How To Guarantee A Guy Calls You After Sex

Hi Evan,

To explain why a great date doesn’t necessarily mean anything to men, you wrote: “Instead of thinking in terms of black and white (He likes me/he doesn’t like me), think in terms of grey. Isn’t it possible that a guy can be out, enjoying your company, being thoughtful, telling you you’re beautiful, kissing you at the end of the night, and never call you again?”  

I guess it’s possible, theoretically. I am not a man, so it’s difficult for me to understand. But why would a guy do that? For example, if I like a guy, and I had a good time on a date, I’d like to see him again. I think about it in 2nd grade terms, “I like a person, I would like to see them again. I don’t like a person, I don’t want to see them again” That applies to all people – men, women, romantic or platonic.

You also wrote: “All you can do as a woman is not make the date “mean” something, because 50% of the time, as you can probably see, it doesn’t mean a thing to him…”

Yeah, I think that’s an assumption. I, personally, cannot SEE that it doesn’t mean a thing to him, like I can’t differentiate. When do things start meaning to a man?

So what distinguishes when a guy goes on a date, has a good time, but is just “in the moment, and doesn’t call me back, versus a guy who had a good time with me and then calls me back? Is this “in the moment” feeling premeditated, i.e. the guy knows this date isn’t going to be serious, before the date occurs? Or does the “in the moment” feeling occur during the process of the date, which is dependent on the woman and on a date itself? So tell me about your experiences. How do you approach this dating, “in the moment” situtation? I am just trying to understand the psyche.

Maybe it’s just me, but all interactions with people mean something to me. I feel that’s the respect I should give to another person. And if they don’t mean anything to me, then it’s because I don’t want to interact with that person.

Any clarification of this idea would be very helpful.


Dear Jean,

I’m going to drop the dating coach bit for a second and just be a guy.

When I was dating prolifically, I’d be going out with two or three women at a time. And every single time I went out, I did two things:

  1. I tried to be the best date I possibly could. I’d call, email, express interest, plan a good date, show up on time, etc.
  2. I tried to make her want me really badly. I’d listen, I’d lean in, I’d flirt, I’d compliment her.

In short, I wanted every single date to feel good about me, so I would have the option of going out with her again. Sometimes, we’d hug goodbye. Other times, we’d drunkenly go back to her place. But no matter what, I was looking to keep my options open, have fun, and sometimes get a little action. And yes, I was always in pursuit of a long-term relationship. I just didn’t want to deprive myself entirely of sexual activity until I fell in love.

By the way, whether you agree or not, I considered myself a NICE guy. I slept with very few people, I never said, “I love you” and I rarely kept a physical relationship going beyond a few weeks, if I felt it was headed nowhere.

To me, I felt like I was acting with integrity. To a woman who woke up next to me after a first date and thought that we were “in a relationship”, I can see how she felt differently….

This is the bargain we strike when we’re dating.

My friend, dating coach and matchmaker, Julie Ferman, talks about what a strange world we live in where we are more comfortable sleeping with a stranger than we are TALKING about what it means to sleep together. And it’s kind of true, isn’t it? Better to hop in bed and hope we can handle the emotional consequences than it is to have a weird conversation about commitment, right?

So if you really want to understand men, Jean, chew on this one for awhile:

Men look for sex and find love.

Women look for love and find sex.

You would never sleep with someone you weren’t interested in.

We will. Gladly.

Until you GET this, until you truly EMBRACE the fact that we think with our penises and allow our brains to catch up weeks later, you’re ALWAYS going to be surprised at the “disconnect” between men’s words and their actions.

Our words are designed to charm you and make you feel comfortable.

Our actions reveal whether there’s any deeper intentions behind our words.

So again, the only way you can tell if a guy is sincere is by WHAT KIND OF EFFORT HE MAKES FOR YOU AFTER YOU GO OUT.

Not if he told you he loves you, not if he slept with you.

Only if he calls you the next day to make another date can you be really sure.

And if you want to be positive that a guy won’t sleep with you unless he’s serious about you, then don’t sleep with him until he’s given you a commitment. You’ll have a lot less sex, but a lot less heartbreak as well.

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  1. 61

    LADIES -stop saying you can have “casual” sex.  Or booty calls…it is total denial. Even if you barely like a guy, the minute you get intimate you will catch feelings…end of story.  You will feel badly if you know he is with other women, you will feel used if he only wants your body, and you will resent his treatment of you soon after… THERE IS NO exact rule (wait 90 days, wait 30, wait til marriage…) Wait til you feel like the guy is good enough a person to have you.  But know, people can be actors (or confused) and even if you wait, and do all the right things…it STILL may not work out.  But KNOW 100% if you sleep with him before you get to know one another — you will NEVER have anything. (Except for rare occcasions, I mean never say never right)  But wait tooooo long, like the guy, have bad sex— whats worse than that?  Right.  So i am not waiting three months to fall for someone and then find out our sexual chemistry is horrible.  I will also never sleep with a guy on the first few dates (I mean AT LEAST 6… 7, 8-10 best) This SHOULD occur within 4-6 weeks.  8 at the MOST… but he could flip a switch.  Happens all the time.  But its better to feel like it is all his fault it did not work out, than yours right?

    1. 61.1


           You can’t tell us ladies that we can’t have casual sex and that we are in denial.  This may be true for you, but there are many women who can and do successfully for whatever length of time.  Each person is different.  I know what I’m talking about. 

  2. 62

    There will never be any hard core guarantee. After all, if men (and women) can disappear on their spouse after 20+ years of marriage, they an disappear after a few dates. He can change his mind, he can lose your number, hey he can even die at the wrong time…
    The closest you can get from a guarantee is being so special, so interesting, so loving, and having the man like you so much, that there will pretty much be no chance that he will not want to see you again ASAP. If before you become sexually intimate, he knows how amazing you are, he desires to get to know you better, he feels great around you, and he finds himself emtionally connected to you, why – oh why – would he disappear after sharing a sexual connection, or after a few dates for that matter?
    Therefore, make sure to be that special, interesting, and loving woman. Make sure he feels emotionally connected. Make sure these feelings develop QUICKLY – over the first few dates – so that sex does not need to be postponed for too long. This is YOUR responsability as a woman.

  3. 63

    @Sayanta31 – I’m not sure if you’re still following this thread, and I’m not sure either if you’re still looking or where you live, but I was at a gallery exhibition last night, the place was packed, and I left having given my info to not one but four charming single men.  Gallery things have changed (especially when it’s a group show and the presenting artists are there) — you may want to try again.

  4. 64

    Karl 28 – love it and love Evan’s honesty.
    Yes, some women are capable of having sex without love it’s true.  And some men are not capable of having sex without love.
    Dating can be fun if it’s done with a light spirit.
    He is not obliged to have a LTR (wow! I’m learning the lingo finally!) if he doesn’t want one.
    If you want a LTR, then go slowly.  You might lose him as well by the way, if you wait too long (it’s called,the law of universal vexation!)
    I think you have to be honest with yourself.  You want sex you have it if he wants it too and if you don’t want sex, you don’t.
    No guarantee that if you have it, or you don’t, he’ll still be around, and you can change your mind as well, can’t you??????

  5. 65

    I’ve read 2, what seem to be contradicting articles.  First article is about rules to dating and when to have sex and then this one about calling after sex. In the article it mentioned having sex when you have established that the guy is interested in you and not just sex.  This one is about the phone call.  I’m completely beside myself with understanding.  In my situation, it is very apparent he was/is interested in me as a person.  In fact, we talked everyday since our first date, we ended up going out again, completely non traditional style date.  And neither one of us has any intention of sleeping together (non intention was very evident) but somehow we found ourselves after a couple of hours of conversation having sex.  In fact, I stayed over, but for me now I’m analyzing, whether he will call and when.  but like the first article that I read from this blog, if he was going to call, he will do it regardless of sex or not.  If the man or woman, likes you, sex is just going to help with the whole compatibility thing, there shouldn’t be this stigma that it’s negative or positive.  It should just be.  Every situation is different and we are analyzing too much, especially me right now.  

  6. 66

    I don’t know why I had to wait until 36 to realize this, but I need to take responsibility for my happiness, for my emotions, for my stability. I actually think these things are a big part of the problem for women being disappointed by men they are dating. We expect these men to give us something that we are supposed to already have. I absolutely love Evan’s advice…….and I am positive that he is rigjt. I think women would be a lot happier if we just lived in the moment, didn’t give any part of ourselves away until we were ready to give it, and just waited to see things progress…..or not…only one man is going to be the right one. That does not make all of the other ones bad. I just need to be in control of my own pace. Thanks Evan.

  7. 67



  8. 68

    Both men and women can behave like this. I have dated 3 to 4 guys at once and was not looking for a relationship, just a good time. A few guys I was with woke up the next day and thought we were in a relationship, when I was just having fun. The key to them calling you and asking you out again, is to make sure that they see you as someone who is having fun. The guys I was with wanted me to commit to them, mostly because I didn’t have any expectations from them. At least that is what I think. They all called back the next day asking when they could see me agin, even though we had sex sometimes right away, 1st or 2nd date….

  9. 69

    I agree with most of your points. What ladies should know is that, NOT all guys play around. Some of us have good intensions.

    What ladies should know is that, NOT all guys play around. Some of us have good intensions.

  10. 70

    Hello ::
    I think thats not true ; everyone before being man or women we are human ; that guy who is speaking in the letter or whatever and there is a lot like that in this world I’m sorry they are not human and they do not even know what does humanity and what does gender and sex mean they are right they just do what they’re needing sex say and that mean no mind so that mean no human but please common do not force people to think that male are human and women are stupid i do not know what the hell they are forcing people to think about each gender  and make a popular third world believe  ; Mostly Love sex and need sex no matters women or men but we should not act like two dog who is crossing street and do sex and continue their way cause we are human thats my opinion and in my opinion that letter is true for that two boy or girl maybe but not general at all 

  11. 71

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.
    Hello ::
    I think thats not true ; everyone before being man or women we are human ; that guy who is speaking in the letter or whatever and there is a lot like that in this world I’m sorry but in my  opinion::
    they  are not human and they do not even know what does humanity and what does gender and sex mean they are right they just do what they’re needing sex say and that mean no mind so that mean no human but please common do not force people to think that male are not human and women are stupid i do not know what the hell they are forcing people to think about each gender  and make a popular third world believe  ; Mostly Love sex and need sex no matters women or men but we should not act like two dog who is crossing street and do sex and continue their way cause we are human thats my opinion and in my opinion that letter is true for that two boy or girl maybe but not general at all 

  12. 72
    Lady K

    Enjoyed reading this post.
    I think I have the answer…I let a man know that I didn’t want a relationship with him, assuming after we’d been very sexual spoken on texts etc that he was looking for the same thing, anyway after a really good session, i said I was going home and he didn’t look happy, explained I couldn’t stay due to my dog and so on, he said YOU ARE NOT USING ME FOR SEX NO WAY. So, I think that’s the reason a lot won’t go for friends with benefits as they want you to want them more than that. But then when you want more from them they start acting all stupid and commitment phobic.
    I dated a fair few men from Eharmony and the men on there are terrible, some are not over their ex’s as they talk about them a lot, others just want an analogy of how great you think they are and most of all, they are nothing like what they have made out to be. 
    So, tried online dating and won’t be doing it again. No point, feel my time is being wasted. 

  13. 73

    Done that! Only slept with men who gave a committment. It really does not take much for some guys to committ to you and even marry you only to abandon you or break up a few days after having sex anyway. There are thousands of abandoned brides in India, for example, who have totally married their husbands when they came for vacation and then they fleed abroad a few months later and they never saw them again. 
    And you may say you should know a guy fir at least a year, two years, whatever number of years…guess what? Time does not matter for men either. He can just pack up his bags and suddenly vanish after 3 year relationship or 10 years of happy marriage without any reason or explanation.

    1. 73.1

      I agree with you, men either walk away, or they get carried out in a coffin…

    2. 73.2

      NIKKI, if that happens a lot, then I would guess that one of two things is happening…maybe 3.
      1. she is consistently dating men out of her league, but is very giving in nature, so the guy sticks around for a while.  Nothing wrong with being giving, and in fact it is a must in a good relationship, but when it is done for a guy that is out of your league, it is likely to be wasted effort.
      2. she is not very giving, but very beautiful, and so after the new car smell wears off, the guy takes off for greener pastures.  If she is not giving, there is nothing to keep him around for long.
      3. she consistently chooses men of low character.  Men who are not likely to stay with a woman for long.  She wants to believe she is the one who will tame him.  She has a better chance of winning the lottery.

      1. 73.2.1
        Karmic Equation

        I agree, Jenn. Nice summary.
        The points that may be missed by some women, who will claim that you’re “blaming women” is that all 3 are WITHIN HER CONTROL.
        So yeah, she has to take the fall.
        1) If she doesn’t know her league, she will perpetually suffer from this lack of self-awareness or from her self-denial…and not only in her dating life.
        2) If she’s not a giving person and relies on her beauty to get what she wants out of life, she is in for a rude awakening when her beauty fades. So no pity for the pretty who are not nice people. They deserve their fates.
        3) Because a man’s low character can usually be distinguished within 1 week to 6 months. If she doesn’t dump him when she has seen a pattern of behaviors that indicate he lacks good character, she has to own it.

  14. 74

    I can’t not stand all these stipulations around dating and sex. I don’t ever hear about how a man should think like a lady and act like a man. I’m so tired of all the theory’s on how we should accommodate a man and act a certain way in order to get one. Personally I just act like myself and that’s the way it should be. Your dammed if you do and dammed if you don’t. Men will call regardless of this stupid game we play if he is interested in you. I will not accommodate a guy because all the men I ran into thus far with plenty of experience in dating and sex it all leads to that one thing…there egos. Men take things the wrong way always thinking we are desperate women trying to trap them in a relationship. I have better things to do with my time than to think like a man. I’m a woman and I’m proud of it do not I will not accommodate their egos. If you want to have sex have sex, if you want to enjoy their company enjoy it but please for the love of god stop analyzing every situation….it makes my eyes twitch

  15. 75

    I am a woman and look for sex first mostly because it’s easier.  As far as an LTR goes, if a guy wants to have sex straightaway (i.e. first night) I go there but never consider him for an LTR.  His value diminishes v quickly… I haven’t met any other woman that thinks like me. 

    1. 75.1

      I think like that but if I say it out loud I’m called a slut and judged so ,ugh I just have to go to Anne summers until I get a boyfriend

  16. 76

    I am completely naïve everytime when it comes to dating.  Never fails, and I really wouldn’t want to change that about myself.  However, I have found the best way to avoid heartbreak is to date (not sleep with) 2-3 guys at once, give them space when they need it and for Pete’s sake, if you haven’t had “the talk” about commitment than you should be out looking for somebody else.  He’s not committed, your not committed!!  Good luck!

    1. 76.1
      Karmic Equation

      You got that almost completely right…
      And when you DO get the guy, give him space when he wants it EVEN THOUGH you’re in a committed relationship.
      Help him preserve HIS individuality and work on maintaining your own individuality. That keeps the sparks flying in the relationship and the relationship one he wants to stay in. A man should NEVER feel that he has “lost his freedom” when he’s in a relationship with you. He should feel that he’s gained a best friend that he can now go and do things with that he used to have to do alone. You should ADD VALUE to HIS life, not SUBTRACT freedom from his.
      And just to be clear, I’m not advocating “open relationships”. I’ve never had one of those and most likely never will. But in all my relationships, letting him do his thing, and trusting that he will never hurt me, has inspired those men in my life to do just that. Helping to preserve that “hero aura” we women all want to see in our men. Help him be your hero and he’s not going to go anywhere anytime soon.

      1. 76.1.1


        … say give him space?….be careful, you may get excommunicated for saying that…!!



  17. 77

    Here’s a thought: a woman can call a man after sex.

    1. 77.1

      …….men have to do the chasing…..

      1. 77.1.1

        Why. women want equal jobs and voting rights.

    2. 77.2

      It only applies if the guy is super open minded and likes a woman in charge someone to dominate him  and drive the relationship, I’ve only met two guys that would wait for me to ring and they where nice as pie but really desperate

      1. 77.2.1


        ..just wondering why you didn’t keep these men that would wait for you to ring, and were nice as pie….

  18. 78

    ..women do want equal jobs and voting rights….men still do the chasing….a dating coach can answer that better than I can….

  19. 79

    Personally I’ll call or drop a quick text, saying I enjoyed myself. However, if his or her (yes ,I’m Bi) reply is short or lack luster… I give them their space and put the ball in their court. It’s either they do or either they don’t. I’ve had a few call or text weeks later saying hi, but I’m petty 😂😂 and will either ignore them or text back “who is this”… Due to the fact that I refuse to keep anyone’s number if they can’t think of me enough to check in and at least say hi.

    And ladies, please stop thinking that ” WYD” texts means he’s thinking of you!!! He’s just trying to hit it again!!!! Trust it will lead to something about sex lol!

  20. 80

    “…and sometimes get a little action. And yes, I was always in pursuit of a long-term relationship. I just didn’t want to deprive myself entirely of sexual activity until I fell in love.”

    There is no self respecting woman who should listen to this advice. A man plays like he practices, and this man, EMK, has clearly demonstrated that he is committed to feelings, rather than people. If you practice using women for their bodies, you will never, ever know the depths of a woman in friendship…and friendship is what makes for lasting success in marriage.

    I can’t imagine honest women settling for the whimpering offerings of inferior men…unless they think that what is mentioned in this article is as good as it gets.  It gets better if you believe better. If you believe that you deserve a friend who will do anything to know you, rather than anything to take your pants off, you will find such a man.

    The limitless splendor of your mind and heart are worth so much more than a fleeting feeling. But, if you settle for those feelings, you will preclude any chance of a man getting to know the real you that lives on after you (and your vagina) die.

    You are worth getting to know. You are worth the sacrifice of temporary pleasure, because you are a woman, the bearer of life. You are worth defending and protecting, not using and abusing like a common drug. It doesn’t feel good to be tossed away after a man’s body says, ” I am completely committed and unified with you”. Stop putting yourself in that awful, awful position.

    You deserve lasting success and fulfillment within your relationships, and you will only get what you deserve when you plan for it. If you want commitment and enduring friendship, practice that on yourself and with the men in your life. Don’t accept inferior offerings that would prevent a man focusing on what he has to offer you in a lasting relationship. Honey, you won’t find men who last in the sack.

    Everyone has sex to offer, and if lasting marriages were built on it, everyone would be happy and together. Since that is clearly not the case, let a man get creative in displaying his desire for you. If he hasn’t shown you all that he is made of, and if he hasn’t proven that he can learn and grow with you for a lifetime, he does not deserve your most intimate knowledge.

    Sex is the culmination of our creative desire because that is where new human life comes from. Think of Einstein, Tesla, or anyone who has had a profound impact on humanity… This is the power of your creative capacity. Unless a man has displayed his creativity in ways that reveal his character and his ability to love you completely for a lifetime, the act of sex will be a lie.

    Sex says, “I want our love to grow”. Making babies is growing love, so if you have no earthly desire for that love to grow and to continue, find another way to express yourself.  The world needs more creativity, more respect, more mindfulness, more real men, and more women who believe that they are worth the wait.

    The world doesn’t need more children who are mistrusting of love and who grow up in broken homes. The world doesn’t need more women who fear and scorn their ability to create new life. The world doesn’t need more men who practice using women for their bodies.

    Is it any coincidence that men and women historically cannot remain friends after sex? For humans, sex creates a powerful powerful bond that says, “we are together, we are unified.”  Chemically speaking, that is what your brain experiences after making love. This is a good thing, in the context of real love in marriage, because it helps a man and woman remain bonded through their trials. Like raising children, overcoming tragedy and loss, and persevering through myriad difficulties. I’m telling you, when we plan for it, sex is beyond amazing!

    If you would not claim all of a man, to include his values, his behaviors, his actions and beliefs, then do not lay claim to all of his body. If you do, you will be tricked into feeling that you are in love. “A man finds love through sex”– I’ll just be over in the corner, vomiting. Forgive the loose paraphrase, I have neither time nor mind to revisit that garbage.

    If a relationship is not lasting, fruitful, enduring and healing, it cannot be love because love is all of those things. Love does not say, ” I am kinda bored with you, and I know I said all those things, but this just isn’t happening.” That quote comes from cowardice. That quote leads to kids who have no faith in lasting love, which is a crime. True love actually says, “I am renewed in each moment with you, and I cannot wait for our next adventure together.”

    If you can’t get a man excited about the adventure of knowing you completely, of growing with you spiritually, mentally and emotionally, and preparing himself to accommodate the gift of God that is you for a lifetime, he has no business in your body. If you can’t get a man excited about the limitless adventure in your heart and soul, he is a boor and has nothing of value to offer.

    A real man will protect your virtue and cherish your divinity. A real man will extend himself and learn all there is to know about himself before he even meets you; this way, he can give himself fully to you. This real man will not have found himself in other women’s vaginas. Would you argue? Would you want all of those other women’s insecurities, inferiority, jealousy and neediness?  That is exactly what you receive if you accept the puny and emasculated offering of what inferior men will provide.

    We are not just physical beings, but are energy condensed. Our thoughts and beliefs are intrinsic with our physical form, even though you cannot see them. Because of this, we do not just exchange bodily fluids in coitus, but we swap our thought forms. If a man and a woman are having sex because they are seeking fulfillment outside of themselves, what sort of thought forms do you think they will exchange. Do you want any part of that?  If not, change your standards. Change your expectations. Take some time away from the bullshit game of drug abuse via humans, and allow yourself some space to heal. Prepare yourself for the lasting love that you desire and deserve; don’t wast another day.

    I know this is a lot to take in, but at least consider the idea that you are worth more than what has been labeled as standard. It may seem a little radical even, but when you think about what has become standard…we could use a radical shift in the way that we live. If you want to settle for the brokenness, the divorce, the dejected and forgotten children, and the tiny men… That is your choice. Just know that there is a better way.

    Peace, love and babies-  Dan

    1. 80.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      Holy crap, what a long-winded, self-righteous narcissistic piece of drivel.

      Get off your high horse and go start your own blog, catered to the fictional universe where men only have sex when they’re in love.

      1. 80.1.1

        I believe you need to refresh yourself on the definitions of the words you attempted to attack my character with.
        I do have a blog, and I posted this commentary on it. I also will post your derisive response, along with the fact that you sensor dissenting opinions on FB. For someone who coaches women to success in relationships, your response to wholesome, time-tested relationship advice is perplexing.
        My message ” Women, you are worth more than what is being offered to you”.  Your response- ” What a self righteous and narcissistic piece of drivel.”  Hmmmm…
        Wishing you the best,
        Daniel Dowling

        1. Karmic Equation

          Written like a man who can only get sex with commitment.
          Men who deride other men for their ability to get sex without commitment have issues of their own. That jealousy, couched in self-righteous indignation on behalf of women is just a front.
          Ugly men want women to only have sex within committed relationships because that is the ONLY way ugly men can get sex.
          Take a look in the mirror, dude. If you looked like Bradley Cooper or Channing Tatum, you’d laugh yourself silly at what you just wrote.
          All derisiveness aside, it’s unfortunate, but it’s a fact, good looking men with chiseled features to go along with their chiseled abs, can get just about any woman to forget about her moral high ground. Just as it is a fact that hot women can be batshit crazy and get relationships from good looking and/or rich men without trying.
          It is what it is. Get thee to a plastic surgeon or to the gym and you won’t have to be so obsequious to have a chance at sex with attractive women.

        2. Evan Marc Katz

          Dan, you can do whatever you want with your wholesome, time-tested relationship advice. We’re clearly talking to two different populations here. In other words, you have every right to your opinion. You have every right to remain chaste. You have every right to do whatever you want on your blog and counsel women as you see fit. But I don’t know of any reason that you should have the right to insult me on MY blog and MY Facebook fan page. I don’t come to your workplace and put a post it note on your desk that says that you suck at your job. That’s exactly what you did to me. So I have no compunction about cutting you off. The internet is big enough for the both of us. Let’s make sure our paths never cross again.

        3. Buck25

          “…wholesome, time tested relationship advice…”


          Is that what you suppose the pompous, self-serving, judgmental, pandering lot of bloviating you just posted is? In what universe? Certainly not the one most of us inhabit!

          Going to tell on us in your little blog? Listen buddy, I don’t care if you have a million readers; what you just posted here, (along with your not-so-veiled threat directed at our host) reveals you to be just another bag of hot air, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing…and a bit of a crybaby to boot! You calling anyone else a “coward”? What a joke, coming from one who gets his self-esteem from his internet fan club!

          I think KE sized you up perfectly, Dan; just another pathetic, obsequious Beta male, pandering to women’s commitment fantasies in (I suspect), a mostly futile attempt to actually get  laid (something I doubt you could do on a slow night in a Bangkok cathouse, without a fat wallet in your pocket). Then you respond to Evan like an internet bully? A little thin-skinned, and insecure as well, perhaps?

          Incidentally Dan, I’ve enjoyed sex with a lot of women in my lifetime, both inside and outside of committed relationships, and I have to tell you, ALL of it was pretty damn good! Then again, that’s true of most real men in the real universe, where commitment (or the promise of it) is something we offer up when we want to, not the only way to get the key to the nookie. Interesting that you come to a primarily female-oriented blog, to lecture your fellow men on “proper male behavior”. What’s the matter, little boy?  Still looking for mommy’s approval?

          Go post THAT on your blog! Maybe some of your female fans will dry your butt-hurt eyes and even wipe your snotty nose for you as well, you blubbering, condescending prick!! And don’t go away mad, just…GO!


      2. 80.1.2
        Laura Noelle

        Dear Mr. Katz,

        I know many masculine, handsome, desirable men who have attained the self mastery needed to resist transient pleasure for long term fulfillment. Although this nobility in men is not portrayed in mainstream media, it exists nevertheless. 

        Statistics show the best way to guarantee a call after sex is by having already made a total gift of self in marriage.

        Any sex outside of marriage epitomizes the greatest fears held by men and women. A woman’s greatest fear is that she is neither desirable nor worthy of authentic love, and thus will settle for less than what she deserves. A man fears his ability to make a commitment, and thus emasculates himself by letting fear control him. Extra-marital sex is when fears collide. It is not an act of love, but of cowardice. Cowardice doesn’t cease to become cowardice because it is commonplace.

        Marriages in which the couples were pure while dating are statistically proven to have better sex lives, and a significantly greater chance of  lasting, happy marriages.

        If it is love that we all desire, let us not settle for less. Men are entirely capable of making this sacrifice. Women are worthy to make this sacrifice for.

  21. 81

    I’ve read this thread with so much attention and just want to say this: there’s only one right man for you, or only one right woman for you, but you won’t find them until you’re ready.

    Many of these dates, friends with benefits, guys that never call again after a first date or after sex, etc, they appear in your life not at random, but because they’re showing you lessons you need to learn about YOURSELF!

    So stop analysing why they do what they do or they are how they are, and start looking at yourself. You need to love yourself first before you find the right person. And whist you don’t do this, the universe will keep bringing you the same type of guys/gals over and over again. Their name and face change, but they’re the same story all over again.

    So stop and listen to what is happening. Why are you attracting guys that never call after sex and/or are emotionally unavailable? Are you emotionally available for a relationship??? Maybe you think you are and you are not, that’s why you keep attracting these guys. Law of Attraction, anyone!?

    So stop blaming these guys/gals and have a deep look into yourself. Do the inner work you need to do, keep dating and see people you meet as mirrors of yourself and see the lessons as lessons.

    When you love yourself and are ready for a relationship, the right guy/gal will come into your life. And then things will happen naturally, with no drama, no “commitment talk”, no “waiting for him to call but he didn’t”, etc. It will just flow.

  22. 82

    It’s been my experience,  that the world is revolving and many dating traditions are being lost in it. I was divorced and didn’t start dating until about 2 years afterwards. Never haven been single since being a teen, i had absolutely no idea how to date. What I have learned is that ppl put a huge amount of EVERYTHING INTO SEX….This is for the women,  STOP IT,  JUST BECAUSE YOU GAVE HIM SOME KATT DOESN’T MEAN YOU GAVE HIM EVERYTHING. YOU’RE MORE THAN YOUR TWAT. I don’t put much into the act of sex,  it’s beautiful and with the right person,  it can be magnetic. But think about it,  the average sex session last about 30 to 45 mins, an orgasms last for less than a min. I take more time preparing dinner…If women can get to a place of POWER, there would be way less emotional turmoil. Sex is an act, managing a relationship is where your true power lies, the katt is only going to hold a man’s attention for so long,  they have absolutely no ties to it at all,  they can go have sex with anyone and soothe that craving,  so stop looking at it like it’s the end all. You should be in it for the big O, not for marriage. If you change your mentality,  you’d be amazed.

    The first time I had sex with a guy After my divorce,  I waited,  did the whole courtship thing,  and he waited me out. I was sure we were in a relationship,  and he was into me….They’ll wait a year for what they want,  but if it’s all they want,  after its over,  then it’s over. We had sex,  phone calls stop coming,  text stopped,  he basically stepped off….lol…..but needles to say,  I never called him afterwards. I waited to see where his intentions were,he didn’t call for a month, then out of the blue,  he calls and says I haven’t heard from you. ….blank stare……lol….we never got together again after I told him I wasn’t interested in him. He asked if he pleased me,  I lied, told him no. Lol…and even today I can’t get him to go away….i think that’s an ego thing….initially it hurt me  but I learned something very valuable,  you do have to fall back if you’re looking to be chosen, you have to let him choose you….there’s nothing you can do. But when it comes to Sex,  you have to disconnect that from you trail to be married….it should really be just for the big O, and it can be done. I’m not saying let loose and give every man your treasure,  but if you want an Orgasm get one expecting nothing in return,  if you’re not capable,  the get some toys and don’t have sex until you get the ring. BTW, the moron said I was the best he ever had,  and it took him a while to realize what a great woman I was….BLAH BLAH BLAH….fool me once! My guess is,  he was just looking for another round.

    In a relationship I know I bring alot to the table,  spiritually,  emotionally, and physically,  so if a man comes just for the sex,  it’s his lost not mine, because I’m way more than Ms. Kitty…..she’s an extra bonus. If you know who you are and where your true power comes from,  no man will be able to take that away,  so tap into that ladies. I’m now in a committed relationship with a man that absolutely adores me and when we first has sex, i was truly just looking to get laid…call it luck,  or whatever,  but he could have left and never called and I would have been just fine. At then end of the day,  it’s all a gamble,  you have to decide how much you’re willing to lose.

  23. 83

    I also wouldn’t sleep with a girl unless I liked her. As in wanted a relationship with her. (hence being 28 and only having slept with 2 people)

    I also won’t believe next date is coming until I hear by text/call as people will tell you what you want to hear in person.

    At this present point I am waiting for that text/call that post late night encounter we are still good.

    Everything points to another date… But I don’t believe it until it happens..


    However I know I’m not the typical guy myself!

  24. 84
    Happy hard man

    How To Guarantee A Guy Calls You After Sex
    Another carefully worded question designed to maybe not get the right answer she is afraid of.

    The real words in this question when she wrote this in her mind is “What kinds of sex acts should I do to guarantee he will call me after”

    1. 84.1


      …a man might call after sex, if she shows enthusiasm in bed/touches her partner/side to side movement, etc….

    2. 84.2

      It’s true how dirty the sex was will get him to call you back men are shallow like that sex is everything . You may as well be a awful person but if the sex is awesome he will call you back

  25. 85

    Yet another question from a female when the answer is so simple and not what they want to hear and usually never accept as true.

    Men are ALL about GREAT sex and not “making love” all the time.  When a woman sleeps with a man for the first time she better rock his world get down and dirty and slut out. Get him hooked on you like candy to a baby. After you got him hooked them you can move into the making love area. Men do like to make love, sexually satisfing women and not just bang like a jack hammer with advanced sex acts and toys in the mix.  BUT he want to know you will go the extra mile to sexually satisfy him and not put he own needs at the head of the line. Problem is women can only “rock his world” with lots of sexual experience slash practice. A.K.A slutting out.

    If anyone asked here on whatever this is called “men could you fall in love with a slut and would you marry a slut” with an explanation of the difference of a slut vs. a whore (prostitute)  and the men answered honestly women would be shocked and lash out with denying responses.

    1. 85.1


      ..I agree with you, however,  the truth is, more than 60% of women are unaware of bedroom techniques……..what is a man to do?…


      1. 85.1.1

        There is always a another slut…  Good thing the whatever percentage of good sluts are so slutty.. What’s a girl to do?

        1. hunter

          …not sure I understand your response….

      2. 85.1.2

        “…what is man to do…”


        Educate them if we can, while making sure our own skills aren’t lacking, so we’re giving at least as good as we’re getting, whatever the woman’s level of bedroom expertise. Of course, there’s no educating the ones who aren’t willing to learn, but a good many are, if we’re giving them what they need…

        1. hunter

          buck25….finding the ones that can be educated is the difficult part….”if we’re giving them what they need?”…how so?…


        2. Buck25

          “How so?


          Assuming our technique is good,  and we are patient, especially with regards to foreplay, we can usually get a woman to respond well, even if she’s not terribly knowledgeable (even about her own body). Once we get her doing that, so she’s really enjoying sex, ( you’d be amazed how many never really have before), then it’s easier to get her to communicate more openly. Once she does that, she’s usually more receptive to being taught things that enhance the experience further, for her, and for us. I hate to have to say this, but I’ve run across women who had multiple guys not really care whether the experience was good for the woman at all. Obviously that doesn’t exactly inspire a lot of confidence in the idea that a man might actually want sex to be a great experience for her. The good news is, that once she sees we actually do, and knows we aren’t judging her, she’ll often open up, verbally and physically. Doesn’t always work, but I’ve had several who went from almost clueless to really good lover in a short period of time, with a little encouragement. Bear in mind, some of these women have been told by former “lovers” that they were cold, “frigid”, etc. I remember one, who when we got to the point of getting intimate, flat told me she didn’t think she was “any good at this”; seems she had an ex-husband and two subsequent boyfriends who told her she was “a frigid bitch” because she never had orgasms. As it turned out, she was one of the most responsive women I’ve ever had, and turned out to be frequently multi-orgasmic! She didn’t know very much in the beginning, but there was nothing wrong with her; the truth was, that these three idiots hadn’t cared enough to help her get there (apparently, none of them understood the importance of foreplay, among other things).

          I won’t say there aren’t women out there who are unresponsive,  have a lot of difficulty coming to orgasm, etc., under the best of circumstances; there are. That said, a truly “frigid” (as in anorgasmic) woman is comparatively rare. ( The woman who says she’s not sure if she’s ever had an orgasm…hasn’t. Doesn’t mean she can’t, though.) Honestly, we’re more likely to find the woman someone (or several someones) mishandled before us, and find ourselves having to repair what someone else messed up.

  26. 86

    Would if u both agreed to a mutual friends with benefits because u both aren’t looking for anything to serious but u both are very attracted to one another. If there any hopes that it can last?

    1. 86.1
      Karmic Equation

      In other words, you changed your mind and now want it to be “serious”?

      You have to let him know you changed your mind and ask him how he feels.

      If he also changed his mind and asks you IMMEDIATELY for exclusivity as soon as you tell him that, then you’re golden.

      However, if says anything along the lines of “That’s nice, let’s see how it goes.”

      Then you need to end the FWB, because that’s code for “No, but I don’t want to say no, because I still want to have sex with you until I don’t want to anymore.”

      1. 86.1.1

        well its great right now with nothing serious for the both of us. Is there any hope later in the future that we can still be something more? I haven’t changed my mind yet I think hes a great guy but not looking for anything serious right now because of where were at right now in our lives but I would like to know that maybe one day id could lead to more


    2. 86.2

      some women do this, because they think they can handle it….


  27. 87

    It’s true.  And it’s a hard lesson.  Be sure you, as a woman, have a commitment with a guy before you have sex.  (if you want to ever stand a chance at seeing him again) Otherwise, you’re just play.  Forever.

  28. 88

    Sexual chemistry is the glue that keeps a relationship together during the tough times. Men want to know if the two of you are compatible in bed. Men can be turned off a woman by the SMELL of her, however much she scrubs herself beforehand.

    Sleeping with you is really to see if you have a powerful sexual connection. Ladies, get over yourselves already and how are you so emotionally invested with a man anyway when you barely know him??? Enjoy the sex (would you want to be with a man who’s terrible in bed anyway??? Only one way to find out how he is in the sack: by sleeping with him!) and the rest will follow or not.

    Men are freaked out generally because women are such control freaks. DON’T TRY TO CONTROL THE MAN IN YOUR LIFE who you barely know anyway! Enjoy dating and making love and CHILL OUT already!

  29. 89
    Jane doe

    I’ve seen where men say they are in a committed relationship only to find out the have a lady in every port or even in the same town ! It’s all a gamble and you have to learn to trust your instincts and listen to them cs ifnoring thrm


    if he’s being a flake then there is your answer. Speak and most men will tell you the truth

  30. 90

    So sorry for the victims.

    To ensure you never experience disappointment in a relationship is to ensure you never involve in it. Be it sex, made out, and the like.

    The best is to wait for sex after marriage couple with the fear of God because you are born again. Let him know. If he can not wait do not compromise. There are those guys out there who will value you and support you couple with fear of God in their out.


    Rules can break.

    Let God guide you.

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