Are Height Requirements Still Keeping You From Finding Love?

a couple who doesn't care about height requirements
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In the annals of “things that definitely don’t matter when you’re 70”, nothing is more irrelevant to marital happiness than height.

Money matters. If one partner is chronically unemployed or in debt, relations can get strained.

Intelligence matters. If your partner can’t understand what you’re talking about or lacks the maturity to try, he’s a waste of time.

Weight matters. If someone is morbidly obese, he’s probably not making it to age 70.

(By the way, ladies, this does NOT mean he has to be taller, smarter or fitter than you. He just can’t be poor, stupid and fat. Got it?)

Nothing is more irrelevant to marital happiness than height.

But one thing that I’ve never really gotten – after 10 years as a dating coach – was women’s obsession with height. And it’s not a myth. It’s real. An article on Jezebel discusses a report from the Atlantic that illustrates that the average height differential between 4600 married American couples was six inches and that the wife was taller in 3.8% of couples. However, “when the author randomized the information as well to see what would come up by chance, he found something surprising: left to chance, the wives were taller in 7.8 percent of couples– twice as many as before. Meaning, people are choosing to maintain this six inches of difference by going out of their way to pair up according to this distinction.”

This is a rigid and arbitrary preference – most noteworthy, to me, in short and tall women.

With short women, EVERYBODY’s taller. So, if you’re 5’1″, what difference does it make if he’s 5’7″ or 6’1″? Yet some short women discriminate against average sized (5’7-5’11”) men.

On the other hand, with tall women, since only 15% of men are over 6 feet tall, it would stand to reason that a 5’11” woman would be well served to open up to shorter men, instead of insisting that he has to be 6’3′, because that’s how tall she is in heels. There simply aren’t enough 6’3″ men to go around, and if you restrict yourself to them, you’re killing your chances of finding love – for pretty much no reason.

It would be like a male millionaire holding out for a female millionaire who makes more than he does. Is it possible? Yes. Likely? No. Necessary? Definitely not.

The author of the Jezebel piece is 5’11” and had a very healthy and refreshing take on height:

I never felt I was making some kind of concession by dating men shorter than me – I just dated people I was attracted to. But since most men are shorter than I am, had I eliminated them on the basis of shortness, I’d have been sitting out all those dances I never actually went to. In order to find a guy six inches taller, I’d have to find a guy who was 6’5.

She ended up marrying a guy a few inches shorter than her. Good for her.

And if this bugs you and you think you should be holding out for a tall guy, that’s your business. Just keep in mind that your current height criteria cuts your potential mates drastically – and that’s before we talk about age, ethnicity, education, income, personality, religion, emotional intelligence, values, kindness, consistency, attraction to you and desire to be married. He’s gotta have all of those things, plus be in the 15% of men who are six feet tall? Good luck with that.

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Comments:

  1. 21
    Robyn

    It’s a great idea in principle – broaden your search criteria & there will be many more candidates that meet your criteria & are potential partners.
    But just because you decide, as a tall woman (which I am at 6ft barefoot) that you are now open to dating shorter guys, doesn’t mean that there are suddenly going to be a slew of shorter guys that want to date you.
    In my personal experience, the majority of men do not find women that are physically bigger than them (height-wise or width-wise) attractive. Some of it’s due to millions of years of biological wiring, and some of it’s due to centuries of societal attitudes and practices (that were partly driven by the same biological wiring), and then there’s just individual personal preferences that are not logically explainable (e.g. some guys love brunettes, others prefer blondes – there’s no reason for their preferences – it just “is what it is”).
    So in some ways. “going shorter” when you are a significantly tall woman may just result in even more rejection. Which kinda defeats the object of the exercise.
    But on the other hand, holding out for the perfect 6’3″ tall guy would make it exponentially more difficult to find a mutual match.
    I have always set my desired height range to 5’10” and up when it comes to online dating, because that’s a total of twice the potential partner population than the number of men that are over 6′ tall.
    Assuming that not too many of the bunch are lying about their height (ha, ha, ha!).
    I don’t “go shorter” than 5’10” online any more for much the same reason as I mentioned above – plus many more men exaggerate their height if they are below average height (which is 5’9″ for men in the US).
    In my experience anyway – “going significantly shorter” was in the end counter-productive. I just ended up on more dates where I got the “gee you’re so tall” comment (& it wasn’t a “oh goodie, I’m loving that you’re tall” complimentary type of comment).
    [Note: My profile contains my real height – I guess these fella’s didn’t read too closely… yet another cliche].
    I’ve heard of some tall women that actually post their height online as been an inch or two taller than it really is, so that they – in theory – are less likely to run into the above situation. But I’ve never tried it myself. Seems like too much of trying to “game the system” which is already full of people fudging their age/height/marital status in order to get ahead.
      

  2. 22
    Rochelle

    I think it’s about finding a medium.. I toned down my preference for taller men awhile ago. In my early college years he HAD to be at least 6′, lol, then I found myself attracted to men   the same height as me and realized it was one of those criteria that wasn’t as important as I thought.    I would ideally like him to be 6’2″ but it’s hasn’t been mandatory for years. Funny thing is once I let go of making it “must be at least 6′” mainly 6′ or so men started to show up. And I’m still not particularly attracted to shorter men, like 5’5″. (I’m 5’7″) For me I don’t see it as a  hindrance  in my current   decision in not dating shorter than me, since all   the men who approach me are either slightly taller or much taller.

  3. 23
    Karmic Equation

    I’m just shy of 5′ and only TWO guys 5’9″ or less have ever asked me out on a date (one was was about 5’5″, the other 5’9″). My ex hubby and ex-LTR of 6 yrs were 5’10” — my other bfs have been over 6′ tall. And currently most of the men I’m attracting are around 6′.

    I get what Vanessa’s saying. If “short” guys don’t ask me out, I can’t date them, can I? And practically ALL shorter-than-average guys ARE taller than me!

    Since I don’t believe in making the first move, that means I’m dating 5’10” + guys because THEY are seeking ME out, not the other way around.

    I believe Vanessa’s saying that MEN’s preferences contribute to the statistics as much as women’s do. Maybe even more so, as I’m pretty sure that MOST women on this site AREN’T making the first move.

    1. 23.1
      guy1138

      It’s a scientific fact that more than 70% of human communication is non-verbal.

      This is larger than a “perhaps”: consider you are projecting and overtly disinviting presence to all men shorter than 5’10”. It is likely that shorter men aren’t approaching you because you are making it more than clear it would be a waste of time – possibly even an invitation for you to insult them – should they do so.

  4. 24
    Goldie

    Cat #18, this is exactly the point I am trying to make — yes, we need to have our standards and not compromise on what we want in a partner, otherwise the relationship will not work. But compared to other things that are critical in a partner, including physical attraction, height is not that strict of a standard. Worse, it is an artificial standard. On paper we have no problem saying that we only want 6’0″ and won’t ever settle for 5’11”, yet in real life we won’t be able to even tell the difference between the two. Worse yet, it is an artificial standard that distracts us from things that we are really attracted to. One thing I found with strict, external guidelines like that is that they create a blind spot. They make you overlook things you should not be overlooking. If a woman only wants a guy 6′ tall or higher, and only finds three of them available that are also interested in her, she’ll be tempted to ignore those three guys’ negative traits, because these tall men are so rare and were so hard for her to find. Now this is what will cause her problems down the line in the relationship. Don’t know how long you’ve been married, but from my experience, after you’ve been with the man for over 20 years, his height is the least of your concerns. Other things become more important and they are the things that will make or break a marriage or relationship. When we severely limit our pool based on something like height, this makes us ignore those other things. This is all I am saying.

  5. 25
    Lauren

    Aren’t we ignoring a real factor here – the psychological impact that being short and having a small stature while growing up has on a man?   It’s common enough that it has a name – a Napoleon Complex. I have had male friends and acquaintances who have been under 5’8″, and I’ve found that these men can be defensive and feel like they have something to prove, and might be excessively into lifting weights or into their looks.
    While they might be great guys on the inside, if he feels like he has to compensate for something, that is a turn off (as it would be for anyone, male or female, that doesn’t feel comfortable in their own skin).
    I’m 5’4″, I’ve dated men ranging from 5’6″ to 6’7″. The last time I did online dating, I didn’t restrict my matches on height since I figured it would increase my odds. I do have to admit, my boyfriend is 6′, and his height/build is part of what makes him attractive, but even if he was my height, I’d still be attracted to him!

    1. 25.1
      TheForgottenOne

      @Lauren — I’m 5’7″ and can tell that I most definitely do not have a ‘Napoleon Complex’.   I’m not defensive about my height and I don’t really care if a woman is not attracted to me because of it.   I’m very active, fit and successful in my career.   I have plenty to offer for any woman.   If a woman is not attracted to me because of my height that’s their problem, not mine.   Next!

      1. 25.1.1
        billy

        Yeah that comment didnt sound defensive at all.

    2. 25.2
      bruno

      So you bash a man for working out and think he should accept an otherwise normal physic? Every man needs a goal. What personal goals do you have that require sacrifice and effort? If he likes to workout don’t put that positive goal into the same psychological excuse factory that women produce overweight lifestyles they guard so ardently.  

    3. 25.3
      Scooter

      And welcome to a cornerstone of heightism, folks, as demonstrated by Lauren.

      So wait Lauren, you acknowledge that some short men are negatively affected by bullying and other forms of social marginalization, and then chastise those men for reacting like normal human beings (i.e. becoming depressed, reactive, having low self-esteem etc)?   Wow.   Then again, how in the hell do you know that a given short guy is “angry at being short”?  And if your male acquaintances were 6’+,  I  doubt you would make ANY association between a physical feature, and their negative personalities.

      But of course, since tall assholes don’t exist.. oh  WAIT, they DO, and do so in droves.    Must be because they are tall   /sarcasm

      You  use the completely illogical and denigrating “Napoleon Complex” to back your claim.   What do you call tall assholes with the same negative traits?   Do they have “Goliath Complex”?   Why is it only short men seem to have this extra stigma attached for (essentially) reacting like beings with emotion?

      Try this: Next time a black person behaves in an aggressive or uncivil manner, kindly go up to him/her and tell said person that he/she has n—– complex.

      OHHH WAIT.. that would be terribly offensive, due to you stereotyping another individual, based on what should be a neutral trait.

    4. 25.4
      V

      You have to admire the level of cognitive dissonance here in the comments – all from women claiming “height really doesn’t matter”, immediately (and invariably) followed by, “although my boyfriend IS 6’0 or taller…”

  6. 26
    Duri

    This is something I’ve discussed with my live-in boyfriend. Early on, he asked me if I would have dated him if he were exactly the same, except 5’8″ or 5’10” (I’m just over 5’8″ and he’s 6’2″). My response surprised me: “I would have, except I never would have found you.” I can honestly say I would be very happy to be with a 5’10” version of him (who really cares; we’re compatible), BUT I realized that we literally wouldn’t have met if he were that height because it was the most constant criteria I used in running searches online (OKCupid) and that’s how I first contacted him. He wasn’t in my matches until I searched, either. It’s hard to knock a system that worked extremely well for me (I was online dating less than a week, because I met him, and we’re coming up on 2 years of bliss), and at a certain point you have to use some criteria to narrow down the masses online, but I now recognize that that particular criteria could have really screwed me out of the best thing I’ve ever found.  

    1. 26.1
      bruno

      So what was your criteria?

    2. 26.2
      Kylie

      I am one of those 5 foot nothing women that loves tall men, and I mean over 6’3. I am 25, fairly attractive and in good shape. I have other requirements too like minimum age of 35 and must love fishing/outdoors. I have to say I didnt find it difficult to find men that met these criteria. Im with the love of my life, he treats me so well and he is 6’5 with an amazing fit body. My ex was 6’7 and also very attractive. There were other suitors in the 6’2-6’9 range but they just werent the “one”. I cant help what Im attracted too, it doesnt make me a horrible person to say I love tall men.

      1. 26.2.1
        Dave

        Kylie -Brad Pitt is 5’11. I guess BRAD PITT would not live up to your standards. Nor would young versions of  Paul Newman, Robert Redford, Warren Beatty or Marlon Brando! Do you see how ridiculous that sounds to a reasonable person? Your “other suitors” who met your “requirements” didn’t work out, did they? I guess your “requirements” weren’t all that on-the-money in those cases. And your 6″7  “ex” who was so “very attractive” – where’s he now?   Oh, but the current guy is “the love of  your life” – suuure he is.

        If a   guy 5’8-5’10 that can really handle himself  beats the hell out your tall  boyfriend in front of you  (and trust me, there are LOTS of them out there who CAN),   you’ll have a whole new perspective on your height “requirements”.

        Height might fool a superficial woman, but I guarantee your tall boyfriend dreads getting his ass kicked by a regular-sized guy. So, what he’ll do is pretend to be the strong, silent type – the silent part simply being a ruse to cover-up his fear to a woman when he’s around a normal height guy that his instincts know he can’t mess with. Other times he may be a big mouth, I don’t know. I don’t know  this particular individual, but a lot of tall guys are just that – big mouths who can’t back it up when their bluff gets called.

        Mike Tyson is 5’11. Maybe your current boyfriend   is more of a man than a young Mike  Tyson- yeah, right. Do you see how ludicrous your so-called “requirements” are?

        You’re 25. Most people at 25 still have a hell of a lot to learn.  The vast majority of men have only one “requirement” for relationships that don’t last (like all your others didn’t). I think we all know what that is. And no, your “requirements”  don’t make you a horrible person. The ridiculous height “requirement” just makes you somebody that most REASONABLE people would, in my opinion, find very fake, phony, shallow and superficial.

        By the way, 6″5 and above is WAY outside the NORMAL curve. Its a borderline circus freak, especially when its matched with a “five foot nothing” female. Other folks, in my opinion, look at that and think the height difference is ludicrous. They just won’t say that to your face.

        Sorry BRAD PITT –  but  you just don’t meet Kylie’s “requirements”.

         

        1. Just me

          Why do have to bring up the whole kicking their ass thing in ever comment? I get you’re trying to make a point but this isn’t an MMA, boxing or any other fighting style forum. You seem to have an aggression issue. Either that or an insecurity about your height to keeping throwing out that you and a lot of other short guys can wipe the floor with a lot of tall guys. I’m sure you can kick some ass but your luck will eventually run out one day and some tall dude is gonna toss you around like a bag of apples.

      2. 26.2.2
        SD2606

        As a decent-looking, fit, but shorter man, I can tell you that you represent MOST women, at least in my part of the world. I’ve had to lead life disappointed time and time again as women my height (or shorter) disregard me because of height. It’s really frustrating being attracted to a woman and have hope that maybe, just maybe because for once she is the same height as me, or shorter, that I might have a chance at forming a relationship with her. But NO. Even the shortest of women just can’t be seen with someone her height… oh, heaven forbid! The heck with the lot of you.

  7. 27
    cat

    @Goldie 24 – I agree, it’s not that “strict” of a standard, but it is what it is. I guess there are women that can/do compromise it & there are those that don’t. I was the latter & it all worked out.

  8. 28
    Laine

    I like tall men. I am just not attracted to men who are shorter than me. Never have been, never will. Im 5’8 and my boyfriend is 6 ft.

  9. 29
    starthrower68

    Height is to men what weight is to women.   Except with overweight women are perceived as lazy and stupid.   Because my weight makes me unattractive no one would guess I work two jobs and have an MPA.   I’m not mad about it, it is what it is.   I have not been successful at weight loss so I will just accept that I am undatable.   The pressure is off 😀

    1. 29.1
      bruno

      You couldn’t be more wrong. There is no way for a man to get any taller. And being short is not a reflection of poor diet, poor exercise or a reflection of potential psychological issues.

      1. 29.1.1
        Amy

        bruno if you’re so angry about women rejecting you for being short and being “shallow” you could try to be a little less judgemental of overweight women. don’t throw stones.

        I don’t think your problem is your height.

        1. Scooter

          Amy, you must be joking. He just made a statement that is valid, without casting any stones.

          1) Being short in itself is not a prognosticator of health any more than is being Asian, African, or having large breasts.

          2) Where has Bruno mentioned being rejected due to height?   And if he did, do you doubt him?   Are you seriously going to say, contrary to the mountain of overwhelming evidence, that he would be wrong?

          Your final line is, “I don’t think your problem is your height”.. umm.. you don’t know that.

    2. 29.2
      Sarah

      Good for you!   And sorry for the derogatory comment made by Bruno  below implying that not being physically perfect (other than height, which we have not control over) must mean we all have poor diet and psychological problems.

       

  10. 30
    Kristen

    I agree with Robyn 21. As I mentioned ealier, I am 6″0″ and, while the majority of men I have dated have been shorter than me, only a couple have  been  under  5’10”.  I would guess that this is because men  don’t want to date women who are much more than a couple inches taller.   I don’t list a height preference on my profile. Nevertheless, most of the men (at least 90%)  who contact me online are not  under 5’10.” So while I am open to dating any height, men  of average height or less  don’t seem too interested in dating me.

    1. 30.1
      bruno

      This is a rare situation as a very minute percentage of women are 6 ft tall.

    2. 30.2
      Kevin

      I think there are many men who would date a 6′ woman. However, many short men (let’s say under 5’9″) know the vast majority of women prefer tall guys and will just assume you will want the same and only be looking for a guy who’s 6’+. Try approaching more guys. You only live once. 🙂

    3. 30.3
      Du

      I agree with Kevin. If the man thinks his success rate is low with a tall (or taller) woman, he would just put his efforts on someone else. And every guy probably knows his success rate in online dating is even worst. I am guilty of this myself, where I have found some women attractive but the moment I saw her height I think I am just wasting my time. I don’t even bother looking if she put a height preference.  

  11. 31
    Jen

    There is nothing wrong with having a preference for a certain range of heights.   How is that any more shallow than all the other things that people judge other people’s attractiveness on?   Yes some take it to an extreme and they should be more open minded.   But we all look for what we are attracted to.   
    To the extent you can show any quantifiable characteristic is not important for happiness a relationship, you are making the argument against online dating.   How are we supposed to know if the short guy, or the older or younger one, or the less attractive one (maybe he’s only less attractive in two dimensions), or the one with different politics, or whatever…is the one that we will have chemistry with in real life, despite our superficial preferences?   Just meet them in real life and you don’t have to have search criteria.   You don’t have to spend more than a few moments finding out if there is some potential.

    1. 31.1
      Bruno

      If I read that a women wants a man that is at least my height 5 ft. 8 in., I would not be that interested,   since I would be the shortest she would consider. And I don’t want to be with someone who sees me as barely acceptable.    I will let some other 5 ft. 8 in. guy be subjected to her important scale that places him in a broader line relationship.  

  12. 32
    Cat5

    I am just going to repeat what I said in the other height-related blog post Evan made:
      
    “We had a discussion about this issue last week at work.
      
    As a 6′ tall woman, I get a lot of comments about how I should be dating shorter men to expand my dating pool. People often say that height doesn’t matter because [insert crude reference here]. People say these things to me despite the fact my ex-husband was shorter than me by an inch or two, and that I have dated many men shorter than me (and many men taller than me). The shortest gentleman I ever dated was 5”² 3”³. He was a great guy but the height difference was just too awkward. I don’t mind an inch or two, but 9”³ is just too much.

    So when a 6’2”³ gentleman said this to me last week, I asked him – So you would be okay dating a 6”³ 11”³ tall woman? a 6”² 5”³ woman? a 6”² 2”³ woman? Suddenly everything was different. Not only would he not date a 6”² 11”³ woman, he didn’t think he would even date a 6”² 2”³ woman. And most of the guys at the table agreed with him. A few even admitted they wouldn’t date me because I was 6”² and usually wore heels, making me at about 6”² 3”³ most of the time.

    So it’s not just women who have an issue with height. Men have their own also. “

  13. 33
    Zina

    I’m a long-time reader of this blog, first-time poster.
    i totally agree with Lauren @25. Many short men I’ve met DO have some degree of the Napoleon Complex – and they always try to compensate for it. In many times, it was actually a good thing as they tried harder to work on relationship issues, please in bed, be a good partner in general. May be because they felt they HAVE to work harder than the taller men – who, as correctly pointed out, have more dating options and are, in general, considered to be “more attractive”. In other cases, the chip on their shoulder was too big and they looked clearly uncomfortable in the presense of taller men. I’ve also heard from men that they LIKE shorter women (that is, shorter than them) because it makes them feel more masculine and “protective” (not my words, just repeating).  

    1. 33.1
      Scooter

      Truly, it is responses like these on message boards, and voiced opinions (by women and men) of the same sort that make me believe people can be indoctrinated into any idiocy.  
      Questions&Statements:
      1)       Why is it that Napoleon Complex, which is a fallacious stereotype attributed to short men, is not also attributed to “taller” men?
      2)       For the Napoleon Complex to make any sense, one would have to think that short men are just born with bad attitudes, or have a predisposition to be born as such. (Obviously, not true)   One would also have to poignantly ignore the effects of social marginalization that is inflicted upon most short men, for the majority of their lives.
      3)       Why is it that taller men who are jerks and/or insecure do not have a special, nasty label?
      4)       It appears you (and many women) believe that most anything a short guy does to improve himself, is SPECIFICALLY to compensate, which in turn is taken as a negative, whether it’s true or not.  
      5)       Even IF it is true, why stigmatize short men for it, as American society seems to do? In the same vein,   why is it okay for a taller man to stay in-shape, have a good career, further his intellectual endeavors, and generally try to be an outstanding individual, without being stigmatized?   A tall guy doesn’t get labeled with a “dictator complex”, does he?
      6)       How is the trait of being short different from any other neutral trait?   If a woman doesn’t want to date a short guy, or a guy of certain ethnicity due to lack of physical attraction, that is one thing.   However, to actively discourage other women via social belittlement, is just vile.  
      It’s a “damned if you do or don’t” situation for a short man. They cannot be too aggressive, or else they get to play “blame the victim for defending himself”; they are not allowed to succeed without being stigmatized; they cannot date anyone of decent value, without (at least) occasional derision from the public, if not friends and acquaintances.   And we’re only talking about dating, thus far, not the societal discriminations that lead to bullying, lower pay, and ultimately marginalization of such men.

  14. 34
    Chris

    I don’t find short women sexy…anything less than 5ft 5 just doesn’t appeal to me….It’s not just women who look at height,   men like tall women too. A friend of mine who was dating a girl told me that one thing he didn’t like about his girlfriend was that she was short (5ft 4) and he was 6 ft 1.   Sorry but men like height too.  

  15. 35
    Karl R

    Average Height, U.S. Men: 5’9″
    Average Height, U.S. Women: 5’4″
      
    Regarding the “Napoleon  Complex”:
    If I was six inches shorter, people would probably claim that I have a Napoleon complex. I’m extroverted. I’m a show-off. If anyone ever accuses me of being modest, I’ll be acquitted due to a lack of evidence.
      
    Short men are just as capable of being show-offs, immodest,  belligerent, ostentatious or downright jackasses as taller men. But if a short man has those traits, it’s evidence that he has a “Napoleon complex”. A man’s not a jackass because he’s short. He’s a jackass because he’s a jackass. Leave the rest of the short men out of it.
      
    Cat5 said: (#32)
    “the height difference was just too awkward. I don’t mind an inch or two, but 9”³ is just too much.”
      
    I’m married to a woman who is at least 10″ shorter than me. I’ve dated a woman who was at least 12″ shorter than me. Why is the height difference more awkward for you than it is for me? The awkwardness is psychological, not physiological.
      
    I haven’t met any women who were 9″ (or 12″) taller than me, so I can’t really compare in that direction. Any woman that tall is going to find doorways and ceiling fans awkward to deal with. My height should probably be the least of her concerns.
      
    Cat5 said: (#32)
    “So it’s not just women who have an issue with height. Men have their own also.”
      
    Let me draw an analogy to age. I realized I could expand my dating pool by including women who were older than me. Most of the women who were 8+ years older than me had an issue with dating a man that much younger than them. That meant I was only adding the minority  of women who didn’t have an issue with it.
      
    But if I refused to date women that much older than me (and justified it by pointing out that most of those women didn’t want to date men that much younger), I wouldn’t be married to my wife.
      
    Joe said: (#11)
    “Evan is here not to point out the ways men can change their dating perspectives to find love—he’s here to point out how women can change their dating perspectives to find love.”
      
    That’s not true. Evan points out how you can change your dating perspectives to find love. Everything Evan says about changing perspectives applies  to men and women.
      
    The majority of Evan’s readers and clients and readers are women, so he more frequently addresses their issues. But if he’s addressing a man’s issues, he’s not telling the man how women need to change their perspective.

  16. 36
    Sparkling Emerald

    Since I am only 5’3″ , the height thing really is moot.   I don’t care about height, and I used to rag on my gf’s who did, but if it comes down to what you are attracted to, you can’t force yourself to feel something you don’t.   If a woman is rejecting men based on height because she’s worried about “appearances”, then I’d say her height requirement is silly, but honestly, if you aren’t attracted to someone, why waste anyone’s time ?
    I know my dating pool is shrunk because I am an a-cup.   I think boob size is totally irrelevant in long term relationships, at 80 years of age, big boobs will likely be sagging around her waist anyway.   But I accept that most men on the planet won’t be attracted to me for one reason or another, my little itty-bitty cup size included.   “T” men will reject me, “A” men will adore me, because my “A” is pretty darn cute.   Some men are attracted to blondes, so I’m out of their dating pool, but men who are into redheads think I’m pretty cute.  
    I can’t really put my finger on what type of man I am attracted to.   I know height doesn’t figure in at all.   I know I am mostly focused on the face,( and strong nice toned arms 🙂 ) and although I couldn’t tell you why, it’s either a face I could love or not. I know it when I see it.   Some men who are basically attractive, I am not attracted to, and I have been attracted to men with “interesting” but not necessarily attractive faces.   I am open to men with a few extra pounds, I don’t mind bald, I couldn’t care less about height.   I am rarely attracted to men outside of my race (but it has happened a few times), so on my profile I put “no preference” under race.   A good clear, close up of the face, will tell me if the attraction is a “yes”, “maybe” or “no”.   I have a big age range in my profile and have left out things like income and height.   The main thing I am looking for in a relationship is compatibility, someone who treats me like a queen (and I will treat him like a King), some shared interests, shared values, and chemistry.   The chemistry doesn’t have to be white hot, but there has to be SOME.   Some women just KNOW they couldn’t be attracted to a shorter guy, just like some guys KNOW their woman has to have big boobs.   I think for ladies who are just worried about what other people will think, take that height requirement out of the equation, and see if anyone surprises you.   I know I have sometimes been surprised by who I am attracted to and who I have not been attracted to.   However, no matter how wildly attractive I find someone, if he doesn’t treat me right, I am GONE !

  17. 37
    Cat5

    Karl R @ #35 said: “Why is the height difference more awkward for you than it is for me?”
      
    I don’t know Karl R. I’ve never dated a woman 12″ shorter than me.   If I do, I’ll be happy to let you know if it was awkward.   🙂
      
    But, seriously — are you being deliberately obtuse?   I don’t have the first damn clue why it is awkward for me and not for you.   Why would it matter if it wasn’t awkward for you?   Am I supposed to slap myself on the forehead and say. “Doh!   Since it wasn’t awkward for Karl R. I must be wrong,” and start dating men so much shorter than me that I feel awkward and uncomfortable because it doesn’t bother you Karl R.?   That should make for a great relationship for me.   Your question is nonsensical.

    1. 37.1
      Scooter

      No, actually his question is meant for you to enact some introspection.

      The reason it’s “awkward” for you, is probably due to heavy heavy social pressure; it’s so taboo to date a shorter man, in this society.

      And you know what? If a given woman is not physically attracted to a given shorter man primarily due to height, then so be it. But you know what really sucks?

      When a woman really like a shorter guy, but is afraid to date him due to the intense social backlash that may result.   And this is where I have a huge issue.. why in the hell should anyone catch crap from friends, family, or strangers, just because her partner is a few inches shorter?

      It’s absurd, and in my opinion, indicative of some very serious ills with regards to gender norms and hypocrisies, in this age.,

  18. 38
    Morris

    I think it is perfectly fine to have a height requirement.   As long as we understand that all of our requirements shrink the pool of  eligible  people.(Some more than others.)   So if it’s working for you I don’t think you need to think about it much.   But if it isn’t I think we all need to look at the list of requirements we have and really think hard about what is important in the long run.

  19. 39
    jules

    My preference is that a man be taller than me, and at 5’4″ that is not much of a hurdle.   The issue for me is always that men below a certain height are almost universally lying about it online, which I find a far bigger turn-off than their actual height.

    1. 39.1
      TheForgottenOne

      I’m 5’7″ and I didn’t lie on my online dating profile.   Of course I didn’t get a lot of interest from anybody.   But then again for men online dating is a crap shoot anyway.

    2. 39.2
      Bruno

      You are correct about guys lying. I like being my height and value factual truth. 5 ft. 8 in. EXACTLY. But funny how other guys my height are shorter than me.

    3. 39.3
      TooSmart

      My approach is the same. I don’t want a man who is smaller than me and I am 5’5” so I am not asking for too much. But lying about height is pathetic. And it’s insulting my intelligence. I know how 5’8” looks. If on a date I notice that you are hardly as tall as I am then you are not 5’8”.

  20. 40
    Girl in the Midwest

    I’m 5’4, and I don’t have strict requirements for guys’ height.   I think for lots of women, height falls under “being attracted to him”.   And so the advice that we give for how much importance to place on chemistry is also the advice for how much importance to place on height.
      
      
    I just want to add thing that I don’t think has been mentioned.   My friend is married to a man who is her height, 5’4.   She loves him dearly and they have a great relationship.   She recently had a baby girl, and confessed to me that she was relieved that when she found out it was a girl because “she would be worried for her child if it were a boy, since he’d have a disadvantage in dating and the workplace because she and her husband were short” (her words).   I think it’s similar to how I hope how I won’t have a gay child, not at all because I’d love him/her less, but because he will have a harder time in life than if he were straight, everything else held equal.   He might even be happier if he were gay (adversity builds character…?) but he’s life would probably be harder.
      
      
    So for women who are very short, and wanting to have children with the guy, they might be more picky about height…?   Maybe something evolutionary about this, like how men are just attracted to a certain waist hip ratio. Just a thought.

    1. 40.1
      Eric

      Your friend clearly doesn’t know the science behind height. While some of it is genetic, the vast majority is nutrition. I don’t know any short guys that can’t trace their height to poor maternal nutrition, poor childhood nutrition, and/or drug abuse in adolescence. I’m 5’5″, my two brothers are over 6′. My parents are 5’2″ and 5’7″. Most of the men in my family are at least 5’10”-6′. I’m shorter because my mother was severely malnourished while carrying me and my early childhood was also a period of poor nutrition. My first brother was born 3 years later after my father had a decent job and was able to afford better food. I also had mediocre nutrition in my teen years due to school and work, but that’s another story entirely.

      Tell them that if they want their children to be tall she needs to stay healthy and eat a lot of healthy food when pregnant, then feed their children well.

      As mentioned, it’s a sign of poverty. It doesn’t mean a person will do poorly in life, but their prospects are grim socially and the lack of confidence that constant rejection causes will further reduce their chances of escaping it. I’m an exception, but women don’t see anything but “short”, and that leaves some of us with prospects that don’t match what we’ve worked to become. I’d rather be alone than with most women I have a shot at. Not because they’re tall or unattractive, but because they are unstable, annoying, irresponsible, or otherwise poor relationship material and have been rejected (or   used, abused, and discarded – unable to do anything but take out their hate of men) by taller guys (that they then compare you to unfavorably for being short).

      I feel for tall women, but they don’t have it anywhere near as bad as we do.  

      1. 40.1.1
        Richard

        As a 5’2″ male, finding women who are shorter than me is tough. I get the feeling many of them care about the height a lot, but I’m no mind reader. I rarely mention my height, but I find it true in general that people don’t understand the science behind height. Like you, all the men in my family are around or over 6 feet tall. I had asthma as a child and was given an adult dosage of steroids. When I went to a new doctor, he was shocked that my previous doctor did that. I was taken off the steroids, but it became clear that my growth was not progressing how they expected. I was originally projected to be 5’10”, but that number kept shrinking every year. I was also a fussy eater. My parents didn’t know any better. They wanted my asthma to go away and they assumed the doctor knew what he was doing.

        I try not to let it bother me, but I would love to be 6 feet tall, even for a day, just to see how many more dates I would get.

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