Newsflash: Older Men Don’t Want Women Their Own Age

Newsflash: Older Men Don't Want Women Their Own Age

Was just on CBS Early Show and had a blast, as usual. Julie Chen was super nice and made getting up at 3:30am well worth it. As for the “debate”? Well, it’s morning news, so there’s only so deep you can go. Too bad we didn’t have a full hour to really get in there. I had about three anecdotes about clients lying about their age that I didn’t get a chance to use.

1) My 54-year-old male client who had electric chemistry with a woman on a first date. After an hour of making out with her, he was fully smitten. Called her the next day, where she confessed that she wasn’t 54 herself. When asked how old she was, she said “Let’s just say I’m in my sixties”. They never would have met had she told the truth up front.

2) My 71-year-old female client who is on a crew team but has never confessed her age, because she doesn’t want to feel “different” than everyone else. She likes fitting in and sees no need to call attention to her age.

3) Just yesterday, my 44-year-old client, who, upon hearing about my upcoming CBS appearance, started to rail against guys who lie about their age. Yet when we logged onto her old JDate profile, she audibly gasped. “Ohmigod. I guess I lied about my age, too”.

So while I would never go and call myself an “advocate” of lying, I would say that we should reserve judgment. There’s a difference between a serial fabricator and a woman who is insecure that telling the truth will lead to age discrimination. At least that’s what I would have said, if I had more time.

But the best part of the interview was the one in which I didn’t speak (ha!) It was when Julie asked the male anchors whether they’d date an older woman. Their non-answers speak for themselves.

Check out the clip here!

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  1. 181

    I read most of these posts and normally I would not comment but I feel I have to.

    In Germany, it is not unusual when a man marries a woman 4 years OLDER than him. A lot of my female friends are married to men who are 4 to 8 years younger than them. I have seen men and women get older. Most of my female friends from high school look pretty dang good. Some of my male friends from high school look good as well. Men can let themselves go just as women can.

    In the past 5 years I have been approached by younger men. I have had one long term relationship with a man who was 8.5 years younger than me. He refused to tell me his age because he wanted me to give him a chance. When I found out I talked to my grandparents about it. My grandmother was 2 years OLDER than my grandfather. Both of them said to me that age does not matter and that I should go for it. My ex looked like a younger version of Brad Pitt/Russell Crowe and he was 6 ft 4 inches. 90 percent of the planet would find this man attractive.

    The next man I dated was 14 years younger than me. He approached me and I told him the age difference was just a bit much. After 3 weeks convincing me to date him, I finally did. I was his sister’s age not his mother but still it was a big age difference!! We had nothing in common but he was so smart, such a gentlemen, very cultured and the red shoes he wore was charming. I do not regret dating him and you know what he didn’t either.

    The recent man who I turned down because 14 years age difference is just not okay. It just does not work. Knocked on my door sang a song to me while playing guitar. It was “Sour Girl” by STP which he sang beautifully and made my day. I wish him well and you know when I told him how old I was….he was surprise but then he said “your beauty is ageless.”

    Now my male single friends some who are now married have always told me and this will get the older men upset because they are breaking “the code” If a man asks you out and he is younger than you….so what.

    I lived in an apt like back in the late 90’s and there was this couple rollerblading. They were boyfriend and girlfriend. The man always wanted an older woman. He always found them attractive. He was 78 and she was 83. Rollerblading holding hands.

    There was a couple in my condo building. They were married for a long time. The wife was 10 years older than the husband. It does happen.

    I don’t do online dating because I want to meet the person. I am in my early-mid 40’s planning on working til the very end because I want to be productive in my life. I am petite. I don’t know how old I look but if I am getting asked out by men who are in their late 20’s. They getting shocked in regards to how old I am then perhaps I look younger. No smoking, no drinking and no kids………………that combo does make one look younger.

    I think of Carol Alt and her longtime boyfriend who is a hunk by the way. She is older but if you see the photos of them he is very smitten by her. They are adorable. Nothing wrong with that.

    On the other side of the coin, there was this one woman who married a much older man and as soon as he passed away…..3 months later she was with a guy younger than her. She stated that she will never marry again….hmmm wonder why that would be.

    Also I knew a man who was bragging how much younger his wife was the second one. His first wife made more money than him and he was upset about that. I saw his ex-wife and then his second wife. Just because your younger does not make you prettier. She was very plain with a daughter. He had anger issues and let me stress the ex-wife was the lucky one.

    Now if a man wants kids yes a younger woman under 40 most of the time can still have children. However, no woman really wants a man at a certain age to be a father to her kids. Would a woman prefer a younger man to have kids with………………… bet! But a man after 40…………..women live longer than men and now make more money. Plus the older the father is then the higher risk of the child having health problems. Also the lesser lifespan to be with the child, meaning the woman will have no father for her kid later on.

    Most women and most men just want 2 kids tops. So if there is a single father and he is like 35-38 and he has one kid then the odds are that he will not have more children. Plus the fact, child support takes 18-20 percent for the first child……………and if he has never been married then you have to be pretty dang special for him to want more kids AND to get married. Because to be blunt, it is not a benefit for him but a benefit for you. If the man is working 60 hours week and is now enjoying his life getting use to everything……I don’t think he would want another kid unless he is a young father.

    I think perhaps in 10 years time it is going to be like Germany. 1/4th of marriages the woman will be older than the man maybe by 5 years-8 years. Plus women are living longer and there are more work options.

    If a man wants a younger woman (say 10 years or more) it is just EGO because 90 percent of the time and as a woman makes her own money…..the younger woman will more likely cheat with a younger man. Where as if a man marries a slightly older woman, there is a lesser chance of cheating and things are more equal. So men need to pick……either be with a woman who is your equal or be with a woman who is a self-described “gold digger” guaranteeing that the male ego is going to get bruised.

    Am I ageist to REALLY want to date men currently between the ages of 38-42….. only to those men over 42 years of age! And if most men are upset with this………………then welcome to 2016.







    1. 181.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      You’re not ageist. You may just be limited and fail to get what you want. The choice, as always, is yours.

  2. 182

    I think a few bad dates with someone maybe 5 or 6 years older ruins it for the whole bunch because you start to think it’s the age and not the person. Also I’ve found that men older are still lying about their age so a man claiming to be 50 looks 60 on the date so I’ve gone younger for these reasons.

  3. 183

    After my husband walked out of our marriage of 36 years only 3 years ago, I was so hurt and injured that he couldn’t even tell me he wasn’t happy. Just left. After reading the book “Runaway Husbands” I began to understand from others that it happened to that I neither deserved this trauma and I was not to blame, it was his inability to communicate his emotions and feelings.

    I am 59 years old and recently divorced from him and now have come out of the pain and fog that I once had. Recently I signed up on two dating sites, with a profile and photos of me and have gotten many, many positive responses from men – ages 50 to 65 years old. They tell me. “wow, you look great for your age” etc yet I don’t find any of them particularly attractive at all, even rude and some look so beat up like grandpa or even a great grandpa or sorts.  I am thinking maybe I should just not date at all. I’m not looking for Cary Grant or the like, but come on guys, take care of yourselves. Shave, lose some beer weight, and exercise a bit.

    Maybe the men my age range want someone like me who is petite, thin, does her hair and makeup and dresses ok, and takes care of herself, and looks like a trophy doll. but I’m nothing like this.  All I am looking for is a good guy, average looking, and has a great heart too.

  4. 184

    I am 40 and I would rather be alone than date a woman my age. I go to the gym, watch what I eat etc. We go out for a drink after work but they just go home. Too many women my age are overweight negative and boring.

  5. 185

    So basically men don’t want relationships anymore? Sounds pretty degrading to both the men and the women. This can’t be all of you can it? I am a white woman who is educated, works, has had two kids, is 5’6″ and 140 lbs (is that horribly over weight?) I feel a little upset that the color of my skin is a deal breaker. I am saddened that people think like this because it is limiting to both sides. I have been the type to just date guys I have a nice time with, can get to know or enjoy being around. I just want to find someone around my age who wants to go fishing/camping, likes dogs and going for walks. I want to get to know a guy…how he likes his coffee, if he is offended by being rode, if he would eat weird foods if I attempted to make them… I don’t get the rest of this crap. I seriously don’t have a lot to say but I do ask a lot of questions so not sure about my mouth. I am unsure where I sit on this attractive or not scale but I don’t place a lot of importance on it because I don’t really think about it. Thank you for the article and I would like some more insight on what the men have to say.

  6. 186
    Deb 46

    Let me make a statement-the only reason older men want younger women is to hold on to their youth-It’s a character flaw and very unattractive one- No young women wants an older man that can’t even keep there same age or even younger wives not guide young enough for them happy in the sack- even though she is beautiful,sexy and wanted by many others- makes me sick

  7. 187
    Igloo koldbut armpithot

    oh yeah..i’m sure that everyone here  has stagnated interests..i’m 62 years old and if i have to date one more woman who watches murder she wrote and columbo or mash , i’ll tear my hair out..these shrines people build in their heads to their high school era ,..well..ugh!!!! i do not care for the beach boys..i listen to Tarja Turunen and symphonic metal..i’m not a grandpa that stuffed new music and movies and sounds in a grandpa pouch over the years///i loathe movies that came out before the 80’s..i love music videos from Bruno Mars to Xandria to Amberian Dawn,not Tony Orlando and Dawn..I prefer symphonic Metal over anything 60’s or 70’s any day of the week…I prefer watching music videos and watching horror movies and action movies over..camping ..are you kidding???camping?? ewww..the visual i get of kathryn hepburn in shorts and hiking down nature trails isn’t exactly attractive imo..most men want younger women for one reason and this is fact>>men don’t give up on finding someone they’re physically attracted old ladies seem to believe that men get to a certain age and they’re supposed to give up that desire completely and overlook hanging arm flesh and cellulite to focus solely on a womans inner being..are you  kidding me?? us men are supposed to just accept   wrinkled ,flabby flesh and and not desire attractive nice looking women merely because of  our age?? what stupid advice..i’d love to hear a psychologist’s opinion on that.. the opinion  of ,”totally forego any desire for  physical attraction and focus on personality because your an old fart and can’t get pretty people anymore”.. is basically the notion of most women(over 50) toward men  the same age and older from what i can tell.. lol..yikes.

  8. 188

    Igloo 187 – sounds sexist and discrimating to me.  Do you truly think that a 62 year old man does not have any physical defects, like wrinkles, flabby flesh that you like to attribute to women? Do you not find it only slightly absurd to see a 62 year old man desiring an 18 year old? I wonder just what a young woman like that would do with him.  No, we ain’t all boring, flabby and dressed in our nightgowns and slippers all day.  Some of us are still attractive, interesting and have our own lives to lead, including…………… men that we choose, regardless of age.  I personally would not want a man of 18 to go out with, regardless of whether he is muscular, attractive, etc.  Maybe a man in his 50s would do nicely but that would really depend on his attitude, which, for me, is the bottom line.

  9. 189

    When I met my soon to be husband 36 years ago I thought he was older – he thought I was younger. Come to find out, he was 23 and I was 27. I am now 63 to his 59 and to this day, everyone we meet thinks I’m younger than him. No, they are not just being nice. He is a good looking man. Obviously, I’m not too bad myself. Why is it that most men think when a man gets older he becomes distinguished and when a woman gets older she is just old. Or maybe, it’s women age gracefully, becoming mature and even more sexy; men just become boring cranky old farts with erectile dysfunction?! So to all those men who won’t date ‘older’ women… you’re missing out. smh

    1. 189.1

      Alright Anne,

      Since you just gratuitously attacked(by implication) men my age (68) as “boring, cranky old farts with erectile dysfunction”, while “women age gracefully, becoming mature and even more sexy”, here’s my rejoinder. I’m 5’9″, 157 lbs. , I am still well acquainted with both my belt buckle and my feet and there is not one ounce of flab or cellulite on my body. I do not have ED, never have had, and have never used Viagra yet. I still ride (fox hunt), ski, and even rock climb on occasion. Most men in their fifties cannot do my daily workout, and I seriously doubt you can. The only thing that makes me cranky, is listening to bitter, delusional women like you deride men, while conveniently overlooking the fact that most women my age are overweight, flabby, have let themselves go completely, do not give a damn about doing so, and have a non-existent libido last seen sometime in the dim, distant past. Their idea of excitement is sitting on the couch watching reruns of who cares what, stuffing their faces, and playing bridge, which seems to be about the only exercise (apart from running their mouths and keyboards), they seem disposed  to do. Most of that (as in their male counterparts), is a function not of age, but of attitude, behavior choices, and lifestyle. Now, Anne, tell me one more time exactly what part I’m missing out on, because I am not, never have been, and never will be, physically attracted to something like that. I ask because if you’re going to suggest next, that I as a man who has done the work to continue to have an exciting ,vital lifestyle, with a body to match, should somehow force myself to be physically attracted to someone who clearly has not, regardless of her age, because as an older man, that’s “the best I deserve”, forget it! That will happen, the day there’s an ice hockey game in hell every Tuesday night! There’s a steady drumbeat of “women perfect, men, disgusting” on this site, and I am going to respond in kind to you and any other female or female apologist who spouts that line, until the realization that being obese, boring, sexually dysfunctional, lazy, and most of all hypocritical, knows no gender, and anything you say about most men my age can be equally aimed at most women of the same vintage.

      I’m not missing out on a damn thing. I have plenty of dates, and not one of them looks like some aging daughter of Shamoo, nor do they have boring lifestyles. In short, I don’t “settle”. I don’t filter by age, either (something that’s ok for you women to do but not for men, right?). I date older women (as in 55-65); I just don’t date most of them. You probably don’t like that either, but that’s what most men do, and we don’t need any permission from you to do it either! Don’t like that, tough. I do not care.

  10. 190
    Steven Leak

    their are few if any 55 year old females who neither can  have nor want  children thus one reason i seek a younger mate.

  11. 191
    Anil N Heendeniya

    I’m enjoying the thread.  I would agree that using age as a primary filter is a bad idea.  Everyone is different, and we each have our own approach to health, wellness, and attitude.  There are certainly people who look old for their age, and those who don’t.  There’s a wide disparity between people in a given age group depending on their approach to healthy living, exercise, diet, intellectual pursuits, interests, etc.  In my business and social activities I know women ranging from their twenties to their sixties who are actively engaged in life and have a wide range of interests and activities that inform their personalities and therefore infuse their attractiveness.  And I know many more (unfortunately, a greater number) who are on the opposite track.  I would add that some of the most interesting and sexy women I know aren’t necessarily the most outwardly attractive, but they have that spark, that zest du vivre, that’s completely enthralling and engaging and make them wonderful to be around.  At the same time, I know women who are knockouts in attractiveness, but whose outlook on life is narrow, negative, and totally unpalatable.  I call them “energy vampires,” whose attitudes and negativity make me want to bail out of the nearest window.  I’ve been around long enough to know in less than a minute which type I’m in the presence of, and I give a wide berth the the negativists.  And I’ve been around a long time.  I’ll be sixty in less than two years, and that always shocks the people I know.  It’s because I focus on the good, and spend my time around positive people.  As Jim Rohn eloquently said, “We are the average–in attitudes, interests, success–of the five people we spend the most time with.”  I won’t waste my time on earth around negative people.

  12. 192

    This is all so silly. Just be yourself and find someone you like…laugh and have a good time. That makes you attractive at any age!

  13. 193

    In general your snarkiness about ageism is not making a fan of me…”news flash” and “40 year old men don’t want 50 year old women but the reverse is not true….AND?”

    We know already. My last younger man was in a “poly ” relationship which meant “total honesty” …turns out that meant with YOUNG women. For me, there were surprises. And when I suggested it was age that made him act less considerate, he was sooo offended…

    It’s a problem. It is because men are a more privileged class. Stop saying SO? when people are suffering with this syndrome. You are supposed to be helping. The men too lose what their true peers offer.  I’m out.  I do not see caring advice here. Maybe you will understand later in your life.

  14. 194

    I have lost all interest in dating and yes, as painful as this is to hear ladies, we have a short dating shelf life. If I have to lie about my age, then there’s no reason to put myself through that self inflicted rejection.

  15. 195

    I really think it boils down to how you’ve stacked up over the years. We all bake our own cake and the way you take care of yourself over the years has a cumulative affect on how other people see us physically. Genetics is a major player as well. Women, in my humble honest opinion, seem to fair the best at a younger age; they get more attention, dates, choices, numbers,  than the average guy. They also look their prettiest as well. Men are different.  Men, through various studies, tend to age better overall; however, there are men who lay up fart on the couch and go for younger girls on the internet or anywhere they have an opportunity. Men and women both can become invisible to their respective genders once they let themselves go. I don’t see many women in their mid to late forties that turn me head, and its rare you will find an attractive woman 50+ that still has the “it” factor. Bothe genders have delusional issues as they get older. But, age can just be a number if you’ve taken care of yourself thru the years. I mean look at a good example Christie Brinkley. She’s a good role model for older gals  but she’s in a league of her own. Not many Clooney’s around either. Compare a 60 yr old  woman/man who wakes up in the morning and says “maybe I need to start using sunscreen” to another the same age that has been using sunscreen all their life. Its like a mom/daughter comparison. It boils down to how you take care of yourself over time. male/female

  16. 196

    the men hate older women because they showed all who they are..loving TIGHT TRADITIONS..

    they turn the women to whores as excuse to go for TIGHT TRADITIONS. SICKOS


  17. 197
    Yet Another Guy

    I know that this blog entry is old, but I wanted to share results from experiments that I ran on a couple of dating sites.  While women tend to pride themselves on not suffering from age bias, my results paint a different picture.  My curiously was piqued when I noticed that interest in my profile from women in their early to mid-fifties dropped significantly with when I turned fifty-six.  Like fifty is for a large proper subset of men when searching on a dating site, fifty-five is apparently a hard upper age bound for a very large proper subset of women.  There is just something about dating a man older than age fifty-five around which most women younger than fifty-five cannot wrap their heads.  It is clearly psychological in nature.

    To see if women were as affected by age as men, I decided to run a couple of experiments where everything on my profile remained the same except my age.   If I kept my profile the same, but reduced my age by one year, it was like I had written a completely different profile and posted hotter photos.  However, what I found to be astonishing was that if I reduced my age by six years, it was like the floodgates had opened.  Not only was my profile generating even more interest from women in my target age group, it was generating interest from women significantly younger than my target age group.  I am talking about women twenty years my junior, which was completely unexpected.  Another thing that I discovered is that women over age fifty have a strong desire to date a man five or more years their junior.  I routinely had women in their early to mid-sixties hitting on me when I had my chronological age listed on my profile.  That trend continued and included women in their mid-to-late fifties when I reduced my age to fifty. Granted, my sample is small, but it does demonstrate that women do in fact suffer from age bias just like men.

    In the end, what I learned is that age fifty is an unbelievably sweet spot for a man who is taller than average, reasonably attractive, well educated, and physically fit.  Women in their mid-thirties want to date him, as do women in their mid-sixties.  It is incredible how different six years of age made in my results, and the difference was completely psychological.   It also solidifies my belief that the attribute-driven nature of online dating kills men who are not taller, better educated, more, and successful than the average man.   Women who are on online dating sites tend to behave as if they are catalog shopping when it comes to finding a mate, and age is definitely a hard attribute.  All a woman needs to do is be attractive, not overweight, and post good photos.  I thank my lucky stars that I was born taller and more attractive than they average guy and that I was wise enough to pursue an education beyond college; however, I cannot do anything about my age.  I will be honest in stating that it was difficult to return to my chronological age after enjoying the visibility that I enjoyed as my pseudo-younger self, but I believe that honesty is the best policy.   If a man or a woman is willing to lie about something as trivial as his/her age, he/she will lie about/withhold things that he/she believes are more important.

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