What Do Guys In Their 20’s Want With Women In Their 40’s?

What Do Guys In Their 20’s Want With Women In Their 40s

I am in my mid-forties and I have been online dating off and on for about 2½ years and dating in general for 4 years. I am a year and a half out of a relationship and in that time, I have found only one guy I was interested in but he did the vanishing act. I have probably more dates than the average woman and I just can’t seem to find a guy I want to date. I am often told I am beautiful and I look about 10 years younger than I my age. I get contacted by a fair number of guys in their 20’s and most I don’t respond to because I just feel it won’t go anywhere. Recently, however, I was contacted by a guy in his mid-twenties and I was impressed by his profile…he’s mature, intelligent, articulate and attractive. I started up a correspondence with him. I was curious. But I still feel that maybe it’s a mistake…what do I really have in common with this guy? After all, I am twenty years older than he is. 

In your opinion, what do guys in their twenties really expect and/or want when contacting an older woman?  The youngest guy I have ever been out with is 33. 

Thanks for your insight. I really enjoy reading your blog and I feel that of many so-called dating experts that you are right on!


Thanks, Coug–, uh Carla. As a so-called dating expert, I really appreciate the kind words!

Which is why I’m sure you’re going to be completely receptive to this:

You’re wasting your time with this kid.

Okay, that’s not fair. Let me use more words to say it:

If you’re looking for a long-term relationship, you’re most likely wasting your time with this kid. However, if you’re looking for good, clean (and not-so-clean) fun with a young stallion, you can have an amazing time. In fact, I would encourage you to do so. And take lots of pictures.

If you’re looking for a long-term relationship, you’re most likely wasting your time with this kid. However, if you’re looking for good, clean (and not-so-clean) fun with a young stallion, you can have an amazing time.

See, I’m not here to set the rules for society. I’m here to observe society and report back to you how things USUALLY work out. And for every Demi and Ashton (Celebrities, They’re Just Like Us!), there are thousands of other instances of cross-generational relationships that die a quick, painless death. Why? Because he was born in the 80’s, right about the time that you were losing your virginity in college. Because he’s been in the workforce for oh, about four years. Because he may be a great communicator, mature for his age, and relationship minded, but he’s also, y’know, a BABY.

You know how I know this? Because I’M that guy. I’ve ALWAYS loved older women. I was with a 35 year old woman when I was 20. I used to flirt with my mom’s friends. And when all my friends would make fun of me and say, “Why would you date an older woman when you could date a younger woman?”, I’d say, “Why would you date a younger woman when you can date an older woman?”. … As far as I’m concerned, every woman is better at 28 than at 23, better at 33 than at 28, and so on. Now, there is a flaw in this system – the biological clock – which is much worse at 38 than at 23. This is a valid concern to men looking to have families, so let’s not overlook it. But still, I’m a big proponent of life experience and wisdom. Older women are AWESOME in this guy’s book.

So even if this young man’s interest in you is completely pure, even if he wants to have a real relationship with you, you guys are most likely doomed. If he wants to have kids. Or go clubbing at night. Or switch careers a few more times. Or do normal things like twentysomethings do. You’re at the home buying, 401K saving, family planning phase of life – for MOST 46-year-olds. Hey, if you still have the juice to hang with kids, go crazy.

There’s a very good reason that you don’t see many 25 year old men with 45 year old women.

It just seems far more likely that a) he’s bragging to his friends that he might get to sleep with a woman 20 years older than himself, or b) you guys really might be compatible if only he were significantly older or you were significantly younger. But he’s not. And you’re not. Put another way, there’s a very good reason that you don’t see many 25 year old men with 45 year old women.

A caveat which I must acknowledge: if neither of you desires children, then you have a far better chance. But presuming he does, if I were you, Carla, I’d probably have some fun. Go in with your eyes open and appreciate the experience for what it is – a dalliance with the youthful exuberance of your past. Enjoy it while it lasts.


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  1. 211
    Janet Arnold

    Its so refreshing to hear that others can find being with a guy 20 years younger then them more fitting.  With 2 failed marriages …second was to my husband of 15 years he was 12 years older than me. After my divorce I was 44 when my neighbor 35 and I started dateing. That lasted on and off for 3 years. He wasn’t very mature in fact he was about as imature in his way of thinking and in conversation as my much older ex husband. I have three children with my ex husband….16yrs, 14 yrs and 4 yrs.

    Just recently I had moved to Las Vegas and a 25 year old in my apartment complex has a major crush on me, now mind you at 47 I get mistaken alot for being 35. We spoke to each other on a daily basis and I was very surprised by his level of maturity and intelligence. He is currently involved with a girl his age and they have a 6 month old daughter and she has a 5 year old son from a previous. He’s a great father ( she works and he raises the kids). I’m not a home wrecker I had told him I don’t get involved with involved men. He does continue in conversation about possibly him and I spending more time together but I’m against it, not because if his age but because he has a family. His girlfriend is very sweet and I just love the kids. I’m compleatly flattered that such a younger guy is  attracted to me and enjoys our conversations. If the situation was different I would not have hesitated dating him. I have since been hit on by 3 other guys in their mid 20’s since I have been out here but those were more for a “booty call” than anything and I wasn’t interested plus they didn’t have that level of maturity I was expecting. Its something about the way this guy talks, his gramner, honesty, intelligence and intalect that has me always thinking about him. He trys to sneekk by my apartment in the evening just to say hi but I’ve come to the point where I told him “look your involved and I don’t want to be the reason your relationship with your girlfriend goes south” he completely understood and has backed off but in passing we always find ourselves glancing over at each other.

    Well its back to the dating scene for me but I’m no longer searching I’m just waiting to see if I might be what a man his  looking for.

  2. 212
    The Truth

    Much older women can be very fun to be with, especially if you have a lot in common and being very compatible with one another.  A lot of men do like the mother type of  a woman since they can be very understanding and very loving as well.

  3. 213

    I’m 22½ & I have a girlfriend that is 41 years old. She looks attractive and she doesn’t look 41 at all. We’ve been dating for over 2 years now. I met her online. I met her at a movie theater in person on 5/8/2017 to see an Action comedy about two women on the run from the cops. She forgot her purse at home to buy a ticket & I was nice to pay for the tickets to see whatever the movie we went to see together but we both thought it was a cute comedy and we had a fun time. Anyway since that day I have been seeing her. We’re Possibly talking about living together cause she’s loves and I also do have a lot of chemistry with her. On days that’s she upset I take care of her.

  4. 214

    Its nice to see all your opinions in this young guy older women situations. In fact i can relate to this since I am 40 and married. My marriage is on the rocks already and met a 23 year old guy in my workplace. it started through a chat where he asked questions anythng under the sun and i will answer.Days passed and his questions started from general to personal questions.Then one day he asked me if we could do a one night stand and surprisingly i agreed. i thought thats it and were done. after a week he sent a message again and asked me if we can do it again. i then agreed again til its a weekly habit. i dont know what to do now. its addicting and i think im falling.i cant get him out of my head..its been 5 months now and i cant help but think about it all the time..

    1. 214.1

      It’s pretty clear what you need to do, Arbie: get a divorce. I can relate to your husband, as my ex husband did the same thing you’re doing when we were married. Your husband is much better off without you. Don’t drag it out. Just come clean, don’t blame him, apologise and end your marriage. There’s no confusion here.

      Everyone makes mistakes, but you need to take responsibility for what you’re doing instead of whinging on a blog.

  5. 215

    I’m just starting a friendship with a younger man he is 24.I am 49 and 50.next year. I met him.on a dating app I’ve been on since the beginning of the year. I’ve been a few older men off this app. But I’ve found them to be confused about what they actually want . The.nicest I’ve seen are much younger guys. Have been seeing a 26 yr old for ages though not seriously . My ex is a nasty Iranian man who I had four kids with and has remarried a much much younger woman 15 yrs younger but my daughter’s are fine with this I am a kiwi . My new Freind is too and we have,been messaging all week . I don’t know how it will turn out but I have my back up the other guy .I see . In dating again after so long I have found it always pays to have a back up guy in case . My ex controlled me to the point I could not function as a individual anymore he is 5yrs older. My daughters are worried but seem to think it’s fine for him to be with a much younger woman . He is probably the weirdest man I will ever know and I’m.glad he is faraway in another country though he still is online always checking up.on me it’s pathetic . He has even affected the kids . The effect he had left will take yrs to go he has calmed me and his three daughters worst names and made is all feel worthless because we are girls but my son who is with him gets better treatment because he is a boy. I will go into this new friendship with caution and post another comment when :/ have met him . We have talked on video phone and messaged all week . So I’ll go and at least have some fun and not think about if it lasts or not . I’ve found young guys to be actually more reliable with messaging and calling than much older guys . I cannot believe how common this gap is it’s very encouraging . We are all looking for love isn’t that what it’s all about in the end .

  6. 216

    43 here! ( was 40 when we started dating) he is 30 (was 27 when we started) currently 15 weeks pregnant, thanks to ivf and have the best relationship I have ever had in my life. Age doesn’t even matter anymore.

  7. 217

    “Evan Marc Katz Let me guess: Trump voter?”

    Wow, I can’t believe you went political blaming Trump (yes, that’s in essence what you did), trying to humiliate someone you think is a Trump supporter over what they may or may not believe politically on this controversy of women having kids in their older age! You’re definitely a Leftist. I’m disgusted!

    1. 217.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      I think there are many people who are disgusted by Trump who are not Leftists. Sorry, you’re disgusted. I am, too.

  8. 218
    Telcia Newton

    I’m 48 And he is 22. This was my second time around for a relationship like this. The first time I married the guy ( he was 10 years younger than me) after 8 years as bf/gf. Our marriage only lasted 1 year. This relationship lasted 5 years. I will tell you that there were way more bad times than good. My advice to anyone getting into this type of situation is to not get your heart involved in it. Just enjoy it while it lasts. It may even be better to just do it for a while and leave when you think you’re catching feelings. A young person Will change!!! No matter how good things are for them they will eventually want to do the things that they feel like they never got a chance to do being in such a serious relationship. And the lust is going to win over the love. And you will be very hurt when it’s over so save yourself the trouble. Plain and simple a person has to have a chance to experience enough of his own life before he can completely give themself to a committed relationship.  And by that time he won’t want an older woman,  he will want a woman his own age or younger. But to each his own. I’m just giving my opinion.

  9. 219

    I’m 41 and I was with a man ten years younger than me for two years. I found him to be more mature than men older than myself, we had amazing chemistry, and he was attentive and nurturing. I think you often give good advice, Evan, but I disagree with you here. Plenty of men marry younger women, why can’t women marry younger men with success? Don’t feed into sexist stereotypes.

    1. 219.1
      Yet Another Guy


      Plenty of men marry younger women, why can’t women marry younger men with success?

      The older woman/significantly younger man pairing only works if the man already has all of the children that he desires; otherwise, the older woman will almost always lose out to biology over the long haul.  I have lost count of the number couples I have known or women I have met where the man was ten-plus years younger than woman that ended with the man dumping his older wife for a younger woman because he wanted to have children of his own.

  10. 220

    I am 40 years old and he is 30 years old sex with him is amazing and want to have more than ten time per day.

  11. 221

    I’m 40 my boyfriend is 16 years younger then me, 2 years older then my eldest child,  but I was l8ving with him 5 years ago for 2 yrs and dating about a year before that not living together,  but after his mum passed n him being an only child n in trouble with the law until he met me,  he went back into that cycle,  his mother had at 1st worried about our age gap but soon she realized she could relax,  he was involved more in family things, he wasn’t in trouble with the law n even stopped the drugs. But after she passed we went back for her funeral, people from his bad past turned up got in his ear at a vulnerable time he went on 3 day bender n I had to go back to my youngest  son 5 at the time, n he never came back,  he started sending letters,  I got the first one but the guy we had been house mating with never take me any after that I’ve since found out there were alot,  I ended up with said house mate who was a bad drug user n had custody of his 4 girls,  his ex had left with his son,  so saw h for 3 yrs live in and 1 n a bit live out , my ex was in n outta jail again but last 2 n a half yrs he’s not been in any trouble back off drugs,  gained weight n under 100kgs, looks great,  n contacted me a while ago saying he got his gf pregnant etc I was happy for him but we still had our connection and she was cheating on him we found out but he stayed to see his son born I can’t have no more after 4, n I’ve been married twice before I met him 1st time,  we have no secretsthats whathe likes as he said younger girls aren’t like that n he cant talk to them like me, I understand his mental health issues, I knew about his mum etc, n he recently visited n it was like he never left we just clicked more in love then ever, he had to go back for court as ex with his 4 mth old son found out he was coming and got in his face he punched hole in wall asi know he’d never hit her n she slapped avo on him,  n right now near 3am here he’s just txt to tell me he loves me n I’m his beautiful queen n he cant wait to get her in a few days hopefully for good this time if all is good with court n they allow it then next step is getting visitation or even custody of his son as her partying ways n moving him from guys house to guys house cant b good for this Lil man he needs our stability n my kids adore my man always have so they are happy n would welcome Lil Bubba anyway.  We all can’t wait to b family again,  he’s my soul mate n my rock,  I’m his queen n he’s my king and we are in love it’s awesome.  My dad is 12 years older then his wife of over 26 years n I have an awesome brother through them so age don’t matter your only as old as you feel,  n my man keeps me young n active n I’m told looking young for my age xx

  12. 222
    Carl Morgan

    I’m at a point in my life where I’m still trying to get on my feet, find myself, And try new things.I’m single,37,never been married,and have no kids.I have been on many dates with younger women,(24age), and older women,(63age), I don’t discriminate age wise,as long as your 24 and up, my job pays crappy but i prefer older woman because they’re more mature.I like to go out when I have the fund’s to go, which is rare,but I’m limited also cause I have no license,and living in Brevard county, Florida,I don’t even know where the older women go out to,but then again, it’s been so long since I’ve been on a date, I don’t even know how to talk to a woman,🤔🤔


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