How to Make a Guy Call Instead of Texting You

How to Make a Guy Call Instead of Texting You

I’ve been on record for saying how much I dislike texting. I even found a chart to tell you when to text and when not to text.

But texting MUST be the icing; it can’t be the cake.

The real issue is that texting is ubiquitous and it’s not going anywhere soon. Instead of using it as a way to say hi or let you know he’s running late, it becomes a crutch for real relationship communication. These days, there are men who use it as the ONLY way of keeping in touch. There are women who use it as the ONLY way of having a serious discussion.

These are inherently flawed strategies. A first-person piece on concurs:

“A short text in the middle of the day to let someone know you are thinking of them is a sweet gesture. But if you imagine that sending a daily barrage of texts, such as “driving to work, heading to lunch, or just left a meeting” is a romantic way to show you are thinking of your partner, think again.”

To clarify – if these texts are used in ADDITION to phone, email, and actual dates, they’re fine. I text my wife to ask her to pick up something from the grocery store when she’s out. She texts me from the kitchen to tell me she loves me. But texting MUST be the icing; it can’t be the cake.

Yet that’s what’s been established. Men collect phone numbers online. They text five women at the same time. They never pick up the phone to make a true connection, because they want to keep their options open. And women complain that men aren’t stepping up to the plate.

They’re right in one regard – texting is a shitty form of communication. But it’s not HIS fault if the texting persists; ultimately it’s yours. If you accept that he only texts you, never calls you, never asks you out for a proper date, you’re tacitly CONDONING this behavior.

What incentive does he have to step up to the plate if he can get away with a minute of phone foreplay? Why SHOULD he call? Why SHOULD he plan dates? Really, if he can text you, on Friday night at 10: “Come over, I miss you,”. And you DO IT?! There’s no reason for him to spend more time, more money, more energy, or more emotion on you. He’s having his cake and eating it, too.

You want a guy to treat you like a serious relationship candidate instead of part of a harem? Insist on being treated that way.

“Thanks, cutie! I turn off my cell phone at night, but you can call me on my landline after 9. Talk to you then!”

“Aw, Jeff, you’re adorable. But if you want to see me, you’re gonna have to try a little harder. You have your phone in your hand. I have my phone in my hand. Press the little green dial button and see what happens!”

You want a guy to treat you like a serious relationship candidate instead of part of a harem? Insist on being treated that way.

“Glad to hear you’re having a great day, Brad. You know what would make it even better? If you were to hear the dulcet tones of my voice. 🙂 Hit me up tonight after I get back from the gym, okay?”

If the guy doesn’t respond, ignores your requests for phone time, and treats the phone as if it’s only a means to text, you know what you do?

You cut him loose. No emotion. Matter of fact.

You seem like a good guy, Alan, but I’m not looking for a texting buddy, I’m looking for a boyfriend. And since all you’ve done is text me twice a week for the past six weeks without any increased effort, I’m going to take that as a sign that you’re not that interested in a relationship. No hard feelings. I wish you the best of luck in your search. Take care.”

Don’t be afraid that you’re losing your potential boyfriend. You’re not. You’re freeing yourself of the burden of waiting for an indifferent man to show you he cares. If he cared about you, he’d WANT to call you, WANT to see you, WANT to commit to you.

The texter has already shown his stripes. All you’re doing is calling him on it.

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  1. 91

    Dear Evan Marc Katz as result of this certain article I have cut loose many guys who couldn’t be bothered after I asked. Anyways a man who I meet online who I was playing email ping pong asked me out I simply said if he really wanted to take me out he will need put more effort in and call me. To my surprise he did he said he loved chasing women and was unattracted when they chased him so now to any man who wants to date me I will do this to see who is serious no more excuses for just accepting messages . I felt empowered by doing this and saw he really listened. He said he will call again tomorrow so we shall see but if he does I’ll know I found a good one and that I’ll only mirror not matter how I feel for a man and will keep my options open until one is my bf. Thankyou Evan 🙂 no more wasting time on men to just text

  2. 92

    I’m honestly exhausted. I come back to this post and comment thread every time a new man throws his phone number at me in his second message telling me to text him.

    I always counter with “I usually don’t have my phone on me throughout the day” or “Call me old fashion, but I’d love to hear your voice and get to know you voice-to-voice,” give my number and ask them to give me a call after 6pm any evening.

    Every single instance has gone one of two ways:

    1. He ignores my request/invite to call and proceeds to text me. I don’t respond. They text again days to a week later. I don’t respond. They gonbackward and turn to email or messaging and ask how I am. I never respond. They never contact again.


    2. They text one evening. We share a few friendly, get to know you texts. Somehow they toss in a comment about “wishing they were right there next to in the couch watching a movie/eating dinner/listening to music” or whatever task I’m doing. Mind you, I’ve neither met nor spoken to the man, but they seem to immediately believe I will invite them into my home. I send back a lighthearted, “one day, perhaps you can be!” They never text again and I have yet another strangers phone number in my phone.

    It has come to the point you can’t even get to a phone call or a date.

    I just received three texts massages and three photo in a row from a man I very clearly and politely asked to call me after 7pm

    Like… Come on, dude. Come. On.



    1. 92.1

      Don’t be to nice. If you want them to call, just tell them : Call me. End of story . You are the catch, but don’t wait for miracles either. No call no party his loss. But to be honest if he does, wont change a thing if he is a jackass ….

  3. 93

    My bad. I just got an email update from him. He said he “Sent a text, but didnt hear back so wasn’t sure if I got it.” He then wrote his number again and told me to text him. He told me to “ONLY text because he has his girls (daughter) and through the week.”

    He actually used those words, “Only text me…”

    I told him I have plenty of time to speak this weekend if that works for him and to give me a call anytime Friday through Sunday to chat voice-to-voice. I am by no means naive enough to believe he will or “can.” He’s ignoring my preferences and attempting to force me to text with him for a reason. Even if he truly is a divorced man and sharing custody, one can find a way to speak in private if one truly wants. He could have taken a few minutes and called during his work day. He could have offered to call on the weekend when his “girls” aren’t there. He is attempting to force me to text with him. The reason why I shall not waste my time or energy worrying about further.

    Moving on.

  4. 94

    Why I Agree: I just ended the 2nd relationship in 10 months where I met the guy on a social media app, it grew in to a romance on the “line” app, all through texts, then I found they were both hiding their marriages. End of story. Never again (both were long distance).

    Why I Disagree: Given this article is tuned toward “If you want the guy to call you”, this is not so much of a disagree, but I’m interested in a new guy, and we text more than call because we are foodies and zip food pictures back and forth. Our calls have been awkward, and texting helps us both (I think) flirt, and feel comfortable when others are in earshot. That said, when I feel we need to up a notch- I’m definately following this article’s advice. I don’t want a 3rd offender (It’s another LDR),

  5. 95

    Hi Kits-

    Why the focus on LDRs?  They seem to be the common denominator with your problems as of late.

    Just an observation…

  6. 96

    Josie, you’re right! It’s because every guy I come across is married, married, married. Even when I’m hit on, and flirted with, there is a dang ring on their finger! Something about me shoots out vibes to married men, and not single ones. I’d never entertain such a thing- so I don’t know what it is. I’ve had to resort to social networks and online dating, but then they are out of state, and it’s obviously not such a great filter…

  7. 97

    Love this ! Its absolutely true

  8. 98

    I love this post!  Thank you for some reassurance that not every guy has lost his mind on the subject! And yes,  a text message is inferior to a phone call.  Always. Unless you’re lost and need directions to your date’s house. I would go so far as saying that text messages are only the teaspoon of vanilla that goes into the icing.

  9. 99

    I have found this post and everyone’s comments to be interesting. I honestly prefer texting. It is easier for me with work and then after work taking care of my daughter. There is hardly time to talk on the phone except for maybe 5 mins or less. Or waiting until my daughter is sleep but by then I’m tired an want to sleep myself. I have started asking men to call me if we are texting extensively but I  honestly am doing it mostly because I feel I am supposed to and believe that is how dating should work. I enjoy talking on the phone every once in awhile and when time allows especially if conversation is good but I’m comfortable either way as long as there is variety–texting, calling and face to face. I wonder though if many of you are older than me because I primarily talk to everyone, friends and family, via text except my mom. Texting does not affect my relationship with them… I’m 31 and have been texting since I had a cell phone. I joke that I use my phone for everything except phone calls. I like the example responses to request calls though and have been using them more just to add variety for when I would like to speak on the phone. Please don’t think I’m emotionally unavailable because I’m not. And I would argue that men are not texting to be elusive but rather it’s just easier with gym, meetings, kids, etc. If you want to talk on the phone, just tell them. If they don’t call, let them go…

  10. 100

    I can kinda see your point. I’m dating a full custody single father of 4, who is an elementary school teacher. He literally has 0 time where he can talk sexy with me. We have to text it. He’s mobbed with people day to night. I told him to call me early on, and our relationship halted. Texting lets us be the people we are without editing our comments. I’m also dating the guy I referred to above who’s a pilot, and same thing. He can literally never call during the day without gobs of people on him. Plus, we text recipes and talk about them later. He does call after he’s in the hotel room, or at home. But, I’m talking to a third guy who has no excuse, and I’m lowering the Katz boom on him today. No more pen palsies.

  11. 101

    Great article that gave me a new perspective.

    I am dating a really great guy who very very rarely texts. Part of it may be his age (mid-40s; I’m in my late 30s). I am used to guys who text me all the time, while they’re at work, while they’re at home. From him, I get a good-morning text and a nightly phone call with fairly little in between. Drives me NUTS. But I am trying to appreciate that he is also extremely busy professionally and with his family, and that while he can’t really be texting me during meetings with clients during the day, he DOES take time every night to call me and talk. And that’s worth a lot more than a quick “hey baby” during the day.

    Also, I completely agree with you about guys who just want to text and text and text. There was a guy I talked to for at least a couple of months (and I gave him WAY more leeway than I normally would because he was an unusual combination of a really ripped scientist, which is pretty much my dream guy). However, any efforts to encourage him to call or invite me out were sidestepped. Eventually I told him that I was not looking for a texting buddy, and to let me know when he was ready to ask me out. He said he understood … and that was the last I heard from him.

  12. 102

    OMG, Thank you! I am so tired of immediately being asked for my phone # so we can “talk.” That’s not talking, it’s texting, and I don’t want a texting relationship, I want an actual one. Plus, why would I hand a stranger my phone number when that information can literally unlock a plethora of personal information? Nope. Ask me out, then we’ll see about texting.

  13. 103

    Insightful, but where I live , texting works, but calls drop, for lack of service strength. And no landline. So texting becomes our crutch. What should we do in that case??

  14. 104

    One of my main reasons for preferring phone contact to text is that it prevents the other person from treating me as a convenience. I don’t want to be squeezed in amongst the myriad of other things they’re doing at the same time. Id rather know I have their undivided attention when we talk.

  15. 105

    Well sadly in my case, he wants to commit, he wants to see me…..but he never wants to call

    Calls are bare minimum, if nothing at all. Don’t know what is it about him.

  16. 106

    Why is it acceptable for a guy to wanna text only or fb messenger even after you request a call to make plans. He didnt call nor did we do anything plan wise that day. Its frustrating to the point i ended things. he began to be childish and hurtful with words when i brought up what im looking for. Immaturity hasnt gone away at 41 its sad to know what i have to look forward to.

  17. 107

    well said alright. I’m too old for this shit.  I have a 52 yr old guy, who acts like a 32 yr old guy.  So far, all he wants to do is text me.  I’m cutting him loose.  He’s sweet, very nice personality.  But I guess I’m too old for this crappy kind of communication.  I want a real man who is confident enough to call me on what we used to call a “telephone”!!!!     Geez, where are the real men anymore  Men are turning into a bunch of cowards these days hiding behind the internet, email, texts – very sad cases, very sad.


    1. 107.1

      Thats exactly what they are doing. Hiding behind the internet, texts, etc. But what if it is a LDR?

  18. 108

    Excellent article Evan. Totally agree with all that you said. There is no way you can just rely on texting only. It must be done in addition to phone calls, visits etc. And texting cannot be used to discuss serious issues. No way.

  19. 109

    I like the comments and the advices from everybody.

  20. 110


  21. 111

    If you want a guy to call you then yeah, as Evan says, just ask. BUT, I do think some of you ladies are being a little too liberal with your use of the nuclear option, ie this is a deal breaker, he’s not a real man, he’s a coward etc). Calling/texting just seems a relatiely minor thing, I mean it sounds like carolM 107 considers texting not far below serial killing. Come on, guys, a little perspective.

  22. 112

    Texting is great g for quick messages. Not so great for conversation. Damn people, I know I’m old, but I’m not a ******dinosaur. Use the  (voice) phone, guys; it works! Trust me!

  23. 113

    I had a very weird encounter with a man on eHarmony. He messaged me, eager to meet up. As soon as we got off the site, he did absolutely nothing else but text me. The few times I would casually suggest we had a phone call, he’d flake at the prospect and make excuses. So he just continued texting until I put my foot down one day and said I much prefer calling. What did he do? He rang my phone. When I picked up there was complete silence on the other end that persisted regardless of my hellos, before I hung up. Seconds later, he texted claiming he agreed with my sentiments about calling, he’s a ‘natural talker’ and that he didn’t like texts because they can ‘miscarry info’.

    Safe to say I blocked that guy. An exemplary student of Timewasting 101.

    1. 113.1
      Carrie A Jacobs

      Breadcrumbing. MY experience with eharmony exactly!


  24. 114
    Cathy Williams

    Texting.  At first it was nice after meeting a man..or before meeting a man.  But now..i loathe it because it is all they seem to really want…and it seems especially men in their 50’s and up (i am 55).  I establish a very early boundary of this upon our first meeting or online initial contact of “i really don’t like texting, but you are welcome to call me”.  Most of the time it works out fine. I strongly advise women of all ages not to wait around on a man much more than a day or two if you have told him “you prefer not to text, phone calls please for real conversations” and he does not call and persists in texting for conversations.  Once u have set ur boundary don’t be fooled by his excuses and keep texting him back. I agree with Evan, short texts are fine, but don’t text in place of real conversation.  Cut him loose…ur an option.  Option him out.

  25. 115

    very good and informative article 


  26. 116

    This is crazy society today !!! No morals , no values.  I am goodlooking , educated woman I can’t find one decent man for me !!! Bunch of sick men ! All they asking cyber sex , or chatting for hours.  No one of them interesting to date.

  27. 117
    sadie smith

    So perfect! Men will continue to give the bare minimum that women allow.  A man should WANT to talk to his woman- doesn’t count if she has to ask for or demand it.

  28. 118
    Elizabeth Barfield

    Thank you

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