How to Get Over The Last Man Who Broke Your Heart

How to Get Over The Last Man Who Broke Your Heart

I invite you to think of the last time you were emotionally invested in a man.

It could have been a promising prospect you met online, it could have been your boyfriend of five months, it could have been your fiancé.

The common denominator is that this man, who took your breath away and gave you hope, ultimately left you.

Because you weren’t the one who ended things, your feelings remained as strong after you were dumped as they were before you were dumped.

I know how it feels. Most people do. You stake your dreams on the integrity of your relationship, only to find out that he had eyes for someone else, that he had major issues with you, or that he wasn’t ready to commit to you.

This can be devastating. It can make you mistrustful. It can make you lose faith. It can stop you from dating entirely.

But the hardest part is how, far too often, you never quite get over him.

Because you weren’t the one who ended things, your feelings remained as strong after you were dumped as they were before you were dumped. It makes perfect sense. He might have broken up with you, but that doesn’t mean you love him any less.

This exact scenario happened recently with my client, Wanda, who was still recovering from a short relationship with a man she met on JDate.

They had gotten physical after 5 dates, took down their profiles, and gave an exclusive relationship a shot. Two and a half months later, he broke things off. Said he wasn’t feeling what he thought he should be feeling. Said it wasn’t her fault. Said he wanted to remain friends.

So Wanda has remained friends with her ex — and has remained in love with him as well.

Needless to say, it’s extremely hard for her to move on. Every new man gets unfavorably compared to the ex. It’s not that she’s wrong; Wanda can’t help herself. She felt that dizzy, passionate, “in love” feeling, and even though the ex is gone, the feeling still lingers.

But should it?

Hell, no!

Wanda’s is wondering about how to get him back. She’s hoping that their friendship turns back into a relationship. She’s “dating” but not really giving herself to the process.

In other words, she is pining for the return of a man who does not love her unconditionally.

Talk about a bad plan. Then again, you’ve probably done the same thing. If you’re still holding onto a man from your past, my eBook, Why He Disappeared will show you how to instantly let go.

But let me ask you: don’t you think your future husband should love you unconditionally? Wouldn’t you figure that this should be a pre-condition for any man who’s going to spend his life with you? I sure do.

In fact, if I’m building the perfect man, I’m starting there and working backwards:

1)       Most important quality: Loves you unconditionally. Will stick by you for richer and poorer, in sickness and in health, til death do you part.

2)       Second most important quality: Everything else — height, weight, age, income, education, etc.

Yet all I hear about, over and over, is the amazing, tall, cute, sexy, charismatic, funny, successful guy who breaks your heart when he doesn’t want to commit to you.

Face it; your ex isn’t as great as you think he is.

…He was willing to let you go.

Well, guess what?

That guy SUCKS!

Your husband DOESN’T leave you.

Your boyfriend’s willingness to leave you IS his fundamental flaw.

And you’re holding onto an idealized image of him — hoping he comes back.

Why? So when you get him back, he STILL doesn’t love you unconditionally?

Face it; your ex isn’t as great as you think he is. It’s not that he’s not a great catch on paper. But in practice, he’s a terrible life partner for you for one reason.

He was willing to let you go.

Now it’s time for you to let him go.

Same thing with any man who broke your heart in the past. Let him go.

Only then can you open up to true love — the kind that endures forever.

Join our conversation (218 Comments).
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  1. 121

    I keep reminding myself when a thought of “him” emerges.   It goes like this; “HE’S NOT THE MAN FOR ME ” !!!!!   You either have “balls” of   melons , or “balls” of tomatoes.   Don’t make choice for me without giving “ALL” the FACTS !!!!!       LIAR, AND A CHEAT !!!!


  2. 122

    “Be the best girlfriend you can be, and let the jerkoffs walk. That’s all you can do”

    Evan, this made me laugh and is so true!

    I went to a prominent psychologist after a bad break-up and got to know him very well after so many visits…he told me once when I told him a particularly hurtful thing my ex did. “F— him! He’s a jerk”!

    In hindsight said psychologist was 150% right!



  3. 123

    I really hated how things ended for my ex and I. For awhile he was also my best friend. Then he left me, not even giving any closure. Simply stated he hates my character and personality.

    It took me awhile to accept the break as I was dealing with a lot of issues as well at that point of time. After awhile I got back to him to be friends, he then began to say that I am a liar just because some people told him things, he never confronted me on them and assume I was a liar and said we can never be friends because he doesn’t trust me. He wants me out of his life and isn’t interested to be civil. I was really upset due to the betrayal of both my then BF and then friends, as they were gossiping about me behind my back. Especially friends that were bad-mouthing me to him. For awhile I hated them, but it goes to show he isn’t the one, he was finding faults in me to leave me.

    I still loved him until the point he told me that I was a waste of time to him which breaks my heart. It hit me hard how a person you love and trust would do something like that almost overnight. I suppose if a person truly loves you they would never let you go nor would they ever assume negativity in you.

    Why would you make a person you truly care about and love to go through this ordeal? Even as a friend? I guess that blow really hit reality in me that he ain’t worth.

  4. 124
    Tissues needed

    I needed to read this years ago – I am 50.   Was with a guy for 6 months – we both fell quickly – there was a connection neither had felt before. He got scared, told me he couldn’t do a relationship and ran (both of us were going through divorces).   Broke my heart into a million pieces.   Took me 7 months to get over him and then I stupidly let him back in my life again.   I didn’t find out until a year later that he was with another woman and yet he was happy to sleep with me a few times, sent sexual flirty emails and kept telling me he couldn’t do a relationship and when his life was back together and he was 110% he would come back.   Told me he knew we would be fantastic together but couldn’t just dump this other woman who had known him for a long time.   He then moved interstate (told me he was no longer seeing her) but still emailed me.   I should have read the signs – the emails became less over the course of last year   – I tried to say goodbye to him on numerous occasions but he kept sucking me back in.   Even told me he was interested in seeing me – pity he was in another state.   I have always loved him and he has known all along how I feel about him and how I felt he was the one. He told   me   about 7 months ago he had a girlfriend and it wouldn’t be good   if she knew we were in contact.   So I said to him I would say goodbye and would always love him and wished him happiness.   A couple of days later he contacts me to say it’s okay as we aren’t sleeping together.   I should have held my ground and blocked him.   It is very hard when you love someone – I have tried but can’t let him go.   He always makes my heart beat a bit faster.   He made out that when he had his life back together and was back in our home state things might change.   He always gave me hope.   Well he is an asshole who has no balls.   I found out from a third party he got married recently to that women mentioned previously.   He never said a thing to me about anything and had so many opportunities.   He was becoming distant so I said goodbye again and didn’t hear – that’s when I found out he was married.      It hurts, it is a stab in the guts, my heart has broken all over again.   He knew how I felt and yet he strung me along – Cruel cruel man – even if I was just a friend to him, he should have respected me enough to tell me.   I doubt I will hear from him again. It is now time for me to reclaim the lost 5 years – Thank you for allowing me to vent – I still feel so stupid for never being strong enough to follow through with my goodbyes over the years – I am sure for him it was all an ego thing with no regard for my feelings.   I know I have dodged a bullet but it doesn’t make the pain any easier   – I just want to forget and move on and find someone who doesn’t play games, because really this is all this was .

    1. 124.1

      Love is hard and clouds your normal rational judgement. You want to believe they love you and hold onto false hope. I’m glad you finally see things clearly. Put yourself first and your needs and wants. Be confident and strong and independent. When you are all those things weak men who see your weaknesses won’t bring you down with them. You will meet a like minded man who is your equal and treats you as such.

  5. 125

    I was with a guy for a bit over three years. We had a lot of arguments and we BOTH said hurtful things but I always forgave him and i thought he forgave me too. We had so much fun together and knew everything aboyt one another. I envy the people on this who say they dated for 3 months. I didn’t sleep for the first week or eat. I wanted to spend my life with this man. We were planning a 5 week road trip after Christmas and also a week away for his birthday in August.   No hints that he wanted to end it. Then boom. He ended it. After making love the night before and holding me while we slept. He told me the next day it was over and to get all my things out and didn’t offer to help me move. He then said we could be friends and maybe in 6 or 12 months he may get back together with me. WTF!! Seriously.   I cried and begged and said i would do anything to work things out. It was such a shock. It broke my heart and my heart still is broken. He deleted all photos of me and said he no longer wanted to look at my face. When i went to get the last of my things he was still calling me honey and darling and saying he will always love me but no longer wants to be with me.

    I understand it was hard for him to end it but why fuck with my head and heart strings. Why give me hope he MIGHT get back with me. He obviously wants to forget about me. But to try and let me down gently saying we can be friends and he MAY one day want me back. Calling me honey et.   I don’t understand where i went wrong after 3 years. It’s hard letting go and moving on when i don’t understand what happened.

  6. 126

    I just went through this but the only difference is he couldn’t let go of me. He tried to have us both….smh but he got caught because we were both suspicious. I am a work in progress trying to get over everything. He lied all day everyday

  7. 127

    It’s just a personality type. The guy who has to be the good guy, the people pleaser, the one who gets along with all his exes. It’s not a good quality in my mind. It’s an inability to have proper boundaries. It confuses people. Gives them hope. It doesn’t come from a place of kindness or interest. It comes from a place of neediness and approval seeking.

  8. 128

    I needed to see this tonight. I am absolutely devestated after a man I truly thought loved me and could see a future with me, wanted to take a break because he felt we are at stand still. I was caught completely off guard. I thought things were fine between us

    Long story short, I got the whole “I can’t be the man you deserve” blah blah blah. I’ve heard it before and frankly I’m sick of hearing it.

    Why do men say they love you want to spend thier life with you and then turn around and completely change their minds??? What the fuck is the point of looking for a relationship if you don’t want one.

  9. 129

    A man or women that charms, manipulates you is called a narcissist. It is a mental illness. Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Once they discard you they like to keep you around for attention, ego gratification and to fill a void in them because they are lacking self worth. They maintain past relationships still present in their lives that are referred to as a narcissistic supply. They have no remorse or conscience of mistreating you and value you as much as a piece of chewing gum or a microwave oven. In their eyes you have simply become a tool to help them gratify their low self esteem and lowly self worth. I recently dated a man exactly like this. This is a real mental illness and if you come into contact with a man or woman with this personality disorder RUN! FAST! In the opposite direction. I was in love with him for 4yrs. He scarred me for life but what helped me move on was that I realized I liked myself more than I liked him 🌞

  10. 130

    Yup.   I’m hung up on the anger over how my shitty ex treated me though.

    There are kind ways to end things and then there’s b.s. disrespectful ways to end things that leave you deeply disillusioned.

    Ah well.   It’ll pass one day.

  11. 131

    I was in the midst of being broken and your messages and comments were good to read at. I dont know if i wanted to move on or wait for his return. Theres a part of me saying that i need let him go and started to walk on my own, after all, he already let me go. It hurts, really really hurt that i couldnt sense any pain anymore.  

  12. 132

    My situation is very similar. After 3 dates he told me that he removed his profile from the dating app. I said that I can do the same. But he said that’s fine if I want to keep my options open. I found it very strange and brought it up next time we met. Where we established that we have very different understanding of commitment. For him it’s a gradual process for me it’s instant.

    Last time I saw him was a week ago and we hardly communicated since.   I can’t stand uncertainty, I wish I knew what is on his mind.

    My intuition tells me to forget and move on. I know I think and analyse too much. But this is who I am.

  13. 133


    We’ve started  dating last February, we’re happy no other issues, we traveled because we want to know each other, until last June we’re officially together, we’re just happy. We have plans already in the future, and then I told Him i want you to meet my parents, so we booked everything, hotel and flight and then last week he talked to me and then He broke up with me, without clarifying any    reasons instead just “sorry” I ask why? because we don’t have issues at all, and he was excited to meet my parents too, He told me He didn’t feel right about his feeling, he was confused, and he doesn’t love me the way I love him. he broke my heart so much.   and I want to get over it. But i admit I really love him. 🙁 its really hard for me because I trust him, and he’s the one that i want to be with for the rest of my life  🙁

  14. 134
    stopped clock

    -Dated a guy 3 months. He mostly texted. We said ILY. He talked about the future a lot. I tried to break it off 3 or 4 times.   He would NOT let go. Kept saying he needed and wanted me in his life.   At three months, he passively/aggressively complained that he wanted to “have friends”, female friends and said I wouldn’t let him ” have friends “.   When we met, he claimed he didn’t HAVE any friends. All of a sudden he was Mr. social butterfly.   Anyway, he started to pull away.   The holidays approached and he instigated a conflict (via text no less).   Then he went ballistic via text and broke things off.   It was bizarre.   He was like a different person.   But, I felt it coming.   It was premeditated.   He didn’t want a commitment and I had called him pressed the issue to find out what his intentions were.   Well, I found out.   He went bye-bye.   Like a coward.   Sometimes a woman has to ” smoke them out” like that because they are evasive and will string you along.   Anyway, the break up hurt(s), but at least I’m not wasting my time anymore.   For him, this behavior was a PRACTICE.   “Wash, rinse, &repeat”.    Commitment-phobe and covert narcissist.   Good rid’dins.

  15. 135

    I agree but HOW do you let them go? As in literally how do I do this?

  16. 136

    Thanks, Evan..

    I cried out on sleepless nights after he told me that he might date someone else, only bcoz I’m not living close to him (it’s only an hour away by flight tho) and bcoz I want to pursue my career.

    I need to cut off everything about him, stop talking to him through texts, iM, FaceTime. He still care about me very much, but his honesty made me feel as an option is really hurt me.

    I know myself, I’m not bad girlfriend at all. He knows it, he told me that I have special place on his heart and life. He wanted remain as friends,   I don’t say yes..coz I know it’s impossible for me. It’s tiring, but I know I can do it.

  17. 137

    I really like how when i ready this i feel better but I’m not over him, I made a mistake in the relationship and I cheated I on him and i told him. We broke up for a few weeks ans got back together, now mind you this is the first guy i ever fell in love and looked at me and thought I was beautiful when i believe I’m not and the first guy i ever slept with. I owned up to cheated and he took me back and when we broke up again it was because I didn’t want to get married right away and have children. I wanted to go to college and find myself, two days after we broke up he gets into another relationship with someone else and tells me it wasn’t hard for him to move on from but I can’t sleep in my own bed alone I can’t eat or function at work, I was with him for 4 years. Because of what else he said to me my confidence is gone and I can’t look at myself with being sick and guilty. While he’s happy with his new relationship I’m contemplating suicide, and I’m scared to be alone with myself. I just don’t believe it’s that easy for me to move on.

  18. 138

    Just got dumped last night by the man who said ” you are the best woman that had ever dated” last week. Then in the span of one week he said that he decided he could not bear the thought of possibly disappointing me again, after we had a miscommunication about a missed phone call, and he walked away from me and said that he knew he was a coward but it’s what he had to do. I am so confused and hurt right now that I cannot even think straight because I never saw this coming.

    I don’t think that men realize the magnitude of how they hurt and damaged women internally its really unfair and uncalled for and I totally get now why there are so many bitter angry women walking around….they did not start out that way.

  19. 139

    I dated my ex for 7 years. The last year he changed , wanted to be with his friends, bought a motorcycle and didn’t include me. Dumped me via text message.

    I am heart broken 5 months later. trying to move on, but it’s hard.

  20. 140

    I think if he loose feelings and cheat it’s his choice, I already read the book “why he disappeared” but we can’t control his mind and heart.

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