Guys Who Call Too Much Or Guys Who Don’t Call Enough?

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The biggest turn-off that women have in dating is the guy who calls too much.

You know him. He met you and was instantly smitten. He tells you how beautiful you are five times per conversation. He starts talking about how amazing you are even though he barely knows you. He texts, emails or calls a dozen times a day. He acts like you have a future together although you’re pretty sure you don’t know his middle name.

And strangely, despite all this attention – BECAUSE of all this attention – you are immediately turned off. The new guy is a shameless puppy dog, eager for your affection, desperate to win you over to feel as strongly as he does.

It never works. It’s too easy. It’s too lame. It’s too…something. But the eager guy never earns your respect. All because he was TOO excited about you.

Contrast that with the man who YOU’VE got a crush on. You have incredible chemistry with him, but you have no idea where you stand. He tells you that you’re beautiful…when he’s not dating other women. He sends you text messages…once a week when he wants you to come over. He treats you amazingly…or at least he did the last time you saw him. He gives no indication that he wants a future with you, and little indication that he even wants a present with you.

And you’re completely ga-ga for him.

What’s wrong with this picture?

The very qualities that are the MOST indicative of the potential to build a life together – consistency and dedication – are the ones that you value LEAST.

I ain’t blaming you; as a dating coach, I’m just pointing out what may not obvious.

What’s most important is not how a guy makes you feel on a date. Sure, it’s great when you’re tipsy and tingling with excitement in anticipation of his kiss. But that feeling is useless if he doesn’t make a consistent effort to see you.

Literally ALL that matters – if you want a healthy relationship – is how quickly he follows up to say, “When can I see you again?”

This doesn’t mean you’re suddenly going to be attracted to the stalker-guy. I’m not advocating that you remove the restraining order.

What I am saying is that you should stop giving a free pass to every cute guy who doesn’t call in a timely fashion…and start valuing the very guys who make you feel special.

Clearly, it’s easier said than done.

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Comments:

  1. 81
    Babs

    My current bf who I am currently living and just looked at rings with came on so strong it freaked me out in the beginning and I did everything to push him away. For some reason I kept hanging out with him (possibly because we lived so close to one another and geography has a lot to do with dating in NYC!), but I also  felt so comfortable with him that one day it clicked and I was like “I love you too”. I know it’s probably the exception and not the rule, but it could happen and I couldn’t be happier!!!

    1. 81.1
      Babs

      Although maybe it’s just me, but my other 2 previous relationships that were serious, both guys said they loved me less than a month in. So I guess I try to look past that as women can act like this and then complain but if a man does it’s unattractive. Maybe we just need to appreciate the eagerness more and see what’s really there instead of focusing on the “other” (other=aloof and uninterested so let’s dissect and try to get him)

  2. 82
    twinkle

    This is such great advice, Evan. Unfortunately there are those grey areas which can be ambiguous, it’s not always the extremes.
    I’ve had 5 great dates with a really sweet guy, who keeps complimenting my looks, telling me he likes me a lot, making references to stuff in the future (e.g. going on trips together, becoming his gf etc). BUT this week he didn’t ask me out for the weekend, even though he texted me a few times.  
      
    I was raised to never ask a guy out, certainly not when he isn’t officially my bf yet. But it can be frustrating. I feel like maybe he WANTS me to ask him out for once. But I can’t bear to do that. These are the guys who are ‘in between’–they’re definitely not the player who just wants a booty call (btw we haven’t had sex yet, and he hasn’t pressured me), nor are they the typical nice guys who do everything exactly the way a woman might want. And that’s when it gets confusing.

  3. 83
    Cora

    No. No, no, no. I like this site a lot. But, I disagree with this one. Having a man who is “up in the clouds” in some fantasy land planning out our futures together – calling me or texting me multiple times a day, telling me I am so great, etc. etc. without knowing me – No. I am not ok with that. I don’t feel it’s healthy for anyone. In America, our culture has a lot of fantastic fantasy-type ideas and notions about love and romance. It’s fed to us in all our little disney movies and in so many ways a part of us. But, in my experience, this is not healthy or real ..aka realistic. This type of intensity early on in dating is not attractive or helpful in a relationship for the most part. It makes the man (or woman) look needy and desperate and a bit nuts at times if they have planned out futures after date 1 or 2 or 3. Try to reign it in. When you do say that she is so beautiful (in person) it will really mean something if you aren’t saying it constantly.

  4. 84
    Ron

    Well I think a lot of men do this in their teens and that might be forgivable, but if a man is acting this way in his 20s 30s 40s 50s then yes is a weird way to act .. Run away fast lol

  5. 85
    Gwenn

    I just got out of a relationship with a guy who kept ‘feeling confused ‘ about if he wanted to be in a relationship or not. After 3 1/2 years in the relationship, with about 18 mths of ‘confusion’, we finally ended it.

    I wanted to get off that roller coaster.

    Ive now met an ‘enthusiastic puppy’ online and have been chatting for a couple of weeks.

    I can’t help but feel flattered by the attention and how sweet he seems to be.

    Even though he’s very enthusiastic, I keep thinking I should be open to the possibility of him being a genuinely wonderful guy.

    I think sometimes women have to give these guys a go.

    We are meeting next week for the first time.

  6. 86
    Aqua girl

    I think the frequency of phone calls isn’t enough to rate one’s level of commitment. Personally, I don’t like incessant calls cos most times we can’t keep up and every little difference causes a problem in the relationship.

    I think it’s much better to evaluate a relationship in totality to be able to know if he’s committed or not.

    For example, in my relationship… I tend to do the calls cos   im not one to wait or begin to calculate my every move, but trust me my bf brings so much more to the table that the calls don’t bother me. I’ve seen him make huge sacrifices for me, care for me and provide for me.

    I think we all know when someone truly cares for us despite the way they act.

  7. 87
    Marika

    I think the problem with the overly communicative, puppy dog guys is that you get the sense that they’re interested in having someone, not necessarily having you. It’s unnerving when they barely know you but they call & text incessantly. Like they are projecting their fantasy woman/relationship on you because they like your pictures or you were sweet at that first catch up or whatever. Maybe it’s the same for men with clingy women. It just feels wrong at a gut level.

    I do take on board the general message & point of the post,though, and I’m definitely one to favour the cool, ‘leaves me breathless but confused’ guys over the sweet, easy to read & available guys. I hate to admit it – but I do it all the time! I’m aware of it, though, and am persisting at communicating with some guys at the moment who seem really sincere & nice (but boring) and trying to forget the guy who texted me endlessly for the first month with wonderful, deep messages (he was away for work so we couldn’t meet) and now he’s in town, the calls & messages have dried up!  Oh dear..we really can be our own worst enemies at times 🙂

  8. 88
    Rivka

    Ny boyfriend calls me and texts,me ma y times per day. I read articles about this. I noticed that he and his family members text and call each other several times per day.

    It is important to know your partner. Articles should never take the place of heart to hearts with your significant other. Relationship experts,five general advice.

    Having learned my partner’s way of communicating has helped me liots. Don’t place the weight of your relationship on outsider advice.

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