Who Pays For The First Date?

A few years ago, I went out with a woman three times in a couple of weeks. We had great chemistry, and despite the fact that I was a customer service representative at JDate pulling in barely $30K, I’d paid for everything. First date was $60. Second date was $90. The third date was brunch the morning after the second date. She’d ordered a dozen bagels and then realized she’d forgotten her wallet. No big deal. An innocent mistake. She generously offered to pick up our next date.

She called me at work the following day to tell me of a play that sounded like fun. She said she was busy at work and asked if I could find out if there were tickets available. No problem. I called the theater and learned there were only six left. What’s a guy to do? No big deal, I bought a pair of tickets and figured she’d pick up dinner before we went out.

After our $40 meal, she put down her credit card and went to the bathroom. When she came back, she noticed that I didn’t put in my credit card to pick up or split the check. Upon which she glared at me and said, with a ton of venom and not a shred of irony: “What am I, your sugar mama?!”

Being generous, especially to someone you care about, is an incredible feeling – right up there, I’m told, with having everything paid for by someone else.

Yeah, being a guy isn’t always the most rewarding thing in the world. But what are you gonna do? I’ve stopped wondering about what’s “fair” and have decided to embrace the system I’ve inherited. In this system, a guy pays unquestionably, and if a woman offers to pay, he is supposed to say no. At least on the first few dates. Or as long as she’s being courted. Or maybe always. It depends on the woman. We can never know unless we let down our guard and allow her to pick up a check. And by then, it’s often too late to justify your behavior.

This is a quandary all right and there is no one right answer. Until now. As your friendly neighborhood single dating coach, I’m going to give you the definitive rulebook on how to negotiate this tricky territory, once and for all….


HER: He should WANT to pay for me.

Yes, and, generally, that is the case. Being generous, especially to someone you care about, is an incredible feeling – right up there, I’m told, with having everything paid for by someone else. The one time I forgot my wallet on a date, she gracefully picked up the check and told me not to worry. This was both extremely classy, and extremely appreciated.

HIM: She EXPECTS me to pay for everything.

Yes, and that’s the precedent that was established way before you were born. Don’t fight it, just do it with a smile, ’cause if you don’t, you ain’t getting another date.

HER: He SHOULD pay, especially at the beginning.

This logic is a little dicier. Why should a man pay? Because it’s chivalrous? Consider that chivalry started at a time when men worked and women didn’t. Women, literally, could NOT pay. Thus, men picking up the check sprung out of necessity, not out of kindness. It has since been codified into a gentleman’s code, which is considered in very poor taste to question. I’m not questioning, but see how angry you are that I’m even bringing it up?

HIM: But SHE asked me out.

So what? If etiquette says that you pay for the first date, and she expects you to pay for the first date, and you can afford to pay for the first date, then pay for the damn first date.

HER: It doesn’t matter what he makes. A gentleman always pays. It indicates how he feels about me.

If you offer to split, and he lets you split (or even pick up) the check, he has done absolutely nothing wrong.

If a guy makes a ton of money, I can assure you, it’s his absolute joy and pleasure to spring for every last drink and spa treatment. But there’s a big difference between being cheap and being poor. Cheap means the guy asks the woman to pay for the fish when he ordered the less expensive chicken. Poor means that the guy has trouble making rent if he has to pay for five dates in a month. Put yourself in his position: it’s hard to blame him for wanting to alternate checks.

My solution is, not surprisingly, an equivocation. Let’s all try to understand one another.

Guys, be as generous as possible, not only because she expects you to, but because it’s genuinely rewarding to “be the guy” and make life easier on her.

Women, be sympathetic to the grad student or schoolteacher that doesn’t have the means to be as chivalrous as he’d like. You may not be our sugar mamas, but please don’t take it for granted that we’re your ATM’s, okay?

Postscript: A version of this article was written five years ago. Since that time, I find myself in a much greater position to be generous. I remain sympathetic to men who can’t blindly pick up every single check.

My slightly revised position for who pays on a first date is this:

He grabs the check immediately.

She does the “fake reach.”

He waves her off and insists on paying.

She thanks him for his generosity.

End of scene.

Presuming the man can safely afford it, this script should play out on every date during the courting phase.


You, as a man, can’t get mad if she doesn’t make the offer to split. If you offer to take her out, expect to pay for the whole thing, and be pleasantly surprised if you don’t have to.

You, as a woman, can’t get mad if he accepts your reach. If you offer to split, and he lets you split (or even pick up) the check, he has done absolutely nothing wrong. It’s not a game or a test, unless you treat it like one.

One final, overriding note for men: It doesn’t matter if it’s coffee or dinner, whether you make more or she makes more, whether you asked her out or she asked you out. You can never go wrong by paying.

Join our conversation (311 Comments).
Click Here To Leave Your Comment Below.


  1. 91
    Katarina Phang

    Micahel, didn’t I say it wasn’t a matter of what place and how much you spend that would work with us women?  If your budget is limited, take us somewhere you can afford.  A coffee/drink will do too.  We get it that you want to feel us first and if I find you attractive enough on your profile I’ll go along with that.
    Then if there is a second date (which is really the actual first date perhaps), then you take her to a nice dinner.  But please, it’s tacky if you treat it like a business deal.  Just romance her and have a great time and pick the check, okay?
    That’s what quality women expect from a guy, no more and no less, no ifs and no buts.  That’s how we know how much interest you have in us.  If you don’t even pass the basic requirements like that, you’re not worth my time.

  2. 92

    If there is a second date (or “first date”, after the first meet online), yes yes indeed, I pick up the tab. I am a gentleman.
    My point is that I am chivalrous always–e.g., I hold the doors for old ladies even though I don’t plan on sleeping with them. I am also generous with the women I’ve date, but I have learned to be very careful in the beginning. I want to know that she is there for me, not for the dinner or play or whatever. And yes, **I want her investing her energy in this too, right from the beginning**. Having her buy me coffee on the first meet is a great test. If she is turned off by that, then I can move on to the next.

  3. 93

    Thank you Katarina and Selena for the kind words. That said, Katarina, even if I had all the money in the world, nice dinners are going to have to wait. She is going to have to earn that from me first. I will be creative though.
    No spending money in the hopes of impressing a woman.

  4. 94

    By “nice dinners” I mean “expensive dinners”. The best way to keep dating from feeling like a “business transaction” IMO is to spend as little as possible in the first place.

  5. 95
    Katarina Phang

    Micahel, I don’t think you will get far with that attitude with quality women: give me first and I will give back. If you don’t take the risk, don’t bother dating at all.  Both men and women take the risk (you paying, we dressing up/putting on make-up and wasting our time).  And as others said we pick up very quickly on that “cheap” vibe and move on very quickly.
    Quality women -and I’d like to think myself as one- treat the fact that we’re willing to put the effort to look good and spend time with you so we can see if we have a chemistry a privilege put aside only to few selected gentlemen.  If a man can’t even appreciate it and treat me like a lady, I’m really not interested, no matter what your reasoning is.  I’d rather just move on to a man who is less jaded.  There is no good news when a man starts with a wrong attitude like that.
    With the current man I’ve been dating the last 5 months: he pays every time we go out but I cook and do other things for him.  We women can and will give in our own feminine ways.

    1. 95.1
      Johhny B

      So what if you’re dressing up/looking good? That’s normal in the same way as not smelling bad or not burping, farting etc. This is general etiquette in socializing and not something you do strictly for the guy (who in turn comes well-shaved/groomed etc.)

      But the part about “wasting your time” gives it all away. You imply that your time and company is somehow more valuable than the mans and therefor it can be lost if he isn’t willing to pay you. Hell did i say implied? You’re admitting it straight out!

  6. 96

    Okay, these messages are intriguing. To Michael, how does a woman earn a nice dinner from you, and what do you consider a nice dinner to be?
    I like first meetings (if it’s from online dating or a brief, real life encounter) to be simple, like meeting at a coffee house or at a place for a light lunch. If this leads to a first date, I would expect the man to pay for everything, since he would have invited me to have a date with him. This is the same principle I use whenever I invite someone out or I let my children invite their friends to events. I always pay their way because they are the invited guest.
    However, I would never accept a date from a guy to simply have a free meal of any kind. That is crass and using a man. I can also take pretty good care of myself, too. I don’t need to stoop that low. I wouldn’t mind dates being fairly inexpensive, unless it’s a special occasion. If a man took me to an elite, upscale restaurant on our first date, I might wonder if he’d expect something in return ;), or that he might be trying to impress me with his money, which would not impress me at all. (This thought reminds me of my mom who dated a man for three months before she even realized he was driving her around in a Porsche.)
    Ultimately, dating is about the company you are with. And whoever does the inviting should also do the paying. Once our dating blossomed further into a relationship, I would cook special dinners and treat him to things that I’d know he liked.

  7. 97
    Karl R

    Katarina Phang, (#99)
    I’m getting less impressed with your responses. You equate getting dressed up and wearing makeup with paying for the date? You dress up and wear makeup when you go out with your girlfriends. Do you make the friend with no makeup and low-maintenance hair pick up your tab … just to keep things even?

    I also spend (and potentially waste) my time when I go on a first date, and I value my time as much as you value yours. I don’t mind paying for dates, but it takes a lot of chutzpah to suggest that it’s an act of equality.

  8. 98

    @Karl R., I’m not fixated on how much is being spent.  I’m put off by someone being so adamant about not having to pay anything at all.  My point is that most high school dates are still taking a girl out with the goal of showing her a good time, and they aren’t running a tab in their head.  Sorry if that makes me a princess, but I think that most of the advice on this blog tells women that a real man will court you and show that he wants to be with you.  How much that will cost, and whether or not that is a lot or a little bit of money is all relative perhaps to what we earn.
    Sorry if you and your girlfriend think that makes me sound entitled, but hearing someone over 30 rant about spending $10 is a turn off, and why you equate that with me thinking that a first date should take me to Nobu is BEYOND me.
    Michael was the one who made it really clear and was quite vocal about not spending money.  The truth is, most times, we don’t get to see what is inside someone’s head.  So yes, I’m fine with an economical meal, but Michael does not sound like a generous spirit, which makes all of the difference.  I can be super happy to get a hot dog and a soda with the right man, but I get the sense that some of the men who write in here rather angrily are keeping tabs on every dime.
    So for the record, it’s the combination of his attitude and his cheapness that is unappealing, and the fact that he wants to force a woman that he asked out to buy him a coffee as some kind of ridiculous test.
    I love creative, and if you are clever and open-minded, that can be inexpensive.  What I don’t like is cheap and mean.  Good for you if that is what we should be expecting from men that we just met, but it’s not what I happen to believe.

    1. 98.1

      One thing is for sure you’re not a girlfriend or wife material.  My father was broke when he got married for the second time.  Later on he ended up being a millionaire but nobody say that when they got married.

      It’s the same with most of my uncles they didn’t have much money.

      Western couples that are married have separate bank accounts.  This is what my parents told me and why I shouldn’t even date a western woman let alone marry one.  They told me western women only care about money and it’s not a team effort like my parents.  Women want separate bank account because they don’t want to spend their money.  They will expect men to continue to pay for all the bills.

      Many women expect men to make as much as they do or more or they aren’t interesting in marriage/dating.  And if he does make more and provides for her for a long time and when he loses his job all of a sudden he is mooching off her when she has been mooching from him for decades.


      This is why Tom Leykis teaches men not to date seriously.  Spend no more than $20, less is better though.  These men have no problems getting dates or have sex.


      Women have little to offer other than sex and sex isn’t enough.  Having a girlfriend is a waste of time.  I’m not bitter btw.  I just learn from other people’s mistakes and experiences.

      1. 98.1.1
        Evan Marc Katz

        Tom Leykis is the pied piper of angry misogynist who have shitty woman-pickers and then blame the entire female gender and make up rules about how to be a selfish asshole and still have a woman put up with you. You are one of his followers. And, like him, you don’t sound remotely happy, because happy people don’t spend their time going to blogs about love and insult everyone who is having more success. You’re just a hater, dude, and you have nothing constructive to offer the women here looking for relationships. So just go back to your mancave and continue pushing women for sex/blaming them for sex, and getting free dates/being turned off by low-self esteem/masculine energy/feminists who pay for first dates. Sounds like your system is really working well for you.

  9. 99

    Oh, meant to say “good for you (and your girlfriend) if that is what you both believe…

  10. 100
    Katarina Phang

    Karl, I”m just saying with your negative attitude that a woman might use you as a free meal ticket, you won’t go far.  I’m sorry I’d like to be courted.  I’d like to be respected and adored by chivalrous guys because I know my worth and if a guy can’t see that I have options it’s their loss ’cause I have no interest whatsoever in finding out about him further.
    Yes, I feel that my time (to dress up and spend a few hours to get ready and actually see him) is worth much more than any free food he offers.  That’s not why I go on a date.  I’d rather eat alone at home than using a guy for free meals when I know I won’t be interested.  I just got home from dating myself while I had options to get wined and dined by guys I have no interest in.
    Any guy who just assumes that most women will date anyone for free meals is a total turn off and it’s clear I’m out of his league.  They can try that with other women, not me.  Obviously this type of guys find a lot of women like this.  The question is why?  Like attracts like.

  11. 101

    All these responses are really interesting.  I’ll just weigh in enough to say; had a date on Thursday night with a guy (my age) and we split one dessert and drank water (my choice).  And then spent 2 hours talking to each other.   I’ll be seeing him again Saturday night.  It doesn’t have to actually cost anything. 

  12. 102

    Andrea and Katarina, sorry but my viewpoints serve me just fine. It’s women who think as you do that I’d actually prefer to weed out early, because it just wouldn’t work. Good luck with finding men who will buy into your “Princess” mentalities. I can’t and I won’t.
    I really like BeenThereDoneThat’s response!

  13. 103
    Katarina Phang

    And this is actually a quick/easy way for a woman to gauge a guy’s level of interest in her and what he might be like down the road.
    If you want a masculine man, simply stay in your feminine energy of receiving.  He needs to initiate, plan/pay for a date, treat you like a woman and make you feel taken cared of.  You set your boundaries early.  If he hesitates to spend on you on a first date, why can you expect from a guy like than down the road?
    It’s also a form of training to him that you are a high-valued woman (not high maintenance) that expect to be treated like a gem.  This is what works for you.  Unless you take it from him, he won’t understand and he will give you what you want/need in the relationship. The good news is when you’re happy and express it often, he’ll feel like your hero as well.  A happy woman makes a happy home.  And a man will appreciate things that he needs to work for.
    A woman who is too available (and accepting “going dutch” on a date is a form of being too available) poses no excitement/challenge for a masculine guy.  It takes away the “chase” thrill.  If he’s into you, he won’t care about who pays for coffee or if you chip in for tips.  He’ll be honored to have you as his company because you’re fun, sexy, smart, feminine and make him feel good as a man.  That’s worth much higher than the $10-20 he spends on you.  If a man is trying to tell you otherwise, run….run fast.  He’s not right for you.
    Sure, he wouldn’t know if you’re right for him on first date but don’t apologize that a guy needs to show some effort to be in a relationship with a woman of his desire.  It’s been like that for thousands of years.  I’m not sure why we need to change that now when it’s proven to be working for so long.

  14. 104
    Katarina Phang

    “Unless you take it from him, he won’t understand and he will give you what you want/need in the relationship.”

    Typo…I mean “he won’t understand and won’t give you what you want/need in the relationship.”

  15. 105
    Katarina Phang

    Michael, you’re so wrong to think I have a Princess mentality.  Quite the opposite.  I call it self-esteem.  And it is attractive to quality masculine guys.  If you don’t want a woman who values herself like that and set her standard high (and her boundaries firm), then you’ll end up with a masculine energy woman or a woman with fewer options.  Not that it’s wrong -to each his own- but I know what I want in a man.  A man who fusses about who pays for what on a first date isn’t for me.  He doesn’t turn me on so I won’t waste my time on a man like that.  He’s not masculine/generous enough for me -and I don’t ask for much.
    This is what my man says about me: “You remind me of the qualities I enjoy in a woman – fun, sexy, low maintenance, great cook, understanding, responsive, helpful, thoughtful … etc.”

    I’m very giving and because of that I expect the same in my man.  I don’t want to over give and get burned (depleted, resentful and bitter).  The first test is -and it’s very basic, very ordinary, a far cry from a Princess mentality charge (been done for thousands of years)- that a man courts me and shows some effort to get the privilege to know me better and get all the benefits of being with me.  If you see paying for first date as too much, there is no hope for you to be with a feminine woman who has everything to offer for you (unless you’re fine with a masculine energy woman who loves to take charge).

  16. 106

    I am of the opinion that the first ‘meet’ off the internet is best to be short and sweet and very simple. After all, the two people don’t even know each other. Going to a long dinner, whatever the cost, and then coffee, is too much too soon.

    I also think that spending too much money too soon hurts the man’s chances in a woman’s eyes. A man taking a woman out because he expects something in return doesn’t feel good.

    So its not really the money, its what’s appropriate for that stage in dating, courtship AND the spirit in which the woman is asked. Which leads to Katarina’s comments which I agree with.

    Ultimately though talking about a first meet off the internet is different than the second time they go out which is different than the sixth month of dating.

    1. 106.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      For what it’s worth, I think that:

      1) Dates should NOT be short, sweet, and simple. They should be dates – fraught with nervousness, excitement, booze and the potential for romance.
      2) Guys should NOT spend a lot of money, nor should they cheap out. Two rounds of drinks should suffice at an atmospheric bar near her home.
      3) If you’re thinking of making a date into the cheapest possible endeavor for the shortest period of time, what that tells me about you is that you DON’T expect to have a good first date, so you’re minimizing your investment.

      I, on the other hand, ALWAYS expected to have a good time, because I spent a week emailing and talking on the phone prior to meeting. So my first dates often felt like second dates. And I was able to forge real emotional (and physical) intimacy and be the BEST first date she ever had, instead of being the latest in a series of generic coffee dates. All by spending a few more days time screening and flirting before date #1.

      This approach is in Volume 5 of my Finding the One Online audio series, and since I don’t hear anyone here echoing my thoughts, I figured I’d throw that out there.

      Seriously, y’all. Dating’s supposed to be FUN, not a fucking interview.

  17. 107
    Katarina Phang

    Evan, as always, I love your response.  And I agree that if a guy is so worried about each dime spent on dates, then screen your potential dates stringently.  That way you have a feel of her before deciding if you want to spend your hard-earned $10 on her.  That’s why I asked “do you screen them”?  A reason a guy is so jaded into thinking that most women are just after free meals is because they’re just shooting in the dark (they’re like a kid in a candy store, perhaps).
    Be selective.  It applies for both men and women.  Even when I don’t have to pay for dates, I get burned too if I have been on a lot of dates that I don’t particularly enjoy cause of lack of chemistry or the guys are just plain boring.  That is my investment too.  That doesn’t make me want to just go out with any dude so I can have free $10 meals. 😮
    But I do try to have a good time each time I decide to go out on a date (and I genuinely would like to see if we have chemistry so i will accept offer for coffee/drink).  Even when I do, I can only do twice a week, usually, at the most.  A lot of times I have to take a break (weeks without any) if I don’t find anyone interesting to go out with.
    If both start without assumptions that the other is just trying to take advantage of them, they will eventually attract the kind of person that is right for them.  This is law of attraction, plain and simple.

  18. 108

    Katarina, OK to what you are saying, but what you might not be understanding is that *men* have to *screen women* too. This is coming from experience–I’ve made the mistake of ‘giving too much too soon’ on a first date.
    Anyway, I like Evan’s approach of screening/flirting over email/text/phone, and then having that lead to a “better” first date. The thing with a generic “coffee/drinks” first-meet is that, well, it’s generic. The woman will stand out anyway if she is pretty. What can a guy do to stand out with this format though?

  19. 109

    Michael, I can’t believe you are still on the market.  Why hasn’t someone snapped you up yet?

  20. 110

    I strive to make every interaction with any person a fun, interesting one. That’s from my friends to a date to someone sitting next to me on the train (if I choose to interact that is).

    The problem with email/IM/phone conversations is they set up a lot of projection, especially I think on women’s part. Nothing really matters until the 2 people are in front of each other. We are human and are meant to court in person. I have had many really good conversations up front, screened, been excited, then met the person and was disappointed there was no chemistry. To have to sit through a 3 hour date with them is too much. Its not that they are bad people or not nice and interesting, but I would rather be home doing my thing.

    I have done a lot of internet meetings and then dating. Over the past year or so, they have been one hour or so drink/appetizer meetings. They have always led to second dates if I wanted them, so I must be doing something right! What I have found is a smaller commitment of time that I can better handle, more of a sense of mystery about the guy (which is very attractive, especially if there is some physical attraction) and less burnout. I also feel less burden on me because he is not investing a lot on his side because more likely than not, I am not ‘feeling’ it for the guy.

    My attitude has changed from thinking I am meeting ‘the one’ based on good electronic or phone calls to simply just meeting someone I might never meet in real life.

    Short and sweet and simple is the way I have found works for me, afterall what’s the hurry in investing too much too soon? What’s the harm in a friendly drink and conversation for an hour versus having to fake it through three hours? If there are sparks, its fun to have the man ask for a second date which is more substantial and because both people really want to be there.

  21. 111

    @Michael17 # 113

    What can a guy do to stand out with this format though?”

    Be interesting (and interested) to talk with.

  22. 112


    Katarina, I 100 percent agree with your post. What I hear in a lot of the posts is like dating a business transaction and petty. I don’t need a man buying me dinner at applebees, I can do that on my own. Its absolutely nothing about the mechanics, its about the energy and attraction and generocity of spirit of two people meeting.

    You are right in that if she is not in her feminine energy, a woman who sits in her masculine energy is who they will attract. Male is about doing and giving and female is about being and receiving. If I am not seeing that from the outset, there will be no more dates.

  23. 113

    Michael, IMHO, meeting at Chili’s is about as generic as a date can possibly be. I love comfortable, stylish, one-of-a kind neighborhood cafes for first meet ups; not the local Starbucks.

  24. 114

    Men who complain about having to pay for a dinner date typically date too many women, usually for shallow reasons. If you only ask women out based on their physical appearance, you will have a higher number of dates which go nowhere. Furthermore, if you actually take a few minutes to get to know your potential date’s likes and dislikes, you can easily suggest something a little more interesting (and cheaper) than the standard dinner date. That takes effort of course, something complaining men are not willing to do.
    One of my favorite dates a year ago was a 10 mile night time bike ride to Coney Island to watch fireworks.  Total cost: $1.50 for a beer. Get to know the women you date. Perhaps she was an art history major who would love to see a special exhibit at your local museum. Maybe she loves hiking. But if all you do is look at a pretty picture on the internet and seek dates solely on that, all you can do is extend a dinner invite.

  25. 115

    So yes, I’m fine with an economical meal, but Michael does not sound like a generous spirit, which makes all of the difference.  I can be super happy to get a hot dog and a soda with the right man, but I get the sense that some of the men who write in here rather angrily are keeping tabs on every dime.
    Exactly my thoughts. I think most reasonable women can tell the difference between a good date that happens to be inexpensive, and a cheap date in which the man is going out of his way to spend the least amount of money possible because of some subconscious passive-aggressive dislike of women in general.
    In my world, if our date is $10 because the man found out that there’s a free concert in the park featuring music that I like and then we buy food off a cart at the concert, that date is AWESOME. First, it shows that he was listening to me when I mentioned that I liked, say, jazz, and then he used some initiative to find a jazz event. The second date I had with my guy cost about $10 — the price of sandwiches — but we had a picnic on the lawn of a historical site that we went to visit. Again, GREAT date.
    Or, if it costs $10 to eat at a really cool Thai, Cuban, Vietnamese or other ethnic restaurant, that probably will earn a man points as well — considering that he likely asked what type of food I enjoyed and then did a little research to find a place (or took me to a favorite that he enjoys as well).
    That’s completely different from a man picking the most generic, simplistic and cheap restaurant possible to “test” a woman to see if she’s “worthy” of, oh, another cheap date… and another cheap date before he then decides her worthy enough of a $30 meal. Now, I know in the Midwest, South and some other areas, Chili’s and Applebees might be the only things going… but if I live near a vibrant city with lots of entertainment and dining options, I’d like to see a late-30s/early 40s man showing a bit more initiative than picking the most quick and cheap option.
    When I went on a date, I was looking to enjoy myself that day, regardless of whether a second date happened, and I hoped to be with a man who had the same thoughts. This whole, “make a first date quick, cheap and painless,” mindset is a turn-off, and luckily I didn’t encounter it much when I was dating. For the few who were like that, I didn’t bother with a second date, even if I supposedly passed their “tests.”
    (Oh, and I did have four dates with a man who took me to two coffee dates before we did dinner. I was okay with that because we had barely talked on the phone or by e-mail, and the coffee dates were a good way for us to talk.)

  26. 117

    Is “princess” the new b-word these days?  LOL
    The funny thing to me though is that in my days of always being accommodating and settling for the least amount of effort because I didn’t want to be seen as a “princess,” I ended up finding the worst men and getting, well, little effort.
    When I started setting a few more standards, shocker of all shockers, I met more men who really enjoyed taking a woman out on a nice (and nice doesn’t equal expensive) date and didn’t hold a penny-pinching mentality.
    Maybe it’s just me, but I noticed in real life that the women that got called “princesses” the most seemed to eventually end up with the type of men that they wanted… and those men thought they were the luckiest ones in the world.

  27. 118

    Interesting debate. I guess *everyone* disagrees with me here! =)
    All I am suggesting is that the man conserves his resources the first few dates until he knows the woman better. Use creativity instead of cash to come up with something great, I don’t care how much money the guy has. I fact, the more money he has, the more he needs to be creative.

    Ladies, harp on me for saying this, but guys do indeed need to watch being taken advantage of too, and that might happen if they throw their resources around too freely. Katarina, you might not be “like that” I have several stories of women who are seeing a couple rich guys who take them out on their boats, and who are only sleeping with one guy who doesn’t do any of this stuff for them. Fellas reading this, you do not want to be those rich guys!
    I’ve gotten much more shrewd on this from even a year ago. The big test for me on this is whether she seems willing to invest/how receptive she seems. For all the talk about masculine energy/feminine energy (which I do see), I’m seeing that a guy can be masculine and a woman feminine if the guy has the girl invest. My last internet date: We met somewhere inexpensive and classy (Thai place) and got dinner. I drove 45 minutes to her 10 (I told her that as the man, it is my role to drive to see her and that I wanted to be chivalrous) and I picked up the check–came to under $30 so no big deal. After dinner I suggest we get coffee. I lead us there because knew where the place was via Google. I tell her (with a smile) that I drove all this way for her, so she’s buying me coffee for my drive back. She happily agrees. I get a latte AND a very nice kiss goodnight.
    I love, luv, SS and vox’s posts! (For the record, I never told anyone to take their dates to Chilis or Applebees. I did say be creative but don’t spend a lot of money.) Awesome first dates. Smart smart men.

  28. 119

    If I sensed that a guy felt he had done me a favor, by driving all the way to see me and take me to dinner, and upon initiating a suggestion for coffee, tell me (even with a smile) that I was going to buy him coffee for his drive back, that would be our last date. You are not being chivalrous nor generous, if you’re willing to drive to her on your dime, but not also return in the same manner. It shouldn’t be a tit for tat transaction. I’d go along with the game, but not be interested in a second date.
    As for the rich guys, they know what they’re getting in for with those kinds of women. They stroke their egos, ogle over their boats, and if they’re not sleeping with them, the men keep flashing their worth in hopes that they will. No sympathy here.

  29. 120

    Denise #115, I agree. And most definitely, some of the best dates cost almost nothing, if anything. I love free date ideas. I am passionate about art, like photography. Heading out to a park or the beach, strolling a historic street to snap a few shots and have an ice cold drink is wonderful. Such a great way to relax, while taking in a sunset.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *