blind.

      I have a feeling men are behind these ideas.   They do not want an even field.   Hell, full frontal in a movie is rare, god knows that many men don’t want to be offended by a schlong bigger than their schlong. That isn’t conjecture, it has been said.   Studio heads don’t want to offend men in a movie….but alas, men, change is on the horizon. Men will also be portrayed as sexual in their nudity, and not for cheap laughs as it is now if at all.

      Keep the remote handy if you are easily offended by our noticing or appreciate of the gorgeous male.   We will keep it classy though. We aim to please.

      Last night I watched a show, Penn and Teller on Showtime.   At one point, each woman took off her shirt.   The show was about WALMART.   Hey they are just boobs, but it was completely gratuitous I can’t speak for all, but it pissed me off.   I think many of us are sick of being used as window dressing for something completely irrelevant.   Women watch the show as well, and this comes from a bi-sexual woman… Sex scenes, in context-big difference.

      Welcome, welcome to our world…minus the lifetime of slut shaming and clamming up about our sexual desires.

      High five ladies.   This isn’t a competition, its a reality check and an evening the score.

       

       

  19. 99
    Paragon

    Sorry, Rachael – I was fatigued when I wrote that.

    It is now (trivially)obvious to me that female orgasm has not evolved through selective pressures(whether it still may be a contributing factor to fertility, studies have as yet, failed to conclude), given that induced uterine contraction(associated with orgasm, and resulting from genital tract stimulation) is a necessary condition to cervical dilation(essential for live birth delivery).   

    Thus, the evolutionary nexus of this system is unequivocal.

  20. 100
    AnnieC

    @102

    Actually I was contradicting Evan’s believe, that women are “perfecty content” with a man if he varies it up in the bedroom.

    Simply not true.

    Just because men may like “more variety” doesn’t mean women don’t either, it just means our motivations are different.

    As I indicated, women were intended to collect sperm, as much as men were intended to spread it.

    Men have got to stop believing what they want to about women, as much as women need to stop believing what they want to about men.

    It’s a waste of time.

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