Where Do I Meet Single Men If I’m In My 40s?


I am 44 years old and entering the dating scene again for the first time in 25 years. Where do you go to meet someone at my age? I am not doing the online singles sites…that is just scary to me. I don’t go to church. I am new in town, with a few happily married friends.I have four grown who are trying to set me up (I love them, but what a nightmare!!). What do single people do at 40 and over? So much of my time was taken up with caring for someone else that now I just don’t know how to fill that time. Any suggestions?


Thanks for highlighting an important principle for women over 40 seeking love:

You will not find it unless you do something differently.

You said it yourself. You’re new in town. Your friends are married. You don’t go to church. You won’t date online because it’s scary.

It’s about attracting men, understanding men, and making them want to stick around forever and ever. That’s what I do for my clients every single day.

What do you expect me to tell you? No, really. What?

Every day I get emails from women who want one-on-one dating coaching but don’t want to try online dating. I tell each one the same exact thing:

“If you’re dating a few men right now and can guarantee me that you’ll have at least one date a week for the duration of our time together, we can start coaching. If not, what exactly are we going to talk about for 12 weeks?”

They usually come back with a “Well, I thought, as a dating coach, you’d have some ideas on meeting men. Isn’t that what dating coaching is all about?”

No, that’s what articles in Marie Claire are all about:

“The Ten Top Spots to Meet Hot Guys!”

Here, I spared you the trouble of Googling it: The 14 Best Places to Meet Eligible Men

Without giving anything away, Loriann, here are the actual places that have been recommended by a site called AllWomensTalk: the bar, the market, online, church, the water cooler, newspapers, college, friends, the gym, restaurants, work, vacation, parks, airplanes.

Where does this leave you? Apparently, it means standing around a lot, hoping that a cute, age appropriate, interested single guy happens upon you at the bar, the market, college, the gym, restaurants, parks, and airplanes.

So if it’s not already abundantly clear, dating advice is not about WHERE to meet men. It’s about attracting men, understanding men, and making them want to stick around forever and ever. That’s what I do for my clients every single day.

As to where you meet men, yes, there’s one place that’s more effective in making introductions than 100 visits to Whole Foods and Art History class combined.

It’s called Match.com, it’s open 24 hours a day, and it costs a lot less than getting on a plane and hoping to sit next to a 45-year-old eligible bachelor.

…if you won’t go outside your comfort zone, I can pretty much assure you that nothing’s going to change.

I highly suggest you get over your fear of online dating, not because it’s perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but because it’s ubiquitous and effective in creating opportunity. Rather than dip your toe in the water and give up because you’re intimidated, I highly encourage you to check out Finding the One Online, in which I hold your hand through the entire online dating process, from getting over your fears, to choosing a website, to writing a profile, to flirting with men and so on.

You don’t have to be single if you don’t want to be, Loriann. But if you won’t go outside your comfort zone, I can pretty much assure you that nothing’s going to change.

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  1. 181
    Sydney Chase

    I am 57 and found some quality guys on EHarmony. I went between ages 45-70 and look to be in my late 30’s to mid 40’s, but all write to me. My issue is I want to be stable not have someone relying completely on me. I have been single for almost 38 years so I could handle it, but I don’t want to! They do not to take care of or are on SS so they do not want to provide either. Oh, well I will stick to my fantasies.

  2. 182

    I stumbled upon this article, and the conversation to follow.   I’m a 54 year old professional male, who has been married (no kids), and no bitterness towards my ex, love was there, just not right for life time partnership.   I’m active, healthy, happy and would love to meet a woman who (like me) is quite happy being single, but knows it would be even better with someone to share all of the special moments.   I’m considering going online (just to put myself out there), but also think just making the effort to do fun things out in the world where people who are interested in things that I am would gather.   As I’m interesting this, my goal is simple to have fun, meet interesting people (regardless if something happens romantically), and in the process of doing life…someone special will appear.   Well, that’s my strategy, good luck everyone…leave you all with a line I remember from a movie “we get the love we think we deserve”.

  3. 183

    All these comments are fascinating and make me realize online dating is definitely not for me. I’m recently seperated and in my late 40’s. And same as many on this blog, told i look like I’m in my late 30’s, as I’m in excellent shape, hit on by body builders and such, I’ll take my chances meeting a C.O. at work, or maybe join a gym to meet eligible men and friends when I’m ready. For now I’ll just keep my focus on staying toned and mastering the booty challenge workout. Godspeed to all the singles out there looking to find their ideal match.

  4. 184
    Carol-Ann Marie Mac Neil

    I tried on line dating for 4 years and it was awful! On line dating is dangerous and full of losers. Please stop encouraging women to try on line dating . Its one of the worst ways to meet men…good men!

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