Why Attracting The Wrong Men Isn’t The Real Problem

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This is the second video based on the questions YOU wanted answered in my big survey. Last week, I shared with you the revelation that men are about feelings, not just looks. And that the reason a man will want to marry you has everything to do with how he feels when he’s around you. Make him feel good, and he’ll want to say. Make him feel bad, well, you know the rest.

That idea was not to say that you’ve done anything wrong — you might be the sweetest, most loving, perfect girlfriend ever. I just think it’s surprising to women that men are really driven by their feelings — namely, how they feel around you.

Which is a perfect segue to today’s video, in which you will definitely find yourself nodding your head. After you listen to what I have to say, I’m confident you are going to save yourself YEARS of wasted time in the future.

You Don’t Attract the Wrong Men. You ACCEPT The Wrong Men.

What happens when you find yourself incredibly attracted to a man? Well, there’s the feeling of chemistry and everything that comes along with it — the obsessive highs that come with wanting to be with him, the joy of feeling incredibly connected, and, what you may forget, the willful blindness that allows you to overlook his flaws.

That’s one of the most miraculous things about chemistry: it allows you to focus only on the good and ignore all the bad.

This was incredibly apparent to me when I read your questions in my survey and received hundreds of comments from women attributing your relationship failures to attracting the wrong men. First of all, let’s get one thing straight…

MOST men are the wrong men. If you were an average woman, you’d be able to be with an average man and be content. Since you’re an above average woman — smart, strong, successful – your standards are going to go up accordingly.

By this point, you’ve forgotten the third rule of chemistry: it allows you to focus only on the good and ignore all the bad.

So if, by your standards, 95% of men are the WRONG men, it makes it that much harder to find ANY guy to date, and makes each new man who does qualify seem all the more important. Once a guy passes through your strong chemistry filter, he’s in.

By this point, you’ve forgotten the third rule of chemistry: it allows you to focus only on the good and ignore all the bad.

Which is why you can have incredible chemistry and end up in a TERRIBLE relationship, where he doesn’t call you, doesn’t sleep with you, doesn’t compliment you, doesn’t make you feel safe, and doesn’t commit to you.

But you stick around because of how strong your rare FEELINGS are. You’ve now discovered the real secret to why you’re in dead end relationships:

You don’t attract the wrong men, you accept the wrong men.

If you consistently find yourself in relationships with liars, cheaters, addicts, leeches, or commitmentphobes, your job isn’t to get them to stop lying, cheating, drinking, mooching or committing. Your job is to leave.

At a certain point, it’s not his fault for being fundamentally flawed.

It’s your fault for thinking that your chemistry is powerful enough to change your broken relationship. Remember, most men are the wrong men. Men with chemistry are the ones who break through, but you give them a free pass.

You’ll never stop attracting the wrong men, but starting now, you can stop ACCEPTING the bad behavior of the wrong men… and save yourself years of heartbreak and pain.

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Comments:

  1. 81
    Synetta

    thanks this has shined a brand new light and like the others this was an a-ha moment  for me .

  2. 82
    Maria

    Thank you! Now I know what I have to do!

  3. 83
    dylan

    Woman love bums. American suck.   They will let you down every time.   They want you for your money and that’s it.   Mgtow all.for me, I’ll keep my money

  4. 84
    Didi

    Thank you, this helps a lot. I am recovering from a marriage with a narcissist and have had a couple of flings. One I was fine with being a one night thing, the other I was hoping for more, but ignoring the clear signs, even from myself.

  5. 85
    Kim

    Holy SH**. Years of self help books and a quick google search led me here. Completely on point. I can’t belive such a short article might save me years more heartache.

  6. 86
    Annisa

    I actually hear what you are saying Marc. I have gotten to a point where I dont stay around the wrong men. I have never stayed moths or even years with men wjo are incompatible with me. I just simply leave if there are red flags but how many wrong men do we have have accept until we find the true one?

  7. 87
    Winnie

    Thanks man, love your video.   Spoke to me personally, but finally seeing things differently now.   I now know that i am the one accepting them.   It is my responsibility to reject them and not to worry about the fact that I attract them.   Thank you….. thank you………..

  8. 88
    Dante

    Confronted and surprised with strong filter of chemistry at times, I’d think, to be honest, us guys are again to blame for the most part. I think we need to re-educate ourselves to finally and fully realize that we should drop some key behaviors when it comes to women and rid of the confusion we generate for them about men, in other words . In my opiniom, men need to cease being super goal-oriented when it comes to intimacy and start being a bit pickier, not dating down in order to get laid, respect themselves in a true sense -all of which naturally leads to a real respect for women in return.

    Seriously how mamy girls got confused and felt wrong chemistries just because of that particular selfishness of us men giving them wrong impressions. To make things worse, in my experience, I can tell I saw a signficant amount of women – not the majority though, feeling  chemistry when meeting a guy who was seemingly unavailable. I mean take a closer look at the term ‘unavailable’ again, why on earth such a thing should ever trigger chemistry in a world in which people have every tools possible in their arsenal to date smart, more than ever?

     

     

    1. 88.1
      R

      There is something deeper going on with that chemical attraction.   Google “unhealthy attraction”.

  9. 89
    sandy

    I was very impressed by your video I   have a lot of confusion about how I perceive men   found it very helpful thank you

  10. 90
    Heidi

    While I agree with your post…I’ve dated almost 100ppl and still haven’t met anyone that person. It always ends because I find out something that I can not accept. Mostly some weird sexual proclivity. It’s sad really but I don’t think I want to date anymore. I’m tired.

    1. 90.1
      Sebastian Moon

      Hey Heidi, lol, I really laughed out loud at your comment. Seriously though, you’ve turned down a multitude of guys due to weird sexual proclivities!! – no offence but that is ridiculous!   Fetishes and weird sexual kinks are the spice of life!! Good luck,   but a “boring” guy is your best shot, as you sound like a very boring woman :/

  11. 91
    Ungahhhh

    Theres literally only 4 women I know who managed to obtain an interdependent relationship/marriage. Every other woman I know suffers codependency and overlooks good men for jerks.

  12. 92
    bongstar420

    Woaaaaa…only 5% of all women that exist can have standards that exclude 95% of all men….and the reality is that more than 5% of women do this.
    Think about it. Narcissism

  13. 93
    jasmine

    I had an intense connection with someone I knew for many years and then had decided to date each other for some time.   Before dating, he said he hated seeing me date all these undeserving men. However, he turned out to be worse than the rest.   He knew what I went through and yet he lied about many things.   He went on a trip with his friends to DC and packed condoms with him, he even forwarded nudes of his ex gf saying how they still turned him on; I could go on.   And all these years I considered him my best friend.   Chemistry is deceiving that way.

  14. 94
    Ashley

    My God. I feel like such a fool. Why do us woman do this and get so caught up in something we know, I know, is so wrong for me?

    Is this my first relationship like this, heck no.

    I am a strong independent woman of two beautiful babies, I’m 31 years old. If there’s one thing in this world I hate, it’s an arrogant man. So I have a really, really hard time admitting (but darn it, I am) that I am one stunningly goergous woman. There I said it. I pick such losers and my mother always shakes her head in disappointment saying “daughter why? You could have any man you wanted. A good man. Someone to take care of you for ounce”.

    But that’s just it, I modeled when I was at young age and my whole life has been about my looks. Always dying for people to see me as intellectual instead of this dumb blonde who something to look at.

    Ive been suscessful in my now career working in computer technology. Yet here I am, 31 with two children…in ANOTHER disgusting relationship where my boyfriend lives off of me, can’t hold a job to save his life and has no qualms with letting a single mom support him. I won’t go into detail of the awful things he’s done but let’s just say, it’s more than any person should ever experience in a life time.

    Its funny because I can’t sleep, he’s drained me of all my savings, my goals, my pride, my joy…and now…coming soon, my kids Christmas. Why because now I fight and struggle to support him and all his habits, his 3 children who we have every other weekend and look at me like I’m a cash machine as he does.

    Here is is snoring away, I picked up my phone and searched “why I subconsciously but purposely pick the Wong men”.

    Thats when I came across this.

    I want him OUT of my house, my life, my children’s. My family hates him. His family hates him. But I’m not the victim, I’m not. I CHOSE this. After the many times of kicking him out and the countless times I’ve taken him back after knowing darn good and well that he’ll never change or that he wasn’t sorry.

    My children, my children are the victims. I picked good men too, but they were in so many ways either intimidated by my independent and success and wanted to, or I felt “keep me in a hole” and not let me out or wanted me to be this stay at home person so they could feel I needed them.

    Maybe that’s why I pick guys with nothing going for them…so I can feel needed. I don’t know.

    Everytime I kick him out, I panic and let him come back. I’ll excuse it by saying “well he got a job, and I need to get some of the thousands and thousands of dollars that I lost being invested into this relationship. No, he’s a consumer…and he’ll never stop. Consuming all of his money and all of mine, me and all I have left.

    Hes stolen from me, posted pictures of “himself” to other men oh and other woman. He says awful lies. He’s beyond physically and mentally abusive. He’s a drunk, (what am I doing with a drunk-I don’t even drink) or was but now in treatment for a DUI and I kept lying to myself saying he’ll get better since he’s going to treatment. No, he’s just sober during the week, but on weekends or Fridays because-no pee tests on weekends he’ll excuse just having a beer or 10.

    Wow, I wrote a novel. I am so sorry. What I meant to say, is THANK U! I am so overwhelmed with sadness and disappointment in myself, as me and as a wonderful mom who fights like hell to give my kids the world.

    I want him out. And I don’t know how. I don’t know how. My god, I don’t know how.

    1. 94.1
      Patricia Murray

      Ashley you must know your own worth and know that you are better than him and therefore deserve better. My low life ex wanted me to move in with him. From what I know now, he probably wanted to get me in there so I can pay bills so he has more money for his daily weed habit. Or for trips cause he likes to travel. Who the hell knows, but when I found out he smoked weed 5 days a week I said no I am not moving in. I guess that’s when he decided to dump me, but good riddance, I say he didn’t deserve me and I deserve better so do you. Realize you can do bad by yourself. Take your power back and make it on your own. Good luck.

  15. 95
    Patricia Murray

    This was very enlightening and spot on for me. I recently broke up with a guy I had a very strong chemistry with, whom I thought we would be together for the rest of our lives. We dated 96 days, but truth be told after six weeks it was over. Come to find out he’s a big liar, he smokes pot everyday did a good job of hiding it from me, is married but separated from his wife for 4 years?   And sex started being perfunctory. I told him I was not going to be treated like a two dollar trick and if he didn’t want me to let me go so he says let’s just be “friends then”.    Last week he couldn’t live without me this week, bye and I haven’t heard anymore from him. That was Monday. So I’ve been asking myself why did I do it? Why did I get involved with someone like this? There were red flags everywhere and I totally ignored them, now I know why, because of the instant chemistry we had. I’m smart, educated, successful but my personal life has been a series of the wrong guy.   Thanks for this video. It has given me great insight.

  16. 96
    Ash

    Fantastic video blog and article.

  17. 97
    James

    Then again it is very unfortunate for many of us men that keep meeting the wrong type of women all the time as well since most of the women these days do really prefer the bad boy type of men over us good men which makes these women not really smart at all to begin with.

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