Why Would a Younger Woman Want to Date a Much Older Man?

Okay, Evan, I agree mostly with your opinion on younger men/older women. What do you say about the reverse? I mean, I can see why an older man would want to date a younger woman – physically that is, but why would a 28-year-old woman want to date a man 45 or more?


Dear Penelope,

Beats the shit out of me.

I can totally understand why older men go for younger women. There’s no denying that they’re, for the most part, in better shape, with better skin, and less baggage from broken relationships. Time creates wisdom – but it also creates responsibilities and complications – mortgage, kids, career, etc. All of this makes dating more and more complex as we get older. It’s a lot easier for a man to take out a carefree, responsibility free, baggage free, wrinkle free 28-year-old, which is why so many men try to go in that direction. I’m not condoning this. I’m OBSERVING that it happens.

Still, most of them fail miserably, for the exact same reasons that I think Penelope is suggesting. Men want much younger women, but rarely do much younger women want older men. Put another way, if a woman has an array of other quality options closer to her age range, what incentives would she have to date a man who is SEVENTEEN YEARS OLDER?

She doesn’t NEED a guy who’s 45. She can find that same amazing guy at age 30. Or 35. Or 40.

Not many, I’m thinking.

Before any 40+ people get all hot and bothered about this – I am not judging. There is nothing wrong with aging. I do think people improve with age (my wife is nodding). But let’s not pretend that we, as a culture, don’t worship at the altar of youth. If you’re over the age of 40 and have ever said, “But I’m told I look five years younger than my age”, then you’re not immune to it yourself. But see, for men who covet younger women, it’s not whether you look good for your age – it’s what age you really are.

Because it’s competitive out there for all of us. People have choices. And nobody has more choices than a 28-year-old woman. If she wants to date a guy who is 6’2”, makes $400,000+, likes skiing, is within ten miles of her house and five years of her age, you know what? She could probably find him. All she has to do is go on Match.com, and wade through a few thousand applicants. The point is, she doesn’t NEED a guy who’s 45. She can find that same amazing guy at age 30. Or 35. Or 40. She doesn’t need a guy who will be taking Viagra when she’s sexually peaking at 43.

Don’t get me wrong, there are advantages in a 45-year-old guy. He’s probably a man. He’s got the job and the home and the car, and been divorced with a kid already. So if a woman finds it more appealing to just step into that world – to jump from the prolonged adolescence of the late 20’s into full-fledged settled-down womanhood – that could make sense.

Most of them are completely creeped out at the prospect of dating a guy who was alive when JFK was alive.

There are many other things that are attractive about older men. They embody wisdom and stability. They can afford nicer restaurants and vacations and have cultivated greater tastes in the arts. They’re more experienced, more chivalrous, and more likely to want to settle down than a twentysomething party boy.

And yet, they probably resemble Penelope’s dad more than they resemble her brother….

This is the most compelling reason behind why younger women might go for older men: they’re daddy substitutes. An older man’s going to be the strong, nurturing guy who takes care of her, teaches her, and treats her like a princess – the kind of relationship that she probably lacked growing up.

Hey, I’m no psychologist – just your friendly, neighborhood dating coach. But I do know women, and lots of women in their 20’s. And the truth is that most of them are completely creeped out at the prospect of dating a guy who was alive when JFK was alive. These women were born in the EIGHTIES. They grew up with computers. They’re contemporaries with Britney Spears. Whether we like it or not, there is nearly a full generation gap between 28 and 45. A few women may bridge this gap for lust or money or dimestore psychological reasons, but most of the 28-year-old women I know would prefer to date a great, stable 30-40 year-old – who also knows what Snapchat is.

Okay, older men – tell me why I’m wrong. But don’t forget, you and your younger girlfriends are the EXCEPTION. I’m writing about the RULE.

By the way, my girlfriend wants it on record that she would totally sleep with Harrison Ford if he should be reading this. So as a gift to both of them: Sure, why not? Happy 66th, Indy!

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  1. 91

    So Karl, what is the exact procedure that he should use?

  2. 92
    Karl R

    Michael asked: (#91)
    “So Karl, what is the exact procedure that he should use?”

    This isn’t the heimlich maneuver. There isn’t an exact procedure.

    For some general guidelines, Ricky might have better luck if…
    1) he hired a therapist to work on his self-confidence
    2) he prioritized his goals and set them to something achievable
    3) he got out there and started dating
    …in approximately that order.

    1. 92.1

      Marry whoever you like even if she is older as long as she wants kids.  Then adopt or use donated eggs and wha-la.  A family created by two people that WANT to be together.  If you target a young lady the chances of you ending up a sixty some year old divorced dad paying out child support to a wife that is now remarried to a man her own age is high.  I hope you don;t mind having young future children having a step dad in their lives and partially funding his lifestyle
      I could be wrong here but yeah, fat chance

  3. 93

    Thanks for the all the replies. The suggestion that I see a therapist over just one Internet post merits scrutiny. However, getting out their and dating is probably the best idea.

  4. 94

    “This is the most compelling reason behind why younger women might go for older men: they’re daddy substitutes. An older man’s going to be the strong, nurturing guy who takes care of her, teaches her, and treats her like a princess the kind of relationship that she probably lacked growing up.”

    Evan: I’m afraid you’ve gotten this wrong. Why assume that because a younger woman falls for an older man, it’s because she has psychological problems or a failed relationship with her father? My girlfriends and I have ALL fallen for older men (>20 years older than us) at some point or another, and we are normal women with good relationships with our fathers and other men.

    To put it bluntly: We fall for older men because in our society, older men carry all the perks. Our society perceives older men as being just as, if not more, attractive than younger men – quite different from how women are viewed. Biologically, older men are just as able to father children, so there’s no reason for us to seek younger men for procreation. In addition, they have more resources, they have more of that confidence and dignity that most men under 40 lack, and you rarely have to worry about “mothering” them. Having to take care of a man who wants to act like a boy is such a turn-off.

    I’m in my 30s. I find many 30s men unattractive because they seem so insecure and skitterish: kissing up to people in their jobs, trying to make everyone like them, trying to be acceptable, afraid of losing their positions and striving to climb the ladder… it’s a turn-off. Yes, there are 30s men who have confidence, and I admire them, but they are few and far between. I do prefer men who are at least a few years, if not a few decades, older.

    1. 94.1

      Well said !! 

    2. 94.2

      Helen, you talk like this because you haven’t actually been there, done that. Get married to a man 20 years older than you. They are not all bad so try it. I was attracted to older guys for same reasons, didn’t work out so well. Wish you better luck

  5. 95
    Michael Ejercito

    Biologically, older men are just as able to father children, so there’s no reason for us to seek younger men for procreation. In addition, they have more resources, they have more of that confidence and dignity that most men under 40 lack, and you rarely have to worry about mothering them. Having to take care of a man who wants to act like a boy is such a turn-off.
    Of course, you have to consider that a lot of those older men have children or ex-wives, which could be a turn-off.

    1. 95.1

      Of course, you have to consider that a lot of those older men have children or ex-wives, which could be a turn-off.

      And many seek for a younger women with the stamina to raise, nurse, nanny  and clean after his kids in his place while they seat happily their asses in the couch and let their teens disrespect a distraught young wife who is at loss about what to do.  That is, a maid. Unfortunately, I heard too many cases like this. And worse, many of these  older guys were responsible for the downfall of their marriages bc they simply refused to do their share in raising their kids and in the family responsabilities! Sexist and lazy mentality in many of this age group. Yes, there’s this side of this generation. I agree,huge turn-off.

  6. 96

    Or, Michael, a man having had kids already could be perfect for someone who doesn’t want to feel pressured to have any of her own. Having been married is like being vetted–a woman knows *somebody* was willing to marry him before, and more importantly, he was willing to try the commitment. A 40+-year-old bachelor screams “There’s something wrong with me! I just can’t commit!” to many women.

    1. 96.1

      Agreed that a 40 year old bachelor is a red flag.

  7. 97

    Having been married is like being vetted a woman knows *somebody* was willing to marry him before, and more importantly, he was willing to try the commitment.
    This begs the question of why the commitment failed if the dude was divorced.
    A 40+-year-old bachelor screams There’s something wrong with me! I just can’t commit! to many women.
    A divorcee screams, “There’s something wrong with me! I just can’t keep commitments.”

    Maybe they would be better off dating widowers.

  8. 98

    @ Michael #97

    Nice try, but with at least 50% of the population divorcing, few women even sniff at the fact that a man was married before. Read some of the dating site forums–most posters there won’t touch a guy who’s over 40 and never been married. Same for women who have been divorced–men prefer that to a “spinster” with the assumed desperation of a ticking clock.

  9. 99
    Karl R

    Cilla said: (#98)
    “Read some of the dating site forums most posters there won’t touch a guy who’s over 40 and never been married.”
    Michael said: (#97)
    “A divorcee screams, ‘There’s something wrong with me! I just can’t keep commitments.’ “

    I wouldn’t consider eliminating a person due to their previous marital status (never married or divorced). But if someone were going to start eliminating based on that, it would be more reasonable for them to eliminate the divorcees.

    50% of all marriages end in divorce.
    70% of all second marriages end in divorce.
    Of first marriages, ones between older partners are less likely to end in divorce than younger partners.
    I couldn’t find any statistics for where it’s one partner’s first marriage and the other’s second.

    On the large scale, it appears that an older person who has never been married is a better choice, if longevity of the marriage is a prime consideration.

    On the individual scale, it will vary greatly, however.

  10. 100


    A widow might be a good candidate, as long as you are certain that she did not whack her husband.

  11. 101

    Karl R, thanks for the stats. Very interesting. What is the source of the 70% statistic? I find that rather hard to believe just based on looking at the couples around me, but a reliable source would be convincing.

    My main point above (in post #94) was that women aren’t in any way damaged for wanting older men, and men over the age of 40 shouldn’t despair about never finding a woman.

  12. 102

    @ #99

    Reasonable isn’t always a criterion when it comes to dating. You can give statistics until the cows come home, but as I’ve said before, dating isn’t a science. Yes, it would make more sense for men to choose women whose record wasn’t “smirched” with a divorce. It would also make more sense for men to choose women who are more likely to date them, but that doesn’t stop them from relentlessly pursuing the 10s. That’s just the way it works.

  13. 103
    Karl R

    Helen asked: (#101)
    “What is the source of the 70% statistic? I find that rather hard to believe just based on looking at the couples around me, but a reliable source would be convincing.”

    I don’t have a reliable source for that number.

    However, I went to the CDC website in search of reliable numbers.

    33% of first marriages end by 10 year mark.
    24% of first marriages end by the 10 year mark when the wife was 25 years old or older at the time of marriage. (The CDC stats don’t make distinctions for ages over 25)

    39% of second marriages survive past the 10 year mark.
    34% of second marriages survive past the 10 year mark when the wife was 25 years old or older at the time of marriage.

    The CDC speaks of “marriage disruptions”, which include separations and divorces, but the overwhelming number of separations end in divorce within a short span of time.

    It appears that the “first” and “second” marriage designation is based only on the woman. The man’s previous marital status was not considered.

    The 50% statistic that everyone “knows” seems to be the chances that a first marriage will end by the 20 year mark. When I extrapolated the second marriage data, it looked like 60% would end by the 20 year mark (and 50% would end by the 15 year mark).

    Michael said: (#102)
    “A widow might be a good candidate”

    In my city and my age range, only less then 2% of the women were widows. The results might be substantially better if you’re dating women over the age of 70.

    Cilla said: (#102)
    “Reasonable isn’t always a criterion when it comes to dating.”

    I’m aware that people have all sorts of unreasonable dating criteria. I love pointing out the unreasonableness of those criteria … which I was doing here.

    If divorcees claim that older singles are “smirched” (as you indicated in #98), I’ll point out the statistics that indicate our marriages are more likely to survive than theirs.

    But as I said earlier, I date women who are single and divorced. I only avoid the separated ones.

  14. 104

    When I was in my 20’s I worked [and lived in very close proximaty] with men of all ages. Thankfully, I had my own private quarters though not much free time. I was very career focused and dating the men was not allowed and I had no problem socializing and dating outside this pool. As far as even “thinking” about dating some of the older guys, the women in their 30’s -60′ made it very clear to me in no uncertain terms that I was never going to be welcomed into dating “their” men. Cameras were everywhere and punishment was immediate banishment. I’m so happy I didn’t disobey “the rules” as I developed lovely friendships with the men and some of the older men looked out for me like I was their daughter and I really appreciate not being hit on when I was trying to focus on learning what I needed so everyone would be safe. I’ve lots of great relationships with the older ladies, too. Some people complain about rules but I could always defer to the rules in times of weak ego strength. I got to learn about the guys and the ladies without the dating jealousy stuff and have some laughs as well as feeling part of a wonderful professional team. I’ve retired from that career and though in some ways I miss it I will always be grateful for the folks that made these experiences possible.

  15. 105

    The comments regarding age gap relationships have some truth to them in that it is the popular point-of-view and certain biological facts revolving around the woman being able to bear biological children effects these issues. However, aside from that…this is an issue of accepted norms/tradition/convention. And there are actually a lot more instances of age gap relationships and marriages than people realize. There are also people who for whatever reason (some may consider it abnormal) prefer or gravitate into relationships with someone who is a lot younger or older.

    Sometimes it could do with looks. Youthful appearance may run in a family or mature appearance may run in a family and these people are mistaken for much younger or older. Youthful appearance runs in mine and so there are many age gap relationships.

    My brother is 12 years older than his wife…he is 55 and she is 43, but frankly you couldn’t tell and in another 10 years, she may even look older than him. He has not one gray hair, a full head of hair, and hardly any wrinkles.

    Ironically, I have a friend who is close to 60 and her husband is only 4 years older, but she looks a good 20 years younger and she has been mistaken for his daughter!!!

    So you really can’t make vast generalizations. There are so many stories out there that would suprise everyone and these are not all that unusual…although they may be apart from the “norm” and obviously not the majority, but definitely age gap relationships are alive and well and will continue.

  16. 106

    Just because the younger person may be healthy now doesn’t mean that they will be healthy tomorrow. My mother died at 48 and I know 62 years olds that are still going strong. An older parter may be older but there’s no guarantee that they will die first either. I understand all of this and still I don’t feel comfortable dating someone 15 years older than me. I am 36 and there’s a 52 year old who keeps asking me out. I’m sorry, but I’m repulsed by the offer. He’s even more immature than the 40 year olds I normally date. Why can’t they stick to their own age group? There’s a lot of lonely 50+ women out there.

  17. 107
    why not

    Why not a much older man? I have always been attracted to that type since I was 16. I’m 28 now. I have very high expectations that only an older man can fulfill. It’s not because they have more money than me. To be honest, I almost always was the more well off in the relationships. I don’t need a man to pay my bills but if I’m asked to pay for every single date, you’re out. I don’t want someone who’s going to take advantage of me financially. I do understand that a marriage would be an unwise choice. But why can’t I just be spending fun time with someone 15-17 years older than me? Does it hurt anybody? Don’t get me wrong, if an older, single (and they better be single or forget about it) guy develops strong feelings for me and I happen to feel the same, I would be willing to commit if he asks me to. (This isn’t likely to happen because even though I may like a man, I fall in love rarely. It has only happened one time in the past.) But if I find myself in love again, I would stick around. I don’t care what people are saying about sexual peak comming and him not being able to perform at that point. I’ll buy a bunch of sex toys if that’s what it takes. Lack of sex would not be a reason for me to leave someone if I truly love them. I find that most older men have a better sense of humor, they act more mature, they have seen a lot in their life and maintaing a conversation with them is a much smoother task than with guys my age. I need to be on the same level of maturity as a man I’m with or it won’t work out. I’m sick of young guys asking me to pull their finger so they can fart and giggle like idiots. It’s not even a bit funny! To me sex is not the only thing that matters, but it helps. Older men are more sexually experienced, which is great because half the time I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.
    And if you’re wondering, I don’t have daddy issues. My dad was there for me when I needed him, and he still is. I may not know what being “treated like a princess” means, but I am in no way shape or form expecting that from a man. All I care about is that I’m treated with respect. I expect a guy to be a gentleman. Male gold diggers, slimy pigs, and stalkers are huge turn offs.

    1. 107.1

      Finally, a positive comment on the issue ,I am 49 and contemplating a relationship, with a 28 years old . The idea of the future cause me great desperation. I hope my future girl think like you.

  18. 108

    I am 35 and my guy is 70. I have no explaination except that I have never felt this way in my entire life. He is my soulmate…yes, older, yes, but he understands me…

  19. 109

    Not men that around 43 or older need to ingest medication to enhance their sex life. You as a coach or trainer desire more research on this subject. I am 59 yaears old and do not drug to get a response to my love muscle. Just looking at your face, you most likely can’t be much more than in your thirties. You know that research for gaining your academics is not the true response to the outcome of studies. I am really disagree with you input and outlook. The baby boomer generations have most likely experienced a healthy sexual encounters without having to take a pill to get a hard on.

  20. 110
    Paul Edelen

    Older men are more capable at everything than your are. They can be physically fit, intelligent, the best lovers, and very kind. Younger men are usually inept, poor lovers, in lousy physical shape, and lacking in basic intelligence. We also have more money and power and know what to do with it.

  21. 111

    I have learned through the most revealing information about this subject. For me it’s called learning from your mistakes that provides a positive experience in a relationship. I am an older gentleman that will bring my special lady from another country. I have learned from the most important resource as to why some ladies enjoy being with an older man. Lets take a look at the various multi-culture in our world. By this I would like for individuals look at their own individual bondries that were insilled by their own culture or maybe this is right and this wrong. I have learned that there is such a great difference in the nurturing process of a relationship between female and males. i believe for the most part, if a man dose not mature in the since of being very perceptive of how women internalized their warmth, love, that results in how they nurture the relationship. How many times that a lady has experience a loss of whatever nature and decided the only to deal with is to numb their feeling. Men are at times more likely to not address a feeling that would require them to internalize the nurturing process of what has just happen to their heart. I can remeber gowing up that big boys don’t cry or express their feelings. Girls were the only one allowed to process their feelings. maybe the picture was nothing more that from the start, males where seen as having to set boundries without acknowlging their ability to nurture the feelings the same as women. OK, enough of my comment. I am looking to fly in my very special Baltic lady in may of 2010. She may be a lot younger but I have yet during my journey met a women in my city that couldn’t indentify with maturity of a older experinced gentleman. Boundries were never met to be barriers. I do think that culture awareness in terms of how we are brought interfere with making a great decision about becoming wise. The only situation that I have a difficulty is not spell chech with this comment.

  22. 112

    PS……I get in too much of a hurry when I start typing…….

  23. 113
    Karl R

    Paul Edelen said: (#110)
    “Older men are more capable at everything […]. They can be physically fit, intelligent, the best lovers, and very kind. Younger men are usually inept, poor lovers, in lousy physical shape, and lacking in basic intelligence. We also have more money and power and know what to do with it.”

    Everything you stated about older men could equally apply to older women. If you (as an older man) believe those traits are valuable in yourself, why wouldn’t you seek them out in a woman?

    And if you’re deliberately seeking relationships with younger women (who lack those traits in the same manner that their male counterparts do), doesn’t that indicate that you value the beauty of youth more than basic intelligence, skill as a lover and kindness?

    1. 113.1

      Ha Ha Ha!

  24. 115

    There is only one kind of beauty that I see in a relationship with a lady. The beauty within her heart makes her appearance. I still believe in the saying, “Never judge a book by its cover”. My lady is very intelligent, skilled, from within her heart and having the formal college education…

  25. 116

    Karl R and Evan: I thought we covered ad infinitum, ad nauseum in another post (“Why don’t men want smart, strong, successful women?”) that men don’t want to marry female versions of themselves. 😀 So if you believe that to be true, then that lets Paul Edelen off the hook.

  26. 117
    Karl R

    Helen said: (#116)
    “I thought we covered […] that men don’t want to marry female versions of themselves.”

    That’s why I didn’t mention Paul Edelen’s comments about money and power. That may even get him off the hook with the intelligence. But I’d really like someone to find a statement in that previous thread that indicates that kindness and skill in bed aren’t important to men.

    Furthermore, he doesn’t sound like he’s making an observation about why younger women want to date older men. He sounds like he’s making a sales pitch as to why younger women should want to date older men.

  27. 118

    I am 28 and my boyfriend is 46. It’s an 18 year difference, but it’s also been the best relationship I’ve ever been in. Why would a young woman be attracted to an older man? I can give plebty of reasons. I’ve been attracted to older men since I can remember. In high school I had crushes on my teachers not the boys my age and in college I was attracted to my older male professors.

    I married young to a guy 2 years older than me. He’s attractive, but then I watch movies with Harrison Ford, Colin Firth, Pierce Brosnan, etc. and I was highly turned on by those men fantasizing what it would be like to be with one of them. My marriage failed after only a few years, and I dated guys in their late 30’s, and one 40 year old. THEN I met my boyfriend. Late 40’s, good looking, nice body, great sense of humor, and STABLE. Oh, and he’s a professor 🙂 It’s not about the money as many people here have written or the fact that he treats me like a princess. I don’t know how much money he actually makes. I do know he is financially stable and that’s all that matters money-wise. But he treats me with respect and we share a lot of interests. Those qualities are what make a relationship work… it has nothing to do with age. I’m more attracted to him than any younger guy or 30 something I’ve dated. I did the party scene in my early 20’s before I had children. By the time I had children I was ready to settle down, quit the drinking and partying and be a Mom. Not many guys under the age of 35 are willing to give up partying. I can’t deal with that after having an alcoholic ex-husband.

    Of course, having interests that you share are important in any relationship. I just happened to find a silver fox who likes what I like, which is a nice quiet life and spending time together instead of at bars. And we both have a wicked silly sense of humor. He has his hobbies and I think they are wonderful. I have mine and likewise he is supportive. His quirks turn me on. We GET each other. I don’t know that I could have found that with a younger guy.

    Yes, it is probably a huge ego boost for him that he is dating a girl 18 years younger and personally I love to give him that ego boost 🙂 He deserves it. He’s laidback and has a great sense of humor on top of being sexy. And yes, older men CAN be sexy (well, I’ve thought so my whole life). And the sex… is awesome. Older men know just how to touch a woman in the right places… no training required.

    So here’s my list as to why I like dating silver foxes:
    1. There are some incredibly sexy older men
    2. Gray hair is HOT (well my bf has blonde hair but I can see some gray)
    3. Stability in life
    4. Experience- they know what they want and what they don’t want
    5. No games. Damn, I hate when guys play games. And every guy under 35 is guilty of playing them.
    6. Great sex
    7. the fact that they adore you because you are actually interested in them. It’s nice to be adored and appreciated.
    8. they’re not clingy. They know you need your space and they need theirs as well.

    A lot of my friends do make fun of me and question why I would date a man so much older. We are all attracted to different people. And there are 20 something women out there that adore older men. I’m not the only one. And maybe it’s genetic. My stepdad is 16 years older than my mom, and they’ve been married 25 years. I’ve only been with my bf for 6 months, but I’d marry the man in a heartbeat. He just DOES it for me. And as he gets older and grayer he’ll continue to do it for me.

  28. 119

    I was the younger woman who married the older man. I was 29 and he was 50 when we married, that was 21 years ago. We met when I was 25 and started out as friends. (and only friends) If I had the answer to why two people fall in love then I would be able to explain our relationship. I didn’t go out with him because he was rich, in fact I was in a better financial place than he was. Nor was I looking for a father, I have one of those that I have a very good relationship with.

    We were friends, we had some of the same interests. He was funny, I’d screw up the punch line but always laugh at his jokes. He was kind and was interested in me. He demonstrated qualities that made me respect him: honesty, responsibility, taking pride in his work, liking small children and dogs. He thought I was beautiful (this is where “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder” comes in, I know I was attractive but I was never the most beautiful girl around). I thought he was ruggedly handsome. We both had good conversational skills, we both could talk about many subjects and we knew how to listen to each other and we didn’t mind learning from one another. (Doesn’t seem to be much of this going on today.)

    I knew him for 22 years and was married for 18, he passed away 2 years ago. I don’t regret a minute of my life with him, for you see I know that I was truly loved and isn’t that the point of this journey. To love and be loved. Was there a price to pay? Absolutely, disapproving remarks, being excluded by both generations, each of us made sacrifices for the other (I never had children and he continued to be involved in our business longer than he would have), I’m alone again and trying to date. Would I go back and do it all over again? Without hesitation. Do I want to date another man that is significantly older? No. Would I recommend it to someone else? I think everyone has to make their own decisions in life and they should just be as informed as possible and understand why they are going down this path. If it isn’t true love it won’t last and the price you pay for this mistake is higher because of the age difference.

    I suppose we never quite know the ulimate cost of things in life, just recently I have come to understand that being a widow is a detriment to me in the dating world. It seems many men don’t know how to deal with this status. I find it ironic that men would prefer a divorced woman (if her actions caused the divorce why would you want her and if he left her she’s probably angry and has trust issues) over a widow that just might have gotten it right and figured out how to build a good relationship and at the very least has proven she gets the commitment portion (that’s what “til death do us part” means).

    Anyway, it’s dating it doesn’t always make sense.

  29. 120

    I was 17 , only just 17 and I dated a man 13 years my senior.
    It was chemistry like never before. Not so much physical. Whether this sounds conceited or not the fact is I am a very attractive woman and although his appearance grew on me a great deal at first I did not find him physically attractive. Obese , glasses , facial hair and far from a clean cut style .
    He didn’t know how old I was when we were introduced at a “party” of 5 in his recording studio. I’ve looked the same since I was 15 and usually get 22 as a guess from the time I was 15 onwards. I told him that same night how old I was and he said infront of the guests , if I were younger we would be soul mates.
    That was Saturday , by Monday we were both smitten. I don’t know what it was because it isn’t there anymore but it certainly wasn’t his status or material gifts.
    In fact , I was the one always committed and attentive , the one who paid my own way even when I really couldn’t afford it . Even the gift giver.
    He wasn’t a pervert into young girls. He broke it off until I turned 18 the end of that year.
    I will admit , I have a lot of girlfriends who are more than happy to take if it is offered . But I have every material possession I could need though I’m not in anyway fully financially secure and there is NOTHING I could want bad enough to not have earned it myself . A genuine gift from a mutually loved one is different . But there are few people I would accept such things from.
    I avoid at all costs feeling obligated towards anyone whom I don’t care to be .
    Our story is perhaps unusual but it does happen. We are no longer together but I gained from the experience.

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