Would You Pass Up You?

cute couple at the beach

Let’s face it: we’re hypocrites. We’re not necessarily evil, but we have a remarkable capacity to compartmentalize our thinking. It’s what allows some of us, as liberals, to look for extra tax deductions when we know the government needs more money. It’s what allows us to post scathing commentary about strangers online without considering what it would feel like to be the recipient of such commentary. Basically, hypocrisy is what allows us to get out of bed every day – as it’s easier to focus on others’ flaws than it is to focus on our own.

Nowhere is this more apparent than the dating arena.

I meet single people every day who talk about their refusal to settle – without realizing that someone, in some capacity, has to settle on them.

For years, I coasted on the fact that I was   kind, intelligent, funny and ambitious. Focusing solely on my good traits – and sweeping my bad traits under the rug – allowed me to dissect each and every woman who crossed my path. I could pass her up because she’s a workaholic, because she’s a few years older, because she’s got a few extra pounds, because she’s sarcastic. Yet I rarely put any time into thinking how she put up with a guy who is moody, neurotic, high-maintenance, and somewhat negative.

This realization – this tearing down of ego – was the big step that opened me up to my relationship with my wife. I started to appreciate the idea that, despite my good qualities, there was a whole lot of forgiving one had to do to be my partner.

And I would intimate that if you consider what someone else is sacrificing to be with you – whether you’re asking them to concede on height, weight, age, income, health, temperament, personality, etc – you will be a lot more forgiving of others in the future.

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  1. 21

    Wow, perfect timing… I’m starting to reconsider a boy who has a crush on me, the whole time thinking “he likes me even with the extra weight”… and “I haven’t opened up to him at all and he keeps showing interest” So what am I waiting for?!
    .-= Kirsten’s last blog ….Third Time’s the Charm =-.

  2. 22

    Honestly , no I wouldn’t pass up me but I can understand why some people would.
    Understand as in I can think of reasons that may seem important to them but I find would definitely be no where near deal breaker status for me . And I’m pretty damn picky.
    I’ve had two serious relationships. I’ve been dumped in both cases. The first one I will shoulder some responsibility for . I was inexperienced and didn’t know the boundaries so I didn’t give enough. But the way he handled this was absolutely appalling.
    The second relationship, I was freaking perfect. I went out of my way , all of the time . Anything that I could I would do . And I did it well.
    The deal breaker for him was , and this is in no way exaggerated : I had a different opinion on fairly unimportant issues too often for his liking and this was not a perfect enough relationship for him despite his quite obvious and far more damaging short comings. I accepted him . He couldn’t do the same .
    He actually said to me , you’re more intelligent than I am and you are technically right most of the time but I don’t like it that way so you should agree with me .
    So yeah , I’ve got an opinion. And some men are man enough to appreciate it and love me for it . The only issue is when said man isn’t really on my level and though I’m willing to accommodate it now because everything else is almost right, how long will it be before I become frustrated and/or he becomes insecure ?
    Back to the search? Very disappointing.

  3. 23

    If I met a lady with my personality traits, I’d probably date her.

    Considering what most of the women I know have told me they like in men  , I can understand why many of them would not want to date me.

    I’m not really that picky about women except for the no marriage/living together/raising children thing.  

    The funny thing is my single male friends get the women who match my preferences in that area and the only women who seem attracted to me are ones looking for a husbdand and children.

    And when we have tried to cross introduce, the marriage minded women do not seem to like them and the others do not seem to like me.

    It is hilarious.

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