Why Wouldn’t a Man Call Me if We Had a Great Weekend Together?

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I met a nice guy recently online. We are both out of state and decided to meet. We spent a great weekend together and emailed each other after the weekend. He confirmed that he had a great weekend and wanted to visit me. He also mentioned that he wasn’t sure what the future will hold as it would be good to continue to get to know each other. But here’s the thing: he actually has not called since; just emailed. I’m not sure what to think. He’s often busy, but could he be that busy not to call to check in, or maybe the weekend was not that good and he was just being polite in saying he had a great weekend.

Marcie

Dear Marcie,

Hate to break it to you, but…

You’re the out of town girl.

You’re the woman who is out of sight and out of mind.

You’re the person he doesn’t have to call every day because you’re not close enough to be his girlfriend.

You’re the person he doesn’t have to call every day because you’re not close enough to be his girlfriend.

In other words, you’re the perfect woman.

Once again, I speak from experience.

Years before I became a dating coach, when I was working in customer care at JDate (yes, I come from humble origins), I started flirting with a girl who called up to ask some technical question. She was in New York, I was in Los Angeles. We emailed back and forth a few times. We sent a few photos back and forth. We started talking on the phone regularly. Next came phone sex. Next thing you know, she’s flying out to see me.

We had a whirlwind weekend. Beach walks in Venice, shopping on Melrose, long drives on Mulholland, romantic restaurants in Hollywood. It was like a vacation romance. Lots of chemistry, nothing at stake, two young people who can’t keep their hands off each other for 48 hours.

When she got back home, she wanted to continue to talk every day. …

I wanted to downshift into emailing once a week. She could resume her love life in New York, I’d go back to my failed dates in LA, life would go on as before. Where she saw a future with me, I saw a vacation romance. It was short, sweet, finite and completely unrealistic. Just because you have chemistry with someone doesn’t mean you want to fly back and forth cross-country for her.

And so, Marcie, you have your weekend, you have your memories, but you don’t have the guy. Don’t take it personally. Trust that the man that you’ll marry is the one who will call you every day and will always go out of his way to see you again.

It’s not that you did anything wrong or that he did anything wrong. It’s simply that you assigned more meaning to your weekend than he did.

Trust that the man that you’ll marry is the one who will call you every day and will always go out of his way to see you again.

Better to move on than to worry about how to fix this individual situation.

This is the very concept behind my eBook, Why He Disappeared, which helps you understand what’s really going through the minds of men when they’re dating you.

Click here to learn more:

www.evanmarckatz.com/products/why-he-disappeared.html

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Comments:

  1. 41
    Sam

    Dear Evan,
    I’m a Brit chic living in Hong Kong and I just wanted to say that you ROCK. I devoured your 133-page ebook in 3 hours!!! I know you are ‘just’ a human but you are also extremely insightful. Your daily emails are bang on, and have given me hope and positivity. I too have my flirtations overseas and this post about out-of-state man is another gem. Thank you, for being human and writing about it.   

  2. 42
    Karen

    I’ve had the same experience. It’s been very painful to say the least especially after filing for divorce and thinking that after 30 years this person wanted to “rescue” me. I’m not sure if I want him back or not or just let it roll!

  3. 43
    mark

    yes, i come from humble origin…. hahaha

  4. 44
    Michelle

    Great reply, Evan! I totally agree that it does not make you a “bad guy” just because you did not wish to take things further with a girl after a whirlwind weekend and romantic dates.

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