Why Does My Older Boyfriend Kick Me Out Before His Kids Wake Up? Give Me Some Relationship Advice!


Thanks for all your great writings and teachings. I have a question for you.

I am seeing a guy for almost 4 months now, I am 25 and he is 39. He has 2 teenage kids (boys) and we have been introduced to each other.

When I sleep over at his house he wakes me early in the morning and takes me home before they wake. I don’t do it too often when they are there as it is not nice sneaking out.

Is this a sign that he doesn’t want me as a girlfriend? Could there be other issues involved?

I did ask him about it and he just said “How would I feel if you woke up and there’s a female in the house?” Not really an answer, huh?

The other thing is that he doesn’t introduce me to all his friends and family as his girlfriend, as he tells me he is taking this opportunity to get to know me better and if I feel comfortable to introduce him as my boyfriend to my friends it’s fine with him. He tells me every time he sees me how much he really likes me and enjoys spending time with me and how much he misses me. He is a really great guy and anyone will be happy with him I am just afraid of losing him.

I just feel it’s not enough to make me feel secure, should I even be feeling insecure that he wouldn’t stay around?

I really don’t know what to think, please help.



There are any number of reasons why a man would protect his children from his new girlfriend.

Aw Meagan,

I’ve got good news and I’ve got bad news. Which do you want first?


The good news is that you’ve got nothing to worry about in relation to his children. As I mentioned recently, a client of mine was having the same exact issue with her older boyfriend and his teenage son.

What I told her was that as long as her boyfriend was treating her well — with consistency and kindness — the fact that she hadn’t yet met his son has far more to do with his son that it has to do with her.

If the son is judgmental, if the son is emotional, if the son wants Mom and Dad to get back together, if the son is jealous that Dad is happy, if the son is a contrary teenage boy, if the son has seen Dad parade a variety of women through his life and gotten too attached…there are any number of reasons why a man would protect his children from his new girlfriend.

The problem is that you’re seeing this as a slight to you. It’s no surprise. You’re human; of course you’re going to think about how it affects you. But the truth is, incorporating the new girlfriend into the family is a very delicate situation. My forty and fiftysomething clients have given me quite an education on how complex it can be.

Plenty of reasonable men shield their sons from new girlfriends — especially if the girlfriend is only 10 years older than the kids.

If that’s your biggest issue with him, I told my client, you truly have an amazing relationship. And it’s true, she does. Her man is an amazing communicator, a great dad, and an understanding boyfriend. He just doesn’t fully comprehend how keeping her from his family makes her feel insecure. But as she gets more comfortable in the relationship, she’s starting to understand two things: 1) it’s not just about what she wants, 2) if she’s patient and a good communicator, she WILL get what she wants. This is Dale Carnegie’s, “How to Win Friends and Influence People” in action. By being an amazing girlfriend, her boyfriend will soon realize that he WANTS to share her with his son.

Which brings me back to you, Meagan. Here’s the bad news:

I’m guessing you’re never going to meet the son.

I’m guessing that you’re the cute younger girl that he’s “seeing” right now.

I’m guessing that by the time you read this, your heart will already be broken.

Hey, I could be wrong. I just know that after 4 months, you should be talking in terms of “boyfriend/girlfriend” and if he’s hesitant to do so, it says a lot more about your relationship than the teenage sons thing.

Plenty of reasonable men shield their sons from new girlfriends — especially if the girlfriend is only 10 years older than the kids. Not too many men can date a woman for 4 months and not call her a girlfriend — unless, of course, they don’t intend on her being a girlfriend.

My recommendation is to prepare yourself for a new boyfriend, closer to your age, who is absolutely crazy about you.

Good luck.

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  1. 42

    I totally understand the “out before kids wake up” thing too. In fact, I agree, it’d probably be even better if he wouldn’t have her over for the night at all when kids are around. Personally, I could never pull it off – my house is too small and my teenage kids are up at all hours of the night.
    #25: “I would think the tendency to bothered by this would lessen with age, and his kids are teenagers.”
    Um, no. For one thing, precisely because they’re teenagers, they have a tendency to be bothered with, oh, pretty much anything. For another, I’m in my 40s and I still wouldn’t want to catch my parents in the act. I know they might still be doing it – heck, I want them to still be doing it – I just don’t want to see or hear any of it. Some things are better left unwitnessed 😉
    And, I totally agree with Evan, that, at 39, this man has probably had quite a number of relationships that lasted 4 months or longer, and does not feel the need to overwhelm his kids by introducing them to every new gf that comes along.

  2. 43

    @ Selena #38 – Your advice is spot on! Good old fashioned communication…what a concept!   I was thinking the same thing and am glad you posted so eloquently.

  3. 44

    Thank you. 🙂

  4. 45

    Hi Everyone

    I am that Meagan that Evan replied to. The guy that i wrote about left me after 5 months and i was heartbroken.
    I was heartbroken. I was actually distraught! He did introduce me to his friends and Family (Mother and Father). After I met them he just disappeared. He gave me no reason as to why he left or that he was leaving he just vanished!!!   I thought there was a problem with me. I lied around for months hoping he’d come back cus everything was good with us, but he never did. I saw the son with a female which I assumed was his mother. So they never do vanish without a reason.
    So to cut a long story short, I pulled myself together and saw other guys my age that didn’t want to even be without me and kept telling me they enjoyed my company and they were the ones that wanted a relationship with me. But it wasn’t what I wanted cus I wanted ME time for myself!
    During this time I had heard nothing from this guy.
    1 year had passed and he made contact with me. He now lets me sleep over and the teenage kids (16 and 21), actually sees me in the morning. He has asked me what I wanted but I responded I know what I want, as I’m leaving to work on a cruise liner for 18 months (2 contracts). I asked him what does he want and he says he knows what he wants. And it’s better that way cus then it’s not like you doing something cus the other wants it. He said he would wait for me. It still doesn’t promise anything, but I’m trying to practice what Evan says enjoy the present with him. And if he didn’t like or enjoy spending time with me, why would he come back and wait for me?
    Should I be asking more questions?
    I don’t also enjoy dwelling in the past everyone has life lessons to learn and have people in the meatime to learn this, I believe that time apart was for me to learn lessons and maybe to fill that age gap and for him to get closure with his past.
    Thanks Evan

  5. 46

    Why is she dating a 39 year old guy. Is there a shortage of men around her own age?

    1. 46.1

      Have you met any 25-year old men lately? LOL

  6. 47

    How is this possible?
    Why is she having sex with him when he has not made a commitment to her?
    My gf made me wait 5 months before having sex. She said she wont have sex unless its a serious committed relationship.

  7. 48

    OMG Meagan. Why did you go back to this guy after all he’d put you through? Why, why?
    You’re leaving for 18 months and won’t be available to chat or skype with him for most of that time (at least, I assume you won’t be on a cruise liner). I’d advise you to use that time to have new experiences, meet new people, learn new things about yourself, and get over him. Geez. Who disappears without a trace and then comes back a year later like nothing happened, and expects commitment? from a woman 14 years his junior, no less? Guy’s got nerve.

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