Can I Find Love If I’m Depressed?

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Evan, I’ve been reading your blog for a while and I like your dating advice because it’s been quantitative and specific (rather than vague and unclear like most others’). However there is one issue I’ve never seen addressed on this site (or any other for that matter).

Suppose you had treatment-resistant depression (or any chronic mental illness), assuming that you had been going the medication-and-therapy route for years to no avail, and that you were doing all you could to help yourself in your condition, but that you were just not able to function on the same level as a healthy person (i.e., too unstable to keep a job, on social assistance, disability status, etc.). Assume also that you had had this condition your entire adult life and did not expect to get better any time soon–unless there was a significant breakthrough in the field of antidepressants or therapy techniques. How would you go about dating or finding love?

How would you find a partner who would accept that you were not healthy and could not have a job or “contribute” to society, but could still love you for you? Or if your condition did not improve and you stayed that way your whole life, would you be expected to live a celibate/companion-less life? Are there any particular pitfalls in dating that depressed people are more susceptible to than healthy people?

You may wonder why I am not asking a therapist about this…This is because every therapist I’ve ever seen does not take my desire to date or find a partner seriously. Every time I raise this issue in the therapist’s office, it gets dismissed. I’ve never seen this issue addressed in a way that’s been helpful to me. The only response I’ve ever gotten was the clichéd “You need to be healthy to start a relationship. Work on yourself first.”

Essentially, I’m asking you “How does a depressed person find love in a society that believes that depressed people are not deserving of love?” Are depressed people deserving of love? Yes? No? Yes and no? I’m really interested in getting your opinion on this whole complex issue.

—Kristi

Dear Kristi,

I feel for you.

And not in some sort of vague, quasi-sympathetic way either. I had trouble with anxiety in my early 20’s and depression in my late 20’s, so I know what it’s like to attempt to function with that black cloud hanging over your head at all times.

My issue was largely situational — subconscious freak-outs about graduating college in 1994 and the shattered dreams of failing to become a Hollywood screenwriter in 2001. Once I got past the initial trauma and found my footing, the turbulence passed and I’ve been lucky enough to have smooth sailing ever since.

But I’ve never forgotten what it was like to have that demon inside me and not be able to conquer it. I remember watching “A Beautiful Mind” and the feeling of frustration at not being able to think my way out of my own depression. It’s too big. Too overwhelming. Too irrational. You can appreciate all the reasons you have to live and all the blessings in your life but still not feel good about it.

I wouldn’t wish depression on my worst enemy.

This is just my long way of validating where you’re coming from: I wouldn’t wish depression on my worst enemy.

At the same time, I wouldn’t recommend that anyone marry someone who is depressed.

This is not to say that depressed people are not as “deserving” of love as anyone else in the world. But love isn’t based on being “deserving”. Dating isn’t a meritocracy. And frankly, I don’t think anyone “deserves” love just like I don’t think everyone “deserves” to be a millionaire.

If I am to be objective, Kristi, we have to look at romance much in the way that we look at work. There are only so many amazing jobs out there and everyone is forced to make tradeoffs. Some will work for a ton of money doing something that they don’t like. Some will work at something that makes no money because they love it. Some will work in an office even though they hate commuting and being around people. Some will work from home, even though they are extroverts.

And, for whatever it’s worth, there are some people who, through no fault of their own, are unfortunate. They live in a town where all the factories have been shut down. They grew up in a broken family with no positive role models. They got caught up in their own rebellion and never went to college. They had kids too young and couldn’t give as much to their careers.

All of these people might be kind, deserving people, but they’re not going to end up with the dream job simply because they’re kind and as worthy of an amazing career as the next guy. If the next guy went to an Ivy League school, had his still-married parents pay for his grad school, and chose a career path that allowed him to capitalize on the tech boom, that guy is going to have a better job 99% of the time.

Frankly, I don’t think anyone “deserves” love just like I don’t think everyone “deserves” to be a millionaire.

And so it goes in love. Your curse is depression. Some have been cursed by being overweight. Some men are too short. Some are blind or deaf or paraplegic. Are all these people “deserving” of love? In terms of fairness, yes. In terms of reality, no.

It’s perfectly fair for you to not want to date a man who can’t walk if you can find a man who can walk. It’s perfectly fair for you to not want to date a man who is in financial disarray when you can find a man who is a stable homeowner. And it’s perfectly fair for a man to choose a partner who is not depressed over a partner who is depressed.

We can go on and on about how unfair life is, but, hey, I didn’t write the rules. Life is unfair.

And as someone who really tried the patience of some well-meaning people when I was depressed and anxious, I can understand why someone wouldn’t want to get too emotionally invested in me.

I was a cesspool of negativity, scattered thinking and helplessness. I was a shadow of my former and future self. I didn’t even like to be around myself — why would any woman enjoy being around me? Especially when she can choose to keep the company of another guy who wasn’t crying spontaneously every morning.

I’ve seen relationships torn apart by depression, generally where one partner tries to overlook the other partners’ significant issues. But those issues always come back to haunt the couple, the same way you’re still haunted by your own chronic mental health. If you can’t escape it, he can’t either. And that’s not a life that most people are going to voluntarily sign up for.

The best metaphor, I think, would be having an autistic child. I have a friend who has one and it’s incredibly emotionally draining on him. And while he’d never say he “regrets” having his son, I think if he were given a choice of autistic vs. not-autistic, he’d choose the latter. It would be hard to blame him.

So while I’m extremely sorry for the loneliness you feel, your therapists are ultimately right. Until you can get happy yourself, it would be very hard to contribute to a partner’s happiness.

It’s not that it’s impossible to find love when you’re depressed — I know of a handful of stories — and those relationships are no picnic – but objectively, there’s only a small percentage of men who are such selfless caretakers that they would choose a depressed partner over someone who doesn’t have serious mental health issues.

I sincerely wish you the best of luck and hope that you get the help you need to one day have the relationship you desire.

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Comments:

  1. 61
    Sarah Eisenberg

    Hi Kristi:

    I’m not sure if you are still reading this message chain, as  the original posting is rather dated, but  I hope that you  do come across my  thoughts.  Reading your letter to Evan brought tears to my eyes, because I can deeply relate, as I have also struggled with a lifetime of depression and loneliness. Therapy and medication do not always help, as the road to healing is  often a lonely one.  I hope that my words can help inspire you. I don’t agree with  the “advice” that Evan dished out to you; in fact, I found it rather cruel and heartless. Yes, you must  take responsibility for your own happiness.  You only have one life, and you  must make that life count.  Every human being has things in their life for which they can be grateful for. What are you grateful for?

    Can depressed people find love? Yes, they can. But you have to believe it. You have to start from place of hope. You have  to  have faith that your other half is out there, trying to find you. I know this because I am blessed with many friends from all different walks of life, most of which have found their life partner. None of these people are perfect. They all struggle, some perhaps more privately than others, with  depression, debts, personal failures. They are also good, talented people  with accomplishments and jobs and families. Some do not have jobs because of  serious health problems. But they are still loved by a significant other.   I often turn to my friends and their  significant others  for inspiration, because they remind me that for every pot there’s a lid. I’ve been single for many years myself, but I have never  given up  trying.  
    I also believe in  this because  of my own faith.  In  Judaism, we believe in something called  bashert, which  essentially means soulmate. Every human being is fated to his or her own bashert. You have to trust that eventually, your life will lead you to that person, when  the  time is right, and that person will accept you for who you are, depression or not. We only have so much  control over our lives, and no one  has control over the will of another person.  Perhaps you just haven’t met that special person yet. All you can do is keep trying, and don’t lose hope. There is someone out there for you.

    Keep going to therapy and taking your medication if you believe that it is really working. YOU are your own best advocate. Live your life believing that you are worthy of happiness and joy.  Say it out loud to yourself everyday like a mantra: I am worthy of happiness.  Find  an activity  that makes you happy–writing, painting,  playing music,  sports, volunteer work–and  make  time for  it. It doesn’t matter what other people thing, and you are better off cutting  toxic people out of your life as much as possible. It’s  OK to get depressed sometimes. You are who you are, but also deserve to be happy.  When you are happy, you are confident, and that is the most attractive thing. You have a beautiful, sensitive soul, and you are worthy of love. YES, you will love and be loved eventually. BELIEVE  IT.  

    Remember, you only have one life. Enjoy it. I  hope your bashert comes into your life soon.
                
          

  2. 62
    Heather

    I suffer from depression, and it is an every day struggle. Just to overcome the blues. I’m also anxious anymore, but that is due to a lot of big changes in my life, which I openly welcome.

    With depression, I think the way you meet people may need to be shifted. If you are finding it hard to approach someone, or you have had no luck when surrounded by people try online dating, or even getting into online video games. Join a social web group and connect with people of similar interests. Did you know on the DISboards there is a single seeking single forum? If you have any love for Disney, that could be a good place.

    Don’t beat yourself up if you don’t find love right away. I did. I made mistakes and rushed into bad  relationships trying to fill the void of  loneliness  I felt atop of my depression. At one point I came to accept I’d never have the one person I had come to love through an online game, and started making plans to marry someone who I knew…had little time left and would never give me a child or a happy home. BUT, I took a risk and was ready to be crushed and yet he said yes.  

    Don’t let depression control you. Let it be your armor…

    Ironically I have been told that I am a completely different person when I am around my boyfriend. I’m happier, and more out going. I am pretty depressed and anxious at the moment because he’s 2400 miles away and I’m trying to save money for the move. ugn, sorry rambling again and offering advice when the person posting the question may never read my reply, hahaha.   

  3. 63
    Ian

    Hey I stumbled upon this article, and Evan – I have a question for you.   Though I’m a man, this article and response rang true for me.   Evan, your experience that you shared about your depression sounds eerily similar to mine.   After high school and college I experienced anxiety and depression.   After college, it was far worse.   Your comment about subconscious freak outs was right on point.   For me, it was the same.   I was (and still am) very sensitive and in social situations, I would internalize a lot, and this led to somewhat of a subconscious battle with my confidence and identity.   After college, I was worn out, depressed, and haunted by anxious ruminations of potential future failures and permanent mental health problems (that was my fear).   I was fortunate enough to land a job right after college and it helped.   However, it was a struggle.   It’s been about two years, and I’m much better, but at times still have a dip.   Did your experience last long?   I wonder if mine is circumstantial or if it’s a chronic situation.   I graduated from college with honors, now have two jobs and got accepted into graduate school.   However, I still struggle at times with some brief (a few days) moments of setback.   It is sometimes difficult to get out of it.   Is this common?   

    1. 63.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      Ian – I usually don’t take questions on here, but this one is close to my heart. Do everything you can to battle this. It can go away – as you move on with your life – and get away from the epicenter of the earthquake – but there’s no guarantee of that. Read books, take courses, put yourself outside your comfort zone, see a shrink, talk to friends, try antidepressants. Just don’t let it beat you. You can and will get to the other side of it; you just won’t know until it’s gone. Mine had everything to do with career and almost nothing to do with anything else. Once I figured that out, I never had anxiety again. Give it time, my friend.

  4. 64
    Ian

    Thanks for making the exception, Evan.   Time certainly has helped, and I’ve seen tremendous growth since the “epicenter of the earthquake”.   It’s only when it hits that it feels insurmountable.   Fortunately, about 70 percent of the time I’m my old self (or new self – if you’re looking at it from the viewpoint of growth and a new strength).   When it first began, it was 100 percent bad.   I guess you could say that’s a positive sign. 🙂   Thanks for responding.

  5. 65
    Joe

    Evan: so in other words, if you’re as depressed as Kristi, you’re fucked? Maybe it could be considered brutally honest, but it’s certainly not a helpful response to her letter.

  6. 66
    Jeff

    To say that being depressed, or overweight, or missing a leg is a curse is absolutely ridiculous. Honestly, good parents, a good job, and good looks do not make a good person. People constantly find out that their perfect lover is actually just a douche bag. Depression can also be a gift too. It weeds out crappy people with shitty personalities that can’t accept that they will eventually feel despair, and hopelessness. Being depressed, or anxious does not mean you can’t take care of your lover, and have good relationship. Just the same as a handsome guy with a nice car won’t be a lying, cheating, moron. It’s hard to find good people no matter what kind of circumstance you’re in. Well off people turn into physically abusive assholes every day.

  7. 67
    Lori

    While this column may have been written with compassion, towards “helping” the person posing the question, I don’t think this is helpful advice. Not completely. I first felt angry, as I am in her shoes, treatment  resistant  depression for about 24 years. I’ve tried medications, I’ve went off all meds for a “depression” diet, and herbs. I’ve done the Vit. B’s, Omega-3’s, Tyrosine etc. I’ve seen Psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers. I’ve done outpatient therapy. I’ve attended support groups. I’ve read too many books to count. Right now I am trying DBT. It’s a lot of work. And it sounds like Kristi has done the work as well. So, for some us, wait til you get healthy is a joke. The psychological community doesn’t aspire for a cure for someone like me. They hope for a  remission. “Remission” is the word I’ve heard used the last few years. I had a successful marriage for 23 years that ended due to something completely outside my issues with depression. Did my husband get frustrated and sad when I had a tough episode? Absolutely. It was hard on him. And probably my two children. I had a good run with remissions for a while. But not in the last 7 years. So, if remission is the goal, then one should assume that the depression is probably ongoing. As   you get older, the episodes get worse and for longer periods of time. Yes, it’s hard on loved ones. But they still love us. I’m sure it would be tough if I dated someone in a wheelchair, or without an arm. But love is love, and if that’s there, I’ll work with the rest. So Kristi, if you are in the same boat as me, I would encourage you to get out there. I’m sure you are a woman with an attractive personality that has a lot to share with someone else. Don’t be defined by hopelessness. If you have depression and it’s treatment resistant, what is your doctor offering you to get better? If the hope is for you to get in remission, than you might be looking at a lifetime battle. And it is so hard sometimes. I don’t know if you have a good therapist, but if so, they can help you prepare for the search, rejection should it come your way, etc.   Or, is you are having trouble getting through the day more often then not, maybe it is time to sit back and work on handling your depression. You can’t do much about your depression, except learn some skills that help along the way. I have been in DBT therapy for six months and it’s the first time someone has offered me something tangible, a skill that I can use. I wouldn’t hesitate to give it a big endorsement. Also, you should be able to go out to dinner, or to a movie, or for a walk with a mood that is inviting to a date. And sometimes that might mean Faking it (until you make it). That works for me often.

    I’ve had two great loves in my life. Both men knew about my depression before we got too involved. They made a choice to love me, despite whatever disease I was battling. I know a woman with chronic fatigue that is more  incapacitated  than I am with depression. I rarely hear anyone say they won’t date a woman with chronic fatigue, lupus, multiple sclerosis. I think it is, again, another way that people with depression are judged.   Don’t let it define you, and why shouldn’t you seek out a loving partner? You should have it, you’re worthy, and capable. Might you need some therapy perhaps while in a relationship? Maybe. Whatever gets you up in the morning, and to your doctor, and keeps your hopes alive will do what you need to do to keep your skills in relating to a new partner successful. Just as Evan mentions that people will want to choose someone “healthy”, you can be prepared for that. “Cope ahead”. Have a strategy planned on how you will handle that should someone react that way to your news. But if someone meets you and has a chance to see your inner being, he will decide whether or not to stick around and be with a depressed partner. Trust me, there are men out there that are willing when they fall in love. Just be ready to do the hard work. Relationships are hard for everyone at some point. I wish you well in finding what you seek.   Lori

  8. 68
    Violet

    Evan – With your words you may responsible for making that woman who placed her faith in you even deeper into an even depression – Treatment resistant depressions come with a higher chance I have asked HaShem to teach you what it’s like to suffer from an untreatable mood disorder.   Since you see feel you deserve to be paid to hand out relationship advice. Shalom
      

  9. 69
    Jakeo

    What the hell kind of arrogant answer is that?   Life is “unfair” you are not deserving of love or shouldn’t marry because your depressed?   America is the way it is because people are in it for themselves and could care less about others.   A bunch of nonsense EVAN!

    1. 69.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      Actually, Jakeo, it’s nonsense to suggest that someone “deserves” love simply because he/she has a beating heart. At the end of the day, someone has to choose that person above all others, every day for the rest of his life. And if someone is depressed, it’s going to mean that the men are going to have a whole lot of non-depressed options to choose from. This issue is not altogether different than if someone said, “I’m homeless, can I find love?” or “I’m schizophrenic, can I find love?” No one is judging you for being homeless or schizophrenic or depressed. Just don’t pretend there are as many people interested in dating someone with so much emotional baggage. I HOPE the OP finds love, but it’s going to take a very special, very patient person to see through the black clouds over her head. Finally, cut the insults. I wasn’t arrogant. That wasn’t nonsense. I was being rational, you were being emotional. Own it.

  10. 70
    marymary

    i had resistant depression for over thirty years. Still got dates, cohabited and married. all went south. Either my depressions led me to pick the wrong guys or screw it up if they weren’t so wrong. I was very functional though, able to study, work, cook, and maintain a veneer of competence. I didn’t need a man to look after me.rather I wouldnt let them.
    ive not had an episode now for over three years. For me it took a therapist who did in fact encourage me to date even though I turned a deaf ear to that,   made a nice home, found a new church, learned to see myself and the world differently. .also shout out to the baggage reclaim blog which made me realise that my seemingly exceptionally unique problems were not that unique at all and entirely solvable. You are unique. your depression is not. it is not an integral part of your make up.   Change is possible if you believe it.
    As a man thinks so he is. Proverbs.
    i understand that many won’t believe me or think that I’m spouting new age nonsense or that my depression wasn’t that bad. But, I think that changing what you believe is key and if you can at all open your heart to a better future, please do.

  11. 71
    Lucy

    Here’s my perspective. I’m 22 years old and I’ve gone through a couple of episodes of depression in the past five years, in addition to my anxiety disorder (which has affected my studies a lot), panic attacks (which are now thankfully gone) and a couple of abusive relationships. It has certainly not been easy to me and I can identify with the original poster. I have seen a few psychologists, changed my diet and fitness levels, given up caffeine and alcohol. It was only last year that I began to be able to give myself appropriate levels of care and cease self-harming. I have faith that happiness is out there for me.  I can identify when my mood changes and make adjustments; and I find appropriate outlets to brighten my mood before turning to others for advice. That helps me a lot in my friendships.

    Now speaking as someone who’s been affected in such a way, I certainly agree with Evan and I don’t think pursuing romance when in a poor state of mind is a good idea. It can lead to co-dependency and for me I ended up dating the most narcissistic men because the fact I was so low, meant that I didn’t see them truly for what they were. One of them was quite abusive, which made the depression even harder to deal with. I put all my hopes in them to deal with how I felt about myself (not realising this at the time). I could not deal with life when those relationships ended (but really I could not deal with it before anyway). I have had to face my issues head on and resolve the situation as much as I can on my own. It’s the only way I can move forward.  

    I won’t feel quite ready to date until I know I am the best version of myself. You may as well be the best version of you in order to be the most wonderful partner for someone else, to love fully and freely. And you don’t want your illness to be tied up with your self-identity.

  12. 72
    Steve

    I think it’s a positive sign to ask this question: “Are depressed people deserving of love?” I see a stream of light coming in a darkened room. How about the question ‘Can I, as a depressed person, begin to love myself?’
    By the very asking of it tells me there’s the possibility.   Which leads to his conclusion that “I didn’t even like to be around myself — why would any woman enjoy being around me?”
    It’s true that you feel unlovable to the point where you don’t like yourself and you want out and all you want to do is sleep and escape the pain it would be hard to have a happy relationship. You can find a co-dependent relationship with someone else who also has life issues. You can also maybe find an angel who just likes you as is –like the type of person that adopts an Autistic child or a lame dog but it would be hard to meet a person like this. Nothing new here but I believe if you can feel lovable to yourself then the floodgates to dating will open. My main point is that to even ask this question shows some optimism and some belief. 🙂

  13. 73
    Steve

    I have no answers but a therapist with a Humanist approach might be helpful. You may have gone down this road already. If not some of what I like about the Humanist approach is that   the therapist 1. practices unconditional positive regard for who they are working with and 2. don’t give you any answers really but ask a series of questions and guide the discussions to help you come up with your own answers.

  14. 74
    payal

    Hi..

    it was interesting to read the chain and realise how we all percieve and undersatnd things in our lives.
    i  dont even know why i feel compelled to write this but i’d like to first  share some facts.
    – depression is a mental illness caused by chemical imbalances in the brain.
    – love does not cure depression just as love cannot cure cancer.
    -people who wish to date  defenetely need to work on themselves first.
    -having said that there are people out there who are willing to date, love and even marry people with mental ailments. (  unconditional love doesnt expect anything in return)
    –  im not sure how many of you might be able to connect with what im saying but i strongly believe that every problem in our life is trying to tell us something, point us to something and teach us something.  learning is hidden in the darkest moments of our life.

    -i’ve never really known depression myself but am fortunately or  unfortunately in love with a man who has it. i’ve learnt this news recentely from him  and was shattered.  its tough but i’ve decided that i’m not going to leave him because of that. we are going to work through this together.

    its tough to deal with depression but  its inspiring to read some of the above comments and how people have been coping.
    i wish and pray that all of you find peace, love  and happiness  in life.
    payal

  15. 75
    Nicole

    I feel like there’s something innately wrong with this advice.   Evan, you’re addressing the question from the perspective of someone who had temporary depression and got through it.   Kristi is asking about chronic lifelong depression, which is a mental health disorder, something that you just have your whole life, like diabetes or dyslexia.   These are not the same thing, at all.   Would you recommend someone with diabetes not search for love because inevitably they will have chronic weight issues?   

    With chronic depression, you will always have this mental beast to battle; however, just because you will always have depression doesn’t mean you will always be struggling with it.   People with depression can find various kinds of treatment that work, and be just as happy, productive, loving, and desirable as the next schmoe who does not have depression.   I would even go so far as to argue that a person who has gone through treatment but occasionally struggles is more desirable on this level: that they have a degree of self-awareness that most people have never needed to fight for.   We can be highly sensitive, understanding, and wonderful lovers, and life partners.   I have my reasons for needing to believe these things, as someone with depression who  will succeed and find love in her life.

    To me, your advice to Kristi implies that loneliness is simply the card she has been dealt.   For what it’s worth, to Kristi I’d say keep working on yourself and find a partner who accepts you as you are, the dark clouds, silver linings, and all.

    1. 75.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      @Nicole – You said: “People with depression can find various kinds of treatment that work, and be just as happy, productive, loving, and desirable as the next schmoe who does not have depression.” But you’re ignoring the fact that the OP said that she’s barely functional:

      Suppose you had treatment-resistant depression (or any chronic mental illness), assuming that you had been going the medication-and-therapy route for years to no avail, and that you were doing all you could to help yourself in your condition, but that you were just not able to function on the same level as a healthy person (i.e., too unstable to keep a job, on social assistance, disability status, etc.). Assume also that you had had this condition your entire adult life and did not expect to get better any time soon—unless there was a significant breakthrough in the field of antidepressants or therapy techniques. How would you go about dating or finding love?”

      Is it fair that there are very few people who would voluntarily want to marry someone who can’t function as a healthy person? No. But it’s reality. If Kristi had her issues under control, I’d have a different answer. But she doesn’t. Which makes her path to love a dicey one, at best.

  16. 76
    Nicole

    @ Violet

    1. Please do not wish depression on anyone.   There are better ways to understand it than to have to go through it.

    2. That said, I agree with your premise: telling someone who is experiencing depression that they should forgo finding love, because that’s their lot, could push them into a deeper depression.   It seems more fatalistic than realistic to me.

  17. 77
    Maria

    Did you just say or did I misread that you indicate that bein overweight is a curse also?   I am overweight, so am I not deserving?   Am I supposed to not even try to look for the year or so that it might take me to be at my goal weight?   What about loving someone for who they are???????????

  18. 78
    Pam

    I found this question while looking for advice on my depressed boyfriend. I love him and have no intention of leaving him – but I find when his depression gets bad he shuts me out entirely. Does anyone have any tips for me on how to stay sane while he does this? He is taking anti depressants, seeing his psychologist, getting fit and eating healthy; so it’s   not like he’s not trying to beat it. I just find it so hard not to get dragged down when I know he’s bad; and I can’t add that guilt to the way he’s already feeling.  

  19. 79
    Peter

    @Angie 14.   Life on permanent willpower is depression in itself.

  20. 80
    Chris

    Boundaries. Anyone involved with a person with mental illness needs to take care of their own needs and wants. I grew up with a sister who had borderline personality disorder and committed unintentional suicide because of it. She was never able to have “normal” love relationships. There was nothing fair about the suffering it caused her and her family. I had to have boundaries with her and at times that meant not being in relationship with her. There is no sense of one mental illness destroying more than one life and squashing it of being a happy and successful one because we are brought down by it in the name of love or blood relationship. We don’t “find love” or “deserve love”, we are love and we act out of love. Love yourself first and then you will know how to love others. No one can love you out of your problems and we shouldn’t expect anyone to do that for us. Kristi has been dealt a certain hand, like all of us, some more shitty than others. It has nothing to do with her being able to find love. It is who she is. Whether or not people want to be in relationship with her because of her depression has nothing to do with her being a lovable person. Acceptance. The paralyzed person accepts that they may never have a “normal” life. The mentally ill person can accept that they may never have “normal” relationships. Who cares. They are still wonderful, amazing and lovable people that have a lot to offer the world, no matter their lot in life.

    1. 80.1
      Miranda

      Thank you. I really wish you had written this article instead of EMK because that’s exactly right.

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