If You Are Short, Fat, Older or An Asian Man, You Must Read This. But Especially If You’re Short.


If you’re a regular reader, you probably knew that I was on the CBS Early Show in July. Appearing with me was one of my all-time favorite clients, Tom Pandolfo. Charming, charismatic, successful, warm, athletic… Tom has it all. The only thing missing in his life is a woman. So, after hiring me as his dating coach, we set to work in rebranding him on Match.com.

We took new professional photos. We had Tom fill out my long questionnaire and submit to an hour of questions from me on the phone. We wrote two new profile essays that were unique, funny and confident. We renamed him “LookMaNoHair.”

And we watched as his in-box filled up with interested women.

You can see what a great experience it was in this CBS Early Show clip:

What I haven’t yet mentioned is that Tom Pandolfo is 5’3″.
I didn’t want to mention it for the same reason that Tom didn’t want to mention it in his profile: because it’s irrelevant to anything that makes him a good accountant, husband, or father. Yet his height defines him, since it has prevented otherwise interested women from being interested in him over the course of his entire life.

Height is irrelevant to anything that makes a man a good husband or father.

This instantly reminded me of a story that ABC did years ago on this very issue.

To see if the women would go for short guys who were successful, ABCNEWS’ Lynn Sherr created extraordinary résumés for the shorter men. She told the women that the shorter men included a doctor, a best-selling author, a champion skier, a venture capitalist who’d made millions by the age of 25.

Nothing worked. The women always chose the tall men. Sherr asked whether there’d be anything she could say that would make the shortest of the men, who was 5 feet, irresistible. One of the women replied, “Maybe the only thing you could say is that the other four are murderers.” Another backed her up, saying that had the taller men had a criminal record she might have been swayed to choose a shorter man. Another said she’d have considered the shorter men, if the taller men had been described as “child molesters.”

Lest you think this is an example of reality TV finding evidence to support a story, Tom tried his own experiment last week. Sure enough, few women give a fair shake to a man who is 5’3”, no matter what else he has going for him.

I’m going to let Tom take it from here.

So I tried changing my profile for three days just to see what the difference was between being 5’3″ and 5’10”.  I wanted to know if height was the only difference and the constant deal breaker.  So I moved my profile from Pittsburgh and posted it for 3 days in a town where nobody knew me (Philadelphia). Here’s what I found:

5’3” in Pittsburgh 5’10” in Philadelphia
Mutual matches 0 80
Reverse matches 12 400
Petite women w/pics w/in 50 miles 45 650
Views in 3 days 11 212
Emails received — unsolicited 0 32
Winks received — unsolicited 2 28
Emails sent out 6 6
Replies received to emails sent out 0 6


This proves, in stark and undeniable terms, two things:…

Life — and people — can be incredibly unfair. We talked about this just the other day. People want what they want. They’re attracted to what they’re attracted to. And no amount of complaining is going to change it.

Oh, and I am one helluva dating coach. 60 unsolicited contacts in three days? Six replies from six emails sent? Come on. That’s pretty damn good!

Okay, I’m kidding about the last part, but only because I’m so serious about the rest of this. Really, it kills me.

Why, in God’s name, is it important for women to stand on tiptoes to kiss a guy?

Believe me, Tom is no “woe-is-me” kind of guy. He’s just been confronted with a very ugly reality that has shaken his confidence in people. And even though we had good initial results, the fact remains, empirically: women don’t want short men.

And although you can feel free to substitute “older women”, “older men”, “heavier women”, or “Asian men”, I honestly feel that nobody gets a rawer deal than short guys.

Honestly, ladies…You can get your own dishes from the top shelf. You don’t really need to feel “protected” from the dangers of suburbia. And why, in God’s name, is it important to stand on your tiptoes to kiss a guy?

So how about it, women? Is there any legitimate reason not to go out with this amazing, amazing man?

Talk to me. I want to hear the truth.

Join our conversation (1,594 Comments).
Click Here To Leave Your Comment Below.


  1. 1081

    5’5″ woman here with no problem dating shorter men. I understand the preference for taller guys, but I don’t need anyone to protect me, and I’m secure in my weight that I don’t need to feel “smaller”.

    Ladies out there, whatever your height and weight there is no need to feel self-conscious. If  a shorter/slimmer guy is dating you, then he finds you attractive and sexy, so own it.

    It’s hard enough to find a partner that’s  honest, caring, loyal, funny, sexually compatible, employed and open/ready for a relationship, why make it harder by throwing height into the mix?

  2. 1082

    I was slow to realize the role of my height (5’7″) in the market value I was experiencing.   I don’t do well with American women, which I think is because I’m at the lower end of their group’s height range.   I tend to be seen as that sweet guy who’s useful as a supporting character, but certainly not as their leading man.   I do much better with women in Asia.   I’m very attracted to Asian women (not yellow fever, I just find them to be gorgeous and highly feminine), so it works out.

  3. 1083
    Christopher Powell

    See this is one thing men fail too realize n guess what I’m a man too. Women like taller men woopdeedoo, guess what none of that matters. Yeah women may deny a short guy but that’s because they never hopped thier conceited asses out they’re comfort zone because they are in my oppinion scared of how they will be viewed. Fuck them types of girls no offense too whom I may piss off. I’m 5’4 but I’ve been with many women because I’m confident n that’s what sells it.

    1. 1083.1

      Exception does not prove the rule…

  4. 1084

    Of course I can reach things from the top shelf on my own (thank you, ladder) but there’s just something about men having more of certain VISUAL qualities than women, whether height, weight, muscle, strength, etc., that makes them more appealing. Even if we are just as capable of those things, men and women are meant to compliment each other… so if we’re both short, that’s just not gonna work. The only way a short guy could become appealing to me is if we had some sort of interaction in person… This way NON-visual traits, such as personality, charm, pheromones, etc., can play their part and hopefully make up for what was lacking in height. Oddly enough, the men I tend to date end up being about my height or just a tiny bit taller than me though. I’ve found that much taller men tend to question and argue with me more than shorter men. So I guess height can be intimidating as well, esp if you have an alpha female personality like mine.

    1. 1084.1

      Good point

      I guess Im an odball here being in my sixties. Ive been married happily for many years so the “pickup game is not relevant anymore. Im reading these posts out of curiosity.

      Im about   5″8 inches but in the 1960s when I was in high school this was low average. More important women were a lot shorter than today.   At 5-8 I was taller than 85% of the women. This is not true today.

      More important   as what Simplistic said the “pickup game” was very personal. If I were trying to pick up Simplistic Id ask her to dance. If she were intersted she would continue dancing with me and give me her number. If not she would thank me after the first dance and go back to her friends. No big deal Ill try another “chick”

      Today everything is computerized and impersonal. I can see why height is such a big deal. There is no such thing as “chemistry now or so it seems. Im my day the worst thing that could happen to a man was to go very bald at an early age. This happened to a college roomate of mine 50 years ago. He was in a state of panic. Today with the hair tranplantation bald is no big deal but in 1968?

      Just my two cents.






  5. 1085

    At 55 and 5’5″ I was dateless throughout highschool.

    Went to university at 119lb

    Lifted weights and martial arts and lost my virginity at 21, girl grabbed me drunk one night.

    Then a friend, bass player in a rock band demonstrated how just not giving a f about rejection (21  in a row told him no, 22 was hot, said yes.

    Now solid 150 at 23 with few martial arts belts bench press 250 and my first degree, back for masters I went to bars and being seen as cute actually helped get my foot in the door with a group of girls, the safe guy

    20   lovers spouse later I am with my soulmate. She outweighs me a big and is taller and she’s strong enough to shoot, clean and toss a deer in the back of her truck, lol. Worked at a mill since 18, rocking body at 50.

    Me, I am the CEO of the health system in our area and my published salary makes people jealous. More successsful than all the jocks at school, by far. Two great kids too, both 6 feet tall, go figure.

    Confidence fake it.

    We have sex everyday and she has 2-3 orgasms.

    I have the prefered penis length according to these plastic samples sl (too thick though, lol).

    Penis size does not vary with height, at least half my lovers have said the largest guys have been short.   The shortest guys therefore have more sick as a percentage of their body.

    So me, 55 uears old, at 5’5″ 150 l, 31 inch waist, 40inch chest stanfing naked in the allmale squash club surrounded by guys all taller heavier and yet proportionately, I have the largest penis in the room. Jo gut helps and my six pack does stand out (don’t drink, just pot and sex).

    So if short gain weight. A pit bull will kill a great Dane.

    Short and powerful wins a bar fight every time. Leverage.

    And ask women out all the time and if she rejects your just look puzzled and smile and say ‘you right’ and walk away.

    it’s confidence, passion for something, ambition are the top three things women look for.

    So even if your shorts if you can indicate to them you are confident, have dreams and goals that are exciting, pretty soon she will be telling he friends that having a guys who diesn’t crush them while having sex, grest penis and boundless energy to ensure she has a couple orgasms, rock hard because o more blood for penis since lesss leg and torso to pump blood though,

    So you women who look down on men yrah, Donald trump is tall. He’s all yours and you deserve him.



    1. 1085.1

      Switched to Android.   Spell check sucks, or ducks as they autocorrect would say

  6. 1086

    But, I prefer Asian men… and I don’t particularly care about height; height is less important than a lot of other factors to me.

  7. 1087
    Ceili Bleu

    I’m a 5’7 tall Irish American woman (not a petite build lol) who is married to a 5’4 Asian American man and we couldn’t be more in love and sexually attracted to each other. I love my short man from the day I met him his smile captivated my heart!!! At first he was self conscious about the height difference but he quickly learned to let all the stares we would get stroke his ego lol I told him they r staring wondering how he snagged such a sexy model. He is actually extremely handsome I’d say prettier than me but despite the height difference I think we physically compliment each other. I actually laugh at women when they insist on a man being a certain height. Tall or short a jerk is a jerk and a  man that can treat a woman right and cares about my needs and wants is what I’m looking for. Honestly I’ve started to realize that most of the shorter men I know actually seem to try harder and put in more of an effort to show their lady they r important. Just what I’ve noticed. If you’ve got confidence and can show a woman how much she means to you u can stand tall at any height!!!! Oh and by the way we joke about it pretty often, I don’t   emasculate him, and I still feel small in his arms!! He still picks me up and gives me piggy back rides lol even if I’m only a foot off the ground 😂😂😂 we laugh and have fun and fall more in love everyday!!!! There is hope short men their are more women out there like me you will find ur one!!!!!

  8. 1088

    Those commenting “fat women can lose weight but short men have no ‘fix'” make me cringe–we’re ALL superficial. My friend likes to say, “if he is 5’3 but his piles of cash to make him taller, I’ll date him.”

    1. 1088.1

      Then cringe…because it is true. Fat women can lose weight, short men can get taller how? Oh, and studies show money does not help short in the dating market for the most part.

  9. 1089

    Just to clarify the population there’s more women than men, and women tend to be shorter than men. hello I’m 5 foot I know. There’s plenty of short women out there…..

    1. 1089.1

      Why does height matter again? Why not direct short men to good women regardless of height?

  10. 1090

    Good morning! I am a slender, 5’10” brunette, with a lovely disposition and have no qualms about shorter men. However, most shorter men I’ve met and even of same height, have an issue with MY   tallness. And more so in heels. Tall men don’t pursue me! LOL

  11. 1091

    aaron and Mike 1.1.1

    About women don’t want to date short men vs men don’t want to date fat women

    The guys said it’s unfair comparison because fat women can lose weight and men can’t control their heights.

    So, how about comparing it to men only want to date younger women? we read it everywhere in these blogs

    Men will argue it’s because of biology, they can’t help who they attracted to, for the purpose of   having children, etc (they’ll give lengthy bullshit explanation about this) …. even if the man is old and don’t need to have another biological children, they still want younger (or sometimes young, not younger) women……………  these older women can’t change their age too…   do men give them a chance? mostly NO.

    and the advice given to these women is always to compromise (or settle) with much OLDER men who WANTS them….. now please do the same, choose shorter women who wants you.

    Evan always said we can’t change what the other gender wants, people want what they want, we can only change our preference….. so just do as the women are always told to do..

    it always makes me laugh every time i read men said women are shallow when they don’t want to date short men and it’s not shallow (only natural and acceptable) when men don’t want to date older women….

    I’m sure, some of the guys will say they’ll date older women, …. yeah i get it, mostly for sex   only not for a LTR…….

    1. 1091.1

      it always makes me laugh every time i read men said women are shallow when they don’t want to date short men and it’s not shallow (only natural and acceptable) when men don’t want to date older women….

      Oh please. Older women want a prince: George Clooney or bust. They tell you that. They write that on this site. Given the current global shortage of affluent flawless soulmates, that’s effectively women choosing to stay single.

      1. 1091.1.1

        The question (which is related to the subject here) is will men give older women the same chance they’ll give to younger women for LTR? NO. Men want younger women, no matter how old they are. Period.

        Life’s unfair. Dating’s unfair. We gotta live with that.

        Stop saying women are shallow for not wanting to date short men when men are just as shallow for not wanting to date older women (other than for sex)

        1. Yet Another Guy


          Older as in much older than oneself?   Or older as in roughly same age when one is an older man?     I do not date women more than a year or two my senior.   I have almost nothing in common with women my own age let alone women my senior.   Most have children who have been launched for at least a decade, most often with children of their own.   My only children are in high school.

        2. CoreyN

          If LIFE IS UNFAIR, why waste efforts for gender equality?

          Another point: A lot of those older women, in their youthful days, HAD THEIR CHANCE. Hell, they had multiple chances! Many short men had/have next to no chances.

  12. 1092

    I think Sarkozy is soooo hot but not because I have a thing for short men. I don’t. For online dating, I’d be interested if in the profile the (short) man says he likes a tall statuesque woman in high heels. I want to wear my heels. I don’t want to wear flats. I’m sorry if I sound shallow, for me it’s about the shoes.

    1. 1092.1

      Stop projecting short are not the ones with the issue

    2. 1092.2

      I’m short and actually find high heels attractive and would love to meet a woman regardless of her height. I also find women much taller than me attractive so it isn’t an issue for me. Of course taller women are more likely than average height women to be unopen to short or average size men.

  13. 1093

    I came about this site searching for pointers on how a short man could change his misfortune with women. It is depressing to realize that I am destined to be alone just because God made me too unattractive. Are there countries or cultures where women are not so picky about height and the playing field is more level. I would rather find a woman in the United States but I’m learning that US women (and possibly all women worldwide) don’t want short men.

  14. 1094

    This will be a 1st for me, to chime in with all the interesting opinions on this topic of ” The Short Man “. And yes I am short. 5’2”. Bullied from childhood to present at age 49. Although at about 16 I would not stand for being bullied. Well , a couple times that was literally not standing. At 5’2″ I get it not only from women who only see height , and the suposedly “Top Dogs” , but also from what I think is the worst of the shallow end divers which is the commonly egotistical and sometimes narcicistic 5’4″-5’7″ ish adolesent males with real short man syndrome. I get it to , the closest to the top is always the first loser. That was a joke. For me I know I’m short, its a fact. To be tall is unattainable. But being kinda short ,& almost tall ?   Well that will really wear on a weak mind. Being short sucks, thats a fact. Fat people can diet, ugly people can have surgery & so on. My point is in the mind there is a way out to fantacize about, wether you physically do it or not. So yes I am sure lots of “shorties” like me are creepy, overbearing, very needy, bitter, or flat out obnoxious. Usually the taller shorties from my experience. My whole life I’ve been an underdog, and that gave me a bigger than life affalble, charismatic, and genuine personality. With the ability to rationalize the unrational, coupled with driven motivation with a deep desire to achieve everything I do to perfection for the feeling it gives me inside , not to beat others. I have had nothing handed to me, & plenty taken away. I beat bipolar depression down after it almost killed me. I hate to think that God has been preparing me for something, if so, I don’t think I wanna know yet. So short , tall , fat , ugly ,hot , whatever. You got good ones and bad ones. But I believe the most reliably strong minded, thoughtful, considerate, and most compassionate man you can find may very well be that 5’2″ shorty that got passed over for a date. Oh, and another 100% fact, do not believe the statistics about the male part lurking downstairs, that is a myth to. I had to look up scientific studies to actually believe I am above average on girth and length. I do appologize if that was descriptively offensive to anyone.                  Thats my opinion and personal story ,   the “SHORT” of it any way.

  15. 1095
    Dave B

    Wow, so I’m pretty much screwed then because I’m barely 5’2″.   I believe it too, I’ve been told so many times “I like you, but can’t date you, you’re too short.”, or “DAMN you’re short!” when women meet me for the first time, or the famous “I can’t even wear heels around you.” line of manure, like I would care if wearing heels made her 6′ tall.

    Guess unless I find a woman who is like 4’10” – 5′ even, I’m doomed lol.     Only women who ever seem to not have an issue with it are women who are much older than me.     I’m 39 and only seem to be getting a lot of women in the 47-54 age range showing interest in me, or women who are pretty big, not that I have any issue with it either (yes bigger women who present themselves well can be very sexy), but it seems a little odd.

    1. 1095.1

      Those women only want you because you are “the only option left”. Please be careful

  16. 1096
    Rita K

    I get so tired of seeing my granddaughter bend at the knees in photos, so her boyfriend appears taller. Not only is he short; this guy is bald and chubby. She is a beautiful girl who has everything going for her. He’s nice to her and lives at home with mom and dad. So not impressed

    1. 1096.1

      Yeah, I am tired of all these “average fit” guys with chubster gfs. Get out of here. I see plenty of tall guys who have NOTHING with beautiful gfs and women like you say nothing negative about that.

  17. 1097

    When I was younger, I was always attracted to taller men and I still am but I have to admit that their height is not the determining factor for me anymore. I’ve been in some pretty bad relationships that I honestly just preferred to stay single. Now as corny as it may sound….the heart of a man, his loyalty, his confidence, his ability to care for himself- financially, physically, emotionally are things that I look at because at my age I prefer someone I can share life with and enjoy it rather than trying to be a man’s momma or counselor. I don’t want to be supporting them financially and even emotionally…..I want to share life with a man not raise anymore kids. Oh and as a matter of fact the best sex I had ever was with a short man

  18. 1098

    28 year old woman here that always dated guys who were taller than me. It’s pretty easy because I’m 5’4. My boyfriend is also 5’4 and it’s literally the best thing ever! Our bodies fit together so perfectly and when we get to look in each others eyes and touch noses I melt. He is an amazing lover and I couldn’t be happier. Unfortunately I think women have formed bad opinions about short men because of conditioned ideals of what a good husband, lover, and successful man should look like. Also many women think bigger means stronger and that just not true, for either sex.

  19. 1099
    data is wonderful

    The idea that women are innately attracted to taller men (taller as in taller than them, not even just tall objectively) is empirically false.

    First of all, there is a decent percentage of women in our modern society that don’t care about height, and this is even with the heightism and descrimination that exists. Secondly, when we ACTUALLY ANALYZE hunter gatherer societies, women show NO PREFERENCE for taller males, and are just as likely to marry and mate with men shorter than them as taller than them. The women in these societies literally laughed at the idea that height would matter in a mate.


    Even more importantly, smaller men ARE BETTER HUNTERS than tall ones in these societies and have higher genetic fitness, so this evo-psych argument that women want tall men because they’re better hunters and protectors is EMPIRICALLY FALSE and therefore, if evolutionary psychology were actually accurate, women should prefer tiny men rather than large ones. This prejudiced idea that women want “superior genes” and that tall genes are “superior” is objectively false and nothing but the modern equivalent of phrenology.

    The actual reality of the situation is that we live in a racist, heightist prejudiced society that places tall height as better than short height, just like it places white skin as better than dark skin. Womens prejudice against short height (that’s what it is, it is not a preference for tall height) is 100% socially conditioned, just like racism, and women have a MORAL OBLIGATION to get over their descrimination, just like white people have a MORAL OBLIGATION to get over and end their racism.

    1 in 7 couples should feature a woman who is taller than the man, sometimes significantly so. And guess what? In societies where taller woman/smaller man is more common, women do not have as widespread a “preference” for male height – the level of preference is directly inverse to the rate of taller women shorter man couples (obviously). Any one saying short men should just date short girls is no different from a RACIST, saying that black people should only be with blacks or anything else as disgusting.

    Women are acting in a morally repugnant way and it is not up to men to shoulder it, it is required of women to end their blatant prejudice and descrimination.

    There is no excuse.

    1. 1099.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      I’m all for giving short guys a chance, but really? You’re saying that women should prefer short guys because of what happened in hunter-gatherer societies, but ignoring the fact that tall men make more money in today’s society. Your argument would be a lot more credible if you didn’t come out with guns blazing. You can make an argument that there is no NEED for women to prefer tall guys; you can’t make an argument that women DON’T prefer tall guys. Go online. Look at women’s search criteria. That’s what they prefer. That’s why guys lie about their height. To deny it is to deny reality. Good luck to you. You’ll have more of it if you take the chip off your shoulder.

      1. 1099.1.1

        @Evan Marc Katz,

        You missed the more pertinent point that attraction to taller men is not genetic/inherent.

    2. 1099.2
      Yet Another Guy


      I feel for you.   Evan is right.   The minimum viable male height on a dating site in the United States is 5’10”.   That is an inch taller than the average American man (women are much more selective on dating sites than they are in real life).   Men much shorter than 5’10” have to lie.   I am 5’11.5″ when measured in bare feet, and I routinely receive compliments about being taller than a woman expected.   The only way that that would happen would be if more than a few men are lying about their height.

      With that said, male height tends to be more important to women who are of average height or shorter than it is for taller women, at least in the United States.   I routinely meet women who are 5’10″+ who would date me.

      A lot of the problem that short men experience in dating is of their own making.   If a man carries himself like a little man, he will be treated like a little man.   Women can smell that on a man a mile away.   I used to work out with guys in the 5’5″ to 5’7″ height range who used to clean up with the ladies.   What did these guys have that other shorter than average height men lack?   They had confidence in spades.   They did not let their lack of height determine their future.   The professional bodybuilder Franco Columbo was 5’4″.   He competed against a 6’0.5″ Arnold Schwarzenegger (Arnold was never his listed 6’2″).   Franco never had a problem getting women.

      1. 1099.2.1

        @Yet Another Guy,

        “A lot of the problem that short men experience in dating is of their own making.   If a man carries himself like a little man, he will be treated like a little man”

        The data disagrees with you. The problems short men face are NOT of their own making.

  20. 1100

    I’m a 6ft. Asian (Korean) guy living in the States and I can say that being an Asian male is probably the worst thing ever when it comes to dating in America. Height and money won’t work at all if you’re East Asian (some Indians and South Asians have beautiful eyes and have more of Caucasian features among Indians) You can’t help looking a certain way with your exotic facial features that don’t seem attract women of a typical American background unless they grew up with lots of Asians around. An infamous double eyelid surgery won’t make you a drastically handsome either. To be honest, I’d rather be a White guy with dwarfism than being a 6ft. handsome Asian celebrity. You can call me crazy but am not joking, and I’m not even putting myself down. I’m proud of my ancestry, but this is the reality. Women of difference races don’t really care how much you make, how good-looking you’re if you’re Asian. I have a couple of friends who are dating white women, but they’re in the true minority.

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