I know you think you’re probably a great communicator. Think again. Most women are either sabotaged by oversharing your thoughts, not fully accepting your man for who he is, or by pressuring him to be someone he’s not. If you’ve done any of these things, my posts on communication are for you.
In this case, the consequence is that people conduct entire relationships via text – and, objectively – text is not the best way to conduct a relationship. The easiest, maybe. The laziest, for sure? But I don’t know a single important conversation that ever went BETTER because it was being conducted by text.
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Listen, I’m sure there are some honorable dissenters who think that all teasing is inherently cruel, who believe that to make fun of someone is punching down, and that moral, sensitive people would never even make the justifications I’m making.
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After 300 dates in New York and Los Angeles between the ages of 25-34, I’ve now been with my wife for twelve years. Our relationship pre-dates dating apps, pre-dates social media, and pretty much pre-dates texting as a primary form of communication.
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All too often, I’d rather talk than listen. Especially when the salient points are buried deeply in a stream of unnecessary detail. This is never more manifest than within my marriage
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It’s not whether you will disagree; it’s what you do about it afterward. Listening, validating, not attacking, looking for points of agreement, assuming the best intentions: these are the hallmarks of healthy communication and successful relationships.
Read More… 291 comments David Brooks is a modern-day philosopher masquerading as a newspaper columnist. I may not agree with every word he writes (he’s still a Republican, I think) but he’s a moderate…
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You go out with a guy on Friday. You’re bored stiff. He calls you the next day to say he had a blast and can’t wait to see you again. You determine he’s a needy stalker.
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It’s generally not my style to link to other advice columnists, but my friend, Lori Gottlieb, author of the new book,”Maybe You Should Talk to Someone” does such an incredible job that it feels like a dereliction of duty to keep her to myself.
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I am a 25-year old woman living in North Carolina. I’ve been with my loving, consistent boyfriend (also 25) for a year now and I’ve been impressed with how easy and natural the relationship is. We live separately but see each other at least 2-3x/week and have keys to each other’s places.
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Vanessa Van Edwards does YouTube videos and articles about charisma on her website, The Science of People. I ran across this one and thought it was applicable to dating.
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The thing that I most love about Dan is that I can be myself around him. At 52 years old, I’ve never felt that way with any man I’ve dated… I believe that it’s just a matter of time before all of you beautiful women on here find someone special. Don’t give up!
You provide a reality check and remind me that everyone has doubts and there is no one "normal" response to love and commitment. I think your insight and perspective is incredibly accurate - you seem to understand the plight/perspective of the working, successful urban woman over 30.
He recently started referring to us as boyfriend and girlfriend and it makes my heart sing. I really feel that we are moving towards the next level in our relationship and I continue to listen to “Why He Disappeared” on a weekly basis to keep myself grounded.
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