It’s Time For A Change

When I started doing this in 2003, there were no other dating coaches.

There was no texting. There was no iPhone. There was no Facebook. There was no Tinder. There was no Instagram. There were no dick pics. It was a simpler time.

By 2006, I had written two books, been featured in dozens of media outlets, had a successful online dating profile writing business, and was evolving from my online dating roots to dating and relationship coaching.

When I started this blog in 2007, it was called Advice From a Single Dating Expert. Tagline: “Because who knows more about being single than a guy who’s still single?” Blogging was recommended to me by colleagues as a way of increasing site traffic. To me, it felt like a step backward. I’m finally a paid writer and now I’m going to give away my precious words for FREE?!

Little did I know that this blog would be the centerpiece of my site and responsible for a far greater impact than my first two books and fleeting media appearances.

Since that date, when I was 35, I have gotten married, had two children, bought a house, wrote two more books (Why He Disappeared and Believe in Love), created Love U, and focused my energies on helping smart, strong, successful women who have everything but the guy find lasting love.

I came to Los Angeles when I was 24 to follow my dream of being a sitcom writer. Now that I’m almost 48, I couldn’t be more thrilled that I failed at my Plan A and created something out of my passion for writing, dating, and human connection.

Some numbers:

Between posting an answer to a reader question every Monday and linking to a relevant article every Thursday for the past 14 years, I have written over 1400 blog posts.

By allowing readers to express their feelings on the original post (without insulting other posters or asking their own questions), I have approved nearly 140,000 comments.

Finally, since 2015, over 30 MILLION readers from 239 countries have come to this blog when searching for answers to their most pressing dating and relationship questions.

I am not saying this to brag. I’m saying it because it’s hard to say goodbye to something that I’ve done with such regularity and pleasure for so long.

But, just as Facebook and Tinder and texting has changed the landscape of dating, the landscape for dating coaches has also changed.

I’m no longer the only dating coach, much less the only male dating coach for smart, strong, successful women. The truth is: there is zero barrier to entry for doing my job. Set up a website, call yourself a dating coach, and voila – you’re a dating coach.

I have had at least five clients take Love U and, upon graduating, declare that they, too, were going to quit their jobs to become dating coaches: Dating coaches for smart, strong, successful Asian women. Dating coaches for smart, strong, successful Irish women. Dating coaches for smart, strong successful women in STEM fields. Dating coaches for smart, strong, successful women in their 50’s. I don’t begrudge anyone his/her right to hang out a shingle. The Internet is a big place and as long as you’re helping someone make better choices in love, the world is better off with you in it.

But that does mean that, as a grandfather of this very 21st-century industry, I have to pivot. While I’ve been blogging twice a week to a diminishing number of readers (thanks, Google!) in an increasingly crowded space, others have utilized technology and social media to great effect. Younger, cuter guys who don’t have twelve-year-happy marriages, thousands of success stories, or a fraction of my real-life experience nonetheless have massive YouTube followings, Twitter followings, and Instagram followings, God bless ’em.

I feel like Hillary Clinton – hardworking, consistent, and overqualified – and I’m not ready to quietly let the Barack Obamas pass me by without a fight.

This is why I’m writing: to let you know that I’m doubling down on my commitment to help smart women like you create happy marriages.

I’m redoing EvanMarcKatz.com. The new site should be up by late fall. It will be cleaner, faster on mobile, easier to navigate and will feature two things, front and center: Love U and a bottomless well of success stories from women who took my signature course and found amazing men and marriages.

In addition, I’m redoing the way I offer information. That’s where the blog comes in. No more Monday reader questions. No more Thursday blog links. I’m offering just as much free dating advice as before, but I’m doing it with YouTube videos and Love U Podcasts.

Videos will come out on Tuesdays. Podcasts will come out on Tuesdays and Thursdays, with Thursdays being longer and more discursive. Emails will go out with links to these blogs/videos/podcasts every Tuesday and Thursday. Finally, these videos and podcasts will be distributed widely on social media, a place that I’ve generally stayed away from but am choosing to belatedly embrace.

My old way of doing things was no longer effective

If anything, what I hope you know about me is that there’s no difference between public EMK and private EMK. My north star is the truth. Not what’s “right or wrong,” but rather, what’s “effective or ineffective.” My old way of doing things was no longer effective; I had to change. It’s taken me about three or four years to fully come to terms with this but that’s how change works. Slowly, then suddenly. Adapt or die.

I’m choosing to adapt – to walk the walk of personal growth and responsibility that I so often preach on this blog. It’s not up to the Internet to accommodate a middle-aged blogger; it’s up to the middle-aged blogger to keep up with the Internet and reach readers where you’re at – on YouTube and Apple Podcasts – and hopefully inspire you to change YOUR way of selecting men.

Thank you for listening and for believing in my core messages: confidence, abundance, trust, joy, and optimism – as opposed to insecurity, scarcity, fear, negativity, and pessimism. I’m evangelical about the virtues of a happy, easy marriage and by the time you’re done with Love U, I trust you will be, too.

Warmest wishes and much love,

Your friend,

Evan

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Join our conversation (38 Comments).
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Comments:

  1. 1
    Margaret

    Love your blog Evan and found Love U very useful as well. Thank you for everything you’ve shared with us over the years!

  2. 2
    Kath

    Rest assured one of the main reasons I chose to follow you and buy your products is because you are happily married with a family. It amazes me that there are so many dating coaches out there who aren’t married themselves or at least in established, long-term relationships. Not that their advice is all bad, but I can think of a never-married, childless one in particular who has publicly admitted he isn’t in a relationship himself and doesn’t plan on one-(cue sound of an LP being scratched by turntable needle).
    We all should evolve with the times to stay current and relevant in our fields. EMK, you are the dating coach trailblazer. And that’s all yours. Looking forward to your continued content!

  3. 3
    Linda J Johnson

    One reader you lost is me….because you helped me find the man of my dreams and have been with him and happyily married for 17 years!! I no longer need dating advice! Good luck to you in all your endeavors. Honestly, I think a man who’s happily married as you are and with kids is a better source of information than a single guy. You’ve gained wisdom and perspective and truly know what can be found in life with the right partner. Personally, I don’t like videos and podcasts since I can read much faster, but so goes the world.

    And I’m not your target audience anymore – which is your “fault”. So whatever works with the younger set, go for it. If you ever take an interest in older women, I’d urge you to address them more directly too. There are many widows and older divorcees who would like to find love and a companion. Some don’t even know that’s what would make life more meaningful and they remain embittered, alone and lonely. It’s hard for these women; the prevailing thought is that older men want ‘a nurse and a purse’, but I’m sure that’s not universally true. Some think that older men only want a younger woman; I’m sure that’s not always right – who wants to explain the how the Beatles changed rock and roll or what it was like to watch John Glenn take off?

    Another issue, which I did face when dating, was widowers who had enshrined their dead wives into sainthood. A living woman couldn’t compete with a dead saint! But there are many lonely women out there who have given up, bought into the cultural norms of ‘beauty’ and won’t put themselves out there. There are of course, other issues, blended families of adult children, wills and estates issues, health issues. Those are probably beyond your interest but those women could use a mentor.

    Best wishes. I appreciate all you’ve done for me!

  4. 4
    Rachel

    Gosh – my first thought? I’m going to miss you. And your blogs and your btl feed. I’ve enjoyed it very much. I’m an avid reader – and I know that video and podcast content without a transcript will simply pass me by (so very middle-aged, I know!). I’ve learnt such a lot about human nature over the years that I have followed you – and am so very grateful to have stumbled across your blog – it’s been an invaluable resource. I admire you for making the changes you have planned and wish you the very best. I will keep an eye out for you via Facebook etc. I guess it’s inevitable – life is about change after all. Still – I’m one of the ones that feels a little sad that this relationship has perhaps run it’s course. It’s been lovely, it’s been brilliant, it’s been entertaining and insightful and I’ve been glad to have been a part of it. Thanks again Evan x

  5. 5
    Vanessa

    Good luck to you and for being brave to change your business model. I’ve always enjoyed reading your blogs, both when I needed advice but also just for information/entertainment. I personally prefer reading since videos and podcasts are a bigger time commitment, but I’m probably in the minority. Either way, your content is solid and I’ve referred many friends to your site over the years.

  6. 6
    Philippa

    This reminds me that I need to send you my story…as I know your advice helped me find my now husband

  7. 7
    Georgeanna

    Fantastic Marc! I started following your old podcasts a few months ago and have listened to most of them. I wondered why you stopped podcasting because they were great.

    Have also read a couple of your ebooks and keep returning yo those.

    Looking forward to the new changes!

  8. 8
    Mike EZ Dating Coach

    Hey Buddy,

    I’ve been reading your content for at least 6 years. As far as I am concerned you give some of the best if not the best advice in our industry. I just wanted to thank you for your dedication and giving me a place to learn a lot.

    Also, (we can chat off line about this), I am shocked that traffic for blogs are really that far down?

    Congratulations on the new endeavor.

    See you on the tube,

    Mike

    1. 8.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      Thanks, Mike. The traffic question is complicated and tech-y. Has to do with site speed, WordPress theme, plug-ins, and Google’s constantly changing algorithm. So in 2016, I had 1M unique readers a month. Now that number is closer to 300-400K, which is fine, but not acceptable when you consider the other coaches with YouTube followings of hundreds of thousands of women. I just have to do better. And I will. Best to you, always.

      1. 8.1.1
        jo

        First, Evan – thanks for your fantastic content for years, and good luck with your new channels! Second – wow, those of us who don’t have blogs or YouTube channels don’t know about all these stats and how things are changing. Will you keep all your old blog posts up here? I hope so. And do you ever plan to use this format in the future with some posts at least? If so, will the comments section still be open?

        1. Evan Marc Katz

          Thank you, Jo. I’ll be pruning some old blog posts but the vast majority will be staying up in perpetuity. As to whether I’ll blog the old way again… let’s just say that I hope not. It’s not that I haven’t enjoyed it; it’s that I’m onto a different challenge now. And I have to focus my energies on women who are interested in Love U and coaching – not cater to the loyal commenters who find entertainment here but don’t invest in my services. It’s just business, y’know?

  9. 9
    LORI REED

    Evan,

    Congratulations on your new endeavor! You’ll be a success, I’m sure. I’m going to like it because I prefer Podcasts and will enjoy adding yours to my library. Look forward to the continued learning.

    Lori

  10. 10
    Marie Keung

    I hope you will still continue to send us your emails. I thoroughly enjoy reading what you have to say/1

    1. 10.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      Yes. But my emails will send you to my blog to watch the videos and listen to the podcast.

  11. 11
    Malika With an L

    I absolutely loved your blogs, they were my biweekly staple. They also empowered me to tackle my vaginismus and to find my lovely boyfriend I am now in a two-year relationship with after being single for 16 years! I can’t imagine a single twenty-something having the tools and the wisdom to up my game plan for thorny dating and relationship issues. While the market may be crowded, I still think you are head and shoulders above the rest when it comes to my demographic group.

    I could sense though that you were getting tired of the medium and current posts came across as if they were a rehash of older blogs. I think podcasts and videos are a great refresh. A different approach will gain you a new perspective and fresh ideas will come to mind with it. Also a great chance to interview interesting SME’s on their perspective of dating issues.

    More of my friends are tuning into YouTube rather than reading a blog site. Fair enough, though i prefer reading myself. But i will definitely make space for your podcasts throughout my week. Good luck gearing up to the next chapter of your online adventure!

    1. 11.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      Malika, I prefer reading myself, too. But there will be transcripts below the audio/video – and the stuff I’m talking about will be just as interesting (if not more) than the stuff I blogged about for over a decade. I have a TON of things I want to say that I don’t get to share because of the old way I was doing things – now I can showcase what I actually do for clients as a coach, not just play Dear Abby on Mondays. Stick around. I think you’ll like it.

  12. 12
    Mrs Happy

    All the best Evan. As you know I have long appreciated what you have created here. This has been a really lovely place to visit. It will be missed.

    1. 12.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      Thanks, Mrs. H, but, to be clear, this blog isn’t going anywhere. I’m just changing the way I deliver content, that’s all.

  13. 13
    Jeremy

    I’ve been reading your site for many years, learning from and enjoying the content and the comments. I will be sorry to see it go. But glad that your advice will still be around in other formats, perhaps more easily accessible to those who most need it. Video blogs, audio, no doubt younger people are more tuned into that than the written word. Yet there’s something about the written word, isn’t there? A beauty, a subtlety, a chance to be re-read and better understood…I wonder if you’ll miss it. I will.

    1. 13.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      I may miss it but I truly think I’m going to like speaking my mind and telling stories more than answering reader questions/linking to interesting articles. This allows me to express myself more, which, in my world, is about the highest value I hold. I do hope you stay because this site is only getting better, as far as I’m concerned.

  14. 14
    Anna

    Thank you, Evan!
    Since I discovered you about 6 years ago, your advice has been extraordinary for me. I bought both “Why you disappeared” and “Believe in love”. I can say that, thanks to much of your advice, now I am in a 5 year successful relationship with a loving, quality man. I have learned to deal, and handle, many of the errors I committed in past relationships.
    I didn’t enroll in your courses or masters because of different time zones (I live in Europe). I continue to listen to your advice, in order to keep my relationship “tidy”. Much of your advice is useful for people in solid relationships, too.
    I have recommended you To many a friend.
    I would suggest a Spanish or French translation of your books.
    I am sure your new website will be great, and I wish you much success in this new stage!
    Warm wishes and much love

  15. 15
    Rampiance

    Huge gratitude for your clarity, insight, and persistence through the years!

    Audio and video, moreso than word alone, convey your unique scintillation, Evan. By watching you and hearing you express in your own colorful ways, your example showed me that there isn’t only One Template of Aspiration. Like you have yours, I have mine, and I endeavor to dig it out, polish it up, and Be Me.

    Thank you for modeling the courage and integrity needed for the most important project of my life.
    Heartful Hugs to You!

    1. 15.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      Thank YOU, Rampiance, for reading and commenting all these years.

  16. 16
    Bbq

    You only THINK there were no dick pics!

  17. 17
    Alexandra

    Evan, I really enjoyed your Love U podcasts/YouTube videos and I was disappointed when you stopped doing them. I especially liked the one where you answered women’s’ questions on the air. I’m not sure if you will be doing something similar again, but I love the YouTube and podcast formats. I personally have stopped reading and watching TV and now I only listen to podcasts, audio books and YouTube. I feel like TV (the black box in the living room…) is becoming a thing of the past. I still read your blog and a few others on various topics but reading words is no longer my primary method of obtaining information. This may have to do with the fact that I have two young children and I’m just too busy to read, but I can always put my earbuds in and listen to a podcast or YouTube video while doing something else. Multitasking is the way to go!

    So all this to say… go for it! I think you have an amazing personality and you are so much to watch. I will be tuning in for sure, as I’m sure many others will.

    By the way, I found my husband online (Match) in 2012 a mere 3 weeks in after I bought your online dating instruction program on how to write a killer profile. I followed your advice and it worked like a charm. Men really responded to my profile and I had a great experience with online dating. Some of that may have to do with the fact that I was 30 years old at the time, but I know my profile stood out from all the rest thanks to your advice.

    I wish you continued success as a dating coach.

  18. 18
    EM

    I’ll miss your blog, Evan. Thanks for all the great, thoughtful, free advice you’ve put out there for years.

    1. 18.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      Thanks, EM, but to be clear, the blog isn’t going anywhere.

      There are still 1000+ blog posts and I’ll be posting new content here twice every week. I’m just changing the format, that’s all.

  19. 19
    Dana

    Sigh. All good things must come to an end. I started reading you when I was a confused and slightly crazed dater; now I’m very happily married and a still-loyal reader because I am a sucker for good advice columns. However, I am exactly the person your business is happy to have, but really doesn’t need. I think your pivot is a smart one (google algos have no love for blogs, even though I’d rather read than watch video) and I do wish you the very best of luck — just be careful in that social media jungle. Twitter is some mean streets.

    1. 19.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      I hear you, Dana. Thanks for reading and commenting, but most of all, congratulations on your happy marriage. It really is everything.

  20. 20
    Janey

    Thank you, Evan! I have been a closet fan for the last 5 years. I think I’m like a lot of your readers –
    I’m a medical doctor with a Master’s degree, hard working, and a dreamer. However, I probably spent too many years studying and training, and I completely neglected romantic relationships. At 31, I was ready to try dating because I knew I wanted a husband and kids, but I had little experience and I was terrified!

    I signed up for e-Harmony, and I was so glad to have your blog and humour to help me navigate. I took your e-advice to heart, such as listen to the bad; be the cool girl (which I am, it’s not an act!); and don’t like the infatuation hormones get carried away. I found my lovely, thoughtful husband with the cutest dimples. We survived fellowship training and a brief long-distance period while he finished his post-doc. We closed the gap within the year. Last year, we got married on the beach in Hawaii after dating for three years. (Yes, I believed in dating for two years like you recommended).

    So thank you, Evan. I’ve found love in part because of you. My husband is greatly amused that I still read you blog, but getting married was just step one. There’s still a lot to learn about relationships, and I love your insights and stories about your family. I can’t wait to tune into your youtube channel and podcasts.

    Your fan,
    Janey

    1. 20.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      Awwww, that’s GREAT, Janey. Thanks for letting me know. It means the world to me.

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