The Downside to Being Beautiful


You may have heard of Samantha Brick by now. Her article for the Daily Mail about how women hate her for her beauty has gone viral.

Brick, 41, explains that she’s been given free drinks her whole life because she’s hot.

The downside? Not one girlfriend has ever asked her to be a bridesmaid. Envious bosses have forced her out of jobs. Friendships are nearly impossible to maintain.

Therapist Marisa Peer, author of self-help guide Ultimate Confidence, says that women have always measured themselves against each other by their looks rather than achievements.

“It’s hard when everyone resents you for your looks,” says Brick. Men think “what’s the point, she’s out of my league” and don’t ask you out. And women don’t want to hang out with someone more attractive than they are…I find that older women are the most hostile to beautiful women – perhaps because they feel their own bloom fading.”

At the end of the article, she confesses that, at 41, she’s one of the few women “welcoming the decline of my looks.” She writes “I can’t wait for the wrinkles and the grey hair that will help me blend into the background.”

We can certainly debate as to whether Ms. Brick is attractive enough to warrant this conversation. The real question, however, is why the claws have come out with such glee, trying to tear her down. I think it’s a few things.

First of all, we don’t like anyone who brags about herself, even if there’s cause for bragging.

Second, we don’t like anyone who brags about herself without proper cause.

Third, we don’t like anyone who seems too happy or self-satisfied – as she claims to be in her marriage to an older man in the French countryside.

Fourth, there’s always a bit of schadenfreude in the world. We root against the guy who went to Harvard in the movie. We like to see poor lottery winners, not rich ones. We want to take down whomever’s in power – Microsoft, the government, our boss – just so they get their comeuppance.

Finally, I think that people are jealous and lashing out anonymously on the Internet is the best way to vent.

Did Samantha Brick come off as a little smug and clueless for someone who is marginally attractive? Absolutely.

But I don’t think she was lying. I just think that people didn’t want to concede that she was telling the truth.

Read the article and see multiple photos of Ms. Brick here. And click here to read my article on the woes of attractive women called “Pity the Pretty” here.

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  1. 121

    I just stumbled into this post and remember the article. Maybe at some point she was the catch, but not having girlfriends is mostly a character thing. However, I do relate to her story because most of my childhood and young adult life I was the chubby, ugly girl. At 27 that changed like a miracle, but felt uneasy by the overwhelming attention and girls didn’t welcome me anymore. I went from being a cool “dude” to a vixen. All people saw in me was sexual tension. I gained weight again to fit in, but as far as women friends go, I try twice as hard to win their friendship. I don’t just sit back and blame it on my Looks. The horrible part of it is that I can’t find someone who wants me for me. Being attractive is cool, but feels like a curse. I’m a month from being 34 and i still haven’t found someone since I was 25.  

    1. 121.1

      Don’t over-think it too much Jesse. You really are doing that you know. Here, let me show you. You just turned 34, and I’m 50. Care to date me? Maybe get married? Yeah probably not, right? Why? Because likely, you are one of those girls who have an age that is less then my age as your cutoff, right? OK, no big deal. I win some I lose some, but here’s the key…yeah it’s hard to believe but in person I;m a pretty decent guy, and very sweet to the woman I’m with. But that’s not enough, right? It’s not about just one thing, though one thing can be a deal breaker. There’s that old checklist and I didn’t make it to the semifinals. I got cut. Disqualified. OK, so when you find a guy that is the right age, is that all you want him for…all you like about him? No, of course not. Would you want him for who he is if he has enough thins going for him? Of course you would.

      OK, so stop over thinking it and likely running off guys that would make a great mate. If he is sticking around for a long time, it’s not just the sex, or your looks. Oh, just like the guy with the appropriate age, you made the cut, you got in the door, but that’s all your looks do. If you personality sucks, he won’t stick around for long. Also, don’t beat the guy up for not being a girl. Like when you always want to come home and spend an hour talking about who said what and who did what, and who’s a B____, and who made you mad, etc… Sorry, for guys that’s like making you listen to baseball stats. We can take it in small doses, but give us the cliff notes version. Work on your 2 minute drill. Our mind will start to wander a bit. And besides, the minute you find a guy that can actually listen t all of that, you’ll friend-zone him anyway. So allow him to love you for what he loves about you, and let him be him. If you are a good looking woman and you assume every man who is with you is only with you for your looks, you’ll never have anyone, because it is certain that if he is with you, he likes you looks, and wants to feel free to express that fact, and enjoy those looks.

  2. 122

    A women doesn’t have to be astoundingly beautiful in order to find herself hated and envied by women and sexually frustrated men.   She need only be above the average. and that is plenty enough to fire off the inferiority complex of almost all average looking females.   Considering that the average female, on a scale of 1 to 10, is only a 3 or 4 at best, its no wonder that as a 6 or 7 Samantha Brick finds herself the frequent recipient of the   cold shoulder from females.   

    In general, as a woman who grew up with many females around and worked in female dominated workplaces my entire adult life, I recommend that society takes with a grain of salt any claim a woman makes that she is not jealous of a female who has above average looks. I’ve seen a lot of otherwise unexplained female hostility directed at good looking women of ALL personality types (meek, quiet, loud, funny, boring, etc) and the hostile females pretty much always claim some untrue flaw in the pretty females is the reason for the hostility.   NEVER do jealous females admit to being jealous.   I’ve seen it over and over and over again.   The personalities of the pretty females are variable, but the fixed elements you’ll find in almost all cat fights involving a good looking woman are:   1.   the one being harassed is the female who has the pretty face and 2.   the harasser is the female who is only average or flat out ugly.   Count on it, bet on it.   Its THAT predictable.

    Less attractive females will accuse a good looking woman of many false accusations.   If she’s quiet, she’s a snob with a superiority complex or she’s crazy or stupid.   If she’s extroverted, she’s a flirt trying to get attention from all the men in her radius.   A good looking women is simply not allowed to exist with the label of “normal.”   Something must be “wrong” with her or else the jealous females know they’re jealousy will be obvious to all. So they makeup something “wrong” with her.   In Samantha Bricks’ case, for instance, even though she said she was no model, jealous people   MADE her “wrong” by claiming that she was arrogant, conceited, stupid, snobbish, flirty.   Of course.   See?   Clockwork.   Count on it every time.   A beautiful woman cannot just be or tell the truth.   She is always a liar or “wrong.”   And yes, Samantha Brick is pretty and was probably a real looker in her youth.   To that end, I’m pretty sure SHE CAN be considered an authority on what it’s like to live in the skin of a beautiful woman.   The many hags who spewed venom toward her-   I’m sure you have no basis on which to stand in making a claim that good looking women have it so good and shouldn’t complain.   After all, how would you hags really know?

    I myself am about a 5 or 6 and women just avoid me like the plague or take measures to hurt me even if it means risking their own image.   And I will attest that yes, the older I get and less appealing I look, women are absolutely less hostile to me than they used to be.   Absolutely.   As I get older and less attractive, I notice a heck of a lot less nonsense accusations against my character.   Fewer stares and evil eyes from women as well.   Its rather liberating actually.   I can now gauge how bad I look or good I look on any given day based how much female attention my appearance commands.   And speaking of female attention, throughout my life I’ve found that its actually females who tend to leer at me way more than the males.   I don’t know what they find so fascinating about my appearance, but average looking and ugly females tend to practice some ritual of keeping just enough distance from me so that they needn’t be within casual conversation distance, but just close enough so that they can stare, analyze, and give me the evil eye.   They are worse, FAR WORSE, than horny guys when it comes to leering.

  3. 123

    Maybe it’s my faith, knowing that God has no tolerance for envy and jealousy, but I can honestly say I do not begrudge beautiful women their beauty.   I have a handful of them I know, some better than others, and especially if they post on FB, I compliment them.   I don’t feel the least bit threatened by them and by no means consider myself anything special.   My compliments to them are sincere and genuine. Now, these women of whom I speak are also beautiful of character and heart.   I would not rate myself above a 4.   I believe my daughter is a beautiful girl, but I also caution her that unless she is beautiful inside, the outer beauty is meaningless.   And I guess for me, in some ways it’s freeing to be on the low end of the scale. I don’have to live up to anything.   I tend to like fading into the background. 😉

  4. 124
    Jen Munro

    OK, I’ll come straight out and say it – I know exactly what Ms Brick is talking about.   Dare I say it, I was pretty attractive when I was younger (not any more as I’m nearly 50) which was no credit to me, I resembled my mum who was known as  a beauty in her day as well – and I reckon it was a curse more than anything else.   People automatically assume you are either a bitch or stupid – I’ve lost count of the number of times people told me in surprised tones “But you’re actually quite nice!” once they actually spoke to me, or the number of times I was told at university that “But you don’t look like an engineering student!”   (I used to retort with “So what does an engineering student look like then?”)   As a teenager,  I wore a white cotton blouse and knee length black skirt and  was told my by supervisor at my Saturday job at the local supermarket that if I  wore “that outfit” to work again I’d be sacked, despite the fact that it was not revealing, see through or tight fitting.   My dad was furious to hear this, stormed in and demanded to see the manager and asked precisely what was so offensive about a white blouse and black knee length skirt? The response was “it’s just the way she looks when she wears it” which I took to mean, that because the outfit was perceived as flattering, I was somehow some sort of distraction or some sort of floozy?   What the . . . ?

  5. 125
    Roberto E Fiad

    I once came across a Cosmopolitan special issue magazine on the world’s best advice. One noteworthy quote I recall from a comedienne was that to be rejected was to be pushed over onto the right path for the rejected. I know   that it sounds like a platitude from pastor Joel Osteen but it does make sense if you have the good fortune of being a long term thinker.

  6. 126

    I was never considered attractive during most of my childhood. I was the overweight kid with glasses whom other children mocked and took delight in abusing verbally. I had only a handful of friends, and was easily the most invisible individual in a given setting. Boys never paid much attention to me, and I wasn’t cool enough to hang out with the pretty and outgoing girls. From an early age I was deemed a nerd, the dork who played the piano, the kid who played a loner sport like tennis, and the one who was too polite to ever be a part of the “in” crowd. Now, that isn’t to say that I’m an introvert. I have always been closer towards the shy end of the spectrum, but once I get used to my surroundings I open up and usually make others laugh. By the time I entered middle school, the bullying became more prominent, but this time I was shielded by my group of pretty friends. None of us were among the “populars”, so to speak, but no one could deny my friends’ beauty. They were bright, athletic, and one of them was a talented singer. I was clearly the duff, even though that term wasn’t coined until very recently. To compensate for my lack of physical attractiveness, I tried excelling in other areas. I took the most advanced classes, medalled in national music competitions, and even won athletic tournaments. But I wasn’t pretty like my friends. I would have given anything to be pretty like them.  

    I switched schools upon entering ninth grade. Things started to visibly change… literally. I grew into my facial features: the defined cheek bones, dark eyebrows, and sharp jawline. My body, which fluctuated from chubby to extremely skinny (my metabolism spiked in middle school), evened out into a more womanly and athletic figure. After a slew of unfortunate hair cuts, my mom finally agreed to switch to a new hair dresser who settled on a flattering style of natural layers. People began to stare. Mens’ reactions were especially noticeable since I had never received any form of male attention prior. My peers were suddenly amazed at my achievements. Was it true that I was actually nice, accomplished, smart, athletic, and beautiful? Many boys began developing crushes on me and even went out of their way to try and help me whenever possible. The chips began to falling in place. My life could finally be perfect. Or so I thought.  

    Because the truth is that there will always be people trying to knock you down, regardless of your physical attractiveness. People always want to feel superior to their peers. If you’re the life of the party, the most charismatic and kind person who happens to  also  possess leadership qualities, that’s fine. Because if you’re not conventionally attractive, people of your own gender won’t feel as threatened. In fact, they may even feel secure enough with themselves to love you for all the inherently beautiful qualities that make you you. On the flip side, if you are very conventionally attractive (emphasis on conventionally) a large portion of individuals will assume that you lack quite a few brain cells and won’t take you as seriously. I remember, the year after my fifteenth birthday was the first time people hadn’t initially thought I was intelligent.  Another common practice is to actively search for a personality fault of an attractive person to justify his or her inferiority. Onlookers also assume that attractive beings  are pricks if they don’t smile enough or if they are  shy. I have experienced many situations where other females have treated me coldly upon first encounter. Later, after we had become more acquainted, they confessed to being taken aback. After all, how is it that an attractive person can by timid when the world is eager to talk to them? Is shyness in a physically beautiful person even possible?

    If you haven’t noticed, I became quite vain and self-absorbed. It makes sense, given that I had been ignored most of my life and suddenly I was worthy enough to have  “pretty people problems”. But as I grew older, do you know what I realized? Who the fuck cares what you look like? Even though the idea of being beautiful seems like one of the most important criteria for attaining the perfect female image when you’re a teen, your peers will learn how to see through the facade within minutes. After navigating through the halo effect, people will walk away if you don’t have substance of character and personality. And honestly who cares that you have nice cheek bones? What have you done that has beneficially or will eventually benefit society? How have you managed the opportunities you were given or  lack thereof? How have you been a good friend, daughter, son, grandchild, sibling, or parent? How do you personally define yourself?

  7. 127

    I’m not going to say anything snarky about her not being attractive. She’s cute enough that her experiences are feasible, but what a demented thing to write about!

    I would not be intimidated by her, but maybe she’s not very photogenic or something. Also, single women usually want other attractive females for friends because as a group you get more attention. When I go out with my overweight friends, I don’t look better by comparison or anything. It’s my experience that in these situations, I’m written off more often than not. So her logic does not reflect reality.

  8. 128

       she is cute, but her way of describing things may be men who like blondes, or sense a woman with confidence which is sexually attractive. I don’t know what English beauty standards are, but for her, she is the object of jealousy, because she’s considered like a model in her country. before you dismiss me as an ugly looking woman, or average, i’m actually modestly attractive, resembling Kendal jenner or Jessica biel. I just think people’s lives are different based where they live.

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