Do You Think That You Deserve to Find Love Because You’re a Great Catch?

Do you think that you deserve to find love because you’re a great catch?

Please respond in the comments below.

http://www.findingtheoneonline.com/

Talk to you soon!

Evan

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Comments:

  1. 1
    April

    I don’t think the words “deserve” and “(romantic) love” should ever go together in the same sentence.

    On a related note, I also find that people who consider themselves to be a “great catch” tend to be jerks with an overblown sense of entitlement. But maybe that’s just been my experience.

  2. 2
    Bryan

    I don’t think I deserve love because I’m a great catch. But it is definitely the most cited consolation for people who want to tell me something encouraging. I’m not sure whether it does more harm than good because if I’m such a great catch, then why hasn’t anyone caught me (or why haven’t I caught someone?) So it puts a little doubt in the picture despite knowing cognitively that whether someone is attracted to me or not may have more to do with them than it does me.

  3. 3
    Cilla

    I think just about everybody deserves love. Like beauty, being a great catch is in the eye of the beholder. If a 40-something man wants to have kids, I’m off his list. But if he is looking for someone who is almost an empty nester, I look better. The same thing goes for geographic location, education, interests, etc. To someone from Minnesota who likes beer and bowling, I’m sure I’m not remotely interesting (I hate snow, drink wine, and wouldn’t risk my manicure by hurling a bowling ball). But if I guy is into jazz, European travel, and sailing, I’m suddenly a great catch again. And of course, there are all the other elements of chemistry like appearance, humor, etc. Hard to believe, but there are some men who don’t find my acerbic tone amusing. But on Millionaire Match I had one potential suitor declaring his love for me after an emailed sarcasm throw down. One man’s junk is another man’s treasure. It’s a matter of finding someone who thinks you are a treasure…

  4. 4
    JuJu

    Yeah, I agree with April, you can’t *deserve* love, it sounds as if you are supposed to earn it somehow.

  5. 5
    Evan Marc Katz

    For what it’s worth, I think far too many people coast on their “credentials” and think that if they’re nice, smart, decent-looking and kind, that they “deserve” love. Like it’s some sort of meritocracy, where the most impressive people should get better mates. It’s not.

    You get what you give. And many “catches” think that they should just receive love from the universe.

    Look around. That’s not quite how it works.

  6. 6
    A-L

    I don’t think that I deserve love, per se. However, there are times that I wonder why I can’t find someone when I am nice, smart, decent-looking, and kind and am giving in a relationship (but am not a doormat) while some people who are pushy, crass, negative, etc can.

  7. 7
    Kenley

    Evan,

    I am sorry to say, but I think the problem is, I don’t actually see many examples of love around me. Yes, I see lots of people getting into relationships and getting married. But, not to be corny, I don’t really think most people know what love is or what it looks like. From where I sit, love seems to be, you make me feel good and I’m only giving to you because I’m getting, but as soon as I don’t feel good, I’m gone. That’s what I see as passing for love these days. I once read that love is the unconditional concern for another person’s well being. In 2009, I think the only people most of us are concerned about our is ourselves — maybe our children. I rarely see this feeling of true love extended to partners/SO. I think people feel entitled to be happy and because they think love will make them happy, they feel they are entitled to love But, it appears that love is so tightly linked with perpetual happiness and feeling good that people are unwilling stick it out through thin times regardless of how new or how old the relationship is. And, I really believe that internet dating along with many other societal trends, makes our definition of thin wider and wider so that people are dismissed at the slightest infraction.

    I also find your comment about credentials interesting because what is a dating profile, but a list of credentials — I’m fun, I’m well-traveled, I kind, I’m smart, I enjoy the finer things in life, I’m pretty/handsome, etc. As you point out, the best profiles will show people how you are these things versus just the laundry list in my example. Nevertheless, that’s what profiles do. They cull us down to a list of credentials, and that’s how we search for “love” on-line. And, based on what I have learned from your blog in terms of how many responses young attractive women get, and how many response tall, handsome and wealthy men get, it appears to me that they do get “better” mates or at least they have the opportunity to get better mates because of their credentials (better mate meaning what our society deems as better).

    One last thought. If nice and kind people don’t deserve love, who does?

  8. 8
    Lexy

    People ask me all the time why don’t I have a boyfriend. I think they look at the outside and think, well she’s good-looking and she should have a boyfriend. That’s dumb. You don’t really know me just from looking at me. Just because I am good looking doesn’t mean I should have a boyfriend. I don’t have one because I haven’t met anyone that I am attracted to inside and outside, that is just as attracted to me inside and outside.

    Do I think I deserve love? I don’t know. I deserve a vacation, I work hard and don’t have a lot of time to myself. But a lot of people work hard. Does that mean I/they will get one? No. It’s inconsequential to me what I think I deserve. It’s not something I can think about constantly. There are still bills to be paid, work to be done, places to see. If or when it happens, I hope to be grateful for that love, because I truly think love is a miracle. So do we deserve miracles? No. We are blessed with them. Perhaps receiving the miracle is what makes us feel worthy and deserving.

  9. 9
    Karl R

    I’ve seen a lot of people who are lousy catches (at least by my standards) find love.

  10. 10
    Evan Marc Katz

    I think the key word is “deserve”. Everyone “deserves” love in the way that everyone “deserves” health insurance. (maybe not the best analogy, but you get what I’m saying). I don’t think anyone should be punished by NOT receiving love. What I’ve observed, however, is that there are some people who think that just because they have a lot of solid attributes, that’s ENOUGH to warrant love. It may be enough to warrant attraction, but without being generous, selfless, thoughtful, kind, understanding, easygoing, non-judgmental, beauty, brains and money are, frankly, pretty worthless.

    That’s all I’m sayin’.

    See you tonight on:

    Evan

  11. 11
    Cilla

    Evan,

    I think I see where you’re coming from. You’re looking at this from an online dating perspective, where the word “deserve” might be interchanged with “earn,” and “great catch” might mean “being the best possible person you can be to others who are looking for those same attributes?”

    In that case, of course people who present themselves in the best light possible “deserve” to attract matches who work for them. And you have to put yourself out there to make it happen–you’re not entitled to love simply by walking around being a “great catch,” whether that means being a Rhodes scholar or super nice dishwasher at the local diner.

    I was thinking along more humanistic lines. I do believe everyone deserves to find love. Some people, though, need to clean up their acts before they will get it, whether online or in real life.

    And I still think “great catch” is a very subjective term, as in the scholar vs dishwasher reference above. I realize traditionally it has been linked to looks and credentials, with personality thrown in for good measure. Are we in agreement that it means something different to everybody?

  12. 12
    Dana

    Everybody deserves love.

  13. 13
    Kira

    What is a “great catch” anyhow? Is it defined by your education, job, income, work ethic or by your compassion, dedication, perseverance, attentiveness? There isn’t an answer. I may be a “great catch” for one person and completely wrong for another.

  14. 14
    cinnamon

    #7
    Great post, Kenley.

  15. 15
    Banjoj

    Well said Kenley !!!

  16. 16
    happygirl

    I like what Kenly wrote # 7 too
    I personally think that finding love is a gift, timing, luck. Who knows? Sometimes two people click and sometimes it just does not work out.

  17. 17
    JB

    What’s “A Great Catch ?” Are you trying to “catch” a husband ? Are you trying to “catch” a long term serious relationship ?? Are you trying to “catch” the guy or gal who’s the most fun right now because that’s what you want ???

    Like Cilla says it’s all an opinion like the word “attractive”. I know some women might consider me a “great catch” for a few reasons and others might consider me err…. not so great….lol

    “Deserve love ?” Not so sure but I always thought I “deserved” to get better results online because I know my profile is quality compared to so many other guys in my location and age range. THAT should theoretically put me in a better position to find love and work at it rather than just “deserve” it.

  18. 18
    Selena

    I don’t think of love in terms of “deserve” or “earn”. I think it just happens. And it seems to happen most when you are truly open to giving it as well as receiving it. As far as “credentials”? I’d think someone who was nice & kind would be more open to giving it as opposed to someone who snotty & mean.

  19. 19
    Bryan

    “…but without being generous, selfless, thoughtful, kind, understanding, easygoing, non-judgmental, beauty, brains and money are, frankly, pretty worthless.”

    I completely agree, but conversely, there are a lot of people who don’t have these qualities who receive love–even if they’re not necessarily returning it.

    I think the sense of entitlement comes from a cultural expectation of, “If you work hard enough, you can get anything.” The only problem with love (how ever you define it) is that the amount of “work” is a total unknown. It’s like working really hard at sharpening pencils and thinking you deserve a promotion. Maybe you do–if sharpening pencils is the MOST important part of your job. Everyone wants to feel like they have some control over their future. That’s why anyone actually reads this blog 🙂 In the end, we’re trying to make ourselves look like great catches because we associate being great catches with successful relationship-finding.

    I think there are definitely times when I think we all feel a sense of entitlement because we see love happening all around us (or think that we do anyways) and wonder at the inequality of “work vs. product” (i.e. I’m just as good as him/her, why am I still alone?”) as a result of cultural opinions on how people in general achieve things.

  20. 20
    vlh

    I think 60-70% of online daters are “great catches” but that’s what makes it hard to date online. I don’t like a guy because he’s a great catch, or vice versa. It has to do with compatible personalities, chemistry you can only experience in person. Offline, I am quite often attracted to men I wouldn’t want on paper. Because in “real life”, attraction has very little to do with lists of credentials.

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