What Signals Are You Giving For A Man To Approach You?

man and woman flirting with each other

Had lunch yesterday with an amazing entrepreneur, Kristin Moore, who is the founder of a site that designs witty t-shirts that signal that you’re single. I’d met her at my friend Dr. Alex Benzer’s book signing last week, and she mentioned to me over my tuna wrap that she also has a blog.

Kristin put some of Dr. Alex’s advice into practice, performing a social experiment of sorts: how many men would she meet if she sent out a ton of non-verbal signals one night?

Well, I checked it out and saw that Kristin put some of Dr. Alex’s advice into practice, performing a social experiment of sorts: how many men would she meet if she sent out a ton of non-verbal signals one night?

The answer was illuminating. But first, check out the signals she was instructed to use:

1. Smiling at him broadly
2. Throwing him a short, darting glance
3. Dancing alone to the music
4. Looking straight at him and flipping hair
5. Keeping a fixed gaze on him
6. Looking at him, tossing head, then looking back
7. “Accidently” brushing up against him
8. Nodding at him
9. Pointing to a chair and inviting him to sit
10. Tilting head and touching exposed neck
11. Licking lips during eye contact
12. Primping while keeping eye contact
13. Parading close with exaggerated hip movement
14. Asking for his help with something
15. Tapping something to get his attention
16. Patting his buttocks

They’re not all subtle, but studies say they are effective. Sure enough, Kristen had 4 guys approach her and ask for her number in one night. Consider this the next time you say “no guys hit on me”, okay?

More importantly, have an amazing weekend. I’m celebrating my birthday with my wife and friends on the beach in Santa Monica and will do everything in my power not to think of work while I’m there…

Take care,


Join our conversation (39 Comments).
Click Here To Leave Your Comment Below.


  1. 21

    I hardly think touching someone’s butt is “subtle.”   It’s more like invading one’s personal space and is just straight up creepy.

    1. 21.1

      Let’s agree to all ignore that one. It’s not funny when either sex does it.

    2. 21.2

      I agree – ll sound great except patting the buttocks! A  bit over the top? A lot of guys would surely think that was a direct sexual invitation, not an expression of interest in getting to know him better.

  2. 22

    Haha. I do all of these all the time and they totally work 🙂 It’s all about getting his attention!

  3. 23

    Hey anything that provides a proactive approach is a plus in my book, BUT what ever happened to being able to tell “singles” from “taken” by the way they behave?   Or…..is it just that the “taken” and “single” behavior is so the same you now need a “T”   with a sign?

  4. 24

    This nearly brings me to tears. I can’t tell you how many women I have walked past in the mall who just avoid eye contact or look at you for a split second but then have this stuck up shy frozen expression on their face. When women do that you can’t tell if she likes you and is afraid to show any interest or if she wouldn’t ever want to flirt with you in a million years and thinks you’re a loser. If women who are interested would just smile and stop being so shy we wouldn’t waste so much time approaching women who don’t want us in the first place.

  5. 25

    Pat him on the buttocks???   No ok.   That’s sexual assault. If the man did that to woman, and she slapped him on the face for it, she would be applauded. Why would anyone think it’s OK for a woman to touch a man on his butt without an invitation to do so?

  6. 26
    Jeffrey L.

    Try this ladies, do not entertain every guy that DO approach you, who definitely players, or OBVIOUS bad boys. This behavior is reinforcing the PRECEPTION that you are not interested in a committed relationship with him–THAT AVERAGE GUY–who knows he is NOT player material, or want a BEAUTIFUL women–someone who widely accepted as BEAUTIFUL.
    Act an accept and prolong the “SMALL” talk conversation with other average guys, at work, in line, in the frequently visited stores and nice to talking to you. After talking about plays, or the museum, think of the current one now playing. This gives that average the perfect opportunity to say, Would to go to see it? I cannot find one willing to “try this activity” with. Finally, this average is going to know are looking at ” good entertaining celebirity look alike and male models ” OUT OF THE CORNER OF YOUR EYE, again corner of your eyes–do not lie–if ask–says “yes”, Do you think it is natural to notice hot women, or handsome people. Do not be insecure, Steve. I chose you. Not the other way around. TELL you chose him, not the other way around. But, I am with you.
    The geologist, mathematician, borrowing philosophical thinkers. Finally, talk about subjects that show are spending a lot time, do activities that take type to practice to do: working on gardening, helping with senior citizens, helping those in need, quilting(yeah i know), you are an accountant, doctor devoted to your with cancer–its emotional and time draining.
    Be honest, in public general non-conceited conversation; “I like Steve, but I am not going approach him, until he sees and accepts me and desire to go out with him. This method, in this average guys opinion, you are seeking the average and average lines. Hi, my name is Steve, I would like to know, if your single, and who being willing to have a coffee, or lunch.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *