Why Would a Younger Woman Want to Date a Much Older Man?

Okay, Evan, I agree mostly with your opinion on younger men/older women. What do you say about the reverse? I mean, I can see why an older man would want to date a younger woman – physically that is, but why would a 28-year-old woman want to date a man 45 or more?

Penelope

Dear Penelope,

Beats the shit out of me.

I can totally understand why older men go for younger women. There’s no denying that they’re, for the most part, in better shape, with better skin, and less baggage from broken relationships. Time creates wisdom – but it also creates responsibilities and complications – mortgage, kids, career, etc. All of this makes dating more and more complex as we get older. It’s a lot easier for a man to take out a carefree, responsibility free, baggage free, wrinkle free 28-year-old, which is why so many men try to go in that direction. I’m not condoning this. I’m OBSERVING that it happens.

Still, most of them fail miserably, for the exact same reasons that I think Penelope is suggesting. Men want much younger women, but rarely do much younger women want older men. Put another way, if a woman has an array of other quality options closer to her age range, what incentives would she have to date a man who is SEVENTEEN YEARS OLDER?

She doesn’t NEED a guy who’s 45. She can find that same amazing guy at age 30. Or 35. Or 40.

Not many, I’m thinking.

Before any 40+ people get all hot and bothered about this – I am not judging. There is nothing wrong with aging. I do think people improve with age (my wife is nodding). But let’s not pretend that we, as a culture, don’t worship at the altar of youth. If you’re over the age of 40 and have ever said, “But I’m told I look five years younger than my age”, then you’re not immune to it yourself. But see, for men who covet younger women, it’s not whether you look good for your age – it’s what age you really are.

Because it’s competitive out there for all of us. People have choices. And nobody has more choices than a 28-year-old woman. If she wants to date a guy who is 6’2”, makes $400,000+, likes skiing, is within ten miles of her house and five years of her age, you know what? She could probably find him. All she has to do is go on Match.com, and wade through a few thousand applicants. The point is, she doesn’t NEED a guy who’s 45. She can find that same amazing guy at age 30. Or 35. Or 40. She doesn’t need a guy who will be taking Viagra when she’s sexually peaking at 43.

Don’t get me wrong, there are advantages in a 45-year-old guy. He’s probably a man. He’s got the job and the home and the car, and been divorced with a kid already. So if a woman finds it more appealing to just step into that world – to jump from the prolonged adolescence of the late 20’s into full-fledged settled-down womanhood – that could make sense.

Most of them are completely creeped out at the prospect of dating a guy who was alive when JFK was alive.

There are many other things that are attractive about older men. They embody wisdom and stability. They can afford nicer restaurants and vacations and have cultivated greater tastes in the arts. They’re more experienced, more chivalrous, and more likely to want to settle down than a twentysomething party boy.

And yet, they probably resemble Penelope’s dad more than they resemble her brother….

This is the most compelling reason behind why younger women might go for older men: they’re daddy substitutes. An older man’s going to be the strong, nurturing guy who takes care of her, teaches her, and treats her like a princess – the kind of relationship that she probably lacked growing up.

Hey, I’m no psychologist – just your friendly, neighborhood dating coach. But I do know women, and lots of women in their 20’s. And the truth is that most of them are completely creeped out at the prospect of dating a guy who was alive when JFK was alive. These women were born in the EIGHTIES. They grew up with computers. They’re contemporaries with Britney Spears. Whether we like it or not, there is nearly a full generation gap between 28 and 45. A few women may bridge this gap for lust or money or dimestore psychological reasons, but most of the 28-year-old women I know would prefer to date a great, stable 30-40 year-old – who also knows what Snapchat is.

Okay, older men – tell me why I’m wrong. But don’t forget, you and your younger girlfriends are the EXCEPTION. I’m writing about the RULE.

By the way, my girlfriend wants it on record that she would totally sleep with Harrison Ford if he should be reading this. So as a gift to both of them: Sure, why not? Happy 66th, Indy!

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Comments:

  1. 511
    Mike

    I fell in love with a 29 year old women I am 48 – all the same things said in this article are true – she desire a nurturing older man that would fullfill her  desire to be the protected princess – not financially but emotionally. And what is wrong with that? – NOTHING – truth be told we are all desire one thing or another and each person you meet may potentially complete your life as you want it.

     

    Put it this way – 2 guy both attractive both athletic – but 1 had more refined tastes – more financial stability – knows how to take care of a woman – isn’t into all the head games – just wants a woman to love and care for vs a younger guy who has yet to achieve any other this – maybe 1% of the under 30 market perhaps – but more than 20-30% of the older market .

     

    Go with what you know – the older guy – you are attracted to has proven he is what you want Emotionally and physically vs the younger guy who is still finding himself, yes he might has time on his side – but the older guy has experience on his and if fit and active you KNOW that is what you are getting vs the younger guy who could fall apart in 4 years after you get married

  2. 512
    Klm

    I will be 26 in a month and this guy I have been seeing will be 47 at the end of the year. We get along great. We don’t argue and I think I’m in love with him already. I have always been into older men. Sadly I get mistaken for his daughter alot.we joke around about that. I don’t have a problem with it but I think it bothers him a little bit. But the people who know us don’t seem to care and are happy for us that’s all that matters. The sex is always good too 🙂

  3. 513
    Robbie

    I am 49, and am madly in love with a woman who is 21.

    My love and I care about each other very deeply, and am hoping to be married soon. Sure, the expectations of society and friends can influence the way that you feel, about anything. Especially things that deviate from a social ‘norm’… but if you are true to what you and your partner both have in your hearts, then THAT should be all that matters.

    My partner also says we shouldn’t listen to all the naysayers, and that they are just envious and jealous of a relationship that isn’t superficial – but pure, and true, and from the heart. And honestly, I would rather my star burn out brightly with her now no matter the outcome and what the future may hold, than to slowly have it fade away and diminish, because I was too concerned and worried about the world’s opinions of us, and didn’t follow what I knew to be true.

    I’m old enough to know that a real love like this is rare, and it must be fought for no matter how difficult the fight can be at times, and how loud and negative all the noise from the outside can become.

     

  4. 514
    Lisa

    I have an honest question for the ladies dating older men how do you deal with the sexual issues or do they just don’t matter all that much to you? This is something I’m struggling with. I’m 40 and he’s 47 we started dating when I was 38.  I have always had a high sex drive but as I’ve gotten older it’s skyrocketed.  I’ve dated a few other men over 45 and despite the excellent shape and looking 5 years younger they claim no amount of Viagra can make sleeping with a 47 year old the same as a 35 year old.  Sure older men tend to be a bit more attentive but the sex is not frequent enough. Then there’s the ED issues. My partner has DE meaning only his own manual stimulation makes him reach orgasm and that’s just not enjoyable for me. Then there’s the I am tired my back hurts etc.  And it lasts for hours and this is not a good thing! It’s because he can’t orgasm!

    Do I just suck it up and realize I will go through menopause soon and lose my own drive? My last partner and I had sex 5 days a week and now I’m lucky to get it once a week and it’s bad! Any advice? Do the May/December romances only work with women with low sex drives? And why does it seem like this issue is never discussed? No they don’t have health issues and while Viagra keeps it up it does nothing to help with DE.

    1. 514.1
      Sylvana

      I don’t have an answer for you, Lisa, just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone. Even guys in their early 30s have a hard time keeping up with me, so I couldn’t even imagine what would happen with an older man (yes, I realize there are some exceptions).

      Generally, I would assume that those type of romances would work better with women with low sex drives, or women who do not feel the need for actual penetrative partner sex so much. Either that, or they just get younger lovers.

      To me, sex plays way too big a role in a relationship to be overlooked.

      You have my sympathy. You are certainly in a tough spot.

      1. 514.1.1
        Lisa

        Thanks.  I am on the same page as you with the high sex drive.  No one really talks about this issue.  I have many female friends that have always had low drives and would be overjoyed at having sex once a week or less.  But all the ladies with the older men say that the man is a great lover. I have no doubt that some are. But you can’t brush aside that almost every man starts to have ED issues at a certain age no matter how in shape or young they look.  If you are the same age when this happens I don’t know that it would matter as much.  But if you have a huge age gap then the woman at some point is going really be frustrated. I guess I’m not sure if this is a blind spot or if both men and women in these relationships are struggling with this and don’t discuss it.  That’s why it really think for me it’s better to date younger or the same age.  And  I am not necessarily finding that older men are more mature and stable. It’s pretty much like dating a man in their 20s with the body of a man in their late 40s.  Part of me wonders if that’s because men who do not date women their own age in large part are very superficial. Sure there are men who love younger women for their minds but for most it’s about looks and people who are looks focused tend not to be less mature and relationship focused. If I’m on online dating and see a man that is not looking for women in his own age range I look right past them.  Many say they do it as they want to have kids but by and large it’s because they are superficial.   The reason that’s concerning is that we all get old.  So or looks matter that much to him then he will ditch you when you get there old. I once dated a man who saved my pics from FB to display or look at but only the ones from when I was in my 20s. I was in my mid 30s. I said I don’t look like that anymore! But you could if you lost some weigh etc.  He got dumped immediately!

  5. 515
    michele

    I would never even consider dating a man 17 years older than me. Current statistics show men’s life expectancy around 75-76 years and women’s about 81-82, assuming a man dies 5-6 years earlier than a women, and being 17 years older, the woman would be a widow at age 60.  No thanks, I prefer a man 5-10 years younger than me

    1. 515.1
      Tony mead

      Hi I just read your remark,I’m 76 and not ready to kick the bucket just yet.Though I have angina I enjoy life, I’ve met this fantastic woman who is 34,nothing will happen sexually but we both enjoy each others company plus interests. I hope to carry on living longer,and by the way,people think I am between 50and 60.

       

  6. 516
    Me

    Love, love, LOVE my older man. He’s so beautiful (he would/does scoff, but I care not a whit; I see it all, and adore every bit), compassionate, wise, and has raised two excellent children. He’s very well-travelled and educated, knows exactly what he wants and has no problems communicating, and I cherish the emotional stability that our relationship provides to myself and my children. I am so thankful to have him in our lives. I’m certain that we get looks in public (I’m, in my early 30s, and he, in his 50s) but it gives me great pleasure to burrow into him or stroke and kiss his back/arms/face wherever we are. Our sex life is OMG AMAZING. Never have I felt more comfortable or beautiful with anyone. He is the first I’ve dated outside my age group. I would marry this man with no second thoughts or regrets. He treats me the way I ought to be. Perhaps the “Daddy” thing runs briefly through his mind; I did have a difficult childhood. But I believe if it were an issue, he would definitely say something. And, as I stated before, our communication is such a fucking blessing after my previous (violent/unstable) relationships. This guy is the absolute best. My silver fox, for sure. Haters gon’ hate, but this lady licks clean her heirloom plate. What can I say? I’m a glutton for some kick-ass cake.

  7. 517
    Kat

    I’m going to be 30 by the end of ’17.  Never had a boyfriend, serious or otherwise and I have been celibate for 8 years. I have   always been attracted to guys that ended up being younger than me,  two weeks to five years younger- at the youngest I was 24/25 when he was 20.  The thought/flash/idea of dating a guy older (even a week older) had never entered my mind, I thought I had a thing for younger guys, and figured I’d always be a cougar,  fine with me.

    ———–Cut to Sept of ’16 when I start as a nanny for a family with 6 kids ages 7-15.  The dad is 48 and probably 60+ lbs overweight but he’s like 6’2″ so he just looks like a big,  tall guy and WOW I can’t help but just wanna drop to my knees and suck him off *everyday when he comes through the door.  He is good looking,  just a very sweet face and smile and his eyes light up and sparkle when we talk,  he’s so animated and so full of energy for a hardworking man with so many kids.   He is funny and kind and sometimes he gives me a look and I feel like we are sharing the same thought!   SO BAD!!   he is always overly kind, to me at least  . He and his wife kinda always bicker in front of me and it kinda seems like she doesn’t really respect(him or)  his feelings anymore…. But I’m not there all the time,  he “probably makes passionate love to her every night and they are still crazy about each other” (they have been married 18 years)– I repeat this to myself to keep the naughty “tug him by his belt” thoughts at bay—–

    I could never make the first move but if he were to make it,  I’d be ashamed to think of how far I would let him go! Hhhmmmmm he is super sexy and I wonder if he can tell that I think he’s a silver fox lol

    seriously I could see how other girls my age l wouldn’t think they could ever be into older guys.   OMG,  just wait.   They are out there – and this one is super duper sexy. 8=======D

     

     

    So yeah obviously I have it pretty bad for this guy…

  8. 518
    Rose

    While there always exceptions, I do believe that older men who look for younger women to date are either searching for their lost youth in a last ditch effort to hold back the hands of time or very out of touch with what is involved with dating a woman young enough to be their child.  Sorry, I think a relationship involves more than just sex, which would have to be the main reason for the “youth attraction”.  I am happy for anyone, of any age who finds mutual true love in a relationship, but older man/younger woman or vice versa isn’t the norm, it’s the exception.

    I have been divorced for 15 years, slowly getting into the dating arena (I know I’m a slow starter).  I’m 64, attractive, educated and responsible and I can tell you that the majority of profiles on dating sites indicate wanting a much younger woman.  I breeze right through them as to me it says they have not yet come to terms with the chronological aging process and are carrying one suitcase too many.  Maybe they need to someone to validate their virility, maybe the idea of trading up spills over from the new sports car they purchased.

    I do agree that younger women do have options, older men are delusional if they believe a younger woman has common goals and interests.  I have talked with many who become disillusioned after realization hits and still some who have no idea why it doesn’t last and refuse to give up the search for “the one” in the haystack.

    Dating as you age is harder, no doubt about it.  Men and women have some variety of baggage or experiences that shape them both good and bad.  How those circumstances are managed and how you survive are the important issues, not a defining age albeit within reason.  If they are looking 15 to 30 years difference, there is something they have not dealt with.

  9. 519
    HC3249

    I was 22 when I met my 37 year old now (ex) husband who I never in a million years thought was 37!!! He had such a baby face!!!! But a handsome baby face. Held himself the right way. Could carry on an intelligent conversation with me about any and everything. And His age didn’t really come up again until a few weeks have gone by and by then I was already falling for him.  I almost fell off my chair when he told me what year he was born… long story short, we had so much in common, liked all the same things, right down to our fave football team and food, that our age difference never posed a problem for us. I believe I am a bit more of an old soul though. I am the exception, not the rule. (I am 32 now.) I think me behaving older than I am is why we connected with each other when we met. Ok so You are probably thinking that we are divorced so you are sure our age had something to do with our marriage ending, right? Wrong!  our age had absolutely nothing to do with Our marriage not working out… We are actually very good friends today. We just had a different set of values we each wanted to live by and it came between us. We just weren’t meant to be married… I am now seeing a wonderful, sexy, sweet, hard working 49 year old man who will put any 30-35 year old guy to shame in the bedroom!!! I am not someone with a daddy issue either… I just look around at the selection of available 30 something guys and I’m like thanks but no thanks! I do not feel like I connect with a guy my age for some reason. Maybe I was truly meant to be born in the 60s or 70s instead of the 80s. But if it doesn’t work out with my 49 year old man, u can rest assured my next guy is not going to be anywhere near my age! If he’s not 8-10 years older than me (minimum) I won’t even bother turning my head to look at him…. the maturity levels of the two age groups are just miles away I think and mature, established men just must be more my cup of tea. Just wanted to add my experience because I know I will always choose an older guy over a guy my own age! Sorry fellas! Lol!

  10. 520
    Shonda

    Well I am 27 and the man I am dating is 58. We started dating when I was 25 and to be honest, it is an uphill battle I’d say is worth fighting if you truly love the other person. Of course I’ve considered the age gap and everything that comes with it; we both have. We’ve discussed marriage, children, how we’ll raise them and what I’ll need to do IF I end up nursing him while raising our children. I’m perfectly fine with it all. I love that man.

    I loathe the party hopping, unfaithful, unstable men of 25 -35+. It is heart wrenching & EXTREMELY stressful to attempt to deal/date men just because they are within the age range that society deems acceptable. I’d rather be treated with dignity and respect than to constantly fight for the attention of an immature man child.

  11. 521
    Pamela

    Give me a break! There are ONLY two reasons young women date men who are MUCH older than they are. One could be the whole “daddy issue” thing BUT the number one reason is that the older man is Rich and she’s nothing but a gold digger. Or as I like to call them, a prostituting tramp!
    Most of the older men know that the women are primarily after their money and don’t care? Why? Because they suffer from low self-esteem. Because they’re shallow little boys who want to pretend that they’re still young. Of course knowing deep down inside that the only reason she’s there is his money and that if anything happened to the money that skank would be out the door before you could say “Bob’s your Uncle”.
    Oh and before any little conniving liars start babbling their little over rehearsed B.S let me stop you. A brilliant man awhile ago made the most brilliant observation about these tramps who make up all these laughable reasons as to why they’re “really dating” the older man.  In fact he torpedoed their B.S straight to h**l!  He asked “If these women are so into older men, then why do NONE of them ever date one who is poor or living paycheck to paycheck?”  CLAP, CLAP, CLAP, CLAP, CLAP!!!!  BUSTED!

     

    1. 521.1
      kat

      i have a trust fund and this guy isnt loaded so the money(HIS MONEY) has literally nothing to do with my attraction to him.   we arent all gold diggers lol

  12. 522
    Wilson

    I’m 74 and have started a relationship with a 28 year old woman.  She’s the daughter of a neighbor and comes to visit frequently.  She told me she drives down if she knows I’m going to be home because she likes me.  As in LIKE.  I’m in good shape, healthy, working, active.  And now I have a crush on a girl who is 46 years younger than I am.  I know it’s not reasonable, not politically correct, and irrational.  But I still have a crush on her.  And want to be with her.

     

  13. 523
    Pameal J

    Be that as it may be Kat, You’re in the extreme minority. MOST young women chasing after an older man has daddy issues or just wants his money. And Wilson, grow up. There are plenty of good women near your own age. Not all are confined to a wheelchair or rocking chair or out haunting some bingo hall.  Some are out learning to line-dance, or they have taken up sky-diving. Some have even taken up learning how to ride a motorcycle! So never mind the tired old stereotypes. I bet there are some ladies in their 60’s (I’m in my 40’s btw) who could run circles around that little 28 year old.
    As for me, I believe up to 45 one should (as a rule of thumb) stay within 10 years of one’s age. When one starts to near 50 (ahem) than one might go 20 years. I myself have a HUGE crush on a wonderful 65 yr old man. That’s only a 16 yr age difference. Our biggest problem isn’t our age difference but rather he’s a liberal and I’m a conservative. That’s our sore point. lol

  14. 524
    marie4488

    I am 29 going on 30 in love with a 45 year old man. We have been wanting to be with each other for years, but the military made it hard for us to be together. I married a “man” around my age and it was the biggest mistake of my life. He was immature and didn’t want to be married anymore. Now that we are both out of the military and my ex husband divorced me for a downgrade, I am finally with my soul mate. Both of our families were little skeptical at first because of the generation gap. But now they approve of our relationship after seeing how happy we are together. We are in love. And yes, I prefer an older man because they are mature and they actually want to be loyal husbands and loving fathers. They don’t want to play games and they desire true love. I have no regrets.

  15. 525
    Trey holliday

    This whole article makes younger men look very bad.

    younger men are stronger and more virile, a 28 year old women is not only up for grabs for a 30 – 40(!!!) year old man.

    i think the more realistic approach would be 25 – 35 yo men at the most man come on

    yiu are listing all of these reasons why a man 45 year old is better but then suggest that a man who’s 40 is what women are looking for it just bashed men under 30 to no end it’s fucking annoying and not true

  16. 526
    Anthony

    Im 63 and she is 37. We first met at age 50 and 25. Through a series of events we are a committed  couple.

    My daughter introduced me to the concept of behavioral, and physjcal  ages that defy chronological age. In my case my behavioral age was 20 years younger and my physical age was 10 to 15 years younger.  She on the other had grew up with family responsibilities and thus emotionally older.  Thus she preferred older men.

    My son inlaw intoduced me to the rule of half your age plus 7. This formula basically draws the line on how much older can a man be before its creepy.  Good thing we are on that line. Plus I behave a look younger and she behaves older/matur.

  17. 527
    Sorcha

    Well the reason an older man would want a younger women is because they think men > women. The reasons you listed (looks, no kids, less experienced) make men look like shallow, unintelligent superficial idiots. What do they think happens to them? Well most men aren’t that attractive to begin with so don’t have that much to lose there. But please have you seen the recent Star Wars movie? Luke Skywalker looks ragged and aged as much as Princess Leia. Older men have loads of baggage about women and older women in general apparantly to even entertain the thought of dating a younger women. I know some REAL men that aren’t going to stoop that low.

    The women, well most in my opinion have psych issues and could use some couch time. Many of these women break the relationship up with the man and his wife! They think the whole thing is thrilling because the man is putting her on a pedastool where as a man her age has a lot of other options and is more challenging to match up with.

    These aren’t the only scenarios of course but  in any case the women is most likely going to be regretting. For a lot of these men it’s not about the women, but her age. In 10 yrs he’s going to lose interest and start looking at other women because of their number. Also, a lot of these men have sexist attitudes and he’s going to look crisp and clean cut while you are going to look haggard in 10 years of marriage to a misogynist person. When the divorce happens, which with age gaps is much more likely, men are gonna dog you like they did to the older women when you were young. Who wants to live in that type of world??? Self-centered, unthinking idiots! But these relationships aren’t all too common any way unless the 20 something is getting paid. Good on her, if the man is trying to use you.. use the hell out of him.

    I’m in my late 20s and the older men who have approached me gave me bad vibes. They seem insecure, self entitled and immature. A man at that age should have developed mentally and emotionally past the age of 14, they seem blissfully unaware of their own shortcomings. And to be so hung up on physical appearance is disturbing. Infact, that immatufity is one of the reasons why he likes 20 year olds because they are on the same level. Trash, no thanks. All women should place the same standards on these men that they do on women and they will be left for wanting cause they think women only go for resources and experience. Lol funny, no women are just more compassionate than these nut jobs. I find younger men more attractive too, and what I watch on porn would make most men whiney little bitches. But I know fantasy from reality, I know that’s not what I really want and in most cases if other criteria aren’t met it’s going to be unhealthy.

    But I’m sure they can find some bimbo who doesn’t know any better and can’t think rationally to “woo”. The men think it makes them look good, but really the best you could do is a 20 something yr old who doesn’t know any better to have standards, psych issues and can’t think rationally? No it looks like you are taking advantage of this person and you look pathetic! Lol.

  18. 528
    Jack Presscot

    OK, here is my 50 cents in this very interesting and intriguing conversation. 1. I am 48 years old. My last failed relationship was with a bitter, washed up, wasted drug addict/alcoholic who had severe “Daddy” issues and was still madly in love with an ex convict who knocked out her teeth. That waste of time lasted 5 weeks. She was 41. She looked 60. A lifetime of drug and alcohol abuse, not exercising or watching her diet, and hard living made her resemble “Witchiepoo” from Puff N’ Stuff. It was very easy to leave her, as there was zero physical attraction after a brief romance in 2000. This was in 2012 (11 years later, I tried a reuniting, in 2000 she was 29 and beautiful). Since then I have attempted brief interludes with women my age. I find them to be bitter, cynical man-haters who want to be in granny panties and pajamas at 7:30pm on a Friday night. (I wont mention that Denise Austin they are not) I am just not there yet. I want to hit great restaurants, Jazz Clubs, and breweries/concerts and movies on the odd Friday and Saturday night, not get into PJ’s at 7pm and post cynical mimes on social media. I live in the gym, on the treadmill and the weight-room, am VERY careful with my diet, ride a motorcycle and can karaoke with the best of them. I literally cannot find a woman my age who can keep up with me, for any of these things, a good show in Vegas at midnight, forget it, most of the 46+ women I know are snoring by then, watching their grandchildren. F**k that noise, I want a woman who wants to be there, at a late night lounge, laughing, dancing and listening to music. So, that being that, women in the 40-60 range, well, suck, women beyond that, um, no, ick, and women 30-39 are either married or have 4-6 kids from 3 different men, and need me for babysitting duties. (OH HELL NO) So many of the women in their 20’s see me as “Gramps” I am literally stuck in Hell. No way out. Too bad, I’ll have to do Hawaii, the Bahamas and Vegas solo. Life is not horrible. But not good either.

  19. 529
    lonely widower

    I’m about to break my mission to stay as a single since my wife’s death after 36 years of marriage, because I met a divorcee who is 20 years younger than me. The quagmire is I have to marry her to be together with her since she is a foreigner. And the prenuptial is not a guaranteed contract to protect the asset according to my research so far. So I am having second thought about the relationship because I have quite a feasible amount of net equity. Now , I just finished reading the news of a black widow who killed a few old rich guys met at the dating site. Scary. She is really a beautiful woman, but ………. Love?     I will just stay as a bachelor.

  20. 530
    Paul

    I was a 50 year old male with a very successful career in my own business. I met a 20 year old at a local Starbucks. I did not initiate the conversation and never thought I would ever consider dating someone so much younger than myself. She started talking to me and the next thing I knew it was 4 hours later. I was very surprised how knowledgeable and intelligent this young girl was. She was able to keep up on every conversation we had. Before she left, asked me for my number and texted me the next day asking if I would like to go to dinner. I agreed.

    We went out to a beautiful restaurant in the city and when she walked in the door my mouth practically hit the floor. She was gorgeous. Even more so, the conversation flowed so flawlesslessly. After our dinner date we took a carriage ride in the city and she leaned over and kissed me. I was a little taken back as I did not expect that, but the emotions were flowing strong. We wnded our date and made sure she was home safe.

    Before I made it home, received a text from her about an amazing time we had

    Two days later, she asked me out again.  This time I took her on a Sail cruise around the city.  I chartered my own private boat.  We had a long talk about our age difference and wanted to truly understand why. She told me that she was just sick and tired of meeting guys her age that had no direction in life. She did not want my money and if it ever became serious would have no issues signing a prenup if I wanted.  I have to say for all I built, the prenup totally set my mind at ease.  She is not a foreigner and was born here in the US  she does not have daddy issues and only wants to enjoy the time we have together no matter what direction this takes us.

    Well, here it is 4 years later and every day with her is like the first time we met.  We travel the world together and the sex is amazing  I have a daughter older than my girl and I thought it would be an issue, but my daughter not only accepted her, they get along amazingly so.

    The age gap certainly has it’s downfalls, however when you find someone that truely clicks with you and the chemistry is there and conversation does not have those awkward silent pauses, then what does she have to do with anything.  When people are together, we never know how much time we have with that person. People die at all ages and people change, and this goes for whether you are dating someone your age or not. Think about the person with Cancer and has 2 years to live, yet falls in love and they are both able to cherish the time they have together.  This is the way I feel.

    Not took a while for her parents to come around, but over time, everyone just accepted and we all make it work.  Bottom line, anything worth having is worth the struggle.

    Just figured I would share my story and show you that sometimes age is just a number and time is what you make of it

     

  21. 531
    Steve

    Ok if more people are against large age Gap relationships than for , talk to your congressmen to make a law saying it’s illegal. Like going 55 in a 25? Go ahead if your so against it. Guess what? Most people ignore speed limit signs. I’ll wager that most people here that are against age Gap relationships, speed at some point and justify it. You may say that’s not the same thing. Well guess what? Its a thought from your mind. An action initiated by your brain. Comes from the same place.

  22. 532
    W

    Well I’m 64 and I have been seeing a yong woman 24 years of age for nearly 18 months.  We have not crossed the line with sex because we didn’t want that to be the basis of our emotions.  Over the times both have fallen for each other.  As the man getting older I’m concerned about the age difference and how many years (good years) we could have together.  We’ve talked about what lies ahead and it is easy to say I will take care of you but in real life as I have read some of the stories here it will be harder than you think.  My sister married a man 17 years older and at age 82 his health took a nose dive this year.  His care has been hard on her and as I watch this situation I realize that could be me with the love of my life.  So I’m sad thinking I need to change all this as this has been the best 18 months of my life.

  23. 533
    Ronald G Miller

    Age be is a number, Ruth had Boaz, Ashish Mohammed. If you compatible, it doesn’t matter age Gap.If it’s just physical attraction, probably won’t last long. If there are similarities, then it’s between God and the two individuals, to hell with everyone else.

  24. 534
    Peter

    I’m a 68 year old male, currently living with a young woman of 25. We have been together for 3 1/2 years now, and still hopelessly in love with each other. My wife of 30 years died almost 10 years ago from cancer, and since then I have had a few relationships with women mainly in their 40’s….these never quite eventuated into what I was looking for……then I met my current partner, and may I say from the outset that she pursued me  rather than the other way around…….I was also her boss at the time! Hence my reluctance to form any relationship, however she was determined….thank goodness! lol.

    Our relationship just keeps getting stronger, and I cant remember ever having an argument!!! She has matured very very quickly and we both enjoy new hobbies and dreams for our future together. We live together and have recently purchased our full scuba gear and so we go on diving trips together whenever we can. (Buddies)

    I lost my business a number of years ago, along with everything else I owned, and have just about managed to stave off bankruptcy, however my Biz partner and I have been getting ourselves back on our feet again, so in a year or so, I should be able to afford to purchase a home again and my partner and I dream of purchasing a yacht to sail away together!!! (a bit Romantic….but achievable!!!).

    Interesting to read about other peoples opinions and stories about their relationships. If I can add some advice it would be :. don’t be judgmental, don’t be jealous, be attentive, be a leader in your relationship, get to the gym at least twice a week, eat healthy, laugh a lot and bugger what the rest of the world think 🙂  Cheers all 🙂

  25. 535
    bob

    The problem, people have a right to their opinion however, trying to give various answers are from individuals who never experience enough to say what people do vs not do. The problem is so many people say this or that but, what do they know what is right vs what is wrong. It sounds like living people lives rather than their own. It is easy to say things about others but, are you ready for someone to speak on yours. Young men do not even know what a man is. People are entitled to marry who they want so, don’t speak on something like it is criminal. Older men are the best because young me do not teach wisdom nor financially sound period so, wait until you are older and I bet you will look for a younger woman and if so, so what. Let people live their lives and stop trying to live someone else’s-

  26. 536
    Sean B Kelly

    I am a man 42, never been married, but engaged 3 times.  The last killed herself at 20 years old, I was 29.  She was diagnosed with HIV, I don’t have it and that whole asain culture thing where you don’t do anything to dishonor your families name were her reasons.

    I have not really dated since then, always end up comparing potential dates to her.

    Older mem know what there looking for, this seems to be O.K. for women, but a man is a creep for it, the stigma.  In the 1990’s I was injured on a parachute jump in the Army and broke my neck, so I have/had limitations as to outings I could go on, but women (prior to the millennium) typically went for older men who were established in life.  It seems everyone was more family orientated just 20 years ago.  I figured that would be what would happened to me, after my second fiance.

    Then came the information age, and the media promoting it, making it seem people who live a certain way (i.e., sport sex, etc.) are happier, and perhaps so at times, but will they be as happy as someone in love, or had love in thier life.  When the clubbers are on thier death bed all they will have to reflect on is one night stands and such.  So they had fun, but at what extent.

    Personaly, I for the life of me, do not find womeny age or older attractive.  The main reason is they are so closed minded, they were gold diggers when they were young, or turned into one, and now they have nothing to show for it.  They were out at Parties and clubs while I was breaking my neck, and could not give a compassionate rejection, no we got fake numbers and such.

    Younger women need to keep in mind that if he showers you with gifts and money, then you will probably get left behind like these other women.  If he treats you with respect, kindness, and (tries) to understand you (Iets face it your women, I will never completely understand them) then he is trying, you could die before him and all this worrying and possible unhappy separations were time you wasted.  Just like any relationship, don’t waste the time you have together.

    Even if I never have that feeling again, I know I siezed the opurtunity, and felt something many people will never know.

    I am single, not celibate, lol

     

     

     

     

    1. 536.1
      Sean B Kelly

      Sorry, also wanted to mention:

      I have been with a prostitute, and couldn’t get into it, if she isn’t haveing fun I am not, so I couldn’t have been with a gold digger if I wanted, no true passion or emotion.  I imagine there are lot’s of people like that out there.  So I don’t see what the appeal for very rich dude and trophy wife.

       

  27. 537
    TRB

    I thought I’d give some insight on the age gap attraction from a young lady’s perspective. And yes, I know this is an exemption to EMK’s rule.

    My ex husband was 40 years old while I was merely 20 years old when we were married.  I found his intelligence attractive, and he was a good looking 40 lol. We were married for 10 years before we split, come to find out he was not as mature as his age implied. The conversations (during the good OL’ days) were amazing, from the philosophical to the down right silly.

    I still find older men to be more appealing than the ones my age, not because of some screwed up daddy issues or because I want his money. I find the conversations to have more depth and that older guys play far less mind games. Older guys seem to be more OPEN with their communication and less ..I guess embarrassed by their past. The older guys are more mature (for the most part) and KNOW how to respect and treat their lady.

    I don’t care if he’s rich or poor or what his ‘social standing’ is – so long as he’said attractive, intelligent and mature.

  28. 538
    ZenDog

    I recently seperated and then divorced from my wife after a miserable 20+ year relationship. I am now 49.

    I read some of Evan’s posts as I entered the dating world, in many ways for the first time. There was good advice. I’m glad I missed this one. It’s inconsistent with many of his other thoughts and reveals some bias about what he believes relationships and family are for.

    I was initially worried about finding my person. Someone that would find me attractive, valuable and I could emotionally trust. I certainly did not expect to date a lot of much younger women at 49 with a 13 year old son. I worried there would even be much interest.

    What happened was I stayed positive, confident, was not looking for a “type” but defined for myself and others the kind of relationship I was looking for. Kept my sense of humor.

    What happened was a good deal of interest and most of it from much younger women (10 to 25 years younger). What I learned was that I felt little happiness in the dates with western women especially if they were closer to my age. The closer to my age the more bitterness, cynicism and talk about their Exes I endured. They came across as insecure and needing to try to compete with their mate to feel better about themselves. This is what I had just escaped! I’m a social worker and the more they also expected me to “fix” them.

    I am a progressive. A liberal. A supporter of equal rights of feminism. However, feminism in this country has unnescessarily gone hand in hand with a loss of femininity.

    I traveled to other countries. Met strong women there who were definitely feminists but were also secure in their femininity.

    I am deeply in love with a 29 year old and she with me. We feel safe and loyal to one another. We show one another only respect and warmth. She knows I’m not rich. She does not care. Wshe sees me and she feels seen by me. We are attracted physically to one another.  We were not looking for a “relationship”. We were looking for our mate. For family. We are similiar in disposition and values but not much else. But that’s all we were looking for.

    I plan to ask her to marry me in May. I know she is hoping that’s what I will do.

    I am happy I did not read this post by Evan before we met. It might have whittled down my confidence to step towards a healthy love…in whatever unlikely place I may have discovered it.

  29. 539
    Sugoi Desu Ne. Yeah we are amwf couple.

    My fiance and I have a 15 year age difference.  She is 20 and I am 35.  We just got engaged after dating a year.  We actually dated for about 2 weeks before age was brought up.  We base when we started dating by when we first became sexually active with each other.  I was horrified to find out she was 21.  I say 21 because that’s what she initially told me.  About a month later she came out and showed me her drivers license that she was actually 19!!  I broke things off but she fought for me.  We actually read this page together and all of the comments.  It was important for me to make her realize what she will be going thru.  She isn’t going for a sugar daddy as she has signed a prenuptial.  Sometimes when 2 people love each other you have to be willing to fight for that love.  As she says we love each other equally and that is the most special and powerful love there is.  To all in a relationship with a large age difference it is very important to have a Frank and open discussion about what you both want and what may lie in the future for you both.  Godspeed to all.

  30. 540
    Rere

    Every new generation of men seem to have less and less testosterone. Especially this one. So of course a woman that doesn’t want to be the head of the household will want an older man. Older men are more challenging and much more guarded getting one to fall in love with a younger woman is a lot harder than getting a goun5man to fall in love. Older men have been there done that. Younger men are realizing that they do want to settle down. So there is some appeal there as well for younger woman. A man that is in shapes a man that is in shape, regardless of age. Older men have better habits and are more likely to take care of themselves.  Young men were raised in a fast food generation. Women despise weakness in a man more than ANYTHING else. The newer generation is oblivious to this. Expendables the movie is everything because these old men are still the major hard core actors. Wonder why… the new generation is not “manly” enough. To add to all of that younger men can’t get it up any more than older men. Due to porn and a diet of foods rich in estrogen erectile dysfunction is on the rise amoung men of all ages, even with teens.

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