I’m a Single Mom Who Is Ready To Give Up On Men Because They All Want Sex.


I am 34 years old, divorced four years. I was married for ten years, have four beautiful boys under 9 and have a very fulfilling and successful career. My life is happy, but I really would love to share it with someone… but dating when you have FOUR kids is like the Mt Everest of the dating world! It seems almost impossible for men to see past that.

Well, let me clarify: I have no shortage of “dates”. I guess I must be in reasonable shape because NOBODY can guess I’ve even had four kids, or that I’m even 34 (I get asked out by guys in their early 20s- I feel like I should read them a story and tuck them into bed… not GET into bed with them, uh!). I have an outgoing personality and seem to be asked out a lot… we usually go on a few dates, everything is going wonderful… but nobody ever COMMITS. I’m not talking about church bells, but just to an actual relationship.

I am SICK of feeling used. I am sick of being treated like a piece of ass, and treated like I must be desperate because I have kids. I’m tired of guys treating me like I should be grateful if they even stick around for five minutes. Even if I really take my time getting to know someone before we become intimate… it seems that sex is all they continue to want. Don’t hear from him for days, I assume it’s over…then a text with, “hey are you home tonight?” Grrrr.

What? Do I need to be a nun in order to find someone who can actually see a relationship with me? Is it unreasonable that I am hoping someone could take me seriously or see my worth? I’ve been in a terrible relationship before and honestly now, I’d rather be alone than with the wrong guy. I believe I have a lot to offer – I am caring, kind, warm, loyal and intelligent. There is more to me than a MILF.

I am not looking for a father for the boys; they have one. I am not looking for a provider; I provide very well for myself. I just want a friend and a companion and someone who I have chemistry and intellectual compatibility with.

I am seriously at the point of giving up on the whole dating thing… Is it too much of an ask that I could actually meet someone who can see me as a woman, and not just as mother or worse, a bit of bedroom fun? Should I just shelve my desire to find a partner? I know Everest is high, but SOME people get up the damn thing, don’t they?

Ironically- I write Romantic Comedies for a living. I just didn’t think I’d end up stuck in one. 🙁


Dear Christina,

Before I give you the pep talk you need, let me first acknowledge the painful truths that you’ve eloquently outlined above. I’m sure many other women can relate.

Having four kids under the age of 9 is a huge handicap. I’d try to spin it in a slightly more positive way, but I can’t. As a screenwriter, I don’t know if you live in LA or not, but this is a town where people don’t grow up for a really long time. I got married at 35 and had kids at 37 and 39 and I was ahead of most of my friends. There’s no way that I — or most men who don’t have their shit together — would willingly enter into a relationship with a woman who has so many other responsibilities, the way all moms do.

At risk of making myself look bad, I once dated a single mom of a two-year-old. She was smart, she was sexy, she was financially independent — and she had no time to give to me. At the time, when I was 33, I blamed her for this, thinking that if she liked me more, she’d make a greater effort. In fact, it had nothing to do with me. What I didn’t know then is that kids suck up every second of free time you’ve got, and that you have to work extra hard to create me-time, much less couple-time. Ultimately, all I wanted from that single mom was to hook up, because that’s all I felt she could give me. Whether it’s fair or not is debatable, but that’s how I felt at the time. I’d venture to guess that your sex-oriented guys feel the same way. It’s not you they don’t want; it’s your lifestyle.

You shouldn’t quit because single men your age want sex and more time. You should just find a guy who is looking for a Brady Bunch family, who sees sex as the icing on the cake instead of the cake itself.

Maybe your ex shares custody and gives you weekends off, but I think we can all agree that women with four kids have less available time than women without four kids. And if the greatest gift a woman can give a man is her time, who are men going to gravitate towards — the harried mom who has to manage four lunches, babysitters, soccer practice, and bedtime routines — or the one who is blissfully unencumbered by such essential responsibilities? Put yourself in their shoes and it’s pretty easy to see.

The fact that you’re caring, kind, loyal, warm, and intelligent means that you have a lot going for you and will ultimately make a guy very happy. So instead of giving up on the whole thing — which, as you know — is incredibly shortsighted, given that you have 50 more years on this earth, how about you change focus?

Middle-aged divorced men understand what it’s like to be you. Single guys in their mid-30s who want to have their own biological kids in four years don’t. They want to take spontaneous romantic trips to Vegas, which is something that’s hard to do with four children of your own.

Instead of dating cute 34-year-old single guys who don’t have kids, how about you date cute 43-year-old guys who are in the exact same spot in life, who understand your predicament, who have obligations of their own, and who will be delighted to meet a woman who gets THEM.

You shouldn’t quit because single men your age want sex and more time. You should just find a guy who is looking for a Brady Bunch family, who sees sex as the icing on the cake instead of the cake itself.

I promise you, they’re out there.

Today, I’m giving you my new book, “Believe in Love — 7 Steps to Letting Go of Your Past, Embracing the Present, and Dating with Confidence.” and it’s going to forever change the way you view dating, men, and relationships.

Click here to get your copy now.

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  1. 41
    Charlotte Roberts

    I have a bit of a different perspective. If someone really loves you and has the capacity to really love you-the kids shouldn’t matter, in fact it should be an incentive. If a guy is looking for convenience-ie someone who doesn’t have kids so that he can have more “attention” I don’t want them anyway. How would THEY feel if they got married had a family, their wife god forbid died and now they are 33-with 3 kids trying to find someone and can’t bc all the women want someone with more time. To me, that is a very selfish way of looking for a partner anyway. Especially if you are willing to sleep with someone with no intention of anything else-don’t do that! Just leave single parents alone otherwise you are playing with someone’s emotions and leading them on. I would rather find a man who loves me for me with the kids and also has a life so that I am not required to give him 24/7 attention. The time we do get to spend together will be special. I am also willing to have more kids so ideally this guy I am searching for wants a kid or two.  

    1. 41.1

      Especially if you are willing to sleep with someone with no intention of anything else-don’t do that! Just leave single parents alone otherwise you are playing with someone’s emotions and leading them on.
      I agree 100%   But you and I both know that so long as women are willing to have sex without any sort of serious commitment, many men will continue to take advantage of that.   But you should talk to Karmic Equation about how encouraging women to wait to have sex is somehow a patriarchal scheme to subjugate women.
      If someone really loves you and has the capacity to really love you-the kids shouldn’t matter, in fact it should be an incentive. If a guy is looking for convenience-ie someone who doesn’t have kids so that he can have more “attention” I don’t want them anyway.
      I am not sure how her having kids is an incentive for a man.   There is no incentive. If he marries her, it is because he loves her.   There is no incentive to love her more because she has kids.   He may or may not be able to properly bond with the children.   Much of that will also have to do with the children.   Not all children are sweet and adorable, though most mothers think their children are great, even if everybody else thinks they are spoiled brats.   Think about it.   Every horrible kid you knew in school, and every horrible person you meet in this world, usually has or had a mother how adored them and thought they were great.

      There is only one kind of man for whom her having kids would be an incentive and that is a man who cannot biologically have kids of his own.

  2. 42

    If you like kids try widowed or divorced men with kids. They know what it’s like.   I’m in your shoes, with little kid, widowed.   

  3. 43

    “You’re getting older, u think many other guys will want u?”
    Again, I want to note that I would never do that.   While I am not very popular here, I can deal with that because I know that it all involves the fact that I speak my mind, but what I say is honest and not meant to tear anyone down.
    I think I am also misunderstood, which is my fault.   I have not explained myself very well.   While I do have a problem with some women in this country, I also have a problem with a lot of me.   Why should women prefer slightly older men?   Because we men really are scum.   We do prefer younger women.   Women want to believe that they are cherished, that the man they are with is very very happy he is with her, with no regrets.   She does not want him lusting after other women because he is unhappy with her, or feels he can do better.   That is going to be far more likely if he is slightly older, and by that I do mean a few years older to maybe 10 to 12.   Also, as stated, men are scum and thus, you aren’t safer marrying   younger man, it is more likely to happen.   When your age does become a issue to him, he is far more likely to be young enough to still be attractive to women his age and younger.   He may also have solved the issues that made him less attractive to women his age and younger.   The numbers I dug up because Evan challenged the first set, showed that according to the census, women in their 20’s and 30’s do have their choice of men because men outnumber them in this area.   However, in the 40’s and above, it switches.   In addition, men in their 40’s also add to the numbers that younger women can choose from.   Men speak in code when talking about older women.   For instance, “Older women know what they want.”   Translation, women my age and younger are rejecting me…they don’t want me.   This can even be very good looking men who are arrogant, unfaithful, or have some other baggage that they don’t want to deal with.   So when they are being rejected, they turn to older women.   May also see women as an untapped resource for money.   Women are not a man’s equal here, because men are much more likely to be OK with that attitude.   Women are very unlikely to be OK with being a sugar-momma.   This is why the male CEO has no problem marrying an unaccomplished woman, while lightening is more likely to strike the female CEO than it is for her to marry an unaccomplished man.   In short, a woman is not a man’s equal when it comes to accepting the notion of being the financial head of household.   Especially when it is an extreme difference.   A woman with a masters degree earning 100K marrying a man with a Bachelor’s degree earning 65K…sure.     A woman with a Ph.D degree earning 175K marrying a man with no degree earning 30K…fugetaboutit. But a man would do that.     I would also say that a woman with a Bachelor’s earning 70K is not likely to be happy if her husband, also with a Bachelor’s decides he wants to stay home and raise the kids.   Men are far more likely to be OK with the woman wanting to do this, on a long term basis.
    Do I think that I will change minds?   No more than women constantly pointing out that they and their friends are creeped out by older men.   So no, I don’t think I will change minds.   However, I do think that down the road, when they see that the men in her target range are not responding the way she wants, she might change her own mind, and broaden her search criteria.
    I see a lot of crap written that could be said to be hurtful to men, if we take it personally.   Like it or not, all older men are not creepy.   In the same way, not all older women are creepy.   Are 40+ men a good choice for fathering a baby?   No.     Are 40+ women a good choice for having a baby with?   No.    Besides, what are these crazy people thinking?   Stop being selfish…think of the kids you bring into this world will face the likelihood of not having a parent around for the majority of their life.   Even while they are around, they aren’t as likely to be young enough to have fun with.   Who’s more suited to go out and play some sandlot football with fathers and sons?   A 35 year old guy, or a 55 year old guy?   This example looking at the men having sons at 20 and 40 respectively.   Also, think the kids might like to have grandparents around to experience, and have that for their children, and have them at a young enough age to enjoy?   My feeling is that it is selfish to start having kids in your 40’s and 50’s…both men and women.

  4. 44

    Above are two 30 question quizzes.   You take the one for wives, and he takes the one for husbands.   The idea here is that you can break down the way in which people express/receive love, and typically, the way you prefer to receive love is also the way you are most comfortable expressing love.   They are called the 5 love languages, and they are:
    Physical Touch
    Quality Time
    Acts of Service
    Words of Affirmation
    On these quizzes, every love language is pitted against the other 4.   You have to choose.   It may say something like, (a) I like it when mu husband hugs me.   (b) I like it when my husband compliments me.
    So you have to choose one or the other.   One may be a clear preference and you may feel that you like both equally.   So in that case, what you really want to do on every question is imagine that the one you choose, you will get for the rest of your life, and the one that you do not choose you will never get again.   When you do that, one will likely reveal itself to be more important to you.
    These are not secret tests.   You can tell your husband that this is simply a way to learn more about each other and can be fun.   Tell him about the instructions I gave.   Tell him it is important, because, for instance, if he prefers gifts over hugs, but he answers hugs, then he should be surprised when you rarely give him gifts but give him a lot of hugs.   What you might find is that both of you feel, or have felt that you give love but don’t receive it in return.   This was the case between me and my ex.   My primary love language is Physical Touch, and Gifts last while hers was gifts first and physical touch last.   So we both felt we were trapped in a cold marriage.

  5. 45

    Four kids? Do you realize how expensive raising them would be? You ladies expect too much.   It’s a lot to ask.

    1. 45.1

      Yes because she had 4 kids and got divorced with the express purpose of letting some poor schlub foot the bill for her kids. And all women have 4 kids, which is why we expect so much.

  6. 46

    I’m a single father of one, I’ve been raising my daughter alone since she was 3 and she is now 9. Evan is spot on. I am 41 and in the same spot as the original poster. Although 4 children may seem overwhelming at first, I would certainly consider a relationship with a mother because of her personality and how we get along. I love fatherhood and have long realized it’s hard to find someone that understands what it’s like to be a single custodial parent.


  7. 47

    I don’t think the woman needs to settle for an older man. She simply needs to find someone who understands where she is coming from. Not all older men are mature. Not all men her age are immature.   But 4 kids is a lot to deal with and I’m not sure even I would want to take that on. However, they shouldn’t use her for sex. Men seem to forget how much they dislike being used for their money but do turn around and use women for sex.  

    Alot of older men are users just as much as men your own age. Alot of men in general today are immature and selfish, not willing to develop relationship skills that would further their relationships with women. (Hence the reason Evan caters to women and not men. Women are interested in working on these aspects of their lives, men aren’t.)   I suspect it has something to do with Peter Pan culture, where men don’t want to mature, develop their relationships with women so much as look at porn and play video games while hoping to maintain women’s respect in them through some magical fantasy. But there are good men out there. There are just more weeds then flowers. Doesn’t mean a woman can’t find a good man around her own age.  

    And and Rusty? A lot of older men are creepy. Which is why they draw those feelings out in younger women. Being hit on by older men is about the least flattering thing that can happen. Men may want younger women, and that may be your reality. But another reality exists too. The reality where women don’t want to have to be forced to settle for older men. Women want to experience life with their partner. They want a true partner. Not a father figure that she’s going to have to play nursemaid to in their golden years.  

  8. 48

    Here’s a perspective from a woman with no kids that dated a single father. Before I start, I’m now married at 30 and my husband doesn’t have kids from a previous either. The spark initially occurred because of just that: we had no children.   With that said, I’m gonna share a perspective on this. Before meeting my husband, I dated a single father for almost 3 years. I loved his kids like they were mine, but when the relationship ended (he went back to his kid’s mom), it was a huge mental and emotional heartbreak. Not because of him. It was because I grew attached to his kids. The same applied to my husband. Before me, he was with a single mom for 5 years (3 kids, 3 different men). It was identical to my situation, he grew attached to her children. The tricky part is when the break up occurs. We aren’t those kids biological parent.   We can’t demand to see them. And all the money and time invested in this already packaged family we will never get back. It’s frustrating to say the least. Another factor in this, and single mom’s are very guilty of this, is you love saying “my kids comes first”. Ok. That’s great. They should. But you can’t ask that a man stay on the sidelines until you get free time. There is a woman out there without children that can devote the time to build a relationship, whereas, well, you dont. Another issue is more children. The woman in this post already has 4 kids under 9? What if the man that dates her wants a child of his own?   That’s not fair to him whatsoever. It seems that single mom’s are under This impression that someone needs to accept their children, no matter what. No we dont. We can stay single a little longer until someone comes along that doesn’t have a child and get put the time in to build a relationship.   It sucks to say that, but it’s true. I have a friend that’s in her 40’s, two failed marriages and 2 kids. She keeps saying she’s just looking for love. But the truth is, some people don’t want certain things already prepackaged,   such as a family. The moment a man hears she has two teenagers,   they back off and it hurts her, but she doesn’t see it from the other end of the table. That’s a hell of a commitment, and we as the childless are honest about that up front. I can’t tell you how many fathers did everything in their power to convince me that their kids won’t be a problem. Believe that if you want to. But I’m not gonna rob myself of the opportunity to be a mother because he didn’t want anymore kids because he already had 3 of his own. I’m not their mom. It is what it is, and I’m sorry if it sounds offensive. But the reality is there are so many single people that want drama free relationships that can blossom into something great. And sometimes drama free means no kids.  

    1. 48.1

      AMEN!!! this is why I refuse to date men with kids. Not just b/c the kids come first, but there’s always a woman in his life more important than you, too: the mother of his kids. I feel like a lot of great, childless men/women sucked into the drama of a single parent and frankly, a bit resentful. Focus up on your kids. Go find other single parents like you who get it. Why you think any man who has it all going on and no kids and is young and hot is gonna wanna limit his options this severely is beyond me.  

  9. 49

    Hi Cristina.   This is my first post on this blog and I felt compelled to post because we are very similar.   I am 35 (almost 36) and a single mom of 3 girls ages 9 and under.   I have been divorced for 3.5 years.   Evan’s advice is spot on.   Like you, I have an excellent body, I am attractive, I am financially independent, my kids’ dad is in the picture.   I have no desire to stop dating or be single and I resent posters who imply that by dating, I somehow am not putting my kids first.   No way!   I want stability and a romantic life and eventually to hopefully marry again, nothing wrong with that!

    Anyway, I have dated the gamut, but have focused on men 40+.   I dated a man who was single, never married for 2 years and while he was ok with dating me, he wanted a kid of his own and didn’t seem to grasp what it was like to have kids.   He was very self-centered.   I have discovered that dating is like marketing.   You have to find your market and then focus on finding the right people in that market.

    As an attractive woman in her 30s with kids, my market is very different from the market of a woman in her mid-30s without kids – even a woman who makes less money than me and is less attractive.   Simply put, a 38 year old man with no kids is going to date a 32 year old woman (for example) with no kids and will prefer one who is less attractive than I am.   Also, my market is different from a hot 35 year old with 1 kid.   A 38 year old may be able to “overlook” the fact that said 35 year old has 1 kid if she happens to be hot and independant.   3 kids scares a lot of men away.

    So, what is my market?   Men in their 40s who have kids too.   I am attractive and I have zeroed in on men who are 7s and 8s in physical attractiveness, not 9s or 10s who make a lot of money.   A 7 or 8 with kids will “get” me and are still attractive so I don’t feel like I am settling.   THeir kids will be similarly aged so we will be going through the same things.   Like me, they juggle custody schedules.   In short, they GET parenthood.   I choose the guys who also have careers, so I won’t compromise on the intellectual stuff.   But I avoid the guys that seem to be at the true pinnacle – the gorgeous guy who looks like a movie star who also happens to be a doctor or a lawyer.   Those guys are at the pinnacle and they tend to want arm candy and sex.   BUt find a guy who is good looking enough with a solid career (also independent) and some responsibilities (kids of his own) and you will find that he is more likely to want the same things as you and more likely to see beyond the “Mt. Everest” of 4 kids.   Kids are only “Mt. Everest” if you are marketing to the wrong population.  

  10. 50

    I think Cristina is living in an unrealistic fantasyland since she is a screenwriter of Romantic Comedies, I think she has unrealistic expectations.   First off, does she want to get married again in a long-term relationship? Second, since she has 4 kids already, does she want more kids?   Most men care about their own finances, and don’t want to financially take care of 4 non-biological children.   If she re-marries I’m assuming the guy will want 2 more kids of his own?   It really sucks for her dating life, but realistically Men want sex, and they don’t want to end up babysitting 4 kids who are not theirs.   If she wants a long-term relationship with a guy, she has to figure out exactly what that means and how much free-time she actually has to devote to this boyfriend.   I agree that her chances of finding a boyfriend improve if she dates other single dads who are not scared of kids.

  11. 51

    That sounds awesome…Id be happy to be a non-father, non-provider, friend, companion and whatever else you want me to be…hehe

  12. 52

    This is a bunch of bs. There are plenty of men that i know not interested in getting simply laid as their main motivation, myself included. You are generalizing and i personally take offense. Perhaps u are a bad judge of character. Any good man knows if its a good fit, has chemistry then the sex will come with time and getting to know u as a person is the most fun. In my opinion the number one importance in the dating world is pyhsical attraction. U have to be in shape and handsome. Not average, not a few extra pounds, in shape. Hmmm and what do u get, a good looking self consumed, shallow, egotistical male whos only purpose is meeting his own desires regardless if u are a mom, professional, or individual. I mean thats what i boils down to today doesnt it? Our value is measured in face only. Regardless if u are intelligent, witty, kind, generious. Women would rather date, tasty and tall. So please turn that finger around and point it at urself. U date bad, i know, the ranting post. A real man wouldnt give a shit about fucking u, he’d wanna know u and ur only finding the ones who want to fuck. Goodluck.

  13. 53

    stereotypes are a bitch.. Single moms should find a man in the same predicament as her, someone who’s at the point of desparity in their life where they will take whoever crosses their path so they aren’t alone, bs nonsense. The fact is men mature way later than women, so a woman of 34 really shouldn’t date a guy of 34 because most likely he still is acting like a 20 year old as they all do as doesn’t want to quite clip his wings and settle down yet, unless you find that unicorn guy who is mature at his age and isn’t totally self centered and will commit, if you do then you’re one in a million.

  14. 54

    well before reading this article I felt hopeful about marrying someone close to my age and now I feel like I need to start dating older men in their 40’s and I’m not attracted to men in their 40’s… so I guess dating is pointless for me as well?? Becauce I’m 34 and I’m a single mother of a little boy who is now 10. And from what I’ve been told I don’t look my age, I’ve had guys ID me because they think I’m in my mid 20’s. I have had guys want to be relationships with me, and commit but I’d also had a lot of guys who seem to only 1 thing and NOT commit. So I should give up the hope of expanding my family with more kids and a husband because NO guy in their 30’s will want me? That’s what I get from this article and all the comments. I’m usually a VERY positive person, and have always had hope and believed I would find a man who would love me and MY son and someday we could expand our family together. I guess I should give up that dream? Help me understand why your advice to this women is to date older and someone with kids. I’ve ONLY recently had guys in their 30’s start to ask me out, before it was always young guys. I would like to date someone MY age of older but not 40. I feel bad for this women, I guess because I can relate.

    1. 54.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      No one said you should give up hope. You just need to understand what everyone else seem to get: your dating pool consists of men who ARE interested in you, rather than men NOT interested in you. You seem to have eliminated the possibility that there are men 34-40 who are also divorced with kids, as well as the possibility that there are men 40-45 who are attractive and look young for their age just like YOU. So instead of despairing over something I didn’t say, how about you take the more balanced view that if you want a 29-year-old guy without kids, it’s a longshot, but there are no shortage of men who would appreciate a woman like you – if you had a slightly better attitude towards them.

      1. 54.1.1

        Thank you for the feedback! I do have a great attitude towards the men who have been interested in me! I feel as though I may have been a little naive now after reading some of these comments though. I’m not saying men in their 40’s are not attractive, there are plenty of gorgeous men and women in their 40’s and I’m sure 50’s as well! But I don’t understand why a man has to have been divorced or also with children in order to date to me. I don’t know maybe I misunderstood your message to this women and I apologize for that…. I do find it unfortunate that love seems to be so complicated. I wouldn’t ever date a man who didn’t love children anyways regardless off their age however if me having a child puts men in their 30’s off then I guess they’re not the right person for anyways. I would love to meet someone I’m attracted to and on my level regardless of their age I just haven’t met any men in their 40’s or been approached by any.

        1. Tom

          Dana, the reason Evan suggested you open your options to someone older, divorced and having children is because they are more understanding with the lifestyle of children and the divorce also makes them more experienced in finding who they want in a relationship and who they don’t.   I am a 40 year old male, divorced with 3 children

  15. 55

    Umm… Don’t get me wrong, but I think the men you met would tend to assume that Christina wasn’t loyal because she was divorced. I know, her ex may have been in the wrong, but the problem is that the first thing they will think is that she is somehow at fault … which is not necessarily true, of course.

  16. 56
    Lisa, Colorado, USA

    Or the other, more appealing option:
    how about you date the cute 34 year old that also has children and who will value and appreciate a kind, loving and intelligent woman that will be an important person in his children’s’ lives. You don’t have to settle for a man 10 years your senior to find love (so tired of that being the only option men can offer) but you might have to forego the single, bad-boy, bachelors. Your white knight might be driving an SUV. P.S. Rare is the man that tackles Everest. Rare, but he exists.

  17. 57

    This guys are unfair. But not all guys are the same. I need someone to take care of me and for me to show her my love by residing with her

  18. 58

    OP, there has been some sound advice here and there has been some hot air. Im 35 with one daughter. I have a decent job and I do have free time. I do not date but that is not because of lack of interest. What I have SEEN in real life is plenty of people blending families. If someone doesnt want you they will find one reason or another to reject you-weight,debt,extra wrinkle,bad social skills,hair not curly. These people you dont want to date with or without a kid. Before I had a kid, all men wanted was sex lol. Before I had a kid I was not spending all day on a date. My point is if you focus your sites on someone who understands that EVERYONE HAS BAGGAGE and that life does not always go as planned. Some/alot of people (men and women) like kids or didnt get to have any. So my message is one of hope. Do compromise and be reasonable. You should not ask more of someone else than you ask of yourself but you will find your guy.

  19. 59
    Nathan Lee

    Your problems are completely self-caused.

  20. 60

    You say you’re not desperate but this article sounds as if you are very desperate, almost to the point of giving up on men. Also, you mention not wanting to feel grateful for having a guy. There is nothing wrong with being grateful to be with someone. Nobody wants to be with someone that is not grateful. As for sex. That is how men are wired. You’re going to have to deal with the reality that sex is a very important part of what men want in a relationship. Who wants to be in a non intimate relationship?

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