I Keep Going Out with Men Who Can’t Tell I’m Interested. How Can I Be a Better First Date Flirt?

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In one of your videos you mentioned that while men like women who show interest on the first date, while women prefer men who leave them guessing a little bit about their interest level. I totally agree!

I grew up a very shy and insecure kid. I’m now in my 30’s, quite attractive, and overall a confident woman, but I still tend to be a little on the reserved side when meeting people in person for the first time. A few men (who I was interested in and whose company I was enjoying) have even mentioned on or after first dates that they didn’t think I was interested in them.

I smile. I ask them about themselves. I say thank you and that I had a good time at the end of the date. But a guy friend of mine pointed out that in his experience, women who don’t want to see him do these things too. He said that there is so much rejection on the guy’s end of dating and it gets really disheartening. Understandable.

Part of me thinks that if it’s really the right person with the instant chemistry I really want (yes, I know, I know, I’m aware of your teachings on instant chemistry) this won’t be an issue. Another part of me realizes there have been good men who may have shied away from asking me on another date because they didn’t think I’d say yes, and I could definitely stand to be a bit more flirtatious. But another part of me remembers reading your Why He Disappeared e-book and doesn’t want to be too eager and drive him away.

Any quick first date tips for those of us who aren’t natural flirts?

Thank you!

April

Love this question, April, because it’s thoughtful, it’s universal, and, most importantly, it’s in my wheelhouse.

Before I was an old married guy telling you kids to stop swiping and texting, I was an insatiable flirt for 35 years.

It was never a choice. It was a personality trait. My dad told me I used to flirt with waitresses when I was five. It’s innate. My mom has it. My kids have it. Most of my clients don’t. But that doesn’t mean you can’t improve considerably when you shift your mindset a little.

Being a good flirt comes from a place of irrational confidence. When you have it, you could theoretically go up to anyone on earth and assume he/she going to love you as much as you love yourself.I say he/she intentionally. Maybe I only flirted sexually with women but my flirtatious personality applied to how I spoke to old women, middle-aged men, little kids and puppies.

Flirting is enthusiastic, warm, confident, animated, and curious. It presupposes that the person in front of you likes you, is attracted to your energy, and is open to continuing the conversation. When you approach all conversations in this way, indeed, the majority of people, will, in fact, like you and want to get to know you better.

Flirtatious is confident. Needy/eager is insecure. Flirtatious assumes the answer is yes. Needy/eager assumes the answer is no.

I do an entire week on Flirting in the Meeting Men module of Love U, but that’s a decent teaser.

As for your more pointed query, let’s make a distinction between flirtatious and needy/eager which drives him away.

Flirtatious is “If you play your cards right, you may get a little action at the end of the evening.”

Needy/eager is “You’re so cute and smart and charismatic. I really hope you like me enough to see me again.”

I trust you can tell the difference.

Flirtatious is confident. Needy/eager is insecure. Flirtatious assumes the answer is yes. Needy/eager assumes the answer is no.

This is why I talk so often about being the CEO of your own love life and treating men as interns. YOU are the one who determines if you go out again and how far he gets, not him. Embrace this mentality and let men know they’re doing a good job on the date and no guy will ever have to wonder if you’re interested in him again.

I Have a Crush on a Guy I Don’t Even Like and Can’t Get Over It!

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I’m really attracted to someone I work with. I’ve had feelings for him for years however I’ve always hidden this. I need a man to pursue me and I’m incapable of flirting! As he’s never asked me out (despite previously showing interest in my hobbies, staring at me, etc.) I felt his attraction wasn’t strong enough and it was better to keep a distance.

Because of my defensiveness, I don’t think he even likes me, despite seeming to when we first met. He also really objects to the fact that I’m a feminist and insists on opening doors,etc even though I object.

This and the fact that he finds me opinionated and I find him rude, means I don’t see a point in trying to date and I doubt he’ll ever ask. I don’t think I can put in the work necessary to reverse his opinion of me – I’m too afraid of rejection. Currently, if asked, most people would say I dislike him and I’m sure that’s what he thinks. I take comfort in this as I don’t look desperate!

I just wonder how I can get over him? I’ve tried dating others and focusing on his faults but it’s been years and I always end up focusing on him again! He’s smart, gorgeous and funny and although I’d never admit it publicly, in many ways my dream guy.

I argue against his patronizing, traditional, view of women, whilst secretly wishing he’d buy me flowers and make me his girlfriend and his wife. I’d be humiliated if he ever guessed any of this and I doubt I’d like it in reality. I just keep fantasizing about it.

I’m 29 and I really want children soon. How can I rid myself of this stupid crush and focus on more suitable men?

Scarlet

I’ll admit: my head almost exploded from reading your letter, Scarlet.

There were so many twists and turns, it was like riding a roller coaster while watching a soap opera while dropping acid. To briefly recap:

You’re attracted to a guy that you find rude.

You think he doesn’t like you because you’re an opinionated feminist.

You don’t see a point in trying to date him.

You don’t think it’s worth the effort.

You’re not a good flirt and are afraid of rejection.

Most importantly, he’s had years to ask you out and has never done so.

Naturally, you want to know how to get over this man you don’t like who shows no interest in you. Because even though everyone thinks you dislike him — and you admit he’s traditional and patronizing— you keep fantasizing about him and want to marry him.

If your head is spinning, Scarlet, you’re not alone. But I’m going to do my best, in spite of the fact that hard to give advice to someone who doesn’t know what she wants.

What you’re experiencing, alas, is not altogether unusual. It’s just love/hate relationships seem to happen a lot more on the silver screen than they do in real life. From my own personal experience, most of the women I’ve liked, I actually LIKED.

But here’s the thing: I suspect you really DO like him, that you are attracted to him, and that, more than anything, this scares and bothers you. Attraction is a funny thing, an involuntary feeling that defies all logic. And you, like all the readers who are reading this and shaking their heads at your plight, can’t help how you feel about this one guy.

Because what you’re attracted to and what’s good and healthy are two separate things that only occasionally overlap.

What you — and they — have a hard time understanding is that attraction is just a feeling. It’s not your destiny.   You do NOT have to marry the person you find MOST attractive in the world. In fact, I’d dare say that you’re better off not even trying. Which means that there are millions of happily married couples who — gasp! — are MORE attracted to other people than their own spouses – and yet their relationships work. How can that be?

Because what you’re attracted to and what’s good and healthy are two separate things that only occasionally overlap.

If you were to snap your fingers and marry this guy tomorrow (Don’t worry, you’re not. This is just a hypothetical.), you’d be really excited and maybe even happy that you landed a smart, gorgeous, funny guy. But I can promise you, it wouldn’t take too long to see that if this guy had retrograde views of women in the office, it would certainly spill over into your marriage, rendering your love/hate relationship into a hate/love relationship.

This, by the way, is how a majority of divorces happen — two people marry because of attraction and discover they’re incompatible when it’s too late.

You have the distinct advantage of realizing this in advance and recognizing this as the lustful, ill-fated crush that it is.

You also have the distinct advantage of this guy not being remotely interested so hopefully it should be easier to move onto a guy who IS interested in you.

Finally — and perhaps most importantly – you’re 29 years old. Here’s what that means:

  • Go on a date per week until you find a boyfriend who treats you like gold and also wants marriage and children.
  • Date him for 2+years to ensure you’re making a smart choice for the next 40 years.
  • Move in for six months, if it’s still good, get engaged, if it’s still good, get married.
  • Spend a couple of years married to enjoy life before children come along.

That means you don’t have to panic — and it also means you should start proactively dating other men to put this crush behind you ASAP.

Is Seduction a Dying Art?

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Professor at Northwestern. Feminist who criticizes the excesses of feminism and the follies of masculinity. Author of “Men” and “Unwanted Advances,” both of which I devoured in days. I love me some Laura Kipnis. She’s a clear thinker, a sharp wit and she pulls no punches when pointing out the various  hypocrises in the gender wars.

Which is why I was so delighted to see that she wrote a piece for New York Magazine called “Should There Be a Future for Seduction?”

Well, if you’ve read the news (or this blog) regularly, you’re well-aware that this is a particularly fraught time for sexual relationships. Women are on guard against aggressive men. Men are fearful of their reputations getting ruined by misguided aggression with the wrong woman. And one of the things that gets lost in this process, Kipnis argues, is the art of seduction.

“Even when things went  well, seduction had its perils. To be seduced meant opening yourself up to something you hadn’t anticipated – allowing your will to be penetrated by the will of another, your boundaries to be ignored, if not trampled.”

Classically, seducers have been male and the holdouts female, since women have historically been the sexual gatekeepers, for reasons we can debate for all of eternity…“I can’t, I’m your boss” or “I mustn’t, I’m your professor” could provide seduction prospects galore for the sexually intrepid of any gender. A “no” to overcome is the seducer’s raison d’être.

A seduction is a joint project between two people collaborating in the weakening of one’s defenses, watching them melt like chocolate in a double boiler.

It does, however, bear saying that even in the classic gender arrangement, the seduced wasn’t a passive bystander: Her resistance was critical. Yielding too soon dooms the whole enterprise (as does not yielding at all). From this point of a view, a seduction is a joint project between two people collaborating in the weakening of one’s defenses, watching them melt like chocolate in a double boiler. The structural necessity for demurral is why the wedded or betrothed have always provided such excellent seduction possibilities; think courtly love. To the dedicated seducer, “I can’t, I’m married” is the beginning of a negotiation. So what if it takes a while. Delay is an aphrodisiac, and besides, you’re worth the wait.”

Kipnis then segues into musings on the Aziz Ansari story, in which the disconnect in their mutual expectations was the very cause of the fallout. She wanted to feel special. He treated her like a groupie. The rest is internet history.

On a personal note, I’ve always liked the art of seduction. Not coercion. But the part of dating that sizzles with sexual tension. Going into a night unsure of what’s going to happen, and waiting, with bated breath, for the moment where you’re going to make a move and see where it leads. I’m sure this still happens, by the way, but I can only imagine that “affirmative consent” has changed how younger men are encouraged to court women.

Your thoughts, below, are greatly appreciated.

Why Men Routinely Hit on Women Who Are Not Interested

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I’m always wary about sharing articles and videos, lest you think that my sharing it is a 100% endorsement of the ideas within them.

When I share something, there’s always a seed of an idea worth discussing. Which brings me to today’s video  courtesy of New York Magazine, on a concept known as sexual misperception.

The point is that people shouldn’t take anything in dating too personally.

This is the very observable phenomenon in which men overestimate women’s interest in them. 90% of women have experienced a man who mistakes basic politeness for sexual signals. Yet studies show that this isn’t just a result of American frat-boy culture. In fact, people all over the world deal with the exact same misperception.

Like most things we discuss here on this blog, I find it more important to observe it and understand it than to judge it. As a woman, you may not like every guy who hits on you, but that doesn’t mean you should stop being polite. As a man, you may overestimate how many women are open to your advances, but that doesn’t mean you should be afraid to make a first move. The point is that people shouldn’t take anything in dating too personally. Don’t take it personally that a guy asks you out when you were just being nice. Don’t take it personally when she rejects you for asking her out.

Your comments, below, are always appreciated.

Should I Be Worried That My Boyfriend Stalks Women on The Internet?

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I have a question about internet stalking, more particularly Facebook stalking. My boyfriend of two years habitually stalks other females on Facebook. It could be a crush he had in high school, or a random female from class. What they all have in common is that he talks to none of them, and goes to the extent of figuring out the female’s name to add to his stalk list. My boyfriend and I are both juniors in college, and we attend separate colleges. I attend a more prestigious college, I am attractive enough to get most of the men I desire, I treat him with respect, we have similar interests, we have a great sex life, I make an effort to drive 4 hours to see him at least twice a month, I always make sure he knows how incredibly amazing he is to me, I am a science major that scores in the top 10% of the nation, and he says I am the one.

What I do not understand is why he is still curious of other females? Although I may not be perfect (I mean I am obviously a bit insecure currently), what makes these other females so interesting he must check up on them whenever he is bored between classes or at home? Some of them are beautiful, some are trashy, and some I don’t find attractive. I understand beauty is subjective but would he really want to leave me for any of these females he knows nothing about? What about the hypothetical scenario in which he crosses paths with one of them, and the female fancies him? Should I be concerned that his lust would override his love for me?

I’ve talked to him and he assures me he would never cheat, but I am more concerned about the strength of his heart when surrounded by beautiful women. Can he gain self-control to defeat his urges? Or should I learn to accept that men will do this type of thing even if the man considers his woman to be the most beautiful in his eyes? Ultimately, if I was really “the one,” would I still have the problem? I have honestly never looked at another man with lust. I actually avoid looking at other dudes in general. Perhaps it’s because there is not nearly as many attractive men in this world as there are females…or maybe it’s just my town.

Thank you
Shell

Shell,

There’s so much here, I’m not sure where to begin. In no particular order, with no particular rancor:

1. You’re too young for this. I know you’re in love. The problem with being in love at age 20 is that you don’t have enough perspective on the world to make healthy long-term decisions. As I often say, think of yourself 5 years ago. What did you know then? Exactly. So consider that you’ll know infinitely more at age 24, and 29, and 34 and 39 than you do right now. If I were you, I would wait to get married at the age of 34.

People who get married before the age of 25 have a 75% divorce rate. That’s not just a coincidence. That’s a sign that you have a lot more living to do before you lock things in.

2. I know, I know: the heart wants what the heart wants. So am I telling you to just give up on men for 19 years? Sleep around without any feelings? Not even bother to cultivate any true intimacy with long-term potential until your thirties? No. I’m just letting you know that people who get married before the age of 25 have a 75% divorce rate. That’s not just a coincidence. That’s a sign that you have a lot more living to do before you lock things in.

3. A little free dating coaching:

    1. a. I’m sure you’re a catch. But it’s not because of your prestigious college, science major or GPA. Those things don’t make you a better girlfriend. They give you the freedom to earn your own living, which is valuable in its own right. Please don’t mistake your academic credentials with assets that add to your boyfriend’s life. You value them far more than he does.
    1. b. Your insecurity is causing you to overfunction in your relationship. Without knowing anything more about you or your ex, if you’re the one who is doing all the driving, there is a power imbalance that needs to be restored right now. What if you never drove to him again? Would that be the last time you saw him? Presuming he has a car, how about you switch off who does the 4 hour drive? Let’s see if he has any skin in the game or if you’re just propping up this relationship with your own efforts.

Finally, your question itself was about Facebook. Let me distinguish between what is normal and what is weird:

Normal: All the benign behaviors of looking up pretty women on the Internet.
Weird: If he actually has something called a “stalk list”.

I’m not going to go into why men look at other women in great detail, since I’ve already done it here and here, but suffice it to say that normal, red-blooded guys do the same exact thing, including yours truly.

I’m obviously not saying this to make myself look good. I’m saying this because it’s important that someone come out and tell the truth — a guy can have all the integrity in the world, be happily married, and still find sexy pictures of other women to be enjoyable. We’ve spent a lot of time on the blog fighting this battle, and God knows, I don’t want to do it any longer, but essentially, you have two choices: accept the fact that he looks at pictures in his own time, but is otherwise an excellent boyfriend, or forbid him from doing it, which will both build up resentment (how well do YOU respond to being told what to do and not being trusted?) and, more likely, force him to lie to you about his behavior.

Looking at pictures isn’t a failing of character; infidelity is.

There’s a far cry from looking at Facebook pictures, Maxim magazine, and online porn, and picking up chicks in bars and trolling Craigslist for Casual Encounters. Looking at pictures isn’t a failing of character; infidelity is.

The unfortunate truth is that you both need to experience a lot more partners to know what “normal” looks like, and make a good, informed, long-term decision. I’m not saying you should dump him for the Facebook thing or the distance thing. I’m saying that you’ll both be absolutely fine if you do.

Make The Most Attractive Man Fall For You Every Time (Video)

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Missed the first video in this series? Watch the video, “Comparison is the enemy of contentment,” here.

When Women Act Like (The Worst of) Men (Video)

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Sexism is real. Misogyny is real. Discrimination is real. Rape is real.

They are all extremely sensitive subjects, especially to the women who have personally suffered from their real-life consequences. Talking about such issues, raising awareness, and challenging the status quo are all important, and men need to pay attention to the shifting mores of society.

But there is a point where the agents of social change fall a bit tone-deaf, and accidentally miss their own larger point. Such is the case with this video from the Everyday Sexism project.

[youtube width=”560″ height=”315″]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pulwi5dw0Wc[/youtube]

No one is going to defend a man who presses himself up against a woman on a crowded subway, or who whistles a catcall while he’s driving. Those are crude, brutish, and ineffective ways to communicate with the opposite sex. But there’s an obvious difference between the man who leads with offensive sexual pick up line and a guy who approaches you because you’re female, you’re attractive and he’d like to get to know you better.

One thing hasn’t really changed all that much: men still approach women and ask them out.

And if every time a man approaches you out of interest, it is considered an “unwanted sexual advance,” it would seem to me that the species just might die out.

I’m kidding, of course. But logically, a man can’t know if an advance is wanted or unwanted until he actually makes the advance. He doesn’t know if you’re single or have a boyfriend, whether you’re a virgin or open to one-night-stands, whether you find him attractive or disgusting. The only way for him to know is to approach. A percentage of those approaches are going to be unwanted.

Now, to be fair, there are a number of shy beta males who do not approach women and a number of confident alpha females who approach men. They are well within their rights to view dating in a gender-neutral way, but they are still in the minority. This isn’t my opinion. Just look around. Men write to scores of women online. Men approach women at parties. Men ask for phone numbers. Men pay for the dates. Men make the first move. Men are the aggressors; women get to say yes or no.

If every time a man approaches you out of interest, it is considered an “unwanted sexual advance,” it would seem to me that the species just might die out.

I acknowledge that gender roles are changing, should change and have changed. Men are doing more housework, childrearing, and healthy communication than ever before. But one thing hasn’t really changed all that much: men still approach women and ask them out.

And while I’m all for cataloging and shaming men who are crude and misogynistic, I think it’s dangerous to conflate all random flirtation as “unwanted sexual advances”. An interesting thread was started on Andrew Sullivan’s blog if you want to read more.

Your thoughts, as always, are appreciated below. Share this with friends for a thought-provoking discussion.

How To Get Boys To Like You

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Let’s just say that I would never make this video myself – it was passed to me by a follower on Facebook. But it’s fair to say that everything she says is exactly what NOT to do with guys. Pretty funny – if vulgar – stuff. If anyone wants to send me the equivalent video for men, I’m all for it. Have a great weekend.

And don’t forget to submit your worst dating story to win a year of FOCUS Coaching with me!

I Keep Scaring Guys Away. What Am I Doing Wrong?

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Evan,

I’ve tried going after guys I’m attracted to even if I don’t really know them. For instance, there was this guy in the gym. I guess I creeped him out. I don’t know why… maybe he found me unattractive… who knows? But I kept trying to talk to him and he would run away because we were on the running track. He was kind of a jerk and then I caught him near the barbells where the men work out and I said “Hey,” he seemed like he was nice because he smiled at me, took off his headphones and said “What’s up?” I asked him why he was running away from me. He didn’t give me a direct answer but he said “I can talk to you 20 minutes from now” with a smile and he said he was going to work out… Well, he ended up ditching me. He had me wait an entire hour and then he quickly walked past me without looking back at me.

Now I’m wondering… what did I do wrong? Was there something different I could have done when approaching him? Is he just a jerk (probably)? Next time I see him, should I talk to him again?

Also, I want to talk to this guy at my Church but I’ve had so many rejections that I’m wondering if I should even talk to this guy or if I will scare him away too. I’m not really confident that he will like me.
—Ashley

Ashley,

Stop being a guy.

Since third grade, boys are taught that if they like a girl, they have to ask her out.

Before you get defensive — or before any women get on my case for invoking more gender stereotypes, let’s establish that stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason.

Since third grade, boys are taught that if they like a girl, they have to ask her out. Or pull her hair. Or something like that.

It never ceases to be nerve wracking, but that, in fact, is the way a vast majority of the dating world works.

Man sees attractive woman, gets the nerve to talk to her, they have a nice conversation, he asks for her number, calls her, plans the date, picks her up, pays, drives her home, kisses her goodnight, and calls the next day to see if they can do it all over again.

I don’t see much room for disagreement with this one.

That doesn’t mean that it’s impossible for women to approach men, ask out men, offer sex to men, or propose to men; it’s just that it seems that most men and women are comfortable with these gender roles. And when they’re undermined, many people get a little ruffled.

Don’t women get upset when men don’t call after a date?
Don’t women get upset when men don’t pay?
Don’t women get upset when men don’t make plans?
Don’t women get upset when men don’t make the first move?

If so, you’re buying into these same stereotypes of what we expect from men.

As for what men expect from women?

We just want you to say yes.

Say yes to talking to us at the gym.
Say yes to agreeing to drinks on Friday.
Say yes when I insist on paying.
Say yes when I try to kiss you.
Say yes when I follow up for a second date.

This is the core message of my book, Why He Disappeared. It’s not that you’re “wrong” to approach men the way you have, Ashley. It’s that it hasn’t been proven to be particularly effective.

So why keep doing something that isn’t working for you?

Men do what we want — most of the time. There’s always going to be some guy who’s too shy to say hi or ask for your number, but most women don’t want a man with that little confidence anyway.

Your job is simply to put yourself in the position to be approached.

Cross the room near him. Plant yourself within eyeshot of him. Turn. Smile. Make eye contact. Look away. Flip your hair. You’re essentially giving him every opening to approach YOU. If he does, then YOU’RE in control. If he doesn’t, he’s not interested.

Simple.

And if you really, really want to keep on approaching guys, click here, and scroll down to read Samantha Scholfield’s Screw Cupid which teaches women how to approach hot guys. For the more laid back system, which involves getting men to come to you, I’ve heard that Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts is a good read.

My Boyfriend Wants to Be a Dating Coach — Actually, a Pick-Up Artist.

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Evan,
My boyfriend and I have been together for four years and we have a very strong and healthy relationship. We have lots of fun together and we can always solve the problems that arise in our relationship. A few months ago, Luis decided to start studying strategies to be a dating coach. I support him, because I believe in him, but I’m very worried because I know he trains approximation strategies in certain circles of women. I am very afraid that in this research he will eventually find someone else. I have always supported him and we talked a lot about this issue. He is sincere with me, but at the same time I am very fearful that our relationship will be compromised…
What do I do in this situation? —Sofia

Dear Sofia,

There’s some information left out of your question that makes it difficult to give the most accurate dating advice.

How old are you? How old is Luis? Are you living together? And how are you doing financially?

All of this matters.

Sure, there are lots of people who give dating advice, but how many of them have you heard of? How many of them give good advice that makes you think or makes you laugh?

Because if you’re over 30 and you’ve been together for four years, you should be moving in together, getting engaged and locking it in — if, of course, marriage is something you desire.

If you’re under 30, I would probably just move in together to see what life looks like as a married couple. I know this isn’t your question; it’s just relevant when we’re assessing Luis’ maturity and career prospects.

So let me tell you something about being a dating coach: there aren’t very many successful dating coaches. Sure, there are lots of people who give dating advice, but how many of them have you heard of? How many of them give good advice that makes you think or makes you laugh? How many of them are making a good living, full-time, at this dating coach thing. Not many at all.

I’m extremely lucky that:

a) I got in early, before everyone in the world thought he/she could be a dating coach.
b) I’m an actual writer, not a dating coach who happens to write.
c) I had two “real” books and a lot of media attention to validate me.
d) I started a blog 5 years ago that got over a million viewers last year.
e) I have a crazy work ethic.
f) I figured out what I was doing wrong in love, admitted my failures, and chose my wife.

Without ALL of those things, I might not be a dating coach. Before you encourage Luis to pursue his passion, make sure he has the goods. He better be a great writer, a hard worker, amazing on camera, technologically savvy, and say something that we haven’t heard before.

Oh, and that’s the last thing that makes me worry about Luis:

He’s not a dating coach the way I’m a dating coach. My job is to help women understand and relate to men. What’s Luis’ job description that worries you so much?

It’s not dating coach.

It’s Pick-up Artist!

I talk on the phone with women around the world. We log into Match.com, look up cute guys, flirt with them, and talk about what’s happening on their dates.

Pick up artists go up to strange women wherever they are in order to a) get their number and/or b) sleep with them.

Hmmm. Which sounds like a better bet if you’re the patient girlfriend?

My concern, frankly, isn’t that Luis is going to fall in love with someone whom he’s “sarging” at Starbucks. It’s that his entire persona and lifestyle will be wrapped up in the active pursuit of other women. And even if it’s for educational purposes — even if he loves you and is pure of heart — he’s putting himself continually around a lot of temptation.

Pick up artists go up to strange women wherever they are in order to a) get their number and/or b) sleep with them.

Me? I work from home. I’ve got a kid. I live in the suburbs. I rarely go out without my wife. And even though I’m one helluva flirt, I’m about a safe as men come. In Luis’ role as a pick-up artist, he’s going to be about as risky as they come.

I know I’ve hijacked your question a bit, Sofia, but my bigger concern for you is not your boyfriend’s fidelity, but his income stream.

The PUA market is so oversaturated with guys who learn others’ techniques and recycle them under new names/brands that I would guess it would be hard to make a name and a living.

Why would anyone go to Luis when they could go to Neil Strauss or Love Systems or Pickup101 or David Wygant?

Until your boyfriend answers that question — how he’s going to differentiate himself from the hundreds of other guys doing the exact same thing — I don’t think you have all that much to worry about.

PRIVACY POLICY

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