(Video) The Best Dating Advice For Women: Don’t Do Anything


In September, I did a speaking engagement and discussed some of my favorite dating coach topics   – chemistry, compatibility, online dating, overcoming rejection, understanding the opposite sex, etc.

This clip is taken from the Q&A portion of the evening. Naturally, I hijack the question and say a whole bunch of things that I really wanted to say during my main speech.

Oh, and yes, that IS the way my hair looks now. The wife likes it long and curly, so I keep it long and curly. Enjoy.

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  1. 21

    Girls really do have it easy, don’t they? … Huh, maybe I should try thinking of it from the girls perspective more often.
    But what if the guy doesn’t do that. What if he wants to, but he’s afraid of rejection? That’s why a lot of guys don’t do things in the first place, among other reasons.

  2. 22

    #21- you really a rock star? I’ll give you my number. LOL LOL

  3. 23

    Well said, BTW #18!! The Rules are really about weeding out the BS.

    For example, if a guy you like calls you to ask you out last minute and you’re not available and say, “would love to but I have plans…perhaps another time? this weeked?” If he really respects you he’ll make another date according to your schedule. If he’s like, oh well, fine lady you’ve missed your chance (or mistakenly takes this as a rejection), it’s a red flag, no matter how cute/smart/cool he is.

    And Roxstar #21, I’ve heard this before from lots of guys. I’m sorry, but if you’re too afraid to take the risk you’re not ready for a relationship. The woman is rarely going to take the initiative. I can’t tell you how fraustrating it is to spend time talking to a great guy at a party only for him to NOT ask me for my number, or, if he does, not ask me out. Even if I give signals and tell him how much I’ve enjoyed talking to him, etc.

    Just because the last gal rejected you doesn’t mean the next one will. These are the same guys who complain they can’t find a decent girl, they’re all married or psychos.

  4. 24

    Well, it is still agonizing waiting to hear from a guy. Even though, I know what Evan says is true: to let the guy get in touch with you. All you have to do is be receptive and let him know you’re interested. I feel like it doesn’t make the process any less agonizing. I mean, if you ladies are like me, I get pretty excited about seeing a new guy. (They would never know this though.) It’s still depressing to go through the process of waiting to hear from a new guy or hear from him and get the whole “it’s not you, it’s me” speech. That seems to be a popular let down phrase. As if I couldn’t possibly bare to handle whatever reason it is that they have. I think I would actually feel better if I heard some honest feedback like, “I just feel as though we didn’t connect like I thought we were going to… “, “I’m looking for someone that I have more in common with…” or something along those lines. I know that when it becomes my decision, I have the testicular fortitude(even though I’m not a man, haha.) to tell someone the truth in a polite way. I have to say, men can be quite ODD(for lack of a better description, or out of respect for that matter) when it comes to dating. They’re afraid to ask women out, afraid of rejection, can’t be honest about why things didn’t work. Hey, no one’s really asking, but be honest is all I’m saying. Sorry for the tangent, but what can I say? It happens. I do agree with Evan’s advice though. It worked for me! 😀

  5. 25

    MMIOS #24, I agree. But sometimes people aren’t forthcoming with why and you just have to move on.
    I try to be forthcoming. Dated a guy once – went out on couple of dates, nice guy but I just wasn’t feeling it. So rather than not return his calls I told him honestly. He then followed up with me the next day to inquire further, I told him again, it was nothing he did/said, just didn’t want to string him along. He then went crazy on me, accusing me of nasty things.
    Granted, this is an isolated incident. I really didn’t know the guy this well, but it goes to show that sometimes you just have to accept things and move on.

  6. 26

    Sometimes it’s hard to wrap around the idea that all women need to do is be themselves and do nothing. The best way, really, is to find something that we really love doing, meet interesting people and just enjoy life. Positivity attracts positive vibes. So, if we’re happy, we attract what is beautiful and happy.
    So, enjoy!

  7. 27

    downtown gal #25- yea I guess sometimes it’s better to leave it alone. It’s just too bad it has to be that way most of the time. I’m sorry that happened. That sounds pretty scary.

  8. 28

    MOSpce #27, yeah, but what can you do. Most of the time the guys appreciate my being forthcoming, even if it’s not what they want to hear – I treat them the same way I’d like to be treated. This was just one zinger.

    was too bad, b/c all along I was thinking of a friend who would have been a better match for him than I, but based on his response he blew it.

  9. 29

    I couldnt agree more with Evan, when a guy wants you he will do anything and everything to be with you, he will even endure you rejecting him a few times.
    I am from the old school of thought and believe that a guy should make the move, when a woman is doing the chasing it can be a turn off for most guys as guys are hunters and chasers by nature.
    So if he isnt hunting and chasing then maybe he isnt that interested.

  10. 30


    I’m in a new relationship right now (we’re going on 4 months) he is a GREAT guy, I want to keep him. But as much as our relationship has progressed (we are exclusive/dating….not quite bf/gf) the lack of communication from his end drives me crazy! I know this has more to do with me than him (my insecurity that if he doesn’t text me once a day he’s through with me) but still….it drives me nuts. I want more. That said….I’m so not ready to give such a good man up! I guess i’ll try keeping me feet in the sand….

  11. 31

    TS #30, what’s the difference btw dating exclusively and “not quite bf/gf”?

    Also, how often does he call/email/txt you?

    Honestly I don’t think it’s you – if a guy is into you he should be contacting you regularly, and if something is missing you have every right to want more. That is, assuming you’re not expecting him to txt you EVERY minute of the day. And if you’re not getting it from him you should keep youself open to meeting new people.

  12. 32
    Jimmy Nickel

    As a guy dating around in the big city, I think this is brilliant advice. All women should watch the clip twice.
    Just remember, many singles guys will go after a woman who presents herself as an easy opportunity for sex. This condition can co-exist independently with the possibility that the guy really doesn’t even like the girl as a person! This is a concept hard for most women to internalize.
    So remember ladies, DISCIPLINE. Do nothing. Don’t play hard to get and don’t play easy to get and you’ll know where he stands always.

  13. 33

    He doesn’t refer to me as his “girlfriend” to others when we are out in public, he just says my first name. But yeah – basically we get along fine when we are together, but when we aren’t I hardly hear from him. After 4 months I would expect a daily/nightly phone call or a text during the day saying “hows it going?”

    Also – my big problem with this “do nothing” advice is 1) it drives me crazy and 2) a few guy friends have told me “guys are mind readers, if you want something more, you have to tell him”
    How does that advice get reconciled with the do nothing advice, and taking whatever you can get?

  14. 34

    TS#33, one of Evan’s previous columns advised women that if you dont’ like how you’re being trated, then leave. In other words, guys respond to actions rather than words. True, this guy you’re dating doesn’t think there’s anything wrong because you’re still getting together with him – you’re responding positively to his actions so he takes this as an affirmation.

    Try this – text time when he contacts you to go out, don’t respond. This will force him to understand how he’s treating you (because you’re doing the same to him), and I’ll bet he’ll be calling you all the time asking what’s up. At that point you can tell him.

    You can try discussing this with him (be positive; for example, say, “I love hearing your voice even when you’re not beside me” rather than say “we have to talk”) and see how that goes. Problem is, many guys either take this as criticism or will listen/nod and still not change…in other words, it likely won’t be as effective.

    I hate game playing and always took the direct approach, but I found it got me nowhere. In my experience, if a guy is into you, he’ll WANT to contact you regularly. Don’t waste your time w someone who’s not giving you what you want.

  15. 35

    Thanks Downtowngal. he actually called me last night after a logn day of meetings and then I saw him today. So I took the opportunity to say – “Babe you know how you called me last night after all your meetings, I would really like if the days we dont make plans to meet up that we talk at the end of the day…” I think it went over well! Hope that wasn’t too pushy….I’ll def have to wait a while to bring anything else serious with him. PLUS – i have his Christmas gift to smooth things over!

  16. 36

    haha Sorry if that wasn’t clear. My bringing up the phone call was meant to say – “I appreciated that. Can we do that more?”

  17. 37
    Deanna McNeil

    I loved this video, your advice and your hair. Thanks for being you Evan Marc Katz 🙂

  18. 38

    You can make the initial contact but after that it’s on the guy. Also, the key is not to wait! Go on with your life. DO NOT want a realtionship with a guy that does not want you. Part of the attraction should be that he wants you and treats you well.

  19. 39

    That was the best advice that I received. Thank you!!!

  20. 40

    Hi Evan,
    I accidentally stumbled across your website – and can I just say you really are on the money.
    Now I am hooked. Brilliant.
    And i pass on to my girlfriends…any chance of coming to Australia?

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