I’m 30 and have been dating a man (37) for 6 months. It’s been slow going as we both have high-demand jobs, but we’re beginning to get more serious in terms of feelings and long-term commitment.
He is divorced with a child from his previous marriage, but would like to have another child someday. I, due to some personal health risks, have decided that childbearing is not likely in my future, but I’m not opposed to having children. I would like to find the right person first. I’ve mentioned a few times that I didn’t want to have children, but we’ve never really sat down and talked about the specifics.
This weekend he abruptly broke up with me because he wants to have a family and I do not, but said that everything between us really was great. He just doesn’t want to make things more serious, knowing that we don’t have the same views on children.
The issue is that I COULD want children. I just need to find the right person, but would still have concerns about childbearing due to a health concern. After he told me it was over, I tried to explain in more detail the why. He decided he’d think about it, knowing now the reason behind my hesitation.
I felt it was very unfair to end things without knowing the whole story or talking things through first. I don’t want it to end. It’s been a really great relationship so far and I adore him. Should I move on? Is there anything I can do to try again with him or is his mind made up? I don’t want to waste his time or mine.
Call this, “My Girlfriend Broke Up with Me Because I’m Unsure About Having Kids,” reverse the gender roles and you have your answer.
You want to be a mother? Only go out with men who REALLY want to be fathers.
As a dating coach, I would tell any woman not even to BEGIN dating a man who isn’t sure if he wants kids. Why invest time in something that’s potentially doomed from the start? On the off-chance that he changes his mind? Sorry, but I encourage risk aversion on this one. You want to be a mother? Only go out with men who REALLY want to be fathers.
So, Danielle, from my perspective, your boyfriend did the absolute right thing for him; whether it’s the right thing for you is immaterial.
Let him find a woman who wants to have kids and then go find yourself a man who doesn’t.