(Video) The Reason You Attract Men Who Treat You Poorly

(Video) The Reason You Attract Men Who Treat You Poorly, ~Contact.FirstName~.
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At this point I hope you’ve had the chance to read the Love U Pyramid of Love.

Many of you wrote back to tell me how much those lessons resonated – and how painful it is to look back at all the crap you’ve put up with from men.

But there’s a big difference between realizing you’ve acted insecure in the past and understanding how to correct that behavior in the future.

That’s what I’m here for.

And what I love about my readers is that you are not shy about asking me to address what’s on your mind the most: how to identify good men and get rid of bad ones. Recent emails to me include:

  • How do you decipher the men that are looking for a real relationship vs. the ones looking for a one-night stand?
  • How can I be sure the man that comes on strong is a man is not a player and wants to build a relationship?
  • Why didn’t he felt connected with me since he showed signs of being in love?
  • What makes men commit to some women and not others?
  • How do you know when you’ve met the “right” guy?

Believe it or not, there are answers to all of these questions – and I’m going to share them shortly.

But I’ve gotta tell you: as a dating coach, I probably do the same thing that you do every day: observe common patterns and try to make sense of them.

Doctors do this. Lawyers do this. Finance people do this. Teachers do this. Dog trainers do this. We look for behavioral patterns and adjust to them.

Tell me if this pattern sounds familiar to you:

You fall for a guy based on chemistry and common interests.

He makes a great effort to charm you, seduce you, and win you over.

You get your hopes up.

You let down your guard.

You fall in love.

You later discover that he is selfish, abusive, critical, or unwilling to make a long-term commitment.

And while it seems obvious that you should let him go, you end up staying because it’s so rare for you to find such a unique and powerful connection with a man.

The longer you stay, the sadder you get, the more time you waste, and the more you convince yourself that it’s impossible to find true love.

The problem is that you don’t want to give up.

You don’t want to be alone for the rest of your life.

You want to live happily ever after.

You want to know the answer to one vital question that will determine your future:

“How can I attract better men and get the long-term relationship I deserve?”

As I said in the Love U Pyramid of Love, before we can talk about finding a husband, I think it’s valuable to walk through a few of the steps that come before marriage.

  •       Confidence
  •       Meeting Men
  •       Dating
  •       Understanding Men
  •       Relationships
  •       Commitment

That’s a lot of stuff – and you don’t have to figure it all out right away.

Today, in advance of my big Love U launch next week, I’m going to continue your free education with a video that answers 3 common dating questions centering on confidence:

How can I make a man feel needed without being “needy”?

Why don’t I ever meet any quality men?

Why do I always seem to attract unavailable guys who treat me poorly?

I’m especially excited to share the first tip about being needy. It points out what you’ve already observed in men:

If a guy is too aloof, it’s hard to feel emotionally connected to him.

If a guy is too needy, it makes you want to run away with him.

So the best way to create true intimacy – for both men and women – is by being VULNERABLE.

So the best way to create true intimacy – for both men and women – is by being VULNERABLE.

Click here to watch the video, and when you’re done, please share your biggest takeaways in the comments section below. Thanks a million.

By the way, you’ll notice there are 3 Relationship Tips that are visible but greyed out.

Patience, grasshopper.

Those will be revealed to you in a few days once you’ve had a chance to process these.

Warmest wishes and much love,

Your friend,

Evan

P.S. You want to know if this Love U stuff works? Ask Jules.

Evan, I want to thank you SO much for everything that you do. I really believe that it was a driving force behind me having the relationship that I’ve always wanted. I was divorced, never dated much before, and read your “Why He Disappeared” eBook in one sitting. It really changed things for me. I finally understood why that guy I went out with on 3 amazing dates never called me again, I finally understood why that guy I had been texting for over 1 month never asked me out. But here is my favorite part, I STOPPED GETTING UPSET ABOUT IT. Okay, I was a little hurt, but not like I was before, and I didn’t let it stop me or hold me back because I KNEW there was going to be another guy out there.

Also, I stopped trying to lead the relationship. I finally learned to let go, stop being SO invested in every single date and started to have fun with dating. I’m being honest when I say I had TONS of fun dating. I learned to focus on being playful, just having a great conversation with a man, and stopped appearing so desperate.

That’s when he found me. The love of my life. All it took was a few email exchanges on an online dating website, and before I met him I made a conscious choice to try to be myself; this meant I did not get super dolled up for our brunch date but went looking “cute” and friendly and open. He was not my type at all. He was the same culture and religion as me, which I told myself I would never do, and he was not my type physically at all. But this time was different. I decided to focus on how he made me feel and give it a chance. And let me tell you, he makes me feel like no other man has ever made me feel. Safe, wanted, loved, cared for, special, funny, desired. What I also realized is that when I am being completely and utterly myself (like the way I am with a best friend; nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to be fake about), he is even more crazy about me.

He always told me when we were first dating that he thought I was a “cool girl” and let me tell you, it took a while for me to get there!! I was a nervous girl, a not so confident-don’t know-what I’m doing-girl, but you gave me confidence, Evan. I knew that I should focus on the way he makes me feel and I should focus on making him feel good too (quizzing him on our 3rd date on whether he wants to ever get married would NOT make him feel good, so I didn’t do that, asking him why he didn’t call me one or two days out of the week when he called every other day was NOT going to make him feel good, so I didn’t do that either).

I also learned that it is OKAY for a woman to say what she wants or is important to her in a matter of fact way, and the guy can either take it or leave it. If the man cannot or does not want to provide that, it is up to the woman to decide if she still wants to be with him. After 2 years of dating. I dropped a “hint” and sent him a picture of a ring and told him should he ever consider it in the future, that was my style. A few months later he proposed with that exact same style of ring I sent him. We are getting married on a beach in about 2 weeks now, and I wanted to thank you again for all the work you do. It truly, really, makes a difference. It helped me become the woman I wanted to be (and always knew I could be) in a relationship; confident, open, giving and receiving.

THANK YOU EVAN!!!

-Jules

P.P.S. You’ll notice one of the video tips echoes the same advice as my Pyramid of Love. That’s intentional. Repetition of core ideas is essential for your learning and I really want you to get clear on one key concept: you don’t actually attract bad men!

Click here to get three priceless dating tips that will bring out your best when you meet men.

 

Join our conversation (447 Comments).
Click Here To Leave Your Comment Below.

Comments:

  1. 41
    No Name To Give

    No Name,

    The fact that Tron didn’t respond to my snark tells me you are correct.

    1. 41.1
      Noone45

      Oh he won’t admit to it. He’ll spew some bullshit, but here’s the sad fact: some dumb soul out there will try to commit with that guy one day. Or he’ll give up and commit with someone when he hits that age where he wants someone to take care of him. And some idiot will do it. If there were any justice in the world, we know what would happen, but we know justice doesn’t exist lol.

      See, I said once that many men want a comfortable situation rather than a relationship. YAG and Tron are the prime examples of that crap, but most men can’t articulate it as they do.

      And here I am 37, over the hill, single mother, yet I’m not anything these guys say. I’m not trying to snag some “beta” male (and yeah, that’s not a real thing 😐 ). I don’t even date anymore. My best friend recently had some idiot trying to get her to set me up with him, but he wanted her to persuade me to stop wearing wigs and wear more natural makeup. I have a thing for candy-colored hair, but my hair is naturally really dark and won’t ever get light enough to do pastels, so I wear wigs. I also love wild makeup. Goth is my preferred look when I’m not working. Needless to say, my bestie and I died laughing at the thought. I guess a lot of people around here would say I should compromise, but I spent most of my adult life doing that and it got me nowhere. I’m going to enjoy my life for once.

  2. 42
    No Name To Give

    *Nonone, that is to say.

  3. 43
    Tron Swanson

    Evan,

    Wait, where did I insult you? Saying that I don’t want your respect isn’t an insult. I’m simply stating that, in order to get it, I’d have to do things that would go against my own interests. That isn’t anything personal; it applies to mainstream society’s respect, as well. If I did the things that the world wants me to, they’d pat me on the back…but those things either wouldn’t help me, or would outright hurt me. It has everything to do with me and nothing to do with you.

    As for the rest…if you think that’s true, more power to you. I personally don’t, and I’m not seeing much in the way of “data,” either.

    NNTG,

    I have no idea how you got that from my comment, which is why I didn’t reply. I think that “success” is greatly overrated. If you’re enjoying your life, you’re winning, as far as I’m concerned. I think you’re making a common mistake: conflating a man’s strategic view of women with his belief about their value as human beings. All people have value…but my interest in people is very narrow, because I’m primarily interested in sex. As such, I have zero interest in men, and interest in only certain types of women. This also works in the opposite direction; most women write me off because I’m not ambitious, interested in monogamy, etc. I try not to take it personally. I suspect that I view you the same way that you view me: as someone who isn’t relevant at all, given our goals in life.

  4. 44
    Amanda

    Tron knows (on some level) that emotional labour exists. He firmly doesn’t want to do any and believes that it wouldn’t pay off for him if he did. We all know that feeling, but for many or most of us, it isn’t a chronic mindset. Emotional labour is the grease in a relationship. The wheels fall off if no-one is doing any (pardon my beloved mixed metaphors). It’s more sustainable if both people are doing some. Emotional labour doesn’t play much of a role in Tron’s life because he’s content as a one-man band.

    Tron and YAG are two of the most prominent outliers who contribute here, and because they do engage thoughtfully and they are lone voices, they’re useful. Their colour here puts me in mind of what I do when I visit a new town or stay in a new hotel. I go for a walk, I look around, I check out the boundaries, I lean over my balcony and people-watch. Then I return to my wherever, entertained and more aware of my surroundings. Sometimes I find a little something that I want to take home and keep. If nothing else, now I know where the fire-exits are and why there’s no place like home.

    I’ve been reading for ages but mostly people write my comments for me, especially with the Australian time-difference.

  5. 45
    Paula

    @noone45
    You hit it right on the head – and the funny thing is that I’m convinced men like YAG and Tron will never have respect for the women who do want to commit to them. It’s like the old Groucho Marx line about not wanting to be in a club who would have him as a member.

  6. 46
    Emily, to

    Tron,
    “I mean, I haven’t hooked up with any supermodels (yet!), but that’s only because I haven’t come across any.”
    Because no supermodels have thrown themselves at you. You claim to just want sex but you won’t even pursue that. Is the woman expected to not only corner you in a room but also do all the work there, too?

  7. 47
    Tron Swanson

    Amanda,

    I seriously don’t believe in emotional labor. Also, I’m generally against the “The people who disagree with me…well, on some level, they secretly agree with me” thing. People are truly diverse and different. No matter how much we think they should agree with us on certain things, there’s a good chance that they genuinely don’t. There are personality differences, culture differences, ideological differences, and on and on it goes.

    Paula and NNTG,

    Some “dumb souls” did indeed want me to commit to them–and I respected them, for the record–but these long-ago girlfriends wanted to get married, and I didn’t. So they left me. Paula brings up a very good point, though: on the rare occasions that a woman has been interested in this current version of myself, I’ve found myself wondering what’s wrong with her, because any remotely-attractive woman should be able to do better. There’s a surplus of thirst out there; any breathing-and-blinking woman should have men beating down her door. As it turns out, there’s usually a lot wrong with them, but I won’t go into that right now. And, NNTG, I applaud your “be yourself and don’t compromise” attitude. I tried compromising, as well, and it didn’t work for me, either. It’s better to be yourself and alone than sell yourself out just to avoid loneliness.

    Emily, to,

    I pursue sex when I think it’s worth the effort. If I saw a supermodel across the room, maybe my sexual work ethic would magically reappear. My problem is…now that I’m older, I no longer just see women in superficial terms. When I only thought about you guys in terms of hotness, I was willing to blunder in and try something. Now, I know that there will be drama attached, along with constant demands for effort and the like. The math no longer makes sense.

    1. 47.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      Not believing in emotional labor is like not believing in love. Just because you have no concept of it doesn’t mean it’s not real.

  8. 48
    Emily, to

    Tron,
    “Now, I know that there will be drama attached, along with constant demands for effort and the like. The math no longer makes sense.”
    Then pay for it. You’ll barely have to make conversation because even that seems too taxing for you. You can pick out the one you really want, she won’t turn you down, and then, as Charlie Sheen said, you give her money after your 10-minute session and she leaves. In all seriousness, the call girl who was having sex with Eliot Spitzer was smoking hot.

  9. 49
    Adrian

    Hi Emily,

    You said, “the call girl who was having sex with Eliot Spitzer was smoking hot.

    She is actually married now and she was reportedly getting paid $5,000 an hour. It always amazes me the things men will tolerate or do for really attractive woman. Not that I am looking down on prostitutes, it’s their life, but I just can’t imagine marrying someone that did that; and was famous for it.

    Do you think this is a human thing or a male thing? Like do you think a normal woman would marry an ex male prostitute or pay $5,000 an hour for a nice body and pretty face?

    And if it is just a male thing do you think it’s about sex or is it about validation?

  10. 50
    No Name To Give

    Tron,

    Even I, a non-dater who is here for the interesting exchange and cultural observation, must ask what you get from commenting here? Because I’m honestly passive-aggressively trying to get anyone to talk me into dating. I’m not here to bash men or women. I find it this blog both highly entertaining and educational. But you? I don’t know what your objective is. It’s seems like you just enjoy being a misanthrope.

  11. 51
    No Name To Give

    *Not trying, I meant to say.

  12. 52
    Yet Another Guy

    @Mike

    “YAG, you do bring up good points, but I often find myself thinking that you believe the women approach dating much as a really good-looking high-status male would. And that really isn’t the case.”

    No, what I am trying to convey is that both men and women resort to more primal mate selection behavior when dating online because socialization is removed from the picture. Online dating for men is truly a land of haves and have nots. Once again, what led me down the demographics, statistics, and evolutionary psychology path in the first place was that I could not reconcile my success when so many guys were complaining about the difficulty of obtaining a single date online. I could not believe that that was the case. I thought that guys were making up their lack of success. I went on over fifty dates while I was still separated. Yet, most separated men on dating sites are treated like they have the relationship equivalent of the plague. It was like the flood gates opened when I changed my status to “divorced” after receiving my decree. I had to resort to heavy screening to limit my dating expenses. I ran up a dating expense bill that totaled $8K during my first year of online dating. That was non-sustainable for me at the time because I was still writing a hefty child support check every month.

    You put forth the argument that meeting in-person levels the playing field. However, what it actually does is allow compensating attributes to be demonstrated. I have written several times that attributes such as confidence are not attraction qualifiers. In reality, women do not qualify men. Attributes disqualify men who meet at least a woman’s bare minimum level of attractiveness. For example, a really hot guy with a crappy personality and no confidence is unattractive (at least from a relationship material point of view) whereas a guy who meets a woman’s minimum threshold for attractiveness and has a good personality and confidence will get a second look. In reality, women are more inclined to settle on physical attraction when meeting a guy in person because they are, to use a Jeremyism, attempting to balance their arousal and comfort needs. A guy who is in the top 20% of men when it comes to physical attractiveness and who knows it is going to be high arousal/low comfort guy more often than not (these guys are the men who woman label “players” or “serial daters” on dating sites). A guy who in the 80% is going to be a lower to much lower arousal/higher to much higher comfort guy. A lot of women are looking for high arousal/high comfort men. Yet, these men are like unicorns. I am not saying that they do not exist. I am saying that they do not exist for all but the most attractive women. More often than not, a woman is going to have to sacrifice arousal for comfort. In fact, that is pretty much what dating coaches teach women to do.

  13. 53
    Sandra

    @ Adrian An?d if it is just a male thing do you think it’s about sex or is it about validation.

    Maybe they think an unusually hot-looking woman has sexual knowledge or skills that the average woman does not. More than likely, her skill comes from experience, not some inborn carnal aptitude.

  14. 54
    Emily, to

    Adrian,

    Like do you think a normal woman would marry an ex male prostitute or pay $5,000 an hour for a nice body and pretty face?

    Probably not, but I wouldn’t want to marry a male himbo, either. A decent amount of experience is fine but not someone who’s hooked up with most of the sorority house. Having no discretion is not sexy.

    And if it is just a male thing do you think it’s about sex or is it about validation?

    I guess it depends on what part of him needs to be validated. It’s like a much older man doing a “wink, wink, nudge nudge, look what I got” to his male peer group when he marries a much younger woman. Sure, it validates his ability as a provider if he has money but it can’t validate his attractiveness as a man. She’s not there because of that.

  15. 55
    Tron Swanson

    Evan,

    You’re absolutely right–belief and personal experience have nothing to do with existence. When it comes to thinking that something does or doesn’t exist, I could be wrong, you could be wrong, and anyone could be wrong. So it’s sort of a moot point. With something like this–a phenomenon that takes place within the human mind–it can’t be proven or disproven, so we can only use reason and logic to determine what we believe. That’s what led me to my conclusion. If you disagree, or think that my view isn’t logical, so be it.

    I’m gonna go a bit heteronormative, for a minute, so please bear with me. We live in a time when the genders don’t need each other for survival. And I think you’d agree that certain elements of both genders are becoming increasingly skeptical about what the other gender brings to the table. It’s easy to act like this is some fringe thing…but when I hear female politicians insulting men, or male politicians insulting women, and it’s clear that what they’re saying is popular within their constituencies…well, I think that we’re going to see more of this, and not less. So you wind up with a situation where the genders are feeling defensive about what role they have to play, and what they have to offer.

    I say all of that to say this: I think that both genders are trying to make themselves seem harder-working and more necessary than they actually are. As strange as this is going to sound, “emotional labor” reminds me of the patriarchal “importance of male influence” stuff found on the more fundamentalist marriage/religion-oriented sites, whether in the ‘sphere or outside of it. These men have the (ridiculous, IMHO) belief that women “need” men to tell them what to do, which is obviously a scare tactic meant to frighten self-sufficient women into getting into an unnecessary relationship. There are a lot of claims about “leadership” and “hardwired gender roles” and the like. The message is, “You may not think we’re doing a lot, but we totally are, even if it’s invisible/emotional stuff that we can’t prove.” I believe that the same could be said of “emotional labor.” Again, it supposedly proves how a gender is contributing more to relationships than it seems on the surface.

    Based on what I’ve seen online and heard from the men around me, the “Women deserve credit for taking care of their homes and raising the children that they insisted on having” argument is getting less convincing by the second, and I believe that this is the new unconsciously-adopted strategy meant to convince men that women bring a lot to relationships. I’ll admit that it isn’t a one-for-one comparison–men are saying that women need male influence in order to have safe and happy lives, whereas women are saying that men need women’s “emotional labor” for relationships, and not life as a whole. But both stem from the same principle: exaggerating a gender’s usefulness by introducing a utility that can’t be disproven. Men say that “male influence” is this quasi-magical thing that women need in their lives, and women say that “emotional labor” is the big job they’re doing in a relationship. Forget whether or not those things are real; are they even good? “labor” implies that something is being built or accomplished, and I’ve found that, the more emotion and thought that women pour into a relationship, the worse it gets, because they become obsessive and micro-managing. And “male influence” protecting women…to quote a famous TV show, who will protect this family from the man who protects this family?

    Men really do influence women, and women really do get emotionally wrapped up in relationships. But neither one is “labor”–some vital task that absolutely has to be performed, and that they should be able to take credit for. No, they’re just tendencies that have been built up into myths and idols, so a gender can make itself seem essential and important. Don’t believe the hype.

  16. 56
    Mike

    @YAG #52,

    Well,  but BOTH genders ultimately tend to go by their feelings i.e., “primal mate selection” AKA attraction Not just women. We do it too. We pick whom we decide to pursue based on our attraction and not just about “she seems like a good person”.

     

    Meanwhile, I do agree with you on one point that dating coaches are telling women to screen more on character and to screen somewhat less (but still screen some on attraction as it is important) on instant chemistry i.e., “give the good guys a chance”. I would guess that a big part of Evan’s advice as a dating coach for women is on helping them decide which guys they should accept a second date from. Whereas dating coaches for *men* focus almost exclusively on generating attraction in women, as we tend to feel attraction for the other gender far more predictably then women seem to. Strong enough attraction that we would be willing to act on anyway. Having women to feel that attraction back for him, is a challenge for many many guys.

     

    With that said though, it reads to me that you are misrepresenting how women (maybe people in general but this post is about women so I will stick with discussing them here) feel attraction in person. It is actually *more* primal in person than it is online, where online she can screen in and out on the “logical” things she thinks she would want in a partner–income, looks, education, good grammar. In person it is a lot more about chemistry, which has little to do with looks or income. And if she isn’t feeling that attraction you could have all this other stuff going for you, but it still is not going to happen. Meanwhile regarding your “minimum threshold”…have you ever heard of a woman in love with a man who seemingly has nothing going for him?

     

     

     

  17. 57
    Jeremy

    Tron, you are conflating so many things.  Women aren’t saying that men need them to be doing emotional labour, they’re saying they ARE doing it.  They aren’t imagining what they’re doing, aren’t telling men what men “should” need.  They are simply doing it.  They are exhausted by doing it.  Most would rather not be doing it, but the results of having done it are important enough to them to make the effort.

     

    My wife’s head is jammed full of schedules – which child is doing what when, who will take them, who will pick them up, where will they go, what do they need?  If she didn’t keep track of all these things, shit would not get done in my household, and my children would grow up as I did – dirty (because no one laundered their clothes or bathed them), socially isolated (because no one planned any social activities for them or drove them anywhere), inactive (because they had nothing to do but watch tv), and emotionally crippled (because no one gave them care).  Your comparison of emotional labour to a quasi-magical “male influence” shows that you just have no idea what you’re talking about, or are trying to be malicious.

     

    Now, one could argue that some of these emotional labour tasks don’t need to be done, that the degree of exhaustion is not necessary, that a woman who is over-burdened should consider what tasks she can give up without negative effect to those she loves or herself.  One could argue that some women consider their emotional exhaustion as a badge of pride, the female equivalent of male machismo – this is valid IMHO.  But to say it doesn’t exist?  Asinine.

     

    Perspective, Tron, perspective.  Once upon a time my wife and I watched a show called “Big Love.”  It was about a man with 3 wives and many children.  After the second episode, both my wife and I agreed to turn off the show in disgust.  We both felt distressed after having watched it….but for very different reasons.  My wife felt disgusted by the power imbalance – the fact that 3 women had to compete for the attention of 1 man.  She identified with them, with their powerlessness, felt stressed imagining herself as one of them.  I felt stressed out imagining myself as the man – the man with not just 1 wife to please, but 3.  With a busload of kids to provide for.  I was having a virtual heart attack just thinking about being that guy, how crazy and unfair HIS life must be.   My differing perspective doesn’t make her wrong, nor vice-versa.  I could easily see her perspective…once I made the effort to do so.

  18. 58
    Noone45

    @NNTG

    “Because I’m honestly passive-aggressively trying to get anyone to talk me into dating.”

    That’s easy: do you think you might have fun? Take away all the crap about finding “the one” – maybe you meet new friends, see some new things, have a good story to tell your grandchildren, etc. Perhaps I’m not the best person to talk about it considering I don’t date, but I’m rational to a fault. The numbers are what they are. I weigh dating versus other pursuits and find it’s not rational to pursue something entirely unavailable to me considering my circumstances. However, you aren’t in my shoes. You actually do have a shot if you are willing to take it. You’re probably worth more than you give yourself credit for.

    Don’t listen to people here who prattle on about SMV and other nonsense. People try to make sense of their world however they can. Assigning a number to their “value” seems to make sense, but you are not worth less because someone else can’t see what you bring to the world. Most of what people do in this comment section is give up their power to someone else. And what’s the real tea? If you blame it on something external then you never have to change. You don’t have to face your shortcomings and take responsibility for them.

    Perhaps I’m just in a good mood since i got promoted and have achieved relative financial stability. Best to ignore me lol

  19. 59
    No Name To Give

    Actually No one, I made a typo, and left out “not”. 😉

  20. 60
    Yet Another Guy

    @Mike

    “Meanwhile regarding your “minimum threshold”…have you ever heard of a woman in love with a man who seemingly has nothing going for him?”

    While that situation occurs, it is very rare. There are more men with women who have nothing going for them vice versa. That is because men do not expect a woman to be the provisioner.

    You say that I am misrepresenting women, that women are more selective in person. However, that does not correlate with the guys who are bellyaching about how much easier it is to meet women who desire a date in person. Attracting even average women online is something that most men simply cannot do. Why? Because there is the false sense of endless options; therefore, women become more selective than they are in real life. This phenomenon is well documented. Men somewhat fall for the same trap online. However, there is a big difference; namely, most guys recognize the existence of “leagues” because they have had to approach most of their lives. Rejection is a cruel mistress, but it teaches a man what is possible and what is not. Sure, there are guys who attempt to shoot above their pay grade when contacting women online; however, for the most part when a woman complains of men reaching on dating sites, it is because she is unwilling to date her equal looks-wise. Most women do not know where they stand in relation to other women. Sure, the bottom 20% knows where they rank in the female social hierarchy, but the other 80% are for the most part clueless unless they have done a considerable amount of approaching. Why? Because guys in the top 20% will and do date down for sex. The top 20% on any given dating site dates the top 80% of women.

    With that said, if you do not believe that having a woman strongly attracted to you before you actually meet her is an “it’s my opportunity to waste” moment, then you must be one of the 80% guys. Chemistry is easy to create for a 20% guy with polished game. How do you think so many women get played by 20% men on dating sites? How many profiles have you read that stated “no players” or “no serial daters?” I have read quite a few. How do you think these women learned to include those phrases in their profiles? Some women reach the point where they assume that all 20% guys are players and shit test the crap out guys in this cohort. I will say that the longer a 20% guy remains on the dating sites, the greater the probability that he become a player or at least start to toy with women on the site.

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