Why I Love Women Over 40

Why I Love Women Over 40

My wife – age 39 1/2 – just forwarded me the below – a snippet from an old Andy Rooney segment. While I tend to tune out most of his messages – focusing largely on his remarkably bushy white eyebrows, I think that Mr. Rooney has clearly accumulated some wisdom over his 90 years.

Here’s just a few reasons that he values women over 40 most of all:

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, ‘What are you thinking?’ She doesn’t care what you think.

If a woman over 40 doesn’t want to watch the game, she doesn’t sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it’s usually more interesting.

Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won’t hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it’s like to be unappreciated.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They’ll tell you right off if you are a jerk, if you are acting like one. You don’t ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it’s not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.

For all those men who say, ‘Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? here’s an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!

I’m not sold on the anti-marriage, mini-sausage sentiments, but the rest rings true. Women, like fine wines, often improve with age.

I remember a 24-year-old woman who had a crush on me when I was in my early 30’s. I told her she was too young for me. She was incredulous. No man rejects a 24-year-old woman! I let her know that if she thought she was amazing now, she should imagine herself in 5 years, at age 29. And in another 5 years, at age 34. In fact, I told her, if you look back on your life every five years, you’ll realize that you knew nothing five years ago. It’s been the case for me, and I trust it’s been the same for that adorable 24-year-old.

There’s no replacing the wisdom and life experience of an older woman – presuming, of course, that the woman has learned from her experience and become better (not bitter) for it.

Apart from smooth skin and the ability to procreate, I’m not sure what younger women have over older ones. Readers? Your thoughts, as always, are appreciated.


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  1. 1

    I think the biggest thing that rings true for me is the appreciation thing…

    I’m lucky enough to be able to be 40 yet go out with guys in their early to mid 30’s and I think one of the things they love most is how much I appreciate them and compliment them because they’re not used to it.

    In my 20’s and early 30’s I was way too spoiled and way too much of a pain in the ass to appreciate a nice guy that would ever come my way; it was “all about me”. Now I don’t take “nice guys” for granted. I tell them what is wonderful about them and how sexy they are and they EAT IT UP, and in exchange…we both get what we want. Yet, I never mastered the art of reciprocation until very very recently.

    I’m having the time of my life right now dating 3 guys simultaneously (thanks to Evan) and just deciding on the right fit for me. So yes… I think there is SO MUCH we have to offer as we age that young girls are absolutely clueless about… I know I was.

  2. 2

    I think a lot of guys take the flip side of Mr. Rooney’s arguments: “She doesn’t care what you think.” ==> “She doesn’t fawn all over me and make me the center of the universe.”

    “She doesn’t make a scene at the opera.” ==> “There’s no drama.” (Which every guy says he wants to avoid like the plague but keeps everyone of both sexes coming back for more, as you’ve written.)

    “Women get psychic as they age.” ==> “I can’t pull all my normal bullshit with her.”

    And “once you get past a wrinkle or two…” — that is a major sticking point for all the men looking for arm candy, making the other points moot (and making me wish I sold Botox for a living).

    I’ve been lucky to date a few much younger guys who appreciated older women, as well as the current guy who likes women around his own age (I’m 47, he’s 52.) But I’ve also seen waaayyy to many of the relics hitting on the 22-year-old waitresses, the guys who always think they can do just a little better.

    I do think women get better with age. Maybe I should move to France, where ALL women are revered, and bitterness? Well, that’s just another poetic element of the cultural vernacular, along with smoking, arguing, and mimes. 😉

  3. 3

    I’ve read this Andy Rooney piece several times before over the years. I agree with it wholeheartedly.

    When I was younger I enjoyed getting dates and making friends in that age range because the conversation was better. It still is.

    Being in that age range now I very much enjoy talking to somebody who shares the same cultural references I have. It is a huge plus.

    I still end up dating younger than this age range occasionally. The *excessive* looking for “red flags”( judgementalness ) and cynicism/suspicion of men that many women in that age group have is a strong turn off. I go through cycles of getting too a snootful, staying from that age group for a while, coming back and repeating the cycle.

  4. 4

    @Melissa post #1

    I’ve gotten similar comments from women in their late 20’s and early 30’s. Guys their own age are just looking to get into their pants ASAP and some haven’t finished growing up yet. These women enjoy that I care about and that I am interested in what they think.

  5. 5

    Cilla Jun 23rd 2009 at 05:40 am 2
    I think a lot of guys take the flip side of Mr. Rooney’s arguments: She doesn’t care what you think. ==> She doesn’t fawn all over me and make me the center of the universe.

    I think EMK wrote it best and wrote it diplomatically when he wrote in this blog post ( ) that the same personal quality can either be a good quality or a bad quality depending on the context.

    For instance, going by the Rooney extract above it is a good thing to be with a woman who does not need to be on every single thought in her head. Take the same quality too far and it is not fun to be with a woman who doesn’t fill you need for attention.

  6. 6

    Well, I’m only 30 but I do think that the older I get, the cuter and smarter I become!

    Honey´s last blog post…Get Fit and Improve Your Dating Prospects

  7. 7

    Being a woman over 40, I can’t possibly imagine myself doing anything, but agree.

    Also, can’t dispute;

    “if you look back on your life every five years, you’ll realize that you knew nothing five years ago”

    searchingwithin´s last blog post…It’s Time to Jump Right In With Both Feet

  8. 8

    @ #2
    Moving to France sounds better and better the more I read this blog.

  9. 9

    @ Steve

    LOL–I agree with a lot of what you’re saying, from a different perspective, and I’ve done the cycle too.

    The problem is when you’ve been lied to, cheated on, bamboozled, and run over enough, you wise up and start to become a little more careful (some people might see that as being judgmental). It’s nice to say that each guy you meet is different from the last and deserves a fresh start. I really do believe that. But in choosing that guy to begin with, I’m going to be a little more careful and keep my guard up a bit longer. Do I wish I didn’t have to do that? Of course. But is it preferable to being sandbagged *again*? You bet.

    I believe in what Rabbi Shmuley says about there being something truly broken in the average American man. Maybe that’s why so many women have that veneer of bitterness. And maybe that’s why I’m currently dating someone who wasn’t born in the US and who grew up with a completely different sensibility about relationships.

    There’s a great scene in the film “The Upside of Anger” where Joan Allen’s character confronts the older man who is dating her barely legal daughter. She asks him why he doesn’t date women his own age, and strangely enough, he gives all the reasons Andy Rooney cites for preferring older women: they’re easy going; they make him feel good about himself; they’re appreciative; etc. She thinks they just haven’t smartened up yet, and her bitterness about men is completely justified. Who’s right? They both are. Men want women who make their lives easier. Women want to do this for men and then not get turned in for a newer model once they’ve put in the time.

  10. 10

    Makes me feel better about turning 37 next month!

  11. 11

    And let’s not forget that guys over 40 are also fantastic! (That is, if they aren’t the weird ones with roommates or who have never been married or who only want young, nubile flesh…) (OK, that was a joke!)

    Things that guys over 40 have on their younger brethren:

    1) They have learned that women offer more than just sex
    2) They have learned to avoid the crazy 10s in favor of the cuddly 7s
    3) They are established in some kind of career and make time for other things
    4) They don’t have anything to prove and so are nicer to be around
    5) They are worlds and worlds better in bed. Yowsa!!!

  12. 12
    Isabelle Archer

    Ok, I’ll play devil’s advocate — but based solely on age rather than gender.

    In your young twenties, you have a capacity to heedlessly fall into passionate love, without all the baggage and hesitations you acquire in your thirties. You also have the time and flexibility to completely incorporate someone into your daily life, without feeling so unsettled and interrupted in your routine the way you might if you’ve been living as an “adult” for decades. Finally, in your 20s your career is just starting out, and you can make big compromises about location for school and jobs without actually affecting your career all that much — because that great grad school/entry-level job on the East Coast is probably not that much different than the one on the West Coast.

    But this is really an argument for people of the same age getting together. The positive qualities that might help two twenty-somethings fashion a strong relationship could turn into insurmountable disparaties or imbalances of power between a 25 year old and a 45 year old.

  13. 13

    It’s always dangerous to stereotype, but I have to say that older women generally have one major drawback.

    They carry the wounds from their previous relationships into the new one. This is generally not the case of younger women, who most likely, have never been in a serious relationship so they aren’t looking for you to make the same mistakes the last guy made.

    I don’t know if it’s a loss of innocence or just a more cynical nature, but it’s not fun to be around. I don’t want to be castigated for the mistakes the last boyfriend/husband made.

    1. 13.1

      well said Peter, I have been in that situation just recently and it really isn’t fun or very fair at all. We all have baggage, but you have to leave it or help each other “unpack” and leave it be.

    2. 13.2
      Karmic Equation

      My bff is a straight male. And one of the things he’s said time and again that made me unusual was that I lack the bitterness and distrust that other women my age express towards men. I’m 48.

      Truth be told though, the female friends that I like hanging with aren’t bitter or distrustful of men that I can tell. But then these women work retail or are in healthcare, not C-level women.

      Perhaps the same temperaments that make women successful in C-level jobs are the same ones that make her more prone to bitterness and distrust when she’s disappointed in relationships.

      1. 13.2.1

        “Perhaps the same temperaments that make women successful in C-level jobs are the same ones that make her more prone to bitterness and distrust when she’s disappointed in relationships.”

        I have to disagree with you and say that bitterness knows no gender or income bracket. I’d bet you a million bucks that for every bitter woman there’s a bitter man just like her. Think about some of the males on the manosphere and MRA websites. In their defense, some of these men have been screwed over, but their single negative experienced has tarnished their view of women forever. I’d also bet you a million bucks that for every rich bitter individual, there’s also a poor bitter one.

        I agree with you that people with a certain temperament are more likely to become bitter when life throws its theoretical poo at them, but I’d also say that yea, there probably are characteristics that successful women share that could make them bitter, but it doesn’t explain the positive qualities that are also required of successful women that could make them successful in relationships: self-control, emotional intelligence, forethought, good decision-making, conscientiousness, and other characteristics.

  14. 14

    Cilla Jun 23rd 2009 at 08:15 am 9
    I believe in what Rabbi Shmuley says about there being something truly broken in the average American man. Maybe that’s why so many

    I don’t know what research Rabbi Shmuley has done, to what quality or what his qualifications as a researcher are, but as an American man I take personal offense.

    No offense to anyone. Let write that again because it is a cliche that people tend not to take literally. No offense to anyone.

    I am getting turned by what I view as judgmental attitudes that almost approaching bigotry on the part of some of the regular female commentators.

    Ladies, those guys that you got that are the exception to all of those rules you made up — treat them well. If you lose them you will have hard time finding replacements with the negative attitudes you have toward men.

  15. 15
    Senior Chick

    As a way older (40 is still a baby) woman who is now involved in the “dating scene” and trying to follow Evan’s advice I think its a conundrum.

    Many of the men in my age range on match.com are looking for women 15-20 years younger. From their pictures and profiles one wonders how they justify their wish list–but we all have fantasies. I’ve gone on and off over the years and see the same men looking for the same age range although I notice their age hasn’t changed with the passing years.

    I am amazed at the number of inquiries I get from much younger men. I’m just not interested. They are in chapter one of their lives and I am in chapter two! I don’t want to have to explain who Mickey Rooney was or Johnny Carson.

    It seems to me that men who are confident in themselves, reasonably pleased with who they have become, still interested in life are the ones who are not so judgemental. True we can compare colonoscyopies instead of sexual games but we’re both in the same boat-much less pressure to perform and much greater appreciation for all of the good things in life.

    I read your blog and your regular responses-just thought you all might like a Senior Chick response. You are all going to get there some day and it isn’t so bad!

  16. 16

    Can’t say I’ve thought about getting with a 40-year-old woman, but after reading this description I’d consider it!

    Re: younger women. Looks and body, usually. Enthusiasm, energy, and occasional innocence. Don’t hate, but younger women can be easier to “influence” into being good girlfriends. Sure, they’re immature and flaky, too.
    .-= Lance´s last blog ..Get Fit and Improve Your Dating Prospects =-.

  17. 17

    @Peter, #13

    If I never run into a person embittered by a divorce again, male or female, for the rest of my life I will be amazed. I think the age related bitterness happens to both women and men.

  18. 18

    @Senior Chick, post #15

    When I was younger I was terrified of getting older. I have started experiencing some of the losses you get when a person ages. I’m still not looking forward to becoming a senior citizen, but I can see how the “drama” goes down and that will be one nice compensation.

  19. 20
    Curly Girl

    [email protected]: Just a question about your post. When you say that younger women are easier to “influence” into being good girlfriends–“easier” than what or whom? ‘Cause if you are only just thinking about getting with a 40-year-old woman, that implies that you haven’t done it yet, and since you haven’t had any experience with the post-40 woman, I am assuming you aren’t talking about one of them.

    But why do you have to “influence” anyone into being a good girlfriend? And how do you do that exactly?

  20. 21

    @ Peter

    I think both men and women carry around the wounds from previous relationships (and that can be a LTR, not only divorce)–they just do it differently. Women, because we are more vocal, talk about our feelings. Maybe we are hoping that by talking about mistakes our exes made, our current mates will take the initiative to prove they can be different. Maybe we are trying to explain our wariness in relationships. I’m not saying it’s a strategy that works for us, but we do it nonetheless. Men, in general, internalize their wounds. They insist on dating much younger women (also maybe not a realistic strategy, as Senior Chick pointed out). Or they look for more malleable girlfriends, like Lance. Or they become serial daters, commitment phobes, which perpetuates the cycle…

    @ Steve

    Not everyone with something credible to say, e.g., Shmuley Boteach, has to be a researcher. Rabbi Shmuley’s books have sold millions of copies and been translated into dozens of languages. He was the Rabbi for Oxford University. He has won countless awards as one of the most respected religious leaders in the world. He writes a weekly column for the Jerusalem Post. He travels on the lecture circuit with people like Deepak Chopra. He hosts a TV program on troubled homes and spent a year hosting a daily radio show on Oprah & Friends Radio. I think he has a little street cred. Just because he’s saying something you don’t like, doesn’t mean he’s not making a valid point–one to which many people, researchers and no, agree. There is a subset of the Amercian male population that is undergoing an identity crisis due to a perfect storm of poor parenting, obsession with career (driven by consumerism), disrespect of women (fueled by many factors including pornography AND the Feminist Movement), substance abuse, etc. This identity crisis manifests itself, in part, in failed interpersonal relationships with the opposite sex.

    I’m not sure what new “bigotry” you’re referring to (you’ve already voiced your opinion about unmarried men over 40 and men with roommates), but if it’s my absolute intolerance of men who lie, men who cheat, and men who will knowingly treat me badly (those are the ones I referenced in my post), that’s bigotry I can live with.

    BTW, usually when someone says “no offense,” what they mean is, “I’m going to say something that might offend you, but I don’t want to be held accountable for it.”

  21. 22
    Online Dating

    Women over 40 ROCK!
    An older woman will introduce you to all of her girlfriends. A younger woman will avoid her girlfriends when she’s with you, in case you get any ideas

  22. 23

    I feel like I was way more bitter and baggage-ridden when I was younger. You reach a point in your life where you don’t take other people’s flaws personally – but when I was in my early and mid-twenties just wasn’t that time.
    .-= Honey´s last blog ..Good News Follows Good News: Or, LinkedIn Works!? =-.

  23. 24

    it doesn’t sound much like Mr Rooney is complimenting 40 year old women, as much as he’s sly, or not so sly, slandering younger women.

    I mean, A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, What are you thinking? She doesn’t care what you think.

    If a woman over 40 doesn’t want to watch the game, she doesn’t sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it’s usually more interesting.

    and so on…. gee, what an accomplishment for womankind. You live for twenty years, and you finally learn to keep your mouth shut and not nag the man. Obviously a woman *had* to get into her forties to pick up a hobby and not lie every time she opens her mouth. His obvious love and admiration of women knows no bounds it seems.

    It’s hilarious that people are actually flattered by this.

    1. 24.1

      Thank you for making that point on Rooney’s comments. Given the context of many relationships in that era, I’m inclined to agree that his viewpoint is clearly patronizing.  Many male roles in hollywood in that era reflected this attitude as well.  Anyway, good call…can’t see how people are eating this up.

  24. 25

    Every year I look back at the me I was five years previously and I wish that guy were still around just so I could beat the crap out of him before sticking a shiv into his right kidney.

    It means I’m winning.
    .-= casualencounters.com/blog´s last blog ..Ashley Madison Review =-.

  25. 26

    Cilla @ #21,

    I really have to agree with you. I’m more than willing to give men the benefit of a doubt and not charge them with the sins of the unsavory sorts that creep into our lives every now and then. However, to not have a healthy level of self-protection is foolish and unwise. Proverbs – aka The Book of Wisdom – says in verse 23 to “keep thy heart with all dilligence for out of it are the issues of life”. I’m sorry if using wisdom gained from experience is bigotted behavior, but it’s irresponsible to set one’s self up for pain. There is a difference between condemnation and conviction. Condemnation (i.e. judegementalism) is a woman saying, “this guy is bad and evil and all men are bad and evil and they are all guilty”. Conviction is a woman saying, “he’s not all bad, but this behavior is something that I won’t allow in my own life and I need to move on”.

  26. 27

    I do believe women get better with age, provided, as Evan pointed out, they learn and grow through their life’s experiences rather than becoming bitter.

    As a divorcee after many years of marriage, I do not feel embittered in the least, though to some, I have every right to be and I think they question why I am not bitter. I know of many women who allow their anger and hurt to nearly turn them into stone.

    For me, it has all been about forgiveness and understanding. Forgiving him for everything that ensued from and because of his infidelity, and even harder, forgiving myself for my own mistakes. The understanding of why things happened as they did has been a tremendous source of growth and knowledge for me.

    As for the values given in this blog, I took them to be tongue-in-cheek; and they’re funny. I have learned that if a woman asks a man, “What are you thinking,” it is usually met with a slightly blank look, as they are often literally thinking no specific thought at that moment. I love to talk with a man who knows how to engage in a good, two-way conversation; it’s sexy to me. I have learned how to be better at nurturing my independence and celebrating theirs, which when done right, helps to create a better relationship all the way around.

    I have always been gracious (not a drama queen in the least) and generously praised the goodness that was my former husband, and the countless positive things he did for our family and for me. And psychic, too. 😉 I prefer to call it, “intuition.”

    Sexier … hmmm. Confidence is sexy, and knowing myself well leads to even greater confidence. I feel comfortable with who I am. I know what my boundaries, wants and needs are, and what I hope to have in life. I think this makes me more honest and forthright, but not in a cruel way.

    Disappointingly, the majority of men in my general age group want women significantly younger; to the point of being old enough to easily be their father’s age, if not more. And I know, there’s no fighting it. A lot of much younger men show interest in me, but that’s not what I seek. I do not look my age (didn’t intentionally tan, smoke, drink, etc.). Or sometimes a man who could be MY father ~ yikes!

    Ce la vie.

  27. 28

    @girl-with-glasses#22- excellent point.
    And while I’ve grown as a person in the last few years (as hopefully most people have), me at 24 was by no stretch of the imagination stupid. After all, she’s the chick that led me to where I am now…how stupid could she be 😉

    I tend to really dislike these types of lists (why i love women over 40, why i love black women, why i love women with kids, why i love fill-in-the-blank) because, invariably, they denigrate women that aren’t whatever the list of the moment is. And they seem to be pandering…i doubt you’ll see a ‘why i love 23 year old women’ or ‘why i love women with big boobs’ list any time soon. Living a certain number of years does not automatically make you smarter or better- plenty of people (men and women alike) stubbornly refuse to learn from their mistakes or the mistakes of others. Even if the list applied to me and was flattering, I still wouldn’t be a fan.

  28. 29

    Oh and I’m with Isabelle Archer #12- At best it makes a good argument for coupling up with people your own age, whatever that age might be.

  29. 30

    This is always so interesting, but tonight I had to write. I just turned 50, and luckily look younger than my age and have been able to date a lot of men, younger and older. Actually, I bought EMK’s online dating program, and it was a big help. Sadly, there is bitterness and stereotyping going on among all ages, and sexes. It’s like it is subconscious, even when we try our best to be openminded and honest. But the ridiculous reality TV shows, online porn and ability to find casual hookups give everyone the expectation that the grass is greener, or they have endless options. And, our past negative experiences give us all a hair trigger, so it’s easy to mistake a minor dating blunder for a major red flag, and then bolt. I’ve done it myself, and then regretted it later. I think men and women basically want the same thing, we just have a different way of communicating and expressing ourselves. We just all have to practice the Steven Covey rule, “See first to understand, then be understood.” Then age won’t matter at all.

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