If You Are Short, Fat, Older or An Asian Man, You Must Read This. But Especially If You’re Short.

short man with a tall woman
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If you’re a regular reader, you probably knew that I was on the CBS Early Show in July. Appearing with me was one of my all-time favorite clients, Tom Pandolfo. Charming, charismatic, successful, warm, athletic… Tom has it all. The only thing missing in his life is a woman. So, after hiring me as his dating coach, we set to work in rebranding him on Match.com.

We took new professional photos. We had Tom fill out my long questionnaire and submit to an hour of questions from me on the phone. We wrote two new profile essays that were unique, funny and confident. We renamed him “LookMaNoHair.”

And we watched as his in-box filled up with interested women.

You can see what a great experience it was in this CBS Early Show clip:

What I haven’t yet mentioned is that Tom Pandolfo is 5’3″.
I didn’t want to mention it for the same reason that Tom didn’t want to mention it in his profile: because it’s irrelevant to anything that makes him a good accountant, husband, or father. Yet his height defines him, since it has prevented otherwise interested women from being interested in him over the course of his entire life.

Height is irrelevant to anything that makes a man a good husband or father.

This instantly reminded me of a story that ABC did years ago on this very issue.

To see if the women would go for short guys who were successful, ABCNEWS’ Lynn Sherr created extraordinary résumés for the shorter men. She told the women that the shorter men included a doctor, a best-selling author, a champion skier, a venture capitalist who’d made millions by the age of 25.

Nothing worked. The women always chose the tall men. Sherr asked whether there’d be anything she could say that would make the shortest of the men, who was 5 feet, irresistible. One of the women replied, “Maybe the only thing you could say is that the other four are murderers.” Another backed her up, saying that had the taller men had a criminal record she might have been swayed to choose a shorter man. Another said she’d have considered the shorter men, if the taller men had been described as “child molesters.”

Lest you think this is an example of reality TV finding evidence to support a story, Tom tried his own experiment last week. Sure enough, few women give a fair shake to a man who is 5’3”, no matter what else he has going for him.

I’m going to let Tom take it from here.

So I tried changing my profile for three days just to see what the difference was between being 5’3″ and 5’10”.  I wanted to know if height was the only difference and the constant deal breaker.  So I moved my profile from Pittsburgh and posted it for 3 days in a town where nobody knew me (Philadelphia). Here’s what I found:

5’3” in Pittsburgh 5’10” in Philadelphia
Mutual matches 0 80
Reverse matches 12 400
Petite women w/pics w/in 50 miles 45 650
Views in 3 days 11 212
Emails received — unsolicited 0 32
Winks received — unsolicited 2 28
Emails sent out 6 6
Replies received to emails sent out 0 6

 

This proves, in stark and undeniable terms, two things:…

Life — and people — can be incredibly unfair. We talked about this just the other day. People want what they want. They’re attracted to what they’re attracted to. And no amount of complaining is going to change it.

Oh, and I am one helluva dating coach. 60 unsolicited contacts in three days? Six replies from six emails sent? Come on. That’s pretty damn good!

Okay, I’m kidding about the last part, but only because I’m so serious about the rest of this. Really, it kills me.

Why, in God’s name, is it important for women to stand on tiptoes to kiss a guy?

Believe me, Tom is no “woe-is-me” kind of guy. He’s just been confronted with a very ugly reality that has shaken his confidence in people. And even though we had good initial results, the fact remains, empirically: women don’t want short men.

And although you can feel free to substitute “older women”, “older men”, “heavier women”, or “Asian men”, I honestly feel that nobody gets a rawer deal than short guys.

Honestly, ladies…You can get your own dishes from the top shelf. You don’t really need to feel “protected” from the dangers of suburbia. And why, in God’s name, is it important to stand on your tiptoes to kiss a guy?

So how about it, women? Is there any legitimate reason not to go out with this amazing, amazing man?

Talk to me. I want to hear the truth.

Join our conversation (1,601 Comments).
Click Here To Leave Your Comment Below.

Comments:

  1. 1101
    Muirne

    I strongly prefer dating shorter men. I’m only 5’1″ and love the intimacy of being able to look directly into a man’s eyes, and love the spontaneity and passion that being able to kiss without stairs involved allows.

    My last boyfriend was 5’3″ which was a perfect height for me. I’ve actually turned down men over 6 feet tall solely because of their height as I’ve found that such a large height difference interferes with intimacy, which is what I am seeking.

    I had only one female friend, who is 5’6″, give me a hard time about my ex-boyfriend’s height and she swore she would never date a man who wasn’t at least 5’10” (she claimed she wanted to feel ‘secure’ and ‘feminine’ next to a man. I feel secure and feminine all by myself ;).

    Not three months later she was dating a man who was an inch shorter then she is after meeting him at her son’s school and falling for his personality and style.

    I know it’s much harder for shorter men to date, but please know that it is not impossible, especially offline, which is where many people still meet and fall in love. My friend and I both met our ‘short’ ex-boyfriends offline. Neither were online because they had become discouraged.

    However, I’m going back online in a month or two to resume the search for the love of my life, so all you shorter men need to go update your profiles ASAP!

    1. 1101.1
      CoreyN

      Great, so her friend was willing to date a shorter man only after becoming a single mom…such a stereotype 😒

  2. 1102
    Derek

    To all you ladies out there that wouldnt be with a man shorter than you I gotta say you don’t know what you are mising!!!     I am also   5’3″ tall,   150 lbs, and also bald man, and always keep whatever i got left shaved off!   But as I was saying, you don’t know what your missing because Us short men are the absoult best lovers imaginable!!!      Because we put in the extra effort and are willing to go that extra mile to be sure that our women are happy and completely satisfied in every way possible!!!   Mentally, emotionally, physically, and especially Sexualy!! I always make sure that my lady is completely and totally satisfied!! Not to mention gasping for breath, legs shaking, on the verge of going into convolsions, from the pleasure of   having back to back multiple orgazams!! I make sure I have completely satisfied her b4 Im finished!!     I get all my pleasure from pleasuring her!!!     I garentee after we finish, that you will say without a doubt, that the little short bald man was the best you ever had!!!   I can promise whatever im lacking compared to taller those taller men I make up in in effort and attention to details!!   So next time a short little bald man is checking you out somewhere, probably trying to build up the confedence to try to come over and talk to you, dont be so quick to give him the cold sholder, and see what you’ve been missing this whole time!!!   Because it won’t even matter how much you are standing over him if he sweeps you off your feet!!! 😉

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    1. 1102.1
      CoreyN

      Failed to cope  

  3. 1103
    KNF5

    This whole thread seems like a forum for short guys to complain that women don’t find them attractive ,

    From every thing I’ve read on the matter , its built into their DNA to think that way , so its not their fault and they shouldn’t be blamed as such , I my self do not find fat, small breasted or flat bottomed women attractive and I wouldnt date one   ,

    To all the short guys on this site complaining , maybe your going to have to lower your standards

  4. 1104
    Rubinator

    Women are just way TOO picky! Even the shorter heavier and less attractive ones want a tall guy with abs and tattoos! Trust me on this I’m 44 and have met many women in my life!

    1. 1104.1
      No Name To Give

      Rubinator, it’s a waste of time to be mad at people for their personal preferences. Some have the self awareness to know they can’t get what they want and some don’t. Some are perfectly content with what they are capable of getting. You can’t change folk.   Before you accuse me of wanting what’s out of my league, we all do, but I know I can’t get it and I don’t date anyway. So I have no dog in the hunt.

      1. 1104.1.1
        Cathalei

        There are personal preferences and there is the attitude about it. Many of those who flaunt their “personal preferences” for everyone to see lack self-awareness and decorum to be mad at others for simply having their own. For the note, I have my own personal preferences too. But I don’t feel the need to shut down anyone for it, I simply filter them out when I want to date. The question “what would they like on me” would do great benefit to many.

        1. No Name To Give

          More power to you. You do you.

  5. 1105
    Kai

    Stupid publicity and fashion. It’s the same as refusing people because of their color of the skin or hair, body frame, nationality…it’s all discrimination and it’s evil. We don’t need lifts for shorter people, we need to lift the conscience of our frivolous and shallow society.

  6. 1106
    Michale C.

    “To all the short guys on this site complaining , maybe your going to have to lower your standards”

    Actually, avoiding a racist, discriminatory or judgmental person, in favor of a more evolved, sympathetic,non-judgmental person, can hardly be seen as “lowering” standards but…as a huge improvement.

  7. 1107
    Mina Harker

    I feel like in matters of dating/relationships (and so many other matters, politics, life in general.. ) we are too quick to assume that almost any state of affairs must be attributable to to something akin to ‘evolution’ or nature. This is certainly one area where I myself am guilty of this charge. To the extent I’d thought about it I had reflexively assumed that womens attraction to men who are outliers as regards height just MUST be some evolutionary-psychological remnant. It’s just so intuitive; even womens comments about feeling protected and feminine in the company of taller men fits the scenario.

    I can’t currently hit the reply button on this browser I’m using, but if you go back a page and read comment number 1099, there’s an absolutely fascinating study referenced that shows, in anthropological terms, ‘heightism’ is formed via similar mechanisms of cultural coercion as more familiar prejudices such as sexism and racism. I feel like this should be much more widely known. It’s always good to find out that we are not always beholden to our mammalian heritage; whether this is to challenged/replaced by individual free will or some other culturally constructed norm, I don’t know, but it’s at least a suggestion of freedom from genetic destiny, which is surely something to celebrate.

  8. 1108
    JennG

    Not sure how old this post is, so sorry if I am late to the debate. I understand that men cannot change their height but they can change their attitude about it. I am petite myself, I don’t need to feel “dainty.” I gave dated my fair share of men of all heights; and, I have found that the shorter the man in *most* cases (Not all) the guy has a need to “make-up” for his height in many unattractive ways. Usually with machismo, controlling behavior, spending on “toys” (cars, things). And then the bad attitudes – my brother is 6’5″ and Every Single One of my shorter boyfriends tried to “fight” him. It’s unattractive.

    I have given short guys a chance. Numerous times. But at 40 and being single for 10 years to boot, I’m tired of putting up with this behavior. That doesn’t mean I won’t still go out on dates with shorter men, I do. But if they display these behaviors early on, they’re gone.

    Now as a PERSONAL preference. As a woman who is naturally dainty, if I feel actually physically stronger than the dude…. it’s actually a huge turnoff. Sorry. If that puts me in the same box as men who don’t like “chunky monkeys,” then so be it.

    1. 1108.1
      CoreyN

      You tell such lies to try and justify your prejudice. Try again!

  9. 1109
    Jen

    I’m a woman, six feet tall with an average body type. If I had limited my choices in the dating world to only those men who were taller or physically larger than me, I’d not only be ashamed, but I’d also have missed out on meeting many amazing men.
    I’m currently dating a man who is 5′ 7″. He is not just shorter than me, he is also a much smaller person. It doesn’t make a difference to either of us. In the beginning, he told me he liked my curves, and I told him that I loved his body. It’s true.
    He has a lot of personality. He’s charming, sincere, very gentle with me, he’s funny, and smart. He treats me very well. I would marry him in a second if he asked me; he’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a man.
    I also find him extremely attractive. He lamets some physical attritbutes, but I think he’s perfect for me. I can easily over look some skin blemishes. Perhaps it’s because he’s European that our size differences do not matter to him. Regardless, I feel that as one matures in life it becomes more apparent that physical preferences mean less overall when it comes to a life-long pairing.

  10. 1110
    Will

    Everyone deserves their own preferences but what I don’t get is how so many women screw over the tall, rich, handsome athlete who has it all. Even if the guy isn’t rich I still see them getting played by women. Is height just a prerequisite to get in the door then everything else follows after? For the feminists who shout on top of their lungs about how strong they are but yet when it comes to mating they still go big tall dominant men physically and financially. I’m not saying short men don’t have some of these attributes or that these women should settle for short guys. I just see ironically odd choices they make when it comes to certain things and it leads me to become curious as to what is going on in their minds psychologically. Is there some switch in their brains that makes them want to go for artificial beliefs then switch back to biology when ever they want?

  11. 1111
    Sarah

    I dated a short man for 6 years and he turned out to be an egotistical, manipulative user who broke my heart. Never again will I date a short man.

    1. 1111.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      Yep, that represents pretty much all of them. Better hope that your next prospect doesn’t have a bitter Sarah in his past. Would be a shame for him to judge you for her flaws.

  12. 1112
    Keith Patti

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QdPe8OkWmt4&t=939s

    This is a YouTube video from Tanis Moore, aka “The Prim Reaper”, who is a mental health counselor in Canada. She added this segment to her YouTube blog after the murders in Toronto 2 years ago attributed to an angry “incel”, incel being the portmanteau for involuntary celibate men. This is an unpopular opinion video in that she discusses why empathy works better than criticism for men who don’t have the same fortune that other men do in attracting women. @15:38 in particular she begins describing what the likely circumstances were for an incel growing up and, speaking for myself, she was pretty accurate in describing mine and I’m sure a lot of other men on this thread can relate to that. The most relevant is how she describes an incel’s physical development

    “[You may not have had the best nutrition growing up so you may end up being a little chubby or funny-looking so while everyone else is blossoming into adulthood you’re stuck a year or two behind. People decide this makes you an easy target for bullying so forget high school romances: you’re lucky if you can get through a day without being tripped in the hallway. This makes it tough for you to do well in school and you graduate with C average and with no career training prospects you settle for a packing job in a warehouse].”

    I’m speaking directly to Mr. Katz here: Sir, please watch this video because she truly nails it on the head when she says toward the end “[Responding to hate with more hate rarely solves anything]”. I know that you’re very positive in your coaching, however, when I spoke to you once on Facebook it seemed to me like you’re rather dogmatic in addressing male involuntary celibacy. I would agree with Mrs. Moore than incels aren’t these innocent people who have done anything wrong and ought to be coddled but when we dismiss their pain with “[Being bitter won’t solve anything]” or some variation of positivity, well, that’s not really solving anything at least in my opinion. Having some compassion for men who can’t find women is probably just a little more effective than placing the entire blame on those men. I wish we’d realize that most entertainment has historically portrayed women as the sexually frustrated just waiting for her “prince” when, we’re honest about it, that’s not really, at all, real life. There are plenty of women reject man after man after man until she finds one she “clicks” with meanwhile those rejected men really have no other recourse than to be very hurt and frustrated. I’m not saying we should dole out women, that’s absurd, but it would be nice if involuntary celibacy was seen as a legitimate and valid social problem both in terms of society and of one’s psychological and, yes, even physiological well being.

    I think one step is promoting counseling specializations in Singles Therapy like MFT so that we have specially trained counselors for single people; I think there should be a day out of the year that celebrates being single like Valentine’s Day, too. They’re just ideas to convey to society that not everyone gets to participate in this thing called love and, maybe this will be something you debate, but when you look at statistics, it is what it is: there are plenty of men to choose from but they’re not getting chosen.

  13. 1113
    sally sayre

    I am a 5’1″ female and I was married to a big guy
    ..6′ and 180 lbs. After my divorce I dated several men and I absolutely loved it when I met a guy who was my height. I have no need to feel like a tall guy is going to protect me from…..?????? My relationship with this person ultimately did not work out but it certainly was not because of his height. I say bring on the really nice, fun, socially adept, and adventurous short guys!!

  14. 1114
    Mike

    Being a short 5’5″ fit 150lb fit straight man I have two points

    I will take my 40+ IQ points above average and resulting top 10% income earners over an extra six inches any day

    And that’s poiny 2
    .Naked .Y average 6″ or is look great compared to a 6′ man with an average let alone less than average sized penis.

    Sex is better when you can do literally every position and equal height makes 69 effortless.

    Bruce Lee would be a better lover than Manic Johnson just saying and could kick his ass

  15. 1115
    Billy

    I have a thing to tell all the men and women here

    For men – Nature has hardwired women to want taller men. But it can be compensated to some extent. However, blaming women for their preference is unfair. Also remember, sometimes women use your height to turn you down for other reasons. You may not be enough or compatible as a complete package and she pins it on height.

    For Women – You want us to tell you a lie when you ask if a certain dress makes you look fat, and you can’t stand being called fat even when you can control it, but you come across like a Nazi when many of you say “I am 5”8″ in heels, you better be over 6 feet” in your dating profiles. Imagine a man writing on his profile that he would only date women who are under x pounds/BMI.

  16. 1116
    Billy

    Mike, you don’t seem to have the IQ you claim. It is not about who is the better lover, it is who a woman wants to love

  17. 1117
    A dude

    The fact is the fact we are all caveman and wemon and we are all lying am 5,3 and if it wasn’t for mt height i would be swimming in pussy like my best friends and brother who are both 6,1-2 i cant get a wife sex or anything to do with relationship that part of my life is over dead finished…. Career making alot of money ahha you kidden maybe if am lucky.. So all i have is a peaceful life that’s all i get.. Being short is like being ughly it’s unfair.. But there nothing we can do about it if you want to point a finger on the moral issues blame females there petty emotional children who are damn right delusional.. So us guy better take care of them because they ain’t gonna do it themselves… There cursed with being absolutely useless they will never become famous or powerful.. They will always be seen as lesser that’s there curse but they don’t relise they get to do the most important job of all pass on to the next generation.

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