(Video) How Can You Tell If Your Boyfriend Is Falling in Love With You?

395 Shares

One of the most frequent questions I receive is about your frustration with the entire dating process and understanding what’s going through the minds of men.

While you’ve made up your mind about him — you love him, and you think he’s the one — you still aren’t confident that your relationship will endure.

This insecurity can take place at any point in a burgeoning relationship.

You’ve been dating him for two weeks and you feel electric chemistry.

You’ve been sleeping with him for three months and you’re not sure you’re exclusive.

You’ve been boyfriend/girlfriend for six months and he hasn’t said “I love you.”

You’ve been a couple for a year and a half and he’s never hinted at a future.

Instances like these are incredibly common — more common than healthy relationships, to tell the truth — and you rightfully want to know if you should stick around or if you should bail.

Thankfully, I’m here to give you a cheat sheet (in the form of the above video) on what signs you should look for to figure out if your boyfriend is falling in love with you.

First of all, as I wrote in a newsletter once upon a time, believe the negatives, not the positives.

On the surface, that might not make sense. But upon further inspection, I would submit that every time you ignored the negatives, they came back to bite you.

The classic example is the guy who tells you at the beginning, “I’m not really looking for a relationship.” But then, drawn by attraction or chemistry or boredom, he starts sleeping with you. Pretty soon, you’re seeing him once a week, receiving regular texts, and he’s telling you how much he enjoys your company.

In your mind, you’re on the verge of having a boyfriend.

In his mind…

In his mind, he’s already warned you that he doesn’t want to be your boyfriend, and now he’s off the hook. He gets to sleep with you on his terms and can’t be accused of being a bad guy because he told you his intentions up front.

Six months later, you’re say you’re in love with him, he tells you it’s over, and you end up heartbroken.

It’s an all-too-common tale — one which could have been avoided if you paid attention to the negatives, and not just the positives (i.e. your feelings for him)?

Similarly, women tend to read way too far into the positives of a great first date. I’m not suggesting that you didn’t have a real connection with your guy, but rather, that the connection itself doesn’t necessarily mean that he wants a relationship.

How many times do you have to get burned by this to know that it’s true? You’re not wrong for wishing that a great first date or mindblowing sex means commitment. You’re only wrong for expecting it to, and allowing yourself to get your hopes up too high based on limited information.

The fact is, men reveal themselves in their actions. It’s not how much fun you had on the first date. It’s how quickly he follows up after that first date to say, “I want to see you again.”

What happens in between the dates is far more important than what happens on the date. Does he call you? Does he feel connected to you? Do you wonder where you stand or feel like you’re losing momentum? If not, it’s not a good sign.

Think back to the men who made the best boyfriends: I can almost assure you that they made a supreme effort to win you over at the beginning. Because that’s what we do when we’re really excited about you.

When we’re not? You know the drill.

A one-line text that says, “Hey, what’s up? Wanna come over?” is about all the effort that he thinks you’re worth. You deserve better. Pay attention to his actions.

And that means pay attention to his boyfriend behavior.

What is boyfriend behavior, you ask?

It’s the kind of actions that men take when they really value you and want to build something tangible.

What happens in between the dates is far more important than what happens on the date.

I’ve already told you that it’s important for him to say, “when can I see you again” within a day or two after seeing you. Any longer than that means he’s playing games, indifferent, or a very poor communicator who doesn’t understand women’s needs.

Other boyfriend behaviors include leaving his weekends open for you, calling/emailing/texting you every single day, wanting to know that you’re not seeing anybody else, referring to himself as your boyfriend, introducing you to his friends and family, sleeping with you regularly, talking about a future, and declaring that he loves you.

Needless to say, this isn’t all going to happen overnight.

But this IS what happens when a man is falling in love with you.

If this isn’t happening in a reasonable amount of time — a few months to become exclusive, a half a year to say he loves you, references to a future pretty much the whole time — you’re putting yourself in the precarious position of being in an unequal dead-end relationship. You’re giving him a free pass on his efforts, all because you’re passionate about him.

That’s not good enough.

If a guy isn’t giving you the boyfriend behavior you deserve, there’s one perfect solution: walk, and don’t look back.

Evan

P.S. Even though this video is free…don’t discount the value of it. I have talked to thousands of men and women to draw these conclusions. I hope you can break your “bad man” cycle right away!

If you’ve struggled to understand and connect with the “right” men, do yourself a favor and put in your email address. That will put you on my priority mailing list so that you’ll get first notification when my new offering comes out in a few weeks.

*UPDATE:  Love U is now available! Click here to learn more about this coaching program for smart, strong, successful women.

Join our conversation (83 Comments).
Click Here To Leave Your Comment Below.

Comments:

  1. 41
    Patti

    First time reading this site and I needed it.   Hard to believe but at 68 years young, I met a man one year older who treats me like a lady, makes dates for theatre, dinners, brunches, etc.   I found it strange that after 4 months he never held my hand or hugged me goodnight – let alone a good night kiss.   Then last week he asked if he could stop over at 10:30 pm after work.   I hesitated because I am normally asleep at that time butvI said “ok”.   He showed up with a pizza and sodas – no one my age eats pizza at that hour – but it was fun.   Our relationship changed that night as the pizza party ended at 7 o’clock the next morning.   Who knew?   I had not been in a relationship for 8 plus years and was enjoying retirement with a slew of activities – never expected this to happen at my age but it’s truly wonderful.

  2. 42
    Mary

    Wow!  This is comical.   I was so this girl and it’s refreshing to have the answer that I’ve been trying to figure out via friends, thoughts, internet, or any other source that I could pick apart.  
    I’m not one to fall in love and that’s another story in itself.   However, I met this guy who I fell totally in love or something with.   I say love because I yearned for this man.   He never really told me things I wanted to hear or tried to work the relationship for his benefit.   He was just himself and I loved that.   I did ignore the negatives totally!   I have never done that one before….Had awesome time together on dates and he would text immediately to say he had a great time afterwards (no sex involved).  He was and is very random with dates.   I never could figure out why he didn’t call immediately looking for the next date or just an opportunity to see me.   I’m an attractive and fun person, just ask me 🙂   No, but serious I’m pretty cool.
    Moral of story… If he’s not following up, there’s some reason.   You can sit around and shake your magic 8 ball all you want to try and get answers.   You have to just do your life and have fun.   If you have time for him when he decides to float in and out of your life, that’s fine.   But be sure to love yourself and celebrate life with family and friends that love you!!!
      
      

  3. 43
    Karma

    Great article.
    I totally agree 100% that it simply comes down to a man’s “ACTIONS” speaking far louder than his words!!
    I met the “love of My Life” last April 2012 & everything about him, his actions, & the way he treated Me (like I was his everything) completely changed my opinion of men. I trusted him, & my gut just had faith in him no doubt!! This is particularly unusual for Me, very special feeling to trust someone.
    He did everything according to your “boyfriend list/points”.
    However, as we were approaching the 12months mark, (3 weeks ago) he broke up with Me & stated he was “not ready to Love”!!!!
    I am beyond shattered, truly devastated & just really sad…

    1. 43.1
      Eva

      Karma,
      I don’t know when you wrote that…perhaps years ago…but I feel your pain. It’s so stunning how someone can do all those things, and you “did everything right” as we are all concerned about, and still…just poof! Sending you a hug.   

  4. 44
    Michelle

    The video how can you tell if your boyfriend is falling in love with me is do true that it explains all the warning signs that I choose to ignore!!
    to now 9 months down the line wondering why I am so hurt after he tells me he needs time to work out where to take the relationship!!
    thank you I will learn not to make the same mistake next time!.

  5. 45
    Lucy

    I made some errors with my boyfriend. I’d try mirror him, only text when he text me and we didn’t text in-between seeing each other to talk and such. I brought it up with him and he said that he wants me to text him more, and was waiting for me to do so. But I don’t want to jump through his hoops if you know what I mean. I don’t want to be easy to get. Ahh so confusing.

  6. 46
    Nathan

    Lucy, the whole “making it difficult for a man to get you thing” is a good way to loose quality men. You say you don’t want to jump through his hoops, but it sounds to me like you certainly want him to jump through yours. And what’s wrong with texting him more, or putting more assertive effort in on your end? You describe him as your “boyfriend.” This isn’t a first date scenario. I personally don’t care much for Evan’s mirroring ideas, but even he tends to focus on mirroring in the getting to know each other stage of the relationship. At some point, you have to give more to the relationship if you want it to succeed.

    1. 46.1
      Lucy

      Thank you Nathan! I have been texting him more. I just don’t want to lose him. I want to give him the attention he deserves. I’m scared to make more effort in case I get hurt. Besides, after we see each other, he never tells me when we’ll see each other or what day we’ll meet up again. So I’m being left hanging and it’s hard for me to plan my time.

      1. 46.1.1
        Karmic Equation

        Dump him. You are more into him than he is into you. That is reason enough to dump a guy after a month. Because you don’t have self control around him. That doesn’t bode well.

         

        He’s not giving you what you want and turning things around on you already. “I’ll text you more if you text me more.” Only men playing games do that.

         

        Until a guy says, “I love you”, it is beholden on the WOMAN to mirror the same level of emotional commitment  that the guy is putting into the relationship. In other words, don’t allow yourself to fall for a guy who you cannot tell–beyond a reasonable doubt–has fallen  for you. Like him, spend time with him, enjoy him, etc. But do NOT allow yourself to fall until you KNOW how he feels.

         

        If you have questions, doubts, insecurities about the relationship at the 6 month mark, that is your instinct telling you he’s not in love with you yet. After dating for 6 months, if a guy hasn’t told you he loves you. He probably never will. If you’re ok with that, keep dating him. If you’re not ok with that, then be prepared to break up with him. And when you have the break up talk, tell him that’s why you’re breaking up with him. And then walk away.

         

        If he finally says he loves you on break up day. Ask him why you had to break up with him to tell you he loves you. Listen to his answer. Be skeptical of his answer. Do not give him any benefit of the doubt when he answers this question. If his answer passes your b.s. meter, you can get back together with him, but in your mind, he should be on probation. The very next time he treats you for granted, break up for real. No more chances. He wasn’t the right guy for you.

  7. 47
    Amanda

    … My bf does say he loves me and does talk about the future with me … But we skipped the first 2 stages :/ … He has never ever been off the walls excite for me or text me all the time ( I’m the one that starting all the texts) we see each other every other weekend… I’ve decided I’m not texting him tillhe misses me enough to actually text me first… I put to much effort in this relationship in compared to him …. We have dated a year. … someone wrote this and it hit ho e really hard “because he wants to put zero effort into you. And why should he put more, because like a puppy you are waiting there for whatever scraps hes giving you and happy with it!?!?! Respect yourself first”. … It made me cry cause its very true 🙁

  8. 48
    jo-ane

    All i can say WOW! Everything u say is so true I jst hope i could’ve had this info a lot sooner cos my first date had us so connected and he said. He did wnt to commit and all the others stuff but u’ll never wht tipe if guy ure dealing with when all falls apart bt ya we gals aways learn the hard way just becoz we are passionate.
    Thnks Evan I really would love to have ur books

  9. 49
    357girl

    Thank you, Evan, for this reminder. I’ve been with a guy close on a year now, we started out as friends who talked almost daily for about 3-4 months and then started spending more and more time together. He was very active in pursuing our relationship for the first 6 months after we became more than friends, but now it’s like it’s assumed I’m here and committed (yes, he has said he sees us together for the long term) so no effort is required at this point. To be fair, he has a very busy life, but I feel a relationship requires periodic alone time to reconnect.   What I realized as you were talking in the video is that I ignored a huge negative right from the start – he had a nasty divorce and said once, before we started dating, that he no longer believed in marriage. He felt that marriage was the biggest FINANCIAL decision you’ll ever make (she took him to the cleaners). Now I’m missing our long talks and when he made time for us to be together and wondering if it’s time to move on.  

  10. 50
    Brooke

    I agree with the video, but dating is not always black and white.  
    Of course if he says he’s not ready for a relationship, you should stop right there. Same thing if he never texts you or makes time for you. I wish my relationships were that easy.   No, usually it’s more complicated than that and it takes a long time to realize it isn’t going anywhere, and you end up getting hurt because you get attached by then. They all act like you’re the woman of their dreams at first because of the newness, the ones who want a serious relationship that is. For the ones who don’t, you can usually spot it right away.
    I think when people decide they are ready for a serious relationship, they will say all the right things and act like they’re supposed to, it’s hard to tell whether it’s genuine sometimes. And then 6 to 12 months later, sometimes more, you realize you might want the same thing a but not with each other. That it wasn’t really love to start with.  
    You realize you don’t get along living together, or they’re controlling or needy, or you’re just not that compatible. Things you don’t see right away because everyone is on their best behavior at first.  
      
    For instance, saying I love you and wanting to spend ALL of your time with someone and texting that person 50 times a day (not exaggerating) and asking that person what they’re doing every 5 minutes is not necessarily love I think, more like neediness, fear of being alone, not a healthy relationship. By the way when I walked away from that relationship because I couldn’t breathe anymore, he had a new “love of his life” 2 weeks later… Some people just can’t be alone and will “fall in love” with anyone they meet.  
    Or a guy who wants to be in love because he decided it was time for something serious. I had an ex who said he loved me 2 months in, which I think was a little early because at that time what do you really know about each other, but I went with it because I saw potential (Is saying I love you too early a red flag? So many rules…sigh). I then discovered he also wanted to control every aspect of my life, and was dictating when we saw each other, had strict rules about everything, and then moved in after 4 months without asking me. Just started living there, would come and go as he pleased but didn’t have a key because it wasn’t official (he still kept his apartment), so he would get mad if I wasn’t home to let him in…I had to drop what I was doing to let him in. And when I wanted us to talk about it, he took offense, and said I should just be fine with it if I loved him etc. and then he ended up taking back that he ever loved me…! Because who I am to want to try to have healthy communication with my boyfriend? The nerve! (Sarcasm) Very sensitive guy with bad communication skills.
      
    So, not black and white. A lot of people who just want to be in love but are not necessarily in love. It has happened to me too. After my first love a long time ago, I wanted that feeling back so I fell in love with my next boyfriend very fast which wasn’t reciprocated of course. In the end, I don’t think I even really loved him, I barely knew him. Baggage…everyone has it.  
      
    I am 30 years old and looking to meet the right guy. I’m not commitment phobe and I don’t fall in love in 5 minutes either. (That was just once lol)  
      
    I am now dating a very decent guy who treats me well, calls me his girlfriend, introduced me to his family and friends, is not super needy or controlling, we spend every weekend together, he buys me flowers, takes me on nice dates etc…perfect huh? Well no, because every one has baggage.  
    He was previously engaged twice to his 2 last exes and it didn’t work out, obviously, so now he wants to take things slow, which is understandable. But now it’s too slow and I have told him. We have talked about our possible future together so that’s not taboo, but he is not ready to say I love you 8 months in, which I know is a big negative. So once again, I think I will walk away, which is heartbreaking yet again. He seemed like a good one.  
      
    So no, I don’t think it’s that easy to know if someone is truly in love with you. I wish it were. It takes a while to figure it out, and it’s not easy to avoid heartbreak, even if you take it slow.
      
    I think the advice of taking the negatives and not positives can be dangerous. Yes definitely don’t ignore the negatives, especially if he’s commitment phobe, but if you constantly focus on the negatives in general you’ll never meet anyone. You can always find negative things about someone, nobody is perfect.  
    I will say you should focus on the big negatives, things that are deal breakers for you. I have actually been told that I’m too picky because I focus on the negatives too much.  
      
    Anyway, my search for real love continues…
      
      

  11. 51
    Cindy

    I’m in the exact same boat as Kirsten (comment 3 and 28) ive been dating a guy for 9 months now. He does everything right (always makes time for me, surprises me with flowers, invites me to family events, loves to tell ppl I’m his girlfriend)…but he hasn’t told me he loved me. It’s driving me crazy and I really just don’t understand it.  

  12. 52
    Joelle

    Wow!
    Very well put…thank you.   

  13. 53
    sandykuo

    Your advices hit me like a tons of brick , instantly wake me up ,” walk, dont look back ” which my lesson now. eventhough it’s so painful but it’s so true. thanks your advice and great points, really appreciated it.

  14. 54
    Linnet

    I’m dead sure this whole article and video was made exclusively for me. lol Yes he did introduce me to his family and one friend but just because I almost pressured him into it and he’s to much of a ” gentlemen” to go against me. He didn’t phone or texted every day, I did.   he would rather go on hunting trips than to see me. The dating was fine, BUT THE INBETWEENs was totally non existing what a joke. Well thanks, it is over and I’m heartbroken but will not die!!
      
      
      

    1. 54.1
      Bing

      Hahaha good for you Linnet.. Go on girl …im going to do exactly the same.. Been tossing it in my head. Its not going to kill me to walk away now but would kill me if i hang around any longer.. Been 16 months.. Enough time and chances i invested. Time to count losses and be free. Thank u Evan

  15. 55
    Diane

    Met a guy that comes into my work sometimes.   He is a truck driver only because he had lost his original job.   Anyways, he was going through a divorce and some financial trouble–big time.   He was really attracted to me.   His job has him working 10-14 hrs for 6 days a week.   He lives an hour away.   Then I didn’t see him for about 3 months because his truck runs didn’t come my way and he was also working a part time job.   He finally quit part time job and now his runs seem to be coming my way more often.   He now says he loves me, needs me, misses me   but he says the love hasn’t developed yet.   He does not call and only texts me when I text him first.   He seems to be happier now that I said I love him. One negative is he gave me a hug and I wanted another one and the response I got was “I already gave you one”, but I got the hug anyway.   I tolerate it, thinking he was really hurt from his divorce sine his previous marriage was for I think quite a few years.  

  16. 56
    Gaylena

    Thank you for this! I really needed this, I have had a ton of guys just walk out on me or just be all around really crappy and I am taking a step back because I cannot do it for a while, even though I have said I would go out with someone, that could be trouble for him because I don’t want anything now but he has had some crappy times also so he might understand.

    Now I understand what is going on with guys and most of them just want Miss right now, not miss right.

  17. 57
    Emma

    Love this.

  18. 58
    francine

    I am going through the start of this at the moment. I have had 2 dates with a guy. I though both went well.

    I asked him on the first date, he asked me on the 2nd.

    Between the 1st and 2nd date he was texting me 2-3 times a day, was flirting with me and made me feel like he wanted the conversation to keep going.

    After the 2nd date I feel like I’ve done all the texting, that he’s not flirting and he’s just replying because I’m texting.

    Okay – just writing that is enough for me to see I don’t need to go one with the story (damn!). but I will.

    I have stepped back, not initiating the texting. I asked my friends for advise and they said. “message him – let him know your interested”   “its the modern world – ask him on the 3rd date”   “maybe he is busy – just text him”

    I keep telling myself   “he will lead the charge if he is interest”

    but then I think – maybe he’s not sure what I want. maybe he is busy, maybe I should text.

    But I’m remaining strong. If he is interested he will let me know.

  19. 59
    ar

    *I say :). BTW Thank you for sharing this video Evan & all your helpful tips.

  20. 60
    Rox

    Unfortunately, I’ve only experienced this once with ex. After we officially broke up 5 years ago, it’s been games from men. That bow, I’ve learned to put on the brakes and take it slow. And then, there true colors come out. They all just want to sleep with me and be done with it.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *