Falling in Love: It Happens Faster Than You Think

48 Shares

A Syracuse University study revealed that love-at-first-sight causes the same euphoric feelings as cocaine. Yes, you heard correctly: cocaine. And they say it only takes a fifth of a second to “fall in love”. A fifth of a second. Not the three-to-six months of dating that you might expect.

MRIs showed that 12 areas the brain work together during the falling in love process, releasing euphoria-inducing chemicals like dopamine, oxytocin, adrenaline and vasopressin.

Dopamine is responsible for reward-driven learning and a variety of highly addictive drugs, including stimulants such as cocaine and methamphetamine, act directly on the dopamine system. Oxytocin plays a role in orgasm, social recognition, pair bonding, anxiety, and maternal behavior.

The researcher who conducted the study, Stephanie Ortigue, says that her results confirm that love has a “scientific basis.”

Personally, I don’t believe the sensation that is being described is actually “love,” but since it’s the feeling that most people want to associate being “in love,” it’s still a useful study.

Read the full article here. Your thoughts, as always, are appreciated. How many times have you felt the rush of love at first sight? And how many of you are still dating your love-at-first-sight guy?

Join our conversation (56 Comments).
Click Here To Leave Your Comment Below.

Comments:

  1. 21
    RuDee

    @ #14

    Thanks so much for this affirmation. I’m definitely one of those predisopsed to the coke habit ūüôā

    I’ve only tripped unexpectedly over two partners but my God, my God. Ive never done drugs but I kept saying to myself and my friends that the feelings and addiction and withdrawal and not giving a shit WHAT I had to do/go through/give up/sacrifice to get my fix was….

    it was beyond my control and scary and gorgeous.

    Clearly, nothing came of either situation. One was a selfish stoner and…oh, yeah, the other one was too. But I’ve spent a lot of time investigating what causes this inexplicable random *crazed* reaction in me. I would have honestly clung to either of them until the end of the world, had they not left first. ¬†

    It’s weird but I’m glad to see that it’s somewhat based in science and being aware of it definitely will help me be more careful and kind to myself as I recover. The latter of my two coke habits cheated on me and I seriously thought that I would truly die I was in so much pain. ¬†

    I’m putting myself back together and determining how much “love” I can handle feeling before I back away/run away should this happen again.

    This thread is total food for thought. Thanks, all.  ¬†

  2. 22
    barnett

    Its really funny because I just had that love at 1st sight type of feeling the other day…On top of that I have feeling the girl I met felt the same…btw ¬†there’s ¬†no telling.

    Anyhow, ¬†I ¬†appreciate ¬†the ¬†scientific ¬†background you provided about love, for it just shows how powerful it is, and believe it or not love is a force that we all need to have in order to live long happy lives. People without REAL Love in their lives often resort to drugs to try to feel the void.

  3. 23
    P

    Its really disheartening (and demonstrative that scientists are only human as well) to see scientists utilizing incorrect wording. ¬† In fact, this article has been lambasted by a few experts in the field for simply that: utilizing the word “love.” ¬†

    It all comes down to how you define “love.” ¬†Currently, in today’s society, we utilize ¬†“love” when referring to a subset of love: ¬†Romantic love. ¬† And in fact, that phenomenon has ¬†only really been around in popular culture since the ¬†French came along and started talking about it as such–during the 1400s I believe. ¬†

    “Romantic love” as we define it today, is that “in love” feeling of overwhelming attraction, desire, passion, and “can’t get enough” of the person. ¬† And, as the article indicates, its driven by intense dopamine cascades, ¬†oxytocin releases, and so forth. ¬† Basically, its called “getting high” on your own juices–hence the comparison to cocaine-related highs.

    Why do we do this? ¬† Simple…to spur us on to mate and ¬†create children. ¬†It is NOT meant as a mechanism to choose a life partner and cannot be such. Biologically, we were not meant to ¬†mate with only one ¬†individual–from a primitive point of view that makes no sense and serious limits the ability of the species to propagate properly and to create proper mixing of the ¬†available gene pool. ¬†A human species that pair ¬†bonds permanently with one mate for children in the distant past would ¬†have likely been a disaster and failure.

    Today, this primitive mechanism of mate choice is no longer very necessary, or adequate–because it doesn’t rely on reason, rationality, or any form of REAL emotion. It relies on the psychological effect of becoming, well, basically high.

    During that period of being “high” (adequately defined as obsessive infatuation), you will unconsciously project your ideal characteristics upon this person. This ¬†person becomes everything you ever wanted, and you will “fit” them into the mold you desire inside your own head. ¬† Even characteristics that would be annoying, values that are not compatible, and so forth will be explained away with self-derived excuses that to an outside observer who is not in this state could even be termed ridiculous. Warning signs will be ignored…because just like a drug addict, you will need your next ¬†“hit.” ¬† This all makes sense from a primitive standpoint…the “high” was there to maintain the pair bond and the ideation of the partner long enough to have a child. ¬† Biology doesn’t care what makes sense or what would make you content long-term–it simply drives you to have that child and continue the species.

    Then, like any drug ¬†you are exposed to over time, you need more and more to get any effect. ¬† Eventually, you CAN’T get the effect…you can’t ¬†really get high any longer from that source. ¬† You begin to actually notice the incompatibilities and flaws in ¬†your partner. ¬† You begin to see them not as your ¬†ideation has made them out to be in your mind, but as they actually are. Disillusionment comes during this phase, when you realize ¬†that you aren’t “in love” anymore (if you use the definition MOST people use for this–which ¬†comes from that feeling of being high). ¬† ¬†

    Primitive humans, at this point, moved on and mated with someone else. ¬† ¬†Again, back when propagation of the species was everything, this made complete sense. ¬† Now, with modern society and MORE than enough people to go around…not so much. ¬† With the toils and turbulence of modern life, from a psychological standpoint what most people actually need is a stable life partner to help them deal with life…not a drug (and we ¬†can all see what drugs do to people over time…they are ecstatic during the highs, but off the highs, they are miserable as the drug isn’t there for them).

    Its a shame people still make life-partner selections based upon “romantic love” (which, I argue, shouldn’t be called “love” at all in order to give proper credit to emotional states which are much more important and define REAL love). ¬†“Romantic love” is a TERRIBLE, AWFUL, HORRIBLE mechanism by which to choose a life partner. ¬† If you are in the throes of such a state, you CAN NOT and WILL NOT make rational decisions about compatibility, LIKABILITY, and any ¬†number of things that are essential towards deciding to spend your life with someone. ¬†

    Furthermore, if you are someone who INSISTS that they feel “romantic love” (infatuation, obsession, etc) before getting to know someone, you are, in my opinion, setting yourself up for disappointment. ¬† Because even if you are amazingly lucky enough to score the jackpot and ¬†that person who gave you those feelings turns out to be compatible enough to stick around (and you want them to) after the inevitable fade, you are going to ¬†end up LONGING for those “highs”…which creates another set of psychological difficulties towards maintaining the relationship.

    Personally, I think its much more important to ¬†have a clear head and decide if you LIKE someone…falling into LIKE. ¬† THAT is a much better basis for building TRUE love and caring in a relationship. ¬† I grant you, in this society of hollywood romantic tales and the robotic insistence of everyone around that thinking rationally is a poo-poo on things its not as “dramatic.” ¬† But in my experience, it is ¬†1000% more STABLE and lasting.
     ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬†
     ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬†

    1. 23.1
      josette

      I LOVE this response. ¬† It makes so much sense to me. I can relate to it!!!!!

  4. 24
    P

    @NN:

    Unfortunately, many people read the stories, like the one you linked to, and take away something that it isn’t saying. ¬† If you want to use the world “romantic” love (which that article goes to great pains to separate from “passionate” love, which most people don’t do), then this study makes sense. ¬† ¬†But what isn’t being taken away from that article, if you understand the ¬†ACTUAL study, is that those who maintained ¬†that form of “romantic” love were those who accepted that “passionate” love DID fade, and ¬†actually WORKED at creating THAT version of “romantic” love (there are too many different definitions of that going around right now–most people see “romantic” love as “passionate” love, and so forth). ¬† ¬†

    In other words, the ones from the study who had “romantic” love and were more ¬†“satisified” were willing to work to create environments which facilitated such feelings without expecting their partner to CREATE the feeling (just by existing). ¬† ¬†Those who faded into “companionate love” were NOT willing to work at facilitating romance, but were also unwilling to give up the relationship (hence, calling it a compromise).

    So, saying you’re unwilling to settle is fine…as ¬†long as you are willing to put that effort into CREATING those feelings. ¬† Just hoping to find someone who makes them happen for you is ¬†simply saying you ¬†are waiting for ¬†that study’s defintion of “passionate” love…which will, as the study suggests, only work for you in the short run.
     ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬†

  5. 25
    JB

    Well I never even made it to the first date (which was supposed to be Saturday night) as the woman just called me and told me she “sort of connected with somebody” and she said she’s “not the type to date multiple people” even though she said “it’s too early to tell where it may go” yadda yadda yadda………

    Then she said she enjoyed my company and would love to “hang out” and that she’d pay her own way etc…… I was very nice and pretended I was happy for her and told her very politely to “that’s ok but you concentrate on your new guy, and if it doesn’t work out give me a call”. Now I’m smart enough to know there may or may not even be “a guy” but no matter what she’s not attracted to me and I’m not a “friend zone” guy I’m an “end zone” guy or nothing. And being that she has 5 months left on her Match subscription I’m sure I was just “guy #3”. Thus the highest high is replaced by the low 9 days later. A “low” that’s lower than normal because the high was so rare. I’m not shocked because I just had a feeling when she made the date that she had “other things” going on and she’d probably cancel. With 20-30 new responses a day why wouldn’t she. ūüôĀ

    Life goes on…………….and on…………

  6. 26
    Still-Looking

    [email protected]
    Sorry to hear it didn’t work out for you.  ¬†I was hoping to hear the second date was more magical than the first.
    I know it won’t make you feel any better but we’ve all experienced the exact same thing.  ¬†I think you hit the nail on the head – she’s in the candy store and with a new shipment of candy hitting her inbox everyday she’s not ready to make a choice now.
    Best advice I can give is to start corresponding with a couple of other women as soon as possible.  ¬†
    I’ve had my hopes dashed several times just like you.  ¬†It took a while for me to realize that the chemistry level of 10 was blinding me to some fairly obvious red flags that I had ignored because of the initial attraction.
    The “one” is out there, you just need to keep looking!  ¬†Best of luck.
     ¬†

  7. 27
    Christie Hartman

    @JB (25): Boo. Sorry to hear that didn’t work out. But I think you handled it really well, and the “low” will wear off. Keep plugging away.
    @P (23): I don’t think romantic love is as bad as you think. In fact, one could argue that it’s a necessity – the high gets them together, then real love keeps them together. You suggest the romantic high is to get people to procreate – absolutely – but it also creates a bond between people who will stick together once the high wears off and raise those offspring they created. Infatuation wanes quickly, and then people can evaluate whether or not their relationship has what it takes to stay the long term.

  8. 28
    JB

    I would have to assume that some ¬†women get that “high” everyday from the endless emails of adulation they get even before meeting and or hitting it off with anyone. It has to be addictive for them? 38 new emails and 17 new winks everyday has to make the dopamine receptors go crazy especially when a woman is new to online dating. Then when their emails trail off they put up a new pic or change the main pic and the responses increase again. That same woman would walk into a bar or into any one of the “singles events” that are in my area and she’d be lucky to have 2 guys approach her because most men can’t handle that immediate “low” of being rejected. Especially in public.

    The flipside to that is men by and large are so used to being rejected/ignored online that an unreturned email doesn’t even phase us anymore because it’s expected. The “high” for us is just getting an enthusiastic response which is how we get addicted to it. The 49 ignored emails are forgotten quickly when the 50th responds. The 3 bad dates are forgotten when you have the “fun” one. Of course that’s only the beginning………….. I can assure you….LOL

  9. 29
    P

    @Christine

    Years ago and before much reflection (and ¬†some research in there ūüôā ) I would ¬†have agreed with you. ¬† However, the evidence just simply doesn’t bear out in favor of what you’re saying. ¬† “Romantic love” creates a very TEMPORARY (by necessity as given in my previous postings) and FAKE bond between people. ¬† Its almost entirely chemically created, and created upon a false foundation where the participants (in the throes of such chemical influences) are simply projecting their ideal picture of a partner onto an existing real person who likely doesn’t fit this ideal. ¬† This is why you see people go from finding a particular trait or habit to be “cute”, to being unbelievably annoyed by said habit or trait several years later. By ¬†making LIFE decisions during this period, people are making decisions based upon faulty and incorrect ¬†inputs. ¬† Its like when people decide to drive when they are intoxicated…it ¬†generally doesn’t work out very well (but it seemed like a good idea at the time). ¬† If you’re lucky, you don’t die in the process and neither does anyone else…but the end experience generally isn’t the best in the world.

    That bond you are referring to ¬†in your context is generally also chemically created, and exists ONLY to keep a couple together long enough to raise a child ¬†long enough ¬†for it to begin to contribute and fend for itself (which, contrary to popular belief, in the distant past was not 18…it was in the 6-7 year old range or younger). ¬† Oxytocin is heavily involved here…and it creates that sense of bond only for a while when you’re constantly exposed to the stimulus that creates it. ¬† ¬†

    From a ¬†psychological standpoint, the LONG term bond that people can possibly create that could last a lifetime is one formed from clear thought and compatible values. ¬† Forming ANY bond while ¬†intoxicated (either through external or internal chemicals) is simply the worst crap shoot you can think of. ¬†

    Another piece of information…after childbirth, women ¬†(and men) ¬†chemically (and ¬†in a lot of cases psychologically) ¬†bond with the CHILDREN, and the bond between the parents begins the waning process. ¬† Hence, the great number of divorces which take place AFTER children are born among people who hold this kind of chemical ¬†bonding in their marriages to be all supreme. ¬† The marriage dies because the glue holding it together is now being chemically driven (in a different way of course) towards the children, NOT the spouses.
     ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬†
     ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬†

  10. 30
    Lily

    A great book to read on this topic is “Is He Mr. Right?” by Mira Kirshenbaum, which discusses the five dimensions of chemistry… it’s not what you think. That intense sexual chemistry is only one element of chemistry, but she says it is absolutely essential because it only declines as life’s stresses increase.
    It’s a great read for men or women, and I believe it was named that by the publisher because more women than men buy relationship books.  ¬†In fact, I’m going to go back and re-read it again, to evaluate my current relationship.

  11. 31
    Rosi

    Uhhh..
    I was married but split from my ¬†former Husband 2002, been working at a Restaurant and met a ¬†Guys who was in Con Core at the Time, ¬†we became Friends.
    I helped the Guy to unpack his Kitchen Stuff after he moved into his Place, we went out for Dinner & ¬†dancing at the Country Music Club. ¬†Somehow we came together and been dating each other, we had a great Time together. I liked him very much, he is a real hopeless Romantic, Flowers came to my Home, ¬†i met his Family, we went to Church on Easter Sunday & all this good stuff. Our Sex ¬†Life sure was never ever boring, and still he has been cheating ¬†on me ¬†with his best female Friend. ¬†I was sure hurt but also still married, so i walked away & we kept in Contact over the next 10 years off and on, He always was ¬†there for me when i had Car Trouble, ¬†he came over to help moving my Stuff and sometimes only to check on each other or to talk about life ect, ¬†just being caring & helpful to each other, thats it. ¬†
    I divorced in 2005, he bought a home & supposed to get married in 2008, he did so good, i was very proud of him that he had a better Life going for himself.
    He bailed out of getting married which he told me later, ¬†plus he did not wanted to get forced into having a Kid, he was 42 years old at the time.
    In 2009, we lost Contact to each other, ¬†he was simply a different Guy, not the same Mark i ¬†used to know, ¬†sad but true. anyway, time past on. ¬†I became my american Citizenship 2010 and wanted to share my good News w/ Mark but i could not ¬†get a Hold of him anymore. I thought maybe he still got married etc or moved away maybe out of State.
    All those Years i never could forget him ori forgive him for cheating on me, but he did ask me quiet ¬†a few times if i know how to forgive somebody !!! There is was, my Heart gave in , i made it possible to forgive ¬†him ¬†but could not tell him ¬†for 2 more years, plus i had to find him first to let him know about what have changed in me.
    Oh Boy, i sure did my Research & found him back in the Prison System, omg, this made me cry, i just could not believe this. So i called the Prison to set up a Visitation, ¬†this was very hard for me cause this was the last thing on my Mind i thought where he would be.
    God had his Fingers ¬†in this Game, i found out that he has been moved to a Rehability Center for Drug Abuse etc, so i ¬†wrote him a Letter, a Birthday card & a Christmas Card last year ! He could not believe ¬†it ¬†as he recieved my Mail. I must have put him into Tears. I have included ¬†my Calling Card & my Home Ph. # ¬†, his Phone Call did not took very long to me, he told me that ¬†i have safed his Life and changed his View of life after he realized that nobody else been looking ¬†for him after he was ¬†locked up, again ??? ¬†New Year 2013, i drove 3 Hrs. to ¬†visit him.
    We always loved each other, this we know but it took 10 long years ¬†to admit it, it all came so easily over our Lips, we keep holding on to each other, ¬†its not going to be easy me at home & he at the Con Core,again, ¬†3 more Months and he will be ¬†back here where ¬†everything has started out for us.
    Its pretty deep, we still love each other and ¬†our feelings became much stronger then ever. He writes me letters almos every Day ¬†and he calls me a lot, he is doing alright now & has a Future to come Home to.
    Fairy Tales do exist.
     ¬†Thank you for reading this !!

  12. 32
    gloria icoy

    possibly a abnormal guy will fallin love?

  13. 33
    angel91

    I met a guy 4years and 8months ago on a dating site we’ve just chatted about 3daysand and he suggested that we meet up it as the wednesday night we immediatly we clicked the following saterdag he asked me if would maybe take the xt step and we have been together ever since and still madly in love

  14. 34
    Mark

    Fascinating stuff, but hardly new.

    It is obvious that the intensity of emotion which accompanies a new relationship is powerful neurochemistry, but then everything it means to be human (or more correctly primate, or perhaps even mammalian) is neurochemistry.

    Like absolutely everything else it‚Äôs there for sound evolutionary reasons. By definition, only those behaviors which increase the reproductive success of any individual multiply in that species’ gene pool, so any effect which increases the likelihood of a man and a woman having sex will be evolutionarily selected for.

    In essence, that’s the main reason why sex is fun. Interestingly, cocaine hijacks neurochemical pleasure pathways that evolved for these other reasons Рthere was never any direct evolutionary selection for the enjoyment of cocaine!

    But I agree with Evan that these intense emotions are not what most people would call ‚Äėlove.‚Äô That takes years. I understand the more correct description is ‚Äėlimerence.‚Äô It‚Äôs exceedingly intense, and it doesn‚Äôt last, because it doesn‚Äôt need to. Only long enough for the woman to get pregnant. Any longer than that, and the distraction from other sensible activities ‚ÄĒ like eating, avoiding enemies, and posting on internet blogs ‚ÄĒ would become, on balance, non-advantageous.

    I know all this limbic-system stuff can sound terribly cynical. But that doesn’t make it not true.

    And the ability to see the world as it actually is is often called cynicism by those who lack it.

  15. 35
    Jennifer

    I never believed in “love at first sight” until I met one particular man.  ¬†Now that we are not together anymore…the withdrawal symptoms are what can only be described as going off of hard-core drugs!  ¬† ¬†

  16. 36
    Debbie

    Don’t know about love at first sight, but I do know I sat next to a German man while I visited for a month..I have never Forgotten him or the feeling and that was 10 years ago.

    1. 36.1
      SparklingEmerald

      I don’t call that initial spark “love”, but for me, it’s often ¬† been the pre-cursor to love. ¬† Sometimes the spark becomes a fire that quickly burns out, sometimes the spark never gets past being a spark, and with both my ex-husbands, the spark developed into an LTR (a 3 year r’ship, 1 year married) and a 27 year marriage, 10 of those years very happy, followed by a few up and down years, then it soured, we were separated long before we made our divorce legal.
      When I was single the question of “where are they now ?” in regards to past men was irrelevant to me. ¬† Until I met my current sweetheart, I could say that all those men that I felt the spark for right away, weren’t with me. ¬† I could also say that the men I tried to “give a chance” to see if love could develop over time, weren’t with me. I had a variety of past experiences with men, and I wasn’t with any of them either. ¬† The men that I slept with early on, the men that I waited to see if we would be compatible, the men I felt instant chemistry for, and the men that I genuinely liked, but couldn’t love.
      I’ve been with my current sweetheart 5 and a half months now. ¬† We were attracted to each other right away. He pursued me with the intention of us becoming a couple from the very beginning but didn’t pressure me for instant sex. I never wondered where I stood with him.  ¬† I didn’t call it “love ¬† at first sight”, but I strongly felt that the potential for a loving LTR was there, not just because of that twinkle in his eye, and that first initial blush of love-in-the making that I felt, but his kind personality, his responsible nature, the conversational chemistry, and the fun we have when we are together.
      I must admit, although it was instant attraction for me, it’s not nearly as intense as it was in my younger days, and for that I am thankful. ¬† The excitement is now starting to mellow into a comfortable, intimate, companionship, and I am very content with where we are now. ¬† I couldn’t have imagined love would be this wonderful this late in my life, but it is. ¬† Different than my younger days, but very exciting, very satisfying and very emotionally sustaining.
      I don’t know what the future holds for us, but right now, I see no end in sight, but I realize that just because I don’t see an end in sight (I wouldn’t be with him if I did) doesn’t mean that there isn’t one.
      But if we don’t work out for whatever reason, I won’t shun that initial spark in subsequent dating encounters, because my longest most fulfilling relationships (fulfilling until they went sour) ¬† all started with the initial spark. ¬† I never “learned to love” any man. ¬† For me, the potential was either there from the beginning, or it never happened at all. ¬† (and I’ve hurt a few guys trying to give love “a chance” to grow)
      I know that other women experience love differently, one of my very good friends is now in a relationship that started as a long term friendship (no “benefits” a traditional, platonic, friendship) ¬† Some relationships (although I suspect very few) start as a booty call or ONS. ¬† But in my 60 years, I know what works for ME.
       ¬†
      It might not work “forever”, but as one of the slogans on this very blog says (and I’m parpaphrasing) “A relationship isn’t a failure because it ended, it was a success because you tried” ¬† (or some similar sentiment)
      JM2C, YMMV.

    2. 36.2
      SparklingEmerald

      This actually isn’t a reply to another comment, but it’s the only way my computer will post. ¬† If I try to just add it to the end of the comments section, it won’t take ūüôĀ

  17. 37
    Shane

    Hey

     

    I really do believe in love at first sight.

    It’s happened to em 3 times. Ok, i’m not in those r’ships now, but to this day(it’s been 10 ¬†years since number 1, 6 since number  ¬†2 went and 1 year since number three went) i still feel  ¬†a warm loving deep caring glow that i don’t feel for any of my other r’ships or short term romances. The first was a gorgeous girl who met me whilst we were both working in modeling and i will never forget how i felt and how i emotionally and physically connected. That ended because she had to move to Australia due to family relocating. The 2nd was a very handsome kind hearted empathetic guy who i got to know , but the instant i saw him, there was some sort of connection. Can’t explain it, it was just magical and his face ‘glowed’ every time i looked at him. This r’ship lasted for years, but it didn’t work out due to him having to travel to Chile with his work and we slowly drifted. I still love him to this day though. The last was a girl who again i instantly fell for , but i’m not sure how much she loved me,,,maybe it was slightly unrequited love..but i’ll always love her. I’ve been with plenty of girls(the guy was just the once) and i’ve never felt those feelings like that  ¬†again.Thanks

  18. 38
    Jeannie

    I had love at first sight, It was wonderful and we were engaged to be married, Then he passed away. I believe it happens, very rare, but it can. Its an amazing feeling,

  19. 39
    Sue

    Love happens over time? ¬† You don’t step into love, you fall!

  20. 40
    Gillbott

    We met online, he messaged first. In my profile I said I wasn’t looking for a screen relationship, I wanted to meet soon. We did. We couldn’t stop laughing and the chemistry was palpable. Our date almost a week later, with very little contact in between. I didn’t worry once.

    On our official first night something clicked. Whether at first sight or later in the night, I ¬†felt things I never have. Yes, it was likely chemically based, but not in my so much nether-spot.  ¬†I never for a second doubted it , questioned it, never worried or suppressed it, it just kept happening, like blushing all over. I realized I was blushing and smiling, and wider when I looked at him, and him smiling back at me, blushing. It’s was so intense but so quiet. ¬†He kept saying we’ve only known each other for like six hours! Just out of the blue. Later that night, we were standing next to each other, again quiet. “Comfortable silence” he said.

    The thing is, I don’t need to analyze it when we aren’t together. The feeling is just there. It isn’t like “oh yeah, he’s pretty cool, I really like him a lot, wow…” It’s just there and quiet somehow. If I don’t get a text, or a call, I’m fine with it. I just know he’s thinking of me. I’m not justifying this or that, I’m just excited to see him when I know I will. We aren’t hurrying into bed. It will happen but it doesn’t need to until it does. Organically.

    We live nearby and he did the old “Did I leave my sunglasses in your car?” This was the fourth time we’d see one another. It was silly, but felt sweet. ¬†– I didn’t think OMG, did he do that ¬†on purpose? Is he just pulling a charmer move? I didn’t think OMG, I’m in day two jeans and day two hair and I haven’t even showered  ¬†and my Uggs are worn out. I was just happy I’d be seeing him. (We didn’t have plans until the next day.)

    He shows up at Trader Joe’s, finds me in line. We’re almost giggling, looking away and both kind of glowing. He parked next to me and we kissed for a couple minutes and I said my ice cream might melt, we agreed that French Vanilla is the best kind and parted until tomorrow.

    I’ve never felt this way. It’s quiet and makes me feel sweet. I don’t think well this is too soon, what is this?  ¬†I don’t need to title it, I don’t get worried if I don’t hear from him, just happy when I do. I smile a lot and realize why after, it’s hard to explain.

    I didn’t pursue him. He gave me his number online and I responded with “touche, here’s mine” I’m not self conscious when we’re together. I like how this feels so, natural. We crack each other up constantly. He’s read my writing and loves it. “I didn’t expect to run into you…” he says. He isn’t being “charming” to get me into bed. We’re just excited for when it will happen but not pushing it. It’s almost like were waiting to make love or something goofy like that. lol

    Of course, I’m ¬†attracted to him physically, and ¬†he can kiss…exactly the way I like to. I’m 48 and he’s 50. We’re both divorced. I wasn’t looking for anyone, and started online dating after I felt ready in who I am, not who I hope to fine to complete me. Are we infatuated? Smitten? Crushing hard? Just really hot for each other? Falling in love? Who knows. The beauty of it is that it doesn’t really matter, it just feels ¬†so nice today. We met about nine days ago.

    And he can kiss…

     

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *