Evan Marc Katz https://www.evanmarckatz.com Dating Coach for Smart Successful Women Tue, 22 Jun 2021 07:19:32 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.7.2 Are you the woman who has everything…except your man? Dating Coach Evan Marc Katz will help you find him. Evan is the author of four books, has been featured in hundreds of media outlets, including Today, the New York Times, and CNN, and has a blog that has attracted over 30 million readers. Most importantly, he has coached 12,000 women through Love U, his six-month course that helps smart, strong, successful women like you find lasting love. With a rare blend of wit, wisdom, and warmth, Evan's Love U Podcast teaches you exactly how to get the relationship you deserve. To learn more about Love U, please visit: www.evanmarckatz.com/love-u-live Evan Marc Katz episodic Evan Marc Katz evan@evanmarckatz.com evan@evanmarckatz.com (Evan Marc Katz) © Evan Marc Katz – Dating Coach for Smart Successful Women. All Rights Reserved. Understand Men. Find Love. TV-14 Dating After 40: How to Attract the Right Men https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/dating-after-40-how-to-attract-the-right-men https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/dating-after-40-how-to-attract-the-right-men#respond Mon, 21 Jun 2021 09:46:35 +0000 https://www.evanmarckatz.com/?p=111230 Maybe you thought looking for love would be easier now that you’re older, wiser and have your career and finances in place. 

Think again.

Finding a quality partner in your 40s is a lot trickier than when you were younger. 

Not just because the dating pool is smaller.

Not just because you may be rusty at dating.

But because 21st century dating is ever-changing and more challenging than what you may have been used to when you were younger.

I’m an experienced flirt, love expert, and dating coach, and I witness these challenges with my clients every day. So please, take a moment to read this article so I can give you some tangible takeaways about how to make the most of dating after 40. 

Can a 40-Year Old Woman Still Find Love?


And it’s not even debatable. The majority of my clients are over the age of 40 and, as you can tell, plenty of them are falling in love and getting married. 

But that doesn’t mean it’s easy.

At age 40, only 25% of college-educated men are single

Among that 25%, some of them never want to get married and some are single because few women would want to date them. 

Finally, if a man is in his 40’s and wants his own biological children, he’ll generally search for women under the age of 35 – so he can have a few years to date, fall in love, get married, and enjoy the relationship before he dives into fatherhood. 

(I married a woman three years older who was about to turn 39; I feel fortunate that we had two children in our forties, but many men won’t take that risk.)

Despite all of the caveats: that STILL leaves millions of men who are educated, relationship-oriented and looking to connect with you. So…

What Can You Do To Succeed in Dating in Your 40s?

You may feel that 40 is old but considering you’ve got a good 40 years left, it would seem to be in your best interest to prioritize finding lasting love.

And while people’s situations do change as they get older – people in their 40’s are often dealing with divorce and children – the dynamics of dating are universal.

That’s why having a healthy mindset and realistic expectations are key to your success.

Here are five things you can do to attract good men at any age.

1. Don’t Rush To Get into a Serious Relationship 

If you just had a grueling divorce, focus on self-care first before going back into the dating scene. You need to reclaim your sense of value and worth, and it’s important you spend enough time healing so that you can attract exactly the right kind of partner.

When you’re ready to get back out there, the key to successful dating after 40 is to act like there’s no urgency. As much as you want kids, you don’t want to rush into marriage and children in a year, only to end up a divorced single parent to an innocent toddler. 

Slow and steady – getting to know whether a man is high-character before you make life-altering decisions – may not be how you want to proceed, but it’s truly the only way.

I get that if you’ve struggled with men for decades, you may feel like snapping up the first cute guy who calls himself your boyfriend, but the stakes are too high to make a mistake.

In the first month of Love U, I talk about this counterintuitive process – being proactive, patient and positive, despite the face that you hate dating and would prefer Mr. Right to just knock on your door and propose to you right now. 

2. Create an Online Dating Profile That Reflects You

Dating apps are everywhere and it’s easier than ever to just post a photo and start swiping.

The problem with dating apps is that they’re almost purely age-based and looks-based, and since everyone has an infinite number of options, it’s hard to make a real connection.

That’s why I recommend conventional online dating sites like Match and OKCupid and why I’ve spent nearly two decades writing online dating profiles for women at e-Cyrano.com

If you don’t want to invest in a professional writer to attract quality men, that’s fine, but you do have to do something different to get a different result. 

The most powerful example of how to write a better and more authentic profile is to provide short anecdotes about what he gets out of dating you. “I would throw a Super Bowl party for your friends and serve my famous five-bean chili” is a much more appealing sentence than “I like dancing, swimming and walks with my dog.” Write for your audience, not for yourself. 

3. Don’t Be Scared To Make the First Move

Merely having live profiles on different online dating sites isn’t enough to find a great guy. 

You know this because you don’t like 90% of the men who reach out to you.

So if you’re not satisfied with the quality (or quantity) of the men who are writing to you, the most powerful thing you can do is to initiate contact.

That may feel a little foreign to you, especially if you’re of the belief that men should always make the first move. 

But it’s not really about WHO is making the first move; it’s about HOW you’re doing it. 

A confident woman will something funny about one detail in the guy’s profile – without complimenting him, without asking him out, without giving away your power – and discover that around 30% of men will write back.

You may focus on the 70% who don’t but the truth is that if you write to ONE new guy per day, you will have more dates than you can handle.

Writing to a guy doesn’t mean you’re needy, desperate, or even that you have to MEET him. It just means that instead of passively waiting for attractive men to write to you, you’re taking control of the situation and doubling your chances of meeting a great guy fast. 

4. Learn To Say “No”

Just because men are flooding your DMs for a date doesn’t mean you have to respond to everyone who reaches out. It’s not only exhausting but it’s also time-consuming. You’re not a human resources department at a big corporation; you’re an individual with a limited amount of energy. That doesn’t mean you should dismiss every guy with a mediocre profile who says “Hey, what’s up?” but rather that you should devote your time to men who make a greater effort. 

If you’ve got 7-10 active conversations going on with men who sound sane, serious, and are making a consistent effort, you don’t need any more leads. 

Better to go on one quality date a week with a guy who has earned the right to take you out on Saturday night than to text 25 guys in hopes of meeting 4 of them for coffee. 

Finally, if you’re a woman who wants to have kids, restrict yourself only to men who want kids and single dads. Life is too short to date a guy who isn’t sure if wants to be a dad.

5. Focus on the Present

Finding good relationships in your 40s often involves meeting a good number of men who have been married or already have children. 

At the same time, there are a number of wonderful divorced guys who have issues beyond their control. Controlling exes. Alimony payments. Shared custody. Demanding jobs and mid-life crises. These guys – like many divorced women – are wary of marriage, wary of losing their assets, and you shouldn’t rush them into commitment. 

In other words, if you’re a marriage oriented woman in your 40’s, you can’t expect a guy to marry you in a year. What you can do, however, is to choose a man who IS marriage oriented, and together, explore over the next two years whether you’re a good long-term fit. 

It’s not your job to make a man want to commit to you; it’s to see if he’s worthy of your commitment. If you’ve made mistakes before, pay attention to your feelings and your anxiety. 

Good relationships are easy and should feel organic. Instead of wondering about whether your kids will get along after the first month of dating, just enjoy the present and appreciate having a partner who is equally excited about you. 

6. Think Positive

After years of dating and jumping from one relationship to another, it’s normal to be disappointed. But that bitterness will only hurt you.

Rather than filling your mind with doubts on whether you still have a shot at a great relationship, why not replace it with optimism? Change your mindset of “relationships are scary” to “dating is fun.” Erasing negative thoughts can help connect more with men and date with positivity.

6. Talk to a Dating Coach

Dating coaches are specialists, just like plumbers and piano teachers and heart surgeons.

If you’ve tried everything and are thinking of giving up on dating, relationships and men, getting help from a relationship expert can transform your entire life. 

From providing motivation, confidence, and techniques to better attract and connect with the opposite sex, to teaching you how to choose a compatible man, the best dating coach offers perhaps the most valuable service you’ll ever need.

Have Fun With the Process

Even if women in their 40s are more self-aware, experienced, and aware of what values to look for in their partners, there’s always a sense of fear and vulnerability when it comes to dating. 

Even though you know, intellectually, that it’s not personal when you reject a guy, it sure feels personal when a guy rejects you.

Which is why it’s essential to have a detached approach from dating. “Short-term pessimism and long-term optimism” is what we practice in Love U. Not expecting too much from any one man, not putting too much pressure on any one date, and knowing that most guys are not meant to be your husband.

If you go on a date per week for three months, that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. It also doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with men. It probably means you just haven’t met your match yet. Why? Because finding one person to trust with your entire life is not easy, no more than getting to this place in your career was easy. 

When you’re dating in your forties, do your best to reserve judgment. 

Bad dates will happen. They make for good stories. 

Mediocre dates will happen. Forget about them. 

Good dates where men disappear or disappoint afterwards will happen. Shake them off. 

It’s all part of the process.

You don’t have to decide immediately on the first date if it’s going to work or not. You couldn’t possibly know. Neither could he. If you have fun and can relax on a first date, go on a second one. If not, don’t. It’s really okay. 

Now that you’re at the age where you know who you are and are confident with yourself, you’re most likely to find a mate better suited for you. Just have fun and enjoy the process!

https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/dating-after-40-how-to-attract-the-right-men/feed 0
What To Do With An Emotionally Unavailable Man https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/communication/what-to-do-with-an-emotionally-unavailable-man https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/communication/what-to-do-with-an-emotionally-unavailable-man#respond Fri, 18 Jun 2021 15:13:37 +0000 https://www.evanmarckatz.com/?p=110987




FINALLY Find Your Man

Take this short quiz
to discover what you need to do now.

Take this short quiz now

dating coach for smart, strong, successful women Evan Marc Katz

You’re smitten. It’s easy to see why. 

He’s fun. He’s sexy. He’s successful. And he’s interested in you. 

Naturally, you want him to become your boyfriend and begin to envision a future with him.

There’s just one thing: he’s emotionally unavailable. 

Which means that even if he’s a great catch, he’s a high-risk long-term partner. Many women spend years waiting for their emotionally unavailable man to change, only to discover that his definition of a relationship and your definition of a relationship are two wildly different things. 

So, are you wasting your time on him, or should you wait it out and hope things turn around?

Keep reading and I’ll explain. 

What does it mean when a person is emotionally unavailable?

What makes a man emotionally unavailable?

It’s an important question because this is a term that’s thrown around loosely and not always accurately. 

A man who doesn’t want to rush into a relationship isn’t necessarily emotionally unavailable. He may be cautious. He may have been hurt before. He may be timid by nature. But that doesn’t mean he’s incapable of a committed relationship. Such a man can be considerate of your feelings, communicate his desires, and ultimately become an amazing boyfriend.

Similarly, a man who is not interested in a relationship with you isn’t necessarily emotionally unavailable. It’s easy to assume that if he’s unwilling to commit to you, it must be some sort of failing on his part. But haven’t there been men that YOU didn’t want to commit to? Maybe you’re not that attracted, maybe he’s not that interesting, or maybe the timing is wrong. But being rejected by a man doesn’t mean he’s inherently unavailable. 

Emotionally unavailable men either cannot or will not reciprocate your emotional investments the way you’d want them to – thus leaving you perpetually dissatisfied and feeling unsafe.

Emotionally unavailable people are marked by three basic qualities:

  • They are emotionally distant.
  • They show indifference to the feelings of their partners.
  • They cannot commit to relationships despite the fact that they say they can.

That last one is particularly hard because emotionally unavailable men often present as enthusiastic partners, only to reveal over time that they have an avoidant personality.

This doesn’t mean such men have no feelings, that they don’t love you, or that they’re evil.

Emotionally unavailable men either cannot or will not reciprocate your emotional investments the way you’d want them to – thus leaving you perpetually dissatisfied and feeling unsafe.

How does one become emotionally unavailable?

The underlying reasons for emotional unavailability vary from one person to another.

Sometimes, it can be an offshoot of a dramatic life event. If his mother died of cancer, if his father abandoned him when he was young, or if his ex-wife cheated on him, you can see why he may be afraid to open up, be vulnerable and throw himself into love again. 

Then there are men who are emotionally unavailable because they are so dedicated to the pursuit of other goals. There’s nothing wrong with prioritizing one’s career, but if that coincides with working 60 hour weeks or traveling 20 weeks a year, even the nicest guy may be considered emotionally unavailable. 

Or perhaps he just got out of a long-term relationship and doesn’t know what he wants. It’s incredibly common for people to look for a rebound relationship directly after breaking up. 

Most men who are recently separated or divorced are NOT ready for a serious commitment – even if they think they are.

An emotionally unavailable man will rarely TELL you it’s a rebound relationship but since he’s single for the first time in years, it stands to reason that he may rush into both physical intimacy or an exclusive relationship. 

But that, too, is often an illusion. Most men who are recently separated or divorced are NOT ready for a serious commitment – even if they think they are.

Therein lies the problem. You can’t always tell whether a situation is temporary or permanent – whether a guy is just going through a rough time or is actually suffering from an avoidant personality.

If it’s the former, work can calm down and he can heal from his breakup. If it’s the latter, he may unconsciously spend his entire life blocking his feelings out of fear of pain, rejection and loss.

The result is that you’ll have a guy who genuinely wants to make a lasting connection but always sabotages it by pulling away or unconsciously creating distance. 

Ultimately, their fears and coping mechanisms prevent them from the very thing they want most.

What are the signs that you have an emotionally unavailable partner?

If you feel that there’s something off in your relationship, you’re not alone.

It’s easy to fall in love and envision a future with an emotionally unavailable guy. Many emotionally unavailable people are vibrant, charismatic, and make you feel good about yourself. Charm is their superpower and it allows them to get away with what comes next. 

You know what it is – that nagging feeling, months later, that your relationship is going nowhere.

By failing to recognize the signs of emotional unavailability in the first six weeks, you find yourself trapped in a relationship that can be mentally and emotionally punishing.

So, how do you know if you are dating someone emotionally unavailable? Here are a few signs:

While you might want to take things to the next level, he is more than happy to keep things exactly as they are right now.

You don’t know what to call your relationship

You’ve been going out for two or three months. You’ve met each other’s friends. You have great chemistry and lots of fun. And yet, you don’t know exactly where your relationship stands.

Emotionally unavailable men prefer to keep things casual and avoid making serious commitments. You’ll hear a lot of things like:

  • “I’m not sure what I want.”
  • “Everything is great. Why do we have to put a label on it?”
  • “I don’t like the word ‘boyfriend’.”
  • “I’m not seeing anybody else. Isn’t that enough?”
  • “Can’t we just keep doing this and see where it goes?”

These are all his ways of saying that while you might want to take things to the next level, he is more than happy to keep things exactly as they are right now. 

It feels like you’re stuck

Relationships with emotionally unavailable people often start off fast because that’s the only way these avoidant men can win you over. They start off with love-bombing, frequent texting, and romantic gestures – anything to demonstrate how excited they are about you.

None of this involves actual intimacy. It’s the illusion of intimacy; it’s a seduction method designed to win you over without opening his heart.

Which is why, after the honeymoon phase ends, you feel stuck. You wonder how that same guy who was so into you at the beginning can be so indifferent now. You long to connect with him but realize you don’t even know much about him. All you know is that he made you feel really good at the beginning and now you feel really bad. 

He doesn’t let his guard down

An emotionally unavailable partner can be difficult to read. You don’t know what he is thinking or feeling because he won’t open up and let his guard down.

It’s not that he doesn’t have feelings; it’s that he doesn’t feel comfortable sharing them. Maybe he was taught at a young age that people can’t be trusted. Maybe his own relationship experience suggests the same thing. At the end of the day, this is not a man who wants to share his feelings nor hear about yours. The more you ask him to talk, the more he’ll deflect.

You may think you’re close because you spend a lot of time together but it’s hard to feel safe and connected if your emotionally unavailable man prefers to keep you at a safe distance. 

He resorts to making jokes

To protect himself from having to go deep, emotionally unavailable men are skilled in using humor to avoid serious conversations. This is the same charm that originally seduced you and now it’s being used to keep you at an arm’s length. 

It’s far easier and safer for a man like this to avoid his emotions and control the conversation than to earnestly explore how he feels. 

While you just want to be real, he teases you about always turning the conversation serious. He may not be intentionally gaslighting you but it sure can feel that way. 

He doesn’t reciprocate your efforts

Emotionally unavailable men may be confident and alpha in their lives but when it comes to making an effort for you, they tend to be passive.

Their big effort is in GETTING into a relationship with you. At the same time, they know that if they continue to make a colossal effort, things will start to get serious. Which is why emotionally unavailable men fall into obvious behavior patterns: they stop reaching out, stop making plans, and stop making you feel like a priority. Suddenly, you’re forced to do all the work to prop up the relationship. And if you stop doing all the work, the relationship falls apart. So you keep it going, even though it’s draining and you’re not getting much in return. 

This is a perfect arrangement for the unavailable man because they believe, subconsciously, that making an emotional investment and putting in effort sets them up for heartbreak.

Since these men always put themselves first, you will always finish in second

He’s canceled your plans multiple times

It’s bad enough that he’s left you to plan your dates. What’s more disheartening is when he arrives late or cancels your plans, with a little apology and no intent to make things right.

What’s worse is that he always has an excuse – and you’re supposed to always accept it.

Next thing you know, you don’t feel like “the cool girl,” but, rather, a doormat. 

Yet, doormat is just about the only role for someone dating an emotionally unavailable man. Since these men always put themselves first, you will always finish in second. 

He’s never been emotionally intimate with you

An emotionally unavailable person almost always prefers physical intimacy over emotional intimacy.


Because physical intimacy is easy. It doesn’t leave him feeling vulnerable. It makes him feel connected and relaxed – and it has that temporary effect on you, as well.

But a relationship based on sex is not much of a relationship at all. If most of your time is spent having sex, you’re never talking about anything real. Feelings. Emotions. Hopes. Dreams. Disappointments. 

You know: the things that allow you to deeply connect with the closest friends in your life. 

Your man may not want to go deep but if you have that need, you may need another man.

You’re only as needy as your unmet needs.

He shuts you down

To emotionally unavailable men, the expression of feelings is a sign of weakness and neediness. 

It’s not.

You’re only as needy as your unmet needs. And when you’re dating a man like this – his avoidant attachment style can only serve to make you feel anxious and needy.

If you try to get closer or bring up a conversation, he will either withdraw (and leave you feeling lonely and crazy), or fight back (and tell you that you’re being emotional and demanding).

The fact is that since HIS way of dealing with emotion is to shut it down or avoid it, he assumes that you should do the exact same thing.

That’s a really unhealthy way to live and no one should have to put up with such treatment. 

Why are women attracted to emotionally unavailable men?

Dating emotionally unavailable men can only leave you questioning yourself. 

What have you been doing wrong to attract men who are emotionally distant?

To be clear, you don’t “attract” these men, you ACCEPT these men.

You’re attracted to their confidence, aloofness, and inscrutability. 

You find it more appealing when a guy leaves you guessing than when he’s really consistent.

This often has to do with the primary relationship you observed when you were young.

That became your normal and you’ve spent your whole life recreating that dynamic.  

You had emotionally unavailable parents

Psychologists say that people are attracted to people that are similar to them and their parents.

If you had a father who left when you were six and you never felt you could win his love, you may choose men who are also distant, because that’s what’s normal to you.

If you had a mother who was a critical narcissist, you may choose men who also embody those traits because that’s what’s normal to you. 

It’s not your fault for thinking that dysfunctional relationships are normal but it is up to you to try to identify and break that pattern, lest you spend your whole life with emotionally unavailable men, wondering why you can never seem to make things work with them.

The fact is: NOBODY can. 

You’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop – because, with the men you choose, it always does.

You are also emotionally unavailable

Then there’s the possibility that because of what you’ve been through with your family and your ex-boyfriends that you are also somewhat avoidant. 

It makes sense. If every relationship you’ve ever had has broken your heart or disappointed you, you may be afraid of experiencing true intimacy. 

As such, you unconsciously seek relationships with emotionally unavailable people because they’re strangely safe. Since you know in your heart they’re never going to work, you never have to be truly vulnerable. 

You’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop – because, with the men you choose, it always does. 

Can you make an emotionally unavailable person fall in love with you?

Being in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable person can be draining, especially since you’re doing all the work. 

But can you turn things around and make an emotionally unavailable person fall in love with you? Or are you better off calling it quits?

While many women spend years banking on a man’s potential, hoping he changes, wishing she could recreate the magic of the first few months, the truth is that there is little reward to dating an emotionally unavailable man.

You have to do all the work.

You have to get him to open up.

You have to deal with inconsistency, loneliness and insecurity.

A good partner should fill your cup. An emotionally unavailable partner just drains it.

And while you can argue that it’s a temporary condition due to a recent break-up, for the most part, men like this are bad bets for a healthy long-term relationship.

There’s no value in blaming a man for his inability to commit and make you feel safe; at the same time, there’s no value in staying with someone who is incapable of it. 

A good partner should fill your cup. An emotionally unavailable partner just drains it.

What can you do with an emotionally unavailable person?

Entering a relationship and making yourself vulnerable is hard enough. But with an emotionally unavailable partner, you will perpetually find yourself confused and frustrated.

Millions of women stay with emotionally unavailable men because of attraction, sunk costs, or fear that they can’t do better. But you can. 

You can’t have a relationship with a man dependent on him changing for you. You have to assume that this is all there is. 

Once you realize that you’re unhappy and that – despite his charms – he’s actually incapable of making you feel safe and happy, you can let him go and choose a man who you don’t have to work so hard to change.

https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/communication/what-to-do-with-an-emotionally-unavailable-man/feed 0 discover how smart, strong and successful women can finally find your man by Evan Marc Katz dating coach for smart, strong, successful women Evan Marc Katz
Want a Great Relationship? Choose a Man Who Does THIS. https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/commitment/want-a-great-relationship-choose-a-man-who-does-this https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/commitment/want-a-great-relationship-choose-a-man-who-does-this#comments Thu, 07 Jan 2021 14:00:51 +0000 https://www.evanmarckatz.com/?p=70223




FINALLY Find Your Man

Take this short quiz
to discover what you need to do now.

Take this short quiz now

dating coach for smart, strong, successful women Evan Marc Katz
If you’ve ever been in a bad relationship, what I’m about to share is going to make total sense. If you ever want to find a good relationship, you should pay close attention.

Amy Alkon is a science writer who did a piece in Psychology Today about John Gottman, the grandfather of couples counseling. I did the same a few years back

She notes, “A happy relationship is actually made out of dozens of little daily shows of attention to one’s partner—sometimes of the most mundane kind: a grunted yes, the crack of a smile, a nod. These are responses to what marriage researchers John Gottman and Janice Driver call “bids for connection.” They are the many small attempts people in relationships make to get their partner’s attention, affection, or emotional support…

You can respond to this “bid” in one of three ways: Ignore the bid (“turn away”), express irritation (“turn against”), or reply lovingly (“turn toward”)…

In Gottman and Driver’s research, they observed the interactions of just-married couples and then checked in with them six years later. At the six-year mark, the couples who were still married were those who’d initially “turned toward” each other 86% of the time, on average. The couples who ended up divorced had a 33% turn-toward rate.”

It’s not the grand gesture – the romantic dinner, the diamond earrings, the fancy vacation – that ultimately determines the success of your marriage. It’s the quality of your daily interactions.

It’s easy to say that this study is akin to a researcher determining that water is wet or that people can be mean on the internet. But it’s actually a profound insight into what makes relationships work. It’s not the grand gesture – the romantic dinner, the diamond earrings, the fancy vacation – that ultimately determines the success of your marriage. It’s the quality of your daily interactions.

If you choose a man who is kind, attentive and affirming, you’re going to have a much happier partnership than if you choose a guy who tells you he loves you but treats you like shit. Your thoughts, below, are greatly appreciated.

https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/commitment/want-a-great-relationship-choose-a-man-who-does-this/feed 3 discover how smart, strong and successful women can finally find your man by Evan Marc Katz dating coach for smart, strong, successful women Evan Marc Katz
Is Coronavirus Killing Our Social Skills? https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/confidence/is-coronavirus-killing-our-social-skills https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/confidence/is-coronavirus-killing-our-social-skills#comments Thu, 31 Dec 2020 14:00:45 +0000 https://www.evanmarckatz.com/?p=70196




FINALLY Find Your Man

Take this short quiz
to discover what you need to do now.

Take this short quiz now

dating coach for smart, strong, successful women Evan Marc Katz
Once upon a time, there was a global pandemic.

It was terrible for the world – tens of millions infected, economies and businesses destroyed, people going hungry, misinformation and blame abounding.

But for some individuals, it was a mixed blessing.

For extroverts and overly scheduled people, it was a chance to reflect on how busy you were and how many social obligations were draining and unnecessary.

For introverts, it was a perfect excuse to stay home and avoid the hustle and bustle of real life. Maybe it was a little TOO much alone time but working from home has turned out to be a pretty positive side effect of coronavirus.

You know who really got hurt by lockdown? Kids. Kids, who learn to grow up by interacting with other kids, by joining sports teams, by having playdates, by pushing boundaries set by teachers, by figuring out their own identities. Teenagers, who were already too addicted to their phones, becoming more dependent on them. Pre-adolescents, who were already a little immature, falling a year behind their peers in terms of social maturity.

what I teach in Love U is not so much dating advice, but social skills.

Which brings us to today’s article, “An Adult’s Guide to Social Skills,” published in the New York Times earlier this year. Reading it was a validation that a lot of what I teach in Love U is not so much dating advice, but social skills. Confidence. Boundaries. Emotional Intelligence. Self-Awareness. Empathy. Communication.

It’s a worthwhile read so click here to check it out.

In the comments below, please share what you need to work on with your social skills. For me, it’s my fierce and unfortunate loyalty to telling the truth instead of being more tactful and sensitive. It got me fired from a few jobs and still gets me in trouble today…as you can easily see for yourself.

https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/confidence/is-coronavirus-killing-our-social-skills/feed 1 discover how smart, strong and successful women can finally find your man by Evan Marc Katz dating coach for smart, strong, successful women Evan Marc Katz
Here’s the Reason You’ll Never Be Satisfied With Your Partner https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/relationships/heres-the-reason-youll-never-be-satisfied-with-your-partner https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/relationships/heres-the-reason-youll-never-be-satisfied-with-your-partner#comments Thu, 24 Dec 2020 14:00:08 +0000 https://www.evanmarckatz.com/?p=70211




FINALLY Find Your Man

Take this short quiz
to discover what you need to do now.

Take this short quiz now

dating coach for smart, strong, successful women Evan Marc Katz
“Heterosexual women of a progressive bent often say they want equal partnerships with men. But dating is a different story entirely. The women I interviewed for a research project and book expected men to ask for, plan, and pay for dates; initiate sex; confirm the exclusivity of a relationship; and propose marriage. After setting all of those precedents, these women then wanted a marriage in which they shared the financial responsibilities, housework, and child care relatively equally. Almost none of my interviewees saw these dating practices as a threat to their feminist credentials or to their desire for egalitarian marriages. But they were wrong.”

This first paragraph knocked me out. It comes from an Atlantic article called “If You Want a Marriage of Equals, Date as Equals.”

It shows, in great detail, the myriad contradictions that come with modern dating.

“The men I spoke with held persistent double standards. They expected women to walk a fine line between enough and too much sexual experience. They admitted to running into conflicts with “strong-willed” women. Men also wanted to be taller, stronger, and more masculine than their partners. And many of the men expected women to take their last names after marriage.”

No surprise here. It’s the same thing my readers complain about frequently. But women were no different in their mixed emotions. They all want egalitarian relationships…except when it comes to men paying for things.

“In a throwback to an earlier era, many women I spoke with enacted strict dating rules. “It’s a deal-breaker if a man doesn’t pay for a date,” one woman, aged 29, told me. A 31-year-old said that if a man doesn’t pay, “they just probably don’t like you very much.” A lot of men, they assumed, were looking for nothing more than a quick hookup, so some of these dating rituals were tests to see whether the man was truly interested in a commitment. A third woman, also 31, told me, “I feel like men need to feel like they are in control, and if you ask them out, you end up looking desperate and it’s a turnoff to them.”

These contradictions are at the heart of Love U, where I guide women through these contradictions with a dose of reality-based dating coaching.

People want what they want, even if the thing they want is a contradiction.

In short, people want what they want, even if the thing they want is a contradiction. Want to poll well as a politician? Offer lower taxes and more free stuff. People love both!

So let’s get it straight, everybody:

If you’re a woman and you want a man who makes more than you and pays for everything, you should probably expect that he’s not going to want to manage domestic duties and that’s going to be more your responsibility.

If you’re a woman and you want a man to take on 50% of domestic duties, you may have to choose a man who doesn’t make as much as you.

If you’re a man and you want a smart, strong, successful woman who loves her work and makes equal money, you shouldn’t expect her to take on the lion’s share of domestic duties and you need to find a way to divide things equally.

If you’re a man and you want a woman who takes care of you and the house, maybe you should value nurturers over career-oriented women.

And if that’s not enough to chew upon, here’s an addendum:

If you’re a person who has taken on the majority of domestic responsibilities, you should have the respect of your spouse, but that doesn’t mean he/she is obligated to care as much about the details of those responsibilities or do them exactly like you.

If you’re a person who has taken on the responsibility of paying for the majority of things, you should have the appreciation of the lesser-earning spouse, but that doesn’t mean you’re more important to the relationship. You just have different roles that contribute to a happy marriage.

As always, I think I’ve nailed it here. If you disagree, what do you think I’m missing? Your thoughts, as always, are appreciated.



https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/relationships/heres-the-reason-youll-never-be-satisfied-with-your-partner/feed 7 discover how smart, strong and successful women can finally find your man by Evan Marc Katz dating coach for smart, strong, successful women Evan Marc Katz
Why You’ll Have a Happier Marriage if You Understand Men https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/relationships/happier-marriage-understand-men https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/relationships/happier-marriage-understand-men#comments Thu, 17 Dec 2020 14:00:07 +0000 https://www.evanmarckatz.com/?p=69998




FINALLY Find Your Man

Take this short quiz
to discover what you need to do now.

Take this short quiz now

dating coach for smart, strong, successful women Evan Marc Katz
As a dating coach, I try to teach concepts that aren’t blatantly obvious.

Relationship advice for men tends to focus on building up attraction – how to make more money, how to have a better body, how to make the first move.

That’s what will GET you a woman’s attention; it’s not what will keep you in a happy relationship. More money and better bodies don’t equate to compatibility.

If I were a coach for men, I’d teach them what women want but often neglect when choosing their partners: the importance of listening, validating, checking in regularly, and making you feel safe, heard, and understood.

Alas, I’m a coach for women.

And if conventional self-help for women consists of telling you to lose weight, apply makeup for better selfies, master these 7 hot techniques in bed, and “love yourself,” I’m going to teach something else: the importance of making men feel accepted, appreciated and admired – as opposed to constantly criticized.

It’s the disconnect – and the belief that the opposite sex is “wrong” when they disagree with us – that causes a lot of friction.

Enter the latest validating article by Stephanie Coontz about how gay marriages are happier and healthier than straight marriages. No surprise. Women understand women better. Men understand men better. It’s the disconnect – and the belief that the opposite sex is “wrong” when they disagree with us – that causes a lot of friction.

Coontz focuses on gender roles at home as the source of disconnect but I think it neatly overlaps with what I wrote above. If a man comes home from work and expects his working wife to have dinner on the table AND to do the dishes afterward, he is certainly not making her feel “understood.” And if a man DOES cut the vegetables and does the dishes but only hears that he did both “wrong,” he’s not going to feel particularly “accepted.”

It’s about finding a balance and fairness that works for both members of a couple. If a wife is constantly swallowing her feelings about the emotional labor of running a house and the man is constantly being told that his best efforts to help out are never enough, you can see why a more egalitarian homosexual relationship may be a little easier.

The researchers John Gottman and Robert Levenson found that gays and lesbians who discussed a disagreement with their partner did so in less belligerent, domineering and fearful ways than different-sex individuals, possibly because they did not bring the same history of power inequalities to the table. Same-sex couples used more affection and humor while discussing their disagreements, became less agitated and calmed down more quickly afterward than different-sex couples.

Even in ordinary daily interactions, people in same-sex unions use more positive methods of influencing a partner, studies find, than individuals in different-sex partnerships, offering encouragement and praise rather than criticism, lectures or appeals to guilt.”

And it’s not just men who are at fault here. “Women, for instance, have long been socialized to believe that providing and receiving emotional support is a routine obligation in partnerships, something that, like putting food on the table, must be done every day. The University of Texas sociologist Debra Umberson says that women tend to be “all in” when it comes to anticipating, reading and responding to their partner’s emotional and physical needs.” That’s a lot of emotional work – especially for a man who doesn’t have the same emotional needs – which is to say, most of them.

Please read the original article, which is long, thoughtful, and well researched, and let me know: do you think it would be easier to date the same sex? Your thoughts, below, are greatly appreciated.


https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/relationships/happier-marriage-understand-men/feed 3 discover how smart, strong and successful women can finally find your man by Evan Marc Katz dating coach for smart, strong, successful women Evan Marc Katz
You’re Doing Everything Right, Just in the Wrong Order https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/youre-doing-everything-right-just-in-the-wrong-order https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/youre-doing-everything-right-just-in-the-wrong-order#comments Thu, 15 Oct 2020 13:00:09 +0000 https://www.evanmarckatz.com/?p=73157




FINALLY Find Your Man

Take this short quiz
to discover what you need to do now.

Take this short quiz now

dating coach for smart, strong, successful women Evan Marc Katz

I hope you’re having a great fall. I sure am.

Because of my good fortune in love, I’m always thinking of my greater mission:

Helping smart, strong, successful women understand men and make healthy relationship choices.

It sounds simple and straightforward and yet there are millions of women who struggle to do those very things. I hear your struggle, in some form, every single day.

I was thinking about this after a recent flurry of client applications.

Before I take on any new client, I’ll spend a good 45 minutes on the phone to make sure that working together is the right decision – for both of us.

It took 43-year-old Bonnie two of these long phone calls to get comfortable.

I don’t blame her. Since she’s making a sizable investment in her future, I want to be able to remove all of her doubts and get on the same page about our partnership.

Thankfully, these free consultations are very revealing. I learned a lot about Bonnie that we’ll be able to work on over the next three months as it pertains to dating.

First of all, I learned that Bonnie is a workaholic. She has three different companies and divides her time between all of them. It’s no surprise she doesn’t have much time for men.

Next, I learned that Bonnie, despite being confident, doesn’t always conduct herself that way on dates. Her demeanor was far more insecure than you’d expect from such an accomplished woman. I have no doubt that some of this is apparent on dates as well.

Third, I learned that Bonnie is a serial monogamist. I understand serial monogamists very well – I even married one. But one of the things about women who are always in relationships is that they have a propensity to see the good in men. In general, this is a positive trait. The downside is that serial monogamists tend to forgive men for unforgivable traits – lack of communication, different long-term goals, emotional unavailability. That’s how Bonnie – and perhaps even you – get stuck in dead-end relationships.

Interestingly, the biggest takeaway I had from my two sessions with Bonnie was something that I think may very well apply to you. So…

If you’re a spiritual woman…

If you’ve “done your work”…

If you believe in the Universe or the Law of Attraction…

If you are a woman who has vowed to “never settle”…

You’re quite likely falling into the same trap as Bonnie.

You’ve dated around, learned a bunch, and now you’re “ready”.

You’ve read a bunch of self-help books that advise you to imagine your ideal man.

You make a list.

You read it like a mantra.

You put positive energy out there.

You try to manifest your soulmate.

A few months later, it’s not working.

A few years later, it’s not working.

What in God’s name is going on?! How did all these love gurus steer you wrong?

The answer is very simple.

You got the order backwards.

You created a list of 20 must-have traits and spent years trying to find a guy to fill it.

When what you should have been doing is dating a bunch of men, and seeing which of them is so great that you don’t even worry about your original list.

Want to find love FAST? Sick of waiting for the Universe to provide?

Follow these steps and you’ll be in a happy relationship before you can imagine.

1) Start dating online.

(Because the Universe doesn’t bring many guys to your front door)

2) Realize your old way isn’t working and try online dating my way.

(It’s called Finding the One Online and it’s f-ing brilliant!)

3) Notice you suddenly have more men and higher quality men courting you.

(All because you made a proactive effort to seek out dates.)

4) Go on a date or two every single week.

(After screening out 7 subpar candidates via email and phone.)

5) Discover that you really enjoy the company of one guy, in particular.

(The conversation was easy. You laughed a bunch. You had fun.)

6) Realize that this guy is equally excited about you.

(Because he follows up to make plans with you the very next day.)

7) Go out with him on a second date. And a third. And a fourth. And a fifth.

(Plus, enjoy the foreplay that goes along with it!)

8) Delight in his offer to take his profile down and become exclusive.

Congratulations, you have a boyfriend!

But here’s the really cool part…

That dream list of 20 things you made to describe your soulmate?

Your new boyfriend has maybe 13 of them.

And you know what? It’s okay that he doesn’t have everything on that list.

You’re happy.

That’s the whole point of life.

In fact, that’s the whole point of today’s email.

Instead of spending year after year, hoping to meet a man who fulfills a magical wish list that you think will make you happy, reverse the order:

Go out with a bunch of guys.

See who makes you happy.

When you find a guy who does, you can forget your list.

That’s exactly what I did.

My original list would have had “masters degree”, “high income”, “secular Jewish”, “never married”, “intellectually curious” and so on.

But upon dating my wife, I realized that those qualities, while attractive, don’t make much of a difference in my day-to-day happiness.

If anything, I was confused because my wife didn’t conform to my list.

That’s right:

The LIST was causing my strife. My WIFE was making me happy.

So, instead of trying to force your partners to conform to some made-up list, throw out your list and try a bunch of guys on for size.

See who fits. Who looks good. Who feels good.

Appreciate the things he does bring to the table instead of focusing on what he doesn’t bring to the table.

Whoever it is – and it’ll surprise you – appreciate the things he does bring to the table instead of focusing on what he doesn’t bring to the table.

This is the secret to dating and I’m giving it to you for free.

But if the real problem is that you NEVER MEET MEN, well, you’re gonna have to do something differently.

In Finding the One Online, I outline literally every single thing you have to do to find success in online dating – from choosing a site, to writing a username, to constructing a one-of-a-kind profile, to flirting with guys and making them respect your boundaries.

It’s a comprehensive and powerful program, with all the material of private coaching at 1/60th the price.

Click here to learn more.

Just know that you can do everything right, but if you get the order wrong, it’s never gonna happen for you.

Ditch the list. Don’t wait for the universe. Create your own love life.

Be happy.

Warmest wishes and much love,

Your friend,


P.S. Wondering if online dating can really work for you? It does for all of my other clients, including Janie, who bought “Finding the One Online” a few months ago:

I’ve always disliked self-help books, but from the moment I started reading Finding the One Online, I felt you were talking to me. Your advice is direct and straightforward… and, as a type A personality, sometimes hard to hear. Giving up control – wow. Following his lead. Making sure he feels good, secure, trusted. The first thing I did was get help writing my profile from one of your fantastic e-Cyrano writers. The very next day after I posted it, I had an email from the man I am now dating. First I opened “Finding the One Online” and responded appropriately – thank you! He is smart, loving, funny, a perfect travel partner, and really wonderful. I have never been in such a lovely relationship. I feel secure, cherished, and happy every day. I never stopped reading your books, and checked up on myself often. Yesterday, my man brought roses to celebrate the anniversary of our first kiss. How romantic is that? Your advice was a beautiful gift!


It’s time to stop reading testimonials and start living them.

Click here to learn how to create a powerful love life from scratch.

https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/youre-doing-everything-right-just-in-the-wrong-order/feed 3 discover how smart, strong and successful women can finally find your man by Evan Marc Katz dating coach for smart, strong, successful women Evan Marc Katz
The Biggest Problem with the Last Guy Who Broke Your Heart https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/letting-go/the-biggest-problem-with-the-last-guy-who-broke-your-heart https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/letting-go/the-biggest-problem-with-the-last-guy-who-broke-your-heart#comments Thu, 08 Oct 2020 13:00:47 +0000 https://www.evanmarckatz.com/?p=73091




FINALLY Find Your Man

Take this short quiz
to discover what you need to do now.

Take this short quiz now

dating coach for smart, strong, successful women Evan Marc Katz
I invite you to think of the last time you were emotionally invested in a man.

It could have been a promising prospect you met online, it could have been your boyfriend of five months, it could have been your fiancé.

The common denominator is that this man, who took your breath away and gave you hope, ultimately left you.

I know how it feels. Most people do. You stake your dreams on the integrity of your relationship, only to find out that he had eyes for someone else, that he had major issues with you, or that wasn’t ready to commit to you.

This can be devastating. It can make you mistrustful. It can make you lose faith. It can stop you from dating entirely.

But the hardest part is how, far too often, you never quite get over him.

Because you weren’t the one who ended things, your feelings remained as strong after you were dumped as they were before you were dumped.

It makes perfect sense. He might have broken up with you, but that doesn’t mean you love him any less.

This exact scenario happened recently with my client, Wanda, who was still recovering from a short relationship with a man she met on JDate.

They had gotten physical after 5 dates, took down their profiles, and entered into an exclusive relationship. Two and a half months later, he broke things off.

Said he wasn’t feeling what he thought he should be feeling. Said it wasn’t her fault. Said he wanted to remain friends.

So Wanda has remained friends with her ex – and has remained in love with him as well.

Needless to say, it’s extremely hard for her to move on. Every new man gets unfavorably compared to her ex. It’s not that she’s wrong; Wanda can’t help herself. She felt that dizzy, passionate, “in love” feeling, and even though the ex is gone, the feeling still lingers.

But should it?

Hell, no!

Wanda’s is wondering about how to get him back. She’s hoping that their friendship turns back into a relationship. She’s “dating” but not really giving herself to the process.

In other words, she is pining for a man who does not love her unconditionally.

Talk about a bad plan. Then again, you’ve probably done the same thing.

It may be normal. It may be human. But it’s sure not healthy – especially if you aspire to the delight, passion and safety of a truly happy marriage.

If you’re still holding onto a man from your past, my program, Why He Disappeared – The Smart, Strong, Successful Woman’s Guide to Understanding Men and Keeping the Right One Hooked Forever will show you how to instantly let go.

Don’t you think your future husband should love you unconditionally?

But let me ask you: don’t you think your future husband should love you unconditionally?

Wouldn’t you figure that this should be a pre-condition for any man who’s going to spend his life with you? I sure do.

In fact, if I’m building the perfect man, I’m starting there and working backwards:

1) Most important quality: Loves you unconditionally. Will stick by you for richer and poorer, in sickness and in health, ‘til death do you part.

2) Second most important quality: Everything else – height, weight, age, income, education, etc.

Yet all I hear about, over and over, is the amazing, tall, cute, sexy, charismatic, funny, successful guy who breaks your heart when he doesn’t want to commit to you.

Well, guess what?

That guy SUCKS!

Your future husband DOESN’T leave you.

Your boyfriend’s willingness to leave you IS his fundamental flaw.

And yet you’re holding onto an idealized image of him – hoping he comes back.

Why? So when you get him back, he STILL doesn’t love you unconditionally?

Face it; your ex isn’t as great for you as you think he is. It’s not that he’s a bad guy. It’s not that you didn’t have a genuine special connection. It’s that, in practice, he’s a terrible life partner – for one very specific reason:

He was willing to let you go.

Now it’s time for you to let him go.

Same thing with any man who broke your heart in the past. Let him go.

Only then can you open up to true love – the kind that endures forever.

If you’re done pining over your selfish ex who didn’t fully appreciate you, you must read Why He Disappeared.

In it, I give you an in-depth understanding into the kind of man you want to attract and keep in your life. Starting from the moment you begin reading, you’ll begin to learn surprising concepts about men, that will transform the way you interact with them forever.

I can’t wait to hear how your life transforms!

Warmest wishes and much love,

Your friend,


P.S. Donna married her soul mate in June, and had this to say about Why He Disappeared.

Dear Evan,

You probably get many emails letting you know that the advice you give in your books and blogs works, but I figure it couldn’t hurt to hear one more. (I am also the woman you spoke with on the phone last spring asked to be let out of the phone coaching arrangement because I misunderstood the true cost of that service.) I also have to give credit to Arielle Ford’s book “The Soulmate Secret” which helped me begin my transformation that allowed me to attract the right man to me.

Long story short: I met an incredible man last spring on JDate and we are getting married at the end of June. I could not be happier or feel more sure about this.

My story:

I was approaching 49 had been divorced for 13 years. I had several longer-term relationships, but they obviously were not right. I also have to admit that the majority of the men left me. Looking back, I realize that none of those men would have been right. So what changed?–mostly me and my way of looking at the world and at dating. I also made a pledge to myself that no matter what happened in my dating experience, from this point forward, I would not get cynical.

Your e-book “Why He Disappeared” allowed me to realize that in many ways I was looking for a male “me” and being too critical about the wrong things. I was also closing myself off to men who were older than 7 years than myself (my fiancé is 11 years older than myself, but has more energy than me!). So when “James” contacted me on JDate and acknowledged that he was outside of my age range (he was 59 and I was 48), but stated that his dad was 92- I told myself “be open.” And as I reviewed his profile, I realized that we had many things in common.

The second most important thing I did was to go about dating differently. I listened to one of the Attracting the One online- audio seminars where you said that the purpose of online dating was to ensure that you went on only good dates. So when James immediately asked me if I would like to go for a walk, I asked him instead some questions in email and we had more email rapport which got me more interested. Then I suggested that we talk on the phone, which went well- so by the time we finally met 2 weeks later, we had a very natural and good date. (And when he proposed to me, he re-created our first date!) I must admit that when we first met, there were no sparks for me, but it was certainly pleasant. I could tell he was a good man — he even offered to help me pack as I was moving to a new house the following week. (A house which I bought with the intention of having it be large enough to accommodate another person—a two car garage and bathroom double sink. As it turns out, James has moved into my, now our home.) We took things slow, and as I got to know him, he consistently showed me how dependable, kind, capable, communicative and loving he truly was and by the end of June, I was in love with him.

This has been the easiest and most fulfilling relationship of my life. I was always envious of women who seemed to have relationships where they felt mutually adored and deeply loved….but no more!


It’s about time you had a breakthrough like Donna. And I’m going to be right by your side, just as I was with her.

Click here to learn more.

https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/letting-go/the-biggest-problem-with-the-last-guy-who-broke-your-heart/feed 7 discover how smart, strong and successful women can finally find your man by Evan Marc Katz dating coach for smart, strong, successful women Evan Marc Katz
You Don’t Make Time When You Meet the Right Guy; You Make Time to FIND Him https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/you-dont-make-time-when-you-meet-the-right-guy-you-make-time-to-find-him https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/you-dont-make-time-when-you-meet-the-right-guy-you-make-time-to-find-him#respond Thu, 01 Oct 2020 13:00:17 +0000 https://www.evanmarckatz.com/?p=72959




FINALLY Find Your Man

Take this short quiz
to discover what you need to do now.

Take this short quiz now

dating coach for smart, strong, successful women Evan Marc Katz

Amber is 34, attractive, smart, free-spirited, creative and spiritual…

That’s the good part

The bad part?

She works 80 hours a week, wants to date only men in the film industry, considers herself very choosy…and she very much wants to have a family.

How many core Evan Marc Katz dating principles could she violate at once?

Let’s count.

She’s very choosy – and doesn’t want to open up her boundaries to other men the way I have, my wife has and my sister has.

She refuses to date online – it’s creepy and unnatural and definitely not for people who think outside the box like Amber.

She wants to date another Hollywood person – because only they can understand her passion for movies. Her dream is to make films with her husband.

She wants to date another spiritual guy – once again, only they can understand her.

She definitely doesn’t want to actively look for a guy. She wants love to be organic.

Got it.

Let’s crack this open, blind spot by blind spot, but first I want to give you the opportunity to see E-Cyrano Profile writing services. If you don’t have to read all the way to the end, click here now.

First of all, Amber’s biggest problem is that she wants to date herself with a penis.

(Yes, she laughed when I said this, and no, she didn’t deny it.)

The thing is that there aren’t many cute, successful, passionate, stable, spiritual, family-oriented, ready-to-settle-down, young filmmakers in Hollywood.

Many of those filmmakers – and remember, I was one of them – are often arrogant, narcissistic, selfish, highly emotional, particular, fickle, depressed, flighty artists.

And the handful of men that do qualify may not be as cute, or as spiritual, or successful, or as family-oriented as Amber wants.

So Amber has two choices: hold out for her perfect fictional guy (who has only good qualities, but none of the bad ones), or compromise on something.

You already know what she chooses to do.

Thankfully, Amber’s attractive. She gets hit on by men all the time. She rejects most of them, but every once in awhile she lets someone in.

The current man she’s seeing is wonderful and she connects with him on many levels. Except he’s already told her that he doesn’t want to get married or have kids.


Of course, Amber’s still seeing him, or whatever it means to date someone when you’re already working 80 hours a week.

Does it sound like I’m being harsh on Amber? Or am I merely pointing out what’s obvious?

Her actions and her goals aren’t aligned.

She wants to date a man who wants kids, but she spends her time dating men who don’t.

She wants to settle down and find love, but she relies on a bunch of independent filmmakers as her dating pool – the same dating pool that has led to her being single at age 34.

And then there’s what she said to me next, which drove me to write this email:

“When I meet the man of my dreams, of course I’ll make time for him!”

(By the way, she said this without a shred of irony. So I’ll repeat:)

“When I meet the man of my dreams, of course I’ll make time for him!”

Got it.

In the meantime, however, Amber is going to work 80 hours a week, only bothering to hook up with cute, spiritual guys who want to be the next Spielberg

She won’t give me a half-hour a day to date online.

She won’t give up her dream of making movies with her husband.

All she knows is that when he comes along, she’s going to reprioritize.

This is patently ridiculous.

No different than “when the right job comes along, then I’m going to start working hard”, or “when the weight melts off, I’m going to start working out.

Amber’s got the order backward!

You don’t “make time for the right guy”, you make time to MEET the right guy.

If you don’t make time to meet him – to go on Match, to go to parties, to schedule a date every weekend – there will be no right guy to make time for!

So, please, don’t fall into the trap that Amber has.

Make time for love and love will make time for you.

Make time for love and love will make time for you.

Set up a brilliant profile on Match, log on for a half-hour a day, flirt with 7 to 10 guys at a time, and you’ll be on your way.

And if that all sounds a bit daunting and you want a roadmap on how to do it, I’ve got it for you.

First step, get yourself an e-Cyrano profile.

You talk. We write. The results are magical.

And soon, you can write me an email that sounds a little something like this

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

I just LOVE my profile!!!!!!!! 🙂 It feels so very much like me and I am very proud and excited to be uploading it to my online service.

You really captured my essence and the things that are important to me. I love how you’ve crafted and included so much detail from all those stories and our conversation. I don’t know how you managed to do it in so few words, but you did

Thanks for everything! You my friend, you are super-genius and I’m deeply appreciative of what you’ve done for me. Lucky, lucky clients who can work with you in the future.

If you ever, ever come visit Portland again, please look me up. 🙂



Thousands of women have already done it and found love.

You can, too.

Warmest wishes and much love.

Your friend,


https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/you-dont-make-time-when-you-meet-the-right-guy-you-make-time-to-find-him/feed 0 discover how smart, strong and successful women can finally find your man by Evan Marc Katz dating coach for smart, strong, successful women Evan Marc Katz
An Interview with Evan Marc Katz on Ashley Stahl’s YouTurn Podcast https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/an-interview-with-evan-marc-katz-on-ashley-stahls-youturn-podcast https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/an-interview-with-evan-marc-katz-on-ashley-stahls-youturn-podcast#respond Wed, 30 Sep 2020 13:00:42 +0000 https://www.evanmarckatz.com/?p=72949




FINALLY Find Your Man

Take this short quiz
to discover what you need to do now.

Take this short quiz now

dating coach for smart, strong, successful women Evan Marc Katz
I generally have a belief that, as we get older, we get smarter.

After all, there’s no substitute for life experience, and can’t we all look back at ourselves from 5-10 years ago and wince at how little we seemed to know?

As we get older, we get smarter.

Ashley Stahl is an exception to that rule.

At 33, Ashley has already accomplished more than many do in a lifetime.

Working for the Pentagon at age 23. Giving a TED talk. Becoming a career coach. Making millions. And, recently, falling in love and writing a book…

Ashley and I found each other a few years ago and became fast friends. She’s one of the only people I turn to for business advice because she’s simply better at it than I am.

And when she asked me to guest on her popular You Turn Podcast this summer, I couldn’t resist. She’s so personable, authentic, and curious, I knew we’d have a blast.

When a millennial interviews someone from GenX, you know magic is in the air!

During our conversation, Ashley and I discuss:

  • The differences between men and women.
  • The universality and skill to online dating.
  • The importance of healthy communication.
  • How to be more intentional, take action and listen to your heart when it comes to love.

I love Ashley and her positive energy and I’m thrilled that she shared her huge platform with me. Now, I share her with you.

Click here to listen to my interview with Ashley.

Warmest wishes and much love,

Your friend,


https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/an-interview-with-evan-marc-katz-on-ashley-stahls-youturn-podcast/feed 0 discover how smart, strong and successful women can finally find your man by Evan Marc Katz dating coach for smart, strong, successful women Evan Marc Katz