I am single, early 50’s and live in a small town. I have been friends with a man whose marriage has been unraveling for some time, and his wife recently moved out. Divorce proceedings have begun. His wife is questioning her own sexuality and thinks she may be bisexual (this is her third failed marriage.) He is (was?) rumoured to be having a sexual relationship with an older married woman in town. (Sound like Peyton Place yet?) I never ask, but he denies the affair, insists they are just friends & the rumour was started by his wife’s new lesbian friend, who is quite a gossip. At town functions, he sometimes hangs out with the older woman and her husband and kids like nothing is going on.
Our “friendship” has clearly changed and there is a great deal of flirting, texting, dropping by, spending more time together, and I am becoming interested in him… We have a lot of laughs and get along well. He asked me to dinner & I made a lame excuse, he told me to tell him when I am ready…something tells me I am entering a hornet’s nest and something else tells me if I don’t go for it, I will lose my window of opportunity & someone else will snatch him up and I will be kicking myself. What to do? Thank you.
Thank you for asking such an important question. However, without more information about your “friend,” it becomes next to impossible to give you a solid answer. You tell me he’s a player, but all I know is that he’s been married for years and is rumored to be having an affair. That’s not much to go on, and it’s certainly not my place to tag him a player based on conjecture and the small-town rumor mill.
So, because I don’t know anything about him, I’m going to use your email as a leaping-off point to talk about actual “players.” In fact, this week, I wrote a newsletter about this very topic (and if you’re not on my free newsletter list, you’re missing out – my most thoughtful material – plus discounts on my products – are reserved for my newsletter).
Anyway, in that email, entitled “You Don’t Want Him Anyway,” I told the story of a client named Alice, who recently fell for a player and had her heart broken.
With players – the end result is always so predictable that, frankly, it’s a bit of a cliché.
He was cute, charismatic, on the rebound, and interested – until he immediately pulled away from Alice after they slept together. In fact, the only thing different between you and Alice, Anne, is that you haven’t slept with your friend yet.
And that’s the sad thing about women who are attracted to players – the end result is always so predictable that, frankly, it’s a bit of a cliché.