(Video) The Best Dating Advice For Women: Don’t Do Anything


In September, I did a speaking engagement and discussed some of my favorite dating coach topics   – chemistry, compatibility, online dating, overcoming rejection, understanding the opposite sex, etc.

This clip is taken from the Q&A portion of the evening. Naturally, I hijack the question and say a whole bunch of things that I really wanted to say during my main speech.

Oh, and yes, that IS the way my hair looks now. The wife likes it long and curly, so I keep it long and curly. Enjoy.

Join our conversation (46 Comments).
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  1. 41

    i’ll probably leave the first negative comment ever on this and i hope i get some responses to it. Evan Katz in my honest opinion you’re advice is bs, women don’t have to do anything? so men do all the work in the relationship that is what you are saying. Girls just have to say yes?! wow what a frekin privelage it is to be a girl i sure as hell would not mind being one. 95% of men are “the wrong men” what the hell is that bs?! women are just as wrong as men as men are for women why can’t we human beings just be equal? So basically women are superior to men until marriage pretty much right and maybe even then women especially nowadays think they are better. correct me if i’m wrong but basically evan katz’s implied message in my opinon is “women are superior, and they shouldn’t have to put effort into a relationship” yup women must be so hard to just say yes right?

  2. 42

    TOTALLY WRONG strategy, if woman doesn’t show her interes i am on my way, Thank you and goodbye. Tons of guys think the same.

  3. 43

    I feel like an except to the receptive state may be with non-alpha males. That said, my personal experience is that my very beta-type boyfriend, when he met me, was suddenly able to have the courage to make several moves towards me (which I of course, needed to reciprocate or he wouldn’t have had the confidence to continue in that direction), including being the first one to touch me, to kiss me, to share his feelings with me. But, he’s also expressed great joy in my -action- towards him…asking him out, responding to his advances, being the one to ask for a definition in the relationship, etc. I don’t think all guys *expect* to take the lead in everything, not anymore. In the interests of equality, I feel like it’s generally as much my job to take a very active role in relationship finding and building, as it is his…and the active/receptive roles being based on gender makes less sense than basing it on personality!

  4. 44

    I’m with your wife on the hair.

  5. 45

    Hi Evan,

    I’ve just read through this column and watched your video and felt compelled to write this.

    I don’t agree with you your advice ( although I have read many of your other blogs which have rang true).

    there is absolutely nothing wrong with initiating contact with a man, reaching out to him or asking where is this relationship going! In this day and age where as females we are just as empowered as men I feel that this should be the way forward ( moving away from the alpha male who does all the chasing while the submissive female waits around). There is nothing empowering about that or liberating and more importantly by doing so you are only hurting herself. Now im not   saying that you should hound someone relentlessly with texts calls or constant demands,   but if you are thinking about someone let them know,ask them out, clarify the relationship …men are human too with the same doubts and insecurities as women.

    As Brene Brown said vulnerability is the key to living an authentic life and by hiding away from our own wishes and desires because we’re trying to play it cool or play by the dating rules.. in the end you only lose. If you don’t reach out to him- yes you will eventually know if he cares or not. If you do reach out to him you will again know if he cares or not and it would have taken half the time,been much less painful but more importantly you would have shown him and yourself that you are   worth more than just being someone who waits around.


    1. 45.1


      I don’t think this advice is wrong at all. I think I am interpreting it a little differently that you are.

      “there is absolutely nothing wrong with initiating contact with a man, reaching out to him or asking where is this relationship going!”

      Most women don’t initiate. That’s just a fact. The advice is supposed to be general and applicable to “most” women.

      “In this day and age where as females we are just as empowered as men I feel that this should be the way forward ( moving away from the alpha male who does all the chasing while the submissive female waits around).”

      Again, general and most. Also, there are woman out there that like to pick and choose when they want to feel “empowered” I’ve dated several strong willed and empowered women that had their own shit and “didn’t need a man for anything”, yet they weren’t willing to pay for my portion of the date (because who needs traditional gender roles right?), nor did they make an attempt or express desire to split the check 50/50. They were perfectly happy to not be empowered women at that moment in time. Most women don’t want to be empowered in the initial stages of dating (by that I mean the terms you describe – alphas and submissives). They wanted to be traditional – at least for the “good” bits that go along with that. Approached, pursued, and courted. If that ever changes, I’ll be the first guy to let women start planning the dates taking me out for dinner and drinks on their dime. I won’t hold my breath. I’ve been asked out initially by a few women in my life, but I still had to pay for those dates. Once a woman told me at the beginning of our date that she wasn’t “feeling the sparks” but we could still have dinner as friends since we were at the restaurant and all. And when that bill came, she still expected me to pay. She was less than happy when I refused.

      I don’t think that Evan literally means do nothing. Obviously a woman needs to express interest in the man somehow. That somehow isn’t to repeatedly call or try to plan dates (at least in the beginning of the relationship). It is generally effective to just be available and express interest on the dates, phone conversations, etc. An example might consist of letting him kiss you after the date, rather than pulling away. I take the “doing nothing” to mean something along the lines of let them man show his interest, then accept is with an appropriate action. Not to initiate (or at least initiate too much – sometimes a nudge or two can be helpful) and not to run away and force him to chase as mentioned in the video.

      Those are good ways to find out if he cares (he calls, wants to see you, makes plans to see you). If he doesn’t, you will know right away if he is interested. Is he doing it = interested. Is he not doing it = not interested. Simple enough way to assess without too much overthinking. If you call and try to get him to do this things, you may just wind yourself up and wonder why is isn’t, especially if he is agreeing to meet you when you suggest. That has the potential to just be needlessly confusing. Why is he agreeing to see her if he isn’t interested. Is she being too pushy? Maybe that’s why he isn’t calling as much. Those things may or may not be true, but it doesn’t change the man not expressing his initial interest in a generally accepted way – by trying to see you.


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