If You Are Short, Fat, Older or An Asian Man, You Must Read This. But Especially If You’re Short.


If you’re a regular reader, you probably knew that I was on the CBS Early Show in July. Appearing with me was one of my all-time favorite clients, Tom Pandolfo. Charming, charismatic, successful, warm, athletic… Tom has it all. The only thing missing in his life is a woman. So, after hiring me as his dating coach, we set to work in rebranding him on Match.com.

We took new professional photos. We had Tom fill out my long questionnaire and submit to an hour of questions from me on the phone. We wrote two new profile essays that were unique, funny and confident. We renamed him “LookMaNoHair.”

And we watched as his in-box filled up with interested women.

You can see what a great experience it was in this CBS Early Show clip:

What I haven’t yet mentioned is that Tom Pandolfo is 5’3″.
I didn’t want to mention it for the same reason that Tom didn’t want to mention it in his profile: because it’s irrelevant to anything that makes him a good accountant, husband, or father. Yet his height defines him, since it has prevented otherwise interested women from being interested in him over the course of his entire life.

Height is irrelevant to anything that makes a man a good husband or father.

This instantly reminded me of a story that ABC did years ago on this very issue.

To see if the women would go for short guys who were successful, ABCNEWS’ Lynn Sherr created extraordinary résumés for the shorter men. She told the women that the shorter men included a doctor, a best-selling author, a champion skier, a venture capitalist who’d made millions by the age of 25.

Nothing worked. The women always chose the tall men. Sherr asked whether there’d be anything she could say that would make the shortest of the men, who was 5 feet, irresistible. One of the women replied, “Maybe the only thing you could say is that the other four are murderers.” Another backed her up, saying that had the taller men had a criminal record she might have been swayed to choose a shorter man. Another said she’d have considered the shorter men, if the taller men had been described as “child molesters.”

Lest you think this is an example of reality TV finding evidence to support a story, Tom tried his own experiment last week. Sure enough, few women give a fair shake to a man who is 5’3”, no matter what else he has going for him.

I’m going to let Tom take it from here.

So I tried changing my profile for three days just to see what the difference was between being 5’3″ and 5’10”.  I wanted to know if height was the only difference and the constant deal breaker.  So I moved my profile from Pittsburgh and posted it for 3 days in a town where nobody knew me (Philadelphia). Here’s what I found:

5’3” in Pittsburgh5’10” in Philadelphia
Mutual matches080
Reverse matches12400
Petite women w/pics w/in 50 miles45650
Views in 3 days11212
Emails received — unsolicited032
Winks received — unsolicited228
Emails sent out66
Replies received to emails sent out06


This proves, in stark and undeniable terms, two things:…

Life — and people — can be incredibly unfair. We talked about this just the other day. People want what they want. They’re attracted to what they’re attracted to. And no amount of complaining is going to change it.

Oh, and I am one helluva dating coach. 60 unsolicited contacts in three days? Six replies from six emails sent? Come on. That’s pretty damn good!

Okay, I’m kidding about the last part, but only because I’m so serious about the rest of this. Really, it kills me.

Why, in God’s name, is it important for women to stand on tiptoes to kiss a guy?

Believe me, Tom is no “woe-is-me” kind of guy. He’s just been confronted with a very ugly reality that has shaken his confidence in people. And even though we had good initial results, the fact remains, empirically: women don’t want short men.

And although you can feel free to substitute “older women”, “older men”, “heavier women”, or “Asian men”, I honestly feel that nobody gets a rawer deal than short guys.

Honestly, ladies…You can get your own dishes from the top shelf. You don’t really need to feel “protected” from the dangers of suburbia. And why, in God’s name, is it important to stand on your tiptoes to kiss a guy?

So how about it, women? Is there any legitimate reason not to go out with this amazing, amazing man?

Talk to me. I want to hear the truth.

Join our conversation (1,584 Comments).
Click Here To Leave Your Comment Below.


  1. 1101

    I strongly prefer dating shorter men. I’m only 5’1″ and love the intimacy of being able to look directly into a man’s eyes, and love the spontaneity and passion that being able to kiss without stairs involved allows.

    My last boyfriend was 5’3″ which was a perfect height for me. I’ve actually turned down men over 6 feet tall solely because of their height as I’ve found that such a large height difference interferes with intimacy, which is what I am seeking.

    I had only one female friend, who is 5’6″, give me a hard time about my ex-boyfriend’s height and she swore she would never date a man who wasn’t at least 5’10” (she claimed she wanted to feel ‘secure’ and ‘feminine’ next to a man. I feel secure and feminine all by myself ;).

    Not three months later she was dating a man who was an inch shorter then she is after meeting him at her son’s school and falling for his personality and style.

    I know it’s much harder for shorter men to date, but please know that it is not impossible, especially offline, which is where many people still meet and fall in love. My friend and I both met our ‘short’ ex-boyfriends offline. Neither were online because they had become discouraged.

    However, I’m going back online in a month or two to resume the search for the love of my life, so all you shorter men need to go update your profiles ASAP!

    1. 1101.1

      Great, so her friend was willing to date a shorter man only after becoming a single mom…such a stereotype 😒

  2. 1102

    To all you ladies out there that wouldnt be with a man shorter than you I gotta say you don’t know what you are mising!!!     I am also   5’3″ tall,   150 lbs, and also bald man, and always keep whatever i got left shaved off!   But as I was saying, you don’t know what your missing because Us short men are the absoult best lovers imaginable!!!      Because we put in the extra effort and are willing to go that extra mile to be sure that our women are happy and completely satisfied in every way possible!!!   Mentally, emotionally, physically, and especially Sexualy!! I always make sure that my lady is completely and totally satisfied!! Not to mention gasping for breath, legs shaking, on the verge of going into convolsions, from the pleasure of   having back to back multiple orgazams!! I make sure I have completely satisfied her b4 Im finished!!     I get all my pleasure from pleasuring her!!!     I garentee after we finish, that you will say without a doubt, that the little short bald man was the best you ever had!!!   I can promise whatever im lacking compared to taller those taller men I make up in in effort and attention to details!!   So next time a short little bald man is checking you out somewhere, probably trying to build up the confedence to try to come over and talk to you, dont be so quick to give him the cold sholder, and see what you’ve been missing this whole time!!!   Because it won’t even matter how much you are standing over him if he sweeps you off your feet!!! 😉








    1. 1102.1

      Failed to cope  

  3. 1103

    This whole thread seems like a forum for short guys to complain that women don’t find them attractive ,

    From every thing I’ve read on the matter , its built into their DNA to think that way , so its not their fault and they shouldn’t be blamed as such , I my self do not find fat, small breasted or flat bottomed women attractive and I wouldnt date one   ,

    To all the short guys on this site complaining , maybe your going to have to lower your standards

  4. 1104

    Women are just way TOO picky! Even the shorter heavier and less attractive ones want a tall guy with abs and tattoos! Trust me on this I’m 44 and have met many women in my life!

    1. 1104.1
      No Name To Give

      Rubinator, it’s a waste of time to be mad at people for their personal preferences. Some have the self awareness to know they can’t get what they want and some don’t. Some are perfectly content with what they are capable of getting. You can’t change folk.   Before you accuse me of wanting what’s out of my league, we all do, but I know I can’t get it and I don’t date anyway. So I have no dog in the hunt.

      1. 1104.1.1

        There are personal preferences and there is the attitude about it. Many of those who flaunt their “personal preferences” for everyone to see lack self-awareness and decorum to be mad at others for simply having their own. For the note, I have my own personal preferences too. But I don’t feel the need to shut down anyone for it, I simply filter them out when I want to date. The question “what would they like on me” would do great benefit to many.

        1. No Name To Give

          More power to you. You do you.

  5. 1105

    Stupid publicity and fashion. It’s the same as refusing people because of their color of the skin or hair, body frame, nationality…it’s all discrimination and it’s evil. We don’t need lifts for shorter people, we need to lift the conscience of our frivolous and shallow society.

  6. 1106
    Michale C.

    “To all the short guys on this site complaining , maybe your going to have to lower your standards”

    Actually, avoiding a racist, discriminatory or judgmental person, in favor of a more evolved, sympathetic,non-judgmental person, can hardly be seen as “lowering” standards but…as a huge improvement.

  7. 1107
    Mina Harker

    I feel like in matters of dating/relationships (and so many other matters, politics, life in general.. ) we are too quick to assume that almost any state of affairs must be attributable to to something akin to ‘evolution’ or nature. This is certainly one area where I myself am guilty of this charge. To the extent I’d thought about it I had reflexively assumed that womens attraction to men who are outliers as regards height just MUST be some evolutionary-psychological remnant. It’s just so intuitive; even womens comments about feeling protected and feminine in the company of taller men fits the scenario.

    I can’t currently hit the reply button on this browser I’m using, but if you go back a page and read comment number 1099, there’s an absolutely fascinating study referenced that shows, in anthropological terms, ‘heightism’ is formed via similar mechanisms of cultural coercion as more familiar prejudices such as sexism and racism. I feel like this should be much more widely known. It’s always good to find out that we are not always beholden to our mammalian heritage; whether this is to challenged/replaced by individual free will or some other culturally constructed norm, I don’t know, but it’s at least a suggestion of freedom from genetic destiny, which is surely something to celebrate.

  8. 1108

    Not sure how old this post is, so sorry if I am late to the debate. I understand that men cannot change their height but they can change their attitude about it. I am petite myself, I don’t need to feel “dainty.” I gave dated my fair share of men of all heights; and, I have found that the shorter the man in *most* cases (Not all) the guy has a need to “make-up” for his height in many unattractive ways. Usually with machismo, controlling behavior, spending on “toys” (cars, things). And then the bad attitudes – my brother is 6’5″ and Every Single One of my shorter boyfriends tried to “fight” him. It’s unattractive.

    I have given short guys a chance. Numerous times. But at 40 and being single for 10 years to boot, I’m tired of putting up with this behavior. That doesn’t mean I won’t still go out on dates with shorter men, I do. But if they display these behaviors early on, they’re gone.

    Now as a PERSONAL preference. As a woman who is naturally dainty, if I feel actually physically stronger than the dude…. it’s actually a huge turnoff. Sorry. If that puts me in the same box as men who don’t like “chunky monkeys,” then so be it.

    1. 1108.1

      You tell such lies to try and justify your prejudice. Try again!

  9. 1109

    I’m a woman, six feet tall with an average body type. If I had limited my choices in the dating world to only those men who were taller or physically larger than me, I’d not only be ashamed, but I’d also have missed out on meeting many amazing men.
    I’m currently dating a man who is 5′ 7″. He is not just shorter than me, he is also a much smaller person. It doesn’t make a difference to either of us. In the beginning, he told me he liked my curves, and I told him that I loved his body. It’s true.
    He has a lot of personality. He’s charming, sincere, very gentle with me, he’s funny, and smart. He treats me very well. I would marry him in a second if he asked me; he’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a man.
    I also find him extremely attractive. He lamets some physical attritbutes, but I think he’s perfect for me. I can easily over look some skin blemishes. Perhaps it’s because he’s European that our size differences do not matter to him. Regardless, I feel that as one matures in life it becomes more apparent that physical preferences mean less overall when it comes to a life-long pairing.

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