I Make $40K And My Girlfriend Never Offers To Pay For Anything

My Girlfriend Never Offers To Pay For AnythingHello Evan. I recently started dating a girl. I really enjoy her company and she enjoys mine. We get along fine, we’re really into each other and we share many commonalities. There’s only one issue – money! I have absolutely no problems taking her out on dates and footing the bill 100% but we’ve been on about 5 dates and we’ve hung out with mutual friends on numerous occasions, but she never even offers to pay – not even a disingenuous offer. I understand that if we are happy, then money is a small price to pay, but I barely finished college and only make $40,000 a year. I cannot afford to spend $200 every weekend. I mean, even when we’re not on dates, she expects me to pay. I don’t know how she got this old fashioned mindset, but it’s really starting to bug me. Personally, I work just as hard as she does for my money and I don’t find it fair but at the same time, I find it too early in the relationship to bring it up. I just don’t want her getting the idea that I’m ok with it or that she can take advantage.


I don’t even expect her to pay half. If we go out to dinner, I’ll pay for the date and the dinner, but the least she could do is pay for our ice cream or maybe buy me a single drink? I want to have that feeling, like if we’re at a bar and my girl comes up to me and asks me what I want. It’s like she has my back. It’s not about the cash- it’s more about being appreciated and not taken advantage of. I do not know how to approach the situation. I know she is going to explode if I bring it up, but how much of this should I take? I am not cheap, but at the same time, I am not made out of money. Does it make me a bad person to be thinking this way? I am somewhat of a liberal, progressive thinker, and her traditional mindset seems backwards to me. Advice? –David

We’ve established that men and women are equal.

Thank you, David, for writing a question that addresses the very hypocrisy of modern-day dating.

We’ve established that men and women are equal.

We’ve established that women are more highly educated and (often) make more money than their male counterparts.

We’ve established that the concept of men paying for dates came from a time when women didn’t work and therefore men HAD to pay.

Which leads this blog to receive comments that read like this:

“In our society, it has always been customary for a man to pay for a woman’s dinner. Men are wired to protect, and take care of a woman. If he doesn’t want to pay for dinner that is a glimpse into his character and/or how he was raised. Any self-respecting woman should steer clear of such a man. It doesn’t matter if she has decided not to see him again before she even picks up her fork. If he is a gentlemen, he will gladly pay and expect nothing in return.”

Anyone who feels that way should go back and read David’s letter.

Stop acting like you’re six-years-old and don’t have a purse with cash and credit cards in it.

This is a liberal, progressive thinker – a good man of modest means – who is trying to do the “right thing” and pick up the check as the anachronistic rules of chivalry still dictate.

He’s not railing against the concept of picking up the tab while he’s courting her – he’s just annoyed that he feels taken for granted. And when a woman never reaches for the check, offers to split, or insists on picking up the tip, the cab, or the coffee afterwards, it can really start to wear on a guy.

I am a man. You are a woman. You are not poor or helpless or dependent.

So stop acting like you’re six-years-old and don’t have a purse with cash and credit cards in it.

Stop acting like he should be thrilled to drain his account in hopes that he might procure a good night kiss.

Stop acting like you’re not really his equal when you want to be treated equally in every other respect.

As I said here, if we can agree it’s in good form for a man to pick up the check while courting you, we should also be able to agree that it’s in good form for a woman to offer to split the check and/or insist on picking up the check while he’s courting you.

If you think it’s rude when men don’t pay, we think it’s rude when you assume we will pay.

It’s basic golden-rule stuff, y’all.

I’m not expecting much dissent on this one, but if you’re brave enough to explain why the original poster David is wrong, cheap, or short-sighted, have at it.

Personally, I think he speaks for just about every man I’ve ever met who got sick of being an ATM.

Here was my breaking point – when some woman intimated that she was my “sugar mama” after I allowed her to split the check on our fourth date.

And you think that women are the only ones who get burned out on dating…




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  1. 331

    Women want the best men ,not a jerky gigolo who think her girl has the obligation to give something in return For the way he treat her.

    1. 331.1

      The same can be said for a good women. 

      Men don’t want dinner whores. 

  2. 332

    I agree that a woman should let a guy pay for the first date or two but after that should regularly kick in, significantly. 
    I’ve always found it hard, though to figure out financial in long-term romances. I always have more money than the men I’m with and so once we’re in a relationship, I pay more… as I think is fair.  But it’s funny how these guys can become increasingly comfortable with my money as time passes (yes, I know that men have to put up with this in relationships, too… I’m not saying that one gender is more inherently likely to take advantage than another).   But while women who expect men to pay can become entitled and ungrateful, I’ve always found that guys who expect their woman to pay become not just entitled and ungrateful, but also harbour an underlying resentment bc they don’t “feel like men.”  It’s pretty exhausting, actually.

  3. 333

    You sound like a fair person. You are a treasure because you do not take others for granted. I also appreciate the word “Entitled.” That is what I have a problem with is a sense of entitlement and ungratefulness. Not just in this case but in general. I am ALWAYS a grateful person and never take someones else kindness for granted. I can cook, do laundry, iron, the lawn,  and clean also. There is nothing wrong with switching it up on occasion. I was raised to believe that no one HAS to do anything. I truly respect and appreciate the things a person does for me. There are also those who prey upon others and will take advantage of the situation. They take a persons kindness for weakness.  My ex and I made a good income. She made more at one point and than i made more in the end. I have seen situations where it seemed to be a competition. Two people should be a team and not resent the other for doing better. It would be perfection to be with another person that is equally involved in our happiness and relationship.

  4. 334
    Synchronize Your Dogmas

    This was one long read, it took me almost one full day. Anyways, my thoughts on the matter:
    “Thuy-An @292 and Philly Ashley @299
    This is just me my thought. (…) If he shows that I deserve all and no matter what he’s not cheap with me in any way, that make me feel special.”
    Special? I’m not sure how you people date, but when I date I always assume that we both find each other interesting and special enough to go on a date. You’re not doing me a favor by showing up (and if you think you’re, please decline in the first place). You honestly think that I’m an interesting person that you would like to get to know better. As such, you’re not entitled to assume that I need to jump through hoops to impress you with anything (paying for the date) that I don’t intend to keep on doing forever. I’m not buying your company. We’re enjoying each others’ company. So I think that your approach rules out a lot of nice guys, that just don’t think a women that shows up for a date is to be put on a pedestal (which rules out all the great guys, who are not players, that have no problems finding dates). I always pay for the first, second, and third date (upper middle class), but by then I assume that you know me enough, and enjoy my company enough to maybe think about offering to split the bill (and I’ll probably decline, but note to myself that you don’t take me for granted and you’re ALSO a generous person). If you’re not even suggesting, or making any other meaningful gesture (maybe bringing me that nice book we were talking about in date two, that you thought I should read, or something that you got while walking around that reminded you of me), then you’re probably not meant for me. Because if I’m looking for someone to share my life with, I want her to be able to share too.
    One last thing: my (very) limited experience has showed me that women with such rigid traditional mentality tend to be rigid in other parts of the relationship, often using sex as leverage or reward for good behavior. 

  5. 335

    I have to admit that I have stopped seeing a few women due to them looking the other way when the bill comes.
    I was dating this one woman for about 3 months and she never offered once to pay but she made more than I did. It was interesting that we would go out and then the next day let me know how much money she spent on herself the next day at the mall.
    Gentlemen, if the woman you are dating does not at least offer to pay for something on the 3rd date then they have no respect for you and you should let her go.
    Think of it this way: Each date will cost a minimum of $100.00 and if you go on 3 then it’s $300.00 and of course you may get a kiss. That’s expensive prostitution.

  6. 336
    Sparkling Emerald

    Robert @ 348 – “Think of it this way: Each date will cost a minimum of $100.00 and if you go on 3 then it’s $300.00 and of course you may get a kiss. That’s expensive prostitution.”
    Robert, you have NO imagination if you can’t think of a way to go out and have fun for under $100.  I prefer the early dates to be low cost, or no cost.  I would rather go for a walk in the park, a bike ride, or a hike up a mountain, than to some fancy schmancy pricey venue.  I don’t think I am the only girl in the universe who feels this way. I prefer the early dates to be about getting to know each other, rather than some guy trying to impress me with what’s in his wallet. 
    I would prefer to go to a free Sunday concert in the park, and only expect to enjoy each other’s company, than to be taken to some high priced 5 star restaurant, and then be expected to pay for it, either by splitting the bill, or giving the guy sex.

  7. 337

    I would suggest kissing a woman at the end of the first date. If you are upset at how slow things move physically you can change that. Also, you definitely do not need to spend $100 on each date.

  8. 338

    He should tell her as soon as possible about his concerns, so that she could stop wasting time with him and find a real man. You don’t have to spend 200$ a week, just don’t date women you can’ t afford to take on a date. Find somebody who puts up with less and be happy.

  9. 339
    Sparkling Emerald

    Musya – She is being a spoiled brat.  There is no reason for her to demand such an extravagant lifestyle from him.  If anything, in the case, him being a “real man” would entail him putting his foot down and not putting up with her nonsense.

  10. 340
    David K

    I’ve been seeing this woman for about a month now. Every time we go out to eat I always end up paying. When the bill comes, she just smiles, checks her phone, or sits back. She does thank me but that’s not the point. I don’t mind paying here and there. But the fact that she doesn’t even offer to pay or contribute irritates me. I think women should offer. It would be a real cool gesture. To me as a man if she did that I’d feel like she appreciates me…

  11. 341
    faded jade

    David K @ 340 – Does she contribute in other ways ? Has she ever provided tickets for anything or cooked for you ? Ever brought a dish to a pot luck party ?

  12. 342

    I always foot the bill when I take my girlfriend out. Notice, I’M taking HER out, thus, I foot the bill. If a woman were to ask ME out, then SHE’D be responsible for the bill.

  13. 343

    My boyfriend and I split everything 50/50. If one of us pays for something for the other, we save the receipt and and add it all up every so often and he usually ends up owing me money so he writes me a check. We have been dating 6 months and we have been on two dates to see theater shows, and on those nights he payed for dinner and tickets. I’m always picking up little things for his house that I feel weird asking him to pay me back for and sometimes I cook for him too. I’d say on the whole I have probably spent more money and time doing things for him than he has for me and I probably make a lot less than he does. I’m not sure if he realizes it though. For example, I made him a special custom tree-topper for his Christmas tree and I paid for the crafting materials to make it and spent my own time on it. Then again, he probably drives us places slightly more than I do so that’s his gas money. Just asking if there are other things she is contributing that you don’t think about.

  14. 344

    Hahaha- how many comments are here- and I shall add one more. This dude sounds like a sweetie and his girl is either totally blinded by her ego or upbringing…or indifferent to his generosity, which is sad and plain mean.
    I definitely spend the most money in my realtionship with my guy and it has nothing to do with my income as I have a very small one…his is larger but he has child support which I know is a big chunk of his income. If I have money in my pocket, I suggest a dinner out at a ‘nicer’ place and am quite honest about it, saying ‘I have cash today, let’s go out’. He has rarely paid for dinners out. What he does do, which I consider just as important, if not more, is give his time when I need it, such as pick up things in his truck or do errands I don’t have time for etc…a type of giving that isn’t picking up a cheque. It works well and we both appreciate each other.
    And I am quite happy with a ‘date’ that involves eating ice cream in bed- which is often my choice too- where we both make a huge effort to put out well- which makes for a great realtionship, both physically and emotionally.

  15. 345

    I read in a Miss Manners book that while men have traditionally paid for meals, drinks, etc., women have also traditionally reciprocated by inviting men in for drinks, making dinners/desserts at home, offering up tickets that are already paid for, etc.  I think the problem is that sometimes women forget to look for ways to contribute to the date and a result, the man feels like he is being taken advantage of.  I’m a proponent of finding ways where men and women can be equal partners in dating, but at the same time take on distinctly masculine and feminine roles.  

  16. 346

    Well, I’m pretty easy going about this stuff.  I like my guy to pay of the first few dates and then I absolutely either take turns with bills and show my guy just how much I appreciate him in small and thoughtful ways.  But I need advice on what to do with the male gold-diggers.  Since I online date I’ve taken to lying about my earning and position just so that I don’t attract those guys but I’ve come across too many men who start out great and then really start taking far more than they’re putting in, monetarily or otherwise.  Obviously, it doesn’t last long but I’m sick of it.  Where on earth have these Gold Digger guys come from?  It’s pathetic.

  17. 347

    Just got Evan’s “Do you equate money with love” blog entry and really wanted to respond to that, but can’t see a way to do so. This looks like the next best thing.
    First of all, I myself feel a little weird having someone else pay my way consistently, UNLESS they are bidding for that position in my life. That doesn’t happen often.
    That being said, I make little money myself, which for me adds to the weird effect. I think it is perfectly fine to split the check initially BUT this should be cleared in advance of selecting the locale. I went on one date, I thought, where the gentleman selected the locale and told the waitress to write separate checks when ordering. Fine, except this place was out of my league and I was not consulted in advance. We are still friends, and now he often picks up the check!
    Worse, my ex started out by treating me to everything. He even took me clothes shopping, which was completely new to me. I didn’t think he was rich, but he did seem to want to take care of me, which I was ready for at that point. Fast forward to post-marriage and come to find out he wasn’t even keeping up with his basic bills! My take: he had totally misrepresented himself and put my financial future at risk at the same time.
    I would much rather know up front who I am dating. I don’t really have a need to go out for dinner. Anyplace which offers a chance at conversation is a good start. And if you pull out a coupon, I can deal with that. I did think the guy who took the doggy bag home on the first date was less than suave, but appreciated that I knew who he was and did see him again. Unfortunately his story about bouncing a check because the bank didn’t recognize the same holiday schedule as his personal software – so it was their fault – did throw up a red flag regarding fiscal discipline.
    Now here is the catch. I often hear and read that I am a low-value catch because I don’t demand a man just hand over his wallet. In fact, most seemingly decent guys seem to buy into this, too, as they can’t do enough for those women who take it all as their due while their guys put in yet another extra shift to pay for it all. So is that what the good guys really do prefer?

  18. 348

    Women that always expect the man to pay are gold-diggers. I have a former roommate that takes advantage of people thus way and can afford ten vacations a year. But she must have no self-respect. It’s sad, because there shouldn’t be any rules about who pays, just like there shouldn’t be any rules about sex being owed. I’ve dated several girls that made way more than me. Sometimes they paid, sometimes I paid.

    Also, whomever makes the plans could offer to pay. If the girl asks the guy out, why’s it his job to pay for the first date?

    1. 348.1
      Karmic Equation

      @Adam 348

      I think a girl should offer to pay half on any date, first or otherwise. If a guy gets offended, then he’s filtered himself out. If a guy accepts, np. If a guy says “No, you can get it next time,” he’s worth dating again a second time. There was only one guy that did this that I didn’t date a second time. He left it up to me to set up the second date and I wasn’t attracted enough to him to go through the effort of that. However, had he actually called or texted me to organize the second date, I would have gone out with him again and paid as I had agreed to.

      So if it’s tit-for-tat that you want, Adam, then pick up the tab on the first date and go the “You can pay the next time” route and then call and set up the second date. If she’s a woman of her word, she’ll pay without blinking an eye. If she plays dumb, then you can filter her out. Hopefully, you scheduled a date comparable in cost to the original date you paid for. And of course, if you don’t like her, you don’t have to call to schedule a second date. Sure you’re out a little money from the first date. That’s a small price to pay to spend an evening with an attractive woman who’s indicated she finds you attractive enough to meet you.

      Ladies, for me personally, offering to pay or actually paying my half of a first date is liberating. You never feel that you “took advantage” of him as he chose to pay of his own free will. And if you’re not attracted to him, you don’t feel obligated to go on a second date with him. You discharged that obligation by paying (or offereing to pay) your half.

      And if you’re “old school” and *expect* the man to pay, and he happily lets you pay your half when you offer, then you know he doesn’t share that particular value and can use that data point to help you decide whether or not you’re willing to go on a second date with him (assuming he offers). And if he doesn’t call, so what. You paid a small price to find out HJNTIY.

  19. 349

    I think men who never cook and never offer to clean or do laundry should pay for dates. If these are “woman jobs” then getting the bill is a “man job”. If you want a woman to do traditional woman duties around the home then how dare you not treat her traditionally outside of the home?

  20. 350

    Well princess, that is called:

    Feeling entitled (which is the reason men hate it, because it means you are worth more than men, which is VERY VERY VERY WRONG…even from a biological standpoint, as the human race is not about to die out, so the reproductive standpoint that men could impregnate many women while a woman can only have one child at a time is not important!)

    As for it being biologically so that the man has to woo/court the woman and do cartwheels and jump if she tells him so (which is exactly what wanting to have your way payed for you is IMO):

    Should we not RISE ABOVE THAT? – Are we still basically animals (biologically: yeah, of course)? Do we need to behave like people from the middle ages because of it?

    No, and you wouldn’t want us men to either, because then your freedom would be taken from you, too (no more owning property, going to work and not raise children for example – amongst other things)…

    So why do you want to keep this outdated custom?

    Probably because you – like many women – think that you are in fact better then men (newsflash: you are not!), worth more and you are allowed to pick only the good things of your (justified – at least back then, when it started) fight for equality with men (yeah: you should be treated equally, I agree, but in all things – no more lower standards, no more looking the other way for you, no more taking only the good things, no more having your way payed for you) and leave the bad things out (you refuse to grow up in a way – what you want is to be treated like a child but having a say (without us being allowed to ignore what you say, like we would probably disregard what a child tells us to do) at the same time)…

    And that leads me to my last point:

    If you aren’t worth more than men, how do you justify taking advantage of us (and the old fashioned education some of us have)?

    I don’t think you really can…but it’s good that you are honest (hell, if a woman does not even offer to pay her share like at a restaurant: what she ate, at the movies/theater/opera etc. her ticket, at the club her entrance fee etc.) is not dating material anyway…hell, if you start out like this, then I know that in a longer relationship (note: don’t ever want to get married, too many failed ones amongst my relatives…like my parents’s marriage!) you would not pay your share either.

    Hell I would even go so far:

    If you are in a relationship (with or without marriage) and you have a joint account (i would never give someone total access to all my money) for expenses, then both should pay the same into it (regardless of actual earnings – unless one is really loaded and does not work hard for his/her cash or someone is unemployed or going back to university etc. – because if you live alone, then you have to foot the bills alone as well and can’t tell someone else to pay them for you!)

    greetings LAX
    ps: I don’t feel entitled to anything from a woman (not sex, not her cooking or cleaning for me etc. – I can do that stuff on my own…I might not do it fastly (cleaning for example is low on my priority list), so if someone thinks it needs to be done right away: DIY!)

  21. 351

    Ok. I have to agree 100% with this article. The hypocrisy of women being equal to men EXCEPT when it is time to pay for something is down right shady.   It is like having a kid to take care of  when dating some of these women. The difference is a child doesn’t work, a woman does. There should be some kind of offset, paying also would be ideal. If not at least make dinner for the man from time to time.

    Any women that  expects a man to pay all the time is straight selfish and you should drop her on her butt quick. 

  22. 352

    From a Man’s point of view, the dilemma and solution to David’s problem is rather obvious. First let me lay down some baselines which most people would agree with.
    * Traditionally men are thought of as generous and more attractive if they pay (obviously a man can do the opposite and lose points to a majority of *feminine women)
    * Traditionally women in most countries still make less than men and also even in the same profession, so therefore the statistics are swayed toward a man’s world of earning more than the typical woman. Which adds to the inclination that a woman EXPECTS a man to pay if she is earning less than him. If she is part of the exception to the rule of men earn more, then she is exempt to this and can pay for the date, but she will not look like a feminine woman to a truly masculine man. A woman that does this will hurt a masculine man’s ego. The man that accepts his dinner paid for will be weak in almost anyone’s book, including his if he is a masculine man. It means out of the statistical majority of men, he couldn’t afford his woman’s tab and a stronger man will most likely replace him any day now.

    Ok so those two premises are established. David should simply KNOW his woman’s income and can be generous in proportion to his earnings that are higher than hers. If she’s not a trust fund baby, he should have ZERO problems paying for her in proportion to his income vs. hers. Now if she is making similar income to him, then she should be giving him many things in return to stabilize the relationship balance, if you know what I mean. A man doesn’t need material things to be happy. I’ll let your imagination dwell on that. A happy man that is paying for things doesn’t even think of how much he’s paying for if he’s happy and satisfied in other areas. David, you need to move on if you are not happy and are actually quantifying your spending. You should date 20 supermodels and get it out of your system and see how much you pay then. hahahaha The intelligent ones know the humor, seriousness, sarcastic, and truthful parts of my post. Cheers and keep smiling.

    1. 352.1

      A few more things I wanted to add….
      * Yes, drop her fast after you’ve tested if she’s selfish vs. selfless because the issue here is definitely not money.  i.e.  Go out and specifically say “Honey, or whatever term of endearment you use for her,  I forgot my wallet today, can you pay for this one?  Then sit back and see her reaction.  If she doesn’t pay for this one since you’ve already paid for 5 dates and you’re reaching your financial limit/getting agitated, knowing full well she’s able to as she has her purse with her, then you have a selfish woman on your hands.  If she’s sweet and has a good story why she can’t like “Sorry honey I paid for my mom’s hospital bill last week, etc.” then test her again and again and again and again until you know her character.  It should be obvious if she is avoiding being generous with you as much as you are with her.  Especially on the “free” gifts side of things.  Heck I already know if I want to keep a woman around on the first date.  My tests are killer, striking to the heart of her character in obvious ways FOR ME.  i.e.  First kiss, how she treats friends / others, how she acts in certain situations, how she treats me, how she treats random people in my hilariously made up situations, etc. etc.  She is gone (my decision of her not making the cut) or clingy trying to do everything she can to please me by the end of my interactions with her. lol
      *  You can go on a lot of low cost dates (home cooked dinner and movie, walk in the park, day at a museum, art gallery exploration, skating park,  bookstore reading material hunting, scenic drive at sunrise, beach walk at sunset, etc. that don’t even require money and see how affectionate she is when no money is involved.  That’s another test to see if you really mesh with each other, regardless of both your incomes.
      * Lead the relationship, be a man that doesn’t take her bs, and go find yourself a quality woman beyond your league because you deserve the absolute best….  Every worthy man does.   $40K is plenty when you know how to get her mind.  I’ve personally got 10s and if you’re under 30 you should have yourself a few girlfriends i.e. At least forty 10s so you can see who you want to marry, if that’s your goal eventually.  Trust me, women are looking for the next best thing as much as you are and many will never find it, so BE that guy on the way up to a glorious future of your reality. =)  It always is your reality as a man and you invite her in and she will BEG to be invited in if you are doing things right.  She wants YOU to rock her universe or she will find a man that will.  Peace.

  23. 353

    I haven’t had a man balk at picking up the tab since the 70’s, in fact, if I offer to leave a tip or buy an ice cream cone after dinner the answer is “No” during the courtship phase.  However, once we move beyond dating into relating, it became more of a shared thing.
    I have seen men comment on this blog that if a woman doesn’t start coughing up 50% of the tab from the start that it is a sure sign that she will make a lifetime career out of taking him for a ride financially. 
    In my experience that has not been true.  In all my long term relationships, I have contributed financially.  All my married friends, if the wife works outside the home contributes financially, if not, she takes on the bulk of child care and domestic maintainence.  I believe all of them had a traditional courtship where the man pays for the first few dates.
    I don’t demand a pricey date.  In fact, I prefer the first few date to focus on getting to know each other, not a man impressing me by throwing his money around.  
    I’m not even that fond of dinner dates early on.  Trying to talk with food in your mouth, constant interuptions from the wait staff  ie;  “Is everything OK”  “Can I get you folks anything else” etc. etc.
    A scenic hike or an art gallery opening with free wine & cheese is no cost and offers more opportunity to get to know each other.
    Let’s save the 5 star restaurant dates to celebrate an EXISTING relationship, and there is no doubt that we will be having each other for dessert 🙂
    Don’t be afraid to make those first few dates, fun, imaginative and FREE, or nearly free.  If a girl turns up her nose at that, you have screened out a gold digger.  If not, you may just have found yourself a keeper.

  24. 354

    Te frst few days. I would say the first month. No one should pay anything expensive more then 10 dollars. There is a lot of places to go and have fun if you know how to spark communication and attraction. This way applys to know a person better. A man who starts to pay everything rigjt from the bigginning will spend months in order for that girl to fill something attractive. A female who spend some money outta her pocket either to something cheap or split the bill is a female that should be a keeper. Sometimes is not the money is the quality time.  Stop focusing on money and avoid that by just setting up a rule on a very early stage of a relationship no later then 2 week after start a relationship. A guy n a female who help together with bills. Stay together longer then one person paying all.

  25. 355

    What I would do is offer to prepare a really nice dinner at home. and offer to buy little things along the way. and also insist we do things that do not cost so much every now and then. like hiking in a state park and bringing an affordable bottle of wine and horsdvours, snacks ect. there are many things to do that do not cost so much. there was this guy i dated (older) who insisted on meeting at sidewalk cafes . he wants to be seen. then he complains that he cannot afford lunch when he was the one who ordered many beers and a whole pizza to himself and then ate more than half of my raviolis. i even ordered one super cheap glass of wine to his multiple italian import beers. then he complained about the bill. what a douche. he is stupid . i wanted to hike in the state park that day anyway. I am not into showy and being glamorous , then complaining about how much it costs to keep up with his showy need to be seen. btw, he is italian and flashy and showy. he only wants lookers for his woman that are high maintenance to be seen with , then complain about the maintenece required for this lifestyle all along the way. what a douche 

  26. 356

    To be honest, I didn’t read this entire article. I got to the point where the author states “We’ve established that women are more highly educated (often) and make more money than their male counterpart.” Do you really think that on average women make more than males? That’s a huge societal issue that is touched upon frequently, females are still paid less on average. Instantly lost credibility with me. 

    1. 356.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      From the New York Times: “In about 30 percent of newly married couples in 2011, the wife earned more.”

      I think that qualifies as “often,” thus supporting my original claim and my credibility.

      1. 356.1.1

        30% does not equate to often.

  27. 357

    I have never had a woman ask me out and offer to pay for a date in 35 years,I have went on many,many dates and had a lot of relationships short and long. I don’t need a woman to clean for me(I clean as I go),I don’t need a woman to have my children(I raised two on my own),I don’t need a woman to cook for me(I am a very good cook). I was raised to take care of myself and after years of being in a bad relationship I ended up taking care of my two daughters as a single father with no child support ever. What makes some of you women think a man should pay for the first couple dates? Really,I want to know. Do you think you are better? That would be just like a man expecting sex on the first couple dates,you are no different than him. We are equal,period. I taught my daughters to rely on no one,a relationship is a group effort. In this day and age we are equal and it is time to start acting like it instead of a moocher or a spoiled brat. If you expect him to pay for the date then what are you giving him? Your time is NOT enough,I can get a Hooker for that. 

  28. 358

    I’ve dated TOO MANY women who think men should pay all the time, and a couple of these women were born in the 80s, so they should have supposedly been these new, feminist, pull themselves up by the bootstraps types.  Even if they only paid 1/3 of the time for a fast food lunch I’d have been impressed.  Rather, they’d always stand back when the bill came, and let me pay like I was their Daddy.  Single moms are the absolute WORST about it.  Women today feel entitled to a man’s wallet, especially single mothers, who think you should pay for them and their kids by another man, just to prove you are worthy.  EFF THAT.  I don’t single moms anymore, and if women don’t “woman up” and pay at least a third of the time, we DONE.

  29. 359

    So freakin sad.  Men used to be motivated to provide, to take pride in being the breadwinner.  Thank God my husband never got whiny over paying for dates.  If u don’t have much $, find inexpensive things to do together.  Be creative.  If she demands $200 a weekend, you found a prostitute, not a gf.  

    or just waste your life making sure everything is “equal” and 50-50, and making generalizations like “ALL” women demand equality.  Things can’t be made that simple.  YOU put your body through pregnancy and provide me with kids so I don’t have to and then I’ll pay half of the check.

    Pathetic, whiny men.   

  30. 360

    His woman sounds like a bitch. If you pay for her she had better be behaving like the kind of woman you want to spend the rest of your life with and not an ounce less. It’s obvious he’s just laying for sex in his relationship because a man never let’s such treatment occur from his partner. My rule of thumb is just walk away if she doesn’t either insist on paying her way, or if she’s the kind of person who you know will pay her half if you ask her to. It’s women like the one in the question that make men say to hell with relationships. Such blatant disrespect is what makes so many guys go from romantics in their 20s to players in their 30s.

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