Why People with Serious Passions and Hobbies Make the Worst Partners

man riding an atv under a beautiful sky

Dear Evan,

I know that the most important things to look for in a man are his character and how he treats me. However, most of the guys I meet online have hobbies that include things like extreme hiking, skiing, biking, four-wheeling, etc. I understand every guy needs hobbies and that’s great but these guys always mention that they want a woman who shares their interests and I don’t like any of those things, in fact, I can’t do most of them because of health issues and lack of any athletic ability. I know I could just search for guys who are more low-key and into things I’m into but when these sporty/outdoorsy guys message me, should I ignore them? It seems they are the only ones messaging me and they have other good qualities so I don’t know if I’m wasting my time or not if I go out with them.


I know it’s not popular to say this — especially since it would seem to condemn many of my readers, but, well, I’ve got to follow the truth where it leads. Let’s start with a fact:

There are a finite number of hours in a day and a week.

We spend 8 hours a day sleeping. We spend 10 more working or commuting. We have two weekend days to catch up on our errands, priorities, or hobbies.

If you’re passionate about your hobby, you are likely devoting a lot of your spare time to it. Which makes sense when you’re single and have a lot of time to fill.

Might as well do something you love.

But when you’re looking for a relationship, hobbies can be extremely problematic.

Being a marathoner or an animal activist may be the most profound and meaningful experience on earth for those who share your passion, yet they’re kind of rough on the 99% who don’t.

Which is why there are dating sites to match up people based on being athletic or spiritual. Why haven’t you had any success on these sites? Well, because anyone who puts her love of horses or his passion for skiing ahead of a relationship is likely to remain alone.

When you’re looking for a relationship, hobbies can be extremely problematic.

You’ve heard of the phrase “must love dogs?”

That was clearly written by a single person who thought mutual hobbies were important.

Free advice from a happily married dating coach: he must TOLERATE your dogs.

Just like you must TOLERATE his fantasy football. And he must TOLERATE how long it takes you to get ready. And you must TOLERATE how he only listens to half of what you tell him.

The people who insist that others share their hobbies eliminate most of the population, but worse, they don’t realize the damage they do to their patient partners.

The Wall St. Journal even wrote about this years ago in an article called “The Plight of the Training Widow,” a term coined to describe the woman whose alpha husband works hard and plays hard, waking up at 5am and going to sleep at 8:30pm, leaving her effectively widowed.

She may have a ring on her finger and a roof over her head. What she doesn’t have is much quality time with her partner.

So yes, Mandy, I hijacked your question to say something I’ve wanted to say for 14 years.

Many of my clients have passions: restoring houses, forming new businesses, traveling internationally. While such ventures are benign, when you consider how much time they take away from both meeting Mr. Right and nurturing a relationship with him, it’s no surprise when my clients continue to struggle.

In fact, perhaps the greatest thing I have going for me as a husband is that I have no hobbies! J

I work from 9 to 5:30.

I come out of work and play with my kids, bathe ‘em, feed ‘em, put ‘em to bed.

I eat dinner with my wife at 8 and watch TV until 9 or 10.

I go upstairs and read until I fall asleep.

I suppose you can say that reading is a hobby, but I only do it for one hour a day and I’m more than willing to sacrifice if circumstances demand. I also work out some mornings between 7:30-8:30, but that never gets in the way of our life. My wife and kids always come before my “hobbies.”

If your hobbies are structured similarly, that’s great. Keep doing what you’re doing. However, this is not the case for many people who prefer to build their relationships around their passions instead of vice versa. Alas, most of us don’t want to come in second to a video game or a cat.

Ultimately, the answer is determined by how happy YOU are in your relationship.

Nor should we.

I’m not here to tell you passionate hobbyists to immediately cease all activities outside your marriage. Really, I’m not. Whatever works for you.

If he plays golf for four hours every Saturday and Sunday, and you see it as a perfect time to ride your bike or see your girlfriends, that’s cool. Just don’t lose sight of the fact that every second you spend apart is a second you could be spending together. And last thing you want to be is the couple that leads separate lives, with hobbies that take the place of conversation and connection.

Long story short, Mandy, if a guy demands you take up four-wheeling to be with him, dump him.

But just because he likes four-wheeling doesn’t mean you ignore him; rather it means you get to determine over time if you are content with the effort he’s putting into the relationship.

If he rides every day after work and all weekend at the expense of your relationship, you know what to do. If he squeezes this in the hours you’re otherwise occupied, then congratulations, you found a way to make it work with a hobbyist.

Ultimately, the answer is determined by how happy YOU are in your relationship.

Join our conversation (117 Comments).
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  1. 21

    Daily exercise in moderation is great. But I think that doing marathons and 400 mile bike rides are a little extreme.

    What are those extreme exercisers running away from? My guess is a relationship where they have to actually participate.

    1. 21.1


      Speaking as someone who watched (and had to support, a VERY expensive and time consuming hobby) her father and other relatives die prematurely and painfully from unhealthy lifestyles, we’re running away from heart attacks, strokes, obesity 🏃🏾”â™€ï¸ðŸ¤¸ðŸ¾”â™€ï¸

      1. 21.1.1


        I am physically fit and understand the need to work out.   My point is you don’t need to run a marathon or do triathlons to keep healthy. My male friends who are work out junkies have a hard time maintaining relationships with their girlfriends. They can get the girl but can’t keep her.

        Their is an interesting book called “Blue Zones” It is a study by Dan Buettner that shows the habits and lifestyle of people who live to be over 100 and are healthy to boot. I don’t remember any of the people being extreme in any aspect of their life.

  2. 22

    Very interesting posts and comments. The OP is still in the dating stage. My two cents is to be open to these guys that are writing to her – my personal experience with the “extreme activity” guy is that my boyfriend and I met offline. He described his online dating profile and it basically said “I exercise 1000 hours a week” and only talked about health, 65 mile bike rides, etc – which would have really put me off because it sounded obsessive (I am happy with working out 1 hour a day 5 days a week and going for a walk on the other days or a weekend hike). However he revealed over time that he started exercising multiple hours a day because he was lonely in his failing marriage, and the physical activity helped him deal with his divorce and the passing of his father, and as a single guy, he had a lot of time to fill up.   So guess what – when he met me and we fell in love, he adjusted. He looks great and wants to maintain it, but when we’re spending the weekend together we go on shorter bike rides, hikes or just walks around town and during the week I’ll join him for a yoga and calisthenics in the morning and he goes on his run or swim in the afternoon on his own most of the time. Point is, he wants to spend a lot of time with me, and though he prefers that it be in an active way, it’s not a problem as it encourages me to be fit and I prefer being outdoors on a nice day even when I’m alone. Along with health goes cooking and we both enjoy that too, even going to the supermarket for ingredients, so that builds in more time we can spend together pretty effortlessly.   For the OP, these guys might want to impress you with their athletic prowess and seem strong and manly, but you may be pleasantly surprised that a guy who is really into you will dial it down so he can spend more time with you. (I always listed surfing and scuba diving on my dating profile but I rarely have time to do those things lately – but they made me sound interesting and cool, hopefully!) I think you should only be concerned if how you want to spend your time is the total opposite. If you prefer an air conditioned movie theatre on a sunny day to hiking (moderately) by a lake, you might find yourself never spending time together or putting a LOT of energy in to compromising.

  3. 23

    Whilst I agree with the sentiment, there is also something quite great about sharing a passion with your partner. In our case, it is running a business and working together. Having both come from marriages where we were “tolerated” for that passion and drive – it is very refreshing to be part of a team with a shared vision of both happily working together, as a team, for 12 hour days :-D. granted, we are unusual in that we aren’t 9-5ers.

    Would it have been a dealbreaker if he wasn’t like me in that regard? No. Is it a whole lot nicer to be with someone who ‘gets it’? Yes. Does it have the potential to erode a relationship over time if you feel unsupported in your passion? Yes.

  4. 24

    This is true.   Wouldn’t it also apply to mama’s boys in a way?   Too much passion for one thing or person?

  5. 25
    Cletus Rothschild

    Great article with a terrible title. People with serious passions can be seriously engaging, especially if that passion is shared. And guess what? Perhaps one of the reasons why people place their passions front and center in their profiles is because they’re targeting that 1% pool of people who also share their passions. Similarly, I wrote my profile with an entirely humorous bent. It had hints of who I am along with the jokes that was very well-received by a number of women. There was a lot of self-deprecating humor that could be taken literally to conclude that I was too flawed. A friend read it and complained that women would arrive at false conclusions about me because as she said, “we’re judgmental creatures”. That was one of my very specific purposes: I hoped that it would intrigue women who, as so many of them write in their profiles, “love to laugh”, and I also hoped that I would weed out those judgmental creatures about whom my friend spoke.

  6. 26

    I’ve never heard this point of view before and was really surprised to read it! Volunteering with children takes up a lot of my time, but I think it’s a good thing as it boosts my confidence, I meet a lot of other caring people and I’m hoping the childcare experience will be useful if I meet the one! I’m hoping that the effort I put into my fitness will help attract someone, and doing TV/modelling on the side of a PhD has also done a lot to raise my self-esteem. I get a lot of comments on how happy I always seem as a result, and I think people like that! Plus having my own things going on mean I’m less clingy when seeing someone, and prevents me from falling apart when I get dumped. That said, I  haven’t had a boyfriend for four years, and it doesn’t look like this is going to change for a while. But I need something to fill up the space before someone comes along, otherwise I’d spend all my time being miserable over being single!

  7. 27

    I love this topic so much. Thanks Evan and everyone who’s contributing their viewpoints, I’ve learned a few things this morning.

    A few months ago I met a great guy and at first we seemed super compatible. Except it turns out he lives to work. His work has taken over his whole life. His boss calls him late Saturday night (!!) and tells him he has to be in Kansas City Sunday instead of Monday. Emergency!! (No, no one’s life was at risk)

    He *says* he doesn’t like it and he complains to his manager “you can’t do this to me”.   Pretty victim-y. And he ended up telling me “Yeah, they rely on me more than they should but they’re a young company. What are ya gonna do”.

    And of course I’m the one saying well, if you want a good relationship as much as you say you do, set boundaries.   Which I’ve become very skilled at through hard work and practice.

    I’ve met several men who have a full time job during the week and work a part-time job on the weekends, but then complain about women who are too busy for a relationship. Kinda blows me away.

    I’m with Evan on this one. Time with each other is critical, otherwise what’s the point?




  8. 28

    I think a lot of people invest so much in their hobbies because they are single and looking for constructive ways to spend their time. Having said that, I know I’m not compatible with the super adventurous, outdoorsy types so I generally don’t waste my time trying to date them.

    Also, for those into MBTI, these adventurous types are usually of the SP temperament – which may not be a good fit for everyone:

    “Artisans want to be where the action is; they seek out adventure and show a constant hunger for pleasure and stimulation. They believe that variety is the spice of life, and that doing things that aren’t fun or exciting is a waste of time. Artisans are impulsive, adaptable, competitive, and believe the next throw of the dice will be the lucky one.”

    Source:  http://www.keirsey.com/4temps/artisan_overview.asp

  9. 29

    I’m a female avid boater in Florida and I am only interested in some one who shares this passion. It’s something I’m not going to compromise on and if that makes finding some one to date more challenging, I’m perfectly ok waiting

  10. 30

    I agree completely with Evan. I dated a man for two plus years that had not just one extreme hobby but five. He was married three times and had 15+ short term relationships in between. I know, I know. Red flags I chose to ignore. In his words, I was the closest he came to a good match, because I also enjoy outdoor activities. It was also because I chose to give up me and my time to be with him, for reasons I now understand and won’t repeat. His identity was anchored in those activities, not in a relationship, even though he desperately craved companionship. It got to the point after two years when I asked for more commitment, just one weekend away not doing his stuff, that he responded that he could give me one weekend every 6 weeks, and that he just wanted part time…do the math! He basically wanted his cake and to eat it to. It took me a while to realize and accept I wasn’t that important and to take the cake off his menu. Every couple has and should have activities they enjoy together and those that they enjoy apart. But the overarching and main passion should be the relationship, because you can always find activity buddies. The whole reason to seek a relationship is because you want to be together physically and emotionally and it should bring you the same type of satisfaction, growth, adventure, challenge and joy that your activities do. My ex did not want to give up his passions and goals because of his emotional and psychological needs around them. He is now going broke trying to pay for them, doesn’t want to go back to the corporate grind because it takes away from those hobbies, and he lost the closest thing to a good relationship with me that he’s ever had. He thinks that “it is just difficult to make a relationship at our age (50’s) work”, but doesn’t see it’s him that gets in the way of ever having a close relationship. There is nothing wrong with extreme sports or hobbies, but just like other things, such as still being married or recently separated, emotional stuff, narcissism, etc. it makes you unavailable for a relationship. My advice to anyone out there that has a pattern of being with unavailable people is to realize this type of person is just another version, and if you want to break your pattern, add them to your list of “no-go’s”.

  11. 31

    Um, so what do you do if you are female, have “serious passions and hobbies”, and still want a partner?   I understand that some of these people you are talking about have these other activities because they are emotionally unavailable, but I am a person as you say, looking for someone to “tolerate” (or even be turned on by) my various interests.   I do have the time to have a relationship but don’t need to be with a guy 24-7.   However, in my dating experience it seems to be a turnoff, despite male friends saying they like a girl who is passionate about things.

    To be fair, I am up front when asked about not wanting kids (another killer for me in dating, it seems) because I am into my different interests at this time (as well as many other reasons).   It’s difficult for me to imagine how to have kids plus a healthy relationship plus my interests (which are also my various means of income).   I get my kids fix by interacting with family kids/friends’ kids/volunteering/teaching, it works for me.

    1. 31.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      You are entitled to do whatever makes you happy as an independent woman. Your desire to pursue your interests and passions, your desire to not have kids, your desire to not want to be with a guy 24/7 (although I don’t know who recommends that) are all perfectly fair.

      The question is how many men want a girlfriend who is trying to slot him in between her other obligations as opposed to making him feel like a priority? The greatest gift you can give a man (and he can give in return) is TIME. If you have a healthy balance, you should have no trouble finding a man who loves what you have to offer. A lot of “passionate” people do NOT have that balance; they’ve just filled up their life as busy single people do, and aren’t willing to let go of anything to make room for a partner. Only you can say which person you are.

      1. 31.1.1

        I think this is where I get confused…I do have these different passions, they are integral to me as both interests and things I do for income. I see advice about trying to keep busy when single, doing things you like, trying some new ones, not waiting around or being TOO available (just available enough). If a guy shows interest, I definitely make space for him- but especially with online dating (the main way I’ve been meeting me) it seems a lot of dudes count me out before we even start (like, literally have people send me as a first message something like- how do you even have time to date? But I totally do!). I think maybe I need help with how to show I am available even as a multi-faceted lady. This is relevant to me in real life too- just yesterday had a new neighbor I just met this week say how he had assumed I wasn’t single, I “just seemed like [I] wasn’t looking, and confident”. I don’t have a lot of guys make a move on me in real life and this sort of statement has been said to me many time, how people are surprised I’m single.

        1. Yet Another Guy


          You sound like you are doing the single, childless woman equivalent of putting “my kids always come first” in your profile.   While most people doing the online dating thing realize that the majority of dates originating online will fall into the one-and-done category, no man wants to go into a date with a woman who feels the need to project that she is not “too available.”

          Please take a minute and think about your past relationships.   How many of your relationships started as a series of well-planned dates that fit into a busy schedule?   I am willing to bet that the number is close to nil. Most guys desire a woman who is available to do things spontaneously because most relationships start out as a planned date or two followed by spontaneous encounters intermixed with planned dates.   That is why single dads who are looking for romance often pursue childless women or women whose children are grown.   Single dads are already constrained in their ability to be spontaneous by their own children, and most single dads do not have physical custody like most single moms.

          In the end, there is no such thing is as being too available to someone who is genuinely interested in you. There is such a thing as being too clingy or too controlling, but those two qualities are entirely different kettles of fish.

        2. Mrs Happy

          Dear hellothar,

          even once people are in a relationship, I notice men want their woman available when it suits them.   For example, I have a number of married friends whose husbands will be away at work all day and then busy with work or serious cycling or golf half the weekend too, but these men seem to want/expect their wives to be available to them, in the 1-2 hour slot of a weekday evening which suits the man – when he is home and not occupied with his work, screen or hobby – and the times on a weekend which suit the man.   Even things like the woman talking on the phone with a friend, or being on facebook, or planning/doing exercise, during those “he is available” times, make the man feel she is not prioritising him.   I have a friend who actually won’t talk on the phone at some times because it makes her husband sook.   I don’t talk intimately enough with husbands about this topic to know whether the reverse is true.

          But my take-home to you is this: men are seeing you won’t be able to do this and many other things for them, be available when it suits them, so they aren’t as interested.

          I’d take the emphasis off your hobbies in your online profile, mention them less enthusiastically, for a start.

        3. hellothar

          Hey it didn’t let me reply to your comments directly.   I have lots of free time (when I’m in civilization, which is maybe 80% of the year currently; one of the things I do is long-distance hiking/travel writing).   My gigs (I have 4 things I do for a living) don’t take up that much time actually, I definitely work only 20 or so hours a week at most, and most of that I’m able to schedule myself.   Lots and lots of free time and flexibility.

          I’ve never had a relationship before.   Anything that started as something (that unfortunately became a situation I got rejected in, when I made a move), it happened tho with flexible schedules.   The last guy I started to see that ultimately ghosted me after couple dates (tho he also ghosted most of our mutual friends, and quit a group we’re in) broke it off for a couple reasons (some of which I don’t know, but also primarily because of grief, and an ex who started popping up everywhere, including showing up at his new apartment he never told her about, since we started dating) but one reason I suspect was that I was too available, I told him it was easier for me at the time to be flexible to meet, as he worked a more conventional job, he expressed feeling bad about it a few times, or surprise that my schedule was that accomodating.   I don’t know how to balance the being available with showing it, I don’t feel like I act unavailable but somehow people think that I guess?

          I did tone down the hobbies-slash-jobs on my profile, I’ve actually found that a lot fewer men contact me, and lower quality (before it was a mix, but a lot more well-thought out replies with the junky ones, now it’s mostly “hey, beautiful” or kinda boring ones, like maybe they read my profile, but nothing in common I can tell, the dates with any of these men I decided to go for it played out similarly, no connection).   Not sure.   I might stick it out a bit with this profile, or change it back, or something else.

  12. 32


    You sound like the female version of my ex boyfriend. He also wanted to pursue his various hobbies, and even quit his career so he had more time for them, and has tried to make money with his outdoor pursuits, even knowing he couldn’t support them by being a guide or instructor, and a consultant. And his previous failed three marriages and many “relationships” before me, as well as ours, still hasn’t seemed to convince him of the problem of him trying to have it all. He was not willing to give up any of his many pursuits, skiing, kayaking, sailboat, mountaineering to foster a relationship he also claimed he was capable of having. Even if he only had a sailboat, it is difficult and why there are so many single, older sailors. I am still baffled at how he thinks he can have it all, without any intent or effort to give up any one of them to have just a little time, not 24/7 (no healthy relationship does that anyways) to have a functioning relationship where each person’s desires and goals are considered. I asked him why he didn’t date other outdoor people, and he basically said he wasn’t attracted to them, and he mentioned that his ex’s would leave him stranded to take care of their families or friend, be too busy with their careers or just want to shop or run errands in their free time! Go figure! He also told me that his ideal person would be one that made good money, and also had time to support him. In the end, I was never a priority and only a good girlfriend if I joined him in his activities, didn’t want any time with him other than doing his pursuits, and only literally would give me a day or two every six weeks. I was never a priority, never worth him giving up his time, and in fact he made me feel bad or guilty when I asked for my needs. I don’t think he will ever be able to have a long term relationship. It is my opinion that he needs to either accept his outdoor pursuits come with being alone, or someday (not likely at his age), that he will need to put aside some of his pursuits for a relationship, or when he physically can’t do them understand it will be very difficult to find a woman that wants to take care of his worn down body because of his pursuits in his old age.

  13. 33

    I came to this thread because I am facing this issue now.   My partner is wonderful and is seriously engaged in marathoning.   I was a runner and have run multiple half marathons and one full marathon so I do understand the time it takes and it does take significant time to train for a full marathon in particular.   That plus the time spent stretching, researching gear, resting, etc is quite a bit.

    My issue now is that I’m at a place in life where I want a partner who wants to spend time together.   Exercise and spending some time on a passion is fine.   But every weekend for at least 4-5 hours on Saturday morning is wearing on me.   Especially since he’s exhausted on Saturday night and Friday night is in bed early to prepare for the run.   I have a lot of interests and hobbies and can certainly pursue them as I did when I was single, but I want a real partnership and when he is running 6 days per week at long distances, it can be tough.

    I agree with Evan in this and hope we can come to a compromise.   As of now, he has tentatively agreed to not run a full in the Spring but that changed last year as well.   I’m beginning to really wonder if this hobby is just an unavailability disguised as a passion. Thanks for the post and interesting read.

    Oh, and before I get crucified for my feelings, I 100% supported his races, was out there with signs, organized friends to support him, gave him massages after long runs, etc.   I feel like it really is his turn to compromise.

  14. 34

    As one of those self made Entrepreneurial types with many hobbies and passions (call it a lust for life) I can empathize and commend people who are content and happy working 9-5 who then take advantage of most of their free time to spend with their loved ones and family, I actually admire that. I just cant do it ! Yes I do spend time with my family and my loved ones but I try to get them involved in the activities I’m passionate about be it sailing, surfing, or hill walking. Either way , I needed to be very very picky when it came to the lovely woman I settled down with. Luckily I met a self employed woman who was passionate about fitness and we both have some common activities that we can do together that include the Kids. In saying that we still do have the odd disagreement concerning the amount of time I devote to work and hobbies as opposed to time spent with kids or her. Trying to keep the balance is not easy. I’m of the belief that our expectations in the western world are set way too high. In our modern society we have grown to become more and needy and dependent. The: “I want it all and now” attitude makes relationships nearly impossible to function properly. Were all different, we all have our own specific desires in life in order to find some level of happiness and that differs greatly from person to person. I’ve had to tone down my desires and passions, even let go of some of my hobbies in order to make my relationship work. There is a level of lasting joy that coincides with being in a happy relationship that far exceeds the sporadic joys of different hobbies and experiences or goals achieved. My Partner also I think, has made some changes to her expectations. There is no Perfect man who is passionate, successful, handsome, motivated, athletic, great in bed, completely understands woman, has the emotional make up of a Dr. Phil, is interested in everything your interested in , is a protector and provider and by some sort of a miracle has all the free time in the world to devote to you and your every whim and somehow manages to spend quality time with the Kids.. That Man does not Exist. If he did he’d be the unhappiest human being in the world and would die of exhaustion. Sorry ! Stop looking for him. Stop getting frustrated that you cannot find all these qualities in your partner. Stop expecting so much from men and from relationships in general and we’ll all be the happier for it 🙂 If you can find a partner who you think is about 30% perfect then your doing better than most. Keep that in mind and be thankful for it. I find it incredible that our population on the planet is higher than it has ever been in history and with all these people to choose from the number of single people who cannot find a suitable partner has doubled in the past 20 years. The average marriage only lasts 7-8 years at most. All the while 25 – 30 somethings in America are reporting their hugest hurdles in life (outside of trying to pay back student loans) are trying cope with loneliness and anxiety. Maybe were pushing the envelope. Maybe the information provided on the internet, advertising, and the drive to push over consumerism has led us to expect much more out of life and much more out of each other than is humanly possible. Consider that and use your common sense to guide your way in love.

    1. 34.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      “There is no Perfect man who is passionate, successful, handsome, motivated, athletic, great in bed, completely understands woman, has the emotional make up of a Dr. Phil, is interested in everything your interested in, is a protector and provider and by some sort of a miracle has all the free time in the world to devote to you and your every whim and somehow manages to spend quality time with the Kids.. That Man does not Exist.”

      You’re reading his blog, Enrico. Enjoy. 🙂

  15. 35

    Hi I have just come across this thread. I can tell you first hand what it’s like to be with someone who dosent make you a priority and feel important in a relationship . I was with someone obsessed with watching footy every weekend. I would sit there with him . This went on for 2 years very occasionally I’d get him out . A few dinners 2 movies. He dosent like sitting in a cinema ,rather sit at home watching a movie. Though he would spend time with his friends funny when it ask him over to my place for dinner he would come but have to be home for bed by 8.30pm .granted he’s up early but mostly it would be no. Had to be his way. Then I got sick and things got worse no intimacy affection. The crunch came when he decided to spend an important day with his family . I wasn’t invited. I dropped his sorry ass. Then 3months later has asking to get back with me. I toldl him things need to change. Dates go to a footy .match together Well things where improving intimacy but he still had problems making time for me . He has recently dumped me. After I told him I couldn’t tolerate something he did. So Evan I agree life would have been lonely for me if I had made it him

  16. 36
    Tonya Apking

    I fell for a guy who is an extreme hiker, bowler, golfer, and card player. He takes trips around the world, sometimes weeks at a time. He caddies for women’s golf tournaments in Florida in the summer. When I hiked with him in the Smokies he literally left me and went ahead instead of enjoying it at my speed. Now I know you are thinking why bother. Well he motivated me to step out of my comfort zone. But of course he was emotionally unavailable. He changed plans last minute. He never planned ahead. I finally broke free.

  17. 37

    Very interesting topic and comments.
    I followed everything as an outsider and tried to understand both points of view. I respect those of you who trully live for your partner and for the kids, but not everybody is like that.
    High value persons may also have dreams beside marriage and kids.
    I disagree with the extreme type that neglects his partner for hobbies 5 days out of 7, but if somebody would come and tell me to renounce my passions just to prioritize my partner, it s just seems to me that is a bit selfish and that person does not love you for what you are. I make sacrifices and reschedule my program in order to spend more time with my girlfriend, I am not absurd, but from the outside your Point of view sounds like : You need to reprioritize your life that your partner becomes 1st priority.
    I am not saying that your partner should remain a lower priority, but forcing others to change is not exactly selfless true love. A compromise between both partners must be found.

  18. 38

    Then you should find hobby too that would take lot of your time. Like programming or 3d modelling.

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