How Many Times a Year Do You Get Set-up or Get a Number at a Bar?

young couple having a great night at the bar

How many times a year do you get set-up or get a number at a bar?

Which method of meeting people has led to the most long-term relationships: online dating, set-ups, or getting a number at a bar?

If all methods were equally successful, which one would you prefer and why?

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  1. 1
    Karl R

    How many times a year do you get set-up or get a number at a bar?
    I would say less than once a year for either. I’m not into the bar scene. I don’t like getting “set-up” on dates. If a friend wants to introduce me to one of his/her friends, they can do it at a party or neutral event. If I like the lady, I’ll take the next step.

    Which method of meeting people has led to the most long-term relationships: online dating, set-ups, or getting a number at a bar?
    Long-term relationships only? Online dating: zero. Set-ups: zero. Getting a number at a bar: zero.

    Of those three, online dating has generated the most dates.

    Methods that have been particularly successful for me (for LTRs): meeting women at church, meeting women through activities (i.e. at the dance studio), meeting friends of friends.

    If all methods were equally successful, which one would you prefer and why?
    Meeting women through activities we mutually enjoy. That way I’m having fun, even when I’m not meeting anyone new.

    But I still wouldn’t limit myself to one method. It’s like an investment portfolio — there’s strength in diverse approaches.

  2. 2

    I believe that I am very limited in the kind of relationship with male: platonic friendship and long term relationships. Reading these blogs I understand that there are far more possibilities. So what are the options and what are the definitions? What makes a LTR a LTR. To me the intention, the clearness and sincerity makes the definition. To me a LTR can last for only three months. But I don’t think everybody agree.

  3. 3

    I have had people I know set me up a couple of times, within the past year. I rather, like Karl, have friends introduce me to their friends at a party or neutral event, and let me decide if it will go any further or not.

    I have been successful at on-line dating, and have had a few long term relationships come my way as a result of that.

    I’m defining long-term as dating them for more than 6 months, or even if it doesn’t become a romantic relationship it turns out to be a wonderful freindship and we still may just like to meet every now and then to ‘hang’.

  4. 4
    happy girl

    I got set up one time last year. A friend wanted to introduce me to a guy. I wish she had not told me and just invited me over and if the guy would have been interested then he could have take it from there. Instead I felt very ackward. So conclusion: I don’t like “set up”dates

    Numbers at a bar or club? zero.

    Online dates ,like Karl mentioned, generate the most dates. None of the three methods have generated a LTR.

    I am not putting my eggs in one basket. So I am going out to clubs, bars , events, etc and go on online dates.

  5. 5

    If we had the ability of those machines in “Terminator” to look at someone and see a chart of what that person is all about, I would say, live meetings are the best way, hands down (singles events, social activities that Karl R mentioned, and so on).

    But the reality is, when all you know about a person is what they look like, it’s not exactly much use in finding an LTR: this individual could turn out to be a complete idiot, or a bad person, or just altogether incompatible with you – in this regard online communication has the edge.

    I can probably count on one hand all the times I was set up with someone by friends, EVER.

    I don’t drink, therefore bars are really not my scene.

    Oh, I have to disagree with Karl on the method of introduction. In the most recent attempt anyone made to set me up (two years ago) my friend suggested that instead of giving his friend my number he wants us all to hang out some time. I said, no way, I have to “interview” this person first over the phone to see if he is even worth my time. NOR do I think that group meetings are that great an idea for a first date. He (my friend) thought that would take the pressure off. I thought it would hinder our getting to know each other.

  6. 6

    I think long-term relationships are more likely when you’re set up by friends or family, or through work because there is a lot more peer pressure to stay in the relationship rather than have a fling or break up with someone and cause unnecessary drama. Meeting at bars aren’t very good because they might not remember you, are drunk, or can’t hear you very well.

  7. 7

    I don’t do the bar thing either. Where I live there aren’t too many places for people over the age of 25 to socialize as singles.

    I’ve never been set up, so I have no experience there.

    Online dating has yielded a handful of men to date (after whittling them down by email and phone calls) and two long-term relationships for me. So far it seems the only way to go–I just don’t meet men here IRL. Even the ones from my place of residence who write to me online are usually total mismatches. I search out of town, because I’m open to long distance relationships and the possibility of relocating. In fact, my email dance card is a little too full right now. I need to start whittling down again.

  8. 8
    susy k

    I’ve never been picked up at a bar as I’m not into the bar scene but don’t think a bunch of drunk guys is where I’m going to meet a quality guy.

    I have been set up once and that lasted three months.

    I met my current LTR online. That’s been wonderful and part of the reason I think that it worked for me is that I was honest with myself about what I wanted and who I was and put that in my profile. I found someone who did the same. We also keep the lines of communication open so that we are free to be true to ourselves and to each other at the same time.

    I think I prefer online dating to other methods, you can “pick” someone within the boundaries of your parameters so to speak.

  9. 9

    Number at a bar: A friend I was with gave my number to a guy at a bar and it lead to a four year marriage made in hell!! I don’t recommend that.

    Set-up: I am not comfortable letting someone “set me up” They are not always the best judge and there are always questions that I have to answer..”well, how did it go?”

    Online: Nothing long term, but I have not had any bad experiences. Most of my dates have been a lot of fun.

    Prefer: I think I agree with Karl R…meeting through activities we mutually enjoy is the best.

  10. 10

    In the past year, I’ve met two guys at bars (one of whom was there with the friend of a friend so sort of with the same people; the other was a stranger). Both of them struck up a conversation and then asked for my number. They didn’t work out, the first one because we just weren’t right for each other but couldn’t have known that right away and the second because I was too drunk to realize it at the time. Its not a very good method, but it isn’t like I was looking for at all either.

    I had a friend who set me up four times, three were awful, one led to a relationship. She and her boyfriend both invited us out without telling us why, and I agree with Karl: its way less stress to just “happen” to meet each other and be able to take it from there. The ones where we specifically “met” were a lot more awkward.

    I never date anyone for longer than three months, so I have no idea which one would actually work for a LTR.

    I think I most prefer set-ups because the person is (at least a little) vetted in advance. It can be awkward if it doesn’t work out if you travel in the same circles.

  11. 11

    My usual way of meeting men is in bars/lounges/ at happy hours, so I don’t have an accurate count of how many times i’ve given out my number in those situations.
    Set-ups- only one in recent memory and it was not even close to a match.
    I agree with others that have pointed out some of the clear advantages of dating online- you get to see some of your key parameters laid out for you up front. And for those of us that care about those things, it’s nice. But meeting someone offline seems less awkward to me somehow.

  12. 12

    Meet at a bar? That would be zero.

    Set ups? I like the “prescreening” aspect of a recommendation that comes from a friend but they have not led to any ltrs.

    On line has been my most successful way of meeting men. But, like someone asked, when is a ltr an ltr? I am not currently in a relationship so I don’t think I can say my online dating efforts have resulted in an ltr or I wouldn’t be back looking for it. So far good for strs.

    I have noticed that a genuine smile and eye contact is a great way to come to someone’s attention.

  13. 13

    on post #12,

    “I have noticed, that a genuine smile and eye contact is a great way to come to someone’s attention.” YES!…..Should I write that in all capitals or bold letters?……LOL!..

  14. 14

    I hardly ever get set up. I believe this is because my friends know that I meet people easily. (I smile, make eye contact a lot, and genuinely enjoy meeting people.) Which explains why most of the time I go to a bar, either someone asks for my phone number or I get one. I must admit, that I used to get more phone numbers when I was really open and friendly. But most of the time, I’d attract guys that I really wasn’t into. Now I’ve learned to be more selective about who I talk to, so I don’t get as many numbers as before, and I will not give out my number if I’m truly not into someone. As I’ve gotten older (I’m 35), it’s more about quality not quantity.

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