I’m a Democrat Who Doesn’t Want to Date a Republican

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It’s an election year. In NH it’s started in earnest but it’s coming to the rest of the country. You say that men don’t have to have the exact same interests and values as I do, but to me politics and religion matter. It sounds from your posts they should not matter that much. But to me they inform how you relate to the world and your most important values. While I agree it doesn’t matter as much with friends I have a harder time respecting people who believe in a party that is currently racist, homophobic, and anti-women. And I have a hard time believing in a church that has yet to stop condemning my son because he was born gay. If I don’t respect my partner then how can a relationship flourish?

I volunteer for the Democratic party and my oldest son is gay. How could I possibly date a Republican when our most important values clash? I can’t overlook that in this political climate given the opposition’s current rhetoric. These are not mild differences. Wouldn’t we end up just fighting? I don’t expect their families to believe as I do, but they can’t support Donald Trump or Ted Cruz. And how would they feel when I canvas on Saturdays or host the Clinton campaign holiday party at my house?

Also when you have a gay son and someone continues to go to the Catholic Church or is an evangelical Christian whose faith equates homosexuality with pedophilia, isn’t that a deal breaker? I was raised as a Roman Catholic but I won’t set foot in a Roman Catholic Church until they stop that nonsense. Pope Francis is trying but it’s like he’s Obama with a Republican congress. And 3 presidential contenders stood on a stage with an evangelical minister who advocates rounding up all the gays and killing them.

I don’t think I’m being harsh. I understand it’s not easy to give up, but my sons went to see Spotlight and stayed up all night discussing it. And they are my life. A man who thinks sexuality is a choice or that he would feel uncomfortable around my son is not for me and I don’t see a way around this. My female friends who continue to attend churches who don’t hold the same values, they do baffle me. It’s like staying in a bad relationship where you are verbally and emotionally abused isn’t it?

I’m not talking tennis vs. golf or action movies vs. indie flicks, but these are huge. And it’s going to get worse this year. So please discuss.

Thank you!
Kathleen

I may be a liberal, but I’m moderate in temperament. Which is to say that I’m big on listening and trying to understand someone else’s point of view. I’m not dogmatic; I try to let data and science inform my opinions. My metrics are about “effective and ineffective,” not “right and wrong.” And I feel very strongly — as do most liberals — that the world is grey and not black and white. Anyone who approaches a situation without nuance clearly hasn’t given it much thought.

So here’s your nuance, Kathleen:

Not all Republicans are the same.

I know that’s shocking, but it’s true. Is Trump a rich bully with a fourth grade vocabulary and no experience in Washington, spouting borderline fascist tirades at anyone who crosses him without any tangible plans on how he will make Iran, China, Mexico, Russia and ISIS heel, apart from talking tough? Of course.

Anyone who approaches a situation without nuance clearly hasn’t given it much thought.

Is Ted Cruz the caricature of a compassionless conservative, a mean-spirited divisive man who has alienated everyone on both the right and the left in his rise to prominence, a truly scary, retrograde human being who wants the United States to be a Christian theocracy? Hell, yeah.

And most of my Republican friends are scared shitless of them.

They are bright, socially liberal, moderate-tempered people who vote Republican because they offer lower taxes, believe in smaller government, and blindly support Israel. These are good people who are highly educated, happily married “job creators” here in the suburbs of Los Angeles, and while they’re uncomfortable with the official party platform, they vote with their wallets. Ask them about Obamacare and they’ll have very valid critiques, since they employ 50-100 people each. I can understand and respect their stances, and I hope you can, too.

So when you write, “I don’t think I’m being harsh,” that would appear to be your blind spot. You don’t consider the idea that politics (like sexuality) isn’t just binary, but a broad spectrum.

Republican moderates may not make much noise during the primary season, but they exist and are worth getting to know, dating and even marrying.

My wife grew up in a right-wing Catholic military family with an overtly racist and sexist patriarch. But my wife is moderate to apolitical. She voted for Perot back in ’92. She believes in the same exact values that you and I espouse. She thinks her family is on the wrong side of history when it comes to gay rights. But mostly she tolerates me for being an opinionated liberal. Hell, she came to a Bill Maher taping with me last year; whether or not she shares all of my beliefs is essentially meaningless. She doesn’t feel that strongly about her positions and doesn’t like to argue, and that allows us to work. A more political partner wouldn’t be a good fit for me — which is exactly what you’re saying.

Listen, Kathleen, you can restrict yourself to Democrats and still have half the population available to you. But I’m telling you that the other half of the population is not monolithic.

Republican moderates may not make much noise during the primary season, but they exist and are worth getting to know, dating and even marrying. Believe me; I should know.

P.S. If any Republicans take it personally that some Democrats have second thoughts about dating you, please check out this study, which points out that, in fact, Republicans are even more judgmental of Democrats.

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Comments:

  1. 21
    Shari

    I easily fall into the same category as Evan’s friends, I too live in the L.A. area.   I too am a Republican that is socially liberal and fiscally conservative.   I am so much more than that.   If you are going to label me and judge me based on that one label that is your loss.

    1. 21.1
      Maggie

      For the record, may   of us who also share your views identify as Conservative Democrats.

      1. 21.1.1
        Shari

        [Pretend there is a thumbs up icon and smiley face here]

    2. 21.2
      Russell

      It should also be noted that there are many who are just the opposite.   Democrats who are socially conservative.

       

      The real point is that no matter which stance you take, you aren’t superior.   People have differences of opinion and beliefs.   Learning how to accept that is the first step in becoming a tolerant person.   There are a lot of people who believe they are tolerant, but they are anything but.

  2. 22
    Russell

    Evan, I wouldn’t consider the Southern Poverty Law Center to be a good source of information on the GOP.

     

    http://www.breitbart.com/big-government/2014/03/26/fbi-dumps-southern-poverty-law-center/

     

    There is also something to be said about liberal intolerance and thought policing.   The purposeful corruption of the word homophobia is a perfect example.   This is a medical term to describe a very rare psychological condition.   An unreasonable and debilitating fear of homosexuals.   It was corrupted in order to use at is as a tool of intolerance of anyone who is not in perfect lockstep with the beliefs of those who corrupted the word.   On other words, if you express something that is actually tolerant, you can still be labeled a homophobe.   For instance, if a guy were to say publicly, “gay sex disgusts me, but it isn’t my job to police other people’s sex lives, or judge them.”   He will be labeled a homophobe because the intent was to silence all dissent.   So you either keep you mouth shut, or you express nothing short of complete endorsement of homosexuality.   That is thought policing.

     

    Now what is crazy is that liberals who want to tar and feather anyone who simply expresses a conservative opinion about homosexuality, then turn around and embrace Muslims who actually want to kill homosexuals.   Watch the YouTube video “undercover mosque,” where they went undercover in some London mosques.   A follow-up video showed that despite their claims, they had not changed.   And nobody should be surprised because the Koran requires Sharia and Sharia endorses killing anyone who commits sexual sins, including adultery and homosexuality.   This the graphic images of Muslims stoning a young couple caught engaging in sex outside of marriage, and ISIS throwing gay men off of a tall building.

     

    Yes, also know that all Muslims do not endorse a strict interpretation of the Koran, but most, while not radicals, do believe Sharia law is THE law.   It was quite chilling to hear Muslim men ask about following Sharia instead of secular laws, and then being advised to follow the secular laws until they are trying enough to impose Sharia.   There is a valid reason that liberal European governments are now restricting Muslim immigration.

    1. 22.1
      SMDH

      Russell:

      “homophobia is a perfect example.   This is a medical term to describe a very rare psychological condition”

      False.

      It took what, two minutes for you to switch from telling everyone else to be more tolerant to showing your own intolerance.

      Everyone should be more tolerant except for Russell. Got that everyone?

      1. 22.1.1
        KK

        How did he show intolerance? As another poster commented and I did as well, there’s a big difference between tolerance and acceptance. You can’t FORCE anyone to “accept” anything. You can hope for “tolerance”. I didn’t read anything he said as intolerance.

      2. 22.1.2
        Russell

        I think you should educate yourself.   Phobias are psychological disorders.   An extreme, debilitating and unreasonable fear.   For instance agoraphobia which is the fear of going out in public.   A person can have a fear of heights, but it is a phobia when it is debilitating, and when the fear is unreasonable, such as having a panic attack just by looking out of a window while in a skyscraper.

         

        From the Mayo Clinic.

        Definition

        By Mayo Clinic Staff

        A phobia is an overwhelming and unreasonable fear of an object or situation that poses little real danger but provokes anxiety and avoidance. Unlike the brief anxiety most people feel when they give a speech or take a test, a phobia is long lasting, causes intense physical and psychological reactions, and can affect your ability to function normally at work or in social settings.

         

        I feel no anxiety around gay people.   One of my favorite, recent professors is openly gay, and we enjoyed a lot of good conversation after class.   Typically me, him and the same 2 or 3 other students.

         

        That said, the thought of gay sex disgusts me, thus why I am straight, and not gay or bisexual.   I’m quite unapologetic about that as this is quite normal among straight men.

    2. 22.2
      Persephone

      Kapow!     (sound of my mind exploding about this Sharia law Russel-splaination.)

      I follow Sharia law. So there!

      But it’s not “hand cutting off” kind of Sharia law. It’s no different than those of you who are Christians and following the Golden Rule.   You know, Love your neighbor as yourself.   Sharia” simply means “the path” or the street.   It’s a common word, and it can be used even to name what a car drives on.   It’s the path to God, however you think the Quran tells you to be more Godly.

       

  3. 23
    SMDH

    Says Southern Poverty Law Center is not credible but Breitbart is.

    You’re like a living meme Russell.

    1. 23.1
      Russell

      Like it or not, it doesn’t matter where it was posted.   What matters is that the TH I now rejects the Southern Poverty Law Center because it is no longer a credible source.   They used to be, but like so many similar politically biased organizations, they used their earned credibility to attack anyone they disagreed with. It’s a form if hubris.   People lend weight to what you have to say, so abuse that trust for selfish reasons.   Eventually people take notice of that, and your credibility is now gone.

       

      This tactic you used is   called “attacking the messenger” instead of debating the facts.   It’s normally used when you have no argument against the message. I’m quite familiar with it because it has been so overused, and abused, by liberals I’ve debated.   The common theme is that any conservative site is untrustworthy while liberal sites are trustworthy.   It’s An ineffective tactic, except in “safe spaces,” where it will go unchallenged.

      1. 23.1.1
        SMDH

        What are the facts Russell?

        Homophobia is not in the DSM 5. Do you know what the DSM is? Homophobia is a pop culture term that does not have any scientific or medical basis.

        Ironically by attempting to argue that it’s a medical condition, you are actually strengthening the argument that homophobia pathological and needs to be treated, not the other way around.

        Im still waiting for your “truth” though.

        1. Russell

          I was referring to the use if phobia.   The corruption if it.   Thank you for enlightening us to the fact that there us no such thing as a phobia.   Let me before specific as to what I meant.   A think tank group sat around (yes that actually happened) and one of the items on the agenda was to come up with a word that could be used to try to shame anyone who was not in lockstep with their beliefs.   That is the very definition of intolerance, by the way.   Homophobia was accepted as that new word because nobody wants to be thought of as a phobic.   People understand what it means, and so nobody wants to he associated with that word.   This was both brilliant, and evil, at the same time.   Thought police.   Intolerance of anyone with different beliefs.   Orwellian by its very nature.

           

          But yes, thank you for confirming that there is no such thing as homophobia.   Oh, I’m sure there are a few people in the world that really do have a debilitating fear of homosexuals, but I   also sure that this is very rare.

           

          What you also proved with your responses, is that you have a corrupted understanding of what tolerance is.

           

          Tolerance is like if I say the sky I’d blue, and you insist that it is aqua, and we simply can’t come to an agreement.   We then simply agree to disagree, and move on with normal interactions between us.   In other words, that disagreement does not cause us to become enemies.   We can live with the fact that the other person does not agree.

           

          You, like many liberals I have known, seem to equate tolerance with approval, acceptance and agreement.   Thus, if I do not agree that the sky is aqua, I am intolerant.   That is not tolerance.   If you have all of that, there is no need for tolerance.

           

          Relating that to homosexuality, by your thinking, I must think it is right and normal, or I am intolerant.   Wrong!   If I think it is right and normal, there is no need for me to be tolerant of homosexuals.

        2. Evan Marc Katz

          Russell, just stop. You’re embarrassing yourself – comparing different points of view on shades of color with judgment about sexuality. If you are prejudiced against a large swath of people – be it gay, black, Hispanic, Jewish, etc, you are a bigot – by definition.

          “Full Definition of bigot. : a person who is obstinately or intolerantly devoted to his or her own opinions and prejudices; especially : one who regards or treats the members of a group (as a racial or ethnic group) with hatred and intolerance.”

          When members of those groups call you out for your intolerance, that doesn’t make THEM bigoted against you.

        3. Chance

          SMDH, you never answered KK’s question.

    2. 23.2
      Persephone

      I happen to know the folks personally as SPLC.   Yes, they are credible.

  4. 24
    John

    The person writing in says Republicans are bigots, homophobes and anti- woman are nothing but ad hominem attacks. Where is her evidence? How she feels isn’t evidence. She wants people to tolerate and respect her liberal viewpoints while   she insults conservatives by calling them names. That’s just plain ignorant. As if there are no bigots, homophobes and woman haters in the Democratic Party. Thanks Evan for trying to bring a balanced approach, but this ladie’s name calling and refusing to date someone because a guy is a Republican is intolerance.

  5. 25
    Russell

    Nowhere do I say that I hate gays, as people, Evan.   Try reading again.   I said that gay sex is disgusting to me, hence I am straight, not gay, or bisexual.   You don’t have to hate those who do it, to be disgusted by the act itself.

    Eating snails disgusts me, but I don’t hate people who eat them.   Neither do I feel the.need to be ashamed for telling them that eating snails is disgusting.   And all of.that said, I don’t feel the need to proselytize to people who are gay.   I leave them alone.   If they ask, then I am honest about my Christian beliefs.   If they hit on me, I tell them (has happened) “No thanks, I think it’s disgusting.”   Then I go about my business, much the same way a young woman would when a 70 year old guy just hit on her.   It doesn’t affect my day.

    I do not treat gay people different than I treat anybody else.   Sorry, but you do not have to endorse gay sex to not be a bigot.

    1. 25.1
      SMDH

      Russell, Russell, Russell…smdh…

      You have every right to think eating snails is disgusting.

      Telling someone else they should never eat snails because you don’t like them makes you a bigot (and an intrusive ass).

      Deciding that anyone who eats snails against your wishes is bad and deserves to be treated with a different set of rules than you is being a bigot.

      Trying to get the government to pass a law preventing anyone from eating snails because you don’t like them makes you a bigot.

      Do you understand now?

      By the way, how do you know I’m a liberal? Anyone who disagrees with you must be a liberal? How open minded of you.

      1. 25.1.1
        KK

        Smdh,

        You said, “You have every right to think eating snails is disgusting.”

        End of story. You and Russell agree!

        Everything you stated after that fact were your words. Not his. He never said he wanted to make or enforce laws to keep anyone from eating snails. He never said they should be treated with a different set of rules. He simply stated he thinks it’s disgusting. That’s it. His opinion. His right. You’re entitled to your opinions as well. When you put words in someone else’s mouth it doesn’t make what YOU say true, it just means you don’t have very good reading comprehension.

        1. Evan Marc Katz

          Everyone is entitled to his/her opinion, but not all opinions are created equal, KK. If you can’t acknowledge that, then, well, we will never come to consensus on anything.

          A man is entitled to think he has the right to beat his wife. In his mind, he thinks it’s justified. After all, his father beat his mother. His friends beat their wives. However, other people may look at him as, well, a wife-beater. A cretin. A tyrant. Someone who should be jailed. His opinion of his own behavior is pretty irrelevant.

          When someone expresses bigoted opinions, he has to be open to the idea that others may conclude he’s a bigot.

        2. SMDH

          KK: His exact words:  Neither do I feel the.need to be ashamed for telling them that eating snails is disgusting.   

          The snail eaters of world don’t need Russell’s blessing or unsolicited criticisms of choices that are of no consequence to him.

          No, he did not say he wants different treatment or laws banning gay marriage. Nor did I say he did. The question was what makes one intolerant. I used his snails analogy to illustrate it, since several people here seem to have difficulty understanding this very simple concept.

          Alas, if were to say that white American Christians disgust me, and that I “do not feel ashamed” in telling them so, but hey, I won’t call for denying them rights as long as they stay far away from me…would you call that tolerant?

        3. KK

          tolerance

          Translate Button

          [tol

          1   a  fair,  objective,  and  permissiveattitude  toward  those  whoseopinions,  beliefs,  practices,  racialor  ethnic  origins,  etc.,  differ  fromone’s  own;  freedom  from  bigotry.
          2.
          a  fair,  objective,  and  permissiveattitude  toward  opinions,  beliefs,and  practices  that  differ  fromone’s  own.

        4. KK

          I tried to copy and past the definition of tolerance. If you’re so inclined, look it up, but it seems you’re confusing tolerance with acceptance.

        5. Russell

          Very true Evan.   All opinions are not created equal.   But who is the arbiter of whose opinion is more valid?   You?   Is that the position you hold for yourself?

           

          SMDH,   I think you need to learn the meaning of tolerance.   It does not mean acceptance.   It does not mean approval.   In short, to be tolerant of homosexuals does not mean you have to treat them the same as you would your best friend.   It does not mean that when you see two homosexuals that you have to stop and say, “How sweet.   They are in love.”   Tolerance is really nothing more than agreeing to disagree and live in peace.   You might not like that act, but it is a fact.

           

          Furthermore, you constantly go off on rants about stuff I have never said.   I never said they had to stay away from me.   Maybe you missed where one of my favorite professors was gay and we, along with a few other students would stay after class and discuss many things.   The amazing thing is that he and I did discuss these issues at length.   We are both about the same age.   We are also both Christians.   We both agreed that we have different understandings of what the Bible does and does not say, but that this is nothing new in the history of mankind, and as I told him and tell anyone who will listen, each person has to decide that for themselves, and that Christianity is not about telling others how to live, but about guiding yourself through life.   you know what is amazing.   He told me that I was the most honest, and tolerant person he had met in a very long time.   I think I will continue to value his opinion over yours as to my tolerance.   Yes, see even though we disagree on something so important, we were also able to become friends.

           

          But, even though I have no issues with gay people, and interact with them as I would anybody else…let’s discuss your issue with people deciding who they wish to be around.   Like it or not, that is actually part of the 1st Amendment.   Freedom of association, which also carries with it the inverse, which is the freedom to not associate with those you do not wish to associate with.

           

          You choose to hide important information about yourself, unlike myself, so I will assume for argument’s sake that you are a woman.   If you are not, you will hopefully be intelligent enough to follow the concept.   By your words, people must not seek to distance themselves from a particular group…a subset of people, lest the be called intolerant.   (Not true by the way.)   OK, so let’s see…some very old men want to rub elbows with very young and pretty women.   Well, those women can’t decide that they don’t want old men hanging around them.   They want those old men, those old creepers, to stay away from them.   The thought of having sex with those old men is disgusting to them.   They believe those old men shouldn’t be trying to have sex with young women and should stick to women much closer to their age.   But by your words, these women are bigots.   They have no right to tell these men to say away from them.   These young women don’t want to create laws, or in any way take rights away from those men…they just want those old codgers to leave them the hell alone.

          Well, SMDH…if you would stop Shaking Your Darned Head, this would be no different than a straight man saying, “Look, that disgusts me.   I don’t feel comfortable around your gay men.   I don’t want to deny you any rights, I just want you to stay away from me.”    There isn’t one single difference there.

           

          The only difference is that you may be of the opinion that guys who sexually desire other guys is OK, but not old codgers who sexually desire girls young enough to be their granddaughters.   But then, some may be of the opposite view.   So we are back to Evans statement that not all opinions are equal…but who is to say which one is not?

           

          See, to bolster your opinions, both you and Evan have brought into the argument things that I have never said, and things that I do not endorse.   My opinion is the same as that young girl who wants the older guys to leave her alone.   But this is only with those gay men who refuse to respect my wishes to not be hit on.   A few have been like that.   Just as some straight men don’t take the hint when a girl is not interested in them.   With people such as my professor, somebody I can just talk without any BS involved, I have no issue with them.

           

          Whether you agree or not.   My position is one of rational thought.   Agreement to be honest and peacefully agree to disagree.   That, SMDH, is what tolerance looks like.   If it is your opinion that tolerance is something else…well…we are back to Evan’s statement about opinions, though I rest peacefully with the knowledge that the dictionary backs my position.

        6. Russell

          One more thing SMDH.   You said,

          The snail eaters of world don’t need Russell’s blessing or unsolicited criticisms of choices that are of no consequence to him.

           

          Once again, you have to attribute actions to me that are not true.   I already stated that I don’t proselytize.   Read that as “I do not give my unsolicited opinion.”   I don’t see a gay man and walk up to him and say, “That’s disgusting.”

           

          So to use the analogy of the snails.   If I somebody says they are going to order snails, I don’t feel the need to inform them that I think they are disgusting.   However, if they ask me if I would like to share an order, then that is no longer unsolicited.   I have been asked if I would like some.   I then inform that person that I will decline because I think it’s disgusting.   Now, all the cards are on the table.   He knows, and everybody else at the table knows that it isn’t just that I am not in the mood for them.   They know I will never eat them, and thus they should not offer them in the future.   Works better when people understand just how passionately you do NOT want something.

           

           

           

        7. Persephone

          You are not entitled to your opinion!   Where does this “entitlement” regarding opinions come from? Who has bestowed it?

          Let’s grow up and   recognize when a belief has become indefensible.   The problem with saying   “Everyone is entitled to their opinion” is that it’s used to shelter beliefs that should have been abandoned. We get people who cannot realistically defend an opinion, and they think they are equal to be equal to the expert.   This is what is currently wrong with our public discourse.   Passionate amateurs think they’re entitled to disagree with climate scientists (“Global warming is fake news!”) and immunologists and have their anti-vaxxer views “respected.”   No one can stop you saying that vaccines cause autism, no matter how many times that claim has been disproved, but if being “entitled to an opinion” means that your uneducated rantings that are not based on fact get to be treated with the same respect as those of learned scientists in this matter—no.

          You can also say you are entitled to your opinion on how many people attended the inauguration, or how so many people voted illegally in the election when there is no evidence to support that opinion.   No, you are not entitled to an opinion like that–not really.   People use the phrase “entitled to an opinion”   to cover up their ignorance, in order to protect their misconstrued beliefs. They will argue in circles for hours about something they don’t know, and justify the entire waste of brainpower as an “opinion difference” in order to move on with their lives without fracturing their misguided or irrational   beliefs.

          A so-called opinion that is not thought out or has no concern for factual evidence is an assumption — not an opinion.   If people would realize this, then perhaps they   might find out that someone they think they hate for their beliefs might actually have a reasonable point of view.

  6. 26
    KK

    Evan, you are way too intelligent to compare someone’s personal feelings / opinions on sexuality to wife beating. Beating someone is illegal. Up until very recently, gay marriage was illegal. That’s the only thing I can possibly fathom that the two have in common, even remotely. I cannot understand how saying the thought of gay sex is disgusting is bigoted. Some people find anal sex disgusting even if it’s heterosexual. Some people think oral sex is disgusting. Who cares? As long as you mind your own business and don’t attempt to force your will on others, how can that be bigoted? I truly do not understand the logic.

    I believe you have stated that you are an atheist. Forgive me if I have my facts wrong. Hypothetically speaking… If you tell me that the thought of going to church disgusts you, how / why would that affect me? You’re entitled to your opinion. I’m entitled to mine. Does that somehow make you a religious bigot, if there is such a thing? No. If you said I hate Christians and will do anything in my power to keep them from going to church, well, I’d say that would be justification to call you a bigot.

  7. 27
    SMDH

    And KK please leave the overused “reading comprehension” insult alone.

    1. 27.1
      KK

      The only reason that was used was because you accused him of saying (thinking) things he did not say.

    2. 27.2
      Russell

      Overused “analogies” are still relevant where they are the best description.   In other words, you should stop shaking your head.   It interferes with your reading comprehension.   yes, you have a serious reading comprehension problem.

      1. 27.2.1
        SMDH

        2 things Russell:

        1) you asked if I would consider older women bigots who think older men dating younger women is  disgusting. Depends on how you define young. If she’s legal it’s nobody’s business but theirs. So yes.

        2) in keeping with the runaway snail analogy…and since you decided to stoop to insulting me … I’m gonna say this and end this discussion.

        Gay men aren’t offering you or any other straight man snails. They’re not looking to  hit on straight dudes. that’s bullshit that homophobes use to justify their hated of gays.

        In fact Russell I don’t think you need to worry about anybody on either side of the table offering you a bite of anything. Cya

  8. 28
    Maggie

    Wow, so now, a man , Russell, who believes homosexuality is a sin, yet who has never, nor has any desire to, bother, interfere with, or change in any way those who engage in it is akin to a wife beater?   I would even dare to say most gay people could care less what Russell believes as they most likely do just fine.   He does not bother them directly, so why should they care.

  9. 29
    April

    Couldn’t agree more. I’m an independent that leans liberal (helped campaign for Obama) in a long term relationship with a Conservative. We met online; I almost didn’t date him because his dating profile listed him as Republican. But he was funny, sweet and cute. Years later, it worked out. We agree to disagree a lot and to his credit, he listens to my conspiracy theories and liberal rants with an open mind most days. His social values are more open minded  than the Conservative picture we are painted.   Not only that, but he is Christian, I am agnostic/atheist.

    My family is very right wing…God, guns and American flags. Fox News. The whole shebang. And all of them believe in gay rights (having reiterated to my brother and I since we were little that if either of us were gay, they’d love us just the same) and are very Eco-conscious. They been recycling, reusing and composting before it got cool. Don’t believe the caricature of what “Republican” (or “Democrat”) is being portrayed as on TV. People aren’t that black and white. Our beliefs and values tend to be shades of grey.   Date who makes you laugh and challenges you intellectually, who is financially responsible, who treats their mom, pets and children well…and who makes you want to be a better person.

  10. 30
    NewlyMarriedWoman

    You don’t have to have the same politics to fall in love and live harmoniously. If you feel someone insults your otherwise well-behaving child or can’t talk about anything but their opposing politics, you will not be in a good relationship so, yes, avoid.

    Not all Republicans believe exactly one set of things. If they did, we would never had 16 or whatever people vying for their party’s nomination. Nor do all Democrats march to the same drum. Remember that phrase? Very much from the annals of Democrat Party politics.

    Just remember, Barry Goldwater has a gay grandson and Joe Biden/JFK/Jerry Brown are/were Catholics.

  11. 31
    Luis M.

    Why would you date a person that belongs to a political party that almost on a daily basis tries to prevent gay people from having full equality?   A political party that believes it is OK to discriminate against gay people simply because of the way they were born.   Discrimination is a sin and immoral.   Voting GOP has its consequences and it hurts a lot of people.   Do people have no values anymore?   I will not associate with anyone who is a Republican.   My values are deep and important to me.   If you were black would you date or marry a slave-owner?   It’s the same thing.

    1. 31.1
      Adreana

      I agree with you on some points but not others. When it comes to friendships and family, I don’t mind consevatives as long as they don’t impose their values on me and are respectful of others. If I chose to only focus on people who are similar to me ,    I would have to sever ties with a lot of good people and that’s pretty sad. Of course deep down,  I always wish I could meet people I have more in common with, but it doesn’t always work like that.

      But when it comes to a serious relationship, I absolutely wouldn’t be someone who’s values are different. Why would I share my mind, body and heart with someone who’s values are vastly different than mine?   SOMEONE is going to have to be silent/walk on egg shells/compromise   for that to work while the other speaks freely. Besides, I thought “compatibility ” is all about having similar core values.

      1. 31.1.1
        Luis M.

        Hi Adreana,   I agree with some of what you said.   Obviously, I must interact daily with conservatives and evangelical Christians.   I could not function in life if I just interacted with non-Republicans.   That said, how can you call someone “good” when they vote for politicians who actively vote against equality for gay people?   Yes, they may be nice, and pleasant and polite.   But, that’s all superficial.   Remember, discrimination hurts people.   Every day gay kids and youth commit suicide because of all the rhetoric spewed by Republicans and religion.   A 2014 study found that LGB people who lived in anti-gay communities had a life expectancy that was 12 years shorter than those who lived in more welcoming communities.   Yes, I know Republicans who are nice people.   But, the kindness is only superficial because anyone who votes GOP is hurting people and that is not moral or acceptable.

        1. Adreana

          “That said, how can you call someone “good” when they vote for politicians who actively vote against equality for gay people?  ”

          Believe me,   I understand that  your coming from.   Many religious/conservative folks lack the empathy and compassion towards the LGBT community and wish them death .A famous Christian pastor said they “deserved” the Orlando shooting, the less intense ones supposedly “love” them but don’t want them to have the same rights   and live freely.    I personally would never be romantically involved with a republican because no matter how kind they seem, I will always see them as selfish and close-minded when it comes to these things.They probably see me as a raging liberal/  sinner who’s going to hell anyways so it’s all good. lol

          However, when it comes to friendships I have met some genuinely kind ones who are trying to do the best they can with the beliefs they were raised with. One guy for example would give the shirt off his back to help anyone ( including LGBT people ) but he also doesn’t wasn’t to upset “God” by being ok with marriage equality.   Even though most of them describe God as “loving”, they will slip and say things that reveal they have an underlying fear of God and what “he” might do to them if they go against him( and I’m not just talking about gay marriage).   I have seen it many times and it’s heartbreaking to watch. Almost always my intitial anger turns into compassion when that happens.

          Another friend of mine used to be against gay marriage ( and I tried to avoid the topic because it would cause arguments between us), now she’s an ally for the gay community and is exploring different ( more accepting)  Christian denominations.

          My point is-some are selfish and   lack empathy . Others are kind, but they ‘re afraid of being called a “gay enabler” on judgment day and burning in hell. Of course there   are also atheists   who are against gay marriage…now those I don’t understand AT ALL,but that’s another topic. The good thing is that more and more people are slowly but surely becoming more accepting. Certain groups can try to stop that momentum but they won’t be successful.

  12. 32
    Luis M.

    Hi Adreana,   I totally understand your point.   I am always respectful and kind to Republicans.   I have Republicans in my family (ughhh) that I love.   But, I am a work in progress.   Recently, Tennessee Republicans unanimously passed a bill that allows psychologists and mental health workers to refuse to counsel gay people.   I pictured in my mind a gay kid struggling with homophobia and rejection from family going to a mental health worker because he or she is despondent.   I cannot think of a more inhumane and cruel thing you can do to a person.   This is like stomping on someone’s head when they’re down on the ground.   I have no doubt this will lead some to suicide.   Those are the things that keep me up at night.   You have excellent points but the inhumanity of the Republican party (and all the people I know who have been mercilessly hurt by conservatives) makes it very hard for me to open up more to Republicans.   Like I said, it is a work in progress!

    1. 32.1
      Adreana

      Ugh, that bill is utterly cruel!!!! I wonder what they would do if a psychologist refused to counsel a Christian? But of course, most  rational   people wouldn’t   stoop to that level.

      I should’ve mentioned I’m a work in progress as well. I still get angry and refuse to get close to many of them ( the ones who are “proud” of their disgust and disdain of the LGBT community). These are at the point of no return and I don’t associate with them.

      The ones who softened me up to SOME conservatives are the two friends that I mentioned- I don’t agree with them, but I understand it must be very hard to live in their shoes. I used to be somewhat religious and I used worry about God punishing me for the smallest “sins”  .Of course,    sometimes I scratch my head and wonder why    my friends think eating lobster and having premarital sex is ok,  but   being gay is a big no no, but I digress….

      As I said before, I might connect with them on a friendship level, but I know relationship -wise I could never be with someone with those views. I once had a religious guy tell me he accepts me for being an atheist, but then when I started lowering my guard he told me I need to be saved. Another used to say “hate the sinner, but not the sin” about gays but he would gossip and say the ugliest things about his gay coworker.

      I don’t blame you for being angry. It’s incredibly difficult not to be.

       

       

       

  13. 33
    me

    it’s never really been an issue…i knew he was a devoted democrat while i was   a commited republican,,,,he voted for   obama i abstained…now he claims no party   but may go independent…..i think it reflects on the candidates and their qualities, not   the affiliation

  14. 34
    Persephone

    No. I would not get in a relationship with a member of the opposite political party.

    Just no.

    Not in this current political climate, anyway.   I live in the South. It’s really extreme, y’all.   I live in a rural area, too, and so they believe in all sorts of shocking things, including that “Obummer” is going to take our guns, and now that Trump is president, that he is going to bring them overflowing tears of joy with The Wall, keeping out “Mooz-Lums,” and tacking 20% on all imports from Mexico.   “Demo-Craps” want to murder all unborn babies.   George Soros funds violent protests and is far reaching.   I cannot take it.   I could not be around hearing this constantly.   There are so many in the rural South who are deep into it, with extreme beliefs.   We liberals probably have just as many guns, but I am so tired of the gun worship.   And the 2nd Amendment rallies, where they spout off constant bigotry that is not based at all on truth.   Fox News is not allowed in my home, Brietbart not allowed on my PC.   No Pam Geller hate allowed in my home.

    Evan, If you don’t want to approve this post, I understand, but I cannot be around this kind of insanity extremism.   On the other hand, we liberals should try a little restraint as well, but I happen to live in an extremely Red area of the country.

  15. 35
    trina

    Nope.

    Republicans just voted to destroy Planned Parenthood as best they can. They’re also happy to take abortion rights away from women. No birth control, no abortion — it’s pretty plain what they want, and what they think of women.

    If the person you’re attracted to is okay with supporting all that, and votes for the people who’ll do that to women, then unless you’re a fan of The Handmaiden’s Tale, just say no.

  16. 36
    George

    As a note, the Catholic Church does not condemn homosexual persons. When understood as simply a disposition it means an inclination that tends toward a particular sin. Even in reading Putgatorio from 700 years ago there are represented both homosexual and heterosexual persons alike undergoing their final purification before entering heaven. It is not the inclinations but the actual acts that are sinful. This might not change anyone’s relationship with the Catholic Church but I felt compelled to set the record straight regarding that point.

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