Newsflash: Older Men Don’t Want Women Their Own Age

old man with a younger woman
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Was just on CBS Early Show and had a blast, as usual. Julie Chen was super nice and made getting up at 3:30am well worth it. As for the “debate”? Well, it’s morning news, so there’s only so deep you can go. Too bad we didn’t have a full hour to really get in there. I had about three anecdotes about clients lying about their age that I didn’t get a chance to use.

1) My 54-year-old male client who had electric chemistry with a woman on a first date. After an hour of making out with her, he was fully smitten. Called her the next day, where she confessed that she wasn’t 54 herself. When asked how old she was, she said “Let’s just say I’m in my sixties”. They never would have met had she told the truth up front.

2) My 71-year-old female client who is on a crew team but has never confessed her age, because she doesn’t want to feel “different” than everyone else. She likes fitting in and sees no need to call attention to her age.

3) Just yesterday, my 44-year-old client, who, upon hearing about my upcoming CBS appearance, started to rail against guys who lie about their age. Yet when we logged onto her old JDate profile, she audibly gasped. “Ohmigod. I guess I lied about my age, too”.

So while I would never go and call myself an “advocate” of lying, I would say that we should reserve judgment. There’s a difference between a serial fabricator and a woman who is insecure that telling the truth will lead to age discrimination. At least that’s what I would have said, if I had more time.

But the best part of the interview was the one in which I didn’t speak (ha!) It was when Julie asked the male anchors whether they’d date an older woman. Their non-answers speak for themselves.

Check out the clip here!

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Comments:

  1. 201
    Charly

    I am   71 year old male.   I am 5’7″ tall and weigh 145 pounds.    Have all my hair and teeth.    I have been lifting weights since I was 11 years old.   There is a lot of age discrimination on dating sites.   I am being rejected because of a number.

  2. 202
    Roslyn Washington

    I want to offer empathy, I think you should be honest even if someone else is not telling the truth about their age. I don’t think you have to tell friends and folks you don’t know about your age, but if you are wanting to get involved with someone, reveal your age. Not everyone wants to date someone your age, and I hope you don’t want to date someone who doesn’t want to date you. Work on your self esteem.

  3. 203
    Ciena

    What Cat #91 said!

    “Honestly I probably would have guessed between 48 — 52. There are intangibles I think that somehow reveal peoples’ ages, no matter how young they think they look.”

    It’s true, no matter how young or good I look, there are lots of hints as to what my real age is, such as my intellect, experiences I share, & interests. This is a good thing IMO. Sounds rather silly the amount of people on this thread making a case for “I really do look 10 years younger than I am” … just be yourself. Don’t lie. If you have a youthful energy and are beautiful, fit, etc that will come across in your pictures and how your profile is written. Or in person, on the street … you are likely attracting people on this basis if this is the case.  Also please don’t tell me in your profile how young you look or act, how people never guess your real age. Huge turn off!

     

  4. 204
    Yet Another Guy

    @Evan

    I know that this blog entry is old, but I would like to add my observations.   As my age shaving experiments have revealed, older women who have taken care of themselves do not want men their own age either.   Shaving seven years off of my chronological age resulted in a significant increase in “likes” and message traffic from women my true chronological age and several years younger.   Age bias is an affliction that affects both genders as they age.   Older women who have taken care of themselves believe that they are entitled to a younger man as well.   It is a frustrating problem that is endemic on dating sites.   What I have found is that it is the matronly looking older women who complain the loudest about men their age not being interested.   Instead of complaining, these women should join a gym, adopt a healthier lifestyle, and have fashion, hairstyle, and makeup makeovers.   People of all ages are drawn to people who look healthy.

  5. 205
    LInda

    I am 55 and trying to do dating sites, but its been sort of useless. I am starting to think I am being filtered out.   I am   pretty, color my longer hair,   wear make up and am not extremely fat. I am not a flashy dresser.    It is difficult to keep looking like you were in your thirties due to developed physical restraints.   I am willing to be lenient looking for a mate in terms of thier looks because I understand the effects of mature age. I prefer that a person be kind and humorous than entirely physically fit.      However, I find it difficult to be attracted to the many pictures of men posted in my own age group due to gray hair, unruly beards, motorcycles, sunglasses, fishing pictures, and crummy looking apartments.

     

    1. 205.1
      Yet Another Guy

      @Linda

      You do know that you are not performing an apples to apples comparison?   Sure, guys post bad photos; however, without hair color, you would be gray as well.   Do you expect men to color their hair as well? I have a full head of hair that is still its natural color at age 57, but I won the genetic lottery when it comes to hair.   My current girlfriend is fairly gray without hair color.   Should I not date her because she is gray au natural?   That would be a stupid decision in my mind.

      As far as to being filtered out, have you considered that you may have your standards set too high?   If you take the attractiveness level of the guys who contact you on a dating site and average it, that is your SMV.    Women tend to have an unrealistic approach to online dating.   It has been statistically proven that women target the top 20% of men on dating, regardless of their own SMV.   Additionally, a lot of women still have the “date up” status-wise mindset that they had when they were younger.     A guy with a high SMV and high status can get a younger woman.

      1. 205.1.1
        Lynx

        Re: “Do you expect men to color their hair as well?”

        I think it’s difficult for many men who are, oh, around 45+, to understand that yes, they should make an effort with their appearance (generalizing here, but the younger guys I know seem more comfortable with grooming). I’m yet another one of those women who is 55 and in excellent shape. I don’t want to date a younger or more (relative to me) attractive guy, but I do want to date a man who makes the most out of what he’s got, as I do. My boyfriend is 58 and would probably be considered to have a lower SMV than me, but he stays reasonably fit and his personality is off the charts. It works.

        For people who are seeking a high quality long-term relationship, don’t you think most of us want a peer rather than a trophy?

        1. Yet Another Guy

          @Lynx

          If you are referring to shaving/waxing, then yes, younger guys are more cool with it than older guys on average; however, younger men to be more comfortable with a lot of things that were traditionally seen as feminine.   It is the nature of the beast.   I do agree that a lot of older men could pay better attention to the appearance; however, so could a lot of older women.   Hair dye does not replace healthy eating and a gym membership.     Being in shape takes years off of a person’s appearance and improves overall health.     I am in good shape for my age. I still have a very masculine build because I was a bodybuilder when I was younger, and the changes that were made during that period of time became permanent because I started to work out before my bone plates sealed.   I took about a decade off, but my body took to exercise like a duck to water when I got back into the gym.   My current girlfriend is four years my senior, and is still working off the weight she gained during menopause. She was making headway before I met her and is still doing so.   I support her.   I have become her personal trainer because I spent so much time the gym when I was younger.     Yet, I have made it clear that the desire to be in shape needs to continue to come from within.

          I guess that reality is that most people end up in a like-seeks-like relationship (a.k.a. assortative paring).   Those who attempt to date too far up end up alone.

        2. Lynx

          @yag

          Here’s a real-world example: a 50-something woman I know is dating a smart, nice 50-something guy with a nose hair issue. It’s not a deal-breaker, but it’s kinda gross. It’s such an easy thing to fix, but he’s oblivious and she just doesn’t feel comfortable bringing it up. So, I’m not even talking about full-body defurring: just attend to the crazy orifice hair, guys, especially as you age!

          Cool that you’re helping your gf with health and fitness. So many people give up when they don’t need to, because fitness can be improved at any age. Ernestine Shepherd is my idol–she didn’t start a solid fitness regimen until her 50s and now holds the Guinness record for oldest active bodybuilder. I think she’s retired now, but she’s 80-something and looks amazing!

  6. 206
    Linda

    there are a lot of posts on here that say that older women are not attractive. My point is: it runs in both directions. It seems you are telling me to reduce my standards because I am over 50. But I don’t want to date anyone that I am not attracted to and I want to find someone in my class range because I have worked hard to get here. You are very lucky to find someone.. wish I could too

    1. 206.1
      Lynx

      At some point, it becomes a math issue. Depending on your criteria, it’s possible there truly is no one you consider datable. Last year, my daughter — a 6′ tall, smart, beautiful high school senior — was lamenting her lack of a boyfriend. So, I walked her through the math:

      1,000: senior class

      500: males in senior class

      70: senior class males 6′ or taller

      7: senior class males 6’+ in the top 10% IQ

      3.5: assuming half are in a relationship, the available dating population, and she hasn’t even considered personality or sense of humor or looks yet

      Obviously, these are rough stats and the actual pool extends beyond her school — I was playing with her. But the message hit home: the more rigidity in her criteria, the more she was limiting her options.

       

      1. 206.1.1
        Yet Another Guy

        @Lynx

        You need to also factor in the reality that women find 8 out of every 10 men to be unattractive, so the figure is actually less than 1 out of 1000 ( 3.5 * 0.2 = 0.7).

        1. Cathalei

          Assuming that she will find 80% of  that group of men unattractive,  that is. If her express criteria of attraction is that, they most likely hit the bill from the start. Of course, this isn’t a guarantee for a good relationship due to other factors but all men don’t equal select group of men.

        2. Yet Another Guy

          @Cathalei

          We are talking about physically attractive, not compensating attractive (women often use other attributes to compensate for lack of physical attractiveness). Women find 8 out of every 10 men physically unattractive; therefore, the probability of all of the 3.5 men being physically attractive is close to nil.

        3. Lynx

          These are all just approximates, of course. The point I was trying to make with my daughter is to be open-minded. Anyone with a long, specific list of deal-breakers is very likely to end up alone.

           

          We have tall women in our family, ranging from 5’9″ to 6’3″ — I’m the short one. I didn’t want my daughter to feel compelled to date only taller guys, which will arbitrarily cut out so many potentially good partners.

           

          Although, her experience so far is that the height issue has bothered the guys more than it’s bothered her — she’s okay with being taller. So a message to short guys out there: if you’re interested in a taller girl, don’t continually comment on her height. It’s annoying.

        4. Marika

          It’s this stuff which makes you not come across as a Gen-Xer, YAG. I’m not sure what you’re like in person, but on here, the inflexibility of thought, speaking like an authority on lots of things (including how women think), quoting studies as though they are set-in-stone rules, not being open to other possibilities/interpretations & a dialogue instead of lecturing us etc. etc., make it seem like you have some really fixed and old -fashioned views on women and ‘how things are’. For those of us with Baby Boomer authority figures, it reminds us of that way of thinking.

  7. 207
    Roj Jure Rabut

    I usually pass for 12 years my junior without even trying to ..Some say even younger..when someone asks my age is I reply   “how old do i look?” whatever they reply i just say   “sounds good to me.”

  8. 208
    Sherrie

    Here’s my two cents. When I see young couples walking around with little kids I often have to look twice wondering is that his daughter? (The wife looks way younger) but when I see older couples walking around many times I look twice wondering is that her son? So in young age women look younger, but through the years women unfortunately look more wrinkles than men. It’s a sad fact, but true. And I’m a woman.

  9. 209
    Ethan

    As a man in his late thirties, who has been married to my wife for 14 years, I will say this to men my age or older. For those of you who are in your thirties and forties, why did you wait so long? My guess is because as men we are told that we can have kids at any age, which is true, but it doesn’t mean that woman in their twenties will continue to want you as your age. Maybe the problem is you didn’t take your twenties seriously. I got married at 25. My wife and I were both out of medical school and together over a hundred thousand dollars in debt. Now 14 years later we are both out of debt and pretty successful. Yes, I was lucky and got my wife during her very fertile years, but I cared about her desires, her educational needs, and career goals. That is what a woman wants. Someone who supports her goals, not someone who supports her financially. Out of all our married friends, from high school, college, and medical school, NOT one of our male friends married anyone more than three years younger than them, and most were all married by 30. If you are a man in your thirties, and think you have all this time because you can always marry a younger woman, know most of those woman will not take you seriously. You know how people see it’s a red flag for a 30 year old woman to be single, I can assure you woman are concerned when they meet a man in his mid to late thirties who has never married. And if you have married, and are now divorced, a woman in her twenties will be concerned. Don’t waste your twenties playing the field if you want a quality woman, or woman who women who want a quality man. Woman do not care that you as a man are still fertile at 40, if they are in their twenties they want a man closer to their age. You can complain about this, and say it isn’t fair, but it is what it is. Woman are more educated then us men now, so our money does not mean that much to them. I consider myself lucky that I am married to a woman my age who makes as much money as me. I never have to worry about he being with me for my money. Stop taking advantage of your twenties men, and playing around and take your life serious. You will have a young wife, that it seems so many of you desire, and will be able to have kids. Men need to man up and stop pushing of married until your thirties and forties. If you don’t, do not believe that you deserve to marry a youth woman.

  10. 210
    Ted Harrell

    Why have a ham sandwich when you can have a steak? The happiest guys I know are ones that moved overseas in retirement and married much younger women, and I mean 20-30 years younger. I worked in SE Asia for years and knew that I would never retire back in the states or be with another Western women. Foreign women are better wives. Sure, Western women are more accomplished but men are attracted to different things than women are. Your status and career mean little to us. Youth, beauty and femininity are what’s important to a man, generally. Good luck, ladies.

  11. 211
    ttt wwww

    Im 59, in good health and good shape. Look 45 or told that at least. I will not date fat women, looks are not as important and being thin.

  12. 212
    Anonymous

    As a guy I sometimes lie about my exact age on a dating websites too because evil corporations like those who control online dating or google who controls search to the internet should not have that kind of private information.

    Men used to work so hard to find a good, desireable woman in this world, but now it is nigh impossible to succeed except for the few who make it because feminism and egalitarianism ruined what little men had left. Women can be equals now in supporting their men or financially successful leaders in feminism for their men, but they do not want or care about doing what men have done for centuries–earning bread and meat and being good providers–. There are no good men in charge when you destroy the patriarchy of good men.

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