Why I Love Women Over 40


My wife – age 39 1/2 – just forwarded me the below – a snippet from an old Andy Rooney segment. While I tend to tune out most of his messages – focusing largely on his remarkably bushy white eyebrows, I think that Mr. Rooney has clearly accumulated some wisdom over his 90 years.

Here’s just a few reasons that he values women over 40 most of all:

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, ‘What are you thinking?’ She doesn’t care what you think.

If a woman over 40 doesn’t want to watch the game, she doesn’t sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it’s usually more interesting.

Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won’t hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it’s like to be unappreciated.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They’ll tell you right off if you are a jerk, if you are acting like one. You don’t ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it’s not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.

For all those men who say, ‘Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? here’s an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!

I’m not sold on the anti-marriage, mini-sausage sentiments, but the rest rings true. Women, like fine wines, often improve with age.

I remember a 24-year-old woman who had a crush on me when I was in my early 30’s. I told her she was too young for me. She was incredulous. No man rejects a 24-year-old woman! I let her know that if she thought she was amazing now, she should imagine herself in 5 years, at age 29. And in another 5 years, at age 34. In fact, I told her, if you look back on your life every five years, you’ll realize that you knew nothing five years ago. It’s been the case for me, and I trust it’s been the same for that adorable 24-year-old.

There’s no replacing the wisdom and life experience of an older woman – presuming, of course, that the woman has learned from her experience and become better (not bitter) for it.

Apart from smooth skin and the ability to procreate, I’m not sure what younger women have over older ones. Readers? Your thoughts, as always, are appreciated.


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  1. 21

    @ Peter

    I think both men and women carry around the wounds from previous relationships (and that can be a LTR, not only divorce)–they just do it differently. Women, because we are more vocal, talk about our feelings. Maybe we are hoping that by talking about mistakes our exes made, our current mates will take the initiative to prove they can be different. Maybe we are trying to explain our wariness in relationships. I’m not saying it’s a strategy that works for us, but we do it nonetheless. Men, in general, internalize their wounds. They insist on dating much younger women (also maybe not a realistic strategy, as Senior Chick pointed out). Or they look for more malleable girlfriends, like Lance. Or they become serial daters, commitment phobes, which perpetuates the cycle…

    @ Steve

    Not everyone with something credible to say, e.g., Shmuley Boteach, has to be a researcher. Rabbi Shmuley’s books have sold millions of copies and been translated into dozens of languages. He was the Rabbi for Oxford University. He has won countless awards as one of the most respected religious leaders in the world. He writes a weekly column for the Jerusalem Post. He travels on the lecture circuit with people like Deepak Chopra. He hosts a TV program on troubled homes and spent a year hosting a daily radio show on Oprah & Friends Radio. I think he has a little street cred. Just because he’s saying something you don’t like, doesn’t mean he’s not making a valid point–one to which many people, researchers and no, agree. There is a subset of the Amercian male population that is undergoing an identity crisis due to a perfect storm of poor parenting, obsession with career (driven by consumerism), disrespect of women (fueled by many factors including pornography AND the Feminist Movement), substance abuse, etc. This identity crisis manifests itself, in part, in failed interpersonal relationships with the opposite sex.

    I’m not sure what new “bigotry” you’re referring to (you’ve already voiced your opinion about unmarried men over 40 and men with roommates), but if it’s my absolute intolerance of men who lie, men who cheat, and men who will knowingly treat me badly (those are the ones I referenced in my post), that’s bigotry I can live with.

    BTW, usually when someone says “no offense,” what they mean is, “I’m going to say something that might offend you, but I don’t want to be held accountable for it.”

  2. 22
    Online Dating

    Women over 40 ROCK!
    An older woman will introduce you to all of her girlfriends. A younger woman will avoid her girlfriends when she’s with you, in case you get any ideas

  3. 23

    I feel like I was way more bitter and baggage-ridden when I was younger. You reach a point in your life where you don’t take other people’s flaws personally – but when I was in my early and mid-twenties just wasn’t that time.
    .-= Honey´s last blog ..Good News Follows Good News: Or, LinkedIn Works!? =-.

  4. 24

    it doesn’t sound much like Mr Rooney is complimenting 40 year old women, as much as he’s sly, or not so sly, slandering younger women.

    I mean, A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, What are you thinking? She doesn’t care what you think.

    If a woman over 40 doesn’t want to watch the game, she doesn’t sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it’s usually more interesting.

    and so on…. gee, what an accomplishment for womankind. You live for twenty years, and you finally learn to keep your mouth shut and not nag the man. Obviously a woman *had* to get into her forties to pick up a hobby and not lie every time she opens her mouth. His obvious love and admiration of women knows no bounds it seems.

    It’s hilarious that people are actually flattered by this.

    1. 24.1

      Thank you for making that point on Rooney’s comments. Given the context of many relationships in that era, I’m inclined to agree that his viewpoint is clearly patronizing.   Many male roles in hollywood in that era reflected this attitude as well.   Anyway, good call…can’t see how people are eating this up.

  5. 25

    Every year I look back at the me I was five years previously and I wish that guy were still around just so I could beat the crap out of him before sticking a shiv into his right kidney.

    It means I’m winning.
    .-= casualencounters.com/blog´s last blog ..Ashley Madison Review =-.

  6. 26

    Cilla @ #21,

    I really have to agree with you. I’m more than willing to give men the benefit of a doubt and not charge them with the sins of the unsavory sorts that creep into our lives every now and then. However, to not have a healthy level of self-protection is foolish and unwise. Proverbs – aka The Book of Wisdom – says in verse 23 to “keep thy heart with all dilligence for out of it are the issues of life”. I’m sorry if using wisdom gained from experience is bigotted behavior, but it’s irresponsible to set one’s self up for pain. There is a difference between condemnation and conviction. Condemnation (i.e. judegementalism) is a woman saying, “this guy is bad and evil and all men are bad and evil and they are all guilty”. Conviction is a woman saying, “he’s not all bad, but this behavior is something that I won’t allow in my own life and I need to move on”.

  7. 27

    I do believe women get better with age, provided, as Evan pointed out, they learn and grow through their life’s experiences rather than becoming bitter.

    As a divorcee after many years of marriage, I do not feel embittered in the least, though to some, I have every right to be and I think they question why I am not bitter. I know of many women who allow their anger and hurt to nearly turn them into stone.

    For me, it has all been about forgiveness and understanding. Forgiving him for everything that ensued from and because of his infidelity, and even harder, forgiving myself for my own mistakes. The understanding of why things happened as they did has been a tremendous source of growth and knowledge for me.

    As for the values given in this blog, I took them to be tongue-in-cheek; and they’re funny. I have learned that if a woman asks a man, “What are you thinking,” it is usually met with a slightly blank look, as they are often literally thinking no specific thought at that moment. I love to talk with a man who knows how to engage in a good, two-way conversation; it’s sexy to me. I have learned how to be better at nurturing my independence and celebrating theirs, which when done right, helps to create a better relationship all the way around.

    I have always been gracious (not a drama queen in the least) and generously praised the goodness that was my former husband, and the countless positive things he did for our family and for me. And psychic, too. 😉 I prefer to call it, “intuition.”

    Sexier … hmmm. Confidence is sexy, and knowing myself well leads to even greater confidence. I feel comfortable with who I am. I know what my boundaries, wants and needs are, and what I hope to have in life. I think this makes me more honest and forthright, but not in a cruel way.

    Disappointingly, the majority of men in my general age group want women significantly younger; to the point of being old enough to easily be their father’s age, if not more. And I know, there’s no fighting it. A lot of much younger men show interest in me, but that’s not what I seek. I do not look my age (didn’t intentionally tan, smoke, drink, etc.). Or sometimes a man who could be MY father ~ yikes!

    Ce la vie.

  8. 28

    @girl-with-glasses#22- excellent point.
    And while I’ve grown as a person in the last few years (as hopefully most people have), me at 24 was by no stretch of the imagination stupid. After all, she’s the chick that led me to where I am now…how stupid could she be 😉

    I tend to really dislike these types of lists (why i love women over 40, why i love black women, why i love women with kids, why i love fill-in-the-blank) because, invariably, they denigrate women that aren’t whatever the list of the moment is. And they seem to be pandering…i doubt you’ll see a ‘why i love 23 year old women’ or ‘why i love women with big boobs’ list any time soon. Living a certain number of years does not automatically make you smarter or better- plenty of people (men and women alike) stubbornly refuse to learn from their mistakes or the mistakes of others. Even if the list applied to me and was flattering, I still wouldn’t be a fan.

  9. 29

    Oh and I’m with Isabelle Archer #12- At best it makes a good argument for coupling up with people your own age, whatever that age might be.

  10. 30

    This is always so interesting, but tonight I had to write. I just turned 50, and luckily look younger than my age and have been able to date a lot of men, younger and older. Actually, I bought EMK’s online dating program, and it was a big help. Sadly, there is bitterness and stereotyping going on among all ages, and sexes. It’s like it is subconscious, even when we try our best to be openminded and honest. But the ridiculous reality TV shows, online porn and ability to find casual hookups give everyone the expectation that the grass is greener, or they have endless options. And, our past negative experiences give us all a hair trigger, so it’s easy to mistake a minor dating blunder for a major red flag, and then bolt. I’ve done it myself, and then regretted it later. I think men and women basically want the same thing, we just have a different way of communicating and expressing ourselves. We just all have to practice the Steven Covey rule, “See first to understand, then be understood.” Then age won’t matter at all.

  11. 31

    GWG #22, re: Andy R’s comment about a 40+ woman not caring what a guy thinks –

    I don’t think this is negative or that it means that she doesn’t CARE about her partner. It means is that she’s secure/mature enough to live her life according to what’s best for her, rather than what others expect.

    If you know what you want and are happy with yourself you’ll have a happy relationship. And you’ll date someone who will appreciate you for the way you are.

  12. 32

    lulubell #30, great points!

    When you said “..it’s easy to mistake a minor dating blunder for a major red flag,….” can you give examples?

    I know, getting off topic here, but it’s good to learn from others’ experiences.

  13. 33

    If a woman looks virtually the same physically over 40 as she did at, say, 30 (some natural maturation of personality often occurs between 20 and 25), does she improve in the ways that essay claims? It’s a serious, non-rhetorical question; women are finding ways to stay young while their male counterparts keep aging.

  14. 34

    downtowngal #32 – Thanks for asking…I’ve dated two guys who were very honest, and told me that they stay home a lot, and it made me worry that they would not really want to do all the things I like to do, or would just be a couch potatoes. A good guy friend of mine later told me that a lot of guys would like to stay busy, but they drown themselves in work, or just stay home if they don’t have a girlfriend to do things with – they kinda become cave dwellers. Hard for me to believe, but he was speaking from experience. I wish I had actually just explored the comment more with the guys, rather than moving on so quickly. I should have rewarded, or at least respected their honesty, rather than jump to conclusions. I need to learn to separate the actual truth of the matter, from the story I create around the truth, based on my experiences. Check out “Loving What Is” by Byron Katie. I’m still learning this stuff…

  15. 35

    I really like this article.. Now that really takes away all the worries about getting older!!! 😛

    Most of the things said in this article are true and i know that even though i m just 23 because i’ve seen it in my mom.. But thanks to a few people in my life i guess i didnt need to turn be the way women get better after 40.

    Lots of people in my life changed me a lot over the last 4 years.. And due to that i have lots of qualities said in the above article.. Including the fact that i m more optimistic than i was before.

    And i would also like to say here that apart from all those other people, reading Evans blogs and newsletter also made me even more positive about things…

    Thanks Evan!! 🙂

  16. 36

    And yes i would still like to add.. i know i m not perfect and i still look forward to know how i can change myself to be better.

  17. 37

    hi Lulubell,

    i completely agree with your post.. i’ve seen lots of people get so bitter.. That it gets irritating to hear their unrealistically negative thinking about the opposite sex!!! A particular person i met was so negative that i for the first imte in my life began to hate seeing his face. Becasue all that anger and negativity is really contagious!!!

  18. 38

    I find it fascinating how EMK disclosed that the quote was NOT in fact from Andy Rooney after all, and this news didn’t even cause a ripple in the pond. I think this just shows how the observations in the quote — no matter who made them — have really struck a nerve.

    What struck a nerve for me in particular was the whole “what are you thinking” thing. I’m very comforted to hear that I’m not the only one who has been on the receiving end of that question, and hated it.

    I recently ended a relationship with an otherwise attractive, intelligent woman who unfortunately displayed nearly all the (to me) negative traits referred to or alluded to in the article. Even more unfortunately, I thought that it was my fault and stuck with it for way longer than I should have — thus actually making it my fault that I was still suffering through it after a year and a half.

    I’ve come away with a very important lesson: My gut and heart are actually smarter than my brain sometimes, and I need to learn to listen to them. Yes, I’m over 40 and have never been married, and I’ve got more than my share of set-in-my-ways bad habits. But that doesn’t mean that I deserve to be browbeaten constantly about it. Ultimately a person needs to be able to accept who they are themselves, and accept who the other person is as well. Does that mean that its “OK” to leave a few dirty dishes in the sink for far too long? No. But to make things like that the centerpiece of a relationship (and we weren’t even living together) is just stupid.

    It just got to the point where I was just done with being made to feel six inches tall all the time. Yes, on the facts she was always right (e.g. dishes in the sink), but there’s more to life than that, but she just couldn’t see it.

    Ok, now I’m venting a bit. I’m grateful for this forum. Thank you.

  19. 39
    Slim Pickens

    I haven’t carefully read all of the comments, so pardon if someone already mentioned it, but Andy Rooney DID NOT WRITE that article. That piece of misinformation has been floating around the Internet for a while now. A writer named Frank Kaiser who writes for something called ‘Suddenly Senior’ wrote it, albeit with slightly different wording in 2000.

    Mr Rooney himself has said this during his segment at least once.

  20. 40

    As a woman over 40, I agree! Lucky me, I have no wrinkles !Lol

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