Attractive Men Don’t Make The Best Husbands

In the wake of the Anthony Wiener scandal, it’s hard not to speculate about how his beautiful, pregnant, new wife got herself involved with a guy like that.

46-year-old Weiner is a fit, intelligent, (formerly-promising) politician with a six-figure income and a reputation for being a ladies’ man.

According to Vicki Larson of Huffington Post, that’s where Weiner’s wife and other smart, beautiful, accomplished women often make their mistake. In “Hot or Not? Why Women Shouldn’t Pick Attractive Husbands”, Larson writes “The more financially independent women become, the more they prefer good-looking men. But they don’t just want their partners to be hotties; they want them to be masculine, physically fit, loving, educated, a few years older and making the big bucks. Oh, and they also have to really want to be a hubby and daddy.”

That’s a tall order.

She writes that men with more testosterone are consistently rated more handsome than other men.

And that men with more testosterone are 38 percent more likely to cheat.

She claims that the happiest couples are those in which the woman is more attractive than the man, rather than the reverse.

Read the full article here. Do you agree? What happened when you chose a guy based on his looks? Share your comments below, please.

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  1. 1

    I heard this article in the Huffington Post yesterday, being discussed on the radio.  It’s just more confirmation of the Alpha Male thing we discuss so much on here.

  2. 2

    My simplistic view? Everyone’s different- no matter how much the media may try to pigeonhole. I’ve had dates with ugly guys who were assholes and attractive men who werent, and vice versa. It’s funny, no one would ever dream of looking at someone and saying, oh- he’s ugly, so he must be a jerk. But somehow, it’s okay to do the reverse.

    1. 2.1

      What women do it to ugly men all the time an ugly guy is a creep even if the woman hasnt talked to the so called ugly guy or he hasnt tried to pick her up or anything ive seen it before.

    2. 2.2

      Omg!!! SO true.

  3. 3

    I don’t see how Anthony Weiner got mixed up in this conversation.   Some women started to find him attractive after he became publicly defiant about stepping down .   However, I think if he was a regular guy without any political power and making an average salary  he wouldn’t be a choice for a woman who was looking for a good looking man.

    1. 3.1

      He’s a straight up ugmo.  Let me just be frank about that. The smell of that money and power is what makes him hot to women, maybe he’s charming too I guess.  For yours truly charm and/or a fun personality isn’t enough if I just think you’re ugly out of the box.  My first boyfriend was not cute to me, but he was a very, very sweet and kind gentlemanly 13 year old boy.  I wanted to have a boyfriend badly so I tried to go with it, but I was literally repulsed by his looks.  That is so horrible, but there it is.  Ironically (for me) he grew up to be one handsome dude. 

  4. 4
    Lisa M.

    ” It’s funny, no one would ever dream of looking at someone and saying, oh- he’s ugly, so he must be a jerk. But somehow, it’s okay to do the reverse.”

    So true.  It’s okay to trash good-looking men, while less attractive men are presented as ideal partners, which is complete B.S.  Where is the article that talks about how men should date/marry ugly women because they make better partners?  I am so sick and tired of this old double standard.  I don’t think it’s healthy for either men OR women to be fixated on looks. But it seems that it’s only a problem when women are.  Men are free to be as superficial and shallow as they want when choosing a partner.

    1. 4.1

      Its called evolution. Women are hard wired ti only choose the male with the best genes to pass on to future generations. The genes that present themselves physically on the out side. Men on the other hand are hardwired to spread their seed to as many women as possible. So in order to be happy chose an ugly man that other women will not want. Fight against your nature and instincts.

      1. 4.1.1
        Emily, the original


        So in order to be happy chose an ugly man that other women will not want. 

        And then what? Have affairs with the pool boy?

        1. Kanga

          I married young because I was sick of men just wanting me for sex. Every good looking man( I should say boy because I was a teen, lol) was just horrible, shallow and vain.  So, I chose and ugly man – I found things attractive in him to start with and concentrated on those.  The very day after the wedding he changed and kept changing for the worst.  He also let himself go physically, so the attraction also dropped precipitously.  There is no guarantee with an ugly man.  Then you just have an ugly arsehole – instead of a handsome one.  In some ways they are worse because they also have a huge damn chip on their shoulder from being ugly. A lot of my marriage was celibate at HIS behest.

        2. Emily, the original


           There is no guarantee with an ugly man.

          There’s no guarantee with anyone, unfortunately. And if you’ve over-compromised in terms of what you want and/or are attracted to in a partner, you feel not only hurt if it doesn’t work out but also cheated.

  5. 5

    its also possible that an ugly guy might have self esteem issues that might lad to a palpable resentment of women and the propensity to cheat at the first possible opportunity in order to assuage his feelings of undesirability

  6. 6

    Love is blind for a reason.

  7. 7

    My first question is, “How does a woman determine the difference between high and normal testosterone, possibly sparing her of all these scary stats?” Of all the men I have ever met, I have never once thought about their testosterone levels. [LOL] I suppose it’s embedded in my subconscious somewhere, capable of causing an attraction for reasons I’m not aware of. “That’s” a scary thought.
    To be honest, I have found very few men physically attractive, even the celebrities. It may be because I think of masculinity in a somewhat different way whether society agrees or not, like the man who lovingly gets up at 3:00 am to change the baby’s diaper while his wife sleeps or isn’t afraid to buy a box of Tampons. A man with a well-defined, muscular body, a six-figure income, a driving, passionate career who’s popular with the ladies is actually a turn off for me because it places substance where no true value can be found. It has nothing to do with my own physical appearance, drive or income. I make more conscious, calculated decisions, rather than being swept away in a wave of false bravado and testosterone.
    With regard to Rep. Weiner, real men don’t show off their package, etc. This has nothing to do with masculinity or attractiveness, and everything to do with his ego. And of course some women are going to come running and saying how “hot” he is. That doesn’t make it so. A lot of women do the same re: Hugh Hefner. It’s the game that so many people love to play, especially in the internet world. What’s wrong with a little online flirting anyway, they ask themselves. Everyone has their own agenda. Rep. Weiner has displayed that he’s not that intelligent after all.
    My former husband and I were often thought of as a “Beauty and the Beast” couple, but that didn’t make him any less masculine or a better husband. He was raised to be a staunch provider, thoughtful, respectful, kind and loving, with a good, creative and witty mind, without regard to his appearance, and I was just smart enough to be able to see far beyond what nature gave him to the real man underneath.
    As Sayanta #2 points out, just because the man’s good looking with financial stability that doesn’t automatically make him a cad or a lesser husband. Such nonsense and frivolity!

    1. 7.1

      Diana, this is an amazing response. Thank you for sharing. Something you said about societal standards and false bravado really caught my attention because we live in such a status/materialistic society that many people both men and women have a difficult time looking past all of that. Its becoming more and more second nature to us and widely accepted as simply a “preference”. This is a disheartening thought, but its good to know that a person like yourself is still well and alive. Cheers 🙂

  8. 8
    Lisa M.

    Yes, I do find less attractive men (obese, short etc.) to have serious self-esteem issues and tend to be very insecure in their relationships with women, especially, if the woman is very attractive. And that has been my own personal experience whenever I have given less desirable men a chance. 

    Then again, it’s the individual’s mindset and not what they look like that  drives how they will function in a relationship, in my opinion.

    1. 8.1

      I agree! Unattractive men and men who feel unattractive even if they are, are horrible partners.  I tried to give men who are average or less a chance, only to have them be emotionally abusive etc.  Trying to cut me down to make me feel bad like they did.  That way they thought I would stay. I ran because I have a healthy self worth and know who I am.  The issue is I cannot seem to find a man who is also full of self love and therefore looks to give rather then receive in a relationship.  It 

      1. 8.1.1

        I don’t believe this article to be true. I know of a husband who is not what most woman would call attractive. He has no higher education and thinks it is a waste of money. He is very self loathing at times calling himself ugly then at times boasting his attraction. He is an emotionally, verbally and mentally abusive man and a cheater.

  9. 9

    I agree with Sayanta.

    I was recently with a man who many of my friends found to be not that attractive. I even didn’t find him attractive at all when we first started talking but he won me over with his sense of humor, then he revealed himself to be an ass after we started sleeping together.

    This theory of attractive men not being your best bet as a partner is not the most valid theory. One thing that these men who have been involved in scandals (Terminator (can’t spell his name), Weiner, IMF head, Clinton, Kilpatrick, McGreevy etc) is that they were in positions of power and felt they could do anything they want.

    So if anything, be wary of a man in a power position. The Time magazine issue with the pig on the cover features an insightful piece on men with power.

  10. 10

    Several times I have experienced my attraction to a man grow exponentially after I get to know him, and he *becomes* a really good looking guy to me.  Whereas at first I might not have noticed him.

  11. 11

    Bravo to Diana – I could not have put it any better.

  12. 12

    @ lisa — whoa, when did short become “less attractive” (and on par with “obese”?)

  13. 13

    I dont think it is good looks. I personally think Weiner is very physically unattractive. I work in an office where the male to female ratio is 30/1. Most of the men are not attractive and they cheat and have problematic personalities as much as the good looking ones do. My girlfriends who aren’t treated very well by their boyfriends or husbands, are not with these guys for their appearances. A loser is a loser no matter what he looks like.  When I finally decided to try dating outside of the normal conventionally attractive guy (a short older guy with a receding hairline), he proved to be the only one I have ever dated with a temper, shied away from commitment and flaked on dates. Nope. Ugly guy does not mean good guy

  14. 14
    Lisa M.

    David, if you’re a short guy I didn’t mean to offend. But the fact of the matter is, short men have a very low market value among women. I hear many short men complaining about being constantly overlooked by women.

  15. 15

    Stupid article. One person’s ugly is another person’s hot.

  16. 16

    But… while Wiener could certainly be seen as attractive by many women, he’s an acquired taste. His combination of intelligence, gregariousness, and physical fitness (compared to men in his age range) make him more attractive than he would be on facial features alone. RE: sheer shallowness, his wife IS more attractive than he is. She was featured in Vogue, FGS. Part of the likely impetus for the sheer scope of his escapades is that he still feels like that gangly, awkward bookish adolescent with the schoolyard taunt-ready surname in the first place.   There are countless examples of men with incredibly attractive wives relative to themselves who cheat. Donald Trump, anyone?
    “According to Vicki Larson of Huffington Post, that’s where Abedin and other smart, beautiful, accomplished women often make their mistake. In “Hot or Not? Why Women Shouldn’t Pick Attractive Husbands”, Larson writes “The more financially independent women become, the more they prefer good-looking men. But they don’t just want their partners to be hotties; they want them to be masculine, physically fit, loving, educated, a few years older and making the big bucks. Oh, and they also have to really want to be a hubby and daddy”
    So… they want equals, and that’s just too much to ask? Also, picking older men IS a way of making certain a woman is more attractive than her partner. As a younger woman, she can cherry pick the most attractive older men, but they still won’t hold a candle to the most attractive men her own age, unless she’s specifically attracted to the signs of aging.

  17. 17

    I’ve dated a couple not-so-attractive men and they turned out to be douches.

  18. 18

    Well the good news is that I was raised to value other things in a man… but I have a weakness for charisma– ahh shucks! that’s why Im reading evan’s materials to look for the right man 😉
    ok, a little playful sarcasm aside, I think this is common sense and it’s always better if the man feels “lucky” because he has a much more attractive woman by his side. Their eyes may always wander but their ehem other parts will not.

  19. 19

    My experience has been similar to Lynne’s #10. How attractive I perceive a man goes up or down depending on what’s he’s like as I get to know him.

  20. 20
    Karl R

    Jadafisk asked: (#16)
    “So… they [smart, beautiful, accomplished women] want equals, and that’s just too much to ask?”

    Maybe that’s what they’re getting. None of those qualities imply integrity, kindness or any of the other qualities that matter most.

    Regardless of whether you’re a man or woman, you’re unlikely to get everything that you want in a partner. But you can probably guarantee that you get whatever quality you value the most.

    I value intelligence a lot, but I never insisted that my girlfriends be my equals in that regard. I value attractiveness, but I can think of several long-term relationships where I was better looking than my girlfriend. I’ve dated women who were significantly more successful than me, and significantly less successful (I never cared about those kind of accomplishments).

    What did I refuse to compromise on? Easy to get along with. By the time I got into my 30s I realized that it was possible to have a partner who was easy to get along with. (Watching my parents as I grew up, that hadn’t been an automatic assumption, but fortunately I realized it before getting married to someone who wasn’t.)

    Integrity is also very important. So is sexual compatability. Do you really want to have a gorgeous partner who only wants sex once or twice a month? I’d prefer a more average-looking partner who wants sex every other day.

    Regardless whether you’re a man or a woman, I don’t recommend putting the highest emphasis on looks, fitness, education, age, finances or anything else that will impress your friends, family and coworkers when you make introductions. If those are the things you’re focused on, you’re looking for a status symbol, not a partner you can depend on.

  21. 21

    @EM 9
    Men who are not in power positions don’t get much media coverage when they lie and cheat. That is why all the ones in the news are in power positions. Possibly such men are more likely to cheat than though I am sure it is rampant amongst the less famous too!

  22. 22
    Flower White

    My most dsyfunctional relationship was with a good looking man.When we first got together he’d tell me about all the women flirting with him.

    Once, I confronted a waitress after he (lied) that she was trying to pick him up.
    Yes that was 10 years ago and I’ve learned much…

    For me if a man it TOO good looking or TOO fat or TOO short there are gonna be probs. Oh and that good looking man? Right after he DUMPED me for having boundaries he shortly married an unattractive woman and he is giving her HELL.

  23. 23

    @ lisa.
    yes, I’m 5’7 so apparently I have “very low market value.” Nice.

  24. 24

    Less attractive man does not equal more faithful or committed. I once had a roommate who dated an “ugly” man and she never thought he would cheat on her. The problem is, there were other women out there who thought he was ugly too and should be ecstatic to even have a GF, and therefore a safe bet. He managed to swindle all of them…….

    1. 24.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      One thing that this piece doesn’t mention about “attractive” men is that it’s not so much about looks (although that’s one form of attraction for women), but confidence/status. So it doesn’t matter if it’s a rockstar, politician, actor, lead singer or CEO, but the alpha male is a risky bet, as opposed to the beta male. To me, that’s the big takeaway from this piece, even if it’s not stated directly.

      Furthermore, I remember reading that men who make over $300,000 are 30% more likely to cheat. Is anyone surprised by this?

      1. 24.1.1
        Ms Jones

        I think these “researchers” don’t get out to every neighborhood in town. How do they collect their data? From People Magazine? Not every cheater winds up in the gossip column.

        The conclusions are superficial at best. Really, the whole discussion about determining a man’s ability to be faithful on the basis of his looks, income, or his “alpha-ness” is not a way to figure out who the man really is. We women are not as stupid as you might think. There are lots of subtle signs, gestures and deeds that  men give off if they are “on the make” for extramarital affairs. I have seen them in EVERY category.

        1. Evan Marc Katz

          I look forward to reading about your statistical analysis on your blog, Ms. Jones.

        2. Missy

          Totally agree Ms Jones. 98.9 % of all and any men seem to cheat, especially if things are predictable. I know, a percentage. Just making a point, I’ve found the sweetest person I’ve ever known given no reason, to cheat because he became bored and wanted to see if other women still found him attractive after being attached over 3 years. Men are still trying to make us accept it’s natural to expect weak morals as an uncontrollable force. Yet, a woman cheating is like the end of the world. This belief even in this day and age makes men feel they are righteously deserving options and above any vows or faithfulness given.

      2. 24.1.2
        Ms Jones

        I do not have a blog. Just a lot of experience and many friends, acquaintances and family members.

        i also have common sense.

        I and I also not a “professional” dating coach courting money for love advice.

        Ms Jones

        1. Evan Marc Katz

          Yes. People who think they have “common sense” think that Donald Trump speaks truth, too.

          I provide facts. Your personal experience doesn’t have to correspond with my facts for them to be true. You do understand that, right? You may marry a man after the first date and stay with him for 50 years. Statistics say that this is a rare scenario and not likely to turn out well despite what you experienced. So, as always, you are entitled to believe that average beta males cheat as much as successful alpha males – but as Karmic Equation said, they don’t have nearly as much opportunity to do so.

        2. Karmic Equation

          Ms Jones,

          You’re committing logical fallacies with the following statements:

          “I do not have a blog. Just a lot of experience and many friends, acquaintances and family members.” – Hasty Generalization fallacy

          “I and I also not a “professional” dating coach courting money for love advice.” – Circumstantial Ad Hominem fallacy

    2. 24.2

      I am almost 6’0 and the last guy I dated was 5’7. He pulled the nice guy act and then turned on me and became such an ass. It’s like he instinctively felt I chose him for his lack of desirability and thought he needed to show me up. He ended up breaking my heart, and blindly accused me of running around on him so he would have an excuse to screw around with other women and be flippant towards me. 
      I still get text messages from him 6 months later, I guess trying to keep me in his rotation. Not gonna happen. 
      So, so much for the shorter men. He assumed I was cocky and had men all over me, and ended up destroying something that could have been wonderful for him.
      He had other women for sure…He even sent me a picture of one. So yeah…He was swindling quite a few himself.

      1. 24.2.1

        I had one who assumed I was getting hit on by everyone as well.  He also thought he wasn’t that good looking while I begged to differ. He also ended up destroying the relationship because of his pre-conceived ideas of what an above average woman will do in her spare time.  If she can get it – she must be, right?  Ugh.  He was also the biggest flirt I’ve ever met, everywhere we went. It was like some kind of competition for him. But it was all inside his own mind.

  25. 25

    I agree with Larson’s thesis – the change in women’s socio-economic status (at least in the first world) has changed the behavioural economics of partnering.  Many women who don’t rely on men for financial security are less inclined to compromise on the other qualities they seek in a partner.  For some women the differentiator will be physical attractiveness.  Others look for social standing, which is often but not always, tied to finances.  I also know women who want partners who will take primary responsibility for child rearing and/or running the household.  

    There is so much fall out from women not needing to rely on men financially.  Evan spends an awful lot of time convincing women to compromise if they want to find a life partner. I know quite a few women choosing to have children without a partner now.  There is definitely more pressure on men to keep themselves looking good too. In some ways this disadvantages men in the mating game because women don’t need their finances so much but… in other ways it means their other qualities are stronger differentiators.  A friend of mine who is very wealthy after being widowed in her late 40s is now madly in love with a guy who adores her and looks after her but earns diddly squat.  She wouldn’t have considered him for anything more than a fling before her marriage. 

    Getting back to the original example, I wonder if there’s a narcissistic motivation, which I’ve seen before, in Abedin’s choice of Weiner.  He’s the long term, high status, ladies man and she is the one who ‘captures his heart’.  She was better than any other women he’s been with because she’s the one he wants to marry.  In reality his choice is probably because he’s not getting any younger and knows a wife is good for business.  In reality he is the same compulsive womaniser he has always been, possibly even more desperate now he’s married.

  26. 26
    Flower White

    Yes and Evan YOU are good looking. Hmmm.  I kid! You had BETTER not cheat 🙂

  27. 27

    I thought this article was ridiculous. Anthony Wiener isn’t all that attractive, and his wife IS way hotter than he is, for one thing. I completely agree with EMK that it’s more about status than anything else. As Henry Kissinger said, “Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac”. Most high status men, especially politicians, understand this very clearly, and many try to use it to their advantage.

    As far as looks go, I know good looking men who are great people and homely men who are jerks. And vice versa.

  28. 28

    I don’t think it’s so much that handsome men in and of themselves are a poor risk, but that the women who choose them for that reason are making a poor relationship choice due to having superficial values. (Of course, men do this too, but the study is about women)
    The more I learn about other people’s relationships, the more I see that most of their problems go back to choosing someone for all of the wrong reasons. If you’re looking for someone with whom you can have a family and grow old, their looks, height, weight, and financial status become singularly unimportant. (I’m not talking about financial stability, which is important to most relationships- I”m talking about those who look for super-high earners). Time after time, I see women choose men who treat them badly, but who meet all kinds of superficial criteria irrelevant to the health of a relationship.
    As Karl said above, what really counts is integrity, sexual compatibility, and ability to get along. If a woman can’t consider a man who’s 5’7″ as a partner, just because of his height, I’m not going to be too sorry if she’s unhappy with the jerk she chooses because he’s a few inches taller.

    1. 28.1

      Well what ppl need to realize is that if a tall woman chooses a short man, he in my experience is insecure about her being taller.  In fact, every single one of my short bfs is now an ex and  one of the reasons was that they all had a complex about their height.  Acted as if I grew during the relationship or something.  Nope, I was 5′ 11 right from the start.
      An insecure partner is a cheater each time.  It is insecurity you need to beware of.  No matter how handsome he is, if he hates himself, he will try to project it onto you.  Now that will make him Gross in your eyes.

      1. 28.1.1
        Ms Jones

        Very good point Amazon. The only man I ever dated who was shorter than me was the only man who ever hit me. (Naturally I broke up with him immediately). We were together for over 2 years and he met my whole family. He was pudgy and balding. We had fun. We had a quarrel and he struck me. He said because I was “bigger than him” it was okay. I was so shocked to hear this remark.

        I think your observation about insecurity as a “trait” to be on the lookout for is very important.

        When a person is insecure their behavior could be very unpredictable.

  29. 29

    Thank you, Evan for pointing out the distinction between the physically attractive male and the man with the alpha attitude, because they’re two very different traits.  I’ve known some very intelligent, attractive, successful men who were also shallow, boring, not at all that fun or insightful.  And because of his above-average looks, he’s grown used to easily attracting women and, thus, becomes rather lazy…why put out the effort to engage and entice a woman when he can draw the in based merely on his face value or curb appeal.  Yawn.

    The alpha man is a different animal altogether — he might be good looking or merely average or unique looking. But the way he presents himself to the world with his charismatic, usually extroverted personality and humor makes him not only a ladies’ man, but also a “man’s man.” Guys tend to be drawn to him as a bud, maybe because they want to be like him but also — let’s face it — he’s fun and interesting to be around.

    Personally, I run from the alpha male. I’ve finally learned in my many years that he’s way too preoccupied with his own stature, success, and self-aggrandizing to spend much time admiring little ol’ me. I hold nothing against this type of male; in fact, he is great company, there’s never a lull in conversation, and he’s usually very entertaining, very charming. But in terms of a committed relationship, I’ll take the guy who’s not so self-involved that he fails to notice and appreciate the fine woman next to him, who wins me over with his genuine interest in me, and who has a non-flashy self-confidence and his own brand of masculinity.

  30. 30

    I have dated all sorts of men – from super hot to super not – and they all share one thing only: they are men. Some were cute & confident, some were cute & insecure. The wealthy alpha male was an adrenaline junkie and emotional wreck, while the poor child psychologist was an amazingly attentive boyfriend. The alpha-male that I am so hot for right now was just rated as a 2 by my best girlfriend! “WTH is wrong with her?!?” I thought, but then I remembered that it is probably all about our chemistry. And for me Weiner would be a 2 no matter how much money he made…unless we met in person and he was amazingly charming. You can’t have a type or label people in just one category – even looks. There are too many differences and too many personal/emotional/physiological factors that come in to play once you meet, date or are in a relationship. People lie and cheat regardless of their looks / status and people are honest and kind regardless of looks / status.

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