Are Height Requirements Still Keeping You From Finding Love?

a couple who doesn't care about height requirements
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In the annals of “things that definitely don’t matter when you’re 70”, nothing is more irrelevant to marital happiness than height.

Money matters. If one partner is chronically unemployed or in debt, relations can get strained.

Intelligence matters. If your partner can’t understand what you’re talking about or lacks the maturity to try, he’s a waste of time.

Weight matters. If someone is morbidly obese, he’s probably not making it to age 70.

(By the way, ladies, this does NOT mean he has to be taller, smarter or fitter than you. He just can’t be poor, stupid and fat. Got it?)

Nothing is more irrelevant to marital happiness than height.

But one thing that I’ve never really gotten – after 10 years as a dating coach – was women’s obsession with height. And it’s not a myth. It’s real. An article on Jezebel discusses a report from the Atlantic that illustrates that the average height differential between 4600 married American couples was six inches and that the wife was taller in 3.8% of couples. However, “when the author randomized the information as well to see what would come up by chance, he found something surprising: left to chance, the wives were taller in 7.8 percent of couples– twice as many as before. Meaning, people are choosing to maintain this six inches of difference by going out of their way to pair up according to this distinction.”

This is a rigid and arbitrary preference – most noteworthy, to me, in short and tall women.

With short women, EVERYBODY’s taller. So, if you’re 5’1″, what difference does it make if he’s 5’7″ or 6’1″? Yet some short women discriminate against average sized (5’7-5’11”) men.

On the other hand, with tall women, since only 15% of men are over 6 feet tall, it would stand to reason that a 5’11” woman would be well served to open up to shorter men, instead of insisting that he has to be 6’3′, because that’s how tall she is in heels. There simply aren’t enough 6’3″ men to go around, and if you restrict yourself to them, you’re killing your chances of finding love – for pretty much no reason.

It would be like a male millionaire holding out for a female millionaire who makes more than he does. Is it possible? Yes. Likely? No. Necessary? Definitely not.

The author of the Jezebel piece is 5’11” and had a very healthy and refreshing take on height:

I never felt I was making some kind of concession by dating men shorter than me – I just dated people I was attracted to. But since most men are shorter than I am, had I eliminated them on the basis of shortness, I’d have been sitting out all those dances I never actually went to. In order to find a guy six inches taller, I’d have to find a guy who was 6’5.

She ended up marrying a guy a few inches shorter than her. Good for her.

And if this bugs you and you think you should be holding out for a tall guy, that’s your business. Just keep in mind that your current height criteria cuts your potential mates drastically – and that’s before we talk about age, ethnicity, education, income, personality, religion, emotional intelligence, values, kindness, consistency, attraction to you and desire to be married. He’s gotta have all of those things, plus be in the 15% of men who are six feet tall? Good luck with that.

Please read the article here and share your thoughts below.

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Comments:

  1. 241
    Kitty

    What a fascinating thread.   I will simply add an anecdote:

    Once a few years back I was at a speed dating event and several of us ladies were making conversation before the men and women introduced.   Two tall women (self-identified as 5’10 and 6’1) were commiserating about how hard it was to find men “tall enough” for them.   One told a story about how her 6’5 brother dated a girl in high school who was little more than 5 feet tall and how she’d angrily told him “Not only are you depriving a tall girl of one of her few appropriate options but you’ll end up polluting our family gene pool with this girl”.

    “Wow”, I thought, “I know that many prefer taller mates but I didn’t know we short folks were genetically inferior”.   FTR I’m 5’1 and I’ve happily dated men between 5’7 and 6’2.   Yes, guys under 5’8 in the US have it very rough.

  2. 242
    beth

    I am a woman who is 6 feet tall and will not date anyone shorter than me. It’s far too awkward. I also find that many guys who are 5’10 or 5’11 consider themselves to be 6 feet tall. Then we meet in person and I realize they are not. This is my issue and I take full responsibility for it. I hate being tall and it has held me back from doing many things I wanted to do in life. The last thing I want to do is highlight my height by dating someone shorter than I am. I would rather be single.

    1. 242.1
      S.

      Beth, I have a question and I mean it respectfully: one single inch makes it more awkward? But if they were exactly your height you’d be more at ease?   I’m curious about the one inch.

  3. 243
    Mark Russo

    It must be me, as a male 6’1” I for some reason am attracted to tall women, however crumble when i am with one who towers over me.   My present gf is 5’11” and everything is great and then she’ll go with the 5” or 6” heels and yes her legs,ankles and feet are gorgeous/perfect it’s just her lips become almost out of reach when we are standing and she senses my being uncomfortable with the difference, however insists since it doesn’t bother her why should it bother me, I don’t get   that logic and I tell her it does.   I don’t want to tell her what to wear, however a 3” would work?

     

     

     

  4. 244
    Katherine

    I’m 5’11 and I’ve dated men who were 6’3 and up who have told me I’m too tall to date, also men who were shorter than me. They also make comments on the size of your hands, practice those kind of humiliating things where they put your hands above yours just to make sure theirs is bigger. Frankly, even if I didn’t give a shite at 20, at 25 I’m tired of insecure men who think of me as less womanly, I simply don’t have time for them. I want a muscular man who is only slightly shorter, same height or taller than me. I do find them more attractive, especially because I started craving babies more, and I am absolutely certain it’s a natural instinct to want men with large muscles and a height advantage to feel safe anywhere. I am attractive and I’ve attracted a lot of attractive men of different heights who just want to sleep with you, never date you

  5. 245
    Mary

    5’8” email marrived    to 5’4” man – not a problem for us, but MANY people have ridiculed us.   I think it is ridiculous and shallow.

  6. 246
    Mark

    From my experience from real life, all women care about is height. Like seriously, and the fact that there are SO MANY baby moms with 6 feet   but with no job and no personality baby dads walking around proves this. It’s almost sad, like these women were so blinded by height requirements they did not realize anything else about these men. And then they go on social media and say they did not know he was a bad person until he left them. As a short guy myself I can’t tell you the many times where I felt like I had good chemistry with someone but was still rejected because of the height requirement. It sucks, but what really gets me is that statistically tall men get better educated, college degree wives (regardless if those guys are college educated or not) while short guys aren’t able to get those kind of women . As a college educated man who has a good job but happens to be short this is depressing to know that my female equivalent is more likely to pass me up because of my height alone. As a matter of fact there are a number of women at the company I work at marry men who make way less than they do, but it didn’t matter because they were tall.

  7. 247
    Dustin

    This is depressing… I’m 5’11”. I own several businesses, make way above average in money and live in Europe and other parts of the world 3 to 6 months out of the year. I keep hoping I can find someone to travel with me and enjoy an an adventure. Regardless numerous women (usually in the states) won’t date me since I’m not at least 6ft or taller. I’m even getting women telling me this directly. So that was when I decided to look into the statistics of how many 6ft+ men are out there which led me to this site. Here it says only about 15% of the male population is 6ft or taller. At this point it really leaves starting a family and finding love to complete chance in a very high stake low probability game of attraction. All the while these women are only becoming increasingly older which conflicts with men’s desire of being with a woman who presents neotenous features. I’m not sure what can be done to get young women to get a little more real about their very high and nearly ridiculous standards for height. I suppose when a significant amount of women are having sex with the most tall and attractive men without marriage in place, it has a tendency to over inflate their egos. But they don’t realize that they are not the only ones choosing. Perhaps this is why traditionalism and arranged marriages existed in the not so distant past all in an attempt to manage women’s increasing and unattainable expectations of a man they believe they deserve. I guess the question now is whether or not I should go to China and get surgical leg extensions to make myself 6ft (or maybe taller). I’m a family minded guy and I would like to have a family but it looks like I’m just too short here at 5’11″…

  8. 248
    B

    I have dated and continue to date all different heights of women and body types thin,curvy,average.If you asked me what my type is i could not tell you. But i donot date overweight women. To me being overweight   (30lbs +) is a turn off. Yes some might say shallow but that is completely different than height. Obesity can be avoided, height your born with. Now obviously some persons do have a medical conditions that puts the pounds on. Very small %. It all comes down personal preference, and for the persons who need to date someone for personal gain,status,look at my tall man or double d woman, what are ya gonna do thats their decision and life. Just be yourself and if someone does not like you forget about it move on. Before you know it we all will be wrinkled old people thinking why did i give a sh-t about that crap. No ones perfect but good luck to you all in finding that person who is perfect for you. By the way im 5’7 180lb male 43yrs old silver hair, very fit ,Blue collar man that has dated alot and continues to date, from women that work as a cashier to making 500k a yr, to 6’3 to 4’10 and honestly never really came across the height issue with any of them. I’ve been told that im an attractive man numerous times but im no brad pitt and donot make 6 figures a yr and only have a highschool education. Ofcourse i have come across women who donot want to go on a date but never were rude about it and most of the time we will still have a nice conversation even tho we both know its not gonna lead to a date. C’mon,everyone has been approached and you were not interested, does that make you shallow   NO   . Average woman can become absolutely beautiful and sexy after talking to her(personality). Guys im sure some women feel that same way about us. Being short does not mean you cant walk with confidence take over a room when you do. Until you except who you are and have real confidence in yourself that issue will always bother you. I guarantee when you do you will never   experience that feeling again because it wont matter.

     

     

  9. 249
    C

    I’m 5’10” but apparently that’s still too short.   Most women especially on dating sites like Match only want men 6′ and up.   They automatically consider men under 6′ not being good men.

    I have been blessed with a career, am a homeowner, college grad, excellent credit and great income.   But not being 6′, I’m continuously being overlooked and ignored.   I’ve seen women on Match being 5’1″ saying they only want 6′ and up.   In fact I had a women 5’4″ tell me I was vertically challenged.

    I hear many women saying there are no “good men left”.   But if all they desire are 15% of the men in the US (not counting the ones in prison, married, or otherwise), then of course there aren’t going to be enough.     There are a lot of good men out here they just don’t meet height requirements (which is completely out of their control).

  10. 250
    Rance

    I totally agree with this thread. I mean people are entitled to their own preferences, but super tall women try so hard to hold out for guys taller than them and then complain that there are not a lot of good men out there. There absolutely are. It’s just that they don’t meet tall womens’ “height requirement.” I’m personally 5’5” and maybe even 5’4” now. I don’t find tall women intimidating at all. I think it’s really just so much pressure from American society that the guy has to be taller. I think lots of shorter men would date taller women, but they are too closed off. Like I said, everybody is entitled to their own preferences. Just don’t bitch about your situation if your “height requirement” causes you to be single for the rest of your life lol.

  11. 251
    Azman

    This comment section is pathetic. Height really doesnt matter in the real world if you are in between 5 8- 6 5 and most men are in this height range.

  12. 252
    George

    Its really simple why women are making taller that 6 foot has become a thing. Women starting as girls are programmed by the powers that be to only date and marry guys who are college educated, makes more money bla bla bla…. Problem is far less men are going or have gone to college. More women make more money than men, college educated men marry and date much younger women and if they went to college and what their job status is not an issue. Women hold more U.S wealth and spend more. And more bla bla bla..
    Fact is there is a serious shortage of what women say is a marriageable man and its been a problem since the late 1980’s. Men are going their own way by avoiding dating, marrying and sometimes avoid women physically as much as possible making even men who are uneducated and broke not a hopeful option even if they erase some musts off their list.
    So women have made an excuse they can use when they are shunned for not having a boyfriend or husband or whatever with height being the new key excuse. Fact is and women love this for their single excuse that being there are very few men 6 foot or taller and the taller the more rare and women hope most people can’t comprehend the statistical facts about male over 6 foot height scarcity. Being 6’3 I looked up the stats for American Men once regarding height and thats what I learned. I was wondering why since awhile before this article women were hitting on me far more than usual I was fatter than ever before and pretty much gave up on finding regular sex thinking the mid 30’s power flip with women desperate for marriage and babies era in my life was the most consistent sex time of my life ever. Now with this taller than 6 foot thing I’m having more sex than I ever thought possible and with more women I ever dreamed.
    So all in all this 6 foot thing is just another excuse used to explain why single women are boyfriend less and still single.

  13. 253
    Harry Rothchild

    As a male 6’’2” in a serious relationship with a beautiful woman
    6’7” and thinks nothing about wearing hi heels and I must admit
    there are times her towering over me is a bit humbling, but knowing
    that her love for me as well as mine for her no matter how awkward
    at times our situation can be/seen in public, but in the bedroom it’s never
    been awkward or a concern.

  14. 254
    Scott Bryant

    I am a male 6’2” and for the most part relationships haven’t been much
    of a problem unless like my present partner is 6’5” and that’s manageable, then she goes with those heels and when we are standing
    that’s when my height of 6’2” becomes irrelevant and I am nothing more
    than some short dude with a much taller woman and in all honesty it’s
    really humiliating no matter how many times she professes her love for
    me as she leans/bends down/over to kiss and whisper in my ear.
    It’s great in the bedroom even with her heels.

  15. 255
    Toby

    I think some women need to look long and hard about why they are getting older and older and not finding someone and having a family (which they want). Often it is for idiotic reasons like this. And I’m not short, I’m 5’11.

    Both men and women need to make compromises if they want to actually have a monogamous relationship. You cannot just have a husband delivered to you by mail to your measurements. In any bilateral agreement, both parties have to “win” and both parties often need to make compromises.

    Because of hypergamy women only really sexually desire the elite of men (say that top 10%), and this really demonstrates that they have POLYGYNY hardwired into their sexuality (they all want to share that apex alpha male to mate with). However humans evolved to ALSO tend towards monogamy at least socially (as otherwise you cannot have civilisation if beta/provider men do not build it and nurture it – women sure as hell can’t build it, especially prior to birth control), so women who actually reproduced had to be FLEXIBLE (or cuckold their husband, but that is another matter) – they had to pick men who were good all rounders, demonstrating some alpha male traits, but also good providers, partners etc. the kind of men who would invest in children.

    Now I laugh out loud, when I see another 30+ girl on Match.com who puts a minimum height of 6 foot 3! and she is 5 foot 2 and claims she wants a monogamous relationship (I just saw this twice today). I have had girls ask me on tinder my height and then delete the match when she hears that I am 5’11 (and she is 5’4).

    I don’t mean to be rude….but if you want a monogamous relationship, how can you all pick the tallest guy out of 100 men (which is what a 6’3 guy is)! And what do you actually bring to the table to make such outrageous demands of men. This is very arrogant, but I guess the feminists will say, women don’t have to do what men want anymore, they are “strong and independent” (but it doesn’t cut the other way). Well they do if they want a relationship and not just casual sex.

    Women are the “sexual selectors”, but men select for things too (in more minor ways, but in the current generation these minor criteria are becoming CRITICAL to which women actually pair off – so ironically men are becoming the selectors once we move into the 30s. Guess what men select for…………….which has never been an issue since civilisation began. Men select for YOUTH (read fertility) and SEXUAL AVAILABILITY (no kids from other men, no/minimal sexual past – this is a hardwired defense against cuckoldry by promiscuous women).

    Guess what, as you get older, now YOU have to compete against younger women, because the way humans evolved is that men can mate with younger women – and I completely disagree with Evan, middle aged men CAN date somewhat younger women, I see it all the time and I don’t care what the statistics say. If you want fair, go to the fun fair….there is no fair….women are not fair in their 20s either. Often these age gap stats are misleading, as they include married individuals who married in more patriarchal decades past, when the women married by 22! so the age gaps were smaller, as there were no older men. My father is 14 years older than my mom, and I have seen “older guys” 38 and 40, marry girls in their 20s in the last year (24 and 25). Heck I am 32, and I’ve dated a 19, 22 and 21 year old in the last year. So whilst you are holding out for a dude 6’3, guess what, a more flexible 25 year old girl just bagged the guy who was perfect for you – AND when you do eventually settle before you are totally infertile, it may likely be with an even shorter due.

    Listen to Evan’s advice and be FLEXIBLE. Even guys need to be flexible (and I have learnt to be so, especially with a girl’s age and sexual history), but the height thing is laughable, and most men are filtered OUT, on dating sites if they are under 6 foot! If as a guy, I said “You know what, NO flat chested women”, women would say that is misogynictic, but women do this exact thing with height and it is ok. There is clearly a double standard.

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