Why Would a Younger Woman Want to Date a Much Older Man?

Okay, Evan, I agree mostly with your opinion on younger men/older women. What do you say about the reverse? I mean, I can see why an older man would want to date a younger woman – physically that is, but why would a 28-year-old woman want to date a man 45 or more?

Penelope

Dear Penelope,

Beats the shit out of me.

I can totally understand why older men go for younger women. There’s no denying that they’re, for the most part, in better shape, with better skin, and less baggage from broken relationships. Time creates wisdom – but it also creates responsibilities and complications – mortgage, kids, career, etc. All of this makes dating more and more complex as we get older. It’s a lot easier for a man to take out a carefree, responsibility free, baggage free, wrinkle free 28-year-old, which is why so many men try to go in that direction. I’m not condoning this. I’m OBSERVING that it happens.

Still, most of them fail miserably, for the exact same reasons that I think Penelope is suggesting. Men want much younger women, but rarely do much younger women want older men. Put another way, if a woman has an array of other quality options closer to her age range, what incentives would she have to date a man who is SEVENTEEN YEARS OLDER?

She doesn’t NEED a guy who’s 45. She can find that same amazing guy at age 30. Or 35. Or 40.

Not many, I’m thinking.

Before any 40+ people get all hot and bothered about this – I am not judging. There is nothing wrong with aging. I do think people improve with age (my wife is nodding). But let’s not pretend that we, as a culture, don’t worship at the altar of youth. If you’re over the age of 40 and have ever said, “But I’m told I look five years younger than my age”, then you’re not immune to it yourself. But see, for men who covet younger women, it’s not whether you look good for your age – it’s what age you really are.

Because it’s competitive out there for all of us. People have choices. And nobody has more choices than a 28-year-old woman. If she wants to date a guy who is 6’2”, makes $400,000+, likes skiing, is within ten miles of her house and five years of her age, you know what? She could probably find him. All she has to do is go on Match.com, and wade through a few thousand applicants. The point is, she doesn’t NEED a guy who’s 45. She can find that same amazing guy at age 30. Or 35. Or 40. She doesn’t need a guy who will be taking Viagra when she’s sexually peaking at 43.

Don’t get me wrong, there are advantages in a 45-year-old guy. He’s probably a man. He’s got the job and the home and the car, and been divorced with a kid already. So if a woman finds it more appealing to just step into that world – to jump from the prolonged adolescence of the late 20’s into full-fledged settled-down womanhood – that could make sense.

Most of them are completely creeped out at the prospect of dating a guy who was alive when JFK was alive.

There are many other things that are attractive about older men. They embody wisdom and stability. They can afford nicer restaurants and vacations and have cultivated greater tastes in the arts. They’re more experienced, more chivalrous, and more likely to want to settle down than a twentysomething party boy.

And yet, they probably resemble Penelope’s dad more than they resemble her brother….

This is the most compelling reason behind why younger women might go for older men: they’re daddy substitutes. An older man’s going to be the strong, nurturing guy who takes care of her, teaches her, and treats her like a princess – the kind of relationship that she probably lacked growing up.

Hey, I’m no psychologist – just your friendly, neighborhood dating coach. But I do know women, and lots of women in their 20’s. And the truth is that most of them are completely creeped out at the prospect of dating a guy who was alive when JFK was alive. These women were born in the EIGHTIES. They grew up with computers. They’re contemporaries with Britney Spears. Whether we like it or not, there is nearly a full generation gap between 28 and 45. A few women may bridge this gap for lust or money or dimestore psychological reasons, but most of the 28-year-old women I know would prefer to date a great, stable 30-40 year-old – who also knows what Snapchat is.

Okay, older men – tell me why I’m wrong. But don’t forget, you and your younger girlfriends are the EXCEPTION. I’m writing about the RULE.

By the way, my girlfriend wants it on record that she would totally sleep with Harrison Ford if he should be reading this. So as a gift to both of them: Sure, why not? Happy 66th, Indy!

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Comments:

  1. 451
    Neo

    Well older man usually don’t have sex they spend quality time with their loved ones and they make love. For correction sake you can be younger and be unable to perform in bed. When I think about what my man does to me itjo it really puts a smile on my face I dont think I’ll settle for anything less.

  2. 452
    chip Van Halen

    So many people make so many dumb assumptions on here….

    A relationship is a relationship regardless of age, we are not talking of marriage or arranged marriages with minors which I consider terrible…We are talking of marriage between consenting adults, marriages and relationships of various age brackets either work or they don’t because of various reasons, not because it’s more than 7 years mess than 15 more than 20 less than 3 bla, bla, bla, ITS NONE OF YOUR BLOODY BUSINESS!!! Stop sticking your negative potato head responses in.

    If you are a common unfit idiot that smokes and drinks a truck load…do not give your opinion in your common circle of crap worlds, because, you do not understand, you can be fit and sexual at 60 and beyond… tribes do it, the elder with have sex with a young woman

    The stupid controlling catholic church which is corrupt anyway with its dirty priests set limitations on marriage, who cares! if it works, it works…

    A relationship is a relationship even if it lasts only 3 days to a whole life time…let the people deal with it…. if the older dies, the relationship has served a purpose, the young woman has probably been loved just as much as she could ever been loved

    Its an experience, let it be an experience, and experiences can last a short time or a long time

    Go and get fit!!! I am 47, can hold a boner longer and have sex longer and  be sensual to a woman longer than many of my mid 20 year old friends

    IT IS A MINDSET,

     

    1. 452.1
      Henry

      You can love whoever you want. However don’t let your emotions blind your common sense. A 59 year old man truly has no business dating a 19 year old girl. Don’t lose your ability to think with your head just cause your heart bleeds. Control your emotions. A man in his mid 50’s dating a woman who is 19 is a joke. A girl 18-20 hasn’t even lived yet! I’m 34 and wouldn’t dream of dating a girl that age, there’s nothing there.

      1. 452.1.1
        Andrea NeilStrong

        Henry, you are one of the few good ones out there. 👍🏽

      2. 452.1.2
        Jon

        Henry–These are fair observations, but they are your opinions. I respect your belief that when you are 59, you will not be dating a 19 year old woman. That said, others may disagree with you and pursue such relationships. Some may be successful with such efforts, others, not so.

    2. 452.2
      Garbrielle Filonda Stuart

      I agree

       

       

  3. 453
    Keich Teriong

    Hey, I’m 33 yrs old and I am with a 42 yr old fine gentleman. Yes I do agree with what you just stated, “An older man’s going to be the strong, nurturing guy who takes care of her, teaches her, and treats her like a princess – the kind of relationship that she probably lacked growing up.”

    Just wanted to let you know that I strongly agree with this. I love my man till our last breath and the sex is awesome. I wouldn’t dream of being with anyone else. He loves me and I love him. And back to the sex part, if it comes to the point where he no longer can get hard, we could always use toys and other stuff to do our business.

    1. 453.1
      Henriette

      I’m not sure a guy who’s only 9 years older than you counts as “an older man.”

      1. 453.1.1
        Isledivah

        oh, ok! thank you..

    2. 453.2
      Reggie R

      33 and 42 is not much of a big age gap, I can see if he was 53 Ok

      1. 453.2.1
        mmahass

        so that means 18 and 32 is not big gap

  4. 454
    Carrie

    Ouch! How much prejudice out here! I read that American people are prejudiced about big age gaps, now reading some comments it’s true.

    My father was 28 years older than my mother, he was the longest relationship she had and the only she had a child (I’m here). My mother never liked young boys or guys of her age, most of her friends either. She had a great relationship with her father and she had a nice job.

    I was raised in an adult family, so I got a less immature mind. I can’t date anyone of my age, boys in their 20s act childish, most are about driking, night clubs and sleeping around. I’m not party kind, I don’t do ons/casual/whatever. They are only about shallow life, a big no. They laught at everything and can’t take life seriously. I have no patience for people in college acting like they are still in high school.

    Looks like I heird my mother’s preference about older men, over 5 years to 10 however if I find a much older guy but we can get well along, why not? Men age slower and later. I see older couples of same age and the woman looks older than the man.

    I might be exception of not feeling attraction for guys of my age group at all. I don’t have daddy issues and money isn’t a problem to me.

  5. 455
    HeatherF

    I’m mystified and fascinated with the older man (40-50 yrs) dating/marrying someone 20 yrs younger (20-30 yrs) phenomenon. I’m in agreement with Evan here. And,  for me, I see 2 things: 1. All throughout my 20’s early 30’s, I never not once not ever wanted to be intimate/date or marry any man 20yrs my senior. I didn’t think about it and this included good looking actors. Just ewwww…..  and I feel pretty confident that most of my peers felt the same way. Dating/marrying someone 20yrs older wasn’t even on our radar. Not saying it wasn’t happening just wasn’t something my age group aspired to. So, I’m like….whoa….when did become so common?! 2. It really blows my mind because don’t the men realize that the women in their 20’s 30’s are still growing up?! I’m a relatively open minded woman and have tried really hard to put myself in the shoes of 20 & early 30 yr old woman in 2016 but I can’t wrap my mind around this huge age gap. Hell speaking from a woman in her 40’s, I’m not the same woman I was in my 30’s or 20’s. I know that all ppl are different….but, from a psychological & scientific view point, the men who’re 20 yrs older are in completely different maturing stages than women in her 20’s and 30’s. Speaking from experience and not saying she’s not an adult but she’s not even close to the life stage a man is 20yrs her senior.  

    1. 455.1
      Henriette

      but, from a psychological & scientific view point, the men who’re 20 yrs older are in completely different maturing stages than women in her 20’s and 30’s.”  Isn’t that part of the attraction, from both parties?  The type of older man who goes after younger women often finds it a turn-on to feel as though he’s with a frisky girl instead of a seasoned peer.  And the 20- or 30-something woman often appreciates a man (daddy figure?) who seems to be an established grown-up, with a bank-account to match.

      So, I’m like….whoa….when did become so common?!  But… is it so common?  I see many guys in their 40s and 50s drooling after women 20+ years their junior, but I don’t see many established couples that fit this description.  Is it more common where you live?

       

       

      1. 455.1.1
        Buck25

        Henriette,

        I don’t know that it’s all that common anywhere in the U.S and Canada, but It does exist, and in some cases, works quite well for both parties. To label any man  in a relationship with a much younger woman a pervert, or labeling her as having “daddy issues” isn’t very useful to anyone. It’s simple; if someone’s age bothers you, don’t be in a relationship with them. If it doesn’t, then whether you’re the younger or the older, remember that it’s not about “proving” anything, to yourself, or your partner. Just love them. Love them with the best of whatever you’ve got to give, love them all you can, every single day….because whether you’re 37, or 77, no one promised either of you another sunrise, and it’s not how many days or months or years you have together;  when it’s over, it’s what you did with the time you had together that really matters.

        1. Karl R

          Buck25,

          I’m 100% in agreement with what you just said.

           

          Henriette,

          The men/women who drool after people 20+ years their junior are probably less successful than those who date despite a large age gap. (But I freely admit that my personal bias may be coloring my opinion.)

      2. 455.1.2
        Lisa jones

        I’m 32 and my partner of 7 and a half years is 55. I wasn’t attracted to older men in general and I certainly didn’t go out looking for an older man, but it just happened. Sometimes it just fits and age really is only a number. I have never been this happy nor have I been in a relationship that has lasted this long.

        1. MW Girl

          Wow. That is the exact age gap of a man I met with whom I share a mutual attraction. I am 40 and I honestly thought he was in his 50s. I liked him from the first meeting, but didn’t think of him in a romantic way until he hinted he was interested. There are a lot of other factors that could make things not work, but the age difference being acceptable to my family and friends and his assumed decline in 10 or 15 years have been my biggest concerns.

          I am the baby of 8 Kids. The oldest sibling is 62. (My parents are older than most people’s who are my age.) I see from my own family and people I’ve been around that being active and vibrant mentally and physically into your 60s, 70s and 80s is definitely a possibility. Probably more common than people think.

          After much prayer and thought, I’ve decided not to stress over it and just see what happens. There has to be a friendship first. The comments on here do help me see the positive side of it better.

  6. 456
    HeatherF

    Even said, “Beats the shit out of me” why someone would want to marry someone with that huge age gap. <—This. And “this” seems to be a part of why it’s so freakin difficult for us ladies in my age group to date/marry men within 5-10yrs age range. They’re too busy chasing babies. 

    1. 456.1
      Buck25

      Heather,

      If I may offer a small suggestion. there might be fewer older guys chasing younger women, if more of the older women would try to be just a little more ah, appealing, to men. In plain English,  (and take this where it applies), IF you want more attention from the men in your age group, especially the fitter, more active ones (we’re out there, really), lose that blubber, ditch the frumpy clothes and even frumpier hairdo, see if you can remember how to apply proper makeup (not an inch deep, please), and act like you still have some interest in having a sex life (we sure do!) We don’t expect you to look and act 25, but we sure would appreciate it, if you’d try not to look and act like you’ve  lost all interest in yourselves, sex, and oh yeah, us.

  7. 457
    Nikki

    I am 24 going on 25 and my man is 41 and we fell for eachother super fast! He is the man I have always been dreaming of he is soft spoken, sweet, caring, and a huge romantic. I am the woman he has always dreamed of he never had luck with anyone because they broke his heart. He has never married and he is traveling all the way from Illinois to WI just to see me this wkend and I feel so special! No man has ever made me feel so special, I am tired of being used by the robots who are in their 20s and early 30s…. But I got my dream man now and he is 41 and I don’t care… p.s I do not see him as a “daddy figure” so yeah just to get that straight…

  8. 458
    BERT TUCKER

    Reading the comments here, remind me of the days of old, one comment means one thing, the same comment means something else . I’ll make this short and sweet. I am almost 60 the girl I live with is 38, sweet girl , with a great kid . But as I get older stuff starts to churn in my head such as what if I croak tomorrow, will she be ok and such. Then it dawned on me of course she will be ok , she will be all over a new guy in days, thats what users do. Who gives a rats ass, I’ll be dead. for all you ladies who want a 60 year old to look and act like a 35 year old, your shit outta luck, you get what you took.

  9. 459
    Stuart

    Hi All,

    My wife is 42 and I am 53. We met when she was 25 and I was 36. It is my second marriage, but no previous kids. We have two kids aged 10 and 8. I think that the slowing down is luck and biology. My wife’s two best girlfriends are 33 ans 43, their husbands are 39 and 34 respectively.

    The husbands are both unable to do it more that once  a week and the 43 year old is very frustrated, I am ageing so 4 to 5 times a week is our average. Both drink heavily and don’t watch their diets. I have a flatter stomach and eat very healthily.  can’t play rugby or run long distances any more, so I swim a couple of times a week.

    A younger wife keeps you younger as do kids, an older wife can too is she has the spark and energy.

     

  10. 460
    Jeff

    I am about to hit 60 and for the last couple years young women have been flocking to me.  I am at a loss as to why but I have been enjoying the time of my life.

    They have ranged from a 19 year old runway model to the very chunky 25 year old gal that runs the register at the grocery store.   I am told by women closer to my age that I am too intimidating yet the young gals aren’t bothered at all.

    Frankly I have been more distressed about the age difference then they have.  I’ve never made the first move, they have approached me.  I have been seeing a 23 year old for close to 8 months now and I must say that it is the most satisfying relationship I have ever had.  Sure there is some financial stability dating an older guy but these ladies I doubt know much about me ahead of time.

    Granted I’m not the average senior, I’m an adrenaline junkie with a fast car, fast motorcycle and yes I stay fit and can program a website, run a blog and tell you who is singing the current song withing multiple genre’s.  No one guesses me much above mid 40’s and when they find out the real age they still want to stick around.

    My whole point is the age difference is a state of mind yet I do get tired of people referring to my girlfriend as my granddaughter.

    1. 460.1
      VL

      Thank you Jeff!

      I am having the exact same experience, and couldn’t even begin to figure it out!  I am also still reaching for my “full potential”, and am pushing harder than ever!  Went back to school for a second degree and became a CFT in my mid 50’s.

      Thanks a million!  I need to quit analyzing and worrying about what others might think, and just go with the flow!

       

    2. 460.2
      Tompkins

      I am 62 & have tried your route and you said it all in one statement. Financial stability. Chicks in their 20s getting free rides in college & cars & stuff. Thats what its all about dude. More & more guys our age think we have something over the younger ones. We do! MONEY! I get all kinds of chicks after me at the strip clubs. They know who spends & who doesnt, same as the girls out in the real world. I do believe some think we are attractive for OUR AGE, yes,  but I have read about what younger girls really think of old guys & its pathetic. So keep on thinking you are a hot guy dude. The old saying laughing all the way to the bank is where you are missing the boat friend.

  11. 461
    Lori

    I am a 50 year old woman .  I have always been attracted to older men ( 10 to 20 years older) .  I did go out with guys closer to my age but   I always ( still do) found them immature.   Older men always seem to have the stability in their life.  They know how to treat women ( and others) with respect . They are not jealous of others , do not seem to want to monopolize your time.    Some women want/ need a man with them at all times.  I did ( and still do) have friends who if they went without talking to their boyfriend ( husband) for 1 or 2 hours they go insane.  They would get phone calls at work   or out for coffee  or the worst was ” girls night out”   ii can’t live like that   I need the space sometimes.  Older men give that time to me.

  12. 462
    Jasmine

    I am 24 and I’ve been dating my man for two years. He’s 37 he loves me unconditionally he was actually my first as well. We’ve made plans to get married and was expecting too! Then everything crashed and burned when my family wanted him out of my life. I had to have an abortion and my due date was my birthday. I’m so torn because I love him a lot and he’s great. I’m super close with my family as well and I feel like I’m always in the middle.

  13. 463
    Cherela

    LOVE. That is the reason why a younger woman would be with an older man. That is the reason for any two people to be together.

    I was with an older man because I fell in love with him, unexpectedly. He was funny, outgoing, talented, smart, and emotionally mature. We married when I was 24 and he was 59. We were happy together for 25 years. He passed away a year ago and I miss him every day.

    1. 463.1
      Tom

      You are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT, Cherela! Thank you for your comment.

  14. 464
    Whitney

    Why would a younger woman want to date a much older man?

    I don’t think younger woman want older men or even really want to  have to pursue men in general. Women want to be pursued, wooed, courted and doted on.

    I started dating my now husband when I was 28 and he was 46, although at the time of our initial date I had no clue of his age and thought he was mid to late 30’s or even possibly 40.

    We worked for the same company and occasionally he would stop by my office when I was working late and try to coax me into leaving work for a bite to eat with him. He was always nonchalant about it too, saying “Hey I’m heading out, gonna grab some food on my way home if you’d like to join me”. My reply was always the same, “thank you for asking but maybe next time, got to get this work done.” After about the 11th time of me turning down the offer he got creative. He texted me one night saying “I was thinking about going to that Mexican restaurant right down the road from your neighborhood, do you care to join me for some Margaritas?”, My reply was “sorry I would, but I am at my moms house at the moment hanging with her.” and he quickly  replied, “Well in that case would you ask your mother if she and her daughter would like to join me for some margaritas?” At that moment I said aloud, “He just pulled the Mama Card!” My mother said, “what?” . I proceeded to read her the texts, and she laughed and smiled and said “Whitney!, go meet that man for some drinks, its on your way home anyways.  So, of course I did.

    There is so much more to our love story but at least I hope I gave some insight in to why a younger woman would date a much older man.

     

  15. 465
    Rick

    I am 70 years of age seeing a beautiful girl of 35. When I endeavour to address the age gap I am told it’s of no consequence. We live 100 miles apart but speak at east once a week for up to 4 hours on the phone. Text regularly and see each other maybe weekly or fortnightly. It has been 2 years now and we are content

    1. 465.1
      Tom

      Excellent! Love knows no age barriers! Do not create them 🙂

  16. 466
    Button's

    I’m probably quite late in this thread but I do have some significant experience on the topic.  I’m 64 , in great shape and current in dress , trends and social tweaks , lol.  Been married twice , lost first one to cancer after 25 great years , second one was a huge mistake but not because she was 14 years younger. She was just a miserable person inside that fed off the emotions of thise around her. It lasted 12 years before I had to leave or become that same way.   Last two years I’ve dated a lady 30 years my younger and it’s been the most crazy , fun , romantic and sensual time I’ve ever experienced. She feels the same way.

    Yes I struggle with the age difference , mostly reminded by well meaning people. But we are extremely good together in every aspect of a relationship. Not sure what that will look like in another 10 years but dating women my age is like watching the same movie every day.  Boring!  Life is complicated , aging is really in our control and staying in shape is essential.  I’ve never loved someone or been returned love thus way.  Soooo awesome , sooo cute, soooo sexy…

  17. 467
    Michael

    Hi my name is Mike I’m 56 years old my wife is 33 we have been together for the last 6 years. we have 2 children boy who’s 3 and another boy who is 11 months old..I am retired so I get to be a stay at home Dad…Best thing ever!!!

    Age is just a number cause this is by far the best relationship I have ever been in. with all that being said there have been some awkward moments here and there let me explain.

    I have older children from previous marriage my oldest daughter also 33 introduced us….I really though it would be a huge issue when my daughter found out we were dating…and then when we moved intogether I thought my oldest daughter was going to freek out….I was actually dreading the day she might come to visit us…all my fears were swept aside when she pulled me outside to have a word and she told me if she had to go out in this world and find the perfect person for me…it would be her….that was 6 years ago.

    Other then me being a stay at home dad are lives are normal/ perfect in every way  when something is right…it’s right!!!  I can’t remember if we ever had a real argument we generally think / talk things threw.

    I say if your happy that’s all that matters….

    Mike

     

     

     

    1. 467.1
      Tom

      Mike, you are Wisdom speaking! Thank you for your comment, I hope this encourages others and removes some mental barriers in our society…. Hey everyone, we are talking about LOVE, not about war or crime… let Love happens, Love know no age barriers 🙂

  18. 468
    Jason

    I’m 58, and dating a 26 yr old woman. It’s amazing. I cook meals for her, give her numerous massages, rub her feet when she gets off work, & I treat her with love, respect, & very considerate of her feelings. It’s not the age, but the person, & what’s in their heart. Older women bore me. I can relate, & have a better relationship cuz of it. Yea, society says it’s twisted for a man of my age dating a girl who is 32 yrs younger than me. Surprisingly, we have many, many of the same interests. And our communication is very good. We make each other happy. Isn’t that what matters the most?

  19. 469
    sally b.

    I am 38, my husband is 74. We are still happily married for 8 years. First of all, I did not married this man for security. I got a good teaching career with a Masters Degree and when I met my husband, I am on my Ph. D study. I had younger men suitors but none of them interest me. I never plan to marry an older man either, it just happened. Yes, he showed interest too and his perseverance wins my affection. Just like any other couple we also have our ups and downs but we compromise. Age does not guarantee a long lasting marriage or relationship. It has something to do on both parties on how they work to have that relationship. Compromise, trust, acceptance, love, sincerity, and respect boils down to a long life relationship.

    1. 469.1
      Tom

      Thank you, Sally, for your comment. As I said before, Love knows no age barriers…

    2. 469.2
      MW Girl

      Sally B : Thank you so much for sharing. I was wondering if either of you had kids before you met? Do you each have siblings? Curious how they reacted and how you dealt with that.

       

      Do you have friends your age that you hang out with and he does the same or how does the social aspect work?

  20. 470
    Summer

    I personally think the gap shouldn’t be older than 18 years, because that would kinda be weird if your partner is old enough to be your parent. I’m not saying anyone no matter how old they are should have pre-marital sex; also, am I the only millennial that thinks sex is something special that shoul be saved for marriage?

    1. 470.1
      Buck25

      Summer,

      I’d like that too. If the fifty-something women liked me as well as the forty-something women appear to, I’d be all for it. As it is, well,  if a man wants to catch a fish, he fishes where the most fish are biting, not where they aren’t.

    2. 470.2
      MW Girl

      Summer, it is so refreshing to hear a millennial expressing their belief in waiting for marriage. Good for you! No, I know you aren’t the only one, but a lot of people are probably shy about saying anything.

       

      I wish I had waited. It would have helped me make better relationship decisions. There apparently are studies now that show when you have intercourse with someone you develop a strong bond with them. Developing a bond then breaking up with the person leaves emotional scars – doubt, insecurity, lonliness, etc. Nest to do it God’s way and wait.

  21. 471
    Thomas

    I personally thinks its slighty weird dating an older guy, especially when the older guy isn’t even attractive. To me its a waste of beauty that is found in a young women. And forget growing old together, the old man could die naturally in his 70’s when she’s in her 50’s. And lastly wisdom doesn’t come with age, wisdom comes from thought. I know of a few water heads who are in their 60’s.

  22. 472
    Tom

    LOL, sorry but I am not just going to give up and die without a fight no matter how old I get!

  23. 473
    Chris Parker

    I am a 49 yr old guy, not to be a jerk but Iam all there 6’1  190 lbs in shape with all my hair and consider myself very stylish and current, my girlfriend who’s 34 divorced with small child is a 10! Together over a year and very much in love all great but honestly it’s a lot of work and it’s a very confusing time for me. I love her so much my mind never quits about the future  and the age difference I’ll be 50 in a few months. Sex! Because of my manhood needs to be proven it seems like everytime were together I have something to prove, and obviously that’s not realistic but I try to make every session like Iam 25 again..!! Mentally I wonder if am being selfish letting this person fall In love and spending her life with me because I will pass so much sooner than her … I know I am nutts but it’s all true! But with this being said I am the happiest I’ve ever been and am so proud to have such a beautiful And great girl. Time will tell,  In short I don’t know  if I would do another long term relationship with a big age difference again but to late now!  Good luck

    1. 473.1
      Lisa

      I don’t think you should concern yourself with passing sooner than she does.    It is not like you are 80 years old.   People die at all different ages and a 30 year old could die tomorrow.  I dated an older man and the sex was an issue.  He was in his late 40s and I in my 30s.  But he did not try to prove his manhood.  Instead, we never had enough sex, he could not keep up with me, and eventually things broke down because of that.  I cannot speak about  your relationship becasue I don’t know your partner.  She may be perfectly satisfied with the amount and quality of sex, and it could just be in your head that you have to prove something.  But the reality is that a woman her age is going to experience an increasing sex drive for the next 10  years.   I also can see how having a 10 year old around may be tiring.  But so long as you are both happy, go for it, you are lucky to find someone.

    2. 473.2
      Luisa

      I really wish you both all the best and your mutual happiness is all that matters.

  24. 474
    Mike Smith

    I see a lot of replies from the younger ladies. But what about us OLDER men ? We have our reservations as well. Can we relate long term. Will we live up to expectations. Can we compete. Emotionally these things shouldn’t matter, but reality plays a different game.

  25. 475
    Jim

    Im a 50 year old dude. In my experience, no women my age are ever interested. Either way younger or 5 years older.

  26. 476
    Luisa

    Ok so where to start this article is written from an exceptionally narrow minded perspective. I am 27 years old and my other half is 42 years older than me. We have been together nearly six years.

    1 have you ever had a relationship with a significant age gap? Experience is generally the best education.

    2 I do not have daddy issues. I have a wonderful father and lovely boyfriend who it just so happens are two years apart in age.

    3 I am not a gold digger. I have no idea what money he may or may not have nor yet do I particularly care.

    4 We have entirely different career interests so I dont need him to help me climb the ladder as it were.

    5 So what does he offer? Ok he’s kind, intelligent, funny, gorgeous, generous with his time and excellent in bed. He has life experience I don’t and I learn a lot from him. He makes me want to be a better version of myself and supports me in all my dreams and ambitions. Whether i’m having a good day or a bad day he is there at the end of it with a cuddle.

    6 As for women in their twenties changing a lot its been six years and i’m in no hurry look elsewhere. Plenty of my outlook on life has change yet not my interest in him. Yes I could probably find a man a few years older with similar ideas to myself yet im not looking.

    7 Our political, religious and cultural viewpoints are polar opposites. This is not however a reflection on age but a contrast in our upbringing. Do I care for him any less because of it? No I dont. Our taste in music and films are similar. These things are unimportant when you have similar values such as honesty, faithfulness and a close friendship. Point is none of our differences get in the way and that includes age.

    You are entitled to your opinion but your judgement is uncalled for.

     

    1. 476.1
      Ron

      Even though sex is an important part of a relationship, it should never be the basis of a relationship.  There are many other factors that should override the sexual.  Love, caring, emotional stability, security, faithfulness, honesty and truthfulness and respect just to mention a few.   have known many young men and women who have lost their sexual desires or abilities due to trauma, accidents, disease or illnesses.  So if you base your relationship purely on the basis of sexuality and performance that will soon get old and you will be looking else where to get your thrills and excitement.

       

  27. 477
    Abby

    I like to believe I’m well rounded. I did not fall in love with a 54 year old man for his money… to me it was hard to find a true Christian Caucasian man.  I had my horrible dysfunctional relationships and realized even a 34 year old could still behave so childishly, age really doesn’t mean much if you’re not all about appearances. I certainly do have daddy issues but the two don’t cross over, I simply do not look up to my partner as a father figure to care for me.. I mean how can I? The sex is wonderful Haha I certainly don’t think of my father during such activities with my partner. A man wise enough to appreciate different cultures and isn’t afraid to declare his love for you when the whole world is only focused on your differences is a man worthy of your love.. I’m 23… the only thing I fear is his health .. he isn’t allowed to leave me anytime soon.

  28. 478
    Morgan Kellar

    I’m a 27 year old woman involved with a 45 year old man because I like him and we have similar personalities. His lifestyle is creative and his values are in line with mine. He lives average, has a roommate and weekend custody of his 4 year old. I feel like we can learn from each other. I don’t specifically go after any type unless they’re intelligent and kindhearted.

  29. 479
    Dave Evans

    After reading all the replies I just HAD to respond and reply with my present pleasant situation – -which finds me, a fit, active, healthy 70 year old, happily dating a 20 year old.  We’ve been together 7 months now, after meeting in my local gym.  Believe me, I had my doubts – but she pursued me rather relentlessly.  I discussed the age difference with her non-stop, until she finally told me that it was of no consequence to her.  Now granted, she is Asian and had Daddy issues (like most Asian girls who are routinely ignored by their fathers), but she is pure of heart, intelligent (international student here on full scholarship), funny, interesting and loving.  I’ve totally stopped being concerned about what other people think and relish in finding a loving, honest, loyal, total partner.   I think the 50 year age difference tops everybody here……

    Dr. D

    1. 479.1
      CJ

      lol, this is the funniest thing I’ve read for a long time.  Do you know how hard it is for international students to gain PR (permanent residency) – as they call it?  I work with many international students of full scholarships and you, my friend, have been done like a lamb roast. She got you hook, line and sinker.   Good luck with that and may your naivety be forever undented – although, I think it’s about to be dented big time. hahahaha….  She seems so secure on a full scholarship, right?  Ask her what happens to her after the scholarship ends if she isn’t married or with child?  Watch her squirm. Ask her how she intends to support herself?  Short answer – she doesn’t. You’re it!!!

    2. 479.2
      Sam G

      Hello everyone, I thought I was the only one with age difference of 46 years.I’m 65  my sweet,smart,beautiful girl is 19. Her  maturity level is more like 30 year old woman. She is Spanish, Spanish people don’t have the same Hang Ups As Americans have with age difference. She’s beautiful and caring person, she looks like a mix of Beyonce face and smile and Rihanna’s physique. She’s not a gold digger she never asked me to buy her anything, The most expensive gift she’s ever asked me was a pair of platform shoes that cost me $46(I bought her three pairs of different colors)she Towers Me by 6 inches when she wears them…….we make  jokes about that. She loves to dress sexy and sophisticated, I love that…..and also love when other men way younger than me give her a second look at her. When that happens all I think is…..she’s coming home with me buddy,lol. Been together 10 months,she lives in a different country I go see her once a month, we spend five six days together it’s like going for honeymoon once a month. We speak every single day, average 3 times a day and sometimes more from when  she wakes up to when she goes to sleep.I’ve never snorkeled or jet skiing in my life until I met her, I’m in the best shape of my life she is the reasons why .I look way better than most 20 year old boys. We rarely argue over silly stuff, although it’s nice to have arguments because of what happens when you make up. She’s more jealous of me than I am of her,no joke. I’m not the best looking guy around, I am attentive,caring and respectful toward hera and make her laugh as much as I can because I love her sweet smile!

      So,  ladies and gentlemen of any age who is reading this who really cares about age difference as long as you feel good and fulfilled.

      I was married for 17 years have two beautiful kids,in their late twenties, they do not necessarily endorse this situation but they are okay as long as I’m happy.

      We are all in Pursuit of Happyness whatever that might be regardless of people differences in age,skin color or gender.

      Sammy G

    3. 479.3
      bill warren

      I’m sorry to inform you Dave, I have you beat. My girlfriend is just 18 and I am 73 and we have been together for nearly a year. We love each other very much and share many common interests. She is Russian and I am American and we live in war-torn Ukraine on the Black Sea.  She is intelligent and speaks 3 languages fluently. She does not think of me as her daddy who happens to be 43. She never asks for money but my wallet is open to her. So is my heart. She makes me happy and i make her happy. What could be better. And oh, i have a great body and am a pro singer like Sinatra and i have thousands of fans. I am very sexy and know how to make love to a woman whom i love. Romance is my middle name.

      1. 479.3.1
        Karl R

        bill warren:

        Is this article about you? (click link here)

        It’s a 2011 article about someone named Bill Warren searching for a Russian bride. The details seem to match.

      2. 479.3.2
        Tompkins

        What a deluded idiot you are. Russian women are the most deceptive women on this planet. Let her rip you off some more & be happy with all your money after you are gonzo. If your wallet is wide open than why the hell would she need to ask. Pathetic man. Deluded & pathetic

  30. 480
    Kylie

    Marc is TOTALLY right! I’m 37 and I can still get all that from younger men, so why would I date older??

    i think all these comments from guys who are above 45 dating 22 year old girls are gross. The frontal lobes of the brain don’t even develop until we are 23. you are cradle robbing and she is disillusioned by you because she doesnt have any dating experience or got dumped by a guy her age and your kindness is a cure for her low self-esteem. I am 37, and i wouldnt even think about dating a 45 year old guy. Makes way more sense to date younger men since we both align sexually and men die before women. that being said, my bf is 27, but I would never date someone under 25 like you creepos, and if I were in my 40s, I wouldnt date someone under 30…21 year old boys pursue me often and they look like children to me…21 year old girls look just as young!!!!

    you guys can’t possibly have anything in common with a 22 year old. You just want your d*** hard and ego fed.

    1. 480.1
      Katie

      Yeah, but they aren’t committing to you are they, sweetheart.

      1. 480.1.1
        Kylie

        who isn’t commiting to me? I have a boyfriend. Most guys do want to commit to me, at all ages. I’m beautiful and highly educated. Why are you defending perverted men who go for jailbait girls anyway? Are you dating on of them? lol!!

        1. Karl R

          Kylie said:

          “I’m beautiful and highly educated.”

          Excellent. As a highly educated woman, you should be able to look up the definitions of “perverted” and “jailbait”.

           

          While you’re at it, look up the definitions for “hypocrisy” and “the pot calling the kettle black”.

        2. Katie

          You don’t mean to, but you come across as a child. Yeah my dude is younger, but he’s not a toy.

      2. 480.1.2
        Katie

        I didn’t seek a younger dude. I’ve always preferred older. But this one (guy)  is such an easy relationship and he makes me so fucking happy all the time.

    2. 480.2
      Buck25

      Kylie,

      After that post, I’m tempted to respond with a heaping helping of snark; I feel that ego of yours, so nicely demonstrated above and below, can easily absorb the shock.. I’ll pass, except to note that if you spent less time judging others, and a little more time on some self-awareness and self-correction (I’m sure there are a few little flaws in your oh-so-perfect self) , the world around you would be a better place. as for “most guys wanting to commit to you at all ages”, all I can say is that after that little display of bigotry and ignorance, I sure as hell wouldn’t! That attitude of yours alone would take your rating in my book  from a perfect 10, to a 2- in less than 5 minutes, and I haven’t even seen a picture yet, so I’m being generous, and giving you a perfect start value, just for fun. I’m glad you’ve got a boyfriend; I’d advise you to hang onto him, cause I’m not so sure finding his replacement would be as easy as you imagine. I really don’t much care, personally; you’re not old enough to date me, chronologically or maturity wise.

      1. 480.2.1
        Kylie

        You all seem very bitter that I called out older men who go for someone 20 years younger than them. We all know that’s sick. I would only go 10 years younger or older, no more than that–it’s a whole different generation–my point being that (yes, Katie, I did say perverted because that’s what they are) men try to justify dating 2 generations younger by saying “she’s mature” or “we have chemistry,” but we all know what the truth is–shallow reasons (as the article states: wrinkle-free).  We might live in a patriarchy, but that doesn’t mean I have to agree with the bullshit

        1. Kylie

          And yes Katie, I used jailbait because when i was 15, I had a lot of middle aged men hitting on me and making me feel uncomfortable, as if it was their right

        2. Buck25

          No Kylie, you don’t have to agree with the so called “Bullshit”; mine, or anyone else. What you do have to do, is respect other people’s lawful choices, something you seem unable to do without name calling, or conflating their actions with those of men who prey on children (which is exactly what teenage girls are). You’ve done the latter twice now, by the way, so no question it’s a deliberately incendiary (though rather intellectually lacking) tactical choice of yours.

          Just to check, I asked my 45 year old (and slightly wrinkled, but still quite beautiful) girlfriend whether she thinks my relationship with her is “child molesting” or “perverted”. After she stopped laughing, she said to tell you to go fly a kite and mind your own business. I’m paraphrasing; actually she said it in somewhat more colorful language, which I won’t quote here, because I don’t want to get down in the sewer with you on that. I will say that, as others have noted, you sound like a petulant, spoiled child, who for reasons best known to herself has appointed herself god, judge and jury to decide who others may or may not love. Sorry, but my girlfriend and I don’t need or even want your “permission”, I don’t care what you “think” (in your case, “emote” is a better term) and I only regret that your vaunted education must have found you nodding off to sleep when the subjects of “logical argumentation” and “critical thinking skills” came up. Most of us here are familiar with the term “argumentum ad hominem”, which seems to be about the sum of what you have contributed to the discussion.

          Incidentally, I seem to recall a thread, where some forty+ and 50+ women (several admitting being married or otherwise “attached”, yet)were bragging over having sex with “boyfriends”, (or was it pool boys) under 25. I didn’t find it disturbing, or even surprising, really. However, I do wonder where your radical feminist outrage over the “perversion” and “child molesting” at that was, since I didn’t see so much as a patriarchy-hating, misandrist peep from your cohorts…or you! Interesting.

        3. SparklingEmerald

          Buck – Just to check, I asked my 45 year old (and slightly wrinkled, but still quite beautiful) girlfriend whether she thinks my relationship with her is “child molesting” or “perverted”.

          Hi Buck -Good to see you again.  Glad to hear you have a GF now.  YAY YOU !!!!!

        4. CJ

          I agree with you Kylie – merely because I have a gorgeous daughter in her 20s and if she came home with a guy my age – his balls wouldn’t be attached when he left.  There is a huge power differential between a 20 year old and a 40 year old.  I’ve never met someone who was with someone so much older who wasn’t being manipulated, didn’t have self esteem problems or he wasn’t abusive in some way.  Reading this page also makes me realise any man that may be interested in me will be fantasising about my daughter once he meets her. yuck. I really don’t care how lawful it is – it’s ick factor is extreme. I don’t feel the same way about a 40 year old and a 60 year old – that is completely different. They’ve both grown up, both had lives. a 20 year old is still a child in many ways. A 40 year old is not. Disgusting. I also don’t give a shit about male imperative, biological imperative etc. All the best men I know look at 20 year old girls as children – most of them have daughters that age and wouldn’t dream of boning one.

        5. Karl R

          Kylie said: (#480.2.1)

          “You all seem very bitter that I called out older men who go for someone 20 years younger than them.”

          Nope. I’m just making fun of the blatant hypocrisy of a 37 year old who brags about dating a 27 year old, but then goes on to claim that someone similar who is dating under 25 is perverted, sick, a creepo, and shallow.

          Also the blatant hypocrisy of a woman who “wouldnt even think about dating” a man 8 years older, but clearly has no problem dating a man who would date 10 years older.

          And also the blatant hypocrisy of someone who claims men are using self-serving justifications, while blindly ignoring the self-serving justifications that fill her own posts.

           

          Stop trying to claim the moral high ground. You’re 37. You questioned why you would date anyone older than you. You wouldn’t consider dating a man who is 45. You appear to be bragging about dating a man who is 27. IF these men are as bad as you claim, then your position is a moral slippery slope just slightly above them.

           

          In addition to your questionable moral stance, you’re a “highly educated” woman who has misused numerous words … including “bitter”. (Also perverted, jailbait, disillusioned, truth and generation.)

        6. GoWiththeFlow

          Buck25,

          Yay!!!  I’m glad you stuck it out in the often too brutal for words dating scene and met someone.  You “sound” happy 🙂

          Congrats and good luck in your future with your new sweetheart!

        7. Vanessa

          You old guys kill me wrinkle free lmao what do you think your  genitals look like that of a 20 year old man gtfo yeah very sexy wrinkled balls with gray hairs 😂😂😂😂

      2. 480.2.2
        Nat

        @Buck25: Awesome! I saw some rather cynical posts from u before and am happy ure with a beautiful girlfriend now. 🙂

        1. Henriette

          Agreed.  Delighted to read that you have a lovely girlfriend these days, dear @Buck25.  Huzzah!

        2. Buck25

          Nat, Henriette, SE, and GWTF,

          Thank you all for your kind words and well wishes! It wasn’t the dating scene that brought us together;  a long story, but pretty much just serendipity that brought us into each other’s lives in a different way, only for us to discover an emotional bond between us that was a surprise to both of us. We’re not quite 3 months into the caring supportive friendship that has developed; there’s chemistry too, a lot of it, between us, but while we love each other very much, and are exclusive, neither of us is ready to be “in love” again, and we know it. We’ve decided to take it slow, and keep growing the connection and trust, until we both feel ready for more. For now, what we have just feels right, and that’s enough.

          Haven’t had much time lately to post here; I’m only on here this weekend, cause she’s fighting a really bad cold, and needs to rest. I’ll drop by from time to time, when I can, just to stir the pot a bit  🙂

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