Why Short Men Make Better Husbands

Why short men make better husbands


It pains me that after 8 years of blogging, this blog post about women discriminating against short men online remains my most “popular” one yet. And yet I’m not surprised in the least. It has a whiff of science (an experiment where we raised a man’s height on Match and watched his responses balloon), a controversial take (give short guys a chance), and an outraged readership (short men and Asian men who falsely thought I was insulting them, women who insist that it’s impossible to be attracted to short men). Hell, thinking about it, I should probably write more blog posts based on that formula.

We all know that short men have, for lack of a better term, drawn the short stick when it comes to women and attraction.

Nonetheless, this New Republic article provides fodder for discussion on the topic of short men. It suggests, that like  Avis rental cars, if you’re #2, you work harder.

Now, we all know that short men have, for lack of a better term, drawn the short stick when it comes to women and attraction. “A pair of sociologists found that 48.9 percent of women restricted their online dating searches to men who were taller than them. (Men were less picky: Just 13.5 percent wouldn’t consider a taller woman.)”

This isn’t news. All you need is a set of eyes and ears to see how tall guys are preferred by women. The interesting thing, of course, is that there is no inherent value to dating a taller man. He doesn’t need to protect you from falling objects. He doesn’t need to physically fight bad guys. It’s really a more primal and shallow feeling: “I can’t help what I’m attracted to” or “I want my kids to be tall” or “I want to feel feminine”. That last one is the real kicker, and it’s what I want to take a second to explore.

Femininity is not about his size relative to yours, but about security. How he makes you FEEL. Thus, you’re not attracted to a man purely because he’s tall; you’re attracted to him because he makes you feel feminine. So find other qualities about a man that will make you feel feminine to satisfy this need.

You’re not attracted to him because he’s rich, you’re attracted to him because he represents a stable future and the promise of not having to worry about money.

You’re not attracted to him because he’s a “bad boy,” you’re attracted to him having a spine, an opinion, and being able to stand up for himself.

Once you realize that height is a primal substitute for those feelings, you can expand your search to included shorter men. And you’ll be glad you did. Since short men are largely overlooked in the dating pool, those who get married make for giving and loyal partners.

Femininity is not about his size relative to yours, but about security. How he makes you FEEL. So find other qualities about a man that will make you feel feminine to satisfy this need.

“Divorce rates for tall and average men were basically indistinguishable, but 32 percent lower for short men. Weitzman explains this by saying that women who are “resistant” to marrying short men are more likely to “opt out” before it gets to the point of marriage: “There’s something distinct about the women who marry short men.”

“Or maybe it’s just that short men make better partners. They do a greater share of housework: On average, they perform 8 hours and 28 minutes per week of houseworkconstituting about 28 percent of the totalcompared to 7 hours 38 minutes for average men and 7 hours 30 minutes for tall men. And they’re more likely to be the breadwinners: Conley and Weitzman estimate that 78 percent of short men out-earn their partners, compared to 69 percent of average men and 71 percent of tall men. Although other research has suggested that taller men earn moreperhaps because of employers’ biasesthey didn’t find evidence of income disparity among the different height groups. Tall men may be, in Weitzman’s words, “aware of the status that is conferred by their tallness”which might make them less motivated to pitch in at home.”

If you’ve been reading for awhile, you’re already well aware that the best husbands aren’t the tallest or richest, but rather, the ones who are sensitive to your emotional cues, and help out with the housework and childrearing. In other words, the ones who are loyal, giving, and work extra hard to ensure your happiness.

So, please, consider the virtues of shorter guys. Not for their sake, but for yours.

Join our conversation (169 Comments).
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  1. 21

    Wow…I have to say I am somewhat appalled by some comments on here. To those stating that attraction to certain types of men is innate, or can’t be changed, I must disagree. Many of you aren’t willing to entertain the idea of dating a shorter man due to the awkwardness in the height difference. Yet you point out that men aren’t chided for preferring only blondes, or busty girls, or 8-10’s. Bottom line: women who only date taller men are restricting the number of great guys they could be dating. The same goes with men who only date gorgeous women, or blondes, or busty babes–they are restricting their dating pool.

    That is the bottom line here.

    And no, being attracted to a certain “type” is not innate. At 27, I must say that I am no longer attracted to the types of guys who made me swoon at the age of 22. Why? Attraction is all in our heads–it changes as we mature and gain experiences in life. Only when I challenged my beliefs about what I thought was attractive to me did I end up in a great relationship. Now, a man enjoying a pizza and arcade night with his son catches my eye more than height would. True story. Watching father and son–it was just so adorable. And I can’t tell you how tall he was. Or how much facial hair he had. Or his eye color.  

    1. 21.1


      I have to disagree with you and I believe attraction at least to a certain point IS innate.    My body responds to what it responds to. I don’t force it. I don’t tell it what  to do…it just DOES. And while you are right that your dating pool will be limited if you  have certain restrictions, then it simply is what it is.

      If your theory is correct, then we can ALL control what we feel entirely and be attracted to just about anyone on the planet.   Now, how does that sound? So in other words, I can be attracted physically to a man whether he is thin, overweight, or severely obese. Why limit it to just short men? I can be attracted to a man who is 80 years old or 25 years old.   See what I did there? We  all have restrictions, whether we would like to admit it or not. So,  unless you can tell me that you can control  who you are attracted to every  single time…

      And, I gave short guys a chance. As I said in my previous post, I dated  two men who were shorter than me in the past.   I tried and tried but looking down at my  boyfriend  was a turnoff.   I tried to change this but I  never wanted to have sex with him because of that fact.      And, while many men are attracted to the buxom blonde, they are also be able to be attracted to other types of women as long as she fits into the parameters of who  he can be turned on by and there is nothing wrong with that. This is why we are all made differently and we will appeal to different people and THAT’S OKAY. Attraction CANNOT be forced.      To believe otherwise is to resist the academics of nature.        

    2. 21.2

      Noemi – Perhaps some women are capable of “learning to love” someone they aren’t initially attracted to and some women aren’t.   Much like some people are bi-sexual, some are homosexual, and most are heterosexual. Society has been trying to shame LGBT into traditional heterosexual relationships (or celibacy)   through violence, shame, the threat of hell, and accusations that they “chose” their sexual orientation and that they could “choose” to either be heterosexual or celibate, but they are just defiantly shaking their fist at society, God and all that is good and holy, with their deliberate refusal to either enter into a heterosexual relationship or remain celibate.   How did that work for us as a society ?   How many people have suffered from entering into a relationship with a gay person desperately fighting against THEIR natural sexual inclinations in order to appease larger society and appear “normal”.   How do you think it felt to be the heterosexual in that union, to find out that your beloved spouse and parent to your children never really loved you “in that way” and was just using you to appease society at large and to feel normal ?
      Same with people’s ability to enjoy casual sex.   (particularly with women)   Some women can handle casual sex, most women can’t.   So you have the NSA girls prude shaming the relationship girls (even though this blog is mostly for women who want to fall in love) and slut shaming by the so called “nice girls” has always been a problem.   (with the definition of “slut” being, any woman who enjoys sex differently than the nice girl)
      Most of the women I have ever met who go from one relationship to the next with no space in between are women who have never not liked a guy who pursued them.     Any guy who showed an interest could have them.   When they broke up, the next guy in line became her boyfriend, etc.   So if a woman truly has the ability to be attracted to any man who wants her, she is indeed very lucky, but that doesn’t make women who DON’T feel attracted to just anybody wrong.
      I have a friend who ONLY likes bushy bearded guys, and I usually prefer men who are clean cut.   Neither one of us feel the need to shame the other over our preferences.   To me, trying to shame and scold women into being attracted to men they aren’t is like trying to force someone to eat liver if they don’t like it.   You MIGHT succeed in shoving that liver down their throats while telling them it’s for their own good, but you will not succeed in making them like liver.
      I could increase my dating pool by dating women, or guys in their 30’s (I am 59) or guys that I feel NO ATTRACTION TO WHATSOEVER, just for the sake of being in a relationship.   But I would rather be single than to either be in a relationship where I am being mistreated or to be in a relationship with a man to whom I FEEL NO SEXUAL ATTRACTION at all.    
      No amount of shaming or blaming will change that.
      I should also get a “pass” on not being attracted to bushy bearded men since height is not an issue for me when it comes to attraction.   (That’s just a facetious comment : P )
      Women who can be attracted to any man who likes them are very lucky indeed.   Women who’s attraction works differently will struggle more with relationships, but that doesn’t make them wrong.   Now, marrying a man when you don’t like his face, and are throwing up in your mouth a bit when he nuzzling you for sex ?   Now THAT’s wrong.

  2. 22
    Elisabeth Hamilton

    5’11” and have found short dudes dig tall women. Tall dudes dig the short chicks.   My last 2 boyfriends were shorter and so is my current by a 1/4″ But I love him to pieces and and he is pro heels. But if we are going out I’ll stick with the flatter of the shoes. But agreed with the tall women from above, sorta creepy when you have to bend down to give your boyfriend a kiss goodnight on the forehead.   Not very romantic when you have to bend your knees to get on the same kissing level. Or for him on his tippy toes!!  

    1. 22.1
      Corey N

      Your boyfriend is not short! What a trolling comment…

  3. 23
    Karmic Equation

    I think all you ladies are missing Evan’s point.
    He’s not suggesting you give a short man a chance simply because he is short. He’s suggesting not to rule out dating a man just because he’s short.
    If you’re online dating, and you like his pix, what he wrote in his profile, and his opening message to you, and you then check his stats and notice that he’s shorter than you, go on a date with him anyway. How did he go from someone you thought you were attracted to to someone not worth dating once you saw the height? THAT is what Evan is counseling against. Don’t use physicality to rule out a guy you otherwise found attractive.
    Of course we can’t help what we’re attracted to, but RULING OUT men that we’re otherwise attracted to merely based on his height is what is limiting your dating pool.
    You don’t have to “seek out” short men to date (unless you want to). But if he has an engaging profile and a face you think you can kiss, there is nothing to lose in going on one date with him.  

    1. 23.1

      Awesome reply, Karmic.

      And I believe your commentary highlights something important.. something that needs to be repeated, because it’s a mistake that gets told over and over..

      -Short males aren’t automatically unattractive.

      There are a lot of corollaries from that, but it’s important.

      And for you women who are strongly “turned-off” by shorter men? No worries, I am not directing anything at you.   All I ask is that you don’t ridicule or try to deter any friends who may be considering shorter men as dating material; it’s this type of behavior that is once source of the hate for shorter men, by too many women.

      Yes, I said “hate”, because it really does apply.   I could easily tell  my   anecdotal experiences, and those of other shorter men  I know, where women ridicule shorter men even while we are sitting/standing “right there”.   (No joke.. has happened too many times)   Look at the content of this link,  if you have the gumption. And this is only one source; I could easily find twenty more (no exaggeration), if I wanted.


  4. 24

    I imagine very short men trigger something in some women’s brains that make them seem not just less masculine but child like. Despite the pervasive trend of high school teachers getting involved withe students, we know this is unnatural. I think that’s what coming into play when women say they feel “repulsed.” It’s a harsh word but it’s the first response.
    Im plus sized and prefer a stocky look and feel on a guy but I will explore any viable partner. My last boyfriend was so skinny he reminded me of the Vlassic pickle stork with the boney legs but I pushed past that and we had a relationship for a year and a half. With time I focused more on that parts of him that were attractive to me. All I’m saying is to be willing to take a chance on someone who isn’t your type. If you don’t feel any chemistry by date two or three just go on your way. No harm, no foul.


  5. 25

    Hello, first time poster here. Usually I’m just a lurker, but since I just got engaged last weekend, two years after following Evan’s dating advice and meeting a wonderful guy (who is 5’4″), I thought I might chime in.

    Being almost 5’4″ myself, my original criteria for choosing a guy was that he should be at least few inches taller than I am, but within the first month of my online dating experience, a gentleman with an interesting profile, nice photo, and great manners sent me a thoughtfully constructed message to get to know me. The only thing that made me reluctant to reply was that his profile states that he is 5’4″ (which I thought meant that he is 5’2″). However, following Evan’s advice about being open minded, I decided to give it a shot.

    That turned out to be the best decision I’ve ever made. When my now-fiance messaged me, he had already spent two years on the dating site, but had he only been a few inches taller, I’m sure that he would have been gone from the dating pool looong ago. He is kind, honest, consistent, even-tempered, family-oriented and everything else I wanted my future husband to be. All his great qualities more than made up for the lack of those few inches in height, which honestly I don’t even notice anymore nowadays.

    The point I’m trying to make is, people are attracted to what they are attracted to, but by jumping to conclusion based on one criteria, you may be missing out on the person who is absolutely perfect for you. The same goes for men: I would only rate myself as maybe a 6-7 tops in terms of looks, but if my finance was too shallow to give me a chance because of that, he would have missed out on a great woman, and that would be his loss.

    So thank you, Evan, for all the good work you do.   

    1. 25.1

      6-7 is what your everyman is going for. he knows 8+ is punching about his weight unless he has a combination of looks/wealth/status. if anything he’s settling for you because you saw his height as something he had to make up for, and something you had to deal with until it stopped bothering you. i’ve heard women say something along the lines of that and that’s my cue for the relationship won’t work out. they usually think they can do better or deserve better and frankly i deserve better than that kind of second class treatment for something i can’t do anything about. meanwhile women are complaining endlessly about men choosing women by criteria they have almost complete control over:good attitude+healthy lifestyle.

      1. 25.1.1

        rawr, I think your response is less than “kind”.

        1) In this age, the fact is that regardless of whether a woman finds a man attractive or not (and in this case, Evey DID find her husband attractive), lack of height is a source of bigotry, and unfortunately social ridicule.

        Most women who have the ability to find shorter men attractive, are still “deathly” scared of that ridicule. It plays a huge role in the dating game, hence why I address this unreasonable prejudice head-on.   (e.g. “Napoleon” or “Short man” complex is inherently false)   Until that prejudice is reduced, many women will continue to be hesitant.

        2) In the strictest sense, almost everyone settles, because the even taller men don’t necessarily have the “goods” to get an “8, 9 or 10”.   Look around and you’ll see plenty of them.   Of course, taller men have no special stigma attached to them, and that’s a major difference.   Still, it’s unfair of you to discard her love and passion for her man with the derisive, cold, clinical concept of “just settling”.   It’s not that simple.

  6. 26

    My first love was relatively short (about 5 feet 6) and simply one of the most amazing guys alive–cute, smart, funny, principled, sweet, rich, talented, and popular. (Yeah I know some of those things shouldn’t matter, but hey they matter when u’re a teen!) Women who exclude guys on basis of height are probably losing out, and I feel sorry for them. People complain about men being discriminatory against certain things too, but I personally feel that the modern woman is picker than a man on average.  

    Btw today was one of those rare times I check my junk mail to see if any non-junk accidentally ended up there, and a non-junk email had!   I saw an email from the EMK website:
    ” Important, please read! In an effort to improve the deliverability of my emails to your inbox, I have recently switched my email service provider.”

    The irony. :p Y’all may wanna check your junk mail to see if EMK’s website’s new email provider has also been   mis-classified as junk/spam.  

  7. 27

    As a 5’7″ man I guess I’m considered too short for many women.   I guess I’m supposed to feel bad or upset about being looked over by many women because of my height.   I guess I’m supposed to feel slighted (pun intentional) and I guess I should feel obligated to rant on about how life is so unfair.   But here’s the thing: I don’t feel this way and I’m not mad or upset.   I can’t change my height so I don’t worry about it.   It is what it is and if a woman is not attracted to me because of my height, oh well.   It’s not my issue and it’s their loss, not mine.   Don’t like me because you think I’m short?   Fine. I.don’t.care.   Plenty of women out there that don’t have any issues with my height.   Next!

    1. 27.1

      Right attitude to have. I come from a smaller family, my father is 5’7, my brother 5’6 my mother and I are 5’4. To me a man your height is very average, I wouldn’t see why it would be a big deal. My brother at his height has had little trouble finding women. If your confident people will be drawn to you. And the haters? Oh well their loss.

    2. 27.2

      Date a girl my height. You still have a half a foot on her!

    3. 27.3
      Corey N


      Dude, women do not see it as a loss so quit it. Height should not be a hard req for the same reasons many other physical traits are not hard reqs. “Ya killing me Harry!”…  

  8. 28

    One of the issue’s we men deal obviously have to deal with regarding how tall a woman is and what SHE finds attractive is that it’s not just about how tall she NATURALLY is, it’s of course the how tall she is when she’s wearing her fricken 3″ heels. If I had a buck for every profile that tells me she’ll be wearing high heels so I must be at least _______ I’d be richer than Bill Gates. It’s gotten to the point when I see a woman whose 5’8″ my mind immediately goes to 5’11”. I’m 5’11” with my boots on…lol  and I don’t email any women over 5’8″ and rarely email the ones that ARE 5’8″……why? It would be a complete waste of my time. I can speak for most men, it’s hard enough to get a woman whose actually shorter than us to email us back but a woman whose approx. the same or taller? I’ve got better odds of winning the lottery….lol Unless of course I told her I’m already a lottery millionaire. One thing I’ve learned about women, the more $$$ you have/make the more likely they’ll over look those pesky “unattractive” physical traits.

  9. 29

    Couldn’t even get through all the comments. What I hear is:

    I like taller men. Deal with it. You can’t tell me what I’m attracted to.

    And all the while. I read and keep hearing.(Not necessarily here.) Real women have curves. And you men are shallow if you don’t think big is beautiful.  

    1. 29.1

      Morris, that is the irony isn’t it? From your perspective, the problem is women preferring taller men, while on the woman’s side, the problem is men preferring very attractive, thinner women. As I said, if your preferences aren’t keeping you from finding love, then there is no problem, but if you are striking out, you need to reassess your priorities.

      I also think you miss that women have been hearing for many years that they aren’t good enough, that it just is what it is, when men prefer thinner women. So then they see this thread, and they feel no sympathy because they know that what these guys are really saying is that they can’t get one of the top 20 or 30% most beautiful women, and may even struggle to find a woman in the upper half. So, then think, “So what? Heavier women struggle to find a man in the top half.” Sometimes you have to resign yourself to the fact that you weren’t dealt a full house, and instead were dealt a pair of 4’s. You can play the hand or fold.

      1. 29.1.1

        Sometimes you have to resign yourself to the fact that you weren’t dealt a full house, and instead were dealt a pair of 4’s. You can play the hand or fold.”
        Nicely put. Many of us up in the 45-60 age range have basically decided not stay in with “the pair of 4’s” it’s just not worth it. So we really are “folding” but we stay at the table like a Caribbean Stud table hoping to get the  Straight/Royal Flush knowing that  the odds are against us. Sadly we know in our age range it gets harder every year because no one becomes more attractive as they get older. So  many (not all)  just stop dating.

      2. 29.1.2
        Corey N

        JennLee get your head out the sand. Go to any event, mall, gathering, etc. You WILL see more slim/average men with FAT women than any women with REALLY short men i.e. 5’5 or shorter. Please…

        1. JennLee

          Like it or not, Corey, short is not an attractive quality in men, just as very tall is not an attractive quality for women, or having a ugly nose, ears that stick out, acne scars, etc…   It is something you have to overcome.   Everybody has their cross to bear.
          The one thing I have yet to hear from the short guys here, is what they are willing to compromise on.   I think what I and most of the other women see here is that short guys want us to look past their unattractive height, but that they aren’t willing to look past unattractive qualities.   It seems that though you aren’t a 7 to 10, you still want an 7 to 10, numbers not set in stone.   In short, most women don’t see short as desirable, yet you want one of the more desirable women, right?
          What would you tell a woman who was not the least bit attractive, but who insisted she would not settle for a super hot guy?   What would you tell her if she complained that the hottest guys never paid attention to her?   What would you tell her is she stated that those hotter guys needed to stop discriminating against her because of the way she looked?   Do hotter guys really need to give her a chance?   No, they don’t.   That’s the point here.   If women want to date taller men, that is their right.   If they don’t find what they are looking for, that is their problem to deal with.   There are consequences for our decisions.   If you hold out for a pretty girl, and never get one, that is you problem to deal with, because if you are a great guy, there are women out there who want you, but you are ignoring them.

        2. Scooter

          JennLee, I love your posts! You are balanced, and do not spout vitriol reactively!

          However, I want to point out that a lot of the “dating preference” towards short men comes from societal prejudice.   It’s an accepted form prejudice that is encouraged, and if it is spoken against by short men, they are often dismissed derisively.

          As I mentioned above, this spills heavily into the dating scene. And if I may say, I’d be willing to bet anything that there are a lot of women who would date shorter men, if the taboo weren’t so strong.   That is what needs to be rectified.

          Plus, you are using extremes in your examples, such as the ugly woman not settling for anything less   than the “super hot guy”.   Most of us are aware enough to realize that dating occurs on a gradient.   However, for short men, that gradient is on an exponential curve, and said short men are dismissed well before the slope steepens 😉 This is despite the fact that a short guy can literally have every other positive attribute (looks, career, personality).   He just won’t get the chance, and it is largely due to ridiculous societal prejudice.

  10. 30

    Morris @ 29 – I think it’s hypocritical for ANY gender to feel entitled to THEIR physical preferences but deny that preference to the other gender. I’ve seen/heard/ that double standard from men, and the excuse is the biologically hard wired excuse. I think EVERYONE is attracted to who they are attracted to, and I really don’t understand why ANYONE would try to shame someone into getting involved where this is no or very low attraction.   (and I know that’s NOT the point of EMK’s article, but if you read ALL the comments, most likely the “I’m attracted to what I’m attracted to” is in response to one of the shamers telling women that you should just like any man who likes you because “attraction is all in your head”   (so what ?)
    I KNOW men are visual and many are only attracted to a certain physical type. It could be a body type, it could be a facial type, and it could be hair color.
    Height doesn’t even figure into the equation for me, so I am not one of the “haters” of short men.   About the only physical.
    I agree with KE (mark your calendars, we rarely agree) that if you like a guy’s profile, face and his e-mail, don’t let an inch or two in the height box scare you away   (subtract another 2-3 inches, men lie about their height like women lie about their age or weight) You could meet someone in real life and be pleasantly surprised to discover that with this particular man, his height is not an issue for you.    
    IMHO, it’s better to not hurt someone trying to force an attraction that isn’t there.   On the flip side, I am NOT saying that physical attraction is the ONLY ingredient necessary for a relationship.   In fact, the trouble with physical attraction is two-fold.   1.   Many people who are universally considered to be very attractive tend to be poor relationship partners.     2.   Being strongly physically attracted to someone can blind you to the red flags that would usually send you running for the hills in someone to whom you are only moderately attracted.    
    BTW you could easily change “short” in this article title to “unattractive” “over weight” or “old & pot bellied”   People who struggle with relationships due to their physical appearance usually DO make good spouses.   You could also say “plain women” “overweight women” and “older women” make good wives.

    1. 30.1

      Am I shaming you, or are you just getting  your knickers in a twist over the opinion of a commenter?  

    2. 30.2

      BTW you could easily change “short” in this article title to “unattractive” “over weight” or “old & pot bellied”
      We’ve already discussed that “short” isn’t the same as “over weight” because you can lose weight but you can’t eat less and exercise your way to being  taller. Believe me if you could I’d be 6’10”. 🙂

  11. 31

    @JennLee and @EmeraldDust

    I agree and would never tell someone to date a person they are not attracted to. Just pointing out the irony. As long as you are able to live with the outcome of your actions I think it’s all good.

    It also has to be pointed out that a lot of the preferences that are brought up about men are just that. Preferences. Not deal breakers. In my experience.  Men will cast a wide net and work from there. And are usually happy with the outcome. Women will cast a narrow net and it seems aren’t happy with what comes their way.

    Just an observation.  

    1. 31.1

      I have to disagree.   Men & Women both have conscious or unconscious deal breakers.   This is not restricted to just one gender.   Most people think that THEIR “deal breakers” (or preferences) are reasonable, but other people’s aren’t.   (Like the man JenLee referenced who thought women were “racist” if they weren’t attracted to black men, but it was perfectly OK for white women to ONLY date black men)
      Also, in the book “Have him at Hello” the author states that men put women through a fine sieve and are just   looking for a reason to eliminate them.   So while they may cast “a wide net”, they throw most of them back for the pettiest of reasons.   Of course they are happy with the outcome if they are able to bed lots of women before discarding them for some petty reason.    
      If you don’t believe me, google “Have him at Hello” and go to a bookseller that allows you to look inside the book.

  12. 32

    I don’t know if this helps Evan, but a female friend of mine once told me that she only dates taller guys because she is overweight and taller guys who aren’t skinny make her feel not so big.

    I think that this is what some women mean by feeling feminine.  

    As I have painstakingly learned from “YOUR” site, women don’t want equals, they want better versions of themselves, and who wants children that will not be healthy, attractive, or have some kind of mental of physical deformity? I think women know subconsciously that life will be harder for shorter children

  13. 33

    A guy has a better chance in real life situations than the waste of time nature that is online dating. Mentality is different online.
    Short or tall, focus on their character.

  14. 34

    Many women still have traditional patriarchal views of marriage, and have specific romantic expectations of their husbands.   Perhaps these ideals are unrealistic and irrational.   Feminism has certainly given women more freedom and choice, but women seem to still be making the wrong choices by holding out for her tall brad pitt lookalike.   In a way, its good that a woman can be independent and not settle, but at the same time is it just superficial things she wants, or is she actually judging a man by compatibility and relationship, instead of his height and resume.   Women think marriage is the endall of life and the pinnacle of her life, and that is just a false fantasy.   Seeking the perfect marriage is a fools errand created by disney.   People are not perfect, women are not perfect, men are not perfect.   Marriage is about compatibility and commitment as a couple, not about false ideals and unrealistically high expectations.

  15. 35


    WHAT women (at least over the age of 23) is holding out for a Brad Pitt lookalike? In fact, notice the couples around you and you will notice a trend…most couples seem to match  looks wise. And if they don’t, I will daresay that in my estimation, the woman tends to be more ‘cleaned up’ than her significant other.   Wanting a man taller is  far from unrealistic. And it is more unrealistic than men who want  all their  women to be less than a size 4.

    1. 35.1

      If a woman believes in Patriarchy, then her default belief is that the husband should be equal or better than the wife. This means that the husband should be taller, richer, smarter, charismatic, attractive, etc. This patriarchal fantasy is driven by disney movies and societal expectations from 1950’s mad men/don draper fantasies. If a woman just wants to judge a man based on height and superficial attributes, then she has that right. But the full packages of the perfect man/Mr. Perfect might not be attainable for some women or more likely, Mr Perfect wants to remain an eternal bachelor. Each relationship and Each Couple is different. If a woman wants a loyal and monogamous husband, the tall guy might look perfect on paper, but he’ll cheat; while the shorter guy would remain loyal.   But both Single Men and Women get caught up in unrealistic expectations and fantasies.   I suppose if physical traits are all you care about, then you have the freedom to pursue those type of men.

  16. 36

    If you don’t want something (like short Men),  we pretty much take you at your word.   Why  wouldn’t we (?)
    But please don’t say “I can’t help it” (which is an entirely different category of statement)  . . . without offering  some  evidence.
    MAYBE it’s true . . .  that  you can’t help it.  
    But “I don’t want it” . . .  is NOT evidence for “I can’t”.
    And “I tried it”  . . . is NOT evidence for “I can’t”. (It’s only evidence for “I didn’t . . .”)

  17. 37

    What is short?

    I’m 6′ tall and the shortest one in my immediate family.   So, for me, it’s all relative.

    I’ve dated guys from 5′ 3″ to 6′ 8″.   Height has nothing to do with making one a good partner.   My ex-husband is 5′ 10″, my ex-boyfriend 6′ 4″.   so freaking what?   5′ 8″ is about as short as I go before the height difference gets too awkward & 6′ 4″ is about as tall as I go before the height difference gets too awkward.

    Two more comments:

    1.   There are a lot more short guys out there that don’t want to date women taller than them than you might think – so don’t put it all on women.

    2.   There are a lot of short guys out there with complexes about their height, and that is very unattractive.    If they are insecure about our height difference, it comes out very quickly and often in their comments and turns me off.   I’ve never not dated guy because he was short — but I have not dated a guy because of his constant comments about our height difference that clearly show   his insecurity.


    1. 37.1

      Cat5 – agree on both points, but I’ve definitely had to deal with point #1 a lot…I’ve had several first dates with men I met online who have ruled me out because of my height (and made it known).   Also, let’s face it, we might not care if your height is short if something else makes up for it. 😉   Short in both areas?   Umm no.

  18. 38

    I understand women have this hang up, but many women are able to grow their attraction towards a man.   Some are not, but I think many can.   Men do not have this ability.   I believe that this is one of the many differences between the sexes.   For men, attractiveness is fixed and is largely appearance based.   For women, it is a strong blend of personality and appearance — but this is mutable and can shift towards personality.

    Some women won’t date bald guys, either.   If you are a hot woman, this is fine but if you are reaching then you are better off using your innate ability to find attraction in other things like personality.  

  19. 39
    Kristina Lane

    I am 5’11” and always used it as justification for why I only found tall guys attractive.   When I heard much shorter girls say that they wanted much taller guys, I would always feel frustrated because what was I supposed to do then?   Search for a basketball player? Whenever I created a checklist of what I wanted in a guy, “tall” was the first feature ALWAYS.   As I got more and more degrees, the second-place feature would be “at least a master’s degree.”   
    And then, just to experiment, I let go of all requirements and let as many guys in my life as I could.   And let them adore me, desire me, take me out, plan our dates.   I felt good, I felt powerful.   My now-husband and I got engaged three months into dating.   Two years into the marriage, with a new baby, it is still the happiest relationship in my life.   My husband is shorter than me and finished only two years of college.   Would it be a nice add-on if he were taller and more educated…. maybe.   I just can’t imagine that he could possibly make me any happier than he already does.  

    1. 39.1

      Haha! I love it, Kristina!   Very happy for you, and your husband!

      And I’d imagine that EMK has a big smile on his face, too!

    2. 39.2

      You’re acting as if you’re super hot lady. Are you? Because I wouldn’t believe that just because you’re tall, men are ‘desiring’ you all the time.

  20. 40

    My issue with some shorter men is they haven’t figured how to own their size and so they overcompensate in other ways. Some try so hard to be “liked” you can tell they are insecure. Tall guys can walk into a room or a group of people and their confidence and size can demand attention and respect. Not that all tall men are confident and all short men overcompensate…but I don’t want a guy that has to weasel his way into the group or conversation. Rather have the guy who walks up and everyone pays attention. I dated one shorter guy who could command a crowd amazingly well, but he’s the only short guy I’ve ever known to do it well.

    1. 40.1

      My problem with many taller men, and some women both short and tall, is that they do the same thing. They are insecure for whatever personal reasons, and try to command a room by being a mouthy asshole.

      And if you think the above paragraph is reactive “snarkiness”, think again. I have known plenty such, in my life.

      Plus, you implying a falsehood based on a social criteria (i.e. “commanding a room”); I know plenty of short AND tall men who are just fine in many social situations. It’s not about tall or short, but it is about personal circumstances, including upbringing, intelligence, and education.   Furthermore, not everyone can “command a room”, irrespective of height.   That has more to do with personality and awareness.

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