Want a Great Relationship? Choose a Man Who Does THIS.

Man and woman with a great relationship

If you’ve ever been in a bad relationship, what I’m about to share is going to make total sense. If you ever want to find a good relationship, you should pay close attention.

Amy Alkon is a science writer who did a piece in Psychology Today about John Gottman, the grandfather of couples counseling. I did the same a few years back

She notes, “A happy relationship is actually made out of dozens of little daily shows of attention to one’s partner—sometimes of the most mundane kind: a grunted yes, the crack of a smile, a nod. These are responses to what marriage researchers John Gottman and Janice Driver call “bids for connection.” They are the many small attempts people in relationships make to get their partner’s attention, affection, or emotional support…

You can respond to this “bid” in one of three ways: Ignore the bid (“turn away”), express irritation (“turn against”), or reply lovingly (“turn toward”)…

In Gottman and Driver’s research, they observed the interactions of just-married couples and then checked in with them six years later. At the six-year mark, the couples who were still married were those who’d initially “turned toward” each other 86% of the time, on average. The couples who ended up divorced had a 33% turn-toward rate.”

It’s not the grand gesture – the romantic dinner, the diamond earrings, the fancy vacation – that ultimately determines the success of your marriage. It’s the quality of your daily interactions.

It’s easy to say that this study is akin to a researcher determining that water is wet or that people can be mean on the internet. But it’s actually a profound insight into what makes relationships work. It’s not the grand gesture – the romantic dinner, the diamond earrings, the fancy vacation – that ultimately determines the success of your marriage. It’s the quality of your daily interactions.

If you choose a man who is kind, attentive and affirming, you’re going to have a much happier partnership than if you choose a guy who tells you he loves you but treats you like shit. Your thoughts, below, are greatly appreciated.

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Comments:

  1. 1
    In Hiding

    In other news, Captain Obvious was the lead researcher on the project….

  2. 2
    Kitty

    Sounds obvious but the number of people who can’t pull it off is..intriguing I guess.

  3. 3
    lol

    it’s because what they say they want and what they sexually respond to is night and day. if you get wet for sociopaths and spread your legs for them, isn’t going to make decent men magically fall into a relationship with you, nor is it going to encourage them to continue to be decent men towards you when you’ve made it clear you see them as the lesser man.

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