What’s Attractive IN Men is What’s Attractive TO Men

I know it’s happened to you before.

You had a relationship that was next-to-perfect.

Your amazing boyfriend possessed almost everything on your wishlist.

He was attractive, he was smart, he was successful.
He was thoughtful, he was fun, he was great in bed.
He was interesting, he was sensitive, he was kind.

Then why did the relationship fall apart? Why couldn’t you make it work with him?

My client, Jennifer, is a smart, successful and sexy woman in her mid-50’s. She’s coming off of a roller-coaster dating experience that has left her confused and heartbroken. I’m sure you can relate.

After joining my Inner Circle, Jennifer, was excited to have attracted a different kind of guy. She was done with the slick, wealthy, charmers who’d loved her and left her before. Her new boyfriend had all the signs of being a keeper.

He took down his profile and offered to be exclusive.
He called her consistently to make plans.
He emailed and texted multiple times a day.
He introduced her to his friends and met her family.

If you let your disappointments shade your view of relationships, you may be inadvertently sabotaging yourself.

These are the hallmarks of an interested man. Except you already know that I wouldn’t be telling you this story if it had a happy ending.

Out of nowhere, this guy went POOF, into the night. He did a complete 180 about his willingness to be part of a couple, and didn’t bother to justify it with an explanation.

What is there to learn from this scenario?

First of all, Jennifer can take heart in that she is not at all responsible for this man’s sudden departure. As a woman who read Why He Disappeared, did the Inner Circle, AND took my Romance Course, she handled herself PERFECTLY.

Your takeaway from this blog post is to not let this man’s sudden departure change ANYTHING about how you date.

Because what’s attractive in men is also what’s attractive TO men. And if you let your disappointments shade your view of relationships, you may be inadvertently sabotaging yourself.

Let’s start by looking at what’s attractive IN men:

Independent – He’s got a life outside of you. He’s passionate about his work, he’s successful at it, and he’s cultivated interests and friendships that predate you. He makes you a priority, but doesn’t drop his entire existence because you came into the picture. You respect his need for balance and the attention he gives to family and friends. Most importantly you love that, despite his interests, the right guy ALWAYS makes time for you.

Emotionally Intelligent – He’s been in relationships before. He’s loved. He’s lost. He has a serious ex-girlfriend or wife in his past about whom he speaks highly. He has a few exes who fare less well. But he knows that these women have nothing to do with you. You are a unique individual with her own complex set of experiences and needs. And no matter whether his last relationship dumped him, cheated on him, or took half his money, he doesn’t hold any of it against YOU.

Confident – He knows how to treat a woman. He’s generous with the tab. He’s charismatic when he tells a story. He doesn’t spend any time agonizing as to whether he’s “doing okay” on the date, or wondering “where this is going” or “if you’re seeing anybody else”. He doesn’t need to pressure you into a relationship. He knows that he’s good enough and trusts that you’re going to respond to him.

We can go on, of course, but this is a great place to start: independent, emotionally intelligent, confident.

So if what is attractive IN men is also what’s attractive TO men, how can you be at your most attractive to the men you desire?

Apply the same lessons that men should apply and you’re on the right track.

If you’re an independent woman, don’t drop everything for a charismatic stranger. Don’t cancel plans with your other friends. Don’t instantly stop dating other guys on Match.com. Don’t leave Friday night open in hopes that he may contact you. By continuing to live your life, you become more attractive, and a little less accessible, which means a man has to work a bit harder to win you over. This is a good thing.

(By the way, there is a fine line between “continuing to live your life” and “being so busy that a guy can’t book a date with you until July”. My point is that you shouldn’t emotionally “drop everything” until it’s very clear that a man has earned boyfriend status. It’s easy to do this the second you get excited about a guy. Don’t.)

There is a fine line between “continuing to live your life” and “being so busy that a guy can’t book a date with you until July”.

If you’re committed to being emotionally intelligent about relationships, you know that the next guy has nothing to do with the last guy. You don’t go into a date looking for signs that there’s something wrong with him. You don’t try to figure out your future after 3 dates. You know that dating is a process that has to be honored organically, and that you’re going to fare much better when you learn to make each night the most fun it can be. Because that’s what men respond to on a date: fun.

And if you’re truly confident in yourself, you will be amazed at how men respond to you. By embracing your feminine energy, you know that YOU are the gatekeeper to great dates and that YOU can bring out the best in every single man. Which means you’ll never have to wonder where you stand; in fact, your inner confidence will radiate that it’s up to YOU to decide if HE gets to see you again. What an amazing paradigm shift, especially if you’re a woman who sometimes gets nervous around the most impressive men.

It’s easy to find fault with men who pull a 6-week Houdini act, like Jennifer’s “boyfriend”, but the truth is, Jennifer just saved herself a TON of time. Imagine if he’d pulled this stuff after 6 months, or 2 years. THIS is his way of handling conflicts: disappearing.

Well, good riddance, buddy! Don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out!

Your strongest move after such an incident is to be like the attractive man: independent, emotionally, intelligent, and confident.

Keep living your life.
Get RIGHT back on your dating site.
Don’t get too excited at each promising prospect.
Don’t worry about whether each guy has a future. That’s up to YOU.
And have FUN, because if you have fun, HE’LL have fun.
And if HE has fun, he’s always going to come back for more.

(Unless he’s a disappearing jerk, in which case you don’t want him anyway. :-))

Join our conversation (122 Comments).
Click Here To Leave Your Comment Below.


  1. 61

    Kristen 73, thank you! 

    nathan 76: absolutely. No one is that extreme; we all fall somewhere in the vast in-between space of the spectrum. It is usually the people who haven’t experienced much of life yet that fall at the extremes – witness the comments on the “slut” thread. Gaining more life experience and interacting with more people generally moves us closer to the middle.

    I would say the same phenomenon occurs when two people have gotten to know each other for a while. Katarina had a point earlier when she said that “polarity creates passion.” That makes a relationship exciting at first. But marriages aren’t about everlasting passion; they are much more about friendship and partnership. CS Lewis has described friendship as two people who are not gazing into each others’ eyes, but are looking in the same direction toward the same goal. When you have a family to nurture and sustain, that is what the couple becomes. They are not poles. They are together in the middle.

  2. 62

    I am having trouble integrating the message of this post with all the posts on men wanting women that make them feel good not so much who are successful and impressive….is this more under the dating skills category like with “mirroring”?

  3. 64

    Annie 79, wow. What an interesting article. Thanks for sharing it.
    I am surprised that this author, despite her LONG article, never arrived at the same conclusion that Evan did in a previous post: women should give the men who didn’t graduate from college a chance. (I don’t want to call them “beta males,” because they may in fact be superior in ways beyond education.) In the US, we are still giving birth at ratios of about 50:50 male:female, so it’s not as though there is actually a shortage of men. But this author says there’s a shortage of “good men,” and she defines “good” mostly in terms of whether they completed college. Bill Gates and Steve Jobs never completed college. Hmm.
    The upshot is that in today’s world, where we’re educated at much higher rates than men, women who wish male partners need to seriously consider those guys who haven’t completed a degree.
    Of course, that also leads to the question which hasn’t really been addressed in this blog. What do the men who haven’t completed a degree think of the prospect of partnering with alpha women?

  4. 65

    @80 Helen

    Good points you make. Education doesn’t really Equal Character. I think in the past it did. When people were educated, they were “well-mannered” and ‘behaved” correctly. So we’ve equated education, with good behaviour.

    Not the case anymore. And sometimes..it’s the opposite.

  5. 66

    For the love! I’m just grateful to hear a man (EMK) express himself, period. You wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve googled, “How to understand men.” Ladies, let’s not kill the messenger. EMK is here, *honestly* giving us the answers to our questions, so why crucify the man? He has been gracious enough to publish some of the truly ugly posts in this thread so if you don’t like what you read, be respectful in turn and log off.

    We will NEVAH (my lame attempt at a Northeastern accent) change some of these frogs into princes and yet we’re pissed when we can’t. I’m one of those ‘alpha’ females and I know I can be successful *and* have a great relationship (which, BTW, Marc has never disagreed with); however, as one of my most favorite women, Margaret Thatcher stated, “Being in power is like being a lady; if you have to tell people you are, you aren’t.”

    And that’s all I have to say about that.–Forest Gump

  6. 67

    Great comments and great blog! Here’s my 2 cents on the whole story. I probably have far less experience
    than most of the people here, but I think that coming from a somewhat different
    culture might bring a twist to the whole thread.

    Growing up in a eastern European country which was just discovering democracy and importing ‘feminist
    trends’ from the West, I have been taught by my parents that my main goal in life
    is supposed to be becoming a successful, independent, cultivated, refined lady,
    who can financially support herself in any circumstance and not depend on a man
    to survive. My dad (who works in the military) and my grandfather (who used to
    be a player in his days) stressed out the – in their words- paramount
    importance of having a strong personality, standing up for oneself, gaining the
    respect of others, questioning authority, accepting challenges and, when necessary,
    challenging men, but being careful not to become one. At that time, I had no idea
    what they meant. On the other side of the barricade, my mother (math teacher
    and artist) and my grandmother (devoted housewife) were trying to balance
    things by giving me advice like: ‘If you have a heavy bag, don’t pick it up and
    let them (the guys around) do it. They
    will be happy to do it. However never forget how important it is to know that
    you CAN pick it up’. At that time, I used to think that they were referring to
    gender roles in society etc. and found it complete nonsense. But then I realized
    something amazing! It wasn’t about gender roles – how could it have been, when
    they were constantly trying to make me less ‘softer’ – it was about defining masculine
    and feminine energies!

    Anyway, time went by.mI don’t want to brag, but I have had a fair amount of success– which peaked
    when I received my admission letters from Oxford (law), Cambridge (nanotechnology)
    and Harvard (law). Because of various personal reasons, I had to drop my ‘Oxford
    dream’ and chose to move with my family in Germany, where I started studying
    law. Arriving in ‘The West’ I was somehow shocked by the way both women and men
    behaved in this part of the world. Now, I don’t want it to seem as if I am
    labeling a whole country (because I am not) or that I am biased (because I am
    not). I just speak of what I have observed.

    Women are so ‘manly’,min contrast to our eastern European standards. They want to achieve a lot,
    which is great and all – who doesn’t? – but they end up getting lost in this ‘journey
    ’ and eventually burry under that whole pile of ambition what they are at their
    core – women. I am not saying that what they want is wrong – heck, I want a
    great career too – but the way they are going seems to be wrong. Family is not
    important for them and nor is having a stable relationship, but then again, these
    very women are complaining that many men are ‘pansies’. Am I seeing a vicious
    circle here? From this I take it that they actually want a ‘manly’ man, but aren’t
    willing to give up some of the balls they’ve been growing in order to actually
    find this manly man.

    Then there are the ones complaining about so many local German men actually marrying South American,
    Asian or eastern European women. Why exactly these 3 regions? Maybe because most
    of the women around there still are in touch with their feminine core? I got
    the same feedback from 2 of my guy friends who are currently studying in Sweden
    and in Norway. The 2 are simply brilliant in their fields and both told me that
    they will surely not be dating any local girls/women, since they are so ‘rugged’,
    which makes them ‘unattractive’.  ‘Why
    would I date a guy’? I was so shocked when I heard that –  So obvious, so simple.

    As far as I am concerned, I can only tell you this. Even if I am 21, I have worked my a** off
    at school and now, during University, to be among the best. I have read 300+
    books , speak fluently 3 foreign languages, can fix things around the house, so
    I don’t need to call a handyman, and have a blue belt in karate. I am going to
    start my LLM soon and then planning my PhD. I will eventually strive to become
    partner. But then again, I am willing to give some of this up if I meet the right guy. I took up law because I wanted
    to help people, not because I wanted to show others how much money I can make
    or how fast I can get promoted. I will always continue practicing law, no
    matter what. The only difference is that I can chose not to be super-turbo-active
    and lay back a little.

    The cruel reality is that having my own cool office within the firm and dealing with the
    oh-so-important clients won’t give me a hug when I am down or lots of love when
    I need it. Eventually, my parents will do that… but sadly, they won’t live

    So it probably depends on each of us to set their priorities. Cheers to you, Evan, and keep up the good work!

  7. 68

    “He knows how to treat a woman.”

    Men who go *POOF* do not fit in this category. 

    1. 68.1
      Evan Marc Katz


      Sorry, M. A man can know how to treat a woman and still break up with her because he’s unhappy in the relationship. Happens all the time.

  8. 69

    @ EMK #84 – they’ll break up, but they won’t go *POOF*. Unless *POOF* doesn’t mean what I think it means. I took it to understand that one day, the guy just ceased all contact, which is pretty shabby treatment. Those of my guy friends that have talked to me about their breakups, all took the time to do it face-to-face if they were in a serious relationship like the one described above.
    While on the subject, I didn’t see a problem with the fact that the guy “didn’t bother to justify it with an explanation”. IMO giving an explanation can be like giving the person a false hope – he’s leaving me because of A, B, and C, so, if I fix A, B, and C, he’ll come back. That’s too much unnecessary pressure on both sides.

  9. 70

    Thx for the great post, does that mean when guys disappear or POOF, women should not reflect on herself and self blame. As guys generally do that on purpose? I do have your e-book, think its time I read that again…

  10. 71

    WOW. I actually read through all these comments. We women are COMPLICATED lol. OMG, its so clear. We just like to argue. Thats it.
    Evan is trying to get to the truth of the matter. And hes right.
    But I have a question for you Evan, since you even claim to be a know it all and such. Do you find with experience and age, that everything about life and relationship becomes less black and white? And uncertain? Or is it the opposite?
    Because I use to be a liberal know it all, but boy was I just young and naive. The more I know, the more I realize how much I didnt know about anything. Complexities existed everywhere. There were rules and exceptions, but sometimes the exceptions outnumbered the rules (?) and became the rules themselves…then new exceptions form.
    There are concreteness to life and relationships. I agree with social sciences that reality is always changing.
    That is why what a man in his 50s want in a woman…is COMPLETELY different from what a man in his 20s want in a woman. The shifts in cultural norms and relationship dynamics change.
    Nothing we say that a man or woman want can truly be the “same” things as those are always changing due to changing demands, needs, norms, views, values, etc.
    This is just my two cents.

  11. 72

    Hi Evan, I really liked this post and I can really relate to it.
    I am generally like this, and with this qualities I attracted my last BF. But since he broke up with me I find it soooo hard to be as I used to. You are right that your client was lucky and had to live it after only 6 weeks.
    Thanks for the advice!

  12. 73

    Thanks for sharing this! My husband was a disappearing jerk. We had money issues and he just disappearedthen said he had someone else since he couldnt just disappear with the marriage licence and all. I feel no regrets, I worked hard to be a great wife and I was. I just didnt get to know him long enough to avoid having a breakup have to turn into a divorce. I know for next time to take it slow. I’m a good woman. I deserve that.

  13. 74

    It is interesting to see resistence and agreeance here.  It would be equally interesting to see how well those who have resisted EMK’s advice have fared in their relationship status. 

     All I know is that each time I was proposed to by a man, it was when I was just having fun and enjoying time with him…not all ate up over the future.  I was also very supportive of the guy, wanting to find out what his dreams were..and assuring him I thought him capable of achieving them.  Assurance, support, love, fun..all ended up proposing.  I was married 7 years first marriage, 13 years in the 2nd.  What I’ve learned is that things start falling apart when I lost that supportive demeanor and didn’t seem so reassuring to the man…I found fault with him, and didn’t think his jokes were quite so cute anymore. I started taking control of things I thought needed to be done differently or better.  Started managing and directing instead of listening, supporting, and assuring.  Granted…I’m not sure which ended first…his attention to me, or my support and assurance to him.  One things for sure though….the fun left the game yet the players continued play because, just like the game of Monopoly…the game isn’t over till the last one is left holding everything….but nothing.  In Monopoly, you win when your opponents have lost and had to leave.  Yet…there you sit, with all the money, power and titles…and no one to share them with.  Ironic, hmmm?  

    I’ve since been proposed to 3 times in the last 4 years.  None were the ones I wished to settle with however.  That being said….each time I received a proposal, it was when I focused on being supportive, assuring, and loving…and trust me, that did not mean being motherly. lol   We had FUN as a by-product of getting along well….and as a result of my own detachment to a serious outcome of the relationship.  I just let go and had FUN!  

    So…for those ladies who keep asking the tired question: Why should I change myself to attract and keep a man?  The answer is:  You don’t have to change a thing…just get used to living ALONE.  Is it necessary to breathe?  No…not unless you want to live.  Is it necessary to be more feminine to keep a mans interest and affection?  Yes..if your goal is to keep it and have a committed relationship.  Be your alpha self if, like me, you get antsy and just want to spread your wings and fly free, and, like a butterfly, stop at first one flower and then the next.  If you want to keep that masculine energy…then date like a man does.  What’s stopping you, huh?  If your bed is lonely, hello…you’re a woman!  10 minutes in a singles bar and you can fill it easily. 

    You’ll see the truth to the matter when your wings grow weary and you start thinking about settling down.  When you start feeling a certain hollowness deep down inside that hurts worse than changing things up a bit and stepping out of character.  After all…..you’re asking guys to do essentially the same thing.  Do you think its a natural instinct for men to want to get married?  WHAT?  You DO?  Tell ya what….do an independent poll…with a non-slanted basis.  Poll 1000 single men and ask them if they dream about getting married.   I have a feeling they’re more inclined to dream about flying from flower to flower.  lol  

    I ask one last question.  What could it hurt to simply try an experiment? 

    For those who are alpha females…don’t mention how much you make, flirt with the guy sweetly, be interested in his dreams and goals, be assuring to him that he’s awesome, laugh at his jokes, have outrageous crazy fun with him…be young and goofy for goodness sakes, and see how serious he suddenly gets (ever wonder why guys are attracted to younger women?  Cause they have fun…and it’s not just because they’re young and firm and have better bodies….I have been 50-60 lbs overweight each and every time I received marriage proposals…and NOT by ugly or nerdy guys either!). Now…try the reverse.  Start monopolising the conversation with how demanding your job is, spend longer hours at work, tell him you’re not quite in the mood to go do what he wants to do, start telling him how he could do things better without him asking your advice…and see how long the relationship lasts.  I dare you.  Double dare you!

  14. 75

    @ lyrakay #91

    Good post. Found myself nodding my head all the way through. 🙂

  15. 76

     Also found myself nodding at #91 lyrakay. I don’t see why the masculine and feminine concept would be difficult to comprehend..and I think the terms just strike a nerve with some people.  Neither one is better than the other and we all have both masculine and feminine energy.  This year when I discovered that men nowadays still fall in love with the softer side of women, and not looking mainly at “things in common” or our success and education, it made me feel so much more confident about attracting the type of man I’d like to be with. I do have a good job, one that does not require all my time and energy, as it’s more of a support role rather than an executive one.  But it’s enough to make me   feel  financially  independent of others.  This realization made me  long ago  know that I didn’t feel like I must be with a man who made more money than me. But I had habits that came off controlling, too masculine or insecure.  However,despite that factor I am  feminine at my core and it’s just because of societal and peer influence that I thought I was supposed to always be in “go chase it down, be aggressive” mode everywhere, including in my relationships.  Honestly it felt draining to channel more of my masculine energy in dating, plus it clearly was not working all these years. I just didn’t know any better.  I’m enjoying dating more now that I know it’s actually more effective to embrace my feminine energy so I feel like when the man who makes it clear with his efforts that he wants a relationship comes along, I will not be feeling all insecure and weak in the knees.

  16. 77

    This was very interesting.

  17. 78

    Responding to the original blog, its a very good point.
    An attractive man doesnt hold onto past relationship pain but instead learns from it. As a woman, I absolutely agree. I am very much in this space now myself. I look at my previous relationships and can see what was attractive about the guy and what the ‘red flags’ were. Ive been to a councellor and explored my own baggage to come to an understanding of my own negative AND positive contributions. I hope that the next man I like appreciates the personal work and growth and has given himself time and introspection too.
    An attractive man is independent and makes time for you. Again, I agree. A man who has his own life and has room in his life for me is ideal. A man who makes me the centre of his universe or expects me to make him the centre of my universe is just plain hard work. The pressure is too much in these circumstances because I cannot be another’s be all and end all nor do I wish to sacrifice my interests and dreams to make another my be all and end all. So yes, I am independent and when a man catches my attention I make time for him.
    An attractive man is confident. Thus, he is not arrogant or trying to elicit pity empathy from me. Confidence, in my opinion is person, male or female, who is standing in their own energy. They know they are not perfect and accept themselves, imperfections and all. They take as much learning from experiences as they can and know this learning makes them better and better with each passing day. They have good days and bad and understand this to be human. Fantastic!
    Now, to respond to masculine and feminine energy. I think we all need to be balanced. Hyper masculinity and hyper femininity is unnattractive (in my opinion). A man who cannot ever accept my goals and dreams is not masculine, he is belittling. A man incapable of  lovingly supporting me (nurturing) when I am having a bad day, is not masculine, he is self-centred. A man who can never accept me leading a date and taking him out is not masculine, he is a control freak.  And so forth.
    The ability to be receptive, to support,  to nurture, to protect, to initiate and to love is important in both sexes. Yes, men are attracted to femininity and women to masculinity. On this, I agree. I would state that there are many femininities and many masculinities. For example, as a 5 ft woman only weighing 46 kgs, men are always larger and stronger than me. When a being chooses gentleness and is capable of great strength, it is his choice, his honest desire to be gentle, that is so very attractive.

  18. 79

    EMK – I spat my tea out on the computer when I read this, with laughter.
    Well, good riddance, buddy! Don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out
    Almost feel like having this printed for any ex’s but what the hell.
    Interesting theory that men wanted feminine energy and I believe this most sincerely.  Why should a man want a man at home, (unless he’s homosexual right?).
    Also, there are men who, unfortunately, are rather feminine and this is a bummer too. 
    For me, if he can’t take any decisions right from the start, forget it – at least, as far as I’m concerned, because…..him and I ain’t gonna work together.
    Still laughing about the comment in bold.

  19. 80

    I am a 25 year young woman, who is struggling with the concepts of masculine and feminine energy. I am an introvert, artist, lover of nature, very in touch with my ability to assert masculine qualities when necessary…and totally in love with embracing femininity. I love the way I feel and flow when around masculine men. I am what you could call, a “guys girl” because I love to have fun, and explore….in professional settings, I have a hard time leaving my sexuality and sensuality at the door. So I don’t! I attract men, and women seem threatened by my confidence around men. I find, that around men, I can relax and feel energized by their company and energy. Just quit my job as a retail manager, because I could feel my energy waning. I could no longer smile at others, connect or be polite, because of operating in my masculine. I was exhausted! But. After quitting, I felt more like myself again and vowed that I want to be turned on at work, not shut down! I need to express beauty and bring pleasure All of the time. I am inspired by Alpha Women, but realized that the truest Alphas are women who are feminine and vulnerable! I always thought, that being tough and showing little emotion was better than being told you are weak (my father, a very masculine man, often is disgusted by my emotionality, when sometimes all I need is shoulder to cry on.) As a result, I cry alone, and keep my guard up around men, for fear of being criticized. So appearing emotionless, like, invulnerable, has become my mask……men then complain that I am cold and cease to approach. I am not cold, I am just hurting and scared to show my heart and my affection. I tell men, sometimes I am not good expressing my feelings. I tell them, it makes me feel weak. They can relate….I admit, I do feel threatened, not by women who are more feminine, but are not scared like me. I know that my gift is in my smile and my heart, but I must be allowed to feel sadness, and not be made to feel wrong, weak or unnatural.

    I have become this confusing mix of shyness and openess. But now I only find that I can be only sexually open or mentally. My heart (emotion) is hidden behind a cool social reserve.

    I really need a nurturing man. I don’t know how this fits into masculine/feminine discussion. I suppose I could nurture myself, and just keep it moving.

    1. 80.1

      Kush…you said you need a nurturing man. I think men are very capable of being nurturing. I think it will depend on how you show your emotions that will determine whether a man can nurture you. I think men are drawn to the vulnerable side of a woman. It brings out the knight in shining armor. However, if your emotions also cause you to lash out at a man, then he will be loathe to approach, and won’t drop his guard. If he can’t drop his guard, he can’t nurture you. So the reality is, women do have to be careful with their emotions. if a man has hurt you, the very best way to respond to him is with vulnerability, softness, etc…

      Never use emotions to manipulate. It may work at first but we usually catch on that you are doing that and when we do, we resent it very much.

      Just be yourself, be open and honest, and remember that while he may seem tough, he too has emotions. He will feel good about nurturing you, being the shoulder to cry on, etc… so long as you make him feel safe in doing so. Also, sometimes men need time to think about something. Sometimes we can be cold during the moment, but if we are made to feel safe in doing so, we will approach you later and be ready to talk about it.

      1. 80.1.1

        Thank you for your inputs.  I love when I see men posting on here.  It really does help to see your perspective.  Your last sentence particularly struck a chord with me.  I’m taking that info with me, to practice patience in the future.

  20. 81

    I would like to state my opinion.  I have had a few failed relationships.  All that started started off with a bang.  Romance, attention , flowers Ect ect ect.  They all flopped at different times.  There was a common denominator.  I switched ” energies”.  I became aggressive, assertive and so fourth.  It is true and Evan is right.
     No one is inventing the wheel again here.  It’s how it’s always been and will be.  Reading the posts you can see how head strung and opinionated these women disagreeing are.  the comments from some of these women are.  A man stay bad don’t stray when he’s feeling like a man,  authentic lot just as a women is devoted when she’s being treated as a women. Wheb there’s conflict there’s an imbalance in energy.  It’s  human nature.  Just my opinion and my experience. 

    1. 81.1
      Neely Steinberg

      Perhaps understanding why you seem to have a pattern of “switching energies” will help you in your dating journey, Vanessa. Once you can unpack what’s going on below the surface and understand why you make the switch, you’ll be able to make different choices moving forward. Bringing the unconscious to a place of awareness is key to a person’s self-growth, IMO. So instead of just blindly following dating rules and learning WHAT to think, you learn HOW to think for yourself.

  21. 82

    Jennifer probably doesn’t have much to offer as a partner. He probably gave her the benefit of the the doubt for a while but decided to move on when she didn’t come through. If this guy really was good, he wasn’t interesting in settling for her.

  22. 83
    Dina Strange

    Once again, Evan proves why he is one of the BEST dating coaches out there. Applause.

  23. 84

    I agree w/ Evan 100% & think that for the people in this thread that DON’T GET what Evan says, try reading about polarity/masculine/feminine energy in David Deida’s book, “Intimate Communion” ! Deida gives very descriptive & mentally visual pictures of what it is all about.

    Also, I get the impression that many women do not understand that your romantic relationship is seperate from your job/career/educational relationships- you can have masculine energy in the office, & feminine energy w/ your partner.

    Feeling free to embrace my inner & outer feminine self, as well as understand things about my nature that are evolutionary based has been the epitome of liberation for ME!    

  24. 85

    I bet he tried to come back, too.

  25. 86

    Wow, for a bunch of ‘professional women’ you all seem to be really missing the point here. Gender labels aside…leaders do better with followers and followers do better with leaders. If you are a leader, look for a follower – chances are, with another leader, you are either going to butt heads or go separate ways.  Then again, there is a high chance that many of you leaders won’t have any respect for a follower.  Sucks to be you.

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