If You Are Short, Fat, Older or An Asian Man, You Must Read This. But Especially If You’re Short.

short man with a tall woman

If you’re a regular reader, you probably knew that I was on the CBS Early Show in July. Appearing with me was one of my all-time favorite clients, Tom Pandolfo. Charming, charismatic, successful, warm, athletic… Tom has it all. The only thing missing in his life is a woman. So, after hiring me as his dating coach, we set to work in rebranding him on Match.com.

We took new professional photos. We had Tom fill out my long questionnaire and submit to an hour of questions from me on the phone. We wrote two new profile essays that were unique, funny and confident. We renamed him “LookMaNoHair.”

And we watched as his in-box filled up with interested women.

You can see what a great experience it was in this CBS Early Show clip:

What I haven’t yet mentioned is that Tom Pandolfo is 5’3″.
I didn’t want to mention it for the same reason that Tom didn’t want to mention it in his profile: because it’s irrelevant to anything that makes him a good accountant, husband, or father. Yet his height defines him, since it has prevented otherwise interested women from being interested in him over the course of his entire life.

Height is irrelevant to anything that makes a man a good husband or father.

This instantly reminded me of a story that ABC did years ago on this very issue.

To see if the women would go for short guys who were successful, ABCNEWS’ Lynn Sherr created extraordinary résumés for the shorter men. She told the women that the shorter men included a doctor, a best-selling author, a champion skier, a venture capitalist who’d made millions by the age of 25.

Nothing worked. The women always chose the tall men. Sherr asked whether there’d be anything she could say that would make the shortest of the men, who was 5 feet, irresistible. One of the women replied, “Maybe the only thing you could say is that the other four are murderers.” Another backed her up, saying that had the taller men had a criminal record she might have been swayed to choose a shorter man. Another said she’d have considered the shorter men, if the taller men had been described as “child molesters.”

Lest you think this is an example of reality TV finding evidence to support a story, Tom tried his own experiment last week. Sure enough, few women give a fair shake to a man who is 5’3”, no matter what else he has going for him.

I’m going to let Tom take it from here.

So I tried changing my profile for three days just to see what the difference was between being 5’3″ and 5’10”.  I wanted to know if height was the only difference and the constant deal breaker.  So I moved my profile from Pittsburgh and posted it for 3 days in a town where nobody knew me (Philadelphia). Here’s what I found:

5’3” in Pittsburgh 5’10” in Philadelphia
Mutual matches 0 80
Reverse matches 12 400
Petite women w/pics w/in 50 miles 45 650
Views in 3 days 11 212
Emails received — unsolicited 0 32
Winks received — unsolicited 2 28
Emails sent out 6 6
Replies received to emails sent out 0 6


This proves, in stark and undeniable terms, two things:…

Life — and people — can be incredibly unfair. We talked about this just the other day. People want what they want. They’re attracted to what they’re attracted to. And no amount of complaining is going to change it.

Oh, and I am one helluva dating coach. 60 unsolicited contacts in three days? Six replies from six emails sent? Come on. That’s pretty damn good!

Okay, I’m kidding about the last part, but only because I’m so serious about the rest of this. Really, it kills me.

Why, in God’s name, is it important for women to stand on tiptoes to kiss a guy?

Believe me, Tom is no “woe-is-me” kind of guy. He’s just been confronted with a very ugly reality that has shaken his confidence in people. And even though we had good initial results, the fact remains, empirically: women don’t want short men.

And although you can feel free to substitute “older women”, “older men”, “heavier women”, or “Asian men”, I honestly feel that nobody gets a rawer deal than short guys.

Honestly, ladies…You can get your own dishes from the top shelf. You don’t really need to feel “protected” from the dangers of suburbia. And why, in God’s name, is it important to stand on your tiptoes to kiss a guy?

So how about it, women? Is there any legitimate reason not to go out with this amazing, amazing man?

Talk to me. I want to hear the truth.

Join our conversation (1,613 Comments).
Click Here To Leave Your Comment Below.


  1. 1121

    Tell your best friend that her opinions are not being considered unless they’re asked for.

  2. 1122

    I have forgotten all about this site and article. I recalled reading this years ago. I may have posted my comment and I seem can’t find it because it has been a long time ago.

    First of all, I am 5′ 2.5″ (yes, there is such half inch or quarter inch or 3/4th.) and I am bit overweight but not much.

    Dating is tough, I tell ya. I noticed women prefer tall, dark, handsome, and all. the garbage. Sure we guys want that beautiful woman like we saw on Miss America, or Universe, or on TV or in the movies.. We all have crushes. But you have to have reality. please do not use deal breaker such as height requirement or the looks.. let me tell you a story….True one.

    It was matter of less than a month away from HS graduation, I was in a very small class in this public HS. OK, 3 of us in class. A girl to my right broke down and cried. I didn’t see her crying because I am blind in my right eye. And the teacher said, “OK OK. Stop class. Let’s talk..” The girl was crying because she wanted a real handsome tall guy to be husband as it is her dreams. But she was crying because a boy in our school had a crush on her for 6 years. Yes, since 6th Grade. That would be 12 years old! Haha. Of course, that boy who had crush on her is six feet even (he told me), and she is 4′ 10″ “Half-Pint” which is her nickname. That boy was not handsome. Very ruggy outdoorsy guy who loves to race motorcycles and camping. She’s a preppy girl. Upper Middle class nose held high type of girl. The girl broke down because of all those years trying to resist that kind of guy. The teacher then said.. “Listen everyone, you can have someone who is so handsome on the outside but ugly inside or you can have someone ugly on the outside but sweet inside but you cannot have both.” The bell rang.. and then she said to me, “You are a rose to the ladies and they are thorns.” Anyway, next few days I saw that tall boy who has that crush on the girl and he was upset at the girl’s answer then I said to him when I saw how he react. “Hey, you are not going to beat the crap on her! If you are going to punch her, PUNCH ME FIRST! ” He gasped because I am 5′ 2.5″ and he is six feet even. I told him to talk to her about how you feel, not the punch. Ask her out!” He never punched me and he gasped and understood. He did have that talk I told him to do so. and they ended up dating six more years and then they got married, they have 3 kids. I understood my teacher by the meaning I am the rose. I am a good guy and women can be thorny… She was right, I went through all kinds of rejections. Ok, yes, height is one subject but also my gray hair at age 18, Deaf… blind in one eye.. I could go on and on. I have thorns. I thanks Mrs. M for this advice. Funny I did not want to date “Half-Pint” I was not attractive to her considering she is shorter than me. I had a few crushes on the girls my height AND TALLER but I never could date them at all. None! No wonder like the real physical rose that it s thorny that you could cut yourself.. I am tough. I am untouchable. Mrs. M was correct and I have tried to date gorgeous women and even tall. not worth it. They even caused a lot of trouble for me. Dated my height.. even married one my height but she really did want taller. and she is larger than me. Our marriage failed and divorce because SHE was very demanding, very lazy. and those issues that she really harmed our marriage. All I have are lousy ones.

    Then I discovered in past few years.. Asian women from overseas, they would not care about height and age. shorter, more beautiful, and they have more respect. I wish I knew this 30 years ago and save me a a headache by going overseas and find my bride before the internet age. Short guys, maybe you should look into Asian women. They are not judgmental nope. They are sweet! Next year, I am flying out there and meet them. Stay tuned.

  3. 1123

    For a woman it is nice to have a partner abit taller than you. What i find is a a woman 4’10 and a man over 6’0. It doesnt seem normal it looks like a dad taking his daughter out. Sorry if this stiffs the short woman. It just looks ludicrus. Take me i am a woman 4’10 my husband is 5’5 now that i can handle.I remember being at school and a short girl said i aint marrying a short man cause i dont want short kids. Well sorry to say it dont work that way as i have seen her and her husband is 5’9 and she is 4’11 well her childrenare not giants and i see that her daughter is taller than her and her son is slightly taller than her.both are in their 20’s so not gonna grow anymore. Whereas in my case i have a daughter her adult height is 5’3 and our son 5’6. So my children are taller than hers.Never mind…

  4. 1124

    All i would like to say is if you have short children dont put them in a gym club.My daughter was short she was coming to the end of primaryyears she was asked if she wanted to join the gymnastics in secondary school. For some reason she was 4’8 and 11 yrs old and growing very slowly. Now she was excellent at it apparently to be a gymnast they like short people. She won quite a few medals like her friends.There are a few boys that are in the club as well. Now when she started gymnastics she was 4’7 her sister who was 3 yrs old and she was 5’1. All through the time she did 5 yrs and during this time she onlly grew to 4’10. The same with the rest of the children all the girls stayed at under 5’0 The tallest being 4’11 . The boys there were 4 of them and 2 stayed at 5’0 and the other 2 5’2. The shortest was a chinese girl and for some reason she is now 4’9. After they all stoped gymnastics they were all 16 and none of them grew anymore. I looked into their height problems and it turned out doing gymnastics possibly stunted all their growth.For the girls it isnt too bad but i dont think they would have been thi short if they didnt do gymnastics.I am sure that the woman in charge could have told us. I mean the poor chinese girl was treated horrible at school with being so short. Same as for the short boys i dont think they would have done it if they knew. I suppose we all live and learn.

  5. 1125

    I dont mind being short i am 5’0 a woman and just left school.I went to prom and picked a nice guy. His name was Paul and he is only 5’3 he is just like his mother.They look like a pair of bookends.Even his father is 5’5.So all his siblings are short.It is just Paul was the shortest. I had to get my dress altered so it looked good same as Paul his trousers were altered as well. On the prom night i wore heels taking me up to the same height as Paul. I didnt want our photos looking silly. We have still stayed friends going through college together and now Uni. Both my parents are 5’6 so i dont know what happened to me apart from having my grandfather was only 5’0.I have noticed now he is in his 60’s he seems about 2 ins shorter. I know so because our eyes were always level.Whwn i last saw him i asked him why he seemed shorter than me. I was told he as started to lose some of his height he noticed it when he came up abit shorter than my grandmother. The doctor told him he was 4’10 and to expect to lose more he was told you can lose in excess 0f 4 ins. He loves to cuddle all his grandchildren especially the shorter ones We do have a nephew who is under 5’0 but he may grow some more as he is only 14. I remember while growing up he used to always want people to sit when they spoke as it found it akward looking upward just to talk to them. I just love him so much and realy hope he doesnt lose too much height.

  6. 1126
    hueng son hoo

    Hi my name is hueng son hoo surprisingly i came from China to u.k. My time at school was not nice sometimes.especially with taller boys there. I was told that i am asian what do you expect to be tall. I understand that in China most of the population are short.It used to be very rare seeing a tall man. I made up for short height and ended up being the best pupil at school. I had a few friends 2 were indian and another Chinese. I never did any sports because i could keep up. When i left school ,my height was 4’10. i was on of the shortest boys. When i left schhol nothing could stop me i ended up in a decent job even having to tell people what to do. All i can say is that dont let anyone put you down because nothing should stop you getting on..

  7. 1127

    My guy is 5’3″ Asian and buff as hell. Great cook, great in bed, plus confidant with a great attitude. Who cares how tall he is.

  8. 1128
    Colin Costigan

    Wow! I’m glad you think your experience is the norm!

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