Why Would a Younger Woman Want to Date a Much Older Man?

Okay, Evan, I agree mostly with your opinion on younger men/older women. What do you say about the reverse? I mean, I can see why an older man would want to date a younger woman – physically that is, but why would a 28-year-old woman want to date a man 45 or more?


Dear Penelope,

Beats the shit out of me.

I can totally understand why older men go for younger women. There’s no denying that they’re, for the most part, in better shape, with better skin, and less baggage from broken relationships. Time creates wisdom – but it also creates responsibilities and complications – mortgage, kids, career, etc. All of this makes dating more and more complex as we get older. It’s a lot easier for a man to take out a carefree, responsibility free, baggage free, wrinkle free 28-year-old, which is why so many men try to go in that direction. I’m not condoning this. I’m OBSERVING that it happens.

Still, most of them fail miserably, for the exact same reasons that I think Penelope is suggesting. Men want much younger women, but rarely do much younger women want older men. Put another way, if a woman has an array of other quality options closer to her age range, what incentives would she have to date a man who is SEVENTEEN YEARS OLDER?

She doesn’t NEED a guy who’s 45. She can find that same amazing guy at age 30. Or 35. Or 40.

Not many, I’m thinking.

Before any 40+ people get all hot and bothered about this – I am not judging. There is nothing wrong with aging. I do think people improve with age (my wife is nodding). But let’s not pretend that we, as a culture, don’t worship at the altar of youth. If you’re over the age of 40 and have ever said, “But I’m told I look five years younger than my age”, then you’re not immune to it yourself. But see, for men who covet younger women, it’s not whether you look good for your age – it’s what age you really are.

Because it’s competitive out there for all of us. People have choices. And nobody has more choices than a 28-year-old woman. If she wants to date a guy who is 6’2”, makes $400,000+, likes skiing, is within ten miles of her house and five years of her age, you know what? She could probably find him. All she has to do is go on Match.com, and wade through a few thousand applicants. The point is, she doesn’t NEED a guy who’s 45. She can find that same amazing guy at age 30. Or 35. Or 40. She doesn’t need a guy who will be taking Viagra when she’s sexually peaking at 43.

Don’t get me wrong, there are advantages in a 45-year-old guy. He’s probably a man. He’s got the job and the home and the car, and been divorced with a kid already. So if a woman finds it more appealing to just step into that world – to jump from the prolonged adolescence of the late 20’s into full-fledged settled-down womanhood – that could make sense.

Most of them are completely creeped out at the prospect of dating a guy who was alive when JFK was alive.

There are many other things that are attractive about older men. They embody wisdom and stability. They can afford nicer restaurants and vacations and have cultivated greater tastes in the arts. They’re more experienced, more chivalrous, and more likely to want to settle down than a twentysomething party boy.

And yet, they probably resemble Penelope’s dad more than they resemble her brother….

This is the most compelling reason behind why younger women might go for older men: they’re daddy substitutes. An older man’s going to be the strong, nurturing guy who takes care of her, teaches her, and treats her like a princess – the kind of relationship that she probably lacked growing up.

Hey, I’m no psychologist – just your friendly, neighborhood dating coach. But I do know women, and lots of women in their 20’s. And the truth is that most of them are completely creeped out at the prospect of dating a guy who was alive when JFK was alive. These women were born in the EIGHTIES. They grew up with computers. They’re contemporaries with Britney Spears. Whether we like it or not, there is nearly a full generation gap between 28 and 45. A few women may bridge this gap for lust or money or dimestore psychological reasons, but most of the 28-year-old women I know would prefer to date a great, stable 30-40 year-old – who also knows what Snapchat is.

Okay, older men – tell me why I’m wrong. But don’t forget, you and your younger girlfriends are the EXCEPTION. I’m writing about the RULE.

By the way, my girlfriend wants it on record that she would totally sleep with Harrison Ford if he should be reading this. So as a gift to both of them: Sure, why not? Happy 66th, Indy!

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  1. 151

    @ Cosmo 131.  Why do women of a certain age who are focussed on younger men become so insulting about older men doing the same with younger women?  I am a Paedophile if I date a 45 year old?  It doesn’t mean much for an older woman to bag a younger man.  Women control sex.  A man has to prove something to a woman to get sex.  A woman just allows a man access.  Allowing one of the 80% of younger men ignored by women their own age into your bed is not a huge achievement.

    My long estranged wife is six years older than me.  Age was never an issue between us, although I now wonder why she didn’t marry someone older and more established. (After a shaky start, I was way ahead of the career curve but even so …). My girlfriend is 24 years younger than me.  I met my girlfriend six years ago.  She was an estate agent/realtor who found me flats to rent in the Russian city where I have my business.   We became friends and I started to stay with her, sleeping on the divan while we both sought more “age appropriate” people.  One day over breakfast we just looked at each other and realised that we could stop seeking.

    Shortly afterwards we were in a elegant coffee shop (they all are in Russia.  Starbucks they are not) talking and looking very intently at each others eyes, I guess for 20 minutes.  I finally broke off to get another cup of coffee and noticed how quiet the coffee shop was around us.  I talk Russian but loudly in a severe accent; I attract attention so I think did the disparity of our ages.  On the one table next to us were 5 ladies in their mid to late 40’s who had mostly given up on fashion.  On the other table were 3 late 20’s high maintenance young women with the obligatory 75 cm heels.  The eyes of the late 40’s women were firing laser beams to kill me.  Ideas about despoiler of young Russian virgins, deceitful abuser of mail order brides et al could have fitted their facial expressions.  I felt all the Russian TV stereotypes about the motives of Westerners heading at me.  The 3 younger women were gazing in what appeared to be admiration at my girlfriend as if she had won the lottery.  Quite the opposite set of stereotypes.  So in line with the thread, there are plenty of younger women who do find a minority of much older men attractive.  Status I think.  Actually, compared to my youth, I find I need do no more than point to a younger woman and there is a conversation taking place instead of the disdainful sneer that I would have received at 25.  I think the man has to be fit and healthy.  He should be seen as successful in some way.  Average older men have had a long time to prove themselves.  If they have not achieved recognizable success they are dead meat.  Most young men start with low status and build it up, jocks and creatives apart (girlfriend’s little sister dates a penniless lead singer in a Death Metal band).  I guess that men of average status are probably at top desirability around 30-40.  Even so, women probably only consider the top 25% of these men as desirable.  The older men get, the smaller the proportion who are desirable but the ones who remain desirable become very desirable as they have proved themselves over decades.  This is good genetic material.  Let’s have your sons!  Young men have unproven potential or perhaps good bodies.

    My girlfriend saw my needs as a visitor to her city and set up a business offering flats on short (by the day) rental.  Being a tough Russian, she got started by moving into a hostel with her child and letting her own flat to build up a clientele to prove to the bank it was worth lending her the money.  She now owns at least 6 properties and is fast closing the wealth gap with me (at least for a few more months until my big deal matures).  I didn’t help her. She doesn’t speak English and has no wish to leave Russia but would like to send her son to boarding school in the UK.  So neither money nor a visa is driving her attraction for me.  She is tall, a clever lawyer and richer than 95% of the men in the city.  These are all disadvantages for a woman so her choices are limited.  I am taller, cleverer (without false modesty) and might again become richer.  Does this compensate for 24 years?  Before we clicked we had already noticed an almost total overlap of shared interests and ideas ranging from ideas of women’s fashion to Sci Fi movies.  We do household management together as if by instinct.  When we quarrel we both let go completely, express ourselves and 5 minutes later we are good friends.  You can see the relief in her eyes about expressing herself.  My wife always avoided any form of confrontation.  I found it a cold death many times over.  A quarrel is a great tool to keep a relationship good.  Both learning assertiveness might be even better.  Maybe these things about living together aren’t trivial?

    I am not hostile to approaches from Evan’s clients of a certain age (I don’t mean Balzac age).   My route hasn’t taken me there and the examples I’ve encountered have put up more barriers than offers.  (Like slapping me and leaving me at the airport without explanation with two tickets to California in my pocket.  That woman was 11 years younger than me.  Hardly worth noticing at 43 and 54).

    G/f does new hair colour every 6 weeks, killer heels, micro-skirts in the latest colours and style.  She’s definitely just a trophy.  (OK she’s not just a trophy but I’m not knocking the trophy bit.  I feel two inches taller when we both have our kit on.  I have to – those heels).  I’m here gathering insights on age difference relationships to decide about marriage, moving to Russia and setting up business together (real estate isn’t exactly hard stressful work.).  I think that I would be just as happy with a clever 58 year old in good trim who was not counting the days to retirement.  So why make it so hard for men to approach?  Why offer so little?  Who is buying and who is selling changes after 35.

    Sorry Evan for such a long flame.  It’s why I am here.  I hope it’s a contribution. Even my g/f sees no tall, rich, fit and healthy, baggage free but not an eternal batchelor 40 year old.  My closest real competitor was a decent, tall (as in stringy), computer programmer (steady unexciting job), never married without many outside interests, of 38 desperate to take up rock music, art or whatever she wanted from him.  I couldn’t see anything wrong with him.  He will be a great Dad if he gets the chance.  Told her several times.  I suspect that a lot of your clients know him.  She told me about her Art teacher, 61, a lonely widow, several times too.  Nothing wrong with her either.  Flame off.

  2. 152

    I don’t think my girlfriend are “In love”, as I was with California air tickets.  i think that we are in mutual awe of each other.  I am as much a trophy to validate her as she is to validate me.  That’s not bad.  The future’s about building processes to solve problems together not preserving one moment in time forever.

  3. 153

    Anybody with an negative opinion is just jealous because they don’t have that type of loving relationship…

  4. 154
    Dave P. Jones

    You ignore some basic facts — There is a young girl or more for every older guy who has 1/2 a brain.  Why?
    1. Many men wash out, or are in prison before age 21.  A total of 2.3million in prison at last count!  and how many devoid of any intellect is probably ten times that number!
    2. Boys/men are being short changed in our public education system, with male achievement rates falling like a rock due to having all education geared to females  (its a fact, educate yourself if you are ignorant of this)
    3. Prevalence and acceptance of single parent families (single mothers) raise female children who are looking for a father figure for the rest of their adult lives!
    4, 5, and 6.  Women are looking for “MATERIAL” and  a thus husband/partner that can support a family.  OLDER men have had more time to accumulate WEALTH!   In modern economic times one income does not cut it!   Women have evolved to be MATERIALISTIC, in order to raise children,  that is a fact!

  5. 155

    Dave wrote without thinking obviously: 2. Boys/men are being short changed in our public education system, with male achievement rates falling like a rock due to having all education geared to females  (its a fact, educate yourself if you are ignorant of this).

    That’s utter BS.

    Male achievement is falling due to the prevailing culture which emphasizes having fun over preparing for the future. A culture which emphasizes facts in a vacuum, not 1. knowledge, 2. the ability to analyze correctly, 3. wisdom. A culture pretty antithetical to ideas and intellectualism when you get right down to it.

    Despite outward appearances, comfort and conveniences, the endless “bread and circuses” of our culture, it’s never been harder to secure some sort of decent financial future imo. Parents of said boys need to wake up imo. NOT blame educational policies that focus on getting girls to open up more in class.

    If you are so concerned about it, push for single sex education (a separation of boys and girls in primary and secondary schools). A VERY good case can be argued for it although when a teen I dated some Citadel cadets and let me tell you I found guys that went to all-male colleges a bit strange back then as they seemed to suffer in a variety of ways from the quotidian proximity of women imo.

  6. 156

    meant to say:

    ” from the LACK of a quotidian proximity to women imo”

    Peter #150- your treatise was fascinating, but the amount of fact checking that would be involved makes my head spin. 🙂

    PS re age differences there are two things to consider: true soul connections conform to no age restrictions, but worldly, practical considerations are important. My first cousin recently lost her ten-years older husband to cancer so must now face late middle age alone- for probably another 10-20 years! (she is 70 but all the women in my family live to 90 or so or more routinely). That would give me pause. Also more and more studies point to flawed sperm as men age which ups the risk of autism and other ailments and disorders. But there is NO black or white answer or solution to this…

  7. 157

    Whenever someone starts equating societal problems with the prevalence and acceptance of single parent households, typically, singlem mothers; I ALWAYS wonder who they think causes this issue?  I know someone women choose to be a single mom from the get go.  But a lot of single moms are single because the dad walked away and hasn’t looked back.  And yet it is those pesky single moms – the ones who are doing the work of two people in both working to provide and manage a household, the ones doing their best to balance wiping tears and make that deadline, that we think are the problem.  Single parents, male and female, have it pretty tough – no need to dump more on them.

  8. 158

    The author’s matter-of-fact tone notwithstanding, the disparity between his views on the obverse issues of older-women/younger men and older men/younger women suggests that his fundamental intent to is reassure his target audience of older – rather than to actually tell those women the truth.

    Well, here is the truth, which everyone has known for years: women have the advantage over men when they are young. When they get old, they lose that advantage forever.

  9. 159

    I am 27 and fell head over heels for a 54 year old man. He’s no longer in my life, but he was the greatest man I’ve ever known. I now know what it feels like to have found “the one”. Too bad I found that out after I lost him.

  10. 160

    When did old men start being better in bed!!! LOl maybe better at sleeping in bed

  11. 161

    65 is old, 70 is old! When did 45 become old? Did I miss something here? I stiil have to work another 20yrs before I could think of retirement! Society teaches us that younger is better. Really? I look better than most guys in there thirties.  In my case I’ve always dated women much younger than me. I don’t go looking for it, they just seem to be attracted to me. I never lie about my age, I’ve never met a woman that had an issue with it. I’ve read most of the comments here and I don’t understand why people in there early 20’s make seem like over 40 is a bad choice.
    Let’s do the math, if you’re really looking for a relationship let’s say your 25-28 which would you rather have.
    1.-15yrs with multiple guys your age and have nothing to show for except maybe sex. Because at 25-35 very few guys want to settle down. Now 15 years has gone by and you’re now 40+ guess what? The guys at your age are looking for someone younger, let say 30-35 now what?
    2.-If you dated older (keyword OLDER not old) man, he’s more likely to offer you the attention, conversation, intelligence, commitment and security you’re looking for anyway.
    Don’t get me worry some older guys do look terrible for there age but too say it’s just not possible or wrong is a unfair statement.  If you really love someone who cares. 
    As far as sex is concern, my sex drive is the same as when I was much younger. Every younger women I’ve been with tells me I can out last any younger guy she’s been with. I recently met a 22yr woman, she has fallen in love with me, she has no father role insecurities but just the fact that I treat her like a woman. I made it my business to explain our age differences but to her age has nothing to do with love. 
    Everyone gets old, that being said, it’s no reason for society to treat older people as though they’re useless. My uncle is 82 his wife is in for 40’s and let me tell you this man looks amazing. Providing your in good health to do exercise you should no problems maintaining an active life style until you’re in your mid 60’s.
    P.S. I’ve dated women my age, let me tell you in one word…..Boring!

  12. 162
    Brooke Norton

    Hey Evan,

    I’m still trying to figure out why a female in her 20’s would pop in 600ccs of fake boob, pose nude for playboy, and then hang out in the grotto with Heff! Seriously, is there a point to having the body that most men consider perfection and then using it to attract a man in his mid eighties? If you answered yes, then you’ve answered your own question about women dating older men. As a single female in my late thirties, I’ve seen many of my female friends cash in their single status for a “stable” relationship. Yes, they go for a man with stability, which is a polite way of suggesting that many women pair up with men who have money. We all know there is no such thing as a stable relationship at any age. I’m being a bit cynical, but all relationships take major work on the part of both parties, assuming there are only two people in any such relationship, but I digress…Yes, our society has changed: women have more opportunities, we don’t all want a marriage or children, and we are no longer relegated to these options. Having said that, many women feel their youth is circling the drain around age thirty, and therefore, they are more than willing to settle and marry the highest bidder: and this simply means, that in practice, money matters far more than age. You may think this notion is archaic, and I happen to agree with you. Still, I’m only being real.

  13. 163
    Brooke Norton

    …and in response to Zippy: by the time I’ve lost my advantage forever, you’ll be combing the last 3 hairs over your head and crushing up Viagra, snorting it like cocaine, and looking about as hot as Donald Trump (minus the money). By the time I’ve lost my female advantage forever, your bedtime companions will no doubt call the county coroner every time you have a hard-on, as they’ll no doubt mistake your erection for rigor mortis. Peace Zippy!

  14. 164

    I am married to a 93 year old man, who is charming and understanding and very wise and alert; I married him because he was the only one who understood what I was dealing at that time and he opened up his heart and his pocket book to me when I needed it: although we are going through a divorce now, I know it is not because of what he wanted but the pressure he had received from his grown kids that’s 69 & 70 years of age; he has had a problem with standing up to them, and has now decided to choose his family over me; this was a short lived marriage of 2 months, however we were boyfriend and girlfriend for 8 months before we married, and I will always love him no matter what, we had more in common then any man I have ever known, and my age is 46 years old; I just wanted to give back what he gave to me which was love and understanding; I hope he lives another 10 years or more…he is very healthy with no health problems and he takes no medication, gets around super, still drives, etc. we could never get past the judgement of our age and color, he’s white and I am black; that’s sad.

  15. 165

    What about when older means 10yrs but ones 20 & ones 30? The Reasons change a 20 yr old male is a boy a 30 yr old male is a man, blah blah

  16. 166

    OKAY ALL I WANT TO SAY IS I AM A 28 YEAR OLD FEMALE…AND I HAVE A 28 YEAR OLD BOYFRIEND. i AM 28 AND I GO FOR A 28 YEAR OLD! Sorry i just want to grow old together and experience life together with someone with out kids or baggage….we are the same age and he asked me to marry him, and the date is set for next year when we are both 29!

    Why cant it be simple like this…why do some men or women make life harder on them selfs….me and my partner plan on having healthy children together and raising them, retiring and growing old together…at my church i see couples married for 50 years – cause the are the same age give or take a little, but it happens alot, why can’t people have morals and values…you men had your chance when you were 35…its over now, just likes over for women your fertility years drop too, i think older men are gross – i was born in the 80s not the dam 40s or 50s or 60s!

    I am happy with my love life….and so is my parnter we are equal in our relationship…we met in college, just like prince william did kate! (oh yea same age shes just 6 months older) no biggy

  17. 167
    Karl R

    ASD said: (#166)
    “we are the same age and he asked me to marry him,”
    “Why cant it be simple like this…”
    “we are equal in our relationship…we met in college,”

    It is simple … if you’re in college, surrounded by hundreds (or thousands) of men/women within a year of your age.

    Once you leave college, it becomes very difficult. How many of your coworkers are that close to your age, and single, and good potential partners for you, and whom consider you to be a good potential partner. (And that’s assuming that you’ll date where you work … which can be highly problematic if you try.)

    Repeat that process for your church, your gym, etc. You no longer know hundreds of people your age. You might know a few dozen. Maybe a handful seem like good prospects. After you’ve dated those few people (and it didn’t work out), what would you recommend trying next?

    One easy way to broaden your dating pool is to expand the age range you’re willing to date.

    ASD said: (#166)
    “why can’t people have morals and values…”

    This is about practicality, not morality.

    And please explain to me how it’s immoral for me to have a fiancée who is significantly older than me.

  18. 168

    I’m 43 and I just called it quits with a 26 year old woman after a few dates. Why? It wasn’t for lack of attraction. There was MAJOR attraction. It was for MORAL reasons. On date #3 she mentioned in passing that she would like to get married and have a family some day. (She wasn’t a freak about it. She was just being honest.) Well, I’m 43 and divorced (no kids) and I DO NOT plan on getting married and having kids at this point. Hence . . . it’s not right for me to carry on with her.

    This woman is not a ‘notch on the belt’ kind of girl. She’s a KEEPER. She is super nice, super nurturing (you can tell these things as you get older 😉 and super attractive. Knowing that we have very different plans about life, it would not be right for be to become involved with her. And even if SHE doesn’t know this or understand this, I DO. I have more experience with relationships and life in general. That puts the onus on me. Therefore, it’s up to me to make the right decision.

    I look at it this way: if she were to take me for a joyride and dump me, I’d get over it. I’ve been through way worse. This isn’t my first time at the rodeo. My ex-wife is a jerk, my last girlfriend belongs on a ward, and there were some other doozies along the way. (There were a lot of good ones too.) Unless she were to give me a disease or get pregnant, I have enough emotional scar tissue to deal with getting dumped and would probably get over it quickly. BUT there is WAY more chance of damage on her end. Why do I believe this? I don’t know. I just have a gut feeling.

    I don’t know if anything I’m saying is accurate. But the fact that I believe it is enough for me. This is a really nice woman, and I’m just not the guy to give her what she wants. Hell, she doesn’t even KNOW that she wants what she wants!! But I CAN SEE IT. it’s written all over her.

    I think it was very important for me to break this off before sex. Sex leads to attachment. I learned long ago that there really is no such thing as ‘casual sex.’ One person always cares more and gets hurt, or both people wind up in a relationship that they really shouldn’t be in. Sex is the PRIMARY way that adult human beings form attachments. It’s EVOLUTION. Barring sociopathy, it’s the way we’re built. SEX CHANGES EVERYTHING. Don’t kid yourselves that it doesn’t. If I were to have a sexual relationship with this woman, a ‘relationship’ would develop. And like I said, she’s not the kind of girl you have on the side. She’s major RELATIONSHIP material. A relationship with me would probably do her far more harm than good. If anything, I’d be more valuable to her as a friend.

    I will add that I don’t generally pursue younger women. I knew this particular woman before I asked her out. But I find myself walking away from much younger woman scenarios more frequently than not. Without being immodest or arrogant (really), I’m a very attractive guy. I’m 5’/11′, blue eyes, dark complexioned, ‘salt and pepper’ hair, in VERY good shape (not just for my age), I’m extremely polite, well read, articulate, and treat women as equals. I have a very good job and I’m also a musician in a fairly popular band that plays overseas occasionally to big crowds. So there is NO shortage of younger women in my situation. Plus I have a lot of tattoos, I’m pretty fashionable (call it a weakness) and I don’t act like an old fart and probably know more about contemporary music and art and technology than any 20 year old. Basically, I have a ‘Bad Boy’ look but I’m not really a Bad Boy . . . and that REALLY attracts a lot of women. But I find myself not able to take the much-younger-woman route. It just doesn’t sit right with me. I have friends with daughters their age!! So . . . this was an a-typical experience for me. But it was a good experience nonetheless. I learned a lot about myself because of it. What I learned mostly is that doing the right thing can be a lonely business . . . but the right thing is the right thing. Call me old-school . . .

    I will say though . . . I would have MURDERED someone to be with a woman like this when I was in my 20’s. But I was a moron back then, so I probably would have screwed it up 😉

  19. 169

    “An older man’s going to be the strong, nurturing guy who takes care of her, teaches her, and treats her like a princess – the kind of relationship that she probably lacked growing up.”

    Or exactly the kind of relationship she had growing up, and wants to recapture as an adult. Turns out that an older man may not want to take on that role.

  20. 170

    I’m a 26 year old and almost all the guys I am interested in are about 40-45. I need an intellectual match, and most 26-30 year old guys aren’t ready to give me that. I like the idea of marrying someone that isn’t going to be going off cheating on me in ten years. Do you know many older guys with hot, young wives that leave them? Nope. Case closed. Marry older, ladies. Get yourself a guy that’s rich and stable.

  21. 171

    NJNYHC, you sound a lot like Gerard Butler.

  22. 172

    njnyhc…This woman is not a ‘notch on the belt’ kind of girl. She’s a KEEPER. She is super nice, super nurturing (you can tell these things as you get older and super attractive. Knowing that we have very different plans about life, it would not be right for be to become involved with her……………:I think it was very important for me to break this off before sex. Sex leads to attachment. I learned long ago that there really is no such thing as ‘casual sex.’ One person always cares more and gets hurt, or both people wind up in a relationship that they really shouldn’t be in. Sex is the PRIMARY way that adult human beings form attachments. It’s EVOLUTION. Barring sociopathy, it’s the way we’re built. SEX CHANGES EVERYTHING. Don’t kid yourselves that it doesn’t. If I were to have a sexual relationship with this woman, a ‘relationship’ would develop. And like I said, she’s not the kind of girl you have on the side. She’s major RELATIONSHIP material. A relationship with me would probably do her far more harm than good. If anything, I’d be more valuable to her as a friend.

  23. 173

    Okay, I am a 21 year old female, and I am attracted to men in their 40’s/ early 50’s. There is something about the way they carry themselves, the way they wear their suit swith brightly coloured socks which do not match. I like tracking their faces with my eyes as I imagine all their years of experience. I think they radiate wisdom and status. I am reserving myself for my 45 year old supervisor at university, despite the age difference and his wedding ring. A girl can have a fantasy. Anyway, I think the sex would be perfect, they could dominate me. I guess my reply, sounds like lust. I have had relationships with men in their mid and late 20’s, but it doesn’t feel right. He has to be in a position of status, e.g. a doctor or a professor of science, and have a sexually personality. *Sigh*

  24. 174

    When I tried online dating, I noticed that men in their 50s often would only consider dating women much younger than themselves, but would not consider dating women their same age or a few years older. I felt that was pretty sexist double standard, and it turned me off. When men in their 50s emailed me (I was in my late 30s), I would politely remind them that there are plenty of attractive women in their own age group and that they should consider dating them.

    Eventually, I gave up on online dating and decided to try to meet someone in real life. I met a man who I knew was older, but I didn’t know how much older until I looked at his Facebook page. As fate would have it, he turned out to be in his 50s! Despite a 15 1/2-year age difference, I dated him and we found we have the same interests and tastes in almost everything. We have fun, never tire of each other’s company, we are highly compatible, and we deeply understand each other. This is the most emotionally healthy relationship I’ve ever had and I’ve become a better person because of it. We have been together 2 years and plan to get married.

    I do worry how the age difference will impact our relationship when I am his age (57) and he is 72 1/2. I worry that he will die and I will be widowed for years. On the other hand, there are no guarantees that there will be a tomorrow for any of us.

  25. 175

    Honestly, I dated a much much older guy because I was lonely. I’m 23 and I was tired of dating young guys who played mind games. So, when my 69 year old co worker asked me out to lunch, I said yes.

    We have been talking for a while now. We are really good friends. I’ve met his three daughters from his previous marriage (who are older than me) and some times he sends me videos of his grandchildren. We enjoy each other’s company.

    But, lately he’s been making references to us dating and I just can’t bring myself to do it. I told him that our age difference is just too wide. He doesn’t seem to think so. He thinks we should just start dating see where it leads.

    I dont know what to do because he is always so sweet to me and is a really good friend that I don’t want to lose.

  26. 176

    Problem with most women when they’re older…40+ is that they’re no longer feminine. They’re are definitely battle hardened. They’re basically “little angry men with vaginas.” Physically they start to look like men, and their outlook on life is caustic and negative.
    All of their young lives they’ve wanted to have the knowledge that men have, and when they’ve obtained it in their older years they’re not capable of carrying it with balance…they fall into the “dark side,” and don’t know how in the hell to get out and be human and loving like in their younger years.
    Just my humble opinion.

  27. 177
    Karl R

    lilabee said: (#173)
    “lately he’s been making references to us dating and I just can’t bring myself to do it.”
    “I dont know what to do because he is always so sweet to me and is a really good friend that I don’t want to lose.”

    I’ve maintained friendships with some women post-dating. These are the factors that will improve/reduce your chance of remaining friends after you stop dating:

    The seriousness of the relationship
    The more serious the relationship, the more intimate the relationship, the more people’s emotions are involved, the less likely that there will be a friendship afterward, at least in the short term. A breakup from a serious relationship hurts, and people need some distance in order to heal.

    It sounds like you don’t have a serious relationship … yet. If you want to keep him as a friend, don’t continue to “date” him.

    If you were friends before romance entered the picture, then you’re more likely to remain friends. On the other hand, if he befriended you solely because he wanted to date you, he is unlikely to maintain the pretense of being your friend.

    Ego involvement
    Some people take rejection personally. Others take it as a normal part of the dating process. You can’t influence a person’s general tendencies. You can, however, make your decision about you, not him. In your case, this is simple. You can tell him that you want to date men who are close to your age. That choice is driven by what you want.

    Given what you’ve said, dating this man sounds like a lousy choice for you. I’d recommend not dating him, and take the chance that you’ll lose him as a friend.

    Joe, (#176)
    Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but yours is wrong.

    Furthermore, if you think that women who are 40+ start to look like men, you might consider scheduling an appointment with your optometrist.

  28. 178

    I have a wife who is 35, Asian and I am 65, she is lovely, a nurse, educated and we have one child I adopted him at 5, he is now 12, we are happy, we avoid American woman who stare, are jealous and rightly so, they look like fat cows at 50, gravity has set in, and they are big mouth for the most part.  Asian woman are lovely, respectful , submissive, and sexy, great mothers. I was married for 28 years and very successful, but ex never content, always want more, keep up with the Jones, and complain, do not marry american, marry a younger woman, and if your good looking at 50, suggest you trade up, kids leave and your left looking at a bag.

  29. 179

    Most of today’s men in their 20s are boys.  They lack ambition, maturity, grace, etc.  Not all of them, but a heck of a lot of them.  The fact is that instead of turning boys into men the likes of MTV helped turn boys into morons – and there’s little evidence time will help change this.  And divorce rates among women dating older men are no worse or better than women who date men their own age.  Dating older men isn’t for all young women but for the many who have tried it it is sooo much better than dating 20 somethings.

  30. 180

    I have found that most women that are the same/close in age (53) as me have daddy and/or money issues. For the most part that doesn’t change as women grow older. People should understand that what’s happening in America is really a social experiment and people are being programmed by a dysfuctional Hollywood view on relationships. Younger woman with older guys is very common internationally and even in the bible. Most Women lose their sex drive around 50 (menapause) whereas men keep going on until 70. Women tend to lose their looks much faster than men due to having children. Men are not as concerned about their looks, when women lose their looks they become miserable. Most guys that want sex with younger women are in it for only the sex. How much immaturity do think a mature guy will put up with? Women will always be attracted to money and power, it’s their nature. Guys will always be attracted to beauty. The harder it is to get, the more desirable. Nature is in the driver’s seat.

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