Why Don’t Men Hate Being Single As Much As Women Do?

Why Don’t Men Hate Being Single As Much As Women Do?
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Dear Evan,

Why don’t men hate being single as much as women do? I know you say most men are marriage-minded underneath but they seem much less interested in getting into a stable, committed relationship than women do, and seem to drag their heels.

Some of the things I hate about being single are (in no particular order): lack of love, affection and emotional support; not having someone to go on vacation with; not having someone to share domestic tasks with; being excluded from social gatherings because I don’t have a partner; not having someone to talk to at home on a day to day basis; having to cope with the financial burden of being single (apartment, bills etc.); not having a regular source of quality sex available.

Surely these things apply to men just as much as women? If this is the case, why aren’t men jumping up and down with excitement when they meet someone they connect with, like we are? Why aren’t they just as keen as we are to know “where things are going” early on in the relationship? A lot of men my age seem uninterested in a committed relationship, seeming to prefer a more casual “low investment, low return” approach to relationships. Do men actually ENJOY the endless tedium and stress of going on a string of disappointing dates? Or does it all simply come down to the capriciousness of the female orgasm – since men can have an orgasm with practically anyone, they don’t much care who they’re with, whereas if a woman finds someone who’s actually good in bed she’s desperate to hang on to him?! Your insights would be much appreciated.   -Elaine

Dear Elaine,

Love. This. Question.

I particularly love your list of what sucks about being single. As a guy who was single for 35 years, I completely agree and think that — all things remaining equal — having a good relationship is a far superior state of being than being alone.

(This does not mean that I look down on single people or think you should be in an unsatisfying relationship so, please, spare me the complaints.)

My assistant says it’s because when they’re single, they can play video games and watch porn, and if they got a girlfriend, she’d insist they give up one or both.

But what gets me the most excited, Elaine, is that you’ve forced me to consider something that I’ve never actually considered before:

Why Don’t Men Hate Being Single As Much as Women Do?

My assistant says it’s because when they’re single, they can play video games and watch porn, and if they got a girlfriend, she’d insist they give up one or both.

Funny, but probably not the entire picture.

So, together, let’s consider why men are generally cooler with being single than women:

1. Low investment, low return. As I observed in “Why He Disappeared”, this tends to be the way that men deal with most of their relationships. When a man hangs out with another man, he’ll watch sports, play poker, talk trash, grab a few drinks, and maybe talk about whether he’s hooking up. This takes care of most of a man’s basic needs — for companionship, for laughs, for fun.

Men are more likely to define themselves by their careers — What do I do? How much do I earn? What kind of car do I drive? How big is my TV?

As I look at that list, it occurs to me that most of my clients who are perfectly content being single are satisfied with their female friendships. My mom, for example: she volunteers at the hospital, she tap dances in the musical at her clubhouse, she plays canasta with the girls twice a week, she does Sudoku in her garden, she’s on the party-planning committee… and while she misses a travel companion, movie companion and regular sex, life is pretty much okay as it is.

I just think there are more men than women who are okay with low-investment, low-return, that’s all. Which brings us to…

2. Self-definition. Men are more likely to define themselves by their careers — What do I do? How much do I earn? What kind of car do I drive? How big is my TV?

This is unfortunate and short-sighted because nobody dies thinking that he wishes he had a 72” Sony instead of a 64” Vizio. But hey, that’s men.

Women, who are, in general, more emotional and intuitive, are more likely to define their lives by their relationships. So when they lack a partner, they’ll be disproportionately sadder than men, who just bury themselves in more work and (sometimes) play.

Then again, many of my smart, strong, successful clients also bury themselves in their work for a decade, and emerge from their cocoon of success and travel, only to learn that they’re really, really lonely. I can only imagine there are millions of women who haven’t contacted me who continue to immerse themselves in that worldview that success and accomplishment matters more than love. Which brings us to…

3. Communication styles. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: men need more help; women ask for more help. And nowhere is that clearer than in the realm of relationships.

A few thoughts off the top of my head:

– Over twice as many women take anti-depressants, compared to men. I remember reading somewhere that it was about 1 in 6 women vs. 1 in 48 men.

– 90% of the self-help market in bookstores is for women. Seriously, apart from “The Game” have you ever seen a relationship book for men that’s sold in airport bookstores?

– Women maintain closer friendships throughout life. My mom talks to her best friend every day. She has friends who talk to their daughters every day. I’m as sensitive as they come and I talk to my best friends in New York about once a month.

In other words, even if men feel the emotional need to connect, they rarely reach out to do so — with each other, with their families, and with you.

Women talk about their feelings with much greater frequency and intensity, further feeding the perception/reality that they care more about relationships.

4. Sex — Perhaps Charlie Sheen said it best, years ago, when talking about his predilection for prostitutes: “I don’t pay them for sex. I pay them to leave.”

There are a decent number of men out there who don’t really desire the same kind of relationship as you do. Their needs are met by their male friendships and their careers and the last thing they want to do is hold your purse when shopping at Nordstrom.

You can tell who these men are because when they’re not with you, you don’t exist. They’ll call you once a week to hook up and that’s all. These guys play on their terms, not yours and are a total waste of time to any woman trying to forge something real and lasting. It’s like trying to teach a fish to ride a bicycle. In my experience, there are very few women who treat men as if they’re good for nothing but sex.

So yeah, a man’s ability to separate sex and love is another valid reason he’s not terribly upset when he’s single.

The last thing men want to do is hold your purse when shopping at Nordstrom.

5. Expectations about relationships. I think this is the most important point of all. Women expect their relationships to be transcendent. They expect the man to illuminate and inspire. You remember “Eat, Pray, Love,” right? “You don’t need a man. You need a champion.”

Guys don’t work that way. We want someone who is attractive, who doesn’t criticize us or tell us how much we need to change, who we can spend lots of time with without getting bored, who we can bring around our friends and families with minimal incident.

You don’t have to play fantasy football.
You don’t have to make six figures.
You don’t have to have washboard abs.
You don’t have to have an M.B.A.
You don’t have to be spiritual.

As a result, most men can date lots of women.

Women — at least my clients – can only date .0001% of men.

Elizabeth Gilbert, in her follow-up to “Eat, Pray, Love,” called “Committed”, explores these outlandish expectations that Western women have for love — which are nothing like what women in other cultures experience. As a result, Western women are very disappointed in their men, whereas men aren’t nearly as disappointed in women.

In other words, we think you’re fine as you are.

We just hate the fact that you need us to change so much.

As a result of all of these biological and societal observations about men, it shouldn’t be too surprising that there are no Time Magazine cover stories or best-selling books about desperate men.

We can separate sex and love, we define ourselves by our work, we don’t lack dating options, we get 95% of our needs met without female companionship, and we don’t talk about relationships nearly as much.

If there’s anything I missed, please let me know. Guys, please chime in here. Why are you okay not being in a relationship — and how is this different than the women you know?

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Comments:

  1. 901
    Emma

    I believe well-adjusted people, both men and women want the same thing. Maybe men just talk about their emotional needs less and that’s fine. When he’s with the guys, he puts on a different face. When he’s home with a good woman, he can relax completely and be accepted as he is. That’s an important balance to have

    The men here who say they’re happier single, are citing past bad relationships. Men are actually terribly hurt when a relationship ends, just like women. So they try to act tough. For these men, being single is the lesser of two evils. Many men cannot process subtle emotions so they imagine all women are the same.

    The women (eg the one who wrote this question to Evan), who say they’re happier in a relationship, are thinking about all the positives in having a partner. They think not all men are the same, that most men have potential to be a good partner. We just need to work things out on a case by case basis!

  2. 902
    TheForeigner

    Having grown up surrounded by a good amount of happy marriages (granted, I am not from the US), I never expected US men to be so apathetic about relationships.

    I am not saying that women are perfect, but truly, US men are so jaded that I have lost any interest of being in a relationship myself. It does sadden me because I know how much better it is to be in a good and healthy relationship than simply being single. Contrary to what some men say in this forum, the men who were in the best and most stable relationships and really committed to their marriages and family were actually the most successful with their money and businesses as well, whereas the ones less interested in marriage or monogamy seemed to spend their money more frivolously and be more impulsive (leading to less wealth). They also seemed to be lazier and in many cases achieve less in their careers.

    Anyway, I live in the US, and it sucks, but I guess I will be single forever by choice. Honestly, just like US men criticize women for not being worth it, it is hard to find an American man that is worth it. If I am lucky I might just meet a foreigner someday, otherwise, I rather be alone.

    And by the way, I’m 31 and have no debt, other than my house which I’m actually paying extremely fast (and no, I don’t even have to rent a room to a roommate, I like my privacy), I left my parent’s house at 21 and bought my first home at 24, and I keep meeting American men who are older than me and own no property, or have crappy jobs, or still live with their parents (so no, the single men aren’t out there becoming the wolves of Wallstreet), they’re not even good looking, and they don’t even want to commit! Lol. They want a woman who has everything together, just to have fun,  get some sex, live with their parents and still think they are the prize and don’t even want to commit. I’m sorry, but these men suck.

  3. 903
    Kai

    I feel like I’m the abnormal women. I’m comfortable with being single.  I went through a phase of wanting the relationship, and wanting marriage and kids and it might have been from the pressure of family and even my 6 year old daughter or feeling like I needed love and affection and a dinner buddy. I swear it felt the worst. It might have been because I wasn’t getting what I thought I would get after putting myself out there. I started to think very negative the more I thought about these things and they didn’t happen. So I stopped thinking about it and stopped allowing myself to let other’s curiosity on why I wasn’t married or the pressure get to me. And I bought a puppy for the little one. Not purposely for this reason, but I have noticed she hasn’t asked for siblings as much as she did in the past.

    I’ve learned that I need to enjoy what time I have being single or even a single mother of one. I look at my parents and other couples and their relationship, the good and the bad. Being with someone is very rewarding, but I do feel like finding yourself and enjoying yourself during those single times is super important and it sets you up a little better when entering into a relationship.

  4. 904
    Persephone

    Kai, you not abnormal at all. Most single women I know are quite happy being single. In my opinion, the headline of this blog is quite erroneous. I see far more indications that women are happier single than married.

    Consider this clip from a link I posted below;

    Heterosexual marriage is an unequal institution. Women on average do more of the unpaid and undervalued work of households, they work more each day, and they are more aware of this inequality than their husbands. They are more likely to sacrifice their individual leisure and career goals for marriage.

    Marriage is a moment of subordination and women, more so than men, subordinate themselves and their careers to their relationship, their children, and the careers of their husbands.
    ….[M]arried women are less happy than single women and less happy than their husbands, they are less eager than men to marry, they’re more likely to file for divorce and, when they do, they are happier as divorcees than they were when married (the opposite is true for men) and they are more likely than men to prefer never to remarry.
    The only reason this is surprising is because of the torrent of propaganda we get that tells us otherwise.

    Common sense tells me that the above is true. Marriage is not that good of a deal for women. It’s a great deal for men, who get all this free labor. What’s in it for women to get married? We women are expected to get careers anyway, while the husband is emotionally unavailable hooked on video games non-stop.

    https://www.businessinsider.com/society-should-stop-pretending-marriage-makes-women-so-happy-2017-1

     

    1. 904.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      Persephone – talk to a happily married woman before you post such broad ignorance. My wife doesn’t do interviews, but I’m pretty sure you know some woman who’d much rather be married than single. Ask her why, and stay away from these foolish stereotypes that all husbands are selfish, emotionally unavailable gamers.

  5. 905
    Persephone

    Evan, characterizing this as “broad ignorance” is disrespectful to not only me, but to many others.   The definition of ignorance is   “unfamiliarity with, inexperience with, lack of knowledge about, lack of information about..”     I am an attorney.   I talk to many people who seek a divorce, who are going through a divorce, or had gone through a divorce.   I see the heartache it causes, therefore my curiosity is more than average regarding this issue of marriage versus the single life. I am far from being “broadly ignorant” about this matter.

    Please be careful that you do not become a “true believer.”   I borrowed this term from law enforcement, applying it here only to the extent of it meaning those hard-core believers with deeply held, rigid beliefs that they consider completely justified in absolute and complete condemnation of those to do not believe.    

    There are always women who are going to want to be married. I for one would most likely be more happily married to the  right  man that being single, but I consider myself as the exception. I will always be able to find “a” happily married woman somewhere.   There are plenty of them around.   But there are plenty more who question what marriage has in it for them.   Since you are generally marketing your services to women who want to be married or to have a long term relationship, that’s who you would wish to address on this blog. However I don’t see the advantage of denying that marriage can have a great number of disadvantages to women.   These said disadvantages are the manifestations of an overall disrespect toward the female gender, the same one that inspired the “me too” movement.

    I often counsel young women that they would fare better being married than just living with their boyfriends.   Women must believe in themselves enough to demand better.

  6. 906
    No Name To Give

    It’s funny how each gender points fingers at the other for all of their flaws when really, all of these shortcomings are part of the human condition. Neither men nor women have the market cornered on being flawed creatures.

    1. 906.1
      Persephone

      No Name To Give #906, yes you are so correct, and I hope Neo Conn #907 sees your comment.

      “Women take advantage of their men.”

      ” … but few women are that smart…”

       

      Poor fella and his personality disorder.   I know women who talk ttis bad about men, also.   I do not   like it either direction.

       

  7. 907
    Neo Conn

    Women take advantage of their men. Smart women at least return equal effort, but few women are that smart. As long as taking advantage of men remains easier than being a real friend, partner and lover, then eventually a man will go find what he’s not getting at home. A divorce or two, and a man has had enough trouble and strife in his life and avoids it like the plague.

    1. 907.1
      No Name To Give

      Again, neither gender has the market cornered on this.

  8. 908
    Molly

    Hmmm. I understand why most people would believe this is true. Yet I am a woman that has never had the desire to change her man. Just stay the guy you were when you caught me. Don’t be someone you’re not to win me over then go to who you are after you’re secure. Give me sex and some affection and u can play video games, hang out with the guys and go fishing. I could give a rip. I’ll do my thing you do yours and meet somewhere in the middle. I don’t want u to change. Just respect me, respect yourself, pick up the mess u make and for God sake…make some food for yourself! Lol! Not all women want u to change.

    Too many guy friends of mine are not that happy single. Just to point it out. I’ve heard them say how non fulfilling it is after awhile. So I guess it largely depends on the man or woman.

     

  9. 909
    RMR

    This is very disappointing. Deep down I wish my lowly view of men would be challenged by positive male attributes, but this article just solidifies the bitter truth I’ve known since my abusive childhood. How in the world are men & women supposed to be a family when they think, feel, & believe so differently? Looks like a recipe for disaster, heartache, and miserable children. In the end I’m glad I chose the single life. Better to be lonely than trapped and miserable.

  10. 910
    Persephone

    One of my clients is a university student who was brutally beaten by her jealous boyfriend. He ripped off all of her clothes so that she was completely naked in order to shame her naked body in front of a crowd of people. He kept pointing at   places on her   perfect   body telling her how fat and ugly she is and that she needed to go to the gym.   He broke her arm and gave her a concussion. I fear that the fraternity boy will receive the lightest sentence possible, pay court costs and have all   charges dismissed.

    Meanwhile this girl will leave the university for the remainder of the semester if not permanently, and experience trauma and possibly lifelong PTSD. The boy will get to finish out his semester,   and then go on to get his degree in criminal justice with a career in law enforcement, when he should have had a felony charge to prevent him from completing that particular course of study.

    This is a true story, and it is indicative of the misogyny of our society. The reason women hate being single is because women are taught that they have no value standing on their own two feet. Any woman that understands her self-worth would never date a boy who treats women as if they are a disgusting object, whose only value depends on there pleasure or displeasure. We women should realize that we have value even if we are not connected to a man.

    1. 910.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      Awful story. However, I don’t see anyone anywhere defending the boyfriend. This is like taking Jeffrey Dahmer and saying “this is what men are like.” Except it’s not. It’s an egregious example than weakens a valid argument about the perils of everyday misogyny. You can’t expect regular men to listen if you compare them to violent criminals.

      1. 910.1.1
        Persephone

        If you don’t see anyone anywhere defending the boyfriend it’s because you’re not looking. This is a conversation you really need to pay attention to, Evan. This is a criminal charge that should have been bumped up to a felony, but they gave him a slap on the hand. No one is saying that all men are like this, or even that all fraternity boys are like this. What is being said is that we have a well-established system   where 1.) male perpetrators   are more protected than female victims;   and 2. ) there is an effort in society is a whole to groom females that their value is nothing unless   they are   a wife, partner a biblical “helpmeet”   or some other thing subject to their approval by a male-dominated society. It’s getting better but we’re still not there yet. Did you, Evan, not learn anything from the me-too movement? This is part of what was being said! As a dating coach, you have a responsibility to understand this.

        1. Evan Marc Katz

          I understand this. I don’t think this felony has anything to do with 99% of men and is therefore irrelevant to the topic of this blog.

        2. Persephone

          Incorrect.

          It has everything to do with the subject of this blog.

          It is the very essence of the subject of this blog.

          The reason the felony occurred is because women often times are not taken as seriously. It’s a way to enforce male dominance in society. The reason women don’t like being single is because oftentimes they have no power without a man.

           

    2. 910.2
      Cathalei

      We can take an event and extrapolate to all the situations but there are other counterexamples that are hard to ignore. The boyfriend was probably well connected within the college. Otherwise there are men whose lives are ruined by gossip or yes, by being subjected to such an attack. I would not be surprised that he had enablers from his fraternity, otherwise the reports would come out much sooner. On the other side, there are men whose lives are ruined by gossip mill and/or a similar attack. It usually comes down to connections and wealth. Besides, a significant portion (perhaps a majority) of those who defend these guys are women, which is a point that’s almost always ignored. I have heard lots of women exclaiming “Chris Brown can beat me if he wants to”, “shame on his gf for not accepting it” from women. Almost no men took the time to defend that behavior.

      Also, she was his girlfriend. Which means she was connected to a man. Fear of being alone is not exclusive territory of women, nor is it the reason of what happened. Besides, -puts a shield against lynching mob- there are women who see men as a shortcut to glory they seek and purposely make a choice  not to  stand on their two feet. Besides, men are valued according to their potential provider qualities as well.

      1. 910.2.1
        Persephone

        I am not sure what you mean by report, but the deposition was made available on public record when the case was filed the following Monday after the Saturday when the event occurred.   The fraternity b.f. was not well connected other than being a fraternity member.   His family was less wealthy than my client, the young lady, whose family is wealthy beyond your imagination.   Therefore this was not about money and connections.   It was about the horrific possibility that a male defendant might get more rights than a female victim.

        There is nothing wrong with having a boyfriend, if that is what one means by saying “connected to a man.”   He did not have any specific connections of value, but actually the mother of the girl does, therefore she does not need anything from him other than his companionship.

        Yes, the entire fraternity enables one another.

        Cathalie’s comment about Chris Brown’s comment hit the nail on the head. Women are often taught that their value lies not in themselves, but by their connection to a man.   That is why some women do not like to be single.

        1. Buck25

          Persephone,

          I’m going to do something I don’t usually do here, and agree with you…at least to a point. Actually I rather disagree with Evan, in that while he makes a valid point, the incident you brought up and its aftermath, actually ARE relevant to the discussion in this thread. Here’s how and why.

          The world women live, work, learn and play in, looks much different from a woman’s perspective than it does from a man’s perspective. Consider that world is full of men, almost all of whom can physically overpower her and do her considerable harm. While it is true that 99% of the same men wouldn’t do that (yes, even if they faced no risk of punishment for doing so), that’s largely irrelevant   if she cannot identify the other 1% who will with any real certainty, even among the men she knows. Those 1% don’t wear any sign or uniform that identifies them as an abuser, a stalker, a molester, a rapist, and so on. So, she walks a fine line in dealing with what she sees as a very real threat. If she over reacts, she risks everything from damaging her career, and ruining her relationships with men, to ruining the life of an innocent man. If she under reacts, she faces the danger of an incident like Persephone just described, or worse, maybe even losing her life. Men don’t ordinarily experience that   in everyday life. The closest male equivalent I can think of is being a soldier in a place like Vietnam, where the enemy lives and hides among the civilian population. He’s indistinguishable from the ones who mean you no harm…until he strikes,   and even though you’re trained, and heavily armed, you can’t use any of that until you’re certain of his/ her (yes, some of them are women too) intentions. Over react and you risk butchering innocent people (aside from the moral consequences, you can get a lot of years in a cell at Leavenworth for that). Under react, and there’s a good chance to end up in a body bag. Pretty scary stuff, but I only had to do that for a year; a woman walks a similar line every day for her entire life.

          #MeToo? The only thing that surprised me at all, was how pervasive some of this stuff was. I didn’t hear a blanket condemnation   of all of us men, except from a few extremists; all I heard was a cry for help and understanding, and one question “Why, when I was vulnerable and afraid and felt powerless, why wasn’t there any man to stand up for me, to protect me, and support me? You didn’t hurt me…but I feel you ignored me, or looked the other way.” That was the message I got.

          So I think it matters, and I think it’s one more part what makes a single women feel sometimes that although she values her independence, and doesn’t really need a man in her life , she’d feel just a little more safe, and supported and protected, if there were   a man there who cared enough to give her that much.

        2. Persephone

          Thanks, Buck25. I would like to comment on one point that you just made.   You stated that

          Those 1% don’t wear any sign or uniform that identifies them as an abuser, a stalker, a molester, a rapist, and so….

          I disagree, but it is behaviors and things they say that identify them.   Women are sometimes trained to not be confident to trust their own eyes and ears, or their gut instincts, and to give these men a free pass on the red flags until it ends up with a more severe behavior. I must walk a fine line into explaining this to the victim, while not making her feel it was her fault.   Even though she is the one who was injured, she wants to apologize. Ignoring  red flags does not make it her fault when she has been trained to ignore red flags.    

           

           

        3. Buck25

          Ignoring red flags does not make it her fault when she has been trained red flags.

          Persephone,

          Totally concur. The best defense a woman has in most potentially threatening life situations is her instinct, and particularly her ability to read people and recognize subtle behavioral signs that most men would miss. Most women are very good at knowing when something   or someone just doesn’t look, feel or sound right. So to tell a woman to ignore what she thinks might be a warning sign, a “red flag”, is about the worst possible advice there is. That sort of advice usually comes from men who themselves have little to no experience in high threat situations. Others know better. The best advice is that if your gut instinct tells you that a person or situation feels like a threat, there’s likely a reason, even if you can’t precisely articulate it. There will be plenty of time to re-evaluate that, AFTER you have removed yourself to a safe distance from that individual and/or situation. On the other hand, if you wait for those suspicions to be confirmed, there is likely going to be no time to re-evaluate anything, because at that point the situation has escalated into an encounter that is not going to end well. That’s not cowardly or paranoid, it’s common sense.

          I do have one more question for you. In the incident you described, do I understand correctly that there were other people observing as this atrocity unfolded? If so, what troubles me as much or more than the situation itself is that apparently no one present did anything to intervene and stop it. This obviously could not have occurred in a split second. If there were other men present, why on earth did they let this continue? That’s reprehensible; it may not be a crime as such, but it is cowardice.

        4. Persephone

          Buck 25, people stood around and watched because it’s a power system that they don’t step out of line from. If they do, it’s at their peril with their future careers.

          This is a very established power structure at a state school here in the South and it’s very patriarchal.   the United States of America and all Western countries are not quite as homogenized in their cultures as people think.

          I’m not saying that all fraternity and sorority members are bad, but the Greek system is where the state’s politicians come from when they become adults out in the Big World. This power structure that they don’t dare step outside from results in us being one of the states with the highest infant mortality rate, negative views on the use of birth control, oppressive views on abortion and women’s rights, voter suppression, constant gerrymandering lawsuits, high church membership in the Evangelical churches and ironically, one of the highest uses of Internet pornography.

          Among power structures like this the message is that a woman needs to be married.

  11. 911
    No Name To Give

    Well if the comments here are any indication, I’m already giving men exactly what they want. I’m staying away from them. 🙂 🙂 🙂

  12. 912
    Sea

    Hate is a strong word.   There are advantages and disadvantages to being single and to being in a relationship, both for women and for men.

    Speaking as a man, although there are frank benefits to being in a relationship,(consistent sex with someone I can trust instead of resorting to nightclubs and bars and music festivals to meet women and having to repeat the process) and someone to enjoy my hobbies with.

    The truth is that relationships entail a lot of effort and work, like an ex-girlfriend of mine wanting me to fly 200 miles and to spend the money on airplane tickets to attend her father’s wedding(I didn’t do it),   or having to go to the hospital and stay there for hours because her brother was in a car crash(I did so, but I ended the relationship soon after that),   with another ex-girlfriend.

    And honestly, I’ve dealt with enough problems in my life, I just want to chill and relax, so if I find myself in a relationship? That’s great.   When I go a long time without a relationship? That’s awesome aswell. I get to play sports with my roomates(6 guys I met in high school and college) or we go to parties all weekend/holidays, and I meet women in nightclubs, and just enjoy the sun and the beach.

     

  13. 913
    Albert

    Best solution is MGTOW.

    1. 913.1
      No Name To Give

      Maybe so Albert, but it’s always funny how MGTOW guys get pissed when women say to them, “don’t let the door hit ya in the rear on the way out”.

  14. 914
    SHANE

    Relationships have never been fun for me and even if they for a while the end result is like a hangover.  No thanks. MGTOW for life.  My money, time and freedom are mine.

  15. 915
    No Name To Give

    Shane,

    Ain’t nobody gonna stop you. They will probably even hold the door for you. Except for that clingy, needy, co-dependent gal who thinks her love will save you.

  16. 916
    Bill Blake

    As a Successful man in my late 40’s I have found that long term relationships like marriage just aren’t worth the energy and time. I give advice to the young bucks who work for me when they ask or are struggling with these women who claim to want one thing (marriage) but still are found to be chatting guys or seeing guys on the side. I explain to these young bucks that things changed dramatically with the advent of social media. In the past people met at church, work, School, thru friends etc… and had less distractions. Fast forward and now the average girl has guys hitting her up on facebook and a slew of others. There is always something cuter, wealthier, hotter, more interesting popping up almost daily. It’s just a different world in that regard. Now take into effect the effect of the leftist’s constant attack on “Toxic Masculinity” and how just saying hello can be grounds for a sexual harrassment suit I advise guys to go slow and not to have high expectations or hopes. The other option is not to have an American woman at all.  My best Mate from Australia found a traditional woman (gorgeous) from the coffee producing region of Colombia. She is very loving, Catholic, faithful and cares for him and their son in a way I have not seen for years from women here. The answer for young bucks is to look abroad for a wife and just use American women for booty calls because that’s what the newer generation wants. Rick my Manager is 28 and makes about 65k a year plus bonuses that I pay him. He is considering going to Poland on his month’s vacation to find a family oriented woman. I offered to give him my FF points for airfare and allow him to take a couple of meeting while there so the company can cover some of his expenses. Don’t give up hope young bucks just give up on these modern American  feminazi’s!!

    1. 916.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      Any person who uses the word feminazi is immediately discounted as a viable debate partner.

  17. 917
    Bill Blake

    What do you call these crazy women running around with pink vagina hats on their heads and holding protests? blaming men for every woe they’ve ever suffered! The fact that I am not neutered and say what I want, when I want and to whom I want can be threatening to the politically correct crowd. Successful men don’t need to grovel for the approval or attention of others. 95% of men today are beta males and I am doing my part to change that starting with the young bucks who work for me and seek my advice.

    1. 917.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      Your inability to understand and empathize with a woman’s point of view is a big part of this problem. I am not neutered. I say what I want. I am not politically correct. I have women on the left who hate me (because I don’t agree with everything women say) and I have men (like you) who hate me for pointing out the obvious: you are just like the feminazis you decry. So ground in your point of view, so convinced you’re right, so angry, that you deny the validity of everyone who disagrees with you.

      I am no beta male. I’m a man who listens to, understands, and respects women – and sees that when women are wearing pink pussy hats, it’s an obvious reaction to the fact that there is a President who bragged about sexual assault, a #MeToo movement which impacted tens of millions of women, an attack on women’s reproductive rights, and a gaping distance between how much effort working men and working women put in to running a household. The answer for women is not to attack all white men as evil incarnate; it’s to point out the FACTS that are undeniable. By dismissing these facts as histrionics, you put yourself on the wrong side of history, as is everyone who dismisses women’s concerns as hyperbolic and irrelevant. Maternity leave, emotional labor, and getting catcalled may not matter to YOU, but they matter to a whole lot of people and you would be wiser if you acknowledged that, instead of using the word “nazi” to describe a woman who is pissed that men like you don’t take her claims seriously.

  18. 918
    Bill Blake

    Wow where to begin? First I don’t hate you and probably all the other people you think hate you don’t either. I never said you were a beta male as I would have no way of knowing, but your incredibly defense response is very telling. Conflating so many talking points including something about “white men” is also very telling (hint I’m not white but nothing wrong with my white brothers). My Daughter who is 20 and currently is enrolled at the University is laughing her A** off right now reading your post. She says she see’s your type all over campus. Wimpy self doubting and eager to please. These guys claim to be Women’s advocates in hopes of gaining approval. she and her friends are polite but have no interest otherwise in these beta males. Wait I stand corrected… she says she never pays for lunch. She just hit’s one of you up and they pay just to talk to her. LOL she’s killing me but I digress. You claim to be a woman’s advocate but you make them out to be so weak and vulnerable that a simple “catcall” can’t be handled. I hear all the time where women are just as strong as men, if this is true why are there so many “victims”? As a minority I automatically fall into a victims group but I don’t see myself or accept myself as one. I actually resent the label. My daughter is in a relationship with an exchange student from Santiago Chile and the cultural differences are stark. She tells me that he is so confident and doesn’t ask her permission for every little thing. Nothing like the beta boys on campus today. I hope it works out for them as I have been grooming him on how to be successful in a world full of wimps, want something for nothings and victims. Peace out brother!

  19. 919
    John

    Once I reached my 30s, dating a woman felt like a full-time job — and I already have one of those; I don’t have the desire or the time for a second f/t job.  She would insist on daily phone chats (in addition to “status” texts — how’s your day going?, how’s work going?, are you thinking about me? etc.)  Then there’s the sheer amount of time involved. I’d be perfectly happy meeting a woman for a date once a week, ideally on Saturday night, but no woman I’ve met over the age of 30 was content with a one-day-per-week rendezvous.  No, they’d want to see or meet me at the very least every other day.  And then there are the phone sessions!  If a woman isn’t physically with you, she wants to talk to you on the phone.  More time, more effort.  Do women forget that men need time alone to mow the lawn, watch TV, fix the car, shop for groceries, and read a magazine?  And then there’s the money.  Women want to travel, go to movies, try new restaurants, go out for drinks, go dancing.  There’s nothing wrong with these activities, but most women expect men to foot the bill on a date — even if the woman has a higher-paying job.  In short, I can neither afford the time nor the money commitment required to entertain and maintain a modern woman.  And I’m 100% okay with that.

  20. 920
    Bill Blake

    where’s my rebuttal post? lack the stones to publish it?

    1. 920.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      No, prick. I was working. I let it through despite the “don’t insult the host” rules of this site (Remember, this is my business, not the overall internet where you can just be a troll without any accountability). Fact is, apart from your race, I have you pegged perfectly. But your description of me is only what you WANT it to be: “Wimpy self doubting and eager to please.” Take a few months to read the 1500 blog posts since 2007. You can say many things about me, but wimpy, self-doubting and eager to please are thoroughly inaccurate. Regular readers can certainly attest. What I am is a moderate. I call out men on shitty beliefs and behaviors and I do the same for women. So I believe we’re done here. You take your one-sided world view back to the manosphere and I’ll keep calling blindly partisan men and women out on their lack of sympathy and understanding. Good day, sir.

      1. 920.1.1
        Evan Marc Katz

        Oh, and anger is calling women “feminazis” and men who listen to women “cucks.” Calling out those who decry such hateful language is absurd, like getting angry at those who protested the neo-Nazis marching in Charlottesville. Now run along and bring your embarrassing vitriol elsewhere. I hear there is a whole community of men who think just like you. It’s just not here.

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